SPEAKER_02 0:01

Welcome to Living in Lavender.

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Controversial.

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It belongs in the pond.

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Almost where the heart is, babe.

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Do you smell the toast?

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Is that supposed to be a read or then one thing led to another?

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Don't boost it, though too much.

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You make the schedule.

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So be fucking rude. Good motherfucking morning.

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Good morning.

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Ooh. That sound from a fresh fill. People that listen, I'm like, let me do some ASMR.

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Is this thing on?

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People that are listening, and I'm like scratching the fucking mic. So sorry.

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Ooh, nails on a chalkboard. Sorry for the morning commutes. So sorry. Sorry to blow out your speaker. But good morning, honey. Welcome back.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

Welcome back.

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We are fresh from a Sunday morning family outing. The three of us just went and got our nails done. The wife and the husband.

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And the third wheel. Me on the third wheel. That's hilarious. It's something.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

Right.

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So I just need to take a moment for this French.

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Yeah, she really slayed that.

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She she honestly killed it. I have not done a French like this.

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In a very long time. I was surprised to see it. I thought you were gonna do your little diagonal.

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My little diagonal. Yeah.

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But I am obsessed with how she how that came out.

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Slayed it. It's honestly giving me so much life right now.

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Giving Teresa Caputo.

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Oh we love a jersey nail.

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Yeah.

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So cute. Shout out to Anna at Fashion Nails and Dennis. Always slaying.

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Always slaying.

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Always.

SPEAKER_01 2:17

Um my claws are back sharp because they get dull from just working hard, baby. Just really working nine to five. Exactly. Dolly knew it. Um you know, I'm going back and forth on on the color that I chose, but you know what? I I like it.

SPEAKER_02 2:39

It's it's a neutral moment.

SPEAKER_01 2:43

It's what I was looking for.

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It's giving clean girl.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

Yeah. And that's what I was looking for because nothing else about me is clean girl aesthetic, but oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 2:54

I disagree, but no, I love it. It's a moment. It is a moment. We both like went for that clean girl aesthetic.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:02

Like Mindsgiving, like 07, Orange County. Yes. Give me a pink razor phone, some fake tan.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

Yes. And some juicy couture.

SPEAKER_02 3:13

Not juicy cooter. Which, by the way, is that like coming back because yes, it's been back, girl.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

My makeup bag is juicy cooter.

SPEAKER_02 3:23

Oh, we love that. Yeah. Me and Matt were shopping the other day and TJ Maxx. And everywhere.

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That's where I got it.

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The entire aisle is Juicy Couture. Like, who knew?

SPEAKER_01 3:35

My mom has um a whole big ass tote.

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I love that.

SPEAKER_01 3:41

And I was like, where did you get that? She said, Marshall's. And I said, from O2. And she said, no, from the other day. Yeah. I was like, oh my god, new collection. I'm off the fucking.

SPEAKER_02 3:53

I'm dead. Wait. Do you remember Ed Hardy?

SPEAKER_01 3:56

Oh, I'd live for Ed Hardy.

SPEAKER_02 3:58

Oh. So Matt just bought this like scarf, aka it's like a gown. It is so big and long. Oh my god, like that. Like literally a train.

SPEAKER_01 4:11

Okay. Like, oh my god, it's his veil.

unknown 4:13

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 4:16

Don't give him any ideas. Please don't. He came down and it was tied through the belt loop. Oh, yeah. And I was like, um, where are you going? Because you're not going anywhere with me. Please take that off.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 4:32

So cute. But okay, Ed Hardy, Juicy Couture.

SPEAKER_01 4:36

They're making a comeback, and honestly, I'm living for it.

SPEAKER_02 4:39

This reminds me of the conversation we had the other day about flip phones.

SPEAKER_01 4:43

Yeah. Like, I we might need to bring that back.

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That's a moment.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

That is a moment. I just want the satisfaction of going when I'm pissed.

SPEAKER_02 4:54

We're done.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:55

We're done. I'm not coming over tonight. Yes. We're done. You better have broken up.

SPEAKER_01 5:00

You better have food on the fucking table when I get home.

SPEAKER_02 5:04

That's what I love. Love. So satisfying. So satisfying. So cunty. Love. But um, so welcome back. Thank you everyone so much for listening to our first episode last week. Thank you for all the texts, the phone calls, people reaching out, the comments. We really appreciate it. Um, thank you so much for joining us on this journey.

SPEAKER_01 5:32

Yeah. More obviously to come.

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Follow our socials.

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Yeah.

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Engage.

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Engage because we're sick of seeing the views being in the thousands. Okay, but the likes and the comments are yeah, I need to talk about that.

SPEAKER_02 5:50

What, like, I don't this is gonna sound so conceited, and I don't mean it this way. Okay, like kind of mean it this way. Okay, let's hear it. How do you have almost 1700 views on a reel and you have 30 likes? I just because people are not engaging. Jealousy. Jealousy.

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Is that what it is?

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Or is no, I'm just being an asshole.

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People scrolling, they're they couldn't they're lazy. They're lacey.

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God forbid you move the nub to give it a little one, two. Like one, two. It's this thing on.

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Yeah.

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One, two. That's it. That's all.

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Little double click.

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That's all.

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Never killed nobody. Never killed nobody.

SPEAKER_02 6:42

Speaking of, that's all. Double Wears Prada 2. So we did see that. Oh. We had a little date after our recording sesh last week, and we went and saw Double Wears Prada 2. And not as iconic as the first, obviously. Because nothing will ever compare, but it was close.

SPEAKER_01 7:05

It didn't disappoint. I like I'm really glad that they did it. They did it justice.

SPEAKER_02 7:11

They did.

SPEAKER_01 7:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:13

It was so good. The fashion, the humor, the little twist at the end.

SPEAKER_01 7:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:23

Wasn't expecting that. No. How are things at coach? If you know you now. Won't spoil anything for anyone in case you haven't seen it. But if you haven't, highly recommend.

SPEAKER_01 7:36

So good. It was very, very good. Well done. Definitely.

SPEAKER_02 7:40

So good. So what else have you done this morning? I mean, I feel like we were like already texting at like 6 a.m. That's right.

SPEAKER_01 7:51

Which normally isn't a thing for me on a Sunday, but I did decide to go to church this morning.

SPEAKER_02 7:59

She's so good. She's so holy. She is forgive her father for she has sinned.

SPEAKER_01 8:06

She she does have to get right with Jesus at the end of the week, you know what I mean? You know?

SPEAKER_05 8:13

I should probably do that.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

Um you know? Uh no, it just makes me feel good when I go, and um that's what it's about. And um I will say this morning. So we're recording Sunday, so it's Mother's Day today.

SPEAKER_02 8:31

Happy Mother's Day to all you beautiful mothers out there.

SPEAKER_01 8:34

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 8:35

Don't know where my mother is, but happy Mother's Day.

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Click.

SPEAKER_02 8:45

That's why I need the razor phone.

SPEAKER_01 8:46

That's right. Click. Um, yeah, so it's Mother's Day today, and I I went, I decided to go this morning by myself. I usually go with uh my brother. And um, but I went by myself, I sat down, I got myself a little comfy spot, and um right before, like a minute before they're about to begin, they do like a little countdown on the screen. Like so that people will like get into their seats. But the countdown today included Oh Jesus is about to give a breakdown. The countdown today included um a vintage video of Mr. T singing about mothers. I don't know if you're familiar.

SPEAKER_02 9:34

Who's Mr. T? I pity the fool. What? You don't know who Mr. T is? Matthew. Girl, I would not ask a question if if I knew. Who who's Mr. T?

SPEAKER_01 9:45

Do you know who Mr. T is? Absolutely. Okay, great. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 9:49

Oh, okay. I see. I see.

SPEAKER_01 9:52

Big bullets.

SPEAKER_02 9:53

Yeah. The third wheels being banged up on.

SPEAKER_01 9:57

You know, this week I do have my phone on me, and I will be Googling Mr. T for you because you're gonna see.

SPEAKER_02 10:02

You're gonna hit it with a little chat GBT.

SPEAKER_01 10:04

No, not okay, okay. Thank you, Mr. T.

SPEAKER_02 10:07

I could either okay, okay. You know, I'm better with faces. Okay. Better with faces. All you had to say was um the landing strip on the head. Where are the cones?

SPEAKER_01 10:27

Oh god, not the landing stroke.

SPEAKER_02 10:30

Girl, tell me it looks like something else. It doesn't, it doesn't.

SPEAKER_01 10:34

But anyway, so Mr. T is singing to me at 7:55 a.m. about mothers and how we need to make them and be grateful for them.

SPEAKER_02 10:46

If you have one.

SPEAKER_01 10:47

If you have one. And um, you know, it was like this funky disco moment, and I'm sitting there staring at the screen, and I'm like looking around, and I'm like, um, no one seems to be phased by this. Mind you, I am new to this church, so maybe they're like they are used to antics like this.

SPEAKER_02 11:08

Antics, she says. But I was like, I mean, was anyone like joining in and songs?

SPEAKER_01 11:16

No, it was just like this, it was the countdown, and then Mr. T in the background dancing and singing with his background singers, like at Studio 54 in 1980 something. And I'm like, does nobody else see that this is happening on the screen right now? Like, am I the only one that's looking at Mr. T? Really, it's just you hallucinating. Yeah, right. I'm like, I'm just a colonial woman on the wing of the plane. There's something they're not telling us. Oh my god, maybe.

SPEAKER_02 11:50

Can you imagine the whole time you were just imagining that? It was like okay, listen. They're like, newcomers experience this. I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_01 12:02

Why would you say that to me? Because now I'm gonna be all day like should I email them? Okay, like was that real? Or I need to speak to the pastor. I need to speak to the I need to speak to the pastor immediately. I need to get into the confessional now. They don't do that there, but yeah. That's a Catholic thing.

SPEAKER_02 12:25

I know. Um that's like the best part.

SPEAKER_01 12:28

I've never done it.

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Forgive me, father, for I have sinned. It has been three days since I stole a piece of gum from my mom's purse. That's like what it's like being a Catholic child and going.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

I mean, I was baptized Catholic, but my parents didn't like force us to do oh, yep.

SPEAKER_02 12:49

So everything's clicking now.

SPEAKER_01 12:52

Um, I mean, I think that they were forced to do all that. Yeah. And they didn't want to force us to do that. So they didn't, but so now we've looked into different branches of religion. Yeah, so that's where I'm at religiously. Anyway, we don't have to dive into that because that's a little personal.

SPEAKER_02 13:14

I thought this was all about being raw. No, you're right. You're right.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

Maybe, maybe if the people want to hear about it, I'll tell them.

SPEAKER_02 13:21

But I just feel like that's a very leave a comment, engage.

SPEAKER_01 13:25

Yeah, I'm asking Let us know in the comment section. If you want to hear about my religious journey, let me know. I'd be happy to share, but I'm not gonna shove it down your throat. Anywho, I do want to share this little thing that this little piece. Um, because today's uh sermon was about friends and friendship. And I thought it was a I really liked this sermon actually today. Um and there is a quote from John 15, 13. Okay, and it is um, there is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends.

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And that it made me think of you because I would lay my life down for you.

SPEAKER_02 14:09

Honestly, I think it might need a tear. I mean uh a tissue for the tear. That like that's that's really sweet.

SPEAKER_01 14:18

Today's sermon really hit home today in a good way.

SPEAKER_02 14:21

You know, I feel the exact same way for you. Would lay down and take a beating for you.

SPEAKER_01 14:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:27

Like, I value our friendship, our sisterhood.

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Our sisterhood is really what it is.

SPEAKER_02 14:34

Facts. Um, that's that's very sweet.

SPEAKER_01 14:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:39

Next, no, I'm getting it.

SPEAKER_01 14:40

On to the next. Um, I just wanted to share. Um, no, it did make me think today. I'm like, you know what? I'm grateful for the friendships that I have. I hope that I am as good of a friend to others as others are to me. And that's really I can, you know, the only thing I can really hope for. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:00

So I love that. That's so sweet.

SPEAKER_01 15:03

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 15:04

It's like a very endearing moment for the shitstorm that's about to come next.

SPEAKER_01 15:10

Yeah, I'm I'm sat. I'm ready. Now that I've gotten right with Jesus, it's time to fuck that up.

SPEAKER_02 15:20

All of that's left in the confessional.

SPEAKER_01 15:24

Um time to fucking create new things to pray about next week.

SPEAKER_02 15:28

Well, shall we talk about rotisserie gate? Do you want to just unpack that or um we shall, but I feel like I need to give like a little bit more of the back end of the beginning of the week.

SPEAKER_01 15:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:49

That like then led up to that.

SPEAKER_01 15:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 15:52

Okay, so give it to me. Well, I mean, what a week in the salon, honey. Like. So the software that we use.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

Oh fuck. How could I forget about that?

SPEAKER_02 16:04

Oh, traumatized last week. So the software that we use in the salon won't even mention the name of it because you will be getting an email. Um crashed nationwide. Like, no one could use it, not functional at all. So, like, if you work at a salon, well, anywhere that you work and you use a software, that is like any sort of and mind you, this is our like POS system.

SPEAKER_01 16:35

Like, this is our point of sale. This is how we cash people out.

SPEAKER_02 16:38

This is how we're doing everything.

SPEAKER_01 16:41

This is how we retrieve our money.

SPEAKER_02 16:43

This is life money. This is how we got our coin. Correct. Okay. You were with our coin. We weren't having it. No. Which is literally what I said. I was like, you are messing with our daily business and can't have this. So worked the beginning of the week, everything's fine, whatever. Next thing you know, like Tuesday, trying to refresh the page, not refreshing, things are lagging, things aren't loading. Then into the ubisque, dark. Can't see anything, can't see the schedule, you can't book anything, you can't even look up pricing. You can't even look up clients. Yeah. We have clients coming in to get their color done. Now, mind you, honey, color is not cookie cutter. It is formulation, it is chemistry. Everyone is different.

SPEAKER_01 17:40

And I mean, these girls see so many clients in a month, they're not gonna remember each individual person's formula every time they come in.

SPEAKER_02 17:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

So we make a note of it when they come in.

SPEAKER_02 17:51

Yes, everything's on file, you know, past service history, all your future appointments. So, I mean, at one point, I had to shut the phone off because I picked up the phone, did my beautiful greeting as I always do, and was met with a mediocre attitude. And I then kindly explained, unfortunately, I cannot book anything right now. The software that we use is down nationwide. I can't do anything. So I could take your name and number, and I can give you a call as soon as it's back up. Yeah. So you can't book an appointment for me? Babe. No. No, no, no, no. I don't know why things are so hard to grasp, but like if someone says something to you, just kindly listen, process it.

SPEAKER_01 18:48

I feel like one of my favorite things is when somebody calls for an appointment and they're like, um, they ask for the appointment, and I'm like, oh yeah, this person has um they're only here Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Oh no. Oh, so they don't have Monday or Friday?

unknown 19:04

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 19:05

Yep. What did I just say? Yep.

SPEAKER_02 19:09

That I was gonna lead up with um, well, what's the first thing that you have available? Oh, I have Thursday at two o'clock. Really, you don't have anything before that? Oh my god, ma'am. You you're in on the joke. Now, now you know. I get bonused out if I don't give you appointments. So you're in, you're in on it. You know now. Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 19:37

What uh if I had it, do you think, don't you think that I would have offered it?

SPEAKER_02 19:43

Girl, if the girls are not booked, I'm not making money, I have no job. If they're not making money, booked. Okay. So what do I get out of not offering the appointment to you if I have it?

SPEAKER_01 19:56

I think I did one time, not at our current place of business, but our last place of business that we worked together. I think there was a time where I was so fed up, it was in the middle of summer, and I was like, no, like they were they asked me, they were like, oh, they don't have anything earlier than that. And I literally was like, I would have offered it to you if I if they did. And they didn't like that.

SPEAKER_02 20:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:20

But you know what? I was fed up. They oh fed up with it.

SPEAKER_02 20:23

When you finally like give it back, oh, they don't oh, oh, like earth shook.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

Like they don't know if you can't take it, don't dish it up.

SPEAKER_02 20:35

Don't dish it, babe. Don't dish it. So dealing with the software issue, and of course, someone comes in for their appointment. I check them in. Now I let them know you are 20 minutes early for said appointment. Okay. I appreciate people wanting to come early, being on time. Do that.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

Maybe anticipating if they're if their stylus is running a little early, maybe they can take them a little early. Fine. I do get that. Yes. Like, like something. Five minutes early.

SPEAKER_02 21:11

Perfection. We love you. That's great. Ten minutes is really kind of like, mmm, okay. We are on a schedule. The schedule is like a game of Tetris. Okay. If you were to look at it, we double book, we triple book, we do everything is coordinated for a reason. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 21:31

We did not call you to tell you, hey, your stylist is running 30 minutes early. Do not come 30 minutes early. No, because air at us.

SPEAKER_02 21:43

It makes it awkward for everyone. It makes it awkward for the desk staff. Hello, because we're like, okay, well, she's still with a client. Just to let you know, you're a little early. Can I get you a cup of coffee? Can get you a water?

SPEAKER_00 22:01

Do you want to maybe, you know, go walk around shopping plus off and come back.

SPEAKER_02 22:07

Then the stylist sees the notification that their client is here and then they're looking at the desk staff. Hello, like what's going on? Why haven't they? Am I running late?

SPEAKER_01 22:20

Did you tell them that I was here? Yes. And then you know what I got? I don't know if I told you about this one. I think I got it this week and maybe it was the end of last week. Um is she even here today? Oh that is my favorite now.

SPEAKER_02 22:35

We booked your appointment knowing she wasn't right with you.

SPEAKER_01 22:38

I told you she would be right with you and you sat your happy ass down 30 minutes fucking early for the people in the back. For the people in the back to stare at you looking at you like you were a clown.

SPEAKER_02 22:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

Babe, no. Of course she's fucking here. She's out back eating lunch. Is that okay?

SPEAKER_02 22:59

The fuck facts. So anyways, please do not show up 30 minutes early. It's not necessary. Like Shannon said, if we call, then you come. Otherwise five minutes or on time. Thank you. So this person comes in, checks in for their appointment, I let them know you are in fact early for your appointment. She is finishing up with a client. Now mind you at this point this client can see the stylist still working on a client sits down, proceeds to stare at me for 20 minutes, making dead eye contact with me. And I'm like, why are you staring into my soul making me so uncomfortable? I take it this is a day that I am also not working so you don't have to again left me high and dry out here to fend for myself.

SPEAKER_03 23:56

Right.

SPEAKER_02 23:57

And fast forward stylus runs two minutes over no this person's scheduled time. This person walks up to me looks at the stylus looks at me and then goes um is something the matter here do we get double booked? Um did you not hear me when you checked in she is finishing up with a client as you can see and you are early oh no no don't don't so I was already like on it on it because of the software and everything like that and I just looked at them and I said like I said you were early and she is finishing. She'll be with you soon went and plopped their ass right back down. Don't don't do that literally makes it uncomfortable for me the stylist and that client that was in the chair heard you and then felt like they did something wrong.

SPEAKER_01 25:14

Be mindful of other people and so rude on the flip side of that like a couple weeks ago we had that one client that showed up late even though we called her texted her same motherfucking day to tell her the time anyway she shows up whenever the hell she felt like and the client that was in the chair was like you know what I just like I won't get a cut I won't get a blow dry like I feel bad like you're you're you're gonna like run late with this person like whatever and and the stylist stylist was like no it's fine she was late she can wait I'm happy to finish your service that you booked you were on time for like I'm gonna spend time with you. She goes no no I insist like please and she ended up leaving so then that ended up making it so that the stylist lost out on money because she could have got this this client could have had a cut and blow dry which adds to the ticket just because this one person is late. So on the flip side of it don't be motherfucking late don't be fucking rude and don't be fucking rude about it.

SPEAKER_02 26:23

Don't be motherfucking rude don't be inconsiderate of people's time people's money and people's energy because it's rude so rude so anyway then all week long software same thing I I'm hoping tomorrow when I go in it's a better situation because it did not end well.

SPEAKER_01 26:46

I will say so sat Saturdays Jonathan is not with me. So yesterday at work it seemed to be fine although there were like a couple like little glitches like when you would hit um like checkout or whatever like process or whatever on the on the ticket it would pop up with an error message and then you have to refresh the page and then try again and then try again and it would go through love that but yeah so far it's been fine we'll see.

SPEAKER_02 27:20

So I was already in a mood because of all the situations with that.

SPEAKER_01 27:29

I forgot to call you too on Thursday or Friday I don't remember uh you had left for the day and I was closing and um or maybe it was yesterday. I don't whatever anyway a client came up to us um after getting a haircut and was like um I work for another um salon software company oh I know exactly she was in yesterday for a haircut he oh okay so he was like um you know uh you know I just want like I heard that you had some issues with your system like and I'm just like gonna like I would like to take like some notes on like what uh what kind of customer service like no soliciting yeah like what kind of customer service would you receive during this this little glitch or whatever absolutely none.

SPEAKER_02 28:28

I was like hey uh we had none no customer service actually none we would call and it would hang up on you they would text or Jonathan would text them because it tells you um please text the text line and then gives you no option to speak to anyone and then I tried to finagle the system and hit two for sales and act like a new customer because I was like ha ha I'll get someone on the phone and they said ha ha dumb bitch and clicked on me and so I followed instruction and I texted the text line when is the system going to be back up hi there. Thank you for reaching out to blank company our care team monitors all messages to prepare the next available care expert please provide us with your name number and the details of your current support needs so I listened I gave all that along with we have no access to anything can't run our business two days in a row this is unacceptable that was um Wednesday at three o'clock Thursday at 1130 a.m I get your message has been assigned to a care expert will be with you shortly.

SPEAKER_01 30:00

I didn't even bother responding I'm sorry this has been impacting your experience our team is actively working with our third party provider to resolve the issue as quickly as possible and we're pushing them for a solution we know how important this is and we truly appreciate your patience while we work through it we'll keep you updated on our status page how can I access the status page when your software's not working fucking load how can I get retail experience without retail experience ma'am oh yeah okay well he was like oh my god that's awful like so sorry to hear that and I'm gonna make note of that at the next like meeting so that we don't operate that way and I said save us yeah I mean if you would like us to join your meeting we have some cliff notes yeah we have some Cliff notes we will give you the 411 of what not to do facts so I was already in a mood and what day was it what that I sent my um I believe it was Friday.

SPEAKER_02 31:20

Friday morning yeah okay yes it was so I waddle my ass into the salon Friday morning and I'm in a fairly decent mood and I start opening and I go out back to the employee room and there just plopped on the table is a fucking uncovered rotisserie chicken just left out I just want to say if you follow me on social media you would have seen my beautiful post of the four beautiful children that I birthed Violet, Carla, Tiki, and Audrey four legged I am no one's mama okay I do not want to clean up after you if you are a savage and you eat rotisserie chicken with just your fingers let me get you a bib.

SPEAKER_01 32:31

Oh my god anyways I do not want to clean up after people so mind you I'm at home getting ready for the day getting ready to be to go and sit with my girlfriend here at the desk all day and fucking kiki and have a good day and I receive the group text that he sent.

SPEAKER_02 32:53

So I sent in our um work chat a picture of said rotisserie chicken following this do you guys do this at your own house clean up after yourself and I knew in that moment she chose violence yeah I was like I knew in that moment been pushed she was not she was not lay in but I also want to segue into another part of the rotisserie chicken on who it came from okay said man okay yeah listen for all you single dweeb men that struggle with the dating buying a rotisserie chicken and dumping it at someone's workplace once a week is not how you get a date. Honey we want cash we want jewelry we want cash app we want yards bag we want we want shenane we don't want the rotisserie chicken bag and it wasn't even organic just take take a deep reflect on yourself as a man that is not going to bag you a woman I just want to be does it substitute a monetary tip for any kind of service that you receive absolutely not again cash jewelry cash app preferably just a black card linked to your AMX is sufficient enough um oh speaking of new watch new husband oh Matthew's like shut the fuck up not other people's husbands giving me jewelry bling bling bitches is mad oh I hope people get that reference if you don't need leaks from Real Housewives of Atlanta go watch that type it in it it's worth it oh god so that is how I greeted everyone Friday morning at the salon I'm not proud of it but bullshit you love it no because no I should uh no clean up after yourself no you don't love the the action that provoked it but you love fucking clapping you love clapping back you're ignorant am I wrong no you that's why I didn't say you're wrong I just said you're ignorant that's why I said you're ignorant fucking bitch so um that was Friday in the salon followed by a few jokes ha ha ha and then I punched out and came home for the weekend and I've had a beautiful weekend. I love that for you until yesterday oh wait there's more I've been waiting uh since 24 hours ago for this okay so like no pressure I hope it like lands lands fuck I'm sorry but you you were like get ready oh I was yeah I was oh I was fuming rumor has it police were almost involved because I was about to catch a case oh my god I was about to body bag someone let's hear it okay I can't wait all right so Matt and I yesterday we had a beautiful low-key morning and then we decided like hey let's not be lazy fucks and let's go do something so we went to the Rentham Outlets and if you're from Massachusetts everybody knows rent them outlets it it's not as good as it used to be I'll just say that but we are frequent flyers we love to go because who doesn't love scoring a pair of vans for 20 bucks yeah we love a bargain we love a bargain and we certainly love Tavern in the square oh tits we love tits fried pickles oh my god that tavern burger the secret sauce secret sauce so good the cape really has nothing that's true so we need to open a franchise here yeah we'll sponsor that so we make our way to the outlets and we pull in and if you've ever been to the outlets you know the parking lot okay like you could usually get a good spot not honey there were cars parked in the last row of the entrance it was packed mayhem packed packed oh I guess Mother's Day weekend yes and you know people getting their tax returns but that's another topic okay um was it the first of the month did EBT hit anyways oh my god chose violence we start shopping around we hit a few stores everything's good have a great experience at Converse the essay there shout out to him super sweet super helpful loved it the van store they were great then we make our way into Lids and I should have known by the um wall of marijuana hitting me in the face when we walked into the store that it was not going to be a pleasant experience. Oh my god and here you have two associates who just stay home don't don't don't do it just stay just collect like everyone else seems to be just sitting at home collecting so you can just join in just no personality liter Mugaman were they young no oh no like our age if not older oh okay one of them who never left the back of the desk the cash rep the other one who just I don't know if her hat was on too tight and just no brain was I mean it was no blood was flowing to the brain no oxygen was no one's there oh my god so I mean we're super nice hey how's it going we're looking for uh Boston Red Sox hat not a fitted like do you have it in like a larger size because you know big domes and no I don't know I don't know like it just could not function. What the clearly they were the ones smoking because whoa so um after navigating our own way through the store we did find the hats that we were describing and checked out and just the gentleman at the cash rep no personality like not anything 56 and you can grab your receipt like just you can grab your receipt yeah because they have this like slot in front of the cash rep that like you literally have to put your hand down into their counter to grab the receipt you know that game to be robbed you know that game where they're like guess what's in the box yeah and it's like a snake or some shit like that. Yeah that's what it was giving grab your receipt like is someone gonna pull me down no like is it in the in the gutter like what's gonna happen back yeah so that what that whole experience was just stupid to be quite honest. Okay. So we then make our way over to the cosmetic company store. Oh your favorite it is my favorite mostly because you know being a previous essay lauder employee for so long I just love all the brands and if you don't know what the cosmetic company store is it's all Estee Lauder brands sold in this one store at a discount things that are like discontinued or overstock just they have everything Mac, Bobby, Clinique, Aveda, any lauder brand they have it there. So I usually like to go there and grab a few things because I don't work for the brand anymore. So that's my chance to get a discount. And I always have a good experience in there. The girls are decent like it's fine. So we go in yesterday shopping around the associate there super pleasant greeted us right away I recognize her from previous times and she's helping this other woman who's shopping um and I should have known it was going to be something because now mind you I was nowhere near anyone minding my own business and I'm bent over grabbing a product and I hear behind you and it was the other woman that this associate was helping and I just puckered up real quick like so sorry I'm in your way I was over here by myself like doing my thing but whatever. Yeah so this woman is being like super extra just like touching everything swatching everything scooping into jars which that's a no don't be disgusting that sanitation for a reason this is why coronavirus spreads hantavirus by the way keep them on the ship aka they're already off but

SPEAKER_01 44:00

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 44:03

Anyways, she's just being foul. So I grab my items, I cash out. Girl's being super nice to me. As I go to leave, the woman who I would love to be like behind you is stuffing a box of product into her trench coat pocket.

SPEAKER_01 44:32

Oh no.

SPEAKER_02 44:35

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 44:36

You're what you're witnessing a fucking robbery.

SPEAKER_02 44:41

I saw red. She then like starts walking back towards the associate, acting like nothing's happening. I turn to my husband. She's stealing. I lost it. Oh my god. I start pacing. I'm staring at the associate. I'm trying to get her attention to be like, baby girl. Keep the eyes on her. So I'm paying I'm like, I need to do something, Matt. I need to say something. I'm not happy. I can feel like tomato face. I'm beat red because I'm getting so pissed.

SPEAKER_01 45:18

I can see it now.

SPEAKER_02 45:18

Yeah. Because I'm beat red right now thinking about it. So I'm pissed. I'm pacing. She's trying to act like nothing's happening. The phone rings. So the associate now walks behind the cash rep to get the phone. So I'm like, oh no. So I go running over to the cash rep and I'm like, you need to keep eyes on her. She just put a box in her pocket. She's stealing. She goes, Oh my god, thank you. And comes running out from behind the cash rep with the phone. And now I'm like, there's nothing I can do because you don't work here.

SPEAKER_01 45:53

I don't work here.

SPEAKER_02 45:55

I really do not feel like getting arrested for body slamming a 50-year-old woman to the ground at the rent them outlets, and it's not even Black Friday specials. I was unwell. We then walked outside, and Matt is like, Are you okay? I'm like, No, I'm not okay. No, I'm not okay. I am pissed. I'm like looking back at the store, waiting for her to walk out because then I'm like, you know, maybe I'll say something out here because Oh, we know it.

SPEAKER_04 46:28

We know how I love conversation.

SPEAKER_02 46:32

It's not a good quality to have. So I'm like just slowly walking, waiting to see if she comes out, nothing happens. I'm like, okay, maybe that's the Lord's way of telling me to just walk it off. Mind your business. You did your part. So the whole ride home, I just kept saying, I'm pissed. I'm so pissed. Like, because for many reasons.

SPEAKER_01 47:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:00

First off, don't be scum. Do not steal. That is disgusting. Do not do that. It's also rude. And second, you do not need luxury skincare. Okay. And I've said this before. And I don't know how people work asset protection like at a grocery store. Because if you were like a mom and you were stealing food to like feed your kids because you can't afford to feed your kids, I would turn an eye. And that is heartbreaking.

SPEAKER_01 47:33

Not for nothing, not for nothing, too. I know that both you and I have grown up in situations where not a lot was had. I'm very grateful that my parents had the means to keep clothes on our backs and put food on the table. But their struggle was not a secret.

SPEAKER_02 47:57

Oh, definitely not. I mean, my father worked construction, and there were times where we were eating steaks, and then there were times where we were like eating saltines, like humble. Yes. Humble, like struggle was real. My parents always struggled. They did the best that they could, and I'm thankful for that. And that if you are stealing food to feed your children, that is totally different.

SPEAKER_01 48:23

If you are stealing or fucking women's products, yes.

SPEAKER_02 48:28

Yes, yes. First off, that shit should be free. Should be free.

SPEAKER_01 48:34

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 48:34

Should be free. We're coming after you, US government.

SPEAKER_01 48:37

You're next.

SPEAKER_02 48:38

You're next. But that I just have zero tolerance for stealing. Absolutely disgusting. Do not do it. You belong in a special place in hell. Um, and it also hits me a different way because I've worked retail. I have watched people steal. I've had to bite my tongue at times, or have had confrontation when stealing is trying to occur. Um, don't do it. You do not need to steal luxury skincare, you do not need to steal a handbag. These are all things that you can go without. If you can't afford it, you don't deserve it. Facts. That just is what it is. And it flashed me back to a time when I worked at Sunglass Hut.

SPEAKER_01 49:37

Oh boy. Because that was a time in itself.

SPEAKER_02 49:40

Oh. Should like, should I I think I should go into a little detail on my sunglass hut days because I think it can be, I think it can be wrapped up in a few keywords. Um, Adderall, Diet Coke, hydroxy cut.

SPEAKER_01 50:00

That's right. And AC.

SPEAKER_02 50:05

The AC would be cranked in the dead of winter. My store manager, who was wild, and then I fell down the wild rabbit hole with her. Um shout out, girl, because like we had some great times at the hut. But yeah, like waking up, drinking a Diet Coke, taking a hydroxy cut and an Adderall, and just the chest was pumping. Like, I don't know how I never had a heart attack. I was never allowed to eat there. I was even like when the Adderalls running off, I'd be like, Do you want to like get something for lunch? And she, we don't eat. And I'd be like, You're right, you're right, you're so right. Yeah, we don't eat. We definitely don't eat. It would disgusting. We need more diet coke. So we were already like a little tweaked, tapped, between whatever, the tease, whatever you want to call. Yeah. So and I was assistant manager there, and her and I kind of just like ran the show how we wanted to run it, and always said to our employees, don't do what we do, please, because we're crazy. Just follow the guidelines. If someone is stealing from you, do not approach them. Try to use recovery statements like the company says. But her and I had a very different outlook on it.

SPEAKER_01 51:45

You would body slam people. I basically accost you.

SPEAKER_02 51:50

Yeah. I had a gentleman who came into the store one day and was giving tweaker energy. So we were matching. Yeah. You know, and he had a pair of sunglasses tucked into a shirt, like right here in the front.

SPEAKER_01 52:09

But he came in with.

SPEAKER_02 52:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 52:11

And this was my favorite because this is always like a dead giveaway that you're trying to do something. You already come with a pair on your shirt, and then you're like removing that pair to put them on the counter and picking up other pairs because you think that you're confusing us. You're dumb. No, all eyes are on you. We're cued in. You have suspicious behavior, like it's not working. You look dumb. Go home. So that's exactly what he started doing. Trying on Ollie's sunglasses, and like was comparing his to the sunglasses in the store and putting them both down on the counter, then grabbing another pair. Follow the cup magic trick. Yes. Honey, I see the cup. I know where the cup is. Yeah. So. And I was waiting because I I just knew that it was coming and I would I was ready. I was like, oh, I've been bored. So let's just fuck around and find out. Yeah. And that's exactly what he did. So he took his pair of shitty sunglasses and tucked it into the drawer where a pair of my Versace were, and took my Versace with the price tag and tucked it back into his shirt. I waited a moment and then I sauntered right over to him, opened up the drawer, pulled out his, put them on the glass case, and I go, give me back my fucking glasses and get the fuck out of my store. What do you mean? I go, exactly what I just said to you. Give me back my glasses. I know you're trying to steal, and get the fuck out of my store. You're banned from Sunglass Hut. No, man, man. No, no, there's a there's a misunderstanding. They they look just alike. I go, really? They look nothing alike, and mine have a price tag on them. Get the fuck out.

SPEAKER_04 54:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:11

He scurried out of that store so fast.

SPEAKER_04 54:14

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 54:16

And thank God none of my other girls ever did that because like that just.

SPEAKER_01 54:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 54:21

It was not for nothing. They were probably like cutie little fucking.

SPEAKER_02 54:24

Oh my god. They were all beautiful blonde, like bombshells size two.

SPEAKER_01 54:29

Like tiny little things. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:31

They would have been plunked over the two seconds. Whereas, like on the surface, you're like, Oh, honey, don't let the crow curls fool you.

SPEAKER_01 54:43

And once you once you start playing, you're like, Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:47

Oh, when the gas station voice comes out, oh, can I get 20 and 10?

SPEAKER_01 54:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:51

Like, so foul.

SPEAKER_01 54:54

It's my favorite. I always used to make fun of you because whenever a male client would call to make an appointment.

SPEAKER_02 54:59

Oh, it gets so bugged.

SPEAKER_01 55:00

Yeah, man. Sure. Yeah, of course. Y'all get you right in there. We'll see you then.

SPEAKER_02 55:06

Later.

SPEAKER_01 55:07

Later.

SPEAKER_02 55:07

Hey, buddy.

SPEAKER_01 55:08

Yeah, exactly. And then and then fucking fucking. We have messaged fucking bimbo walk in. You're like, oh bitch. Love the bag.

SPEAKER_02 55:20

Oh my god. So versatile. Like, she's a chameleon. She's good. She could swap out and be anything. I'm just that bitch. Yeah. Well, so. Don't fucking steal. Don't be fucking rude. Don't be fucking rude. Don't fucking steal. Don't be grimy.

SPEAKER_01 55:45

Also, not for nothing. Like, you're messing with people's careers at that point because, like, you're stealing on somebody's watch. They might get reprimanded andor fired for that. People make commission off of like in some stores, they make commission off of sales.

SPEAKER_02 56:01

At the hut, there was a policy. Stolen pairs get deducted from your check.

SPEAKER_01 56:08

Yeah, see, right there.

SPEAKER_02 56:10

You are fucking with people's livelihoods because you want to be sketchy. Don't do that. Like uh just it's fucked up. How about this? 90% of these fucking stores that you're stealing from offer a beautiful employee discount along with an application because everyone's desperate to hire. Take your skank ass there and punch in and make an honest living, and then you can buy that product with your employee discount. There you go. Just don't do it.

SPEAKER_01 56:42

Problem motherfucking solved.

SPEAKER_02 56:44

Reminds me of uh the the housewife that I chased through the mall one day because she tried to steal a pair of aviators from me.

SPEAKER_01 56:54

Why are you chasing down a real house housewife?

SPEAKER_02 56:56

Oh yeah, bust her outside of J. Crow.

SPEAKER_01 56:59

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 56:59

She was real stunned when she walked out of the store pushing her baby carriage, and I'm standing right there waiting for her. Yeah. Came into the store. Oh, I'm looking for a pair of aviators. You know, those fucking Ray-Ban aviators. Uh yep.

SPEAKER_01 57:16

Listen, I was a Ray-Ban aviator bitch.

SPEAKER_02 57:21

Thank God you're not now. Well, got you in some Gucci's.

SPEAKER_01 57:25

Yes, but I still own those aviators and I love them.

SPEAKER_02 57:27

But I don't witness them, so that's what I care about.

SPEAKER_01 57:30

Okay, fabulous.

SPEAKER_02 57:31

Yeah. Traumatized from working at Sunglass Hut.

unknown 57:34

Right.

SPEAKER_02 57:35

So, yeah, she walked into her. I need a pair of aviators. 20 minutes of my time, I'm going through all these Ray Bans with her. Next thing you know, she's like, Well, I think I was looking for this color. And it, you know, at the time it was all about those mirrored lenses. Like the silver, the blue, the pink, the green. Yeah. So she was looking for a pair that I didn't have on display. And I said, Oh yeah, hold on. I have those in backstock. Let me get them. So I'd go to get them. I come back. I'm showing them. Okay, well, I'm gonna think about it. I'm like, uh 30 minutes of my time, but okay, sure. You think on it. And I'm putting all the pairs back, and I'm going, hmm, I'm missing a pair to put back on the display. Interesting. So I ran to the camera room, rolled it back five minutes, and yeah, that's when I was going to get the extra pair for her from Backstock, she took the pair and threw it in the baby carriage and put the blanket over.

SPEAKER_01 58:41

That's gross.

SPEAKER_02 58:42

That's disgusting.

SPEAKER_01 58:45

That's gross.

SPEAKER_02 58:46

Your children are ashamed of you.

SPEAKER_01 58:48

Happy Mother's Day.

SPEAKER_02 58:50

So I grabbed my keys, swung my little metal um gate down, and I started stomping the yard through the mall. And I found her ass circling around J. Crew on the clearance um rock.

SPEAKER_01 59:09

Allegedly. Or she didn't, she didn't purchase anything.

SPEAKER_02 59:14

She didn't purchase, but she loves the five-finger discount. And I was standing there and she walks out and she like on the face, you could see it cold. I go, you have a pair of my sunglasses. No, I don't. I go, you do. No, I I don't know what you're talking about. I go, you bitch. I have you on camera. You threw my Ray-Bans in the um the baby carriage and put the blanket over it. I said, I already called Wait, was there a baby in there? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 59:43

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 59:44

I said I already called PD. They're on their way. I said, so just give me back my glasses.

SPEAKER_03 59:51

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Disgusting.

SPEAKER_01 59:57

Also embarrassing, dude. Like you get caught. That's fucking embarrassing.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:03

You're clearly not good at it. So just give it up. Get a job. Like.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:10

I'm sorry that your husband won't fucking give you money to go shopping.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:14

What's that life like?

SPEAKER_03 1:00:16

It's awful.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:19

Matt, we need another debit card for Shannon. Tap her in.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:25

Put me on the account.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:27

She's on the payroll. She's on Massoud and Trust.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:34

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:38

Well. There's a lot of lessons to be learned in this episode, I think.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:46

From church.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:47

Get right with Jesus.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:48

To stealing.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:50

Don't do it.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:52

To social media engagement. Fucking do that. If you love us, if you care about us, you'll do it.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:02

And fuck your rotisserie chicken.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:06

Facts. On that note.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:10

You can follow us on um Instagram and TikTok and also subscribe to our YouTube, all at Living in Lavender Podcasts.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:20

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:21

Thank you so much.