SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to Living in Lavender.

SPEAKER_02 0:06

Controversial.

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It belongs in the pond.

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Always where the heart is, babe.

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Do you smell the toast?

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Is that supposed to be a read or then one thing led to another?

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Don't was see though too much.

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You make the schedule.

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Don't be fucking rude.

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Hello. Welcome back.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

Good motherfucking evening.

SPEAKER_02 0:41

Good motherfucking evening.

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Or good morning. Good afternoon. Happy motherfucking Friday.

unknown 0:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:52

It's been a week.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

It has been a week.

SPEAKER_03 0:57

Yes. Welcome back to Living in Lavender.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

We are your hosts. Don't do that. Don't do that. We've got to be a little bit more than that. We've been sitting here for 20 plus minutes because why is nobody ready? Our sound engineer, who clearly just punched in for his first shift on the job with no experience. No, I'm kidding.

SPEAKER_03 1:31

We got new mics, okay?

SPEAKER_01 1:33

We're feeling brand new.

SPEAKER_03 1:34

And we're feeling brand new.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

We're feeling on uh gripping this thing for dear life.

SPEAKER_03 1:43

You can talk for yourself because oh I I know, excuse me. I um no hands, mom.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

Look, Ma, no hands.

SPEAKER_03 1:53

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 1:56

Happy Friday, babe.

SPEAKER_02 1:57

Happy Friday. I made it.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

We we made it. We crawled. We cried. We no, no cry. I cried. You know, that's okay. Every once in a while you need a good little cry.

SPEAKER_03 2:13

You know, I woke up today fresh as a fucking daisy.

SPEAKER_01 2:16

So liberating, right?

SPEAKER_03 2:17

Yeah, it was great.

SPEAKER_01 2:18

20 pounds later.

SPEAKER_03 2:19

Yeah. Well, I wish.

SPEAKER_01 2:22

Well Zetbound.

SPEAKER_03 2:25

Yeah, I just witnessed Jonathan.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

Uh, pack it in, pack it up.

SPEAKER_03 2:30

Getting his fucking boot up for the fucking week. Oh.

SPEAKER_01 2:35

I just want to touch on that for a moment since I posted my little my Instagram post about my weight loss journey. AK. If you can't beat him, join him. And I have jumped on the bandwagon of Ozempi, Terzeppitide, Zbound. I'm on my fourth month. Don't do the Wagovie. Not good. Lots of side effects.

SPEAKER_02 3:11

Lots of side effects. Lots of hair loss.

SPEAKER_01 3:13

The wagoovie, as I've heard someone call it before.

SPEAKER_02 3:17

The wagoovie.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

The wagovy. What's happening? I'm losing my hair from the wagovie.

SPEAKER_03 3:22

Oh. I was gonna say, are they are they having experience with goo or lack thereof?

SPEAKER_01 3:30

Lack of. Lack of. But no, I am on trzepatide. This is my fourth month. Mild side effects.

SPEAKER_03 3:40

You look fabulous.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

Thank you, babe. Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate that. Of course. I think when I posted that picture on Instagram the other day, that was like the first time that I've like kind of seen it, noticed it. Because that shirt I haven't worn in a long time. And you know, going through the closet, I'm like, ugh, I hate everything I own. Hate it. And then I was like, well, I haven't tried this shirt in a long time. Let's just uh, you know, ruin my morning and try it on and remind myself that I can't fit into something.

SPEAKER_03 4:12

And you didn't hate it.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

No, I was like, okay, wow. And then I like was looking in the mirror and I was like, This looks different. And so I went through the good old photo album and found the photo from like the last time I remember wearing it.

SPEAKER_04 4:32

The archive.

SPEAKER_01 4:33

The archives, the collective, if you will.

SPEAKER_04 4:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:36

And I did like a little side-by-side comparison and I was like, shit, I can definitely see it in my face.

SPEAKER_03 4:43

That's why they say do before and afters. Take like take progress picks.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

So if anyone out there is thinking about doing it, do it. Do it for yourself. I I have to say, probably one of the best choices I've made. A lot of, you know, health things that I had beforehand that kind of pushed me in this direction. So cute. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 5:09

Love this for you.

SPEAKER_01 5:11

Thank you, babe.

SPEAKER_03 5:12

Yeah. I'm next.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

Oh, I thought you were like cutting me off. Like you were here next to talk.

SPEAKER_03 5:21

No, I mean I'm next on the fucking Z train. Babe.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

I think I still have like a little leftover from the beginning months. Let's just shoot her up now.

unknown 5:33

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 5:34

Okay. Matt. Pharmacist. Get it out of the fridge. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 5:41

Get a fresh needle. Tap the needle. Get the syringe out.

SPEAKER_00 5:46

No bubbles. Anywho.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

So we just had a gorgeous meal. The thruple gathered. And we got Chinese takeout. We did discuss maybe doing a mukbong. Um feel a little insecure about that.

SPEAKER_03 6:11

Yeah, we're not feeling ready for such things, but maybe if we launch our OnlyFans because people will pay for that.

SPEAKER_01 6:23

Yeah, yeah. I know some people that are making hand over fist.

SPEAKER_00 6:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

Hand over fist, honey.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:31

It's like, let me shake these titties while I still got them.

SPEAKER_03 6:36

Shaking the titties while eating a crab ring.

SPEAKER_01 6:40

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:43

Dripping the sweet and sour all over my body. The pickles. The pickles.

SPEAKER_01 6:50

The pickles.

SPEAKER_03 6:54

So anyway, I just went to TJ Maxx.

SPEAKER_01 7:00

Oh yeah. How did that go?

SPEAKER_03 7:02

Did you I have never been to that location.

SPEAKER_01 7:08

Alright. It's a slight letdown.

SPEAKER_03 7:11

Um here's the thing. I and the cashier did tell me at the end, like, oh yeah, we just did a restock or whatever, and I'm like, oh well, that might be why I lucked out. But um I mostly was perturbed by the people that I saw there. First of all. And it was like kind of a roller coaster of emotions, to be honest, because um I was I was greeted at the door by none other than Celine Dion.

SPEAKER_01 7:49

Do you care to elaborate? Um you can't just like hit us with that and then pause.

SPEAKER_03 7:57

I did see the one and only Celine Dion at this particular worker, there was an employee at TJ Maxx who looked I was aghast because I was like Celine, you are Celine Dion. Undercover. Like, what are we doing? I was a little starstruck, and then she turned her head and I was like, oh nope, not you, but oh pretty goddamn.

SPEAKER_01 8:33

Obviously, not getting any residuals from Titanic if she's working at the TJ Maxx, honey. No downloads on Titanic.

SPEAKER_03 8:41

And that's the I was like, I was I was starstruck the second I walked through the door. So that immediately set me off of like, okay, what is my mission right now? Um then I continued through the store and I saw some teeny boppers. Fine, whatever. Saw some old fucking crusty bitties, fine, whatever. I was like, it's getting a little late for you. It's getting a little late for you to be out and about.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

Then does Mayflower know you're driving past curfew? Shall we call the shuttle?

SPEAKER_03 9:20

Spaulding called. They're looking for you.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

There's an amber alert.

SPEAKER_03 9:26

Yeah, is it amber alert or is it fucking silver alert?

SPEAKER_01 9:29

Silver. Silver. What some sort of alert, whatever.

SPEAKER_03 9:34

It's a colored alert.

SPEAKER_01 9:36

As the phone starts beeping.

SPEAKER_03 9:38

Yeah, literally. Um I get to the I get to the line to check out, okay? And I'm everything's fine. At first I'm a little taken aback by the woman not crouching, not like kneeling, sprawling across the floor looking at products on the shelving that's like in the line, you know?

SPEAKER_01 10:04

Oh, like the we're gonna get you. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:09

She's watching.

SPEAKER_03 10:10

Yeah, she's in there with her cart and she's not like I'm not kidding, fucking laying on the ground.

SPEAKER_01 10:15

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 10:16

Like looking at things, items.

SPEAKER_01 10:18

And I'm like, I'm just not her jumping down into a split.

SPEAKER_03 10:21

Yeah, I was like, okay. I so I just carefully stepped around her because I was like, I'm not gonna stand behind you doing whatever it is that you're doing.

SPEAKER_01 10:33

Ma'am, have you fallen and you can't get back up?

SPEAKER_03 10:36

I didn't know if I should ask. Like she was very clearly worth looking at items, so I was like, okay, that's an interesting deep in thought. Yeah, she was she was gonna take a moment to ponder, okay, by laying down. Whatever. I brush it off. I get behind these two young men clearly shopping for I don't know who, but they were getting little trinkets, so birthday gift, perhaps. And I notice like there's a woman that's being helped by a cashier, and you know, it's taken her a little bit, and then I see her damn near like jump behind the counter. And she goes, I'm saying I don't have a receipt. And the lady's like, No, I I heard you, that's fine. I I just am gonna call my manager over. There's like a way to override. Like, I don't know what the situation was, but there was a something needed to be overridden. Yeah, like something needed to be overridden in the system by a manager, and like this poor employee was trying to call somebody over for that. And this lady's like, I'm trying to tell you I don't have a receipt. You can just give me the store credit. I don't, I paid cash, but you can just give me the store credit.

SPEAKER_04 12:00

And I'm like, Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 12:03

So I was uh not pleased by that. And so then a manager came over. Mind you, the two boys walked away, and so now I'm next in line. And I noticed that there's like a younger man waiting at like next to the cashier that's helping this crazy lady. And the manager comes over and goes, Oh, like to the to the the kid waiting, uh, was like, oh, you can you can take her on whatever on three, say, right? And so he goes to hop on three, and the manager's like, I said take her on one.

unknown 12:40

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 12:42

And I was like, no, he didn't.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

He did not say that. Excuse me, ma'am, you're wrong. You're incorrect.

SPEAKER_03 12:47

Yeah. So then I'm like, what the fuck? So I so then I go to walk over to wherever this kid is going, and sh and he the manager looks at me and goes, Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am, not you. And I'm like, then who? And apparently there was somebody waiting, like at a cash cash register that had a light off. It was very confusing, okay? So whatever, I I finally get called over by somebody. My it was a lovely experience, whatever, great conversation. And um I walk out and they're uh sitting a fucking I don't know what the fuck her deal was. She had to have been in like her maybe mid to late 50s, early 60s perhaps. And she's outside hysterical on the phone, and she's like, I have to go to a funeral tomorrow. I have nothing to wear. I'm at TJ Maxx. Mind you, she's ripping a butt, sitting on the steps, and she's like, I have nothing to wear. I'm gonna go to Walmart. I can't find anything here, I don't know what to do. She's sitting like, and mind you, she has like she's a bad lady.

SPEAKER_01 14:02

Like Wally World has been killing it with the fashions lately, but that's a side note.

SPEAKER_03 14:07

I have to agree. I have to agree.

SPEAKER_01 14:09

I have a couple of items that sorry, I just I just had to touch on that.

SPEAKER_03 14:14

Yeah, but I don't know. I was I was very overwhelmed by my experience today at TJ Maxx, and I just wanted to share, especially because I saw Celine Dion.

SPEAKER_01 14:26

I wish every time Matt and I went to that TJ Maxx, we saw Celine because we see absolutely trash when we go there. Like they never have any good merchandise. Like, who goes to TJ Maxx and walks out empty-handed?

SPEAKER_00 14:40

Right.

SPEAKER_01 14:41

That that's that like yeah. Player two over there. Yeah. Yeah, that TJ Maxx is not good. What did you get? You didn't even tell us what you got. Um, so I got people.

SPEAKER_03 14:55

I got two uh lovely spring dresses.

SPEAKER_01 15:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 15:01

And a cute little wedge. A wedge heel moment.

SPEAKER_01 15:06

Okay. Florals for spring. Groundbreaking. Love that.

SPEAKER_03 15:12

Yes, they were florals.

SPEAKER_01 15:13

Are you gonna give us a little fashion show?

SPEAKER_03 15:14

I wasn't going to, but Okay.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

Well, that's rude.

SPEAKER_03 15:17

Especially because we're not on video today.

SPEAKER_00 15:20

I was feeling a little bloated after the Chinese food. I haven't eaten like that in a moment. Okay, well.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

There's always next week. There's always next week. Bring your fashions for next week. I'll bring my fashions. Bring the fashions. Yeah. Love that.

SPEAKER_03 15:38

Anyhoos all. I just wanted to share that little tidbit.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

I love that.

SPEAKER_03 15:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:46

I want to talk about my depression this week.

SPEAKER_03 15:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 15:49

And how I was really hoping. Really, really, really hoping that hantivirus was gonna put us into a lockdown. Yeah. I was really hoping to go into a countrywide lockdown to have a little break.

unknown 16:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:10

Really miss COVID lockdown times. Yeah. During the time it seemed so scary, knowing now.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:20

You know, like the first couple weeks, you're like, oh my god. Like, am I dying? Do you have the COVID? I have a tickle in my throat. Who have you been in contact with? It must have been someone at the grocery store. Yeah. And then fast forward a little bit and bitch, we were thriving.

SPEAKER_03 16:39

We were thriving. I mean, Granton.

SPEAKER_01 16:42

Money. Yeah. Shopping. Yeah. Driving around aimlessly. Granton.

SPEAKER_03 16:48

We were in the same bubble.

SPEAKER_01 16:50

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 16:51

And thank God.

SPEAKER_01 16:52

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 16:53

Um.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

Ratchetry. Yeah. That was. Uh, I could taste the baked stuff lobster right now. That was our meal during lockdown. We like. We were uh what was that, like twice a week? Yeah, at least. How embarrassing. Thank you, U.S. government.

SPEAKER_03 17:20

I cannot believe that weird video that we were having baked stuffed lobster twice.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

I don't even care. Like doing $400 Sephora orders in Louis Vuitton.

SPEAKER_03 17:36

To wear makeup aware.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

Like literally beat the face to then go sit on the couch and drink like a gray goose soda.

SPEAKER_03 17:45

Listen.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

Gained a shit ton of weight during that lost day.

SPEAKER_03 17:51

My skin, because of said Sephora order, had never been clearer, but I had also never been fatter. That's not true. I'm fatter now, but that's when it all began.

SPEAKER_01 18:03

Uh yeah, that was I was always a thick girl, but COVID blew me over the edge, honey. She was a blown-out tech.

SPEAKER_03 18:15

Because we were doing nothing but eating, drinking.

SPEAKER_01 18:18

Eating, drinking, sitting on the couch, fucking watching below deck and fucking driving to P Town every other day and blasting, blasting, fucking sweet 16, and Shannon fucking serenading me in her fucking sweats and top knot singing sweet 16 to me. As I'm like, let's drive to P Town and get a coffee. Like fucking 50-minute drive to get a coffee because we were so fucking bored.

SPEAKER_03 18:47

We were so fucking bored, and we were like, we just need to feel something.

SPEAKER_01 18:51

Like our restaurant doesn't open till five. Can't get a baked stuff lobster to get.

SPEAKER_03 18:56

Like we might as well kill time.

SPEAKER_01 18:58

Yeah. We thrived during that though.

SPEAKER_03 19:03

I've never been happier. I've never been happier. I've never been wealthier. So embarrassing to say. I know. And it's crazy because in the beginning, I will say, the first like two weeks, like you said, I was freaking the fuck out.

SPEAKER_01 19:15

Oh my god, I remember the panic attacks. Yeah. Panic attack. Both of us. I remember like text. I don't feel good. I have a scratch in my throat. And like probably because I lived in a mold-infested house. And just like to be clear, not my choice.

SPEAKER_00 19:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:34

I was the Clorox king, but it was an old house. Mildew could not control it.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

So that is why I was getting sore throats. But every other night I was having a meltdown, being like, oh my god, I have COVID. I got it from someone at the grocery store. My god.

SPEAKER_03 19:52

I knew I should have never gone to the fucking stop and shop with you last night.

SPEAKER_01 19:56

Yeah. Fucking packing into the Yukon and doing like $1,200 Shaws orders.

SPEAKER_03 20:02

Like, if do you remember that?

SPEAKER_01 20:05

The first, the first shopping trip pulling in and all of us jumping out of a door of the Yukon. Like we were SWAT. Like we are here to swarm the Shaws. Three cards fucking way. We are fucking taking you down. Fucking three carts later.

SPEAKER_03 20:26

Fucking all the way. Things falling out of all three cards. Like so out of hand. It was out of hand. It was too much, but I remember feeling like we were part of a zombie apocalypse. There was nothing on the shelves. I was panicking. We went to fucking four different grocery stores up and down the Cape Cod fucking island. The Cape Cod Island. We were freaking the fuck out.

SPEAKER_01 20:57

Sheer panic.

SPEAKER_03 20:58

I think by the end of that, I don't remember who was sitting in the I think it was me, honestly. I was sitting in the back and there, I was like sitting on top of groceries.

SPEAKER_01 21:07

Yeah. Yeah. No, like literally sitting on top of groceries.

SPEAKER_03 21:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:12

That was all we did was we didn't even stay at our own house.

SPEAKER_03 21:17

Right. Well, I didn't, I was fucking, I was living with my mother at the time and my younger brother. Yeah. And I could I love my mother dearly. But I just could not. But I also was scared and I was freaking out every other day, like, oh my god, like I got it from the fucking grocery store, and now I'm gonna give it to my mother who's fucking compromising.

SPEAKER_01 21:40

And at the time your mom was still working, she was working with the public.

SPEAKER_03 21:43

Oh yes. She was working in the nursing home. Yes. I was yeah, yeah. I was worried about giving it to her because then she was gonna bring it to the old people.

SPEAKER_01 21:50

Yeah, but it was a spirit of her bringing it to us.

SPEAKER_03 21:52

Bringing it to us. I was also worried about me giving it to her because she's also compromised. So I was like Okay, might as well just never be home.

SPEAKER_01 22:02

And so And so we created our bubble. And so we created our bubble. We uh basically lived with our employer at the time. At the time. Like, and oh my god, that the just driving out on the beach, like just I it seems like a blur.

SPEAKER_03 22:24

Yeah, it feels like a really it feels like a big thing.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

I just remember being happy. Yeah. So honestly, that's what I was hoping for this past week. I was really hoping that I would turn on the six o'clock news as I'm drinking my coffee and would see that we were going into a lockdown again.

SPEAKER_03 22:40

Our lockdown now would look very different, but don't say that.

SPEAKER_01 22:44

Don't don't don't break my dreams.

SPEAKER_03 22:47

Okay. You want to go back to eating and drinking every day and watching.

SPEAKER_01 22:51

Well, I can't now because I'm on set bound. I'm not hungry. But but I would love to go back to like being in the home all day. Yeah. Yeah. And like, you know, working in the yard, driving to P Town to get a coffee because I just fucking can't.

SPEAKER_03 23:10

I fucking can and want to.

SPEAKER_01 23:12

More or less, I just want to hide from the general public.

SPEAKER_03 23:16

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:18

Like and subscribe.

SPEAKER_01 23:21

Follow all the socials.

SPEAKER_03 23:22

Follow all the socials because all the socials. And if we could just work from home, that would be fucking fabulous. They're just, you know. Alas, we have to deal with. Oh, speaking of dealing with the fucking public.

SPEAKER_01 23:38

Oh, tell me.

SPEAKER_03 23:39

I didn't fucking like anybody's attitude today.

SPEAKER_01 23:43

My favorite is. First off, when someone just blows right past you, acts like you don't even exist.

SPEAKER_03 23:56

After you say, hi, good morning. How are you? Are you checking in?

SPEAKER_01 24:01

Blows right past. Says nothing. Girl. Thank you. Then my absolute favorite, this is oh my god. And you you witnessed this.

SPEAKER_00 24:10

I was fucking.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

I am I am the most pleasant bitch you will ever meet. Like, all right, thank you so much. Have a great weekend. And I'm being fucking genuine as fuck. Like, otherwise, I wouldn't fucking say it. Right. If I didn't feel that way, I would not say it. And I am met with I mmm.

SPEAKER_03 24:35

Um was literally what was like that was the response.

SPEAKER_01 24:41

I was so like, let me let me restate that, okay? I go, have a wonderful weekend, and I met with mmm. What in the fuckery is that? Are you did you choke? Did you get nervous? You like you were gonna say something and then you got scared and you couldn't say it? So you mmm does something taste good? Why are you saying mmm? Why is that?

SPEAKER_03 25:14

I couldn't. I could not believe that I witnessed that in real-I mean it's happened to me before, but not so like genuinely.

SPEAKER_01 25:25

Like I've been I've been like met with I slowly turned my head to look at Shannon to make sure I was hearing the right thing.

SPEAKER_03 25:38

That that why?

SPEAKER_01 25:41

Why is that?

SPEAKER_03 25:42

I couldn't, I don't think it could hide my facial expression.

SPEAKER_01 25:45

I was like just stunned. That took my breath away. Just like Celine Dion takes my breath away.

SPEAKER_03 25:59

Exactly. And that is that was within like the first 20 minutes of me clocking in today. I was so shocked.

SPEAKER_01 26:08

I just was like, okay, I will fuck myself in the corner. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 26:14

And it was such a loud mmm.

SPEAKER_01 26:17

I there is like really no other way to describe it other than mmm. That was Oh man. I would rather you say nothing. Yeah, like don't don't make noises at me. Like what is that?

SPEAKER_03 26:36

Like, what are you and then something uh somebody else today? I was cashing someone out. I don't remember exactly what I said. Oh, I said, um, would you like a receipt? You know, at the end of cashing her out. And she just like did like it looked like she was having a like a slight seizure. Wouldn't look at me. Yeah, wouldn't look at me, like, didn't give me an answer, picked up her belongings and left. And I was like, okay, like how about answering verbiage, yeah, perhaps.

SPEAKER_01 27:15

Get hooked on phonics, perhaps. Like, whoa. Um, oh Matthew, you'll love this one. What celebrity do I look like?

SPEAKER_03 27:26

Oh, I forgot about this.

SPEAKER_01 27:28

What celebrity do I look like? I'm gonna give you till the count of five. I wanna hear an answer. One two three, four, five, you failed. Do you have an answer? Do you want to lock it in? No. What? No. Oh my god. Do you do not have words? Is there something you'd like to say to the people, Matt? I am alarmed. My husband has seemed to misplace his words. Okay. So no no guesses. You don't, I don't look like any celebrity. Yeah, baby, because I'm one of one. Anyways. So this girl today, she's like, I just have to say, you look like Sam Smith. I don't know if you get that, but you you look like Sam Smith. I don't want you to take any offense to that. Yeah, I don't want you to take offense to that. And I was like, oh my god, it's really funny that you say that because when I was really fat at like my fattest, I used to get that comment all the time. Oh my god, you look like Sam Smith. Which I think is crazy because I don't think you look anything like Sam Smith. I currently in my um new stage of life, I don't think I do, but I think prior. I I think I similar. I wouldn't say we're like a like doppler situation. It is not a replica, but um I would say we have similar features as in like, you know, being fat, but anyways.

SPEAKER_03 29:11

I don't even think Sam Smith's like fat.

SPEAKER_01 29:13

No, he got skinny.

SPEAKER_03 29:14

Well Did he get skinny? He's been skinnier. Right? In the beginning, right?

SPEAKER_01 29:21

I feel like he's thick he's thicker now again. I think he's thick now, and now that he likes to like, you know cross-dress, if you will. Um but he's he's giving bada yada yaddy.

SPEAKER_04 29:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:36

Yeah. Which I mean, I'm giving body yada yaddy, so but you were supposed to play into the game. That wasn't fun. Is that current? No, that's that's old, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:50

Yeah, that's whatever I think of Sam Smith. Whenever I think of Sam Smith, I think of that like that version of Sam Smith.

SPEAKER_01 29:58

You know what? You know what that's giving. Wait, I just okay. Hold on we should we should have done a visual. Yeah, we should have. We should have we really flopped on that.

SPEAKER_03 30:08

But you know what's crazy is neither one of those images look anything like you to me.

SPEAKER_01 30:14

No, I like I said, I don't think we look. What is it? Oh, you're ignorant.

SPEAKER_03 30:21

Why is it ignorant? I just said you don't look at anything.

SPEAKER_01 30:25

Oh, I thought he was trying to say I look like that.

SPEAKER_03 30:27

Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_01 30:28

I was like, okay, count your days. So wait, pull that photo back up, and then we just have to take a moment. If if you're on my socials, you could find this deep in the archive.

SPEAKER_03 30:40

Oh my god. Uh it's giving you Mary Kate and Ashley.

SPEAKER_01 30:48

We'll just say that.

SPEAKER_03 30:49

Whenever I see that picture of you, I'm like, God damn, that's Chris Jenner.

SPEAKER_01 30:55

And you know what? Yeah, she this was like Mike Chris Jenner.

SPEAKER_03 31:00

Baby girl, I don't know who told you that that blonde was okay.

SPEAKER_01 31:05

Um, this was right around the time that Miley Cyrus did her whole chop and bleach, and I was feeling inspired. I was new to the cosmetic world. I was like, Oh, was that not at the hut? This was at the hut, like second time around when I did it.

SPEAKER_03 31:25

And so if you tuned in last week.

SPEAKER_01 31:28

We know about the hut.

SPEAKER_03 31:30

We touched on the hut.

SPEAKER_01 31:31

So if you want to see Jonathan, Adderall, Hydroxy Cut, and Diacoke, pack it in, pack it up.

SPEAKER_03 31:40

Fucking sunglass hut, fucking Barbie over there.

SPEAKER_01 31:44

It yeah. She's giving Malibu.

SPEAKER_03 31:49

Yeah. It's giving Bowie gem.

SPEAKER_01 31:51

Oh. I'm screaming.

SPEAKER_03 31:54

Why do you look like you're taking pictures like at your kids' prom?

SPEAKER_02 32:02

You said fuck the kids. Take a picture of mama.

SPEAKER_01 32:06

Remember like back in the day when like the Kardashians would go to like Tao and like LA and shit and do yeah. Like the club appearances. And this is what it's giving. Like, not the bedazzled wall. I mean all black, just like fucking hand snapshirable wings, cheesing so hard. Like, I'm so fucking cool. I'm fucking hot.

SPEAKER_03 32:30

Doing like a fucking cheer smile, like oh my god, top of the pyramid.

SPEAKER_01 32:35

Oh my god, suck it in, girl. Yeah. One last diet coke, okay, bitch. Yeah. That was that was the time.

SPEAKER_03 32:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:46

So wow. Wow. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 32:49

We'll be making a repost for that. Yeah. Anyway.

SPEAKER_01 32:53

So I I mean, I don't think Sam Smith and I are twins, but I think we're definitely fat gay men with the comb over. Actually, I don't even think he has those anymore, but that's okay.

SPEAKER_03 33:08

I also don't think he identifies as a man anymore.

SPEAKER_01 33:12

We don't have to go there. No, we're not going. No. We're not. No. That's okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:22

Whoa. Anyway, what's next on the docket? This evening.

SPEAKER_01 33:30

Like I don't really oh.

SPEAKER_03 33:34

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 33:36

Fucking Mia Thermopolis, Queen of fucking Genovia, reached out to me this week. Yeah. I received an inquiry asking. No, no, no. That's a different story. We can't talk about that on here.

SPEAKER_03 33:59

What?

SPEAKER_01 34:00

No one really about um I know that the salon opens at this time. Um, but I'm graduating and I need like to get my hair done, like three hours prior to like what the salon opens. 6 a.m. asking if we would open to do her hair. So I oh okay, okay. Mia Thermopolis. Queen of Genovia. Let me just roll out the red carpet. Get off the grass. Shh. I need to learn the other language so I can like we that that is on the to-do list. Yeah. Because I'm always like, get off the grass, and then I go quiet.

SPEAKER_02 34:57

Yeah, because you're like, I don't know what they say.

SPEAKER_03 35:07

Um, you didn't tell me about that. Um so this girl wants is this is high school graduation?

SPEAKER_01 35:14

Um, no, no, no, no. Nursing school.

SPEAKER_03 35:17

Okay, and she wants you to open at 6 a.m.

SPEAKER_01 35:20

Yeah, to get her hair done for graduation. Do you want it up to? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:32

I it's it's just baffling. Inconsiderate. I just can't wrap my head around any of it. The thought process. Like, what is not what goes through your head? Like, you know what?

SPEAKER_01 35:57

Someone here as good as COVID lockdown was when we came out of it, we don't know how to interact.

SPEAKER_03 36:06

We don't know how to fucking deal with functioning. Like, I just don't know. Like, it's it's yeah, like, what are we doing? What are we doing? What are we doing? I every day, every single day, I'm flabbergasted by someone conducting themselves in a way that is just so like the time that lady called me fat in the salon.

SPEAKER_01 36:39

Do you want to talk about not knowing how to conduct yourself?

SPEAKER_03 36:43

Okay, but that's crazy because that was pre-COVID. Was it pre-COVID? Oh, 100%.

SPEAKER_01 36:49

Oh. So I was even at my fattest. She should have stuck around. Because whoa, what did she have a fucking surprise?

SPEAKER_03 37:01

Um my god.

SPEAKER_01 37:04

I that was really pre-COVID. I'm like 90% sure. Yeah, maybe you're right because her ass did get off the flex bus, and I don't think the flex bus was like a thing. No, it was, but like her, I could I see I've never had to take it, so I don't know its schedule.

SPEAKER_03 37:21

Judging by the interaction that we had with said woman at the time, I'm gonna go ahead and say that she probably never came out of her hole after COVID.

SPEAKER_01 37:35

Well, judging by the way she looked and she acted and carried herself, I would say that um she probably lived in the Hobbit Hole. Yeah. Um so like I think she's still down there. Probably Shad and I are eating lunch one day. Mind you, like we had subs, right? Is that what we were eating subs or something?

SPEAKER_03 38:01

I don't remember what the fuck we were eating. Sandwiches or something.

SPEAKER_01 38:04

We were definitely eating zombies, dude. No, I think we were eating sandwiches from the Italian market down the street. Remember when we went on Crabanos? Yes. Yeah. Oh my god. They're still alive and are they?

SPEAKER_03 38:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:19

Oh, that's a field trip. I've not been there.

SPEAKER_03 38:22

I tell I tell Sean about that. Uh Sean's my boyfriend, by the way. Um, I tell Sean about that every other day.

SPEAKER_01 38:30

We're gonna touch on that shortly, too.

unknown 38:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 38:33

Whatever, dude.

SPEAKER_00 38:36

I'm worried. Worried about my wife.

SPEAKER_03 38:39

Anyway, um, I don't recall us eating at the time, but I do recall.

SPEAKER_01 38:44

Honey, all we did was eat.

SPEAKER_03 38:46

Well, yeah, okay, okay, oil baby, okay, whatever. Yeah, we were fucking sitting at the desk and fucking dripping greasy fucking Italian fucking oil all over us while we were serving the public. I don't care. Like all I remember from that whole situation is scurrying away. Because I was scared that Jonathan was going to set the scene.

SPEAKER_01 39:15

So Shannon and I are sitting at the front desk and at this particular salon that we worked at where the desk was, it was like tucked away in a nook. Like it was not easily seen. Like you had to like really be in front of it to see the desk.

SPEAKER_00 39:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:36

And mind you, you could hear a pin drop coming. We could hear people coming in and out of the building, like steps, everything. We had two entrances, one of them no one ever used was like at the front of the building on a main street, and we had parking in the back of the building, so people always came in that entrance.

SPEAKER_03 40:00

Like pedestrians could access that. Like it was always unlocked.

SPEAKER_01 40:03

It was always unlocked, but like nobody really ever used it. Yeah, if you were a client there, you always came in the back way. So we're sitting there eating our fucking Italian sandwiches, going in, enjoying ourselves, and the fucking front door blows open and quickly, immediately drop sandwich, wiping the hands, every like how are you right back into it. Like, if and if you work in this industry, you know what it's like. You don't really get a lunch break, you kind of have to eat in between when you can. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:41

So and you don't really have you can't really leave the desk. Like, there's not like you, you know, somebody's gotta man it.

SPEAKER_01 40:46

So that's what we're doing. And as soon as someone comes in, we dropped everything and got right back to our job. So the fucking front door whips open and scares the shit out of me, basically. So I hurry up and like wrap up the sandwich. I'm wiping my face. I'm like, hi, how are you? And I am greeted by a fucking hurricane.

SPEAKER_03 41:12

I have to be totally honest. I that whole experience is a blur except for the words that are burned into my brain that she said to you. And I don't remember what she was there for. I don't remember what she like looked like. I just remember the words that came out of her mouth, and I moved. I never moved so fast in my life. I ran away.

SPEAKER_01 41:35

Could be a hundred. I I slightly remember the beginning of this conversation. I think it was something like I need to make an appointment with the gentleman.

SPEAKER_03 41:49

And oh right.

SPEAKER_01 41:50

Yes. Okay. This is how it all started.

SPEAKER_03 41:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:53

So I said to her, Oh, I actually don't have any men that work here. And she, yes, you do. Which, by the way, I mean, honey, I'm the manager of this establishment. I do the hiring, I do the firing. I think I would know if I have a man on staff. So I kindly just explain, no, unfortunately, I I don't have any gentlemen that work here. I'm actually the only man that works here. No. There's someone here that does my hair. Oh. I think you have us confused with another place. Uh, you know, now, mind you, I've never seen this woman in my life. I brand fucking new. I I had been there for a few years at this point. Yeah. Knew the faces, knew the names, no idea who this woman was. And I again kindly say, No, I don't have another man that works here. And this is where it's kind of foggy because then she starts because you see red. Not yet. But shortly, I do, she starts to say something like, well, you know, he looks like this, and she's like trying to describe somebody, and I go, No, I'm the only man. Well, the other man, he's slender. And so I just I knew immediately where we were going with this.

SPEAKER_03 43:34

And so I that's when I stand up, just so everybody knows.

SPEAKER_01 43:38

I'm not sure what you mean. And she goes, Well, what did you want me to say? He's not fat like you. Yeah. And I, this is where Brad enters the chat. I literally go, You can get the fuck out. I Shannon, I if A butthole kapucker. Shannon was startled. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 44:06

And to be fair, like this is like.

SPEAKER_01 44:09

And I'm standing. I'm like face to face this with this woman.

SPEAKER_03 44:13

Which is why I had to move.

SPEAKER_01 44:14

I'm not gonna bear witness to it. A barnacle, okay, has all these bags just came off the flex bus. And she's just she was you're rude. I go, no, you're rude.

SPEAKER_03 44:29

Get the fuck out now. Mind you, I really quick, just to clarify, the flex bus is Cape Cod's like public transit. It's like public transit bus that goes from one end to the Cape to the other. And um I at this point, like in my career, in my life, I am still pretty like I had grown like a thicker skin because of dealing with clients, but like still a little timid, still like very much like customers always right, like sort of minded in that moment.

SPEAKER_01 45:16

Not in this case.

SPEAKER_03 45:17

Well, in this case, that's why I was like, I'm gonna leave.

SPEAKER_01 45:21

The woman chose violence. I didn't even do anything to you. I was kinder than shit.

SPEAKER_03 45:27

And like she she wouldn't, and she wouldn't leave. And she wouldn't leave. And you were like, I'm gonna call the police if you don't get the fuck out.

SPEAKER_01 45:37

And then she goes, I'm gonna call the owner. Ma'am, ma'am, let me go get her. If you can find the owner, tell her I've been looking for her too. Whoa. I think you go ahead and call her. Do you need some corners for the pay phone? Oh, because she fucking hobbled her ass out that door and then proceeded to stand on my curb to wait for the next bus. That is shame. That is shame. Like, I yeah, that was so out of pocket. So out of pocket. And then that's when I started eating big stuff lobsters, and I really got fat.

SPEAKER_03 46:31

Um, you turn red when you get angry.

SPEAKER_01 46:37

Oh, yeah. I tomato face.

SPEAKER_03 46:40

He turned red and didn't stop being red for probably four days. Oh my god, no.

SPEAKER_01 46:46

I think I had flames shooting from my big toes. I was every orifice of your body was fucking shooting. I was I was so distraught, I couldn't even eat the rest of my sandwich.

SPEAKER_00 47:01

No, you tossed it, and I was like fucking $8 of Yarsberg in there.

SPEAKER_01 47:10

Like not the ciabatta. Yeah. Just ma'am, I need the fucking $12.99 for my sandwich that you just ruined for me. Because I'm distraught. I like can't believe that like yeah.

SPEAKER_03 47:30

Like, oh my god. I scurried, I scurried my little ass so fast to like around the court. Like, obviously, I wanted to keep listening. But yeah. I didn't want to visually witness anything in case there was a court order that I was there for witnessing.

SPEAKER_01 47:48

I never saw that woman again. Never ever. I had never seen her prior to that day. Like, never day after. Like, she must have been a ghost from my past. Like, what who are you, ma'am? Yeah. Like, does the ward know that you're out?

SPEAKER_03 48:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:07

Like silver alert.

SPEAKER_03 48:11

She wasn't even that old. She was like middle-aged. If I recall correctly.

SPEAKER_01 48:19

To be quite honest with you, I blacked out. I don't really know.

SPEAKER_03 48:22

I don't recall exactly what she was.

SPEAKER_01 48:23

It was definitely older.

SPEAKER_03 48:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:26

She was I would say 50s. Yeah. Maybe 60s. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Definitely an age where you know how to interact with people. Or at least should. I don't know. Maybe say he's got brown hair, he's got black hair. We don't need to bring weight into it.

SPEAKER_03 48:45

You don't need to fucking blatantly call someone fat to their face.

SPEAKER_01 48:49

Ma'am, I would like to let you know I have lost weight since sponsored by Zet Bound. If we could get a sponsorship, though.

SPEAKER_02 49:00

I mean, please.

SPEAKER_01 49:02

Drop into the DM. Please.

SPEAKER_02 49:05

For the love of all things, holy.

unknown 49:08

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 49:09

For the health.

SPEAKER_02 49:11

For the diabetes.

SPEAKER_01 49:13

Oh, not the diabetes.

SPEAKER_02 49:15

Oh god, she's well on her way. Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_01 49:19

I'm so excited for the weekend. I'm not. But I'm excited.

SPEAKER_04 49:25

I'm excited to not be working.

SPEAKER_01 49:27

Yes. I'm excited for a weekend off. The weather is supposed to be relatively good. Yes. I got my wonderful father-in-law coming down to do our deck. We're replacing our deck.

SPEAKER_03 49:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 49:41

So stoked about that.

SPEAKER_03 49:42

Super exciting.

SPEAKER_01 49:44

Couldn't do it without him.

SPEAKER_03 49:45

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 49:46

Shout out to Chris. We appreciate you.

SPEAKER_03 49:49

Oh. Great. I'll be hosting multiple parties.

SPEAKER_01 49:53

Yabe.

SPEAKER_03 49:59

And that's how I feel.

SPEAKER_01 50:01

Have a good weekend.