SPEAKER_06 0:01

Welcome to Living in Lavender.

SPEAKER_03 0:05

It's controversial.

SPEAKER_06 0:07

It belongs in the pond.

SPEAKER_01 0:13

Always where the heart is, babe.

SPEAKER_06 0:16

Do you smell the toast?

SPEAKER_01 0:18

Is that supposed to be a reader? Then one thing led to another.

SPEAKER_06 0:23

Don't waste it, though too much.

SPEAKER_01 0:26

You make the schedule.

SPEAKER_06 0:29

Don't be fucking rude. I was gonna say happy Tuesday. Because that's when all of you will hear this, but it's really the Thursday before Happy Thursday.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

Happy Thursday.

SPEAKER_06 0:51

Thirsty Thursday. Whatever the children call it these days. I'm fucking geriatric and don't partake in the shenanigans anymore. Right. How you doing, babe? How you doing?

SPEAKER_03 1:09

I'm a little flustered, but we are recovering slowly. How are you?

SPEAKER_06 1:17

You know, I'm coming fresh off a 72-hour hold.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_06 1:28

Or shall I say I should be on a 72-hour hold?

SPEAKER_03 1:31

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_06 1:32

I I'm done. I'm done. I do not want to see another out-of-state plate. Yeah. I do not want to see another line. I do not want to be here anymore. Okay. It's not the one. It's not cute. Quack, quack. Get the fuck off my island.

SPEAKER_03 2:00

I just no, and I do get it. I I definitely do get it.

SPEAKER_06 2:05

I had a surprise day off today. Because I have an amazing boss. Shout out to Jen. Love you, Queen. Thank you. I think she knew I needed a mental health day.

SPEAKER_03 2:19

She knew that you were on the brink of the city.

SPEAKER_06 2:22

She knew that I was asking for a 72-hour haul. But um, you know, spent the morning doing house chores, woke up feeling like a crackhead, and was like, get up, Matt. We're deep cleaning everything, we're moving the bedroom around. It was giving like middle school sleepover. Let's move everything around. Let's hang my posters. And that is what we spent our morning doing.

SPEAKER_03 2:56

Is that why we've changed locations of our filming?

SPEAKER_06 3:00

That would be correct. That would be correct. You were picking up on a theme here where I needed some shaking up because I'm so sick of being stuck in the house because of all of these tourists. I can't go anywhere.

SPEAKER_03 3:17

I can't move through the cabin. I can't do anything. And now I fully understand. Because I want y'all to know I was met with when I arrived a fucking time. Late. Make yourself fucking comfortable.

SPEAKER_06 3:34

I did ask if you wanted a water or a dining coke. I did ask if the temp was okay in the household for you. But I did have the blind open, staring out the driveway, waiting for her arrival. Even though I do have her location. I was watching the pin move.

SPEAKER_03 3:53

You also knew where I was all day. Because I did not get the fucking surprise day off, Jen.

SPEAKER_06 4:03

When you've been doing it as long as I have.

SPEAKER_00 4:05

Oh.

SPEAKER_06 4:06

I'm just gonna yeah. I needed a little extra mental health day to just kind of like reset. Reset. Not hear the Ray, you don't have anything sooner. Really, it takes two seconds to do my haircut. I come washed. I come, I come washed. Or my favorite. Um I got that today. Someone walked in this week and was like, this used to be great clips, right? That is so ignorant.

SPEAKER_04 4:51

Could you like honey?

SPEAKER_06 4:54

Do you not see the flower beds outside? Supercuts could never they could do you not see the window displays. I'm offended.

SPEAKER_00 5:04

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_06 5:05

We've been in this bitch for 30 years. Supercuts wishes. Okay. That is so fucking real. I go try three doors down. Like, bye. Stay home. Bye. Stay off the road. Yeah. Learn how to use a rotary. I did scream at someone in the parking lot of Walmart today. Right. Well, it I shall say it was a very tame scream because, like, usually I'm very vocal. And today it was just a head snap. Are you gonna slow the fuck down?

SPEAKER_03 5:48

Did they hear you?

SPEAKER_06 5:49

Or they were- Oh, they did. Yeah, their window was down. They were they were listening. Because then I heard a and I go, fucking idiot. As a family was trolling behind me into Walmart, too. Well, I mean, goddamn. I'm just here protecting the people. Okay. I'm doing the most. I should be at the bus stop with a fucking stop sign. Oh, yeah. Fucking guarding the children.

SPEAKER_03 6:14

That's where you can catch Jonathan in September guarding the children in the crosswalk.

SPEAKER_06 6:20

Not even because those little shits talk back. Hell to the no.

SPEAKER_03 6:24

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_06 6:26

So, you know, here we are. Right.

SPEAKER_03 6:30

Well that.

SPEAKER_06 6:31

Excited to be sitting with my girly. Yes. Divulge.

SPEAKER_03 6:37

Oh, what is there to say? Where do I begin? You know, I had a beautiful morning by myself, opening the salon. Silencio. Gorgeous. It's exactly what I needed and wanted. I um did my little, you know, opening routine, sat down, had, you know, um, you know, folded the towels, had enough time to, you know, organize my personal life in my calendar and my phone.

SPEAKER_06 7:15

She's booked and busy.

SPEAKER_03 7:17

Yes. I was I was on it. I was on it this morning. And then people started to arrive, and it just slowly deteriorated, if you will. Um, where do I begin with that? I'm not sure. Um met with a lot of really, she really can't do me today. Baby Girl we're booking two weeks out. Even longer, you know.

SPEAKER_06 7:52

I want to buy um. Do you remember back in the day, Staples? They had the bad. Okay. I want to, we need to Google. We're at a Google.

SPEAKER_03 8:03

We could probably get it on eBay. Something real cheap.

SPEAKER_06 8:06

Or maybe even find one that can like record, you know, like build-a-bear. Like one of those moments. Yeah. Where it's like, ding, ding, ding, caller 90. You are the winner. We have a secret appointment waiting for you.

SPEAKER_00 8:26

Just because you asked.

SPEAKER_06 8:28

Like, like, I've been sitting here six hours waiting for one lucky caller to call with that question.

SPEAKER_00 8:38

Who the fuck? Like, holy fuck. It's just fucking availability.

SPEAKER_06 8:48

I bonus out by not giving you appointments. Like, what? You're all in on it now. Everyone knows I make a bonus at the end of the year by not giving you appointments.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

What the fuck do you think I'm doing behind this?

SPEAKER_06 9:02

Like, we open cabinets and money just appears and we pay the bills that way. Oh dumb questions.

SPEAKER_00 9:13

Also, don't get mad at me that I don't have a fucking appointment available during the busiest time of the year.

SPEAKER_03 9:22

You've lived here for long enough, and or you've summered here for long enough, you should know. Book your motherfucking appointments in advance. Please. Listen, if you ain't shining, get off the pot.

SPEAKER_06 9:35

Exactly. It's not my fault that you didn't plan accordingly. Thank you. That's a you problem. Procrastination.

SPEAKER_03 9:42

Right. You can try great clips.

SPEAKER_06 9:44

Girl. I bet your school progress report said he's a pleasure to have in class, but he's a procrastinator. Like, that sounds like a you problem. Not a us problem. A you problem.

SPEAKER_03 9:57

I was very close to looking at this lady in front of me and being because they walked in. They didn't call. They walked out.

SPEAKER_06 10:02

Oh, that's my favorite.

SPEAKER_03 10:03

To ask.

SPEAKER_06 10:04

Yeah.

unknown 10:04

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 10:05

Can't wait to tell you who it was.

SPEAKER_06 10:06

Oh, I can't. I can only imagine. I could actually probably name it two guesses.

SPEAKER_03 10:13

Maybe.

SPEAKER_06 10:14

Maybe three.

SPEAKER_03 10:14

Yeah, maybe.

SPEAKER_06 10:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:16

Um, slams on the desk. Really? I said Where's the button? I'm like, really? Walk in number 91. Like, girl. Like, sit your ass down. Girl. You could try Stop and Shop and fucking get yourself some motherfucking box dye for all I care.

SPEAKER_06 10:42

Go to Sally's. No, just kidding, because that's more of a headache for us. Don't do that.

SPEAKER_03 10:47

You could try Ulta.

SPEAKER_06 10:49

You know, I thought by by the way, I'm wearing new glasses in case anyone hasn't noticed, but you probably did because I um posted on my Instagram follow the socials. Um Zaddy's got a new pair of glasses. She's feeling educated. She's feeling spicy. She's feeling what I thought was reform, but nope, she's still a bitch. Um you know, I thought with the glasses I was really gonna be like changed, reel it in, possibly less swearing. Fuck that.

SPEAKER_03 11:28

No, absolutely not.

SPEAKER_06 11:30

No, I've been pushed.

SPEAKER_03 11:32

Yeah, and I get it. Um anyway, back to my day. Fucking so that happened, met with that. Um one of your favorite clients called to be like, I come washed. Like, all she has to do is blow dry me. It takes her like 20 minutes.

SPEAKER_06 11:57

And if you've been listening, I did reference this in the last episode. I think so, yeah. Um is she gonna be much longer? She's just finishing. I was just asking in case I needed to wrap my hair back up. Um get you know what's a thing.

SPEAKER_03 12:19

And it was interesting because she asked for you.

SPEAKER_06 12:21

Oh, I know, yeah, because I love, first off, I remember a voice.

SPEAKER_03 12:27

I that's a hard voice to not remember.

SPEAKER_06 12:30

True. Very true. There are some that just have a um voice that is nails on a chalkboard. But I am very good at remembering a face, remembering a voice, because I clock it. The second you start to be a bitch, I clock that tone. It's like photographic memory. Click, saved into the archive, bitch file. So, and plus caller ID. I mean fucking anything. I mean hello. Thank you. True, thank you. So I can already um, you know, uh even pick up the phone. Um, yeah, so I know exactly who you're talking about, and I've now started using her name like every other word. That's how like I address her. Yeah. So and then I think she caught on to that because then she was like, what's your name? And I go, Jonathan. I'm the manager. You might want to wrap that up. She's gonna be a few minutes. Rude ass.

SPEAKER_03 13:50

With your fucking already washed hair. I don't give a damn.

SPEAKER_06 13:53

Oh, my favorite when they come pre-wash. I'm I didn't get a wash. Is it any cheaper? Girl, no. Girl, the wash is complimentary. You're you're skipping out on the best part. You should have saved it. Save your swab, okay, girl? Because the price ain't gonna be no different. Let us wash you. Let us wash you. It's a treat, it's a delicacy. Let it let it happen.

SPEAKER_03 14:15

It's part of the fucking experience.

SPEAKER_06 14:17

It's part of the experience. Uh some of you might want a waterboard, but that's another topic.

SPEAKER_03 14:23

But we don't.

SPEAKER_06 14:24

Oh no, we don't, because I'd be in there like grind on me. Take your time.

SPEAKER_03 14:31

Like, he likes to get it real wet in there.

SPEAKER_06 14:33

I know because uh these ladies, let me tell you, wet and gushy. It may be tippin'. Maybe tipping, mama. Sometimes well, sometimes. Tip your service providers and your scalp massager.

SPEAKER_03 14:53

Okay. Someone threw a fing bill at fucking Jen today to tip her, and I was like, I think that's Shannon's biggest pet peeve. I hate it.

SPEAKER_06 15:05

Which is like so interesting to me because you like so want to be a stripper. Oh struck a chord.

SPEAKER_03 15:16

We don't need to share all of my secrets. Oh, babe. There's a time and a place for everything, okay? Me sitting at a desk decent.

SPEAKER_04 15:30

Oh no.

SPEAKER_03 15:31

After providing you a lovely, beautiful, relaxing service, and you're gonna fucking attention to the city.

SPEAKER_06 15:38

See that makes me feel even better than I mean when my husband throws money at me with my clothes off.

SPEAKER_07 15:44

I feel like when he's like, I loaded the card.

SPEAKER_06 15:55

And I'm like Thank you. But I was like, kiss me on the cheek. Don't you love me? Just kidding. Just kidding. It's all for the dramatics, all for the entertainment. Oh god, Matthew. Matthew. Back into the other room.

SPEAKER_03 16:18

He said, back into your cage.

SPEAKER_05 16:23

Back in the placement.

unknown 16:25

Oh God.

SPEAKER_06 16:28

Oh no. Um So how did Jen like the money being thrown at her?

SPEAKER_03 16:32

You know, I didn't I didn't ask her. She was just like, oh, thank you. Well, she was on the phone.

SPEAKER_06 16:36

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 16:38

And I was cashing this lady out. And then um, and the lady just goes in front of Jen, throws her a fucking five, first of all. I can do better. I know the rings you got on, baby girl. I can do better.

SPEAKER_06 16:57

I do have to say that is that's decent, seeing how I have gotten a dollar. Three whole toolets on the credit card and have to pay tax on it. Right. I can't even buy a pack of Trident with that. Not even juicy fruit. Okay, which by the way loses fucking flavor in 2.2. But so I'll take the cash. That's generous. Cash is king.

SPEAKER_03 17:31

Yeah, you know what? We're grateful for everything, however. Don't throw it! So why are we throwing it? Whatever. Anyway, I'm not gonna harp on it.

SPEAKER_06 17:39

She is she is not having the money throwing.

SPEAKER_03 17:42

No, I'm just not. There's a time and a place. Like I said, there's a time and a fucking place. If somebody fucking came no, I would be offended if somebody came into the salon with a money gun and started being like, ooh, I'd be like, what do you think this is?

SPEAKER_06 18:01

Because I was about to like load up the fucking gun and hit my butt. Call our number 20 and start spraying you with money.

SPEAKER_03 18:10

We should do that, but we should start spraying them with fucking 20 vol with fucking 7NN. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 18:16

To cover them roots and be like, yeah, this is later.

SPEAKER_06 18:26

Some fucking blonde me later. Because we need to dull the attitudes. We need to dull the attitudes. We need to use bleach, break through the follicle, get to the attitude, blow that follic out, neutralize it, and hit it with a little tona. Okay. And then a gorgeous blowout.

SPEAKER_03 18:50

And then a gorgeous last night. Shout out to Jackie. Last night, Jackie was like, all right, she was in the sink. She's like, Alright, hun, let's go blow it up.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

And I looked at her and I was like, did you just say that you're gonna go blow it up? Yeah. She goes, I think I did just say that.

SPEAKER_06 19:13

Sometimes like the shit we say is just so funny.

SPEAKER_00 19:17

It's like it's off the cuff.

SPEAKER_06 19:19

Did I ever tell you about the time that I told one of um Jess's clients that she gives great blowjobs? This little lady. Oh my god. And I was mortified. And she was mortified too. But we both looked at each other and started laughing because we both know. She got the cutest little thing came up to check out, had just gotten a blowout. She's raving about it. And I literally just go, Oh, doesn't Jessica give the best blowjobs? And just immediately I was a tomato. I couldn't believe it.

SPEAKER_03 20:09

And I know that you were because you would turn red like that.

SPEAKER_06 20:13

No one. I mean, it's a high blood pressure, but also nerves. I couldn't breathe. I was like, oh my god. And then she just looked at me and I was like, I like started to tear up, and I was like, I'm so fucking embarrassed. And then we both just started laughing, and I was like, I'm so sorry. She's like, I knew what you meant, honey. I was like, that's she does give good ones too. I believe it. Like, oh, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_03 20:50

Oh my god, I wish I had been present.

SPEAKER_06 20:53

That was definitely not one of my finest moments.

SPEAKER_03 20:57

That's iconic.

SPEAKER_06 20:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:59

No, that's that's fierce.

SPEAKER_06 21:00

Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Or how about the time that my timing is impeccable at our previous employer together? You and I like at the desk doing our whole shenanigans as we usually do, thinking that we're like alone, and I called you a fucking cunt.

SPEAKER_07 21:21

And a client walks right around the corner. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 21:24

Which, by the way, a male client.

SPEAKER_00 21:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 21:27

And we all like had the hots for him.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

Like we all looked at each other like and he's he died laughing.

SPEAKER_06 21:36

And he was like, Well, now I see how you treat each other. And I was like, like, so embarrassed.

SPEAKER_00 21:44

And then I was embarrassed because I was like, I promise I'm not really. I'm fucking kidding.

SPEAKER_06 21:48

And I'm like, she is the kind. Can I see your big black truck? Oh. Remember? Do you him? He would show up to I I know his ass saw us in the windows.

SPEAKER_03 22:03

Oh, yeah. And we don't know how to do that.

SPEAKER_06 22:04

That's why he did, but baby grind on me. And I know that's why he was backing that truck up into a parking spot with the trailer being so extra.

SPEAKER_03 22:15

Reving that fucking engine coming across. Oh man.

SPEAKER_00 22:24

And we were straight up licking the window like Jonathan was, and there's fucking blinds.

SPEAKER_06 22:28

Yeah, literally like licking the window, like hello. Yeah. He could get it still, I'm sure. I wonder how he is. We're gonna be doing some stalking after this, I fear. I thought for a moment he was homosexual because um he was getting like frosted tips. It was giving Ryan C press.

SPEAKER_03 22:50

It's giving Clay Aiken.

SPEAKER_06 22:52

But it was just because his psycho ex-wife, who was a client as well.

SPEAKER_03 22:58

A client of mine.

SPEAKER_06 22:59

Oh, that's right. Yes. She was like forcing him to bleach his tips.

SPEAKER_03 23:06

Really turned her on, I guess.

SPEAKER_06 23:09

That K plus 8 haircut, though.

SPEAKER_00 23:12

Oh that color, that colour on that colour.

SPEAKER_06 23:21

She was coming down from that haircut to check out.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

That color.

SPEAKER_06 23:29

That cut. That cut though. Let me tell you. It was giving it wedge salad, remember. Wedge salad. Extra blue cheese crumble, please. That's what it was giving. That shit was serious. It was sharp. It was precision.

SPEAKER_03 23:56

It was a let me get the protractor.

SPEAKER_06 23:59

Let me get the compass. We're going in deep, y'all.

SPEAKER_03 24:04

It was It was giving the Iron Throne. It was giving.

SPEAKER_06 24:10

But wedge salad, remember. Yeah. If you've never had one, oh.

SPEAKER_03 24:15

If you know, you know. If you don't, you missed the couple.

SPEAKER_06 24:19

Buffalo tenders on the side.

SPEAKER_03 24:21

Or a little bit of buffgar.

SPEAKER_06 24:22

Oh, oh. Bufgar. But they are stanky. Stanky. Delicious. But you do not want to see someone two days after eating those. I promise you. He would get I'm telling you.

SPEAKER_02 24:38

We would get into bickering.

SPEAKER_06 24:40

That was a Saturday afternoon treat when we knew we were off Sunday, Monday. To air out the building. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:49

Well, no people would fucking bicker and be like, who got the punk and buff bar?

SPEAKER_06 24:54

Literally. Be like, oh, you stinky bitch.

SPEAKER_00 24:58

Like, you're gonna touch your fucking clients after that.

SPEAKER_06 25:02

Oh my god, what I would sue for a wedge salad now.

SPEAKER_02 25:06

They're fucking you put a little bit of chicken, the chicken with the teriyaki.

SPEAKER_06 25:10

Oh yeah. Oh yeah, their teriyaki chicken is so good. Haven't been there in so long.

SPEAKER_03 25:18

I haven't heard good things, but I think we need to make a little visit.

SPEAKER_06 25:23

We'll be the judge of that.

SPEAKER_03 25:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 25:25

Never had a bad meal there. I have. Did you? Oh, that's unfortunate.

SPEAKER_03 25:31

I would I've had a bad pizza there.

SPEAKER_06 25:34

Okay. I feel like pizza's like because for me personally, if it's too crispy.

SPEAKER_03 25:42

If it's too burnt, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 25:43

Yeah, I can't know. I need it like doughy still.

SPEAKER_03 25:46

I need a little bit of slight crunch. Slight crunch on the crust, slightly golden on the outside.

SPEAKER_06 25:53

Yeah. Still kind of doughy on the inside. For me. Yeah. I know that's not everyone's kind of.

SPEAKER_03 25:59

I don't love that like because they do wood fired pizza, but it's like charred.

SPEAKER_06 26:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:06

So I've never had a good experience with their pizza. Their apps are their like other items on their menu. Great.

SPEAKER_06 26:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:15

No qualms.

SPEAKER_06 26:16

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 26:16

The pizza.

unknown 26:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 26:19

That's where all the cool kids go. Brad and Chad.

SPEAKER_03 26:22

The Brads and the Chads really love hitting Emba up, but love it.

SPEAKER_06 26:26

They love a patio.

SPEAKER_03 26:27

They love a patio with a cockpit.

SPEAKER_06 26:32

And a fucking birthday spritza.

SPEAKER_03 26:35

They love an Aperol spritz, a fire pit, and a patio.

SPEAKER_06 26:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:42

So anyway, one more thing I wanted to add about my day, and then I'll then I'll just leave it there because honestly, why put y'all through the misery? Because they're doing it to us. No, you are right.

SPEAKER_06 26:55

When aren't I? Name a time. Name a place. Set the scene for me. You can't. You can't. Caller number 90. You're welcome. That's gonna be the title.

SPEAKER_03 27:14

And it's gonna be clipped.

SPEAKER_06 27:16

Yep. That's a bit.

SPEAKER_03 27:18

Congrats! You're caller number 90. Yep. Um that's what it is. I had um an older woman fall right in front of me today that was jarring. Let me tell you how it went down. So this woman arrives. I know that at like off the top of my head when I first saw her, like I she was dropped off at the curb, and I remembered seeing her at her last appointment. I was like, oh, somebody told me that there's something going on there, a medical situation.

SPEAKER_06 27:53

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 27:54

But I couldn't remember. I was like, oh, she she's walking fine, everything's good. Comes in, she checks in. I'm like, good to see you, have a seat. Um, she'll be right with you. She does her appointment, she comes up to the desk, and her provider walks her up to the desk and says, um you bored?

SPEAKER_06 28:21

No. Don't don't don't.

SPEAKER_03 28:25

No, you don't.

SPEAKER_06 28:26

I was listening.

SPEAKER_03 28:27

Right.

SPEAKER_06 28:29

Comes up to the desk checking in for her provider.

SPEAKER_03 28:33

A provider. I multiply task, okay. To ch to, you know, to be like, this is so and so, and we did so and so. Yeah. Great. I go to cash her out, I tell her the price. This woman is just standing behind my computer and looks like this. Like is like looking up to the corner, and I'm like, she saw the light. Yeah, I was like, oh my god. I was like, um, 65. Um, so I'm looking at her like, are you gonna hand me a form of payment? Are you waiting for someone? And as that thought hit my head, in comes husband or somebody, son, I don't know, um, comes walking in, looks looks at her, and is like, did you pay yet? And she goes, No. And he I didn't know that she had a card in her hand. He rips the card out of her hand and like throw like no doesn't throw it at me.

SPEAKER_06 29:43

We know how you love that.

SPEAKER_03 29:44

Oh, if he had especially, especially after what comes next. He like whips the card like toward me, and I take it from him, and I'm about to like tap the card. Next thing you know, in my peripheral, I see down she goes, hits her fucking head. Oh, where'd she on like the ledge?

SPEAKER_06 30:13

On the desk?

SPEAKER_03 30:14

No. On the ledge of um, you know, behind the chairs, the waiting chairs, like the ledge of the window.

SPEAKER_06 30:22

Yes, she had her head on that.

SPEAKER_03 30:24

Yeah. Yep.

SPEAKER_06 30:26

Was her blood?

SPEAKER_03 30:26

No. No, she just poop and then was there like a noise?

SPEAKER_06 30:34

A sound effect?

SPEAKER_03 30:35

It was definitely like you could a thunk? Yeah. Oh and I was like, oh my god. Mind you, boss Jen walks away um to do a wash. I hear Gina or bleep that.

SPEAKER_00 30:52

I hear I hear Gina. Shout out to Gina. Please cut all of that out.

SPEAKER_06 31:02

We're gonna have to do some hard editing on this one.

SPEAKER_00 31:06

Okay, one of the silents.

SPEAKER_03 31:12

Jen, someone fell, like screaming down the thing. And I'm like, okay, let's go.

SPEAKER_05 31:17

Thank God I'm not there.

SPEAKER_03 31:19

Like, oh my god, I step over our little like barricade that we have, and I'm trying to like facilitate something. Is the husband there? Yeah, he's like picking her up, stay stands her up, goes, You okay? And she doesn't say anything.

SPEAKER_06 31:36

Yeah, she doesn't talk much.

SPEAKER_03 31:38

Yeah. And I was like, Do you why don't we have a seat? Like, let's sit down for a minute, like take a take a beat.

SPEAKER_07 31:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:45

He sits her down. I'm like, maybe we get her some water. Somebody goes and grabs her some water. I'm standing there now, like, do it, like, sh is this comped now? Like this has nothing to do with car.

SPEAKER_06 32:01

We didn't do it.

SPEAKER_00 32:02

So I'm like, anyway, so it's gotta be 65. Would you like to do it? Do you want a receipt? No. I was like, did you want to put tip on the car?

SPEAKER_06 32:11

What? 10%. Oh, 10%. I can't. I can't.

SPEAKER_03 32:16

10%. I had to.

SPEAKER_06 32:17

We'll send you the bill for our new window ledge.

SPEAKER_03 32:20

Like, what the fuck? So I'm doing this, and she's she ends up like um. I don't know. She ends up being like, sorry to me. And I was like, oh my god, please don't be sorry. Like this happened. It's okay. Mind you, this man, and as I'm like putting his the card through, he goes, um, huh, I'm usually quicker than that. Man, bling twice.

SPEAKER_06 32:49

Blink twice if you need us to call someone.

SPEAKER_03 32:52

And then when after I'm like, it's okay, please, like, don't be sorry, it happens, he goes, Yeah, it happens all the time. She's got Parkinson's.

SPEAKER_00 33:00

I'm like, so this is not a fucking this is a regular occurrence, and you're just gonna drop her off at the curb by your fucking hair appointment?

SPEAKER_03 33:09

Are you serious? If you are a fall risk, perhaps you need an aid or a family member, or maybe let the business know, hey, fall risk, maybe you want to help her.

SPEAKER_06 33:23

At least a bracelet, a hospital bracelet. We are not a medical facility. We are not a medical facility. Terrible.

SPEAKER_03 33:30

Awful. I was like, really?

SPEAKER_06 33:33

I uh yeah, this kind of reminds me we have a few clients that get dropped off. And shouldn't that should not, they should really be attended to. Yeah. Like have somebody with them. Or have I did not go to school for medical. I literally said this. I'm not a LPN, I'm not a nurse's aide, I'm none of the sorts. I run a business. Okay. I said to Jen, I was like, we are not pull up out of wheelchairs. I'm saying. Tell me how they have an aid and the aide can't lift them. How do you have that job? Or why why is the aide sitting down while I'm doing while I'm lifting them out of the chair, putting them in a shampoo bowl and into a stylish chair. Why?

SPEAKER_03 34:25

Make it make sense.

SPEAKER_06 34:26

And they're not getting tipped for it.

SPEAKER_03 34:27

I literally said to Jen, I was like, we are not CNAs that just happen to know how to do hair. So I don't know why you're dropping them off at like daycare right now. Oh. Like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_06 34:39

Or the shitting themselves.

SPEAKER_01 34:42

Do you remember it?

SPEAKER_06 34:45

Wait, was it you? What? Was it you doing the service? Or no, it wasn't. Who was it?

SPEAKER_03 34:53

Umone that.

SPEAKER_06 34:56

Just give me the first initial.

SPEAKER_03 35:02

I think so.

SPEAKER_04 35:04

Was it?

SPEAKER_03 35:04

I think it was her.

SPEAKER_04 35:08

Okay. We'll have to recap it.

SPEAKER_03 35:10

It was either J or C, it wasn't me.

SPEAKER_04 35:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 35:16

The name doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_03 35:18

It happened.

SPEAKER_06 35:19

It happened. There was a client getting a pedicure. And in the middle of her pedicure. All over herself.

SPEAKER_03 35:32

And wait, so there was a second, there was another one, because I'm thinking. Because there was another incident where somebody was getting a fucking pedicure and they pissed themselves.

SPEAKER_06 35:42

Oh no, okay. So this. Do you know which one I'm talking about?

SPEAKER_03 35:48

I I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_06 35:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 35:50

I think I remember you telling me about it, but I don't think I was even there for that.

SPEAKER_06 35:55

Family member. I feel like we're playing charades. I love it.

SPEAKER_03 36:03

Oh my god, we're playing fucking dictionary. Get the whiteboard!

SPEAKER_06 36:09

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 36:10

Um, yes.

SPEAKER_06 36:11

Okay. Yeah, you know who yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_03 36:14

Still was not me that did the service.

SPEAKER_06 36:16

I didn't think so. Yeah. Because I know you would not.

SPEAKER_03 36:18

Oh, I would not have been well. I would have quit.

SPEAKER_06 36:22

Shout out to and I honestly can't even remember who it was doing this service at the time. We're gonna have to visit that off camera. I know. Um wish we could go back already.

SPEAKER_03 36:35

Sorry, can we promise to God we're gonna have to go in and bleep some shit?

SPEAKER_06 36:40

I feel bad. Oh no ID.

SPEAKER_03 36:44

We should just dub that over.

SPEAKER_06 36:46

Honestly, everyone's gonna fucking hate me. If you listen to this with AirPods, my apologies.

SPEAKER_03 36:54

If you listen to this with AirPods, take them out.

SPEAKER_06 36:56

Yeah. Take them out, turn it down, I apologize. If you have hearing aids, God bless.

SPEAKER_03 37:04

Um babe, you'd be surprised.

SPEAKER_06 37:09

Okay. You'd be surprised. Because I mean, some of the people that have reached out to say that they listen, I'm like, wow. Fucking, we're really we're grabbing attention. We're grabbing attention. I love the points. We're hitting it, babe. So this person doing the service um smelt the situation and continued to fulfill the service, complete a whole pedicure. Okay person gets out of the chair all over the chair.

SPEAKER_03 37:47

I have a feeling I know who it was. And like I know who did the service.

SPEAKER_06 37:53

Okay. I think I can't remember. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 38:00

You have to always do her services. Like hair and nails.

SPEAKER_06 38:12

No. No, no. I don't know what you're talking about, but no. Just started kind of training.

SPEAKER_04 38:33

Oh. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 38:36

It's now back in the game.

SPEAKER_03 38:37

Yeah. Okay. Was the one that smelled it?

SPEAKER_06 38:43

Yeah. Okay. And continued. Okay. Which sense because she is an angel. She oh my god, she is an angel. She's an angel. She's an angel pie. Yeah. We don't deserve her.

SPEAKER_07 38:53

No. And she didn't deliver.

SPEAKER_06 38:57

Did not deserve that.

SPEAKER_07 38:59

She did not deserve that.

SPEAKER_06 39:01

She did not deserve that. But people, you know, this brings me to a little bit of a segue. People are foul, okay? Because this kind of I want to touch on two things because the fall, the shitting of it all brings me back to a time when I worked for Macy's and Bloomingdales, okay?

SPEAKER_03 39:24

Really going deep in the archives. Deep in the archives.

SPEAKER_06 39:27

We'll attach some photos because those were also sent to me today, too, from my dear friend Ariana. Shout out to you, babe. Love you. Sent me some photos from the archives.

SPEAKER_03 39:42

Really a blast from the collective.

SPEAKER_06 39:44

And all I have to say is fuck anyone that was in my friend circle that did not tell me I was fat. You were not a friend.

SPEAKER_07 39:55

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_06 39:56

Because one of the photos she sent me, I literally showed Shannon and I go, where's my neck? I have no neck.

SPEAKER_03 40:03

It straight up just doesn't look like you.

SPEAKER_06 40:05

It's it's something mind-blowing. But back at Mises when I worked there, two of the brands that I worked for were right near the escalator.

SPEAKER_03 40:18

Oh, I remember one of the stories you told me.

SPEAKER_06 40:24

I'm hearing one incident right now replaying in my head.

SPEAKER_03 40:29

That's the one I'm thinking of, too.

SPEAKER_06 40:34

This woman went up the escalator on a scooter, which What the fuck are we doing? She got halfway up on the scooter and it What are we doing? Oh ghetto teetered straight back. Oh, I wish I had um um wooden bat right now because this is not even gonna come close to the sound, but just think of like, you know, when you hear a baseball like crack home run.

SPEAKER_00 41:16

No.

SPEAKER_06 41:17

Her skull fucking cranked the escalator so hard, it was a shockwave through the store. It went to the music from Mac paused because of this, okay? We all screaming, running towards the escalator, pulling the panic button to shut it off. Like, we're running up the escalator, get up the escalator. I'm like covered in this woman's blood. Like I can't tell you how many times an accident, but that one in particular, that sound.

SPEAKER_03 41:56

Why are we going up an escalator on a fucking scooter? You fucking oh my god.

SPEAKER_06 42:02

And then the best part is she tried to sue Macy's. I had to You can't make that shit. I had to like testify, or I had to give a statement, like Macy's like fucking lawyers, like headquarters calls me and they're like, hi, you're on a recorded line. We need you to give a full statement as to everything that you witnessed, and so I had to like, gosh, she zoomed by on a fucking scooter after we had told her an escalator. I mean, the elevator was in the back, and she totally disregarded us and zoomed right up. She ran at it, common.

SPEAKER_00 42:39

Like, but also why are you on an fucking scooter in the middle of the mall? Why are you weaving through all the fucking kiosks like Macy's?

SPEAKER_06 42:48

Not like a razor scooter. She was like decrepit? Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 42:54

Oh my god. She doesn't want to be a good one.

SPEAKER_00 42:57

She was disabled.

SPEAKER_06 42:59

She was on like one of those things that you see in the grocery store where it's like Oh my god! Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:06

Even worse.

SPEAKER_06 43:08

An ankle miner, basically.

SPEAKER_00 43:11

Why are you thinking, first of all, how did that fit the fucking?

SPEAKER_06 43:17

Well, it wasn't like the big stop and shop like dome car. It was like, you know, like the little red one that has like the sweet little fucking came in.

SPEAKER_03 43:28

Yeah. Somebody came into the store that I work at.

SPEAKER_06 43:31

On one of those.

SPEAKER_03 43:32

On one of those the other day.

SPEAKER_06 43:33

It was like one of those little fucking stupid blowover fucking scooters when r like this is really ignorant, but I'm just gonna say it. I doubt you really had any element elements, whatever. You just are fat. But anyways, I'm gonna get canceled.

SPEAKER_00 43:57

We're gonna be bleeping out more than we're We're gonna need to get on.

SPEAKER_06 44:04

I don't think a shit. Anyways. So she fucking zoomed up and she had it coming.

SPEAKER_00 44:12

Why? No. You see, there are stairs that move.

SPEAKER_06 44:17

Another time, like I watched a little girl. We had asked her several times to stop playing on the escalator, like running up one, running around the store, coming down the other one. Like a fucking Yeah, like it's a jungle joke. Like, you know the show, um, what was it, Mash or whatever? The obstacle course. Do you remember that back in the day?

SPEAKER_03 44:39

Like, yeah, like my dad would have watched it.

SPEAKER_06 44:43

Yes, but it's like the obstacle course, and they're it's like supposed to be funny.

SPEAKER_03 44:47

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:48

That was a weird poll, but okay.

SPEAKER_06 44:52

You're rude. You're ignorant. Don't don't do that to me. You're rude. It was funny.

SPEAKER_00 44:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 44:59

Shark. Anyways. This little fucking viage is running up and down the escalator. Well, she had it coming. Because her fucking flip-flop got caught in the base. Yeah. Shredded. Yep. And it almost yanked her foot off.

SPEAKER_07 45:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 45:18

Asked you nicely five times. Or my favorite. Oh, I would like to come to the base and fucking deadlock eyes with them. Where are your parents? And they would get the fuck out of here. Bye. So escalator, head cranked. She had it common. And then the shitting of it all. Please tell me how grown women use a fitting room. Oh no. And shit in the corner of a fitting room.

SPEAKER_03 45:52

Get out of here.

SPEAKER_06 45:53

Deadass. Deadass. Literally dead ass.

SPEAKER_02 46:01

Stop.

SPEAKER_06 46:02

In the fitting room of the bathing suit area, too. You're gross. You're gross.

SPEAKER_03 46:07

She had bad seafood. Like she had bad fried seafood and couldn't make it to the restroom.

SPEAKER_06 46:17

Honey, put the one piece back on. Get the fuck out. Disgusting. That is horrid. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 46:26

Like, what are we doing?

SPEAKER_06 46:27

Foul. Foul. The things I have seen at Macy's. Now I know it's like bottom level. I mean, we weren't Kmart, but it was bottom tier department store. Like when I would go to training seminars, like there would be everyone, Sax. I'm Lord and Taylor. Like, which ha, you're out of business. But the underdog Macy's, we're here to save the day.

SPEAKER_07 46:56

Oh god.

SPEAKER_06 46:57

With a fucking one-day sale that lasts three days, and we're fucking open until one o'clock in the morning, wasting payroll, but what do we know?

SPEAKER_03 47:05

Sax doesn't have a fucking Macy's Day parade.

SPEAKER_06 47:10

This is true. I have walked that.

SPEAKER_03 47:13

Have you?

SPEAKER_06 47:14

I have.

SPEAKER_03 47:14

That's so fun. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 47:15

Part of being an employee, you get you get the option to go.

SPEAKER_03 47:19

I'm gonna walk in it this year.

SPEAKER_06 47:22

Uninvited.

SPEAKER_00 47:25

Uninvited, but I'm gonna fucking do it. I'm just gonna hop in.

SPEAKER_06 47:30

It's gonna be Shannon pumping me up on strings.

SPEAKER_00 47:34

I'm like, deal with the staples. Yeah. I love it.

SPEAKER_06 47:46

I'm obsessed with that. That's a um that's a collab that we need to make happen. Macy's if you're listening.

SPEAKER_03 47:53

Baby girl, Jonathan is still a big fan of your work.

SPEAKER_06 48:00

I mean. You served me right. You couldn't have been too bad. I went back twice.

SPEAKER_03 48:06

So moved across the states for you.

SPEAKER_06 48:10

I did. I moved to Texas FOIA. Turn that business right around for you. You're welcome.

SPEAKER_03 48:19

Love that.

SPEAKER_06 48:21

Um truly iconic.

SPEAKER_03 48:24

So the moral of the story is No, we're not in healthcare.

SPEAKER_06 48:30

I really don't know what the moral of the story or what this episode is.

SPEAKER_03 48:34

It's chaos, and that is what we fucking deal with on a daily day.

SPEAKER_06 48:37

That's what I feel like my life is.

SPEAKER_00 48:39

And I think that's why my fucking cortisol is so high, and that's why I'm fucking moonfaced. Shannon's been having like fucking heart palpitations being like I've had a headache for five days straight.

SPEAKER_03 48:57

I have random body aches that have never experienced.

SPEAKER_06 49:01

I think you're dehydrated. Did you drink water?

SPEAKER_03 49:04

Yes, actually, I drank an entire smart water today.

SPEAKER_06 49:09

A brand new one or the one I gave you yesterday?

SPEAKER_02 49:12

I refilled the one you gave me yesterday.

SPEAKER_06 49:13

Okay, I love that. Oh, don't refill. Don't refill. What is that? What's that chemical? What do they say?

SPEAKER_03 49:21

I'm still here, aren't I, bitch?

SPEAKER_06 49:24

No. Definitely not. Bioplastics, is that what they say?

SPEAKER_03 49:31

Microplastics?

SPEAKER_06 49:32

Micro. Oh, she thinks she's fucking smarter than me.

SPEAKER_03 49:38

Okay. Okay. If you refill it one time, is that gonna really kill me? No. Fucking grew up in the fucking 90s. I was eating fucking polypocket clothes. I mean, I have blown things up my nose. I mean, I'm saying I'm saying I have no room to be one of those people who's like, have um, is this a BPA free? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_06 50:02

Fuck you. If I could go back. Simpler time.

SPEAKER_03 50:06

It's a simpler time. I feel better.

SPEAKER_06 50:14

I feel lighter.

SPEAKER_03 50:15

This is really therapeutic.

SPEAKER_06 50:17

So therapeutic. Um you know. I guess you know that article that I sent you earlier in the week about like if you go to a psych ward to they'll clear your debt or whatever. Yeah. I was looking into it. Like, fuck, let's run up every credit line we have. Yeah. Run it up.

SPEAKER_03 50:40

Already done. We'll just check it. I'm there.

SPEAKER_06 50:46

I'm not, thankfully. For once in my life, thank god.

SPEAKER_03 50:50

That's another reason why my cortisol is so fucking high.

SPEAKER_06 50:52

God bless. But yeah, so I read this article in the beginning of the week that was like, you can check yourself into a psych word and it will clear your debts.

SPEAKER_03 51:04

I'm ready.

SPEAKER_06 51:04

Don't know how true that is, but maybe they're just trying to like entice people to check in.

SPEAKER_03 51:11

To work on their mental health, and honestly.

SPEAKER_06 51:13

Or maybe like to run up the credit and then realize that's not a thing.

SPEAKER_03 51:17

Yeah, maybe.

SPEAKER_06 51:18

Oh, I see you. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 51:20

We're cracking the fucking coder out here.

SPEAKER_06 51:23

I see you, Morgan Stanley. Come on, Capital One. Fucking with us.

SPEAKER_03 51:28

Come on, Amex.

SPEAKER_05 51:29

Oh my god, oh, don't fuck with Amex. Don't fuck with Amex. Do not play with you in the clink clank. They don't fuck around.

SPEAKER_06 51:40

They do not fuck with fuck around.

SPEAKER_03 51:44

I am not, I'm not falling victim to AMX.

SPEAKER_06 51:47

No, I have not. I'm not on. I mean, I have a Amex business card, but that's like not even mine. But I don't fuck with AMX just because of like fees and bitch. Why am I paying you to have the card? You should be paying me. And shout out to Capital One because they've been doing the bad. She's that girly. She's buying everything up. If they want to do some sort of girl. Capital One, if you want to sponsor us, we love you.

SPEAKER_03 52:22

We love you.

SPEAKER_06 52:23

But yeah, no, Capital One's that bitch. Yeah. Points, cashback, um, like rewards for opening a new car. Like, yeah, like a fucking what is it?

SPEAKER_03 52:35

Like the $500 bonus or whatever if you get someone to sign on. $500 bonus if you open like a checking account. Like, please.

SPEAKER_06 52:44

Honey, we love you. She's that bitch. No hidden fees. And they're buying up everyone. They bought out Discover. They're buying up everyone.

SPEAKER_03 52:51

They did. I just realized that the other day. Yes. Because I got my new Capital One card. And I went to put it in my Apple wallet.

SPEAKER_06 52:59

And it was like Discover.

SPEAKER_03 53:00

Yeah. And I was like, okay.

SPEAKER_01 53:02

Come on, Discover.

SPEAKER_06 53:04

I have like 12 cards with Capital One. Love them.

SPEAKER_01 53:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 53:07

You are the real One Queen. Paving the way. We'll be in touch. We'll be in touch. We're also researching our um psychoard. Maybe we'll go. Maybe we won't. Maybe we'll be caller number 90. I don't know. And honestly, thank you. Thank you for listening.

SPEAKER_03 53:28

To the bullshit.

SPEAKER_06 53:29

To the bullshit. Kikiing.

SPEAKER_03 53:32

I hope it stresses you out as much as it stresses us out. All of our stories.

SPEAKER_06 53:37

And if you're working on the frontline.

SPEAKER_03 53:39

God bless you.

SPEAKER_06 53:40

God bless you.

SPEAKER_03 53:41

Honest to God. Especially on Cape Cod. During this time of year, especially.

SPEAKER_06 53:49

And the tourists don't deserve us.

SPEAKER_03 53:51

Mm-mm.

SPEAKER_06 53:51

Over and out.

SPEAKER_01 53:52

Bye.