S1E2 Life's Purpose

In this episode, Mo states that any purpose, whether it is good or bad, is a driver for life and creates livelihood. However a bad purpose ends up to a bad ending.
The final purpose in life, is to have a good life. However smaller milestones/purposes are needed in order to get there.
A strong purpose, good or bad, stops you from feeling the present and is useful when present is not pleasant.
Review your life every few months to see if you are on the right path to get to where you want to go.  
Before going to bed review your day, what made you feel good or bad and why. 
The way you think, decides the way you feel.

Question: What's your life purpose? Are you on the right path to get there,
Send me an email and tell me what your life purpose is.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:06

Welcome to Life Workshop, where we discuss the four-button basics. This is your most favorite uh favorite host, Mohamed Nazari. You can call me Mo, and I have with me the most favorite co-host, of course, Bo Beres. So today's topic is life purpose. Generally, this is what I wanted to say that you know the purpose in life, you know, is doesn't matter what the purpose is, even a bad purpose gives you the drive. If there is no purpose, you know, you wake up in the morning for what? So normally that driver is the purpose that we have. However, is it a life purpose or is it a temporary purpose? For example, if I'm hungry and I don't have money, my purpose is that in the morning to wake up and go make some money. Right. It gives me a drive. But uh the big picture, in the big picture, often I think we don't think about it that what's the main reason? Why am I living and where do I want to be? And actually I have this question for you. What is your life purpose, Bo?

SPEAKER_00 1:26

Ah well, I thought about that a lot, like I've thought about it a lot. Like I think everybody must. Um, and it seems to always change. You know, like some sometimes I think it's just to experience things, and then sometimes I think maybe it's to create things or something or or to learn different things. Um and then sometimes, you know, like a lot of the time actually, you know, my thoughts, say for myself and maybe for other people, they it tends to go into more of a of a nihilistic view viewpoint where it's like, wow no, so what's the point? Um and and that's something that it's uh it can be a struggle at some point, you know.

SPEAKER_02 2:09

I think we all grew to that, uh grew um go through that stage. I have been there too. Yeah. So I can hear what you're saying.

SPEAKER_00 2:16

Yeah. And a lot of the time, like some things, you know, like going into your into your work or something can give like for for myself anyways, it gives me purpose. It always has. It's been something that I kind of go to.

SPEAKER_02 2:28

I should tell you this, you know, when I was in Iran, because um uh in Iran that we had the war between Iran and Iraq, so a lot of young people unfortunately got killed. And then uh the way that I would go to university, uh they would they would have the funerals, you know, at a certain day of the week, and then they would shut down the street, so my only option was I couldn't cab it, so I had to walk the distance. And then I would see a lot of coffins, unfortunately, on the side of the street. And that was one of the things that really bring brought me down because I thought that, oh my god, you can die just with one bullet. Yeah, the life becomes so worthless. Why am I going to university? Why am I doing these things? So I went through that. That you know, that um it really as it brought me down during that time because I couldn't understand that yeah, if you're gonna be just gone with one bullet or you know, one accident, why am I going through all these things?

SPEAKER_00 3:27

Right.

SPEAKER_02 3:28

But then um as the time went on, I realized, you know what, that was uh really a short, bad uh stage of life that I was in, and real life is not that right. Um but anyway, when it comes to the why uh you know life purpose, um the way I see it, you know, sometimes again I said that based on the culture or religion is kind of intertwined for some of us. So um some on the extreme end, when they are too religious, um they are thinking they are not really thinking about the life, they do anything for the afterlife, right? That they want to please the God that they believe in so that they don't get into trouble on the other side. They want to go to heaven, not to the other place.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

But then they're not living, they're not living for now. That is correct. You're not you're not are you really fully here? You're you're missing out almost.

SPEAKER_02 4:23

Uh that is correct. That is correct. They are just so driven to, as I said, please the the purpose on the other side that they are just anything that they do is for that. I mean, just I I don't like to bring this up, but for example, um, let's say Osama bin Laden and you know the people that they did what they did, you know, they had a big drive. They were not depressed, they were not they didn't have anxiety, I doubt that. You know, they were just so driven for what they wanted to do that um they never thought about anything, and they thought that they were going to the other side and they are gonna go to heaven. And by the way, in their heaven, they won't get 72 virgins. How many do you get if you go to heaven in Catholic? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 5:09

It could be infinite. I don't think you can beat the Muslims once heaven, buddy.

SPEAKER_02 5:18

Well, I haven't even got one in this side, so no, let's see what happens on the other side if there is the other side.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

Well, but going in that vein, um, too, like uh when when we talk about life purpose, a lot of the time people define I find that people define their life purpose by like having children and and they're they're kids and that. And when you talk about like when I talk about about my own personal um purpose and everything, and children just hasn't been a thing that that has happened and it probably won't happen um for various reasons, and it leads me down that nihilistic path. And is that part of say culture that tells you that you have to have kids and that family, family, family? Um you know, but then but then Lego Lego Batman comes along and says that friends are family, so I don't know. Lego family.

SPEAKER_02 6:15

Yeah, you know, as a map, you brought a very good uh point here then that you know um the life purpose is not one or two, and often actually we have been told kind of in the culture or because of the life that it was in the past. We had children because that they were our you know retirement plan, the children to take care of us, but of course, as the society is changing, I don't need a retirement plan, I need our RSP. I don't need children, the children are more of a liability than the asset, you know. So the society is changing, and because of that, sometimes you are kind of too late to adapt to that thing. But this is a very good point that you know, even for example, if you talk to most of the immigrants that you know, why do you come to Canada or for example you immigrate to some first world countries? Often that because of my children, you know, yeah. They really uh think that that is the case, and then they think they have to have children because that is how life works. Which we are going to discuss this in another you know episode about you really need to have children. But the point is that that creates a life purpose for them. Um but again, it can be life purpose, it can be a lot of other things. It's just that you should find what is the one that gets your heart pumping. And sometimes it's not as easy, I should tell you that. And they will go through a kind of a quick story of my own that you know, the ups and downs and the good and bad that you know I have gone through. But the life purpose really, I would say, is something that for myself it took me a long time before I understand it. Now, if I want to just go quickly, you know, say this. Uh as I had said in the previous episode too, I was born and raised in Iran, and we had a very good country during the Shast time. Um and then after the revolution, things went really the side way. We became poor and um we lost our freedom to a very good extent, and yeah, things were not looking good. So, because of that person, I lost all my hope, and really I had no hope. And that was why you know I became, as I said, even suicidal. It was I was not suffering from depression that I know of, but you know, it was just I became that what is the value of this life, you know, and then where am I going? But I missed the fact that it is just a part of life. And look at me now here, that I really enjoy my life. I really do. Had I known what I know now, if I know I'm gonna get to this point, I would never ever go through that episode that I did when I was 18, 19, 20. Yeah, but you have to go through that episode to get to where you are. And not the feeling wise. If I had hope, I would not go through that. This is where I'm going. I didn't have hope, I couldn't see the future. So if some people are listening to this and, for example, they see that their life is not going the way that it does, you know what, buddy? It happens to everybody. This is a very normal thing.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:18

But in the long run, we can build other lives. And actually, life is much better, honestly that I can say, than you think. But we are gonna have some bumpy roads, for sure. And now by changing the view and looking at it differently, you see, those bumps actually become the excitement in life. We will go through that in another episode. But you need you need the uh, I would say, I mean, this has worked for me, that you need that that purpose, that where you're going. But I said yeah, during when I was younger, I lost that. No, I I I really lost the hope. And because I didn't have hope, so I didn't have any purpose too. You know, that how I'm gonna get to that you know place that I want to be. And because of that, it uh things were not that good. But as soon as I left Iran, things started to change, and then it's that okay, um now life is better. I I have hope, I can uh make the life that I want. And now I started thinking, I said, differently. Now I had purpose. My purpose is, of course, at the beginning, uh in the short run, for example, was those short episodes. For example, one was I want to get the hell out of Iran. Then when I went to Dubai, I wanted to immigrate to a country that I can establish myself. Because in Dubai, that's not how it worked at that time.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 10:42

You were an immigrant, you were living on a visa the whole time and I didn't like that. So then when I could come to Canada, it was the biggest change. Now I know I'm here. So now my purpose changed. That at that time it changed that I want to establish myself. And these things they gave me the drive that I had. And then that drive basically makes life a little bit more lively, I should say that. So when you run into some people that are more lively, often I would say because they have a purpose, you know. And if you're not as lively, one of the things that you can do, I would suggest, I think that is how it works, if you have a purpose that you wake up in the morning, I want to do this. So that gives you that livelihood and picks you up, right? Otherwise, life becomes too blah. So sometimes when you look at some other people that they are wealthy and they have it all and things see that they have a good life. I'm not too sure. And very quickly, I'm gonna say that I have a friend who inherited I would say I think about 30 million. Uh and then after that, you think maybe you should be very happy. To be honest, I do not wish his life for a moment. And the reason is the guy is a pretty good looking guy, has a family, you know, has everything that on the book you can just put check, check, check. Okay. But really, he wakes up in the morning and does what? You know, and he doesn't have that self-know. He has to find that for himself though. That is correct. That is correct. But in his case, that to the best of my knowledge, he hasn't. So sometimes when we wish that we want to have this, you want to really think twice about that. That's how much of it, again, we will discuss it a bit more in some another episode about the happiness that would be the happiness part.

SPEAKER_00 12:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 12:33

But in the purpose part, you know, he has no purpose now. Why should I wake up in the morning? I have everything that I need. So sometimes when we wish that, we want to be a little bit careful. And if you do have everything, good on you, then you need another thing. And because of that, you know, for example, for myself, I think I have most of the stuff that I want in my life. Okay. But I in my life now I have focused on this podcasting that I really anyway. I'll I'll I'll maybe I'm jumping a little bit ahead. So when I came to Canada, as I said, my purpose was now I'm gonna establish myself. So I started working.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

So, but you when you're saying so these purposes, there are all these per these things, they're they're constantly changing. All of these things to whatever the situation that you're in, right? So is there a there's a series of small things, but then is there one overlapping, like overshadowing main purpose? You're leading me to the thing.

SPEAKER_02 13:36

I'm sorry. No, that is very true. At the end of the day, at the end of the day, yes, we want to be happy, I think. We want to have good lives. Yeah, I don't think anybody, I don't think anybody is there to say that you know what, I'm working hard to have a miserable life. I'm gonna do this to make my life more miserable. Not consciously, correct. Everybody wants to have a good life, right? But how do we get there? And can we get there? That becomes the thing. Now, for myself, as I said, for example, at the beginning, the purpose was I'm gonna establish myself. So I had to improve my English, and as you can see, it's perfect now. Yes, you've got some accent, I don't just so that was one, and then I wanted to work as a physiotherapist that I'm here, so I passed the exams and this thing which I was you know lucky, and anyway, and then after that I started working, but I was never a good employee, so I was just let go a few times. So I had no choice but to start my own practice. So then I had to put focus on that, and then I started my practice. I realized that I don't know how the business runs. Right. So I made tons of mistakes, but they were my small purposes, goals that I had to wake up in the morning and you know, work towards. Right. And then and that gave me, I would say, that drive and livelihood that I had the energy every day to wake up and want to do something. And it was more oriented towards me, because at that time I'm trying to establish myself. I want to take care of me. Right. And then so I did that. And then after my business, of course, for me, as you can see, I'm not talking about the family part because personally I went through some divorce and thing, and it was not really that type to begin with. Uh, that's another story. So when you say about the family and having children and those things, uh you know, really we have we can have different purposes. That's not that's not it. That is one of them, you know, to have a family and you know, do your life that way. Um, so after that was when I started my um business, then at one point, um, I think I have told you that I came up with an idea. I'm not gonna say it because I'm just kind of embarrassed at the big screw up that I did. Yeah, I started something that I wanted to do online, you know, when Facebook was starting around 2005 and 2006, and I got some ideas that if I would come up with an idea, the idea was great, the performance sucked. And I worked on it over six years, and oh my god, shall I say this? I spent more than $850,000. Wow. Yes, and then uh on it, it's needless to say how much of my own personal time went there, and at the end it didn't work. Uh, I'm not really regretting anything. I normally don't sit and cry about the past, right? But they try to learn and move on. Right. So, and I remember during that time, now about the purpose that you are talking, it was a three-month window that I became really busy, really, really busy. And I was so focused on this uh um thing that I was doing. Anyways, I I remember once this um lady that I was dating, she knew exactly where I'm gonna be because I was such a routine thing. I would go to this coffee shop and you know, I would uh uh I would and they knew what I want. I would go, I would start with a tea, and then they knew that you know, after that I want my salad, and then after that they would bring me a steam uh milk. You know, that was a routine thing, they knew it, and I would sit there for hours and I would work on this thing. And then I remember that this lady that I was dating at the time, uh, she showed up there because you know where I am. And then she talked to me for a moment, for a moment, I realized, oh my god, it several months has passed and I'm not even remembering what we have done. I haven't spent that much time with her. I haven't done anything. It really hit me. It was just as she was talking, I could not, I mean, I could hear, but I could not listen. And then I realized, oh my god, what happened these three months? And I realized really that I have gone with this purpose, now I have gone too far. So this is the moral of the story. And the interesting part, it was shortly after I think that the movie click came out. I don't know if you have seen that. No, but I know what it is. Yeah. The movie click basically was it is Adam Sandler that uh um basically it is in his life, and you know, he's very focused that he wants to, you know, um uh go up the ladder, but in the business that he's at, and then it it happens that he finds this remote control that he can fast forward life. Okay, and or he can put it on pause or slow it down. He could do anything, but he went more the fast-forward because he wanted to get into the future, right? More than the present. And he did that very quickly, and then he got old fast, but he got to where he wanted to get, and he realized that how much he has missed. So sometimes when your purpose is too big too and too consuming, sometimes can go against you.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

Yeah, so that's you're just simply talking about um it can be the you put the journey before the destination some sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 19:21

Yes, yes. And the reason I bring this up, and I understand sometimes, for example, it happens in life that really we have to be focusing on our goal and the purpose that we have, and we may miss out on the you know good part. Sometimes we have to do that. But just to be aware that we are doing it consciously and not to get you know driven by the situation. That's all I'm trying to say. And for myself, I realize I have gone too far during that time. So since as soon as I realized that, I started to, you know, working on the fact to slow down, and I just slowed down and started to smell the roses, you know, and stay in the moment. Right. And as a general rule, sometimes I ask people this question, you know, and you know, if if if you could, would you like to repeat the past five years of your life? If and you couldn't change anything.

SPEAKER_00 20:13

I can't change anything.

SPEAKER_02 20:14

You can't change anything. You have to. No, you cannot. Oh, I can't. Oh, you cannot.

SPEAKER_00 20:19

Oh, that's boring. I did that already.

SPEAKER_02 20:20

Okay. Um now, can you would you like your life to escape five years from now? No. Because probably five years from now, if I ask you again the same question, you don't want to come back. No. So you don't want to go back, you don't want to go to future. That is almost a good place to be, I should say. You're living the moment. Right. But if the answer is I want to live go to future, maybe your purposes are a little bit too much. Maybe. Of course, can be other reasons too. Can be other reasons too, but you know, that is one way of a kind of testing, I would say.

SPEAKER_00 21:00

I think that going into the future would be a lot more tempting if things were going poorly in your life now. Then you'd want. Well, that's that's the whole move, that's what that movie is about, then, isn't it? Kind of you were just saying. Actually, you know what? That is very good.

SPEAKER_02 21:15

And at times, as long as yes, yeah, you you said it, you you nailed it there actually. Sometimes when life is not good, if something bad is going on, maybe you want to have a stronger purpose to wake up and live, to go fast, fast forward things. That you're not thinking about the present. And that is cool because if the present is not good, and there are no roses to smell, then let it just go. Then you want to think about future. But if life is good, you wanna slow down and smell the roses, right? Otherwise, you're missing out. And as I said, you know, sometimes we cannot control all these um things change. But to have a general understanding, and then if you have this general understanding, you can kind of control your life better. That sometimes you want to fast forward it, sometimes you want to slow it down, sometimes for fast-forwarding, you want a stronger purpose than focusing on something. Right. When you want to slow down, maybe you don't want to have that strong of a purpose. You need something to wake up in the morning, but what that thing is. So you can be a little bit more asset in control of what's going on. So during that time, when, as I said, that I was doing that website and I was really focused too much on the thing, I missed out. And then afterwards I slowed down. And this is the interesting part. A few years after, I wanted to basically I had my own practice of physiotherapy, and I wanted to buy a building that basically I don't have to pay rent, and that would become my kind of retirement plan. And I got lucky that I did find that building, and we are there right now. And this is in 2012.

SPEAKER_00 23:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 23:13

Where in Regina, in here, that uh we had a boom to find a place was not easy. It was I got lucky I found the right place, right size, and right money, which was almost close to impossible to find. Yeah. So I remember that time, yeah. Yeah. And I got really lucky on that one, and I'm very appreciative of it to this day. And by the way, appreciation is one of the main reasons for happiness. Just on the side.

SPEAKER_00 23:45

Okay. That's for a future show, right?

SPEAKER_02 23:48

Future show. I'm just giving it away. So when I slept, and this is what you think that you know, I got the building, I got very excited, I was really, really happy. We did the everything that we had to do for the renovation, and we moved in. And you think now life should be very good. Believe it or not, believe it or not, that was one of my lowest points since the teenager age that I was suicidal. That was bad. But believe it or not, that was the time that I felt the lowest. That and I honestly didn't know what's going on. And believe it or not, I brought it up with uh with multiple friends of mine. We went for walks and talks, and that I said, and it was very genuine about my feelings that you know what, I'm to be honest, I'm not feeling that good. And I have everything that I need. I have because my business was very important to me. Right. It was the top thing, and anything else really, I had I had my health, I had my, you know, and now I'm secured because I knew by having that, by having my business. To be honest, life was good. My financial stability was, and then it took me 10 months before I realized, and that was the problem. I had everything that I wanted, I had no reason to for the drive. Right. Okay. I I that but it took me about 10 months. So hopefully it doesn't take you that long. Yeah. And then I realized I need a purpose. And then that was the time that started to think, what do I want to do with my life? So when we said, yeah, during different episodes in life, during periods, you know, we just go through different stages and we have different purposes. But, and all of us, the purpose really, I think we want to have a good life for anybody and everybody. But because we have different walks of life, we are in different walks of life. So to get to where we want to be happy and happier, then it takes, we may take different, you know, steps to get there. But it's a very good idea to review our life, you know, to to get there. So then afterwards I realized that, you know what, really, I I need something more. And then um, for example, I I uh I'm more into fitness and you know, exercise and things. I had the opportunity even to do another business that was more into fitness, which I really uh believe in and I really love it. But I turned that down. I was other things that they happened, but one of the reasons because I would really sit and think, you know, what direction do I want to go? Am I getting there? So I turned down some opportunities. And I'm glad that I did that because really what I wanted to do, it took me again um years to get to understand exactly what I want to do. So if you think you're gonna find out your life purpose and you know exactly what to do, I think it will take a long time. And you're gonna screw up like I did, most likely. If you can nail it, to be honest, good on you. Right. Buy a lottery ticket too, you know, while you're at it. Yeah, you might hit the jackpot.

SPEAKER_00 27:08

Um even when we talk about as you're talking about that, you know, I I kind of r reflect on things that have that have happened. I mean, you talk about you know, like how we talk about small purposes and then with an overlying purpose on top of it and how things are constantly changing. Um, you know, and I I just think about I I mean I'm listening to you, but I'm also reflecting upon like my own life and what's happened, and especially when um when the COVID whole thing happened and everything got shut down and I was laid off and you know, I didn't get and a hell a lot of people got upset and despair. I there was a big attitude of despair, you know, going around. And I didn't feel that way. I was I was kind of happy, I was relieved almost, you know, because things weren't going like work is always fine, you know? Like I'm I'm I'm good at it and you know it's what you do. But I was almost like relieved because now I have a chance to try something else, you know? Maybe you do, maybe you don't know. I don't when I say you know, maybe you don't, but um, you know, I I I went to different I tried different things, you know. I would go and I would build something, and the government was paying you like you know a little bit of money, and my lifestyle isn't you know high maintenance, so I it wasn't a problem. And then people kept asking me to do more work, like plumbing work, right? Which which is good. I I enjoy it. And then so and it gradually started into my own having my own company, and my boss, my old boss, was really encouraging about it.

SPEAKER_02 28:46

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_00 28:47

Um, and then this is where I am now, right? Running my own company, only for a little while, you know, but it's been really good, and it's given me that purpose and drive, like you say, to get up in the morning and to do things because it's something different.

SPEAKER_02 29:01

Actually, this COVID thing that hit, I think it gave an opportunity to a lot of people to kind of re-evaluate life.

SPEAKER_00 29:07

Yes, definitely.

SPEAKER_02 29:08

Yeah, but and remember, normally I say this there is good in any bad, and there is bad in any good. Right. You just have to find it. Correct. So even, for example, when COVID hit some people, they would get stressed about it. Myself, I was thinking, hmm, what is good in this bad situation?

SPEAKER_00 29:25

Right. That's how I was kind of too. I'm like, how can I look okay, this is yes, because there's always something that you can do. So how am I gonna turn this into something good for me?

SPEAKER_02 29:36

Yeah, because you cannot control the situation. No, you cannot control COVID. No. Then so, or what happens with that, or what the government or you know, the whole world is gonna be reacting, then let's see how you can take advantage of the situation, you know, in in your benefit or you know, the benefit of the mass.

SPEAKER_00 29:53

Yeah, and that in itself gave me draw. That in itself was a purpose. A short, a little one purpose. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 29:59

You know, again to reach, but remember this. As I said, I I really believe that everybody's purpose in life, the main one, the life purpose is to have a good life, to be happy.

SPEAKER_00 30:10

So that's the overarching. That's I've been meaning to try and get to that. Like, what's the overarching?

SPEAKER_02 30:15

We are just taking these stepping stones in different stages of our life to get there, right? But if we miss that big purpose, because sometimes it happens, we get focused on one thing. For example, let's say if I could have made the same mistake that make a business now. Well, I needed a business because I would be fired over and over. I needed something. So so I did that. Now, if I had not reviewed my life, maybe I would have thought about I want to make my business bigger and bigger and bigger. And you know, that is cool. If somebody is interested in that, good on them. Go ahead and do it. But it really, if you make a conscious decision, that is what you want to do, and that is the best that you know makes your life the best. For me, it didn't. I wanted so much money, I have it. Right. And I'm very comfortable where I am. I still again I still work because I love to work. Yeah. That is my main purpose because I want to work. And but then I started to reevaluate again what is the next thing that gives me the best, you know, feeling that I want to wake up. There are other things too. As I said, I could have had other businesses that I really was interested, let's say the the um um the that um exercise thing, you know, training. I could have done that, but but I decided to I turned it down because I had better choices. And it took me really some time before I kind of completely nailed it. Which I said that has been, and that has been it. What's it my really purpose has been to do something like this podcast, and the podcast that I'm talking about is just a platform that I'm doing. So in future, we will see if it turns out to something else. I will do it differently, if it can do better than this, you know. But so basically, you want to review life. This is where I'm going. But I said the most lower part in my down part of my life after that age 20 was when I bought this building, which I had everything. And then, yeah, as I said, you know, so I started thinking about that and discussing it, and I did realize that, you know, I need a purpose. And they took me a long time before I realized that where I want to go. So I started writing blogs in order to practice to where I want to get, and I'm terrible at writing. And then I started uh um um uh doing some YouTube videos that again they are okay, you know, but they are they are online. Is that when is that when you started your because you did the TV show? That's correct. They became the stepping stone to get me to my TV show. Okay, and then after the TV show, I got invited to do a TED talk. So it are just stepping stones that they built on top of each other. Right. And then after the TED talk, obviously, you know, I thought I want to do this. Of course, I had a few things in the middle that I wanted to take care of. For example, for me, I thought I'm gonna take care of my health a bit better and my exercise routine. So in 2015, I joined this running group that I run with on a regular basis. Then uh after that, that was the house that I have right now. I wanted a certain house with certain that it has two basements that I have other people living with me while they have their independence. So um, you know, I did that, and actually that is how I know Bo. In case people they don't know how I know, I know Bo. That's why he did the plumbing for my house, and I actually you know honestly he did a pretty good job, and more than anything, the experience was fun. Yes, well, it was something, yeah. I know I drove him nuts, I never forget that floor dream. Yes, but so that and even at that time, I don't know if you remember, but no lots of time because I would now I was building the house, but I was very focused on the house, and then sometimes people they said that no, you're gonna get bored after this is done.

SPEAKER_00 34:14

Yeah, I remember saying that a couple times.

SPEAKER_02 34:15

Yeah, yeah. And they said, no, no, no, no, I will have another purpose because the other purpose was to do what I'm doing right now, the podcasting. And again, after the house was done, I slowed down a little bit, as you know. Yeah, and then to get some of the things, you know, I was a bit tired. But then after that, I started working now on the podcast, which we are doing as as we see. So the idea where I'm going with these things, you know, if we we uh we just look at the big picture. One thing I should say, when I was a child, you know, uh about maybe six, seven or something, my dad um uh told me this that he said it's a religious thing, and because I was born in a religious family, and I don't want didn't want to be on the bad side, you know, with the God. So um, and I think that is why he said it's religious. I don't know if it is. That he said, when you go to bed, think about a few things. What made you feel better? What made you feel worse, and why? Sorry, and and and what did you learn? That is what he said. So as life went on, I expanded on that question and I really practiced it. That so anytime I went to bed, I was thinking, hmm, what happened today? What made me feel better? And then I would try to understand why. I added a why to it, and then because if I know why I felt good, then I can repeat it.

SPEAKER_00 35:39

Right.

SPEAKER_02 35:40

Then I what made me feel worse again. Why? Was it the situation? Was it the other party, or was it me? Because a lot of time, then we say, you made me mad, you make me angry or something. Most of the time, I'm not saying all the time, but most of the time it's just the choice that we make. If we think differently, we don't get mad. Right. And at the end of the day, I wanna enjoy life. And somehow I should be able to think differently so I don't get frustrated or mad or angry with somebody. Right. So not because we all do things differently. Yeah. And normally I say this is my saying, I say be careful how you think, because that will decide how you feel. I'm gonna repeat it. Be careful what you think, because that will decide how you think, uh how you feel. Yes. So sometimes people said you cannot control your feelings. I would say I disagree, you can. If you start thinking differently, you you can. Uh I have written a blog, we will again, it is another topic or another you know episode, that you don't have to tolerate people if you understand them.

SPEAKER_00 36:58

I think that's uh that brings a lot of thoughts up, and I think that should be a separate thing because now my my thoughts are all over. You know, because that's that's big. That's that that that's a bigger thing. You just made that that statement. Yeah, but there's but there's lots that goes with that.

SPEAKER_02 37:18

But I normally like to just to poke you a little bit and poke everybody, you know, yeah, so that they get them interested to listen to the next one. Yeah, and we will go a little bit deep inside, you know, all of the subjects, you know, to say. So at the end of the day, again, be careful what you think, because that will decide how you feel. You can be in control of your feelings, that is what I'm saying. And that people they cannot make you mad, you decide to be mad. You may people don't make you frustrated, you become frustrated, you get frustrated. Yes, you know, so there are ways of thinking that if you change that process of thinking, you will see. Uh, I think that uh this is getting to be too long, you know, and I I don't want to, the podcast to get too long, but uh, maybe I should just say it. For example, recently we had uh uh uh a young man that was um was working with one of the staff that we have uh at the office, and then um he came in before Christmas, and then all of a sudden he started yelling and using foul language towards this staff. If it was in the past the immature me, I'm not older by the way, I'm just more mature, just to be clear. If it was the immature me, I would go and say, Did you just say this? You know, I'm gonna kick your ass, I'm gonna throw you out, or something, because legally I had the right to ask to push him away and this thing. And I but now being in the situation that I am now, my first thought, oh my god, what is wrong? Why are you so mad? Because nobody on a right set of thought would express their feelings the way that you just did. And I was more compassionate towards the guy. And believe it or not, it calmed down to some extent in the staff, I would say, because I didn't go in and talk to this uh staff to say, Oh my god, how do you feel? Which is good, you know. Some they go and say, How do you feel? I'm sorry this happened, you know, I'm beat you. That's not how I talked to her. I said, I said, you know what? I feel bad for this guy. I really do, you know. It is around Christmas time, you know, maybe something is going wrong in his life. And uh I'm worried about him. Sometimes, you know, people during this time, you know, they uh things get a bit worse and highlighted in their life. And then so I I believe I put her in the position of power, not not to tolerate this person, but to understand his situation and maybe be more compassionate. Right. I I didn't actually speak with her to see what happened, you know, with the that talk, but I will maybe after this I will go and ask her to see that uh the the the way that I processed it, how did it work on her as somebody who has been a little bit insulted and unfairly? And anyways, and afterwards actually I asked one of my staff that you know, let us uh just send an email to this gentleman and anyway, just see what he has to say. Um again the camera. Oh my god, maybe I should just do something about that. I'm new to this, so the camera is just I'm making a screw up there.

SPEAKER_00 40:29

So but I've seen I've seen that too. Like when I have apprentices, you know, and throughout, I mean any trades person will tell you, you know, apprentices suck. But it's just because they don't know, right? And sometimes you get angry at something, and then you and you you might have a have a split second reaction where you get like mad for a second, but you're not really mad, like you you're you're mad, but then you think well for a minute, and you're like, Well, that poor guy or kid or whoever, well, they just don't know. They they can't read your your mind, and so more like you were saying, it's sometimes you choose to be mad. Yeah, if you have that empathy that you're talking about, that you put yourself in their situation, yeah. But sometimes it's but sometimes it takes a minute because in that split second you're mad right now. You might say something or do something, and you're like, oh, it needs practice.

SPEAKER_02 41:23

Remember, it needs practice like driving. When you drive, if you see something, if you're new to driving, oh, I should put on brake, you think consciously to put on brake, but after you have driven for something and you have repeated that, it becomes you that actually they say you put on break a few a fraction of the second before even you think about it.

SPEAKER_00 41:44

Oh, yeah, that is what they say, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:46

So because it has become so automatic. So when you say about this, again, it's just a matter of practice. Yes, I I'm I'm I'm there. That yet I it takes me, you said a minute, it takes me a few more minutes than that.

SPEAKER_00 41:58

But I'm working on it so that so another thing I wanted I was thinking about while you were talking about this is that when we talk about this life purpose, and then we have the small purposes and then overall purpose of having a good life, but we've say you and I have been talking about it more about things, things and stuff, not so much uh uh into like the relationship realm of things, right? And I've heard and I've heard that that's more of a of a man of a man's thing. So we're we're coming at this. Is there do you think that is a big difference like when you talk about men and women and a man's purpose is more about stuff and things and doing things, and and a woman's purpose is more on the relationship side of things, and then are those things exclusively different when you're we're talking about things and stuff or relationshipy stuff?

SPEAKER_02 42:54

Of course, I'm no expert in that, but my general understanding has been this that often I would say women are emotionally smarter. That that has been me. Maybe I have been comparing them to me.

SPEAKER_00 43:13

That is why. No, I can I can second that, yes. Thanks.

SPEAKER_02 43:18

I take that as a comp compliment.

SPEAKER_00 43:22

No, I mean that that that they seem to be more emotionally mature.

SPEAKER_02 43:26

Okay, yeah. And um, maybe you know, men, yeah, it I guess I'm no no per uh professional in the field, but that has been my personal you know experience that emotionally they are more aware and they do a much better job. And in all honesty, I should say some of the stuff that I have learned, I have learned it from my lady friends. I should maybe admit that. And I have said, I have told them that personally I would have to look at things differently. And now, again, the conversation is going too far, but even in Europe, they say in the jail system, but they do they put some women versus men because it brings that much with. Down and then people they become more emotionally you know aware for the and it works it works that they don't have as many securities. Oh wow, I didn't well wow I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, this is um the this I know for a fact that in Europe in some countries I don't know. I think that Mike Moore had a movie about that. I I I I learned it there. So uh but now that is another day. So I'm gonna go back very quickly that to to kind of put a cap on all these things, you know. Uh uh in life, I think we all, you know, our purpose is most of the time for a good life. Some people that are on the extreme part of the religion and they think about their serving their you know God or the other side, you know, their uh their purpose has come in a printout, which they call it, I don't know, Quran or or Bible or whatever, Torah, or you know, anything else that tells them how you feel what to do. That's another story, you know, that fits some other people to the extreme on this side, for example, they become atheist, uh such as myself, and then we need different purposes. And my purpose is not like just the family, and they're gonna do that. That's not my purpose. And they can, I have a purpose, obviously, and I have a really good life. So, this is the answer for some people that they say that oh, if you don't have family, then what? You know what? You need a purpose. Purpose is not just the two, there are a lot more purposes in the you know that you can have. It doesn't have to be religion, it doesn't have to be family, it can be a lot of other things, okay? But normally they share a common ground, that's another thing, and that the common ground is is for the better of something. You want to not just better you, you want to better others, you want to give more than take. Right? That is just something that they have, but again, we will get there in another episode. So um, but at the at the beginning, now the stepping stones that you want to get there would be, you know, yeah, you have different um smaller milestones to get you to where you want to be. But in order to make sure that you're on the right track and you're not um missing things, I would say to practice this that's what my dad taught me. I really recommend that. That anytime you go to bed to make sure is this thing that I'm doing taking me to where I want to go in a long run. Maybe in a short run is a very good idea, but in a long run, is it? You know, or for example, yes, I want to work, I want to make money, but how much of it do you want? You want to have a family, but how big of a family? You want to have connections, but how much of it? You want to be, you know, fit and do exercise, but how fit and how much exercise? You know, you want those things, but how much of it? Then it goes back to now the thing that a chain is as strong as its weakest thing, but again, you want to see what's your weakest thing, don't strengthen the strong link, right? That doesn't get your chain any stronger. Work on the weakest thing, and you have to review it, and your purpose will keep changing as long as you you're gonna basically you have your eye on the money. That's a bad expression because I not the money, but but basically that you're looking at is it gonna get you to where you want to be, that you want to be really happy and have a better life. So I that is how I see it. So every night you go to bed, you know, if you think that way. Now, I know that this podcast became longer than the previous one, and I really I was not intending to do that, but uh I thought that no, I like to cover the basis completely, you know, in a more understanding way than well, there's a lot to unpack with this, you know.

SPEAKER_00 47:46

It's such a huge, huge thing, and philosophers have been talking about it for years.

SPEAKER_02 47:50

Correct, correct. But actually, I keep going back to this. I normally say that life is simple, we make it complicated, and I really believe in that. It's not as big as we think. You said that, but I'm gonna respectfully disagree. Our life is in a very nutshell, you know is we want to have a good life. In order to have a good life, first you should have a good life for yourself, right? And the people close to you, then after you have that, don't be greedy to make it better and better. Now start to give. That is how it works. Right. The self-actualization that they say. Then uh, but if you keep focusing on you and you and you and your family and people that are close to you, it's gonna wear out. You're not you're gonna be missing quite a bit. Right. That's satisfaction. They actually they say they say if you feel if you don't feel good, go help somebody. Right. That is one of the best way to feel now. And I'm not saying and give from your abundance, the things that that doesn't bring you down. That when you give, you're not you're not expecting something back. Right. Don't give from your weakness. For example, some people that they come and they give you uh compliments very commonly. Oh, you have a nice shirt. Oh, your nice, your shirt is just ugly. I love your hair. Are you serious? I don't even have one, for example. And then they they throw this, you know, nice compliments very loosely, which has no you know, weight to it, no thing. But sometimes sometimes they do that, you know, kind of just they want to give you compliments, but the compliments that are not fake, they are fake. Come on, it just wears out. Okay, but but sometimes sometimes another time is that they give a compliment because they expect a compliment back. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:37

That's that's that's not okay.

SPEAKER_02 49:39

Yeah, because you're giving from your weakness. Yeah, you're not giving from your abundance. And this again, I will talk about this another subject that personally I did that. I made the same mistake that I helped somebody, uh, but I helped not from my abundance. I helped for with expectation. And that caused one of the biggest frustrations ever in my life. I will talk about that maybe in another episode.

SPEAKER_00 50:06

Yeah. Well, that's a that that that's a covert contract. Yeah. Right? It's you expecting something from someone but not letting them know that they're expected, and so that no one really gains anything, and then that other person doesn't even realize that they're supposed to get something back, and it's not their fault.

SPEAKER_02 50:22

That is true. That is true. If it's in a business is a transaction, it's a transaction, you know. Yeah, but if it is not, then you can you can get quite frustrated at one point. Yep, and we all do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have done my share, and and I really learned from it, and that's it. But because of the fact that I had this habit of going to bed thinking about it, you know, I really believe that helped me to realize my mistakes and not to repeat them.

SPEAKER_00 50:47

So is that that that's kind of the same thing as like, well, when people journal, right? You're just not writing it down. Could I?

SPEAKER_02 50:55

What do you think?

SPEAKER_00 50:55

Could I?

SPEAKER_02 50:56

I don't write it down because I don't read it. Yeah. But if you're a reader, I really actually recommend writing things down. But uh, you know, and I force myself sometimes into doing that to to to clear the thoughts and you know, to be put it in words, not to uh kind of imaginary thing. Uh but but yeah, I in those cases, yeah, basically I I laid when I go to bed, and time to time I every so many months I review my life. That am I on the right path? Am I gonna you know do this? So and I go with the flow, don't take me wrong. But if the flow goes the way I want it to go, so mistakes happen, we will get there. You know, I'm not gonna this is already too long, you know.

SPEAKER_00 51:40

Okay, but sorry, I keep asking questions.

SPEAKER_02 51:44

That's the case. Actually, that's the fun part of it, but I'm hoping I'm not boring the audience in here. But again, at the very end, I would like to finish it the way that normally I do. I would say this is I'm hoping this becomes a platform that we can mature a subject. So when the things that I say, again, we are no professionals, we are talking about other life experiences, and just we want to really create um smart, fun, thought-provoking conversation. That's the whole idea. Right. And if you just think about that, that is good. And sometimes people decided, what's the value of this? You don't even bring it up because I had, you know, somebody asked. And they said, they did a study that they had two groups of people. To one group they went and checked them and they didn't say anything. The other one they checked them and then they throw this question at them. Just calculate the number of calories you take. That was it. They didn't say don't take it, they didn't say don't change anything. They just said calculate the number of calories that you take. Just because of that, that group they lost weight over a few months. It's just that's a concept of self-awareness, that's what I'm saying. Does it work out? Okay, okay. Basically, you create the person to think, oh, this thing that I'm eating, there is so much calories. The other part they didn't tell them, and then they realized this part, this group, you know, started to lose weight a lot more.

SPEAKER_00 53:14

So you're telling me that the one group didn't eat pancake sandwiches?

SPEAKER_02 53:18

Yes, they calculated the calories. Okay, don't do that. So, another one said if you um if um you as a listener you want me to talk about something specific, please let me know. And if I know and I think that I have something to say, I would be more than happy to to discuss it. And the best way to get a hold of us is uh um by email, which is info at lifeworkshop.ca. Again, please remember, life is simple, they make it complicated. And do me and yourself a favor after this podcast, please, please and please, you want to talk about this. And when you talk about it, that starts the process, you know, that you can ask yourself and other people what is your life purpose? And the purposes that you have, the things that you do, are they is it getting you there? Or you're just imagining things, and even just starting the conversation and thinking a little bit about that, it will be very helpful. So I hope uh you enjoyed the conversation and love you guys all. Okay, take care. Bye bye.