S1E6 Handling Mistakes

Failure is not falling down/making mistakes, failure is not getting back up afterwards.
We all make mistakes, the difference is how we handle them.
Once you make a mistake, first realize the extent of it, then move on and focus on solving it. Do not settle down on the mistake, since you can't undo what is done.
There is good in any bad and bad in any good, focus on what you learnt from the bad experience.
Often we see our own mistakes as situational, while we see other people's mistakes with the view that they are bad people.

Q: Share some of the mistakes you have made and the way you handled them, did you focus on the mistake, or the solution? What is your advice to your friends, when they make a mistake, mistake or solution?

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Welcome to Life Workshop, where we discuss the forgotten basics. Again we have Bo and Mo or Mo and Bo, your favorite host and co-host. Today's subject is handling mistakes. Alright. Okay. I mean everybody makes mistakes.

SPEAKER_01 0:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:43

I'm an exception.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

Well, at least someone is.

SPEAKER_00 0:50

So the problem is is just making mistakes. The problem is how the difference is how we handle it. And normally I say failure is not falling down. Failure is not getting back up. Now I'm going to share with you one mistake, only one mistake that I have made so that I can fit in the group. Because I don't make mistakes. Okay. I'm going to share that with you and see you as an audience as well as yourself, Bo, how you feel about that.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

So it was some time ago, uh, around Christmas time, you know, I went to this big box store. And um, I don't know if you remember during this time, you know, there was a bit of a shortage of supplies, and you know, there were some problems because of the COVID and the trucking and some problem that they were in BC because of the flooding. So the supplies were not as good. So what happened? I bought this Christmas tree that I really liked it. This is on a Sunday morning. And then when I brought it home and I opened it and put it together, it has all the pieces except one piece. The cord connects to an adapter, that the adapter goes into the plug. So that was missing. So I checked all over. No, it's not there. And I was concerned because normally I do my shoppings, the free time that I have is weekend, that you know, if I wait till next weekend comes, this might be sold out and I may not be able to use this, and I have to return it, which I was not interested. I didn't want to return it really. I like it.

SPEAKER_01 2:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

So what happened the day after, which was Monday morning, I decided before going to work, I'm gonna go to this big box store and I'm gonna ask, you know, to see if I can get the thing from one of the uh boxes that is there. And I was concerned that if they get sold out, as I said.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

Right.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

Yeah. So the day after, yes, on Monday morning, I go, and then as I go, there was some issues with the power failure, the traffic light was not working anyway. There was it took maybe longer to get to the to the uh store. So when I got there, I wanted to go to the customer service, and I realized, oh my god, there is a lineup. This is on the first thing in the morning, which I did not plan for that one. Then and uh what I did, I kind of thought, I'm not gonna go back because I cannot come back. I don't have time, you know, to go, for example, back to work and then afterwards come back. I cannot do that. So what I did, I went to the store and then the sample that they had there, I removed that small plug. Whoa, whoa, you can't do that. Easy, easy, buddy. So I removed that and then I held it in my hand. This is a small piece, I held it in my hand and walked towards the customer service again. And I thought, hopefully by this time, customer service is not as busy. And I'm gonna say, hey, you know, this happened and I'm gonna take in this. Is that okay? But I go back again. Customer service is pretty busy. Um, and I was not sure what the hell I should do. So I just walked out.

SPEAKER_01 4:10

I just stole an adapter off of a display table.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

Uh sure, I wouldn't use that term, but so I took that piece and I went home. And to be honest, you know, because I was busy with working and thing, I never thought about it.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:25

So my question for you is if I would come and tell you I did this or a friend tells you this, this, what would you say? Is that okay? Is it not okay?

SPEAKER_01 4:36

No, it's not okay. Okay. You'd have to go back to the store and apologize and like deal with that. You know, good enough. And and no, okay, as long as you go back and apologize, everyone's usually pretty, pretty cool about it. They might be like, they might look at you like you did what? You know. But as long as you like rectify, right rectify the situation, say that I made a mistake, it was whatever, it was a day.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

You know, that is very interesting. The approach is very interesting, and I wish that day I had talked to you instead of anyway. So uh that evening, Monday after work, when I come home, I had these two very close friends of mine that they are very good friends. They're very good friends. So I brought stuff with them that this happened, and myself, to be honest, I hadn't thought about that. I was just finding it kind of funny. Then, but at the same time, I was not feeling good about it, I should say that. And then um one of them said, Oh my god, you can't do that. It's like a stealing. I said, It's not really a stealing, you know. Not stealing. Okay, okay. And then it just went on and on. And then one of the that's terrible, the other one, you know, you cannot do that. And then the it just you know continued as they were talking. I said, So what shall I do about this? And they said, This is the thing. Now what shall I do with all this? And then they continued talking about the mistake. And then one of them at one, and this is building up because one of them says that can you imagine if they see you on camera and they lay charges and this happens and that happens, and then all of a sudden, one of the friends said that, Mo, you're a thief.

SPEAKER_01 6:20

By this time, I should tell you this though.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

Because I was, yeah, I by this time, oh my God, it hit me hard. That word hit me hard. Because it's not just I take pride, you know, it's just me. I even if I go to a friend's house, I will never ever open a drawer or something, go somewhere without their permission. I will not even touch the spoon if they don't know that. And this is if you're a close friend, that's another story. I mean, the spoon, I'm going too far with that. But I never ever do that. Um and then all of a sudden, he calls me a thief. And honestly, I broke into sweat. I was all red, and I I was red, you know, my shirt was just, and they realized that. That, oh my god, it hit me hard. Then at this time, my guards came up. Of course, I'm kind of that way, that you know, uh, I go easy, easy, but then when it I thought that it was my guards came up. I said, no, you cannot call me a thief. This is not a stealing. If I had gone to the store, they would give me the piece. It would be just the same thing. It's just that it didn't happen. And then when it continued, then I told this friend, I said, remember, the way that you described it, of course, it took me some time. I should tell you that it was not as quick as I'm saying it because I had to get over my emotions too. Yeah. But you know, I said, remember, the reason we have a judge and jury is for that. Because depending on the circumstances, you know, a mistake or a crime or whatever you want to call it will be handled differently. They look at uh circumstances, the way you are saying it, we don't need to know because actually I said this was the circumstances, and you know, and this happened, and again he went back and said that no, you are a thief. And then I said, look, I was, and I was trying to convince him, as a matter of fact, um that you know I was I'm a bit for you know very uh focused, you know, on something that I do, I'm very goal-oriented. When I want to do something, I just focus on it. But sometimes it comes to my disadvantage, for example, in this case, because I didn't want to spend extra time to go back and I didn't have the time, so I just want to solve the problem and I solved it, but not in the best way. And at that moment, because I was just focused on that, this is my personality, but as I said, sometimes it goes against me for most of the part it goes in my favor because I really focus on something and I get it done. But I was trying to convince him, I said, no, a stealing is a stealing and you are a thief. When he said that, I said, now let's just look at this because you're not thinking about the circumstances, that piece belonged to me. Yes, it was in the store. I could have had it regardless. As a matter of fact, afterwards, yes, I brought it up with the management of the box store, and actually the manager, he was a very, I would say, mature person, and I really enjoyed conversation with him, and I had I gained a lot of respect for him because he noticed that I'm so disturbed by this, more than anything, he was trying to calm me down. And he said, no, we would have done the same thing, yes, you know, maybe you should have just obviously tell us, and but it's not really stealing. And now um I'm gonna go back.

SPEAKER_01 10:03

It was stealing until you rectified the situation. As soon as you go back and you and you realize, oh, I I did this and it was a mistake, right? And then you rectified it, then then it's not stealing anymore. But up until that that point, I would say that's still that's still stealing, even though you don't want to ad you don't want to admit that, right? And you know, because it's hard. And um, but up until that point, until you decided that I'm going to go back and talk to the people about this, and that and that that could have been five minutes after you walked out the store. I don't know. But up until that point that you made that decision that you're gonna go and rectify this this this situation, it was stealing.

SPEAKER_00 10:45

Actually, I'm gonna disagree with that, and this is my okay, my uh story.

SPEAKER_01 10:51

Sorry.

SPEAKER_00 10:53

Stealing normally, to the best of my knowledge, English my being my second language, stealing is when you go, or intentionally, you go to steal something, or you plan it and you go, or you go and um randomly see that oh nobody's watching, you take it and go. Neither of the two was my intention. We don't have a proper word for this, or at least I don't know. Did I do the right thing? Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_01 11:22

Well, you you did in the end.

SPEAKER_00 11:24

Yeah, no, but at the beginning. When I took it, it was the wrong thing, for sure. And I agree. But is it a stealing? I would say no. What is the word? I don't know. There is no word that I know that fits the idea. Again, a stealing is when you go take something, or intentionally, or just at the spare of the moment, you think that nobody's watching, I'm gonna take it. I could have had that peace regardless. I could have just the only thing was that I did not inform them. And really, I wanted to inform my intention, was there, it just didn't happen. Again, it doesn't make you right. I'm not saying that. I made a mistake. It is like, for example, just imagine, I know I'm gonna just to bring it home. Imagine if um a friend, you know, brings and leaves something at your house. Let's say even just a spoon. Just just I'm talking very small things. If they come to your house and without telling you, take the spoon that belongs to them, again, it's not the right thing. Kind of.

SPEAKER_01 12:25

Well, I would like to know because otherwise I'd be like, what happened to the spoon? And then I'd be worried about it. Exactly that I lost their their their spoon.

SPEAKER_00 12:31

That is exactly. That can be that. Of course, they were not worried about that thing, but just generally correct. I want to be told, not that they take it by, although it is belonging to them. And I wouldn't do that to my friends, too. I wouldn't just do that, I would just inform them. It's just for the sake of clarity. Now, in this case, again, it was not if I didn't do it intentionally, I just went there, just the situation, you know, just one thing, you know, ended up to the other. And because of that, you know, I I I made the mistake that I made. But again, now this is the interesting part, this is the moral of the story that I brought this up. When I brought this up with some of one of the friends, he said, I said, I said, Look, have you heard of self-forgiveness? He said, Yes. I said, Do you think you know I should forgive myself on the mistake that I have done and move on and now think about how to solve it? He said, But you made a mistake. And then I wanted to say, look, yes, I'm I'm I realize that, and I'm not arguing that, but I agree it's a mistake. My thing is what can I do now? And then I'm not gonna beat myself over it again, and I'm gonna move on by now thinking about what shall I do now. But he insisted on basically, but this is a big mistake, which that was my point. I said, so you in theory you understand the concept of self-forgiveness and you know uh having problems, but in reality, in practicality, you don't do that. You just come up with a but this. No, it was a mistake, I agree it's a mistake, there's nothing to talk about, it's over. Now I'm gonna focus on how I'm gonna solve the problem or how I'm gonna handle this now on.

SPEAKER_01 14:24

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 14:24

And that was a very simple thing. Now, why am I bringing this up? Because a lot of times when we make a mistake and or uh uh just think about that, you know that some of us we hang on to thinking about the mistake that we have made, and some of us we start thinking, wait, how can we solve it from here? It has happened. If you agree to it, that's another it is done. There is nothing to discuss. Unless if you don't agree that it's a mistake, then well, there should be some sort of a discussion to come to some sort of agreement or understanding that yes, it is. But if I have agreed it's a mistake, I think the conversation is over. Now we have to go to the next step. How to handle this, right? And because of that, believe it or not, that night I lost the sleep. I could not sleep. I was one of the worst nights that I had after a long time. And I couldn't believe it even myself that you know, being normally thinking things through, I got kind of trapped into the situation. But anyways, so this is what I was trying to say, that you know how I felt, and I was trying to be logical about it, but again, my logic could not take over because those two very good friends, and they they don't want to have uh my uh you know they have my best intention in mind. But um sure, even they would do, I mean, I'm positive they would do that to themselves, that if they make a mistake, they beat themselves up, uh themselves up for the mistake that they have made instead of thinking how to handle it after. Right. And sometimes it just doesn't let you move on. So in case you screw up in life, which happens to everybody, even me, then the idea is how we can handle it more than keep going back and beating ourselves up over and over and over that we have made a mistake. So the question again is uh, and so as I said, this is not stealing, by the way. There is another word. I don't know if there is a word for it. Yeah, uh, stealing is different just because of the circumstances that it happened, and anyways, uh let's focus on the other solving. And actually, it got solved just fine. There was nothing, and this goes back to I think one of the uh podcasts that we had earlier that said 97% of the stress, it will never happen.

SPEAKER_01 16:53

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 16:54

I remember and the other three percent, you can't do much at all. Yeah, you can't do anything about it. This was among the 97%, nothing happened, which often that is the case. So, anyway, the question that I have for everyone: if you do me a favor and do yourself a favor, go discuss some of the screw-ups that you have had. We all do. We all do, and then discuss it with friends and see what they would suggest on solving it, even if you have one from the past. As well as how would you address it if a friend comes to you and says that they made a mistake? If they don't accept the mistake, that's one thing. Then you have to discuss it so that you come to some common grounds. But when they accept the mistake, just now the problem that it's done. Then we have to think about how to handle it from there. That's all I'm trying to say. So, Bo, what do you think? Did I do the right thing? Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:55

What else were you gonna do? Just like not saying it.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

No, and actually, at the very beginning, you just said it too, you know, that you know, yes, uh, you know, this is a mistake, then you want to think about how to solve it, versus right, you know, beating yourself up. But sometimes some of the personalities that we have, you just keep focusing on the past, focusing on the past, focusing and staying in the past, which is not good.

SPEAKER_01 18:15

Well, I know for my for myself when things like that happen, and and they do happen, right? Mistakes happen all the time. Um, first I kind of freak out a little bit and I get mad at, well, usually mad at myself or upset or disappointed, like we had talked about earlier. Yeah. And I have to kind of get through that a little bit, and it's getting less and less. It's usually it's a spike.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

It's like you're becoming an expert in making mistakes.

SPEAKER_01 18:38

Yeah, exactly, right? It's it's like a spike, a panic, right? And then I have to discuss it with whoever it's affecting, you know, um, like my my the the contractor I'm working with or the client I have or what whatever, I have to talk about it. If I don't if I don't talk about it and get it out, I can't I just things aren't well, you know? Like I can't sleep and stuff like you're like you're talking about.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

Actually, same here. I I would discuss it, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:06

And then I have to and then once I've discussed it and identified it, you know, and admittedly know that it's my it's my fault and I have to deal with it, um, then I'm about okay, let's solve the the problem. And then you're moving forward from there, right? And then do whatever you have to do. If you have to, you know, rip something apart and redo something, or if you have to whatever, like like you said, go back to the store and talk to the manager, whatever you gotta do, you know. You know, once you've identified it, admitted it to yourself, then you move on, right?

SPEAKER_00 19:38

And as a general rule, I want to say that there is good in any bad, and there is bad in any good. The good in this bad was first of all, I learned a bit more because I haven't done this. This was my first time, believe it or not. And um, there is good in this was the good part in it that now, and then I brought it up the way that I did, which I'm hoping it helps, you know, you know, everybody else to you know bring it up. So you want everybody to think about these mistakes that we make and how we are handling them. And again, the moral of the story is this anything happens that if you make a mistake right away, stop worrying about it, because that's not gonna do you any good. Think about what's the solution, right? And then after that, think about what is good in this bad. Because there is some good in it. It has happened. I don't say go screw up for the intention to learn the good out of it. I'm not saying that. But the screw ups and mistakes happen. So when they happen, we can change it.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

Yeah, well, I even had a I had a German tell me one time that, well, if you're not if you're not screwing things up, you're not learning anything.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

So well, of course, true, but we don't want intentionally to make the mistake. Oh, no. You know, that is the thing. We don't want to make intentional mistakes, but you want to prevent as much as possible, but trust me, as much as you try not to, again, you're gonna screw up. Yeah, especially this is for younger generation because sometimes I think they get too worked up over things, you know, but you're gonna screw up again and again and again.

SPEAKER_01 21:15

And and knowing that that that we all screw up, take it easy on other people when they when they screw up, you know, and and help them solve problems as well.

SPEAKER_00 21:25

Very good point. Yeah, very good point. I miss that.

SPEAKER_01 21:28

Sometimes we kind of see someone screw something up and it's sort of like, ah, right, and you want to be angry, but it's like hold on. We all we we all screw up and you should be helping that person out.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

No, that's awesome. That's a very good view to have.

SPEAKER_01 21:42

Yeah, that's because a lot of people have have have helped me. So pay it forward, right?

SPEAKER_00 21:47

Yeah, another thing actually, I see I was uh listening actually to one of the podcasts that there was this psychologist that was mentioning this. She said, Normally, if we make a mistake, we say that I'm not the bad person. The situation was this that I did this. Yeah, you have to make an excuse, yeah. But if somebody else that makes the mistake, we say that it's a bad person. We don't think of it as a situation that was there that they did it. And that is very true. That we just attach it to their whole personality versus saying that what was the situation, what happened? Yeah, that's very true. Yeah, to put yourself, which is basic this empathy. You just go sit on their seat and see how they felt to the best that you can. And often, again, it's a is a mistake. And normally I say that we don't have bad people, we have bad ideas. That's another thing. Yeah, um my god, again, the camera at the end, I don't know how come. Oh my god, I didn't plug it again. But um, anyways, uh, I hope you guys enjoyed this. And um, again, as always, you know, please if you have if you have made some mistakes, please let me know. You know, send this as an email, that would be awesome. And you know, the way that you have handled it, and if you can discuss it again with friends, you know, let's just have some talks about this thing. You know, honestly, it just matures the idea. It helps everybody, and you know, just get it out, and it's okay. We all make mistakes again. The failure is not falling down, failure is not getting back up. Love you guys all. Take care. Bye, bye bye.