S1E19 Value Systems: Part 4

Small changes that we make in our value system now, may not look like that much to begin with, can have exponential effect in the long run.

Q: What do you value? saving money or spending it, do you wanna look scary or friendly, what is more important function or fashion, Do you prefer to be famous or helpful, Do you value approval or being challenged?

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Welcome to Life Workshop, where we discuss the forgotten basics. This episode again is on value system part four. So as you might have uh uh listen recent previous one, you know, I say the value system is really something that will decide the direction that we choose to go in our life in different aspects. And then as the changes maybe at the beginning would not be as much. For example, when we make some different changes uh different uh val we have different values or we just make different choices, you know, at the beginning, it may not make that much of a difference, but you know, the changes normally have exponential results that you know it can be really changing over years to come, and that can make a huge difference on you know how we are gonna end up to be and you know the life that we are gonna have. So, because of that, it's very important to re-evaluate those values and you know, time to time, you know, just see are we doing the things the right way? And sometimes we have done something that it made sense at one point, but does it make sense anymore? You know, because things change and circumstances change and we do change. So, anyway, before we get started again, please again, as usual, if you can don't forget to subscribe, like, and share. And please ask us questions if you have any questions that you know you might think that uh it will be a value to you and others, you know, I would be more than happy to go and figure out if I know and if I feel comfortable about it, I'll just discuss it. But anyway, back to the uh part four of value system. So, one of the things again that I'm gonna bring up here, I forgot to mention again this is Bo and Mo, the most favorite host and co-host. But one of the subjects that I want to talk about that now, uh Bo, I'm gonna answer this question, but again, this question is for everybody basically. Do you take pride in saving money or spending money in general? Saving. Good. Which I don't do very well. Okay, good to know. But actually, this is the interesting part. You know, sometimes I don't know if it has happened, you know, that you talk to some other people. Oh, I spend money on this, I spend money on that, and you know, as if it's just a they talk with uh something glorious thing about it. Anyway, so it is just something to think about that really, which one?

SPEAKER_01 2:37

And then it makes me depressed when I spend money.

SPEAKER_00 2:41

Then maybe you want to do something about that.

SPEAKER_01 2:43

But I do it all the time because you know you have to, and I'm like, oh well, and then you nickel and dime. Well, I'm bad for nickel and diamond myself, you know. I'll spend 20 bucks here, 20 bucks there, you know, five dollars here, five dollars there, and then all of a sudden it adds up to a large amount, and then I'm like, oh, where did all my money go?

SPEAKER_00 2:59

Actually, this is an important part to um to to talk about a little bit. For example, when it comes to the saving money or making money, I would just get there a little bit. No, the the things change. For example, when you're younger, definitely and you don't have money, definitely you want to save more. And then as you get older, then for example, if you have saved enough, if you're you're there, then you know you don't want to worry too much about that. You can maybe start spending, but of course, when I say spending, again, I don't mean unreasonable. But now I just remember this. I'm gonna tell this a story very quickly. Is about um there was this gentleman that I knew, and he's a very wealthy man and very successful in his business.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

Not talking about me.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

You're out already. Yeah. And then and then, for example, he he had a business and he was very successful at it too. But when the uh COVID hit, um then you know it affected all businesses, including his. But he was really worried about that, which I was just couldn't understand. Why are you worried about that? You know, if um even if you don't make it, again you have enough to live. And it will not change your lifestyle. So for almost two years, he was really worried about this. And then I didn't know that years, you know, for the past um after a year and a half of you know, basic having all this worry about the COVID thing, he was diagnosed with a terminal disease, and then a few months after he passed away. The moral of the story is this if he had simply thought differently, he would have lived his life the same thing, but with comfort. But just a way of thinking made him to worry for you know a year and a half before he was, you know, uh diagnosed with that terminal illness. This is where I'm going with that, that you know we want to think about this kind of thing. Does it make a difference? Absolutely it does. You know, so for example, when it comes to saving money, you know, yes, definitely you want to save money, but at one point you really don't want to as much. Why? And it doesn't mean, I'm not saying that by that I do not mean go spend, you know, lavishly and do that. No, no, no. But you you want to be more comfortable, you don't have to put your focus on it as much. You may want to or donate it, or I don't even want to help people, or you might decide to work less if you want to, but it will change a little bit the flavor of life. That's what I'm trying to say.

SPEAKER_01 5:37

What do you think for that guy though? Like, was it really about money? It was about a business that he wanted to run and just functioning and keeping going. It wasn't about I mean, I don't know who this is, but I mean it wasn't, it doesn't sound to me like I mean, possibly it could not be about the money.

SPEAKER_00 5:52

You know, you could be very well right. I of course I had spoken with him, and you know, he had said the money part, he brought that. But that's okay. That no, you you could be very much right that maybe it is his pride and it is his baby that business, and he wants the business to succeed.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

That that's his purpose is to have the business succeed, right?

SPEAKER_00 6:08

Correct, but the point that is another thing. Now it because it takes you to another aspect of it. If COVID has hit and it's not the fault of your own that is affecting your business, why do you take responsibility for it? It's out of your control.

SPEAKER_01 6:21

Well, because it's your business and you have to you have to find a way around it. It's just another challenge.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

No, it no, no, I I challenge is good. Now it went a little bit. Myself, for example, uh being a physical therapist, we had to shut down. And actually, some people they said that, are you worried about it? I said now. Why should I worry about it? If I cannot do anything about it, why should I worry about it? It's out of my control. And then afterwards we reopen, and that was it. So the element, you know, again, the way of thinking, it will change it. No. Um if it was money, then really there was no need for him to worry about that. But if it was business too, again, again he didn't have to, because it is out of your control. You just do the best that you can. Don't worry about the things that you can't control.

SPEAKER_01 7:03

This might be, well, and this isn't what you want to talk about, I know, but it popped into my head, so I'm gonna say it anyways. Do you think with that whole COVID thing and people being shut shut down and some people being essential and other people's not, do you think that mess with people a lot? Like if I was I was essential. So, like, number one. But I mean, like, you know, other people who weren't, do you think that threw people off? Like I'm sure is that that's a way of thinking as well. It's like, oh I'm not sure. I know that some people they took pride or other people being like, pfft, I'm not gonna work, you know.

SPEAKER_00 7:35

I don't know. I know that some people, I mean, they take any opportunity to be proud of it. Actually, now you're saying that I'm gonna go to the next one, you know, that which is a kind of related to some extent. Some people, I mean, some of us we want to feel important, you know, we all do. Yeah, now, for example, that take off the taking pride in something and the being superior to others, you know. Which I will talk about the superiority, yeah, you know, and the supremism. I will talk about that in another topic. But this is actually in around the same thing. And I I'm I if you have done it, I'm not making fun of you. Actually, I am, but you're not the only one. Then they would tweet, you stay home, we will take care of you. I mean, thank you. Do your job, it's cool, it's cool. But you know, I'm an essential worker, and then even Costco offers the essential workers the you know, some advantages that you can you don't have to stand in line. Are you serious? Really? Yes, they did that.

SPEAKER_01 8:33

You would stand in line like a sucker.

SPEAKER_00 8:35

Actually, I think personally I could have said that as a physical therapist. I'm a physical therapist, you know, and I I didn't have any ID, maybe.

SPEAKER_01 8:42

You're not the essential.

SPEAKER_00 8:43

You just I was half essential. Come on. I was half important, okay? You can write that off. No, okay, okay. You're you're you're you're almost in the cool, cool, cool, cool K club, you know. But so it can't that of course goes to the again the concept of yeah, supremism that you know people they want to feel important, and you know, for some it did it, and awesome. But now I want to actually the next one the value system again is related kind of to this. I have, for example, this guy that I know, he is um he's actually quite out of shape, I should say that, but he's just taller and bigger, and he likes to be considered scary, and that he and he likes to be considered that and he has some piercing and such tattoos and beard and thing, and he wears a bandana, so he looks like a bad boy and he likes that concept, which I brought up once a day. I said, So, why don't you just like to be looked at as a more safe and friendly person versus being scary? And I really don't think he's that scary, he's not, you know, he's not that fit in general, but you not do anything, walk fast, you will leave him behind. You won't have to even run. Yeah, but but in general, you know, the value system that we would, I want to look as scary or I want to look friendly. And then another thing is that how do we as an audience, you know, value them? If, for example, I see somebody who tries to look as scary, would I really respect them more? Or I would say, Are you okay, buddy? Which approach would you take? Because the approach that we take, we put the value on what they do or don't, and then we help them to you know direct them to should they do what they are doing or not. For example, now I said about the scary versus you know being friendly. The other one is when somebody tries to uh, for example, look very rich, we'd have a nice car and nice clothing, like and the Gucci, you know, bag. For example, now if we go and we value that just for the fact that they are they uh uh fund that money and you know something like that, then we are encouraging the behavior. Don't take me wrong, if somebody, for example, is into cars, a buddy of mine is just into cars, and that's it. It's not the fact of you know that he wants to show off or something, it's just into cars. The guy loves it. So that's different. Or some people that they like to dress up and be, you know, look good, and that's cool. That is you know how they are. But if they are doing it with the intention to impress somebody else, then that becomes a bit different. If it's not they are not doing it for themselves, they are doing it to impress others. And then when it comes to that, now if we as an audience and that we see that, if we feed into it, we encourage the behavior. That is where I'm going with that. Okay. If on the other hand, uh you know, we obviously look down upon it, then we discourage them. And it will be helpful on their side. This is one of the problems that often, often people want to be nice, and then we want to be nice, we tend to agree with whatever that somebody wants to do. And then if they say something, oh wow, that's very impressive. No, it's not impressive, it's a dumb idea. Maybe that is why sometimes some people don't like me as much. Because I really I mean, I don't say that way, but I say it behind their back. I'm kidding. But but you know, sometimes you know, when we want to agree just to sound, I don't know, supportive, but really is it a support? Especially, for example, as a if somebody's the value system that they have is wrong, but then we feed it, you know, just as a to look scary or to look rich, and then we go and feed the idea.

SPEAKER_01 12:58

I think if you if you really think that someone's going down a wrong path and you actually care about them, you have a responsibility to say something. Um, but there's nothing wrong with being supporting someone in something that maybe you yourself aren't really a f a fan of, but but they uh but they are. I don't think there's any problem with showing some support, you know.

SPEAKER_00 13:18

I mean that cool enough, but again, I said no, you I agree. If there is something that they are doing, that person I think it is not good for them and others, then I'm not gonna be supporting it. So for example, as a if they want to look as scary, like you know, people that are in a gang, they want to look as scary, hey buddy, that's not a very good thing.

SPEAKER_01 13:35

No, but it's not you want to look more friendly, it's not hurting anybody. Actually, and they're and they're putting out that signal that that's kind of what what they're about, so so good. I'm not sure let me know I don't want to be around you.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

To look as scary, I'm not sure if it is a good thing. This is where I'm going with that. To look as scary, or for example, to uh to uh uh to express that being rich and you know having expensive things is a I don't think is a good thing. I would value if they are more into you know being happy, enjoying life and helping somebody very simple.

SPEAKER_01 14:17

Maybe they are.

SPEAKER_00 14:18

I'm not too sure about that, and maybe they do that too, besides this. But again, I do not agree with this part of it, regardless. This part that if you want to be funding your money or I don't know, just show off and this thing. Ah, I don't know. I don't know. But again, but another now, another thing again, value system that what do you value? Value function or fashion?

SPEAKER_01 14:43

Well, okay, there you go. Then you you just so because your value system is a specific way, right? So you can understand like why these people's value system is another way. What I'm trying to say, and nothing's nothing's right or wrong.

SPEAKER_00 14:57

Actually, there is though. That's it.

SPEAKER_01 14:59

Not nothing's right or wrong. There's definitely right and definitely wrong. I'm just saying in this specific specific aspect you you can't just say a person's value system is wrong because they like to present themselves in such a way.

SPEAKER_00 15:12

As I said, I'm gonna go back. If some people they, for example, they try to dress up or I don't know, they have a nice car because really they enjoy that, good on them.

SPEAKER_01 15:23

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:24

But if they are doing it with the intention to impress somebody, I'm not sure if it's the best thing. That's what I'm trying to say. I guess or for example, another thing, when it comes to function versus fashion, for example, sometimes when we wear shoes or clothing that they feel awful, but it looks supposed to look cool.

SPEAKER_01 15:46

Who does that?

SPEAKER_00 15:48

Allah. When it comes to the fashion part of it, very frequently the uh in the fashion shows, for example, when they wear this funny, silly clothing, which I don't know if anybody wears that, but you know, they are promoting it. And actually, I brought it up. One of the ladies, you know, one of my clients, and she made a very good point. She said, remember, often fashion is not for function, it's just for a show. Because who buys some of this? For example, there was this I was on a fashion show that I saw this lady, she was wearing a kind of a dress that at the bottom it was like a car. The tires are there. It looks ugly and weird, but anyways, it is just something to think about, you know. I want to bring up some other subject, I don't want to go too long on the on that. But it is just that are you more after function or fashion? For example, that you know, yeah. I mean, it's cool to look good, but that becomes another thing. The fashion part when we are talking sometimes becomes the etiquette that you know, when, for example, you have to dress a certain way for a certain you know thing. Well, yeah, that's that's normal though. Actually, we have made it normal, that's another subject. For example, if you go to a funeral, you're supposed to dress really more formal, otherwise, it's a kind of a sign of a disrespect.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

Right.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

Well, who said it is disrespect? And we will get there. That's another story for another night. That you know, we we we we we create those values on our own, they are not real values. In a short, I normally say that we have real values versus constructed values. Constructed values are the ones that we make them up.

SPEAKER_01 17:27

Yeah, but it's made up and stuff, but it's made up for a reason because it it it shows like it pr it projects the image out to other people. Right? That that kind of tells what you're about, right? That says, you know, I'm I'm here and um and I'm dressed up for this and I'm gonna show this respect for the you know for this for the deceased, right? Just in that funeral um example. Right. In different environments, yeah. About showing a specific way or or dressing a certain way for a specific task. Um it just it's it's showing other people around you kind of what you're about. You know, like you you you won't go to a a run, you know, um wearing a suit or something, right? It just because it's not comfortable, it's not functional. Yeah, totally, right? And but you know, someone who is really into suits or something might might want to want to do that, and you look at them like, oh that's that's weird. You know? But you're gonna get it. You're all sort of per you're per all per per projecting an image out that you're doing you're in a group and you're doing one.

SPEAKER_00 18:31

Again, when it comes to that part of it, you know, we will bring it up because I be I will be talking about that.

SPEAKER_01 18:35

Like like you don't okay, listen. So on on like a like a construction job set or something, right? You don't wear jogging pants. Again, practicality.

SPEAKER_00 18:45

Yeah, yeah. Well I go for the practicality, you know, that is what I'm trying to say. That but is it doing function versus the fashion?

SPEAKER_01 18:53

But it also shows but I think when we're talking about clothing and that, it's a it's uh it's a signal to other people. It's it's it does it's more than just fashion and practicality. It it it has something else, it's also sending signals out to other other people to how how to respond to you in a way. Like, you know, when when you're not when it was like a a job set again, when you're when you're out there and you're not dressed specifically um in the like let's say proper, but in in a way that's not practical for that task, I'm not gonna take you seriously.

SPEAKER_00 19:26

You know, I absolutely agree with you. I know what you're saying, and sometimes it is because the value system in the society that has been created, then sometimes we become a slave of it. No, I understand. For example, myself, myself as a physio, if I go with a torn shirt and those kind of things, it may not look too professional, obviously. And yes, if you were understand some part of it, but again, these are the etiquettes that we have created. For example, myself, if I want to do the business, I had to um let's say I wanted to buy this building. So I mean it's not that expensive just to just to be clear. But you know, but I had to basically present myself in a way that I have the money that they take me seriously. If I would go, you know, in I don't know, in my sandals, or for example, I wouldn't look wealthy enough to be able to handle it, most likely would not take me seriously. Most likely. And again, because of the value system, but if you're Bill Gates, that everybody knows you're wealthy, then you can go in and you're and everywhere, and they will take you seriously because they know who you are. And sometimes when they don't know you, then your clothing is supposed to kind of express that.

SPEAKER_01 20:36

Right.

SPEAKER_00 20:37

But again, I understand I completely understand what's saying, but you know, sometimes we have wanna be careful that are we going too far with that? But that is another thing. But the value system, another one is for example, are you valuing wealth or for example, let's say happiness. This is another thing. If, for example, you see somebody that is rich, and this is the unfortunate thing that I'm really, this really bugs me. For example, you see advertisement, you know, our politicians, every time they talk about making you richer, but nobody talks about, I mean, not nobody. We don't have as much talking about how we can make other lives better and happier. And if if we value those kinds of things, then for example, I would be, let's say, as a person, if I have friends that, you know, one is rich, the other one is happy, I would be personally, I would choose to find a happy guy, say that, hey, what the hell is your secret? I want to know, versus the rich guy to say that, hey, I want to be rich like you. And these are the things that they will affect the circle of friends that we are gonna have and the things that we are gonna choose to do because though those friends are gonna affect us. So, this is again another one that we want to think about that. Another one, for example, another value system is, for example, are we looking after you know to be we want to be famous or do we want to be really helpful and useful? This is a big one, for example, very frequently, especially we see in the new generation the Youthful generator, not new. Just 2022 brand. But in the the the younger generation, that everybody wants to be famous. I mean, I have no problem with that person. I like that, but I'm not going to be going out of my you know um you know way or do something that is silly or something that um I mean when I say silly, I mean in a bad way. Uh being silly as a comedy and you know being some lightheartedness, that's awesome. I really like it. But you know, if we are gonna be not helpful or or or useful just for the sake of getting some attention, that's a very negative thing for the person as well as the viewer. But the unfortunate again thing is that we, as in generally, as a public, for example, we go for something that is more of a, I don't know, has more views, is more famous. We just by by by default, for example, uh somebody like uh again, this Kardashian, they become influencer. What the hell are they doing? You know, and just because they are famous, and they have become famous because a big group of us, we paid attention to them. Otherwise, they wouldn't be famous. This is where I'm going, and then they become influencer. Are you kidding me?

SPEAKER_01 23:27

I I don't know what to say about that because I'm not really involved in that, so I don't know. Actually, neither am I, but I know a little bit I don't like. I mean, obviously, I know a little, I guess I know a little, not really much that she is married. I I I I don't I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 23:46

Again, no, and that is good. I'm glad that this to hear that because I really, you know, I it really bothers me when I see some people that they know so much about them and they follow them and they watch them. And then who are they? What are they doing that is useful for this society? And they brought this up once a friend of mine said that it's entertainment. I said, how much are you willing to pay for entertainment? How much the entertainment the guy who entertains you should make money and be, I don't know, famous and get the attention versus somebody who is really doing a good job. And I'm talking about that, for example, a scientist or you know, somebody who is working and doing something. And normally I bring this up question up that if I ask you how many myself I don't watch any specific TV or you know, I'm not big into that stuff. If I do, it would be more often it's just a comedy because comedy is supposed to be comedy if I do. But, anyways, if I ask you how many uh celebrities you know, or are uh you know those kind of um movie stars it's called, you know, how many of them they you know, although, and I have done this question, although, for example, people even they are if they're not watching again myself, I know movie stars and these things. But if you ask myself how many scientists I know, I have to really think hard. Yeah, and that shows the value system that other society has that who comes on top. That is what I'm saying. And the value system is of us, we are bringing it up on top.

SPEAKER_01 25:15

Yeah, and I do watch a lot, like I do watch videos and listen to podcasts and stuff about like scientists talking about things, but I don't remember their names, you know, exactly. And I remember I only remember parts of the concepts, you know.

SPEAKER_00 25:29

And this again, this is this is where I'm going with that. These are all the value systems that as a society we put. And then when we don't do that, if for example, if we as a society generally we would do that, then media of any type of media would put more focus on the scientist, on some people that are more productive and they're doing something good versus somebody who is not. We will get into that. I don't want to get deviated too much.

SPEAKER_01 25:55

And then the scientist ends up being the the so celebrity, right? And then they get all that attention put on them, and then they won't be able to do what they're supposed to do. It's like remember the remember the uh kids in the hall movie brain brain candy?

SPEAKER_00 26:11

No. Oh man, you should watch that. No, actually, this that I'm saying, don't I I'm not saying that the scientists become celebrity, that's not what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01 26:19

But again, it wasn't if if we if we if we treated the scientists like the celebrity, they wouldn't be able to be a scientist.

SPEAKER_00 26:26

No, no, that's not what I said, they don't get the attention, right? That is what I'm saying. Getting the attention doesn't mean um it is like you know, when the when you go buy chips, then they say this is not chips, this is kale, just deep fried with extra salt, it's as bad as the other one. So, what I'm saying, when I'm talking scientist, I'm talking like the kale itself, not deep fried with salt. And I'm not saying the scientist to become the next uh um I don't know, movie star, that's not what I'm saying. But what I'm saying is that you know, if we put more attention on the scientists, hey, we have this scientist and they have done this and that. They we know them that if when we ask a young person how many scientists you know versus how many movie stars, at least they can come up with a few names. Anyway, we'll get there because that is another subject that I really topic that I really really like to talk about. But the very last one that I'm gonna bring up again about the value system is, for example, sometimes when we seek approval, for example, or versus we ask for challenges. If we want to be challenged, what do we value? Then our value system is more I want somebody to agree with what I'm saying. Although, in my case, if you agree, then you're smart. I'm kidding, that was a joke, but but or versus you know, I want somebody to challenge me. So this value system will again will direct the way that, for example, we pick other friends. If, for example, a friend agrees with me and then I'm more of a I want approval, then I will be me. I know I will never ever change. There is no way that I can improve. But if somebody's challenging me and I seek that, that helps me to grow and you know, think twice about the things that I want to do and hopefully get it better.

SPEAKER_01 28:17

Yeah. It's funny, sometimes I I do do things just for approval for sure. You know, I just want to show something and say, hey, look, look at this or whatever, you know, and it's more just I'm after affirmation, like you said, you know, and other times, other times I'll do the same thing and I'm after, well, how can you you see anything where I could go a little different here? Or like, you know? No, you might go so you're saying that it's like it's like both, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 28:45

You brought it up and you just made me think. Person, I do that too sometimes. I really go at at the beginning, for example, when I want to start this podcast thing, I go discuss it with lots of people, and I'm lucky that I'm a physical therapist, so I have a lot of clients. Too bad for them. I just ask them the questions. Yeah, so I I get a lot of feedback that way. But then after at some time, I'm more you're right, you know, that I'm more into approval versus versus it, you know, somebody to challenge me, and I have to become more aware of it. So, because of that, the thing that I'm preaching is not necessarily I'm doing them, I'm trying to work on it, I'm trying to myself, you know, learn it and just become more of it. But again, at the end of the day, you know, uh just to just to uh be aware that are we looking uh seeking approval or seeking really a challenge, and challenge is a good thing because once I brought up it uh young lady, and then she said, I can challenge your you know options, she was kind of taken aback. I said, No, no, no, challenge is a very good thing. You want to seek that. I had to explain that is not I'm not attacking your identity and this thing, I'm just saying that part, that idea that they want to do, let us re-examine it and look at it from a different view. But again, at the end, again, as always, life is simple, we make it complicated, so let's not do that. And then back to the question of the day. So, again, for the question, I would say, what do you do? Do you take pride in saving or spending money? Do you want to look scary or friendly? Are you after fashion or function? What do you value more? Health or wealth? And then do you want to be really famous or really helpful? Because there are two different things, and then at the end, do you seek approval or do you prefer constructive criticism and a challenge? Take care, guys.