Behind The Story Show
Welcome to Behind The Story (BTS) Podcast: Exploring the deeper journeys of entrepreneurs, athletes, artists, creators, and leaders, Behind the Story is a weekly deep dive into the minds of extraordinary people. Each episode uncovers the strategies, innovations, and personal experiences that drive success-revealing the lessons, creativity, and resilience that shape their impact and inspire growth.
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Behind The Story Show
Sandy Knight on Healing, Journaling, and Trusting Your Inner Voice
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Jelani Gonzalez
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What happens when your life keeps falling apart — and you decide to rise anyway?
In this episode of Behind the Story, I sit down with Sandy Knight, author of Phoenix Rising Guided Journal for Your Renewal and founder of Spirit Knight, for a conversation about healing, transformation, intuition, and what it really means to rebuild yourself from the inside out.
Sandy shares the deeper story behind her work, including the personal pain, spiritual searching, and emotional breakthroughs that shaped her path. We talk about guided journaling, releasing the weight of the past, shifting your relationship with trauma, and why self-awareness can become the first step toward real renewal.
This conversation explores healing, spiritual growth, emotional resilience, journaling for transformation, and learning how to trust your own inner voice even when life feels uncertain.
If you’ve been navigating grief, change, burnout, identity shifts, or a season of deep personal growth, this episode will speak to you.
speaker-0: And I say, you know, there's a lot of things in life we don't want to do, right? And then there's a lot of things that we do. Well, the question is, are the things that we want to do good for us or not? I mean, obviously everything is good to a point because ultimately anything that's bad supposedly could be turned into something good. I mean, that's just the definition of my life. It's something bad happens and then something good comes out of it. Something bad happens. Then something good comes out of it and I learned not to ask why not until a lot later when I knew Why does this or why is that and now when my energy doctor is actually teaching me is? He said you need to learn these six words. You do not need to understand You do not need to understand because the minute that you start asking that he's like, why are you talking about that? I just cleared it from you. You're bringing it back Stop trying to understand what it is. Let it go.
speaker-1: Welcome to Behind the Story with me, Jelani Gonzalez. Today's guest is someone whose work is beyond writing, beyond coaching, and beyond the typical conversations we hear about healing and intuition. I'm joined by Sandy Knight, author, spiritual intuitive, and the creator of Spirit Knight, a platform dedicated to guiding people back to clarity, grounding, and their own inner truth. Sandy's journey is one of those rare stories when the personal evolution becomes the mission. This episode is about growth, self-awareness, and what happens when someone finally decides to trust a voice within. Let's get into it. Sandy, welcome to BTS. Thanks for being here. I'm doing great. Thank you for asking. Very kind of you to ask. So for the people who are listening for the first time, who may not know exactly who you are, go ahead and introduce yourself to the audience.
speaker-0: Hey, how are you? Sandy Knight. I'm the creator of something called Phoenix Rising Guided Journal for Your Renewal. So it's a guided journal, different than just an open blank pages that you have to write. And I'm also the founder of Spirit Night Ventures. For about the last 20 years, I've been a teacher. I had different stints. I would take a few years off and then I would go back and ⁓ I was raising my family at the time. So teaching was perfect for me. I'm also a writer. And I'm somebody who has walked through a lot of fire to find my voice. This podcast is called Behind the Story because that's exactly what I want to share. Not just the polished pieces, but it's the truth behind the work, the breakdowns that happened quite often that shaped all of this and the vision that keeps it alive. What I've created is not just a journal. It's a blueprint for people. who are going through transformation. Those moments where a free thing falls apart and this is when something real can actually rise.
speaker-1: Thank you for that. you were talking, first question popped into my head. You mentioned Phoenix Rising and Spirit Night. Before Spirit Night, who was Sandy Knight?
speaker-0: Well, I came into this world six weeks early, tried to come even earlier than that, born just under five pounds. So I slept a lot, but I came in with a lot of energy, movement, disruption, and urgency. My mom had already been five centimeters dilated for a month with twins. She was bedridden and she was raising four other children. They had to borrow my grandmother's car because on the way, and then on the way to the hospital, my grandma's car broke down in an industrial area on Christmas day. Wow. And this was a long time. This is back in the seventies. So there was nothing around. know, everything was closed. and so my mom was in the back ready to give birth to twins in the back of the car. And there was a limousine on Christmas day. A nice gentleman decided to take his girlfriend out for a limo ride on Christmas day and ended up taking my mom and my dad to the hospital. And then an hour later, my sister and I were both born. So. That's how I entered this world, early, unexpected, through obstacles and never alone, and always protected by something just beyond logic. And so like, I was fortunate because I always had my sister. She was always there. So that basically, that whole situation with my sister, probably before the age of three, my sister wouldn't talk. She would talk to me and then I would have to translate it. to everybody else. would be considered the stronger of the two because when she was born, she was born with lung problems and then she ended up, you know, obviously being okay, but she did always have mild lung issues. So that's...
speaker-1: When you look back at your childhood and think about where you are now, obviously it's a long journey, was there any early signs that you could reflect back on upon now that showed you that this would be the path you would follow, this intuitive spiritual path that you're currently on?
speaker-0: My upbringing was Christian from day one. So I was very involved in the church growing up, memorizing verses, you know, being taught love, being taught all of these things. I do remember with that teaching, then there's an expectation of how you should behave, how you should act. And I remember from a very young age observing the adults and paying attention to what was going on around me with the different children that were my friends, their behavior, their parents' behavior. And I didn't necessarily see what was being taught in the Bible. So that always made me question a lot of things. But for myself, I knew that I had to be very, you know, pure. When I was in fourth grade, everybody was wearing jeans. You know, my sister wanted her Jordache jeans for Christmas. I wanted a doll and I refused to wear jeans because my grandma... told me that a girl shouldn't be wearing jeans. my grandmother, think because I spent a lot of time with her because I was sick when I was an infant, not like bad sick, just I would throw up all the time. My stomach was very annoyed. And so I spent a lot of time with my grandma because I would be throwing up all the time. So my sister, everybody would be able to enjoy hanging out with her, but I would because I was throwing up all the time, people didn't want to necessarily hold me, I guess. But I developed this very close relationship with my grandmother to the point where when she passed, I was very extremely heartbroken. I think I was like 20 at the time, 21, just trying to graduate from college. And I ended up not because I took incompletes, because I just was like... a mess. It was like two months before I was supposed to graduate and I was doing an internship at a senior center and I was like, I can't go in there right now. Like I am so not being able to hold it together. ⁓ I ditched school for three weeks because I just couldn't take it. You know, like I was hurting so much inside. was like the one person that I knew loved me was gone. And I'm not saying that my parents didn't love me or my brothers and sisters. It wasn't that there was, it's when you ask, did you have this feeling? I had a feeling my whole life that I didn't belong in the family that I was in. I was so desperate to try and fit in and yet at the same time, I would do these strange things like, no, I'm not going to wear jeans. Where everybody else in the crowd is following those steps. And to this day, she's still in a lot of ways does that. So I'm very different when it comes to things like that. And yet at the same time, I was very much a rebel. So, but it was because I would push up against whatever the mainstream narrative was. And all of those questions were valid, but it wasn't until much later, probably closer to late 90s. Not that I wasn't questioning a lot of different things, spirituality, I went down like the full Pentecostal, you know. tongues and speaking in tongues and all of this and learning about healing. So in that whole process, like I had noticed that you said you have a supplement company wall because of my grandmother who would take like 30 different pills every day. And I saw that day after day after day, I started to have minimal little health issues here and there. So I decided I was going to be using supplements instead of the mainstream because when I was younger, I was allergic to different things that they would give me such as different antibiotics or I had blood sugar issues. So I really had to focus on certain ways of eating, you know, it just, was instilled in me from a very young age that I need to take care of myself. I was very sensitive and always paying attention and different doctors like chiropractors or what have you, they would all say, You are really in tune with your body. You know what's going on with your body. Cause I'll be like, well, this section. And then I'll be like, well, this is connected to the emotional da da da da da, or it's a deficiency in, you know what I mean? So it's just, it's been a very much ongoing and on top of it, I'm very much a researcher from everything. And I will look at everything. I was taught the mainstream. So then I'm going to go to the other side of it, which that plays into the duality of the realm that we live in. So. then it's getting to that point with the spiritual side to that center between the balance of the two without going too far to one side or to the other. And then also recognizing that everything is energy at its core. And that's where I'm at now. So when it comes to even spirituality, spirituality is scientific at its smallest pieces. When you look at the system that we live in, the vessels that we have, understanding the ether, the atmosphere and the different components on the periodic table to where everything at its core is energy. And then it even points right back to the very beginning when in Genesis it says, let there be light. Well, that means that this was all darkness. And the only reason why it isn't is because of the light. So it's been a very, very interesting journey. And I traveled a lot of road.
speaker-1: Let me ask you this, a lot of people are called to spiritual work, few actually answer the call. What was the moment or I would say the experience that made you say, I can't ignore this anymore. This is what I have to do.
speaker-0: Well, because I wrote the book, Phoenix Rising, correct? And if you don't know what the Phoenix is, it's the mythological bird that came out of the ancient Mesopotamian. But every culture actually has a symbol of the Phoenix, whether people realize it or not. But the Phoenix was the first one. So in native, it could be the Thunderbird, it's the eagle, it's the peacock, it's the dragon. every culture basically grasped on to that same concept because the phoenix, it's a cycle which we live. Everything has a cycle of birth and death, which means if we leave here, that means that we're going to rise and be rebirthed somewhere else. And also because energy is never destroyed and we know that we're energy beings. So we are energy and spiritual beings before we are physical beings.
speaker-1: How did writing become part of your spiritual identity? ⁓ release maybe?
speaker-0: basically had written, I had started writing another book about six months before I came up with the idea of The Phoenix Rising. And it was on retro causality. And basically what that is, is writing your past in the present tense and you can change it to whatever you want it to be. And then what happens because we are energy beings, because it's all about frequencies, and your brain doesn't know the difference between your imagination and the truth, you can rewrite your history in present now, which I did during that whole process. That was like the buildup. So I think that that may have been one of those burns, right, for me, where I was just burning it down, but it's an internal burn more so than it is like an external. Although it does show up in the 3D, it can. stopped the job that I was at. And so I was off for the summer because I taught. so, and I have a tendency during the summer when I don't have all that busy, busy, because when you're a teacher, you're very busy all the time. Like I am right now. I'm like 12 hour days at the moment because we're ending the semester. and you just do it, right? It's called making a list. So I'm always writing in general. So when it comes to This book, I wrote this retro causality and I was like, you know, I'm going to do like a little digital download because it's only going to be like maybe 60 or 70 pages, not a lot. And it was a guide. was guided, right? This is where I got that word guided from, because I recognize that a lot of people have difficulty when it comes to writing. A lot of people don't like to write due to probably learning disabilities is the number one. thing possibly. That's what I see today anyway. I knew that the statistics, and I don't know what they are now, but 95 % of the prisoners are illiterate. Maybe that's changed today, but I mean, that was pretty high back in the thousands. so I end up talking to my girlfriend on the phone because it had been the end of the school year and I was like, Now I have time, I can finish this retro causality. And then in the middle of that, because I love ancient history, I'm obsessed with Egypt, the Mesopotamia, the Fertile Crescent, because of the biblical scriptures and reading the Bible backwards, forwards, and memorizing so much, was always fascinated with the ancient history because you just, you're like, wow, I wonder what it would be like, right? And I was obsessed with the pyramids. And so I listened to a lot of different information on ancients and then I read things on the ancients. And so I said to my girlfriend, go, wouldn't that be funny? I go, I should write a journal on the phoenix. It was a complete joke. wasn't literal. But by the time I got off of the phone with her, I was like, ⁓ my God, I'm totally gonna write this. Right? And I literally sat down for the next probably four weeks and I was writing it up because it's just journal. So it's more like prompts the way that this book is. See, I have, ⁓ if you like to doodle, I don't know if you can see that. I can. You can see that. So I have a lot of graphics like that. So because when you journal, can, a lot of people like to color. And then the way that the book is set up, it has like, see, it's a tiny short little paragraph. I give you. a little dose of information. like this one's embracing the flames. So I talk about what embracing the flames is. And then I immediately give you work to do, because I'm a teacher. So I made these little boxes. So it's not as intimidating for lines. I mean, there are lines, but this is for extra notes. Anyway, so I go to sit down. And in the middle of that, I get a massive abscess and my face blows up. It's like the chipmunk. And my lips look like I was. overdone in both. So I'm freaking out because I was not at home. was at the river at the time and I'm like, ⁓ my God. So I take off with my sister and we go down to Mexico because I was having some dental work done. And then they're like, holy cow. So, you know, they give me some antibiotics and then they get a schedule and she takes a look at it. Then I go back home and then I have to go back a couple of weeks later and have a whole bunch of teeth work done. I'm still dealing with it. That's the aftermath of 2020 and 2021 when I couldn't get to my dentist, but once a year. And in the middle of that, was sick six different times. And then I had a sinus infections that came down into my gums. And then it attacked every, it just, it was terrible. So at any rate.
speaker-1: I want to ask you a question about that, about the guided journal. So I understand what you're talking about. You set it up to where there are prompts to stimulate people's thought process so they would write about whatever the prompt is suggesting. I'm curious. What? I'm curious. What's the outcome that you hope somebody will get from journaling in this fashion, using this guided journal? What's the outcome that you're hoping people will?
speaker-0: sitting right
speaker-1: Get from that. The benefit.
speaker-0: they're going to go through a transformation. I would say everybody should do this journal at least once only because it lays it out in a way to where the first two chapters are talking somewhat about the flames that you've already walked through. It's very individualized. I ask a question and then you're answering it based on, yeah, my husband died or You know, I got a divorce or I can't find a job. I mean, there's just a whole host of reasons why. In the back of the book, it also has all the resources for the 1-800 numbers nationally in case anybody needs those. It's very well thought out. It has a very much a nurturing, but also like you got to, you got to dig in here. And the farther that you dig, the more is going to come up.
speaker-1: Mm-hmm.
speaker-0: And it's going to shake your life, but your life is probably already shaking in the first place or you just came out of it. But now is the time to release all of that at the end of the book. It's soaring to new heights. has an action plan that helps you going forward after you're done with the book. I have master classes that I'm building right now. I'm starting the book club after the first of the year. I thought I was going to do it in late October and then I had more dental work to deal with. So it's just been a lot for me. And so after the first of the year, I think people will be a little bit more ready for it.
speaker-1: Mm-hmm.
speaker-0: So it's building community and what else are they gonna get out of it? They're gonna be able to sleep at night. They're gonna learn how to meditate. I have three separate types of visualizations in there. And then one of them is the vision board. And then you, I turn it over and give it to you guided and say, make your own visualization. And you might already be doing one, but this one is guided. it's like, don't, you know, make sure. that you add, you know, a mountain scene or an ocean scene or the scent of the flowers. I mean, it's very visual as far as being able to follow that so that you can have a good experience. It puts out smart goals. I have emotional check-ins at the end of every chapter. I teach you self-care practices in every chapter. I teach you to be grateful in every chapter. I have additional books if you want to learn more about consciousness, ancient history. I have negative and positive phrases in the back that are also there to help supplement if you don't have the words and you're trying to get out the type of emotion. Because if you just say, well, I'm, I'm, I'm just really mad. Well, are you really mad or are you lonely or are you jealous or right? It's, and once you become aware, that's what it is. You just busted half the spell with the awareness. That was a massive release. mean, that's the first thing you say when with the diction, right?
speaker-1: So you mentioned the word transformation earlier and then preparing for our conversation, I wrote a couple quotes of yours that I want you to speak on. And the first one is actually on your social media, your banner, your header, says transformation starts with a spark and erupts into flames. Speak about that.
speaker-0: Absolutely. I have come to a place through this transformation because what I'm going to say is the way that I look right now, the way that I talk, the way like because I had a couple teeth done. So I even talk different and like it's just, it's very strange. I lost a whole bunch of weight. The structure of my face changed. My hair started to get curly. I dress different. And obviously those are all exterior things, but each one of those is relevant to what was going on internally for me because I was carrying all my trauma. Right now I'm still going through rolfing. and blasting through the fascia to bust out all of the trauma because I mean if you heard my story from day one to now you would probably be surprised that I'm still here but I'm okay with it I recognize that all of that again I rewrote my history so as if when I talk about something from my past I'm actually not even feeling the emotions behind it as much as I'm just an observer it's like it's a third person that's over there I'm like I don't even know who that person is. It's that distinct. And writing the book in and of itself, my sister laughed at me and said, you are the phoenix rising out of the ashes because your whole world burning up right now. I was just like, yeah. So back to your question. ⁓ I walk around flickering lights and then when it gets turned on, then it turns into a roaring fire. ⁓
speaker-1: But what was the Because everything I'm hearing is sort of the other part of the code, the eruption. Like I'm hearing you talk about the eruption and the flames, but what was the spark for the eruption that started the transformation?
speaker-0: Talking about the first one or the one that happens to me on the daily?
speaker-1: You answer freely. Oh, you tell me.
speaker-0: I will give you a very, it's an understanding of a little bit of the trauma that I experienced, but it all turned out really good. So it's, and I'm okay. Like I don't recognize it as that trauma. Other people would, but I don't. ⁓ when I was, I just turned 15, I got pregnant. That was the same time where I was literally starting modeling classes. My mom was like, this is what you're going to do. We started modeling in junior high. Great. Super excited. I'm laying out that I'm going to be taking a trip to Europe pretty soon. I'm picking out and looking at different colleges. I'm more focused on like the arts, interior decorating, model, like all of that whole D Hollywood type of thought, probably more so just from what's been fed at me, right? And so I'm pregnant, right? Of course the guys don't want to have nothing to do with it.
speaker-1: Mm.
speaker-0: I find out and I tell my mother immediately and they're just like, okay, well, you know, what are you going to do? So was like, found out at three o'clock and probably by seven, eight o'clock that night, I knew exactly what I was going to do. Cause I just was like, I can't do this. So I told my parents, say, I am going to give it up for adoption. I said, I can't kill it. Cause that was what my upbringing was at the time. Today, I see things a little bit different. But that's a whole different subject. so then basically that immediately stopped the partying, stopped going out. Now I'm in this place where I'm horribly sick, right? I have horrible, horrible morning sickness. mean, just horrible. They had to take me to the doctor. I was so sick. And I'm 15. Like, if you're listening, look at your 15 year old daughter. And I can't even have a driver's license. I had just turned 15. I end up probably as soon as I finished the school year, then I took summer school, driving school, because they had it in school back then. And I was like about four and a half, five months pregnant. hiding it from everybody. Only like two of my friends knew because I was giving them up for adoption. It was like, don't tell anybody. And now of course I don't have the support from church, right? Can't go to church. So I would say that was probably one of the first that I can remember where this was a full blown. Like source literally went like this. You're going this way because I was on that track. to where it was like, these are all of the things that I'm going to do. And source went, no, you're not. And we're going to put you over here right now. I mean, I felt like Mary from, you know, Mary and Joseph at the time. Can you imagine? Immaculate conception. mean, there's, there's a lot to that story, but I was like, I can identify with this type of just raw, crazy emotion. I mean, and then on top of it, I was dealing with full on rejection, right? From the father. Then I'm not even, I can't have a relationship really with anybody. Although I did end up dating somebody during that and I am still friends with him today, ironically. And he's just been a really nice friend over the years. so with all of that, then when I gave birth that... that whole thing. Then of course, within probably a few months, then I attempted suicide, ended up in the emergency room. So it was a lot and I went to multiple schools. I did independent study, then I did alternative, then I went to a private, private all girls. And then, you know, just tried to be normal, but I knew that I wasn't. And at that point, after giving birth, I basically decided, you know what, I am, I'm an emancipated adult now and I can pretty much do what I want. And that's exactly what I did. I mean, my parents still tried to parent me, but I was off the chain, you know, but even in the midst of all of that, still, there was this sense of, can only go so far on like those things I'm not supposed to do. Like, Source was always there because I knew if I did something, bam, Source come in and, no, you can't do that.
speaker-1: Right.
speaker-0: You know, but I was just, I was on my bowl mode till I was about.
speaker-1: Here's another quote of yours I want you to speak about. And I think this one is from this afternoon. If I read correctly, it says, healing doesn't erase the past. It changes your relationship to it. Speak about that.
speaker-0: Well, I was speaking earlier about how I am in the observer mode. So during, it would have been around 2011, 2012. That's when I really had what a lot of people are experiencing right now from 2020 till now. A lot of people, what we call being activated and my energy doctor says it's through our DNA and that with this fascia, the fascia is a crystalline structure. And because of what I am doing, it's even activating it more to allow for full coherence with source. It's energetic is the best way that I can say it because spirituality and energy are the same thing. If people really read the books of the Bible, when Jesus is talking all the different things, I can see how they can refer to all of it as energy, whether it's the healing or any of it. Healing for me in about 2012, I went through Celebrate Recovery for emotional trauma. Although from back when I was pregnant, I had a social worker that I worked with because we went through a private adoption agency. And so I had a personal social worker and I could talk to her anytime that I wanted. That's how I ended up going into psychology and sociology for my degree. Do you see how the shift from I'm going to model, I'm going to do interior design, I'm going to go to the Brooks College. I mean, just all of that and overnight, my whole life changed. And then because of that, you know, just, it just, everything shifted. And so I got the degree in social work and psychology, got a degree for computers, certifications, and then went back ultimately for a teaching credential. And then all of the other things I've done in the middle of all of that. But when it comes to the healing in 2012, I went to Celebrate Recovery and they went through a workbook. It's through Saddleback Church, but I wasn't associated with that church. Anybody can use this, but it's in every neighborhood or community pretty much, at least in the United States. And they have a program for grief. So I could be with people that are dealing with grief. I could be dealing with people. that have sexual abuse. I could be dealing with people that have addictions. I didn't have addictions at the time. I quit everything when I, in like 19, I was sober for like 16 years. I never had a drinking problem really, but I did get in a lot of trouble drinking. ⁓ Not jail, just stupid decisions, right? And so in like 2012, I went through that program for two years and basically, through that you do the 12 steps like you do for AA or NA. And my girlfriend, she told me at the time, she says, because I go, don't know, is it really going to work? Is it going to, is something going to change? And she was like, yeah, she goes somewhere between like the eighth and seventh or eighth step and the 10th step. She goes, there's going to be some kind of a shift. Now, mind you, this is like, I did that program for two years. because it's considered ICU. And so you stay in there until you can become strong. Cause I, at the time I had lost a job, I almost lost my house. That's when that housing crisis really took off. We almost lost our house. We had to file bankruptcy. mean, my whole world just went. So of course I'm like, okay, it's time for me to purge again, right? Cause that's what I would always do starting when I was 15. That's when I started journaling. So I go into this with the sexual abuse. Just two months ago, maybe a month ago, I just did a testimony for my friend for Celebrate Recovery, for her group, because she said to me, I don't know anybody that a, come and speak on sexual abuse because people are so shamed by it. Well, I got my power back because when I did my amends, I recognized that I wasn't guilty. I was not guilty of what that person did to me. Prior to that, I was carrying all of it as if it was my own, which is why my shoulders were so heavy. You know, and I'm just going to save everybody.
speaker-1: Sandy, ⁓ you mentioned, I want to ask you before you go on, just for clarification, you mentioned a few times that the source had a different plan. What do you mean by the source? What are you referring to? Yeah, what are you referring to when you say that? What do you mean?
speaker-0: What is source? Well, I prefer to say that instead of God, because everybody, you know, is like, God, God, God. And I'm like, which one? Okay. As I look at it from all of the ancient, right, we have all the mythical gods, then depending on which religion you're talking about, you know, it's no, my God's the good God. No, my God's the good. There's only one. There's only one. ⁓
speaker-1: I just wanted to make sure I was making the proper assumption. That's what I thought you meant. I just wanted you to get a chance to clarify that. Hey, what's the, what's the biggest misconception that people tend to have about the work that you do, this spiritual intuitive sorts of work that you do? What's the biggest misconception?
speaker-0: sure that it's a misconceived, misconceived, hmm. I think maybe, and this is part of the purpose for the journal, because when you write everything out, when you admit maybe that you did something wrong, it's okay. When I did those amends, I'm not kidding you. I went full bore. Every single tiny little thing that I could think of that, ⁓ my God, I might've hurt that person's feelings. Holy cow, I need to let them know, I need to apologize. So I made amends with my parents. Not that there was anything like bad with it, just it was, there was more of an acknowledgement, a more of look, hey, this is my perception of how I felt growing up. You know, and of course both my parents know we love you. Yeah, well, but the thing is, is that I did not feel that because.
speaker-1: Move on your perception,
speaker-0: And it's okay. There's nothing wrong with me saying, hey, I didn't feel like I was loved by you. That's my perception. That's my truth. So every person has their perception and their truth. Well, why don't you get past whatever your perception or your truth is? Because your belief system is holding you back from being able to expand forward. You don't understand the power that comes with this. And maybe that's the reason why not everybody does it. Because it does come with a lot of power to where you can literally manipulate the energy around you and make things shift. And the only reason for that is because you figured out how to play the game. It's energy and you don't run around staying in low frequencies. If anybody would be interested. take a look at the book called The Map of Consciousness. And it has all of the levels of our frequencies. And so based on what your emotions are would determine where your frequencies are. And they're gonna fluctuate constantly. But have you ever been around somebody that's super bitter, super negative, and just like, you're like, my God, right?
speaker-1: I'm very sensitive to it if someone's around me like that. I can't be around. I've sorted out now how to block it. But before I even understood what it was, I'd be around these people and I would immediately get physically sick. I didn't know what it was. And now I know how to block it. And you know, incidentally, that's my question for you. There's a lot of weight that comes with this work that you do. How do you protect yourself from taking that on mentally, emotionally, spiritually? How do you protect yourself from that?
speaker-0: I still journal. ⁓ A lot of the journaling that I do is actually just on my phone. But part of this process, like I was saying with the Celebrate Recovery, but then again with other processes, because before I wrote this book, I did the 369 and then I wrote my own book, or did the Retrocausality. So between those two, that was a big burn and I did a ton of affirmations at the time. Now people will say affirmations don't do anything. You're absolutely right. They don't do anything. If you don't receive what it is. I had to reprogram myself and that's the whole transformation that is occurring from the visual to the book, to the master class. I mean, I literally have, I'm built for this. Plus I'm a Capricorn and Capricorns are leaders. I'm very determined, very motivated, and I will work 12 hours a day because I'm like, this has to be done. So I have conversations with source and I ask for assistance and guidance. I mean, right before this video, I had to go, I had to put some music on. Music is my number one thing to really bring me in. I do my own energy work. I use a lot of crystals. Not that the crystal really means anything. It's just, it's an energy source and I... can infuse whatever I want into everything that's going on. And so like, can go like this and I can just pull my energy up and I can swirl and I can feel that all the way in the tips of my toes. When I do that went through an activation for Kundalini that probably started 2013, 2012. Weird part about that was when I started going to my energy doctor about eight or nine years ago. He activated again and cleared it out. So there'd been like a five year gap where I was had this weird energy inside of me. And I was like, what is this? And then I started to figure out, was like, you know, I remember this from when I was young, like young, young, I remember it. And so there's all these activations that are occurring with me to where, and I can't think of anything because I've just processed so much. And then I just leave it. It just goes, but I had so many questions when I was young, nobody could answer them. And I sure as heck wasn't going to say it out loud because it would have sounded like I was crazy. Then come the nineties to the two thousands, all of the internet, holy cow, just flooding and reading and reading and reading because I'd been reading medical journals since I was like 12. Cause my whole family was in the medical industry. My mom had her doctorate in nursing, my grandmother, my aunt, my cousin. My sister, my other sister, my brother. I mean, it's just, there's a lot and people say, how come you weren't a nurse? And I was like, cause I wasn't good in math, but I ended up being a teacher and source said, ha ha, you're going to go learn all the math all the way up to trig and calculus. see literally every single thing that's in my life. If I avoided it, Oh no, it's coming back. No, you're going to have to learn how to do this now. And now I'm to a point where I can stand in my own power and no, no, not a belief. Not a doubt. Know who I am and where I'm from. And I don't mean from my parents. I mean, where was I before I got here? And who am I? And with that knowledge gives you keys to the universe. It really does. I can place a bubble around me, but then I can even go so far. worked with Dragon Energy for a while. And I told my friend that was teaching me it one day, said, why do we have to do this every day? Why can't I just tell the system to just continually run it? He just looked at me and I'm like, why not? And then, you know, when I get frustrated or like how I was frazzled, the music calmed down, do a little bit of energy, do some breathing. And then here I am. Right. I protect myself when I go into Walmart, that's, you know, or any crowded, any crowded places is really. You understand what I mean?
speaker-1: Of course. So from the short excerpts of your writing that I've looked over, your writing style seems to have a calmness to it, but also a sharpness, like it's meant to wake people up gently. How do you balance compassion with truth telling?
speaker-0: It very much is, like I said earlier, like I have the emotional check-ins and then throughout each chapter, I have affirmations and then I also have time to reflect. And that's a moment where you're supposed to just stop if I look at here for a second. When you see the stars throughout the journal, take a moment to pause and reflect on the significance that they hold. Each star represents a moment of insight. a breakthrough or a memory worth cherishing. They serve as a reminder to appreciate the journey, celebrate the small victories, and acknowledge the growth that has taken place. By taking a moment to reflect, you can gain a deeper understanding of your experiences and the lessons learned along the way. This practice not only enriches your relationship with the journal, but also enhances your mindfulness and gratitude. for life's intricate tapestry. And then on the next page, I immediately go, what are your current thoughts? And then I have little happy faces down at the bottom. And so you're supposed to tell me how you feel right now. And this is the beginning of the book. So then at the end of the book, ⁓ it asks it again, and hopefully it's maybe different. But some people may be lying to themselves at the beginning of the book, and then maybe by the end, then they will actually open up. to themselves a little bit more. And I have a time to reflect. says, like, illuminate your path with joy. And so it's just a sweet little reminder. And it has a little star. don't know can see that. It has a little star. So I just have all of these beautiful little graphics. It's time to reflect to celebrate every little spark. And then the next page talks about sparking your creativity.
speaker-1: cons.
speaker-0: and exploring. So describe a vivid dream you experience, whether asleep or awake and transform it into a detailed story and see what happened in your dream. See, I don't have anything to do with this dream. This is your dream. I'm just guiding you through this process. If I give you the techniques for self discovery, you've got yourself in a peaceful setting, taking the self care practices, drink fresh water. absorb rays of sunshine, ground barefoot, light candles and meditate. Listen to music, sing and dance, breathing exercises, watch a comedy. I also don't really watch TV. Stranger Things is on and I'm going to finish that up and then I don't know what's going to happen after. There isn't anything on the TV that's really worth.
speaker-1: Let me ask you this about your writing. you feel your books are written by you or through you?
speaker-0: This book was 100 % written by source and at the beginning of the book it's dedicated to divine spirit. ⁓
speaker-1: you fuck. Go ahead. Go ahead.
speaker-0: When I was writing it and I'd get really frustrated because I'd be like, oh, I don't know what to do in this place. Which way do you want me to go? I would stop, literally. I would get up away from the computer and I would go do something else and I would have a conversation with Source and then I would do some energy work and be like, okay, which way do you want me to go here? And then I will do that. And that's the agreement. When I say... You know, there's a lot of things in life we don't want to do, right? And then there's a lot of things that we do. Well, the question is, are the things that we want to do good for us or not? I mean, obviously everything is good to a point because ultimately anything that's bad supposedly could be turned into something good. I mean, that's just the definition of my life. It's something bad happens and then something good comes out of it. Something bad happens. then something good comes out of it. And I learned not to ask why, not until a lot later when I knew like, why, why does this or why is that? And now what my energy doctor is actually teaching me is he said, you need to learn these five words. Do you do not need or so six words, you do not need to understand. You don't need to understand. You do not need to understand. Cause he's like, minute that you start asking that, like when I'm saying, well, what about this? Cause he cleared some energy. He's like, why are you talking about that? He's like, I just cleared it from you. You're bringing it back. Stop trying to understand what it is. Let it go. And for me, that's really, really hard.
speaker-1: Do you think you're trying to understand it because in understanding you can let it go? Maybe you can't let it go because not understanding it feels unresolved for you. Is that possible?
speaker-0: Absolutely. It's probably 100 % the reason why, because I want to know everything about everything. And Source knows that about me. But when it comes to like clearing debris and negativity, he's like, you don't need to understand with that. You see what I mean? Like don't put the focus on negative. Keep the positive.
speaker-1: Well, let me ask it this way. Here's where I'm going with it. When I hear what you just said, understanding, I'm thinking you, understanding you and whatever the negative thing is, understanding you, why you did it, why you did what, or why you took the action. Because in understanding that, now you know to recognize it in the future so you don't do it, to even get stuck. So I don't mean understand it, the general sense. I mean understand yourself, like your source, so to speak.
speaker-0: Right, right. And I get that. it's, I think what he was actually trying to convey to me, because he knows how I am. He's been working with me. We go and eat lunch together. We go hang out. This is not like, you know, somebody that I don't know. I am friends with his wife. Like, you know, I call her up on a Saturday and be like, hey, what's going on? So he knows me and he knows how the darker energy works is what I'm going to say. And so he is basically saying, and he's getting this information from people that are top notch in the energy field with their experiences. mean, they is friends with people who like literally are capable of healing people like now, right? Like he goes, this particular gentleman. Every single person that he's ever come across, he healed. However, I guess the gentleman went to India and he was not able to heal anybody. And so he came back and then it was like, what is going on? You know, why is this happening? And so then he had to go through his thing and out of that came, you don't need to understand.
speaker-1: In the work that you've been doing, what is something that has surprised you the most? think
speaker-0: At the different points, and it's happened a lot as I was processing and burning this through because this, this has been going on. I wrote this book, started it. That conversation was June 18th of not this June. just had the June before that. And so this whole time, and then even prior to that book, was like, that was, the book was almost like a rebirth in and of itself.
speaker-1: I
speaker-0: After a crash and burn and then I turn around and then I was going through all of these other like smaller ones had multiple ego deaths. That is not easy. And then you have to literally act like everything's fine going through an ego. You can't act like everything's fine. You're losing your mind. Everything is delulu. People don't understand you. You're freaking out. You're like hyper sad or you're hyper excited or you know, there's just, there's all this. going on. I mean, I did a fast track of learning all kinds of crystals and showed up at Gemworld and Quartzite. And I was like, holy cow, I can't believe I know all of these crystals. You know what I'm saying? Because the data dumps were coming in so fast, but I've always been able to just know as one of the spiritual gifts would be a clear cog. I mean, I've always had that ability. So when you asked about that earlier, how did you know? I didn't know, but I knew like looking hindsight. can see all gifts. can see everything. was just the last one kind of threw me with the Kundalini because that's intense. Extremely intense. I don't know how some people do it where they do like spontaneous. Holy cow. I don't, don't think I, don't know. I I'm like, I'm going to describe myself as a slow burn.
speaker-1: Is there a belief you had before you started writing the book that you no longer had after you completed the book? What's your favorite? Or the most profound?
speaker-0: I'm sure there's a few. think it's going to be that the frequency and talking about the duality of things and seeing how, okay, owning up and recognizing that every single thing that has gone on in my life, I agreed to it and I created it. And it doesn't, I'm not even, I'm talking even about the negative over here when I was a little girl and people doing things. Somehow, some way I created that. for a greater purpose. Now people are going to be like, no, but, but, but you haven't dealt with your trauma. When you get to the level of understanding and release of something that was done to you that was very, very hurtful. I attribute pregnant at 15 because of that, because there were other things that were going on at the same time that the sexual abuse was going on because it was like a snowball. And my parents couldn't understand what was going on with me. And they didn't find out because we didn't tell anybody until we were in junior high, pivotal time hitting puberty. And, ⁓ by the way, I, you know, was sexually abused by the, neighbor, you know? And then there's like all these people involved. And then he ends up going to prison for a year and never got charged for what he did to us. He went because he was doing it right then to somebody else. And so, you know, living with those kinds of things and going, where's the justice in that? But recognizing, cause I went down different learning modalities and apparently I created all of this for some type of a lesson to where I'm at today. Because if those things never would have happened, I wouldn't be here today. I would be on some easy street, you know, there's a lot of people out there. They're just cruising. They're just Cruising and I'm like over here and everything's on fire and I'm throwing fireballs over there to keep that away You know, and there's a whole bunch of me running around, you know We're holding up the energy force of the entire grid. That is a huge responsibility
speaker-1: Let me ask you something. Is there anything that you are actively healing or working on right now that the audience may be surprised to find out or might not expect? You mentioned earlier that you were buzzing and you're on fire and there were lots of things happening in the last few days. What's... so...
speaker-0: What am I healing right now? So, so in the last few days, because I want to say on, yeah, I think it was yesterday, because yesterday was a 12 hour day. And I was losing my mind because I was just like, I have all this, you know, incoming over here. It's like, need to go to the grocery store. I need to cook dinner. I write all those, those like normal things that you need to do. Thankful. I have somebody that will do that and take care of me because he knows I'm very busy and he's hungry too. So. I'm very thankful for that. yesterday I was so upset and then I went, I forgot. I don't have to be mad about this. I don't have to be stressed out about any of it. What am I doing to myself? I mean, it just went, and then I said, I'm not gonna do anything right now. I'm just gonna sit here, I'm gonna meditate, I'm gonna listen to some music and I'm gonna get back to what I need to do when I get back to it. I'm the one in charge here. Nobody's gonna tell me. You know what I'm saying? There's like this other thing that's over here in the back of your head going, you got to go like this and just keep going, going, going. And I'm like, you know what? I'm not doing that. No, this is, that's not how this is supposed to be. I'm supposed to be down here a little bit. And I know like for me, just in general, I'm already like 10 notches above everybody else. Like me talking right now, this is normal. This is not, you're not even getting me started right here. And I'm super excited to be here. I'm excited to talk to you and express these things out into the world because this is my frequency. This is going to be a ripple across the universe right now. And I am finally in a place right now. So yeah, I'm to be super excited about it because I did it. People underestimated me my whole life. I mean, all of those things in high school, how did I end up getting a college degree? I shouldn't have gotten a college degree. That should have never happened. You know, but I am always a little bit on the rough around the edges. Cause I'm just not going to take it. And I just, I I'm sick of people's excuses. I'm like, it's not that way. So this journal, the way that I set it up, like you said earlier, I am carrying through the whole thing, but I might kick you in the butt a little bit. You know why? Because you need it. Cause I'm trying to tell you once you get through this.
speaker-1: It's helpful.
speaker-0: You know, the only thing that's stopping them is fear and fear is, you know, it's an illusion. There is no such thing as fear and anywhere outside of the realm that we live in right now, it doesn't exist. This is the playground for fear, for hate, for anger. You don't get this when you go to heaven. That's not happening. That's not the program. This matrix mathematical construct that we're in That's not how it works. This is a construct of duality and our purpose. And I think that it's not everybody. There's only, you know, so many of us. It is a limited edition, I guess, because we are rare and we are different. And we stand out in the crowd because we're a big beacon of light that's shining bright onto the darkness. And the darkness does not like us because we're like, you know. Pull in the covers and they don't like it. If you look at what is going on politically in this country right now, the health of this country, mean, you know, there's a little smirk over here on the side going, I've been telling you this stuff for 20 years and I can't believe that it's on the five o'clock news. I'm completely stunned. I don't watch the news anymore. It really irritates my soul because I know they're lying and they're not, and even if they're telling a truth, they're not telling. enough of the truth for people to really grasp what's going on. And it's an indoctrination program that I don't want to be part of anymore. And so I have to just walk away from it, but it's difficult if you're on social media, obviously you're going to come across it and you're going to see little pieces. And so I decided that the only conspiracy theories that aren't conspiracy theories anymore is going to be dealing with food. which is a huge problem, the GMOs and all of that kind of stuff. And I have a memory like an elephant that remembers a lot of what they told us back in the nineties about GMOs, how it was going to save the world, humanity, and that everybody would not be hungry. And that's not the way it is today. And instead we have this ridiculous amount of illness and most chronic sickness for children ever. And people are questioning that and thinking that's normal. No, not buying it, not buying it at all. So I will stick with the food that I will stick with that. will follow that and I will follow what's going on with the vaccines because I lived the damage in more ways than one and you know, people have died because of it. ⁓
speaker-1: Well, San Diaz, we wrap up. Any final words for the audience? How can they get the journal? How can they get Spirit Night, the book? Please share. How can people connect with you and get the product?
speaker-0: Well, I have a website. It's called spiritknight.co. Not dot com. Spirit Knight with a K. .co. And it has the links for the book. It also has merchandise on there. I'm still tweaking that and it's all USA products. And you can also just get the book on Amazon. And so if somebody wants to reach out, I think I put in there my email. info at spirit night.co. And there's also, if you go to the website, you can send it through there too.
speaker-1: Well, Sandy, thank you so much for meeting me. Thank you for coming on BTS. I really enjoyed our conversation and I wish you the best in the future.
speaker-0: Wonderful. It was a pleasure. Thank you. Thank you to the guests for listening. Have a beautiful night.
speaker-1: Thank ⁓
speaker-0: oooo
speaker-1: the story
speaker-0: you
speaker-1: Welcome to Behind the Story with me, Jelani Gonzalez. Today's guest is someone whose work is beyond writing, beyond coaching, and beyond the typical conversations we hear about healing and intuition. I'm joined by Sandy Knight, author, spiritual intuitive, and the creator of Spirit Knight, a platform dedicated to guiding people back to clarity, grounding, and their own inner truth. Sandy's journey is one of those rare stories when the personal evolution becomes the mission. This episode is about growth, self-awareness, and what happens when someone finally decides to trust a voice within. Let's get into it. Sandy, welcome to BTS. Thanks for being here. I'm doing great. Thank you for asking. Very kind of you to ask. So for the people who are listening for the first time, who may not know exactly who you are, go ahead and introduce yourself to the audience.
speaker-0: Hey, how are you? Sandy Knight. I'm the creator of something called Phoenix Rising Guided Journal for Your Renewal. So it's a guided journal, different than just an open blank pages that you have to write. And I'm also the founder of Spirit Night Ventures. For about the last 20 years, I've been a teacher. I had different stints. I would take a few years off and then I would go back and ⁓ I was raising my family at the time. So teaching was perfect for me. I'm also a writer. And I'm somebody who has walked through a lot of fire to find my voice. This podcast is called Behind the Story because that's exactly what I want to share. Not just the polished pieces, but it's the truth behind the work, the breakdowns that happened quite often that shaped all of this and the vision that keeps it alive. What I've created is not just a journal. It's a blueprint for people. who are going through transformation. Those moments where a free thing falls apart and this is when something real can actually rise.
speaker-1: Thank you for that. you were talking, first question popped into my head. You mentioned Phoenix Rising and Spirit Night. Before Spirit Night, who was Sandy Knight?
speaker-0: Well, I came into this world six weeks early, tried to come even earlier than that, born just under five pounds. So I slept a lot, but I came in with a lot of energy, movement, disruption, and urgency. My mom had already been five centimeters dilated for a month with twins. She was bedridden and she was raising four other children. They had to borrow my grandmother's car because on the way, and then on the way to the hospital, my grandma's car broke down in an industrial area on Christmas day. Wow. And this was a long time. This is back in the seventies. So there was nothing around. know, everything was closed. and so my mom was in the back ready to give birth to twins in the back of the car. And there was a limousine on Christmas day. A nice gentleman decided to take his girlfriend out for a limo ride on Christmas day and ended up taking my mom and my dad to the hospital. And then an hour later, my sister and I were both born. So. That's how I entered this world, early, unexpected, through obstacles and never alone, and always protected by something just beyond logic. And so like, I was fortunate because I always had my sister. She was always there. So that basically, that whole situation with my sister, probably before the age of three, my sister wouldn't talk. She would talk to me and then I would have to translate it. to everybody else. would be considered the stronger of the two because when she was born, she was born with lung problems and then she ended up, you know, obviously being okay, but she did always have mild lung issues. So that's...
speaker-1: When you look back at your childhood and think about where you are now, obviously it's a long journey, was there any early signs that you could reflect back on upon now that showed you that this would be the path you would follow, this intuitive spiritual path that you're currently on?
speaker-0: My upbringing was Christian from day one. So I was very involved in the church growing up, memorizing verses, you know, being taught love, being taught all of these things. I do remember with that teaching, then there's an expectation of how you should behave, how you should act. And I remember from a very young age observing the adults and paying attention to what was going on around me with the different children that were my friends, their behavior, their parents' behavior. And I didn't necessarily see what was being taught in the Bible. So that always made me question a lot of things. But for myself, I knew that I had to be very, you know, pure. When I was in fourth grade, everybody was wearing jeans. You know, my sister wanted her Jordache jeans for Christmas. I wanted a doll and I refused to wear jeans because my grandma... told me that a girl shouldn't be wearing jeans. my grandmother, think because I spent a lot of time with her because I was sick when I was an infant, not like bad sick, just I would throw up all the time. My stomach was very annoyed. And so I spent a lot of time with my grandma because I would be throwing up all the time. So my sister, everybody would be able to enjoy hanging out with her, but I would because I was throwing up all the time, people didn't want to necessarily hold me, I guess. But I developed this very close relationship with my grandmother to the point where when she passed, I was very extremely heartbroken. I think I was like 20 at the time, 21, just trying to graduate from college. And I ended up not because I took incompletes, because I just was like... a mess. It was like two months before I was supposed to graduate and I was doing an internship at a senior center and I was like, I can't go in there right now. Like I am so not being able to hold it together. ⁓ I ditched school for three weeks because I just couldn't take it. You know, like I was hurting so much inside. was like the one person that I knew loved me was gone. And I'm not saying that my parents didn't love me or my brothers and sisters. It wasn't that there was, it's when you ask, did you have this feeling? I had a feeling my whole life that I didn't belong in the family that I was in. I was so desperate to try and fit in and yet at the same time, I would do these strange things like, no, I'm not going to wear jeans. Where everybody else in the crowd is following those steps. And to this day, she's still in a lot of ways does that. So I'm very different when it comes to things like that. And yet at the same time, I was very much a rebel. So, but it was because I would push up against whatever the mainstream narrative was. And all of those questions were valid, but it wasn't until much later, probably closer to late 90s. Not that I wasn't questioning a lot of different things, spirituality, I went down like the full Pentecostal, you know. tongues and speaking in tongues and all of this and learning about healing. So in that whole process, like I had noticed that you said you have a supplement company wall because of my grandmother who would take like 30 different pills every day. And I saw that day after day after day, I started to have minimal little health issues here and there. So I decided I was going to be using supplements instead of the mainstream because when I was younger, I was allergic to different things that they would give me such as different antibiotics or I had blood sugar issues. So I really had to focus on certain ways of eating, you know, it just, was instilled in me from a very young age that I need to take care of myself. I was very sensitive and always paying attention and different doctors like chiropractors or what have you, they would all say, You are really in tune with your body. You know what's going on with your body. Cause I'll be like, well, this section. And then I'll be like, well, this is connected to the emotional da da da da da, or it's a deficiency in, you know what I mean? So it's just, it's been a very much ongoing and on top of it, I'm very much a researcher from everything. And I will look at everything. I was taught the mainstream. So then I'm going to go to the other side of it, which that plays into the duality of the realm that we live in. So. then it's getting to that point with the spiritual side to that center between the balance of the two without going too far to one side or to the other. And then also recognizing that everything is energy at its core. And that's where I'm at now. So when it comes to even spirituality, spirituality is scientific at its smallest pieces. When you look at the system that we live in, the vessels that we have, understanding the ether, the atmosphere and the different components on the periodic table to where everything at its core is energy. And then it even points right back to the very beginning when in Genesis it says, let there be light. Well, that means that this was all darkness. And the only reason why it isn't is because of the light. So it's been a very, very interesting journey. And I traveled a lot of road.
speaker-1: Let me ask you this, a lot of people are called to spiritual work, few actually answer the call. What was the moment or I would say the experience that made you say, I can't ignore this anymore. This is what I have to do.
speaker-0: Well, because I wrote the book, Phoenix Rising, correct? And if you don't know what the Phoenix is, it's the mythological bird that came out of the ancient Mesopotamian. But every culture actually has a symbol of the Phoenix, whether people realize it or not. But the Phoenix was the first one. So in native, it could be the Thunderbird, it's the eagle, it's the peacock, it's the dragon. every culture basically grasped on to that same concept because the phoenix, it's a cycle which we live. Everything has a cycle of birth and death, which means if we leave here, that means that we're going to rise and be rebirthed somewhere else. And also because energy is never destroyed and we know that we're energy beings. So we are energy and spiritual beings before we are physical beings.
speaker-1: How did writing become part of your spiritual identity? ⁓ release maybe?
speaker-0: basically had written, I had started writing another book about six months before I came up with the idea of The Phoenix Rising. And it was on retro causality. And basically what that is, is writing your past in the present tense and you can change it to whatever you want it to be. And then what happens because we are energy beings, because it's all about frequencies, and your brain doesn't know the difference between your imagination and the truth, you can rewrite your history in present now, which I did during that whole process. That was like the buildup. So I think that that may have been one of those burns, right, for me, where I was just burning it down, but it's an internal burn more so than it is like an external. Although it does show up in the 3D, it can. stopped the job that I was at. And so I was off for the summer because I taught. so, and I have a tendency during the summer when I don't have all that busy, busy, because when you're a teacher, you're very busy all the time. Like I am right now. I'm like 12 hour days at the moment because we're ending the semester. and you just do it, right? It's called making a list. So I'm always writing in general. So when it comes to This book, I wrote this retro causality and I was like, you know, I'm going to do like a little digital download because it's only going to be like maybe 60 or 70 pages, not a lot. And it was a guide. was guided, right? This is where I got that word guided from, because I recognize that a lot of people have difficulty when it comes to writing. A lot of people don't like to write due to probably learning disabilities is the number one. thing possibly. That's what I see today anyway. I knew that the statistics, and I don't know what they are now, but 95 % of the prisoners are illiterate. Maybe that's changed today, but I mean, that was pretty high back in the thousands. so I end up talking to my girlfriend on the phone because it had been the end of the school year and I was like, Now I have time, I can finish this retro causality. And then in the middle of that, because I love ancient history, I'm obsessed with Egypt, the Mesopotamia, the Fertile Crescent, because of the biblical scriptures and reading the Bible backwards, forwards, and memorizing so much, was always fascinated with the ancient history because you just, you're like, wow, I wonder what it would be like, right? And I was obsessed with the pyramids. And so I listened to a lot of different information on ancients and then I read things on the ancients. And so I said to my girlfriend, go, wouldn't that be funny? I go, I should write a journal on the phoenix. It was a complete joke. wasn't literal. But by the time I got off of the phone with her, I was like, ⁓ my God, I'm totally gonna write this. Right? And I literally sat down for the next probably four weeks and I was writing it up because it's just journal. So it's more like prompts the way that this book is. See, I have, ⁓ if you like to doodle, I don't know if you can see that. I can. You can see that. So I have a lot of graphics like that. So because when you journal, can, a lot of people like to color. And then the way that the book is set up, it has like, see, it's a tiny short little paragraph. I give you. a little dose of information. like this one's embracing the flames. So I talk about what embracing the flames is. And then I immediately give you work to do, because I'm a teacher. So I made these little boxes. So it's not as intimidating for lines. I mean, there are lines, but this is for extra notes. Anyway, so I go to sit down. And in the middle of that, I get a massive abscess and my face blows up. It's like the chipmunk. And my lips look like I was. overdone in both. So I'm freaking out because I was not at home. was at the river at the time and I'm like, ⁓ my God. So I take off with my sister and we go down to Mexico because I was having some dental work done. And then they're like, holy cow. So, you know, they give me some antibiotics and then they get a schedule and she takes a look at it. Then I go back home and then I have to go back a couple of weeks later and have a whole bunch of teeth work done. I'm still dealing with it. That's the aftermath of 2020 and 2021 when I couldn't get to my dentist, but once a year. And in the middle of that, was sick six different times. And then I had a sinus infections that came down into my gums. And then it attacked every, it just, it was terrible. So at any rate.
speaker-1: I want to ask you a question about that, about the guided journal. So I understand what you're talking about. You set it up to where there are prompts to stimulate people's thought process so they would write about whatever the prompt is suggesting. I'm curious. What? I'm curious. What's the outcome that you hope somebody will get from journaling in this fashion, using this guided journal? What's the outcome that you're hoping people will?
speaker-0: sitting right
speaker-1: Get from that. The benefit.
speaker-0: they're going to go through a transformation. I would say everybody should do this journal at least once only because it lays it out in a way to where the first two chapters are talking somewhat about the flames that you've already walked through. It's very individualized. I ask a question and then you're answering it based on, yeah, my husband died or You know, I got a divorce or I can't find a job. I mean, there's just a whole host of reasons why. In the back of the book, it also has all the resources for the 1-800 numbers nationally in case anybody needs those. It's very well thought out. It has a very much a nurturing, but also like you got to, you got to dig in here. And the farther that you dig, the more is going to come up.
speaker-1: Mm-hmm.
speaker-0: And it's going to shake your life, but your life is probably already shaking in the first place or you just came out of it. But now is the time to release all of that at the end of the book. It's soaring to new heights. has an action plan that helps you going forward after you're done with the book. I have master classes that I'm building right now. I'm starting the book club after the first of the year. I thought I was going to do it in late October and then I had more dental work to deal with. So it's just been a lot for me. And so after the first of the year, I think people will be a little bit more ready for it.
speaker-1: Mm-hmm.
speaker-0: So it's building community and what else are they gonna get out of it? They're gonna be able to sleep at night. They're gonna learn how to meditate. I have three separate types of visualizations in there. And then one of them is the vision board. And then you, I turn it over and give it to you guided and say, make your own visualization. And you might already be doing one, but this one is guided. it's like, don't, you know, make sure. that you add, you know, a mountain scene or an ocean scene or the scent of the flowers. I mean, it's very visual as far as being able to follow that so that you can have a good experience. It puts out smart goals. I have emotional check-ins at the end of every chapter. I teach you self-care practices in every chapter. I teach you to be grateful in every chapter. I have additional books if you want to learn more about consciousness, ancient history. I have negative and positive phrases in the back that are also there to help supplement if you don't have the words and you're trying to get out the type of emotion. Because if you just say, well, I'm, I'm, I'm just really mad. Well, are you really mad or are you lonely or are you jealous or right? It's, and once you become aware, that's what it is. You just busted half the spell with the awareness. That was a massive release. mean, that's the first thing you say when with the diction, right?
speaker-1: So you mentioned the word transformation earlier and then preparing for our conversation, I wrote a couple quotes of yours that I want you to speak on. And the first one is actually on your social media, your banner, your header, says transformation starts with a spark and erupts into flames. Speak about that.
speaker-0: Absolutely. I have come to a place through this transformation because what I'm going to say is the way that I look right now, the way that I talk, the way like because I had a couple teeth done. So I even talk different and like it's just, it's very strange. I lost a whole bunch of weight. The structure of my face changed. My hair started to get curly. I dress different. And obviously those are all exterior things, but each one of those is relevant to what was going on internally for me because I was carrying all my trauma. Right now I'm still going through rolfing. and blasting through the fascia to bust out all of the trauma because I mean if you heard my story from day one to now you would probably be surprised that I'm still here but I'm okay with it I recognize that all of that again I rewrote my history so as if when I talk about something from my past I'm actually not even feeling the emotions behind it as much as I'm just an observer it's like it's a third person that's over there I'm like I don't even know who that person is. It's that distinct. And writing the book in and of itself, my sister laughed at me and said, you are the phoenix rising out of the ashes because your whole world burning up right now. I was just like, yeah. So back to your question. ⁓ I walk around flickering lights and then when it gets turned on, then it turns into a roaring fire. ⁓
speaker-1: But what was the Because everything I'm hearing is sort of the other part of the code, the eruption. Like I'm hearing you talk about the eruption and the flames, but what was the spark for the eruption that started the transformation?
speaker-0: Talking about the first one or the one that happens to me on the daily?
speaker-1: You answer freely. Oh, you tell me.
speaker-0: I will give you a very, it's an understanding of a little bit of the trauma that I experienced, but it all turned out really good. So it's, and I'm okay. Like I don't recognize it as that trauma. Other people would, but I don't. ⁓ when I was, I just turned 15, I got pregnant. That was the same time where I was literally starting modeling classes. My mom was like, this is what you're going to do. We started modeling in junior high. Great. Super excited. I'm laying out that I'm going to be taking a trip to Europe pretty soon. I'm picking out and looking at different colleges. I'm more focused on like the arts, interior decorating, model, like all of that whole D Hollywood type of thought, probably more so just from what's been fed at me, right? And so I'm pregnant, right? Of course the guys don't want to have nothing to do with it.
speaker-1: Mm.
speaker-0: I find out and I tell my mother immediately and they're just like, okay, well, you know, what are you going to do? So was like, found out at three o'clock and probably by seven, eight o'clock that night, I knew exactly what I was going to do. Cause I just was like, I can't do this. So I told my parents, say, I am going to give it up for adoption. I said, I can't kill it. Cause that was what my upbringing was at the time. Today, I see things a little bit different. But that's a whole different subject. so then basically that immediately stopped the partying, stopped going out. Now I'm in this place where I'm horribly sick, right? I have horrible, horrible morning sickness. mean, just horrible. They had to take me to the doctor. I was so sick. And I'm 15. Like, if you're listening, look at your 15 year old daughter. And I can't even have a driver's license. I had just turned 15. I end up probably as soon as I finished the school year, then I took summer school, driving school, because they had it in school back then. And I was like about four and a half, five months pregnant. hiding it from everybody. Only like two of my friends knew because I was giving them up for adoption. It was like, don't tell anybody. And now of course I don't have the support from church, right? Can't go to church. So I would say that was probably one of the first that I can remember where this was a full blown. Like source literally went like this. You're going this way because I was on that track. to where it was like, these are all of the things that I'm going to do. And source went, no, you're not. And we're going to put you over here right now. I mean, I felt like Mary from, you know, Mary and Joseph at the time. Can you imagine? Immaculate conception. mean, there's, there's a lot to that story, but I was like, I can identify with this type of just raw, crazy emotion. I mean, and then on top of it, I was dealing with full on rejection, right? From the father. Then I'm not even, I can't have a relationship really with anybody. Although I did end up dating somebody during that and I am still friends with him today, ironically. And he's just been a really nice friend over the years. so with all of that, then when I gave birth that... that whole thing. Then of course, within probably a few months, then I attempted suicide, ended up in the emergency room. So it was a lot and I went to multiple schools. I did independent study, then I did alternative, then I went to a private, private all girls. And then, you know, just tried to be normal, but I knew that I wasn't. And at that point, after giving birth, I basically decided, you know what, I am, I'm an emancipated adult now and I can pretty much do what I want. And that's exactly what I did. I mean, my parents still tried to parent me, but I was off the chain, you know, but even in the midst of all of that, still, there was this sense of, can only go so far on like those things I'm not supposed to do. Like, Source was always there because I knew if I did something, bam, Source come in and, no, you can't do that.
speaker-1: Right.
speaker-0: You know, but I was just, I was on my bowl mode till I was about.
speaker-1: Here's another quote of yours I want you to speak about. And I think this one is from this afternoon. If I read correctly, it says, healing doesn't erase the past. It changes your relationship to it. Speak about that.
speaker-0: Well, I was speaking earlier about how I am in the observer mode. So during, it would have been around 2011, 2012. That's when I really had what a lot of people are experiencing right now from 2020 till now. A lot of people, what we call being activated and my energy doctor says it's through our DNA and that with this fascia, the fascia is a crystalline structure. And because of what I am doing, it's even activating it more to allow for full coherence with source. It's energetic is the best way that I can say it because spirituality and energy are the same thing. If people really read the books of the Bible, when Jesus is talking all the different things, I can see how they can refer to all of it as energy, whether it's the healing or any of it. Healing for me in about 2012, I went through Celebrate Recovery for emotional trauma. Although from back when I was pregnant, I had a social worker that I worked with because we went through a private adoption agency. And so I had a personal social worker and I could talk to her anytime that I wanted. That's how I ended up going into psychology and sociology for my degree. Do you see how the shift from I'm going to model, I'm going to do interior design, I'm going to go to the Brooks College. I mean, just all of that and overnight, my whole life changed. And then because of that, you know, just, it just, everything shifted. And so I got the degree in social work and psychology, got a degree for computers, certifications, and then went back ultimately for a teaching credential. And then all of the other things I've done in the middle of all of that. But when it comes to the healing in 2012, I went to Celebrate Recovery and they went through a workbook. It's through Saddleback Church, but I wasn't associated with that church. Anybody can use this, but it's in every neighborhood or community pretty much, at least in the United States. And they have a program for grief. So I could be with people that are dealing with grief. I could be dealing with people. that have sexual abuse. I could be dealing with people that have addictions. I didn't have addictions at the time. I quit everything when I, in like 19, I was sober for like 16 years. I never had a drinking problem really, but I did get in a lot of trouble drinking. ⁓ Not jail, just stupid decisions, right? And so in like 2012, I went through that program for two years and basically, through that you do the 12 steps like you do for AA or NA. And my girlfriend, she told me at the time, she says, because I go, don't know, is it really going to work? Is it going to, is something going to change? And she was like, yeah, she goes somewhere between like the eighth and seventh or eighth step and the 10th step. She goes, there's going to be some kind of a shift. Now, mind you, this is like, I did that program for two years. because it's considered ICU. And so you stay in there until you can become strong. Cause I, at the time I had lost a job, I almost lost my house. That's when that housing crisis really took off. We almost lost our house. We had to file bankruptcy. mean, my whole world just went. So of course I'm like, okay, it's time for me to purge again, right? Cause that's what I would always do starting when I was 15. That's when I started journaling. So I go into this with the sexual abuse. Just two months ago, maybe a month ago, I just did a testimony for my friend for Celebrate Recovery, for her group, because she said to me, I don't know anybody that a, come and speak on sexual abuse because people are so shamed by it. Well, I got my power back because when I did my amends, I recognized that I wasn't guilty. I was not guilty of what that person did to me. Prior to that, I was carrying all of it as if it was my own, which is why my shoulders were so heavy. You know, and I'm just going to save everybody.
speaker-1: Sandy, ⁓ you mentioned, I want to ask you before you go on, just for clarification, you mentioned a few times that the source had a different plan. What do you mean by the source? What are you referring to? Yeah, what are you referring to when you say that? What do you mean?
speaker-0: What is source? Well, I prefer to say that instead of God, because everybody, you know, is like, God, God, God. And I'm like, which one? Okay. As I look at it from all of the ancient, right, we have all the mythical gods, then depending on which religion you're talking about, you know, it's no, my God's the good God. No, my God's the good. There's only one. There's only one. ⁓
speaker-1: I just wanted to make sure I was making the proper assumption. That's what I thought you meant. I just wanted you to get a chance to clarify that. Hey, what's the, what's the biggest misconception that people tend to have about the work that you do, this spiritual intuitive sorts of work that you do? What's the biggest misconception?
speaker-0: sure that it's a misconceived, misconceived, hmm. I think maybe, and this is part of the purpose for the journal, because when you write everything out, when you admit maybe that you did something wrong, it's okay. When I did those amends, I'm not kidding you. I went full bore. Every single tiny little thing that I could think of that, ⁓ my God, I might've hurt that person's feelings. Holy cow, I need to let them know, I need to apologize. So I made amends with my parents. Not that there was anything like bad with it, just it was, there was more of an acknowledgement, a more of look, hey, this is my perception of how I felt growing up. You know, and of course both my parents know we love you. Yeah, well, but the thing is, is that I did not feel that because.
speaker-1: Move on your perception,
speaker-0: And it's okay. There's nothing wrong with me saying, hey, I didn't feel like I was loved by you. That's my perception. That's my truth. So every person has their perception and their truth. Well, why don't you get past whatever your perception or your truth is? Because your belief system is holding you back from being able to expand forward. You don't understand the power that comes with this. And maybe that's the reason why not everybody does it. Because it does come with a lot of power to where you can literally manipulate the energy around you and make things shift. And the only reason for that is because you figured out how to play the game. It's energy and you don't run around staying in low frequencies. If anybody would be interested. take a look at the book called The Map of Consciousness. And it has all of the levels of our frequencies. And so based on what your emotions are would determine where your frequencies are. And they're gonna fluctuate constantly. But have you ever been around somebody that's super bitter, super negative, and just like, you're like, my God, right?
speaker-1: I'm very sensitive to it if someone's around me like that. I can't be around. I've sorted out now how to block it. But before I even understood what it was, I'd be around these people and I would immediately get physically sick. I didn't know what it was. And now I know how to block it. And you know, incidentally, that's my question for you. There's a lot of weight that comes with this work that you do. How do you protect yourself from taking that on mentally, emotionally, spiritually? How do you protect yourself from that?
speaker-0: I still journal. ⁓ A lot of the journaling that I do is actually just on my phone. But part of this process, like I was saying with the Celebrate Recovery, but then again with other processes, because before I wrote this book, I did the 369 and then I wrote my own book, or did the Retrocausality. So between those two, that was a big burn and I did a ton of affirmations at the time. Now people will say affirmations don't do anything. You're absolutely right. They don't do anything. If you don't receive what it is. I had to reprogram myself and that's the whole transformation that is occurring from the visual to the book, to the master class. I mean, I literally have, I'm built for this. Plus I'm a Capricorn and Capricorns are leaders. I'm very determined, very motivated, and I will work 12 hours a day because I'm like, this has to be done. So I have conversations with source and I ask for assistance and guidance. I mean, right before this video, I had to go, I had to put some music on. Music is my number one thing to really bring me in. I do my own energy work. I use a lot of crystals. Not that the crystal really means anything. It's just, it's an energy source and I... can infuse whatever I want into everything that's going on. And so like, can go like this and I can just pull my energy up and I can swirl and I can feel that all the way in the tips of my toes. When I do that went through an activation for Kundalini that probably started 2013, 2012. Weird part about that was when I started going to my energy doctor about eight or nine years ago. He activated again and cleared it out. So there'd been like a five year gap where I was had this weird energy inside of me. And I was like, what is this? And then I started to figure out, was like, you know, I remember this from when I was young, like young, young, I remember it. And so there's all these activations that are occurring with me to where, and I can't think of anything because I've just processed so much. And then I just leave it. It just goes, but I had so many questions when I was young, nobody could answer them. And I sure as heck wasn't going to say it out loud because it would have sounded like I was crazy. Then come the nineties to the two thousands, all of the internet, holy cow, just flooding and reading and reading and reading because I'd been reading medical journals since I was like 12. Cause my whole family was in the medical industry. My mom had her doctorate in nursing, my grandmother, my aunt, my cousin. My sister, my other sister, my brother. I mean, it's just, there's a lot and people say, how come you weren't a nurse? And I was like, cause I wasn't good in math, but I ended up being a teacher and source said, ha ha, you're going to go learn all the math all the way up to trig and calculus. see literally every single thing that's in my life. If I avoided it, Oh no, it's coming back. No, you're going to have to learn how to do this now. And now I'm to a point where I can stand in my own power and no, no, not a belief. Not a doubt. Know who I am and where I'm from. And I don't mean from my parents. I mean, where was I before I got here? And who am I? And with that knowledge gives you keys to the universe. It really does. I can place a bubble around me, but then I can even go so far. worked with Dragon Energy for a while. And I told my friend that was teaching me it one day, said, why do we have to do this every day? Why can't I just tell the system to just continually run it? He just looked at me and I'm like, why not? And then, you know, when I get frustrated or like how I was frazzled, the music calmed down, do a little bit of energy, do some breathing. And then here I am. Right. I protect myself when I go into Walmart, that's, you know, or any crowded, any crowded places is really. You understand what I mean?
speaker-1: Of course. So from the short excerpts of your writing that I've looked over, your writing style seems to have a calmness to it, but also a sharpness, like it's meant to wake people up gently. How do you balance compassion with truth telling?
speaker-0: It very much is, like I said earlier, like I have the emotional check-ins and then throughout each chapter, I have affirmations and then I also have time to reflect. And that's a moment where you're supposed to just stop if I look at here for a second. When you see the stars throughout the journal, take a moment to pause and reflect on the significance that they hold. Each star represents a moment of insight. a breakthrough or a memory worth cherishing. They serve as a reminder to appreciate the journey, celebrate the small victories, and acknowledge the growth that has taken place. By taking a moment to reflect, you can gain a deeper understanding of your experiences and the lessons learned along the way. This practice not only enriches your relationship with the journal, but also enhances your mindfulness and gratitude. for life's intricate tapestry. And then on the next page, I immediately go, what are your current thoughts? And then I have little happy faces down at the bottom. And so you're supposed to tell me how you feel right now. And this is the beginning of the book. So then at the end of the book, ⁓ it asks it again, and hopefully it's maybe different. But some people may be lying to themselves at the beginning of the book, and then maybe by the end, then they will actually open up. to themselves a little bit more. And I have a time to reflect. says, like, illuminate your path with joy. And so it's just a sweet little reminder. And it has a little star. don't know can see that. It has a little star. So I just have all of these beautiful little graphics. It's time to reflect to celebrate every little spark. And then the next page talks about sparking your creativity.
speaker-1: cons.
speaker-0: and exploring. So describe a vivid dream you experience, whether asleep or awake and transform it into a detailed story and see what happened in your dream. See, I don't have anything to do with this dream. This is your dream. I'm just guiding you through this process. If I give you the techniques for self discovery, you've got yourself in a peaceful setting, taking the self care practices, drink fresh water. absorb rays of sunshine, ground barefoot, light candles and meditate. Listen to music, sing and dance, breathing exercises, watch a comedy. I also don't really watch TV. Stranger Things is on and I'm going to finish that up and then I don't know what's going to happen after. There isn't anything on the TV that's really worth.
speaker-1: Let me ask you this about your writing. you feel your books are written by you or through you?
speaker-0: This book was 100 % written by source and at the beginning of the book it's dedicated to divine spirit. ⁓
speaker-1: you fuck. Go ahead. Go ahead.
speaker-0: When I was writing it and I'd get really frustrated because I'd be like, oh, I don't know what to do in this place. Which way do you want me to go? I would stop, literally. I would get up away from the computer and I would go do something else and I would have a conversation with Source and then I would do some energy work and be like, okay, which way do you want me to go here? And then I will do that. And that's the agreement. When I say... You know, there's a lot of things in life we don't want to do, right? And then there's a lot of things that we do. Well, the question is, are the things that we want to do good for us or not? I mean, obviously everything is good to a point because ultimately anything that's bad supposedly could be turned into something good. I mean, that's just the definition of my life. It's something bad happens and then something good comes out of it. Something bad happens. then something good comes out of it. And I learned not to ask why, not until a lot later when I knew like, why, why does this or why is that? And now what my energy doctor is actually teaching me is he said, you need to learn these five words. Do you do not need or so six words, you do not need to understand. You don't need to understand. You do not need to understand. Cause he's like, minute that you start asking that, like when I'm saying, well, what about this? Cause he cleared some energy. He's like, why are you talking about that? He's like, I just cleared it from you. You're bringing it back. Stop trying to understand what it is. Let it go. And for me, that's really, really hard.
speaker-1: Do you think you're trying to understand it because in understanding you can let it go? Maybe you can't let it go because not understanding it feels unresolved for you. Is that possible?
speaker-0: Absolutely. It's probably 100 % the reason why, because I want to know everything about everything. And Source knows that about me. But when it comes to like clearing debris and negativity, he's like, you don't need to understand with that. You see what I mean? Like don't put the focus on negative. Keep the positive.
speaker-1: Well, let me ask it this way. Here's where I'm going with it. When I hear what you just said, understanding, I'm thinking you, understanding you and whatever the negative thing is, understanding you, why you did it, why you did what, or why you took the action. Because in understanding that, now you know to recognize it in the future so you don't do it, to even get stuck. So I don't mean understand it, the general sense. I mean understand yourself, like your source, so to speak.
speaker-0: Right, right. And I get that. it's, I think what he was actually trying to convey to me, because he knows how I am. He's been working with me. We go and eat lunch together. We go hang out. This is not like, you know, somebody that I don't know. I am friends with his wife. Like, you know, I call her up on a Saturday and be like, hey, what's going on? So he knows me and he knows how the darker energy works is what I'm going to say. And so he is basically saying, and he's getting this information from people that are top notch in the energy field with their experiences. mean, they is friends with people who like literally are capable of healing people like now, right? Like he goes, this particular gentleman. Every single person that he's ever come across, he healed. However, I guess the gentleman went to India and he was not able to heal anybody. And so he came back and then it was like, what is going on? You know, why is this happening? And so then he had to go through his thing and out of that came, you don't need to understand.
speaker-1: In the work that you've been doing, what is something that has surprised you the most? think
speaker-0: At the different points, and it's happened a lot as I was processing and burning this through because this, this has been going on. I wrote this book, started it. That conversation was June 18th of not this June. just had the June before that. And so this whole time, and then even prior to that book, was like, that was, the book was almost like a rebirth in and of itself.
speaker-1: I
speaker-0: After a crash and burn and then I turn around and then I was going through all of these other like smaller ones had multiple ego deaths. That is not easy. And then you have to literally act like everything's fine going through an ego. You can't act like everything's fine. You're losing your mind. Everything is delulu. People don't understand you. You're freaking out. You're like hyper sad or you're hyper excited or you know, there's just, there's all this. going on. I mean, I did a fast track of learning all kinds of crystals and showed up at Gemworld and Quartzite. And I was like, holy cow, I can't believe I know all of these crystals. You know what I'm saying? Because the data dumps were coming in so fast, but I've always been able to just know as one of the spiritual gifts would be a clear cog. I mean, I've always had that ability. So when you asked about that earlier, how did you know? I didn't know, but I knew like looking hindsight. can see all gifts. can see everything. was just the last one kind of threw me with the Kundalini because that's intense. Extremely intense. I don't know how some people do it where they do like spontaneous. Holy cow. I don't, don't think I, don't know. I I'm like, I'm going to describe myself as a slow burn.
speaker-1: Is there a belief you had before you started writing the book that you no longer had after you completed the book? What's your favorite? Or the most profound?
speaker-0: I'm sure there's a few. think it's going to be that the frequency and talking about the duality of things and seeing how, okay, owning up and recognizing that every single thing that has gone on in my life, I agreed to it and I created it. And it doesn't, I'm not even, I'm talking even about the negative over here when I was a little girl and people doing things. Somehow, some way I created that. for a greater purpose. Now people are going to be like, no, but, but, but you haven't dealt with your trauma. When you get to the level of understanding and release of something that was done to you that was very, very hurtful. I attribute pregnant at 15 because of that, because there were other things that were going on at the same time that the sexual abuse was going on because it was like a snowball. And my parents couldn't understand what was going on with me. And they didn't find out because we didn't tell anybody until we were in junior high, pivotal time hitting puberty. And, ⁓ by the way, I, you know, was sexually abused by the, neighbor, you know? And then there's like all these people involved. And then he ends up going to prison for a year and never got charged for what he did to us. He went because he was doing it right then to somebody else. And so, you know, living with those kinds of things and going, where's the justice in that? But recognizing, cause I went down different learning modalities and apparently I created all of this for some type of a lesson to where I'm at today. Because if those things never would have happened, I wouldn't be here today. I would be on some easy street, you know, there's a lot of people out there. They're just cruising. They're just Cruising and I'm like over here and everything's on fire and I'm throwing fireballs over there to keep that away You know, and there's a whole bunch of me running around, you know We're holding up the energy force of the entire grid. That is a huge responsibility
speaker-1: Let me ask you something. Is there anything that you are actively healing or working on right now that the audience may be surprised to find out or might not expect? You mentioned earlier that you were buzzing and you're on fire and there were lots of things happening in the last few days. What's... so...
speaker-0: What am I healing right now? So, so in the last few days, because I want to say on, yeah, I think it was yesterday, because yesterday was a 12 hour day. And I was losing my mind because I was just like, I have all this, you know, incoming over here. It's like, need to go to the grocery store. I need to cook dinner. I write all those, those like normal things that you need to do. Thankful. I have somebody that will do that and take care of me because he knows I'm very busy and he's hungry too. So. I'm very thankful for that. yesterday I was so upset and then I went, I forgot. I don't have to be mad about this. I don't have to be stressed out about any of it. What am I doing to myself? I mean, it just went, and then I said, I'm not gonna do anything right now. I'm just gonna sit here, I'm gonna meditate, I'm gonna listen to some music and I'm gonna get back to what I need to do when I get back to it. I'm the one in charge here. Nobody's gonna tell me. You know what I'm saying? There's like this other thing that's over here in the back of your head going, you got to go like this and just keep going, going, going. And I'm like, you know what? I'm not doing that. No, this is, that's not how this is supposed to be. I'm supposed to be down here a little bit. And I know like for me, just in general, I'm already like 10 notches above everybody else. Like me talking right now, this is normal. This is not, you're not even getting me started right here. And I'm super excited to be here. I'm excited to talk to you and express these things out into the world because this is my frequency. This is going to be a ripple across the universe right now. And I am finally in a place right now. So yeah, I'm to be super excited about it because I did it. People underestimated me my whole life. I mean, all of those things in high school, how did I end up getting a college degree? I shouldn't have gotten a college degree. That should have never happened. You know, but I am always a little bit on the rough around the edges. Cause I'm just not going to take it. And I just, I I'm sick of people's excuses. I'm like, it's not that way. So this journal, the way that I set it up, like you said earlier, I am carrying through the whole thing, but I might kick you in the butt a little bit. You know why? Because you need it. Cause I'm trying to tell you once you get through this.
speaker-1: It's helpful.
speaker-0: You know, the only thing that's stopping them is fear and fear is, you know, it's an illusion. There is no such thing as fear and anywhere outside of the realm that we live in right now, it doesn't exist. This is the playground for fear, for hate, for anger. You don't get this when you go to heaven. That's not happening. That's not the program. This matrix mathematical construct that we're in That's not how it works. This is a construct of duality and our purpose. And I think that it's not everybody. There's only, you know, so many of us. It is a limited edition, I guess, because we are rare and we are different. And we stand out in the crowd because we're a big beacon of light that's shining bright onto the darkness. And the darkness does not like us because we're like, you know. Pull in the covers and they don't like it. If you look at what is going on politically in this country right now, the health of this country, mean, you know, there's a little smirk over here on the side going, I've been telling you this stuff for 20 years and I can't believe that it's on the five o'clock news. I'm completely stunned. I don't watch the news anymore. It really irritates my soul because I know they're lying and they're not, and even if they're telling a truth, they're not telling. enough of the truth for people to really grasp what's going on. And it's an indoctrination program that I don't want to be part of anymore. And so I have to just walk away from it, but it's difficult if you're on social media, obviously you're going to come across it and you're going to see little pieces. And so I decided that the only conspiracy theories that aren't conspiracy theories anymore is going to be dealing with food. which is a huge problem, the GMOs and all of that kind of stuff. And I have a memory like an elephant that remembers a lot of what they told us back in the nineties about GMOs, how it was going to save the world, humanity, and that everybody would not be hungry. And that's not the way it is today. And instead we have this ridiculous amount of illness and most chronic sickness for children ever. And people are questioning that and thinking that's normal. No, not buying it, not buying it at all. So I will stick with the food that I will stick with that. will follow that and I will follow what's going on with the vaccines because I lived the damage in more ways than one and you know, people have died because of it. ⁓
speaker-1: Well, San Diaz, we wrap up. Any final words for the audience? How can they get the journal? How can they get Spirit Night, the book? Please share. How can people connect with you and get the product?
speaker-0: Well, I have a website. It's called spiritknight.co. Not dot com. Spirit Knight with a K. .co. And it has the links for the book. It also has merchandise on there. I'm still tweaking that and it's all USA products. And you can also just get the book on Amazon. And so if somebody wants to reach out, I think I put in there my email. info at spirit night.co. And there's also, if you go to the website, you can send it through there too.
speaker-1: Well, Sandy, thank you so much for meeting me. Thank you for coming on BTS. I really enjoyed our conversation and I wish you the best in the future.
speaker-0: Wonderful. It was a pleasure. Thank you. Thank you to the guests for listening. Have a beautiful night.
speaker-1: Thank ⁓
speaker-0: oooo
speaker-1: the story
speaker-0: you