Second Wives Club, Sun Poisoning and Clutter Blindness

In this episode of The Honest to Girl Truth podcast, we get honest about Culture finding out she is in the second wive's club, Nicole's husband getting sun poisoning, and clutter blindness.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Test.

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Alright, welcome back. Welcome back to the podcast. Um, we're on a really good run.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

We're motivated. This shit's gonna happen. Um so I was just chatting with you real quick before we get into the pod. I was have a friend who got married really young at like 20 or 21, and you just told me your husband Chris was married at 21, which I did not know.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

I didn't know that either until we were engaged. And he said something about his uh, where do you want to go on a honeymoon? Do you want to go and I said, Oh, I've I I've always wanted to go to Thailand. I still haven't to this even been to Thailand. And he said, Oh, um, well, I would love to take you to Thailand. Sorry, we're in my car. Um Thanks, bro. Maybe we can't hear that on these special microphones that Chris bought. Um, but he said, I've already been to Thailand for my honeymoon with my first marriage, and I He just slid that in, like my neck turned 360. And I was like, I was uh I'm sorry, what like what honeymoon? What are you talking about? Like who just slides that in, like, oh I've never been to any girl? I never knew he was married before. Not that it mattered, but I never knew that you'd be. You would think he would say that. Yeah, and so he thought, he's like, I thought I mentioned that. And I was like, no, I just I no, I would know that I would remember that. Yes. So he he was married, so he told me this story, and actually I never talked about it because it was I didn't care. But do your kids know?

unknown 1:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

And the way I told Sophia, I mean, I don't know if Tristan knows, but the way I told Sophia, I was like sneaky. I was like, Did you know that dad was married before? And so she was like, What? I mean, I said, I don't care, but yeah, he was married. She was like, That's disgusting. I'm like, I know. Oh my god. So he told me this not too long ago because I said, I said, isn't that I didn't, I go, it's crazy that you're you were already married before. And I like a full wedding. Did they have a big wedding? They didn't have a full wedding, no. Okay. So he was a professor for a little while at uh college, and he said there was a college exactly.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

I feel like that's something guys. Well, he was I'm a professor of.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

He was young, women, and he was, you know, handsome and a surfer and everything. So he said there was a girl. Surfs?

SPEAKER_00 2:15

I am learning new things every day about Chris. He grew up a surfer. Stop it. Yes. He does not look like a surfer to me.

SPEAKER_01 2:23

He was a full on he had long hair.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

Stop it! He would surf with Kelly Slater. They are the same age. Okay, if you saw Chris, people of who's ever watching, I do not he's like an indoor guy, like tucky and like super into like technology. No, no, does he still surf? Oh my god, he's not a big. But does he still surf?

SPEAKER_01 2:46

He doesn't surf anymore, but he was like a professional scuba diver. What are you talking about? Okay, I can see him scuba diving.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

Yeah, but surfing, it's like, I don't know. I would never picture him as a Rob's an indoor guy. There's like Rob eats the beach.

SPEAKER_01 3:00

He doesn't know he loves the beach. Really?

SPEAKER_00 3:02

What do you know? How do I not know this? Well, when have you ever said Chris is gonna go catch some waves this morning?

SPEAKER_01 3:10

Well, I mean, I also I mean I love my husband, but it's I'm not one of those people that's like my husband.

SPEAKER_00 3:15

You know men who surf, it's a light, it's like oh I know. He doesn't surf anymore. He doesn't surf anymore. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

Um so after we had kids, it was just like there was no time. We went to the beach once, he went surfing, it was really cute. Um, but no, he doesn't surf anymore, I think because just with kids and like shark sightings, and then he's he and his sister both had this like um weird um what is it? The like the compression, like the circulation in the middle of the city.

SPEAKER_00 3:45

Okay, do you see where I'm going with indoor guy? But he's not an indoor guy. I think maybe more now than when he was younger, which is okay. No, no, he's not an indoor guy at all. Like he likes to be home because there's nothing, like if we go to the house. Wait, doesn't he bike ride? Does he bike ride? No. Okay, I'm mixing him up with somebody else. What does he do that's outdoorsy that I would know in this point of his life?

SPEAKER_01 4:06

So, I mean, outdoorsy, like, he loves to go to the beach, but there's nothing like so he's lived just like I have, he's lived several lives, and all of them were spending a month or two on a boat in the middle of the ocean scuba diving with sharks and hammerheads. See, I never knew this. This is very cool. And then he travels all over the world. He used to do underwater photography, and he also and just like he's not a techie guy. Like, he has gadgets.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

But he's into like gadgets, not techie like sitting home creating like a thing. I'm saying techie, like, he has all the latest and greatest gadgets.

SPEAKER_01 4:44

He works the stock market, but only because he likes it, like if he's interested in something, he will buy everything for that thing. So, for example, Chris and the kids loved to go on the paddle board in Hawaii. Yes. In the little book, I remember you told me this. Guess what he bought? A paddle board. A thousand dollar paddle board. Has he used to be able to do it? Not just it, not just a paddle board. The top of the line. He used it three times.

SPEAKER_00 5:09

Okay, see, so that's what I mean by indoor guy, but he's so busy now.

SPEAKER_01 5:13

Yeah, but he's not, I I wouldn't categorize him as an indoor guy. Are we indoors a lot because of our lives right now? Yeah, but I don't look at him like an indoor.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

Maybe he's an outdoor cat who's being trapped indoors right now.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

No, he just loves being if we're home, he loves being home. If we're out, he wants to be out. If we're gonna have, like, okay, for example, when we're on vacation, we are at the pool all day long. At the all day long, we're out doing stuff all day long.

SPEAKER_00 5:42

We're not stuck in the hotel. Rob's my little Irish albino who has to limit his sun intake. See, Chris can be a little bit more. He's literally had sun poisoning. You know, let me tell this story. This is hysterical. The first time, so I'm like Chris. I love, and I am outdoors a lot. You know me, I'm always biking and walking, and I live at the beach with the kids in the summer. So the first time Rob and I, who is an indoor guy, and I'll tell you why, we went to Vegas. It was our first trip. It was an amazing trip. We were so in love. You know when you're so in love, you just can't stop smiling, cheeks hurt. We went to the Mirage and I went to the pool and we were laying out no umbrella because I love the freaking sun. And he is Irish pasty white. He takes off his shirt. I'm like, oh my god, babe, you need to get some color. Put some oil on. Because this is my 20s when you would do the Hawaiian tropic oil. So I tell him to put it and he goes, No, no, no, I'm good, I'm good. Now we're only dating at this point. December, January, March, April, six months. So he's still being, you know, sweet. Oh no, no, I'm okay. I'm like, put it on. No, no, it's okay. I'm like, put it on, you're so white, get some color. So I lather him up in oil and he cooking oil, basically. Basically cooking oil. And he, a few hours into the day, and we're this is June, July, hot. You basted him. He got sun poisoning. Oh my god. We went up to the room, he threw up.

SPEAKER_01 7:02

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 7:03

He had blisters all over his body. And then, this is only stuff you do in your first dating. We had reservations at the Bellagio steakhouse, and that's when you had to wear like a suit and everything. He puts on the dress shoes and he goes, Ow. Ow. And I go, Oh my god, he's like, I'm fine. He walked with his swollen blistered feet in those fucking dress shoes and went to dinner. That is new love. Because now he'd be like, You fucking idiot. You put oil on me, I'm fucking burnt. I'm in the rest of the night. I can't even put shoes on. We're not going to dinner. Total sun poisoning. He still brings that up.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

That's awful.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

And if you ever go to the beach with us, he is the dorky dad in a beach chair under an umbrella. That's me. With a t-shirt on. Yeah. That's me. I'm like out in the basting in the sun, like, can't get like every time the shade moves to his umbrella, I move away from him. I'm down the beach by the end of the day because I want sun. Yeah, I work. See, we're the opposite. Chris loves sun. How do I not know this about him?

SPEAKER_01 8:06

He wants to be out in the sun. I'm the one, I will be out in the water, but I have a time limit. Like, if I feel like I'm getting hot, just because I'm Asian and it's like instilled in us to like not spend a lot of time in the sun. Well, that's why you probably look way better than I. I've got a hat on. I have like 15 layers of sunscreen. There's always this uh an umbrella near me. And Chris is always trying to set up, like if we go to the pool, he always wants to set up where we have like a cabana or an umbrella, or he'll move us. Because you need to be yes. I just I just can't. I mean, I can't I tan really easily, which thank you for my mom and dad, but I just it's just too much for me. But I'm gonna be able to get it. The heat and all of it. All of it. Yeah, you're like Rob. You guys, if we ever go and it's so funny because I'm from Hawaii and he's Irish and we're both. That's what I mean. Yes. I just can't, I just can't. But here's the thing if I am in the sun with my girlfriends at the pool, at the hotel, I'm not being difficult and being like, oh I have to go in the house. Oh, you're not right. Yeah, I need an umbrella. I will stay in the sun and and I don't burn, thank God, but I will turn black. I love it. Which is great because it's the suntan, but I can be from sunup to sundown.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

In fact, when you go to the beach with me, because we've been so busy the last couple years, we're both made a commitment to go to the beach more with the kids. I have friends, I call them rookie beach people, who are like, like, I here's how I do the beach. I get there at 10 a.m. First of all, I want a good spot. I want to sprawl out, I want to be exactly where I want to be at the beach. So 10 a.m., I'm at the beach with the kids. Guess what time we go home? Six o'clock. Five, six o'clock. And I'll have friends meet me and they're like, all right, well, we had lunch, or we and I'm like, I'm not going. And they're like, are you gonna stay? I'm like, yes. First of all, I slept all this shit down here. The wagon, the umbrella, the beach toys, the all that. We're here all day. We're I'm an all Chris and I I get see would probably We're there all day. We yeah, we get along that way because you have said he brings all the stuff and is there all day. He brings a pool to the beach. Literally. No, no, literally.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

He brought a pool to Hawaii. Oh, yeah, he brought a fold-up pool to Hawaii in a suitcase. I really should post about that because that was ridiculous. In a suitcase. And we were there for eight days, and how many times did we use it?

unknown 10:19

One time.

SPEAKER_01 10:20

Well, yeah, because you're in fucking Hawaii on the beach in a pool in a resort. He loved it. I said, we don't need to bring a pool neck next time. We only use it one time. He goes, Yeah, but that one time, babe, was amazing. I'm like, I can't argue with him because he's like, you don't have to carry it. If he wants to pack it, he brought a pool to Hawaii.

SPEAKER_00 10:37

Well, now in this, he should just order one to the hotel. Like, can you order one of the pools?

SPEAKER_01 10:42

I said, let's just order. No, no, no, no, no. Two years ago, because we go to Hawaii every summer. Two years ago, we were shopping for groceries because we like to stay in a place that has a kitchen. We went to Target. He spot he spotted one of those pitch-up like awning, like tent thingies. Oh yes. It wasn't like a like a personal one, it was like a 12 by 15 one. Guess what he did? We bought it in Hawaii. Stop it. We left it. You bought it in Hawaii and we checked it. Stop it. Because he loved it so much. Like, we couldn't buy it online. We couldn't buy it at home. No, we had to buy it right there because he's spontaneous, which I love. The whole time. I was like, You're crazy. And he's like, No, this is great. I'm just gonna check it. We're just gonna check it in. We're gonna check it.

SPEAKER_00 11:31

He's that guy coming, he's the guy coming back from Hawaii, and the people who live in Hawaii are like, this fucking idiot. This is with yeah, with his fucking Costco tent checking it. And then there's you, and you're like, I know I'm from here. I don't know. I don't I don't know him. Mahalo. Aloha. I don't know him. Babe, I mean he's my security guard.

SPEAKER_01 11:51

I'm that important. Yeah, he that was the same, yeah. We he had a pool too in the suitcase, and then he bought a uh tent and and shipped it like a it costs more to do to do that.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

It costs more than but in fairness, sometimes Costco's don't have the same things. No, but it was Target. Oh yeah, it was Target. Oh, he definitely could have got it here.

SPEAKER_01 12:14

It was Target, and then it doesn't even match our current one, which I hate. He is now how many times has he used that? A lot.

unknown 12:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:21

No, but he like I want to live an aesthetic life. We are he is the anti-aesthetic. I want everything to be matching. Right. He will purposefully buy everything non-matching because he's like, it's functional. Why does it need to match? Why does it have to look good? Well, that's like a guy thing.

SPEAKER_00 12:37

Men are like that.

SPEAKER_01 12:38

We have three different colored dog um leashes that we all well, they're all one's red, one's black, and one's blue. Our tents are one's blue, one's white. All of our towels are non-matching.

SPEAKER_00 12:48

You know what I just speaking of towels. I just told Rob the other day I want to throw out all our towels and buy all new towels. Same. Yes, and he goes, why? And I go, first of all, some of these we've had since I was single for everyone. Like that I brought into the marriage.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

Why do we hang out? Why do we hang on to these things?

SPEAKER_00 13:04

Why? You could get towel, you get eight towels for a hundred bucks. Brand new. Love, lovely. Yeah, I'm gonna do it. He's like, why? Why? And you know what's funny? So when we got the our new trailer for camping, I wanted everything aesthetic because it's like a fresh start and all the colors are like grays and whites. I got all towels to match, all hand towels to match. Somehow half of them are in my house, and half of my shitty towels for my house are in my trailer. It's not you. It you can't help it. Like, when you it's like he's driving me nuts. Like, can I just keep one thing organized? I know. You can't. And you know what I'm doing? I'm just gonna throw it out and do it. Same with sheets. I got fucking all these sheets for when they wanted dinosaurs, then it was cars, and then it was, you know, neutral because he's 12, and then Jake with the sharks. Why?

SPEAKER_01 13:50

Just throw it all away. Or not throw it all away, just donate it. Donate it and declutter. Donate it. I know. That's spring spring cleaning for you. Yeah. I need to do that desperately. We had the alarm guy over yesterday fixing our alarm, and we had the pest control guy, he was spraying on the inside of the house.

SPEAKER_00 14:06

I need a good pest control person, by the way.

SPEAKER_01 14:08

Wheel of ours. Who do you use? I don't know the name, but I'll send it to you.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

Okay, because they all suck. The last guy who came, I'm like, he looked like he fell asleep in his car on his lunch break. Probably. Rolled in, half disheveled, sprayed like not even the perimeter, and then left. I called the company and was like, I could have literally done what he did better.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:28

I want him to deweb. Yeah, that's what they do. Wipe stuff down.

SPEAKER_01 14:30

Walk around with this giant thing that looked like a microphone. Looked like they walk around and do the whole thing. Yeah. Yeah, I'll I'll let you I'll send you the info because I don't know the name off the top of my head. They were red shirts. I just know that. But um, I was just they were walking around the house, and you know, I haven't been home since Friday, and then I came home and I wasn't feeling well, so the last few days I was just sitting on the couch. I'm just like they're just walking around the house, and it's like all this clutter, and I started to feel really like insecure and anxious. I don't like that feeling.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

You know what's true though, too, and this is where you and Chris are different. Because you have anxiety like I have anxiety, I need my house to be in order. Yeah. When I walk into my house in order, I feel like I could breathe. It's like because the world is so chaotic. Now, correct me if I'm wrong. I feel like none of that bothers Chris. Like he can very much have shit in everyone.

SPEAKER_01 15:24

Oh my god, none of it.

SPEAKER_00 15:26

Yeah, it doesn't, it doesn't fit. Yeah, it doesn't bother him.

SPEAKER_01 15:29

There's a there's an actual, I think I read it a long time ago. It was an article or a study about how people in the family see things differently when they walk through a home. You need to send that to Rob. Yeah, and and husbands and kids are just blind to it. They just they don't see it as noise. They see it. They're blind. Husbands are blind to other things. Everything.

SPEAKER_00 15:49

Noise, everything, children yelling, homework that needs to be done, dishes, oh yeah, clutter. But when you when a when a when we walk through the house. Picking up dog hoops. I could go on and on to the shit Rob's blind from.

SPEAKER_01 16:01

When we walk through the house, it's all every they it's they're all speaking to us.

SPEAKER_00 16:06

I look at baseboards. They're all oh I know. I mean, I know, and when I go to people's house, I'm like, Rob. My baseboards. They don't fucking clean their baseboards. I've never noticed your baseboards being dirty.

SPEAKER_01 16:16

Well, I need a tool so I don't have to bend it.

SPEAKER_00 16:19

I get the um Swiffer mop and I flip it and along the sides. The little cheesy green one. No, no, I dust them.

SPEAKER_01 16:29

You just dust them? Yeah, I dust them, but I don't actually like don't I don't I you need to like scrub them?

SPEAKER_00 16:34

When they need a good scrubbing, I get down on my hands and knees.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

Oh see, I can't do that. Maybe I should commission this.

SPEAKER_00 16:39

You can do a lot, you're not like saturating with a hose, Chris. Like you could get a like a Clorox wipe.

SPEAKER_01 16:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:45

Okay, I could do that. Yeah, like you don't have enough going on. You need a housekeeper. I'm gonna call yours. Yeah, that's the other thing. But I need to declutter first because I'm embarrassed. It's a spiral. I know, but if you de Here's the thing I've learned too with my kids. I'm trying to have a balance because I declutter and clean and shit comes back the next day. 100%. So it's like, do I fight with are they the problem or am I the problem?

SPEAKER_01 17:09

Both.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

Because Rob's like, okay, so every day I started, you know, doing this job earlier that I'm doing right now. And I used to my routine before.

SPEAKER_01 17:17

She's a lady of the night.

SPEAKER_00 17:19

A morning lady. The real money's in the morning, guys. Only family. Let me tell you. The real client knows. Um, so I have to leave the house by 7:45. Prior to that, my routine get up, work out, clean the house, make the beds, clean the toilets, because I have boys, wipe them down, all of that. So my house would be clean, vacuum every day. I've been leaving that up to Rob. So speaking of seeing things differently, see, his idea of making the bed, which has been a battle, is throwing the top cover over. Yeah. Not even straightening up the sheet underneath, okay, throwing pillows, picking up the kitchen, which apparently does not mean wiping down the fucking counters. That's he doesn't even do that when we have dinner. And then half, I call it half-ass vacuuming. I think he's just hitting the center of all floors of our house. No corners, there's no corner. Nothing underneath, no moving furniture, no moving chairs. No. And don't even get me started on dusting. Are you kidding me? So he for a while he was like, Well, you're the problem. I'm not doing it to your standard. And this is how I do it. And and I've heard people say, Well, he's still doing it. You know, just be glad he's helping. You know what I call that? Bullshit. I am tired of a lot of people who say, Well, he's helping. Okay, so it should be good enough. It should be good enough. Why is the bar so low for men? What if I just made 10% of a dinner? What if I just gave him 10% of my body during sex? Well, he probably only needs one, but you know what I mean. Like, what if I just half-assed sex, half-assed dinner? What if I went to the grocery store and only bought 10% of what we fucking needed? I didn't actually buy the chicken to bread the chicken. Yeah, there's the breath. Exactly. I've laid out the bread crumbs. I've laid out the breadcrumbs. Oh, I'm sorry, you wanted protein. Just be grateful I'm making dinner. Do you know men get away with this? And there's women who are married who say this to me. Oh, well, he's helping. Just be grateful. How low is the bar in your house that that's okay? And this is what I tell Rob. I give 100%, you need to give 100%. If I'm doing half of everything, that's one thing. But I am raising the kids and doing the doctor's appointments and making dinner and the homework and the cleaning and the co so you only have to do very little in the morning, five days a week. I I don't like that men get a pass of doing half-assed jobs.

SPEAKER_01 19:43

So what is he?

SPEAKER_00 19:44

Has he gotten better? Yes. Okay, good. He has got he has because I was on him and I stopped listening to everybody who's like just being grateful, he's doing anything. It's like, no, I don't, I know people who are married like that, not anyone I'm really close to because I don't really gel with women that aren't strong. And it's like, no, that's bullshit.

SPEAKER_01 20:05

Yeah, especially if it's bothering you. If it doesn't bother you, and then you're kind of cleaning up after him, that's fine because it's not bothering you. But if it's bothering you, that's resentment. And then you just have to tell him, babe, you're you're I you're half-assing it. Yeah, I don't appreciate it. It would make me much happier if you just put in an extra effort and did this.

SPEAKER_00 20:23

Yes. And then he did. And he only, if you know my husband, works all the time. He's really only home in the morning. So it's like you just have to be on for like 60 minutes a day. If I only had to be on 60 minutes a day, I'd be fucking Mickey Mouse around my house. Probably 10 Honestly, 10, 15 minutes if he did it the way I did it.

SPEAKER_01 20:42

Right. That's one thing that's been helping me is just realizing, because I have diagnosed, undiagnosed ADHD. Um, and it's looking at certain things, chores, activities, things that I need to get done, and thinking that it's gonna take me hours and hours, and it's gonna be so long, and I have to do all the stuff.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

So you get overwhelmed by the thought of that is like crippling. Yes, and that's how great. Maybe that's what bothers Rob because he has ADHD.

SPEAKER_01 21:11

It's crippling because I look at everything and I know. So what I started doing is I'll count in my head the minutes. So I'll actually count 260, and then I'll count for another 60, and then I'll count for another 60 just to see how long it'll take me to do something, and then I'll realize oh my gosh, it only took me like two minutes and sixteen seconds. So maybe that, because he has ADHD, maybe that would help.

SPEAKER_00 21:37

Turn it off. This is the appraiser.