Stop Making Today Pay for Yesterday

What happens after something doesn’t go the way you wanted?

After months of looking forward to a camping weekend, Michelle made the responsible call to turn around when torrential rain, flooding, and dangerous conditions made continuing a bad idea. She knew it was the right decision. She was also pissed about it, and that frustration followed her long after the decision was made.

Then, less than 24 hours later, she realized she had broken a 225-day streak of walking outside every single day. Her reaction this time? Shrug, lace up her shoes, and get back to it.

In this episode of This Is Nothing New™, Michelle explores why some disruptions are easier to recover from than others, the difference between feeling an emotion and continuing to feed it, and why consistency has far less to do with perfection than we often think.

Because disappointment happens. Plans change. We screw up.

The real skill is learning how to recover without carrying yesterday into today.

Connect with Michelle:

Website: michellegruening.com
Instagram: @michellegruening
LinkedIn: Michelle Gruening

Transcript

Copy

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Hey y'all, and welcome to This Is Nothing New. My name is Michelle Gruning, and this is the show where we drop the trends, get back to the basics, and uncover those lessons hiding in everyday life. And I had a lot of lessons hiding in everyday life over this past weekend. And it got me thinking about this question that I use in my group coaching and leadership trainings, but it's a question I've been asking myself recently, which is did you actually have a bad day? Or did you have a bad five minutes that you then milked for the rest of the day? And I bring that up because I really had to sit in some reflection after some frustrating disruptions over this past weekend. And it got me thinking about a bigger topic, which is how quickly can you recover from disappointment or disruption or imperfection without making it mean more than it actually does? This past weekend was going to be the third and final weekend we had set aside for camping. At the beginning of the season, we looked at our calendars and actually prioritized the weekends we wanted to go camping. Because who would have thought that when you actually prioritize something, it happens. Anyways, we had set aside this weekend in August to go camping. And we chose that weekend specifically because it was the weekend right after the anniversary of Macklin, our dog's one-year passing. And so I knew I wanted to just escape and go into the woods. So we had this weekend planned for months, and we were extra excited about going because our July trip got canceled due to the air quality and all of the wildfire smokes that was happening here in Colorado. And we just made the decision that it wasn't going to be the right call to go sleep outside for a couple of days when the air quality was so poor. So we made that decision in advance and moved on. But we were really excited about this August camping weekend. And we had the car packed. I got all of the meals prepared. I was really excited about the meals actually that we were planning on making. They were new for us and they were just going to be delicious. I knew it. We were going to head back to an area where we camped in June. It was right along a creek. It was tucked into the woods. It was quiet and secluded. So we were really looking forward to this weekend. And on our way out, it started raining, which was fantastic because Colorado desperately needs rain. But the farther west we drove, the harder the rain was coming down. And lightning was cracking and thunder was rumbling. And we knew we were going to be starting to drive into the canyon section of 70, which for me makes me nervous about landslides because landslides are known to happen on I-70. And with the hard rain coming after a very dry summer, that's just perfect conditions for a landslide to happen. And so as we're sitting in traffic, the rain is getting harder. I can see the water rushing down the sides of the interstate, carrying rocks and small debris with it. We had to ask ourselves if this was the right choice. If we were going to be making the right choice if we continued pushing west, if we continued going to our campground that was right on water, and if we continued forcing something when the sign seemed to be pointing against us. And so as we were weighing the options, we wanted to drive a little bit farther, see how the rain slowed down or picked up, see if any more traffic alerts or news alerts came through. And we finally got to the point where we were going to call it. And we have had canceled plans before, especially when we were already a couple hours into the drive. That actually happened last summer, 4th of July weekend. We were on our way to Buna Vista to do some dispersed camping. And it took us two hours to go the distance that should have taken us 30 minutes. It was a rookie mistake. That's a different story. But so we called it and we turned home. But we flashed back to that moment because we agreed that once we made the decision, we had to make the decision and move forward. We couldn't allow it to disrupt the rest of our weekend and discolor the rest of our weekend by carrying that frustration forward. And so as we were coming up on a construction exit, we decided: all right, we're calling it. We're canceling the camping trip and we're turning around. So we got off the road, got onto a frontage road where there was standing water, the debris continued to flow, and we knew we made the right choice. It was, we live here. The mountains aren't going anywhere. We can come camping when it's not in the middle of a monsoon pattern. And even though we had decided this is the right call, yes, it sucks, but we're making this decision and we're turning around and going to continue with our weekend. I knew it was the right call, and I was still so pissed. I actually started crying on the way home. I just felt so sad that the weekend was disrupted. I was really carrying a lot of emotional residue. And when I got home, it didn't stop there. I was frustrated, I was short, I was pulling myself, you know, into myself, just really feeling all of my feelings. And it's okay to feel those feelings. That ties back to what I talked about last week and this concept that two things can be true at the same time. I knew I made the right call to cancel the trip, and I was really upset about it. Both things can be true. But the next step is what do you do after you acknowledge those things? How long was I going to allow myself to keep paying mental interest on a decision that had already been made? For me, unfortunately, that was almost a whole weekend. So let's explore the difference between feeling an emotion and feeding an emotion. Because I think those get too intertwined and too confused a lot of times. And I even experienced it over this past weekend. So at the beginning of this episode, I talked about that idea of how quickly we can recover from disappointment or disruption. And our camping trip getting canceled was disappointing and a disruption to our plans. So let's tap into that idea of recovery from those disruptions. Because recovering from a disappointment doesn't mean just immediately getting over it. I certainly didn't. I didn't recover particularly quickly. But at some point, after the original plan was over, plans were changed, the decision was made, the longer I fed that emotion of disruption, I was just extending its impact. And for me, I could have made the decision, been upset for five minutes, and then moved forward with an open weekend at home. And hey, I already had my meals planned. But instead, I allowed that disruption to fester and grow, turning what could have been just a few moments of annoyance into a whole evening of just feeling off and crotchety. And when we do that, when we extend those feelings of frustration or disappointment or guilt or shame, we have to ask ourselves, what are we sacrificing in the present moment? Because we are still arguing with something that's already happened. We have to ask ourselves, did we actually have a really bad day? Or did we have a really disappointing moment that we chose not to recover from? We have to challenge ourselves in those moments to hold multiple truths at once. The first truth is two things can be true at once. We can be frustrated by the disruption and we can choose to move forward. The second truth is we choose to move forward without dragging that emotional baggage and that frustration and that weight with us. That is all part of the challenge of recovering more quickly when disappointments do happen. But our camping trip getting canceled wasn't the only disappointment or disruption that happened this past weekend. Nope. After 225 days of going on a walk outside every day, I forgot. My plan on Friday was to go on a walk when we reached our campsite. Well, we obviously did not reach our campsite. The whole day got rearranged. We made a choice to turn around. And I got so swept up in my frustration, my disappointment, my annoyance at the canceled plans, all of those feelings that I literally forgot. Until Saturday morning when we were sitting on the porch reading, all of a sudden I looked up and I went, Oh shit, I didn't go on my walk yesterday. And I kind of sat there for a minute. Danny asked me, How do you feel about that? And I sat there for maybe 10 seconds, just in silence, just staring out into the yard. Because I wasn't sure how I felt about it. I have been so vocal about never missing a day. Even if it was 10 o'clock at night, I would remember and I would get out there and I would do laps in my backyard. But after thinking on it for several moments, I basically shrugged my shoulders and said, dang, that sucks. But I'll get right back to it today. That's the interesting thing about habits is if we don't do them 100% correctly, it can feel like they're not worth it. But for me, because I missed day 226, that doesn't eliminate all of the success I had for the previous 225 days. Those days was about building resilience, consistency, and the willingness to show up. And you know what? On day 226, I freaking forgot. So what did I do on 227? Did I say, well, guess that habit's done? I'm gonna quit. Since I missed a day, it's not worth it to keep going. I decided not to choose that. I decided to say, hmm, well, I missed the day. I can't go back in time and change it. So instead, we laced up our boots and went out and got on our hike that we had planned. And I got my walk-in on day 227. I didn't carry any guilt or shame over that missed day. It wasn't worth it for me to continue carrying that frustration forward when I could just pick up the habit and keep moving forward. So if you've been listening closely, you will notice that is two extremely different reactions to disruptions that happened within 24 hours of each other. My first one, our camping trip getting canceled, I was pissed. I carried that frustration for hours. But I missed a day of my daily outside walking goal, and I essentially shrugged it off. Why was I able to cut myself so much slack and give myself an easy break when it came to missing my walk when I could not let go of our camping trip being canceled? What I've realized is that it was all about control. Because with my walk, it was 100% on me. I just forgot. I could own that decision that I forgot, and I could cut myself some slack for missing it. And then I knew what the next obvious action was take my daily walk and continue moving forward. Easy. But when it came to camping, I did everything right. I planned, I prepared, and when the weather was turning for the worse, I made the responsible call. I didn't get the outcome I wanted. There was nothing to fix, but that lingered for hours and colored the whole rest of my night. And I just found that really interesting because when I was the source of disruption, missing my walk, I forgave myself. Forgave myself, picked up my habit, kept moving forward. But when I didn't cause the disruption, when it was literally Mother Nature disrupting my plans, I fought that reality. So some of the questions that I'm sitting with is is it harder to recover from disappointment when there's nothing we can do about what happened? And until this past weekend, I would have said, no, it's easier to recover when things happen that are completely outside of our control because they're outside of our control. When we start putting too much energy and focus on areas of our life that we cannot control, that is where misery and anxiety and stress builds. I know that. And even though I could not have controlled the weather, I still struggle to recover from that. But something that was fully in my control, I recovered easily. Which again, until this past weekend, I would have argued the opposite. I would have argued it's harder to recover from something that's fully in your control because it is in your control. It's a lot easier to berate ourselves when things are fully in our control. So why did I experience the literal opposite this past weekend? And that has me doing some deep thinking because so much of life is outside of our control. I literally talk about that all the time. The things that are always 100% in our control is our attitude, our effort, and our level of kindness. And I didn't have a good attitude this past weekend, y'all, when it came to camping. I have to learn that part of recovering from disappointments is about learning how to move forward from things that I didn't cause or I can't fix, or even if I don't think are fair. It comes back to what can I control attitude. And I really experienced that challenge this past weekend with camping getting canceled. That was a disappointment. And it created additional frustrations. But then I missed one walk. I didn't turn it into guilt or shame, or I blew my streak. I accepted it and I picked up my habit and kept moving forward. The first disruption in both of those examples happened. Camping got canceled. I missed my walk. The second thing is optional. I chose to extend my camping frustration through the weekend. But with my walk, I chose not to carry the guilt. I experienced both extremes of this theoretical concept this past weekend. Five minutes staying five minutes and five minutes becoming five hours. All of these stories have been through the lens of how quickly we can recover from disappointment. But I think there's another layer that I want to explore a little bit here, which is consistency. Because my 225 days of my walk matter. They absolutely matter. But I'm thinking that day 227, the day after I missed my walk, matters even more. Because that one missed day did not erase the hundreds of days of evidence that came before it. Missing that one day did not change who I've become over these, over the course of the year so far with this habit. And I did not have to start over. But what it did actually was release just a little bit of pressure to be perfect and challenge me on whether or not I could recover from that missed day. I'm starting to believe that consistency doesn't mean a perfect record. Consistency is about your willingness to return when your plans get disrupted. So when you think about consistency, maybe the goal isn't to never get knocked off course or to never be disappointed or to never make a mistake. I think the real goal here and the skill that can be built is after those disappointments happen and the disruptions come, are you able to move forward without carrying yesterday's disappointment along? Can you show back up and keep moving forward? These are just some real life examples that happened over this past weekend. And I invite you to think on whether or not something has recently gone sideways in your life. Are you still feeding the emotion of what happened, allowing it to continue to discolor all of your days since? Or maybe, like me, are you fighting reality because you don't think it should have happened? Maybe you made a mistake and you're turning it into falsified evidence that you're a failure. You may be experiencing one or many of those things. But the idea that I invite you to return to is that you don't have to pretend that yesterday didn't happen. Just don't make today keep paying for it. When I finally let go of the disappointment of the camping trip getting canceled, I ended up having a really lovely weekend. I finished a book, spent time with my husband, found some really amazing pizza finally. And I chose to pull myself up out of that funk that the day before I chose to put myself into. I hope there were some reminders in today's episodes for y'all. I know there were plenty for me that I'm continuing to ponder on. So as you go into your next week, I encourage you to challenge yourself to recover a bit more quickly. Feel what needs to be felt, make the decision that needs to be made, and then choose to move forward without carrying that heavy weight of the emotional baggage. Thank y'all for listening. I'll catch y'all next time.