"She Should; She Did" with guest Licensed Therapist, Marilla Garcia | Episode 3

TubTalk with Jill & Tam – Episode 3 🎙️🛁

Dating over 50 is wild… and this episode proves it. 😂

In this hilarious and unfiltered TubTalk episode, Jill and Tam bring in a licensed therapist to break down dating disasters, relationship red flags, personality types, boundaries, and modern dating after divorce.

From awkward first kisses… to coupon-date confusion… to finding a fiancé on dating apps 👀 nothing is off limits.

In this episode:

•  Dating over 50 
•  Relationship red flags 
•  The Color Code personality system 
•  People-pleasing & boundaries 
•  Dating apps & communication 
•  Funny real-life dating stories 
•  Therapist-approved relationship advice 😂 

Plus, Jill opens up about learning how to stop giving everyone the benefit of the doubt and start honoring her own worth.

Grab your favorite drink, hop in the metaphorical tub with us, and get ready for real talk, real laughs, and real blonde chaos.

✨ Talk Blonde to Me ✨

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Jilly, it's Saturday.

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Saturday. We are live. Where are we? Saturday, everyone. Where are we? We're in the tub, of course. Always in the tub. Always in the tub, doing our tub talk with Jill and Tam. Happy Saturday, everyone. Oh my goodness, this is gonna be so fun.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

It's gonna be really fun. We have a surprise. Yes, I can't wait for the surprise.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

So this is our episode three. Oh, I know. That's fun. Okay. So the first episode, we talked about me going on some phone dates.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

Oh, that was exciting. That was a whole mess.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

It kind of was. Well, it was fun. It was a fun mess. Then episode two, we talked about how the dates actually went. Yes. Right?

SPEAKER_01 0:47

How those phone dates. It ended up being two days. So you went on a double date.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

Yeah, a double date. And what was a nooner? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:56

Well, it wasn't noon. It was a nooner. Okay, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

Okay, all right. And now we're at episode three. Yes. Where, and even in episode two, we talked a little bit about the color code. Okay. About different personalities. And now episode three is today. So what are we going to talk about today, T? Today is she should, she did.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

Oh yeah. And it even gets better than that. What? We are bringing in the therapist. What? A real therapist. Oh my gosh. Not just she thinks she's a therapist. Like me. She's a licensed amazing, the best therapist. You know what? I need all the help I can get.

SPEAKER_00 1:36

You do. So let's bring her in.

SPEAKER_01 1:39

Let's bring her in. So I'm so excited, you guys.

SPEAKER_02 1:43

Thank you for having me. You guys are so awesome. I love you.

SPEAKER_01 1:47

She's coming to the tub. Thanks for inviting me. Oh, you're welcome, Marelle. A little background, Jilly, on Marella. Yeah. Is we were on a talk show, a radio show called Lady Logic. She was the smart one, the therapist. I was the trashy blonde. I don't even know how I got that name. But anyway, it was really fun. We became best friends on Lady Logic. So we're going to throw that today. Okay. And Marella knows nothing, and you know nothing. So we are just kind of going off the seat.

SPEAKER_00 2:17

Because we never know what's going to come out of Tammy's mouth. But we never know. We sure do. Makes life fun. I'm just going to move this forward a little bit so everyone can hear us better.

SPEAKER_01 2:28

You look good, Julie. Oh, gee, thank you. You should be dating. Like, not she is a hottie. And she does phone more than phone dating. Well, we need to get her in real life. She has dated though. Oh. No. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

Did you not go to a great concert with a oh I did go to a great concert with a great guy. Yeah, don't be. We even got backstage passes. He is a great guy. And pictures with the person. And pictures? Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:57

Did the blonde hair have anything to do with it? Uh maybe. Gorgeous. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. He's always so nice. He is so nice. Okay. Okay. So let's backtrack for those that missed it. And Marilla is gonna give her input. Yeah. So you kind of got slapped.

SPEAKER_00 3:15

I did get slapped. Oh my gosh. Well, I went on these phone dates, and then I had a couple of men who were, I guess they got jealous. Or I don't I didn't know that I was even like in a relationship because I wasn't. Uh-huh. So I just At least you didn't know. Well, I didn't know. I think he thought you were. We were we were talking and things like that, but I not only talking about what? Well, just about business. Like we would text and talk every day about business, and we were friends. And I but he, you know, he was someone that I had dated before. So I guess coming back together, um, he thought that we were back together. And we were, to me, we were just friends. Communication. Communication. And he not only was sad or hurt, but his daughter reached out and was not kind at all. So double slap. Double slap. I'm in the relationship. Yeah. Communication. I'm dying. So I was like therapy. It was just a lot. They need to be in therapy, I think. Yeah. Well, and for my personality, I just I'm like, oh, I just love everybody. I want everyone to love me back. Yeah. And so it just hurt. It hurt a lot. So she kind of shrugged. I'm just kind of peace made.

SPEAKER_01 4:39

Let's identify who we are. Well, we had that phone slap. What else happened? Just that? I didn't like the tree. I like it though. I love the tree.

SPEAKER_02 4:47

Uh-oh. This is great. Because I'll be on this side. All right.

SPEAKER_00 4:51

That's just behind the. Yeah, let's quickly go over who we are. Who we are and the color and and let's jump into what colors are. What what when we even talked last time? Because a lot of people were like, what are you guys even talking about? Yeah. So what what is the color code, Tam? You are so familiar with the color code. You've taught about it for years. Tell us about the color code, and then we're gonna dive into Marilla and the questions.

SPEAKER_01 5:20

So the color code, you guys, really is who you are. When you were born, what your personality was like. And there's four main colors. But as you go through life, marriage, divorce, dating, kids, affairs. Careers. Anyway, yeah. Oh, I mean affairs to careers. Whoa. I mean just the having children. You know. Yeah. All of that. You kind of change. So the four core colors is red, bull, bold, like a bull. They're in charge. They're just gonna run over you. Okay, money leadership. Controlling leader. Yes. Controlling leader. Yellow is the butterfly, the pretty butterfly that just doesn't like to grant land. They just come and go, just have fun. They extroverted. Yes. Happy. Then you got the blue. Stable. Security. Blue like water. It just kind of moves slowly, just flows. Organized. Family. The mom. I was always my kid's aunt. But anyway, and then we have the white. The white is detail. They have to have detail, analytical. They're just kind of more white, like a white sheet. Peacemaker. Peacemaker, yes. Yes. So that's who we are. So, Jill, what color are you? I am a blue-yellow.

unknown 6:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:48

So her core, you guys, is blue, family, structure, loyal.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

Loyal. Very loyal. Literal. I'm very literal. But I love to have fun. Like fun, fun. Yeah. And I'm spontaneous. So if people were like, hey, let's drive to the beach today. I'd be like, what time? Let's go. Yeah. Yeah. So there you go. Mariah.

SPEAKER_02 7:11

What about you? Okay, my core, I was probably born a yellow. Very yellow, all through high school. If you knew my friends growing up, they would say I was yellow. Became a mom, therapist, all the things. Probably my behavior is more blue-white now. Yes. But my core, my true self is yellow white.

SPEAKER_01 7:34

Because she jumped in the tub with us today. Oh, yeah. Like yesterday and go, you should come to the tub. I'm going to. She shows up in amazing athletic wear. Yes. She looks so good. So beautiful. Yeah, but she's really a yellow. Yeah. And I, of course, am the strong blue, family-oriented structure.

SPEAKER_02 7:52

This is a lie. A lie from the yellow liar.

unknown 7:57

It's fine. It's fine.

SPEAKER_01 7:59

I don't have any literal meaning. I didn't even know people were like that. Like if you said let's go lunch at noon, I might mean one. You guys mean noon. Oh, yeah. Okay. She'll show up when she shows up. Yeah. And be the life of the party. Yeah. There's Tammy time and mountain time. That's how I roll it. Okay. So, guys, here's what we're gonna do. Okay. Our thing is for Morelli. You guys don't know my exciting questions. This is on dating or maybe even marriage, but relationship. Uh-huh. She should, when I read the question, she did. So let's see. What the therapist will help Jill with what she's doing. Because you guys, we she just can't sit around with me all day long. She's you know, anyway, so here we go. So we're trying to help you have healthy relationships, right? Is that what we're doing?

SPEAKER_00 8:47

Yes, but we might want to turn it to her. Uh-huh. She likes it.

SPEAKER_01 8:50

I have my secret lover. Okay, so anyway, here we go. So she goes out on a date. He's gonna turn you successful, very successful, and they sit down and he says, You are paying half, right? What did you do on that date, Jill?

SPEAKER_00 9:08

I was surprised, and I'm like, Well, yes, yeah, I'll pay half. But I was ticked, I never dated him again. Like, I was just not, but I did pay half because I was caught off guard. But what what should have I have done?

SPEAKER_02 9:26

Hmm. That's kind of tricky because there's so much to dating, right? Like, who asked on a date? Well, he asked me out, and anyway. And who picked the restaurant? He did. Yeah, I would never date him again. No, I didn't. Yeah. No, I didn't. I think you did the right thing. Okay. Good job. Thank you. Yeah, because like, okay, listen, let's talk about masculine, feminine. We need to know all those roles, and and if you know who you are and what you want, and that's not the kind of guy you want. Right. Why would you go with me?

SPEAKER_00 9:58

Right. And I didn't, but should I have said, no, you asked me out. You're gonna pay the full bill. Like, what do you think?

SPEAKER_02 10:09

I mean, you could have. Yeah. You know, that wouldn't be a bad thing to do. Right. But hmm. I think you probably did the right thing. Okay. Just by saying, yeah, sure, I guess I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_00 10:22

Kind of just getting out of the date and just being done. Yeah. Okay. Order a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 10:25

Okay, that was a wrong answer.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

Oh, what was the right answer?

SPEAKER_01 10:28

As a yellow. Yeah. You already forgot your purse. You didn't even take anybody.

SPEAKER_00 10:33

Oh, you have the slipstick and lip gloss. See, I wouldn't have even thought about it. Because I'm I'm the responsible blue. I've got everything with me. I even need like Tylenol in my purse, right? I do not take your money.

SPEAKER_01 10:46

I would have said, Oh, you mean me? I don't even have a purse. This is why we need the trashy blonde. Thank you. Thank you. Now we're on roll. Okay, let's go. Okay. Here is the second question. You so you had you went on a date once, and it wasn't really a date. They dropped by the house to meet you. And as you get to the door, he kisses you. Oh leans in to kiss. What did you do, Jill? He leans in. You're not attracted. You don't like him. This was a while ago. What did you do?

SPEAKER_00 11:18

Yeah. Well, I was super surprised. I mean, he just came in and kissed me. So, I mean, I don't know if I even like kissed him back. It was just like, whoa, what just happened? I've never met you before. Okay. No, I hadn't met him. No. We had just talked on the phone a couple of times. How old was he? Um, he was in his 50s, like, you know, dating over 50. Okay. And um he came to the door and just came in and just grabbed me and just kissed me. What app did you meet him on? Um, it was called Facebook Dating. Yes, Facebook Dating.

SPEAKER_02 11:55

And because there's some apps, you know, that we know who are for that reason. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

He knew I wasn't like that at all. It was just surprising. But yeah, so I just stood there stunned. You didn't find him attractive. No, but we didn't date after. No, we didn't end up going on a date. No. No, they what would you do?

SPEAKER_01 12:13

Well, what should she have done for done?

SPEAKER_02 12:16

I would slap the guy in the face. That is so inappropriate. And pushing boundaries, not okay. No, if he was super attractive. I don't know. That would be different. Yeah. Just kidding. No, you should never.

SPEAKER_01 12:34

I love it. I'm trying to be a therapist here. What would you have done too? Well I would have done as a yellow the minute he leaned in, I would have just turned around and said, Oh my yellow, where's my phone? It would have just come out quick. I would never have, I just would have turned and left. That was my deal. And usually yellows are squirreling anyway. As he leans in, she just left for something else. So, girls, you know, I have to what I picked up. You can either slap them or you cannot do it. That's what I picked up on this question. Okay, here's a really easy one. So you find out your ex is on a dating app. Oh. You've just got divorced, you've just broken up, it's painful. He's on a dating app. But his pictures are not good at film. Right. They're not good. Well, it was AI. It was AI. Well, these were just his pictures are not good at them. No. What do you do?

SPEAKER_00 13:26

Well good luck, ladies. That's all I'm gonna say is good luck. Like when they pose as someone just not themselves, then you just know that some woman's in for a ride. Good advice.

SPEAKER_02 13:42

Yeah. Marielle, what do you do? That's what I say. Uh from from the therapist lady, right? Like just let them do their thing. You don't need to get involved. You can just feel sorry for the next person. Glad that you're out, glad that they're moving on because now they'll leave you alone. Well, they're both wrong.

SPEAKER_01 14:01

Okay, so here's what yeah, tell us what you want. Here's what happens. As a yellow, yeah, I'm gonna send him good pictures, and I'm gonna say, look, I have better pictures than those. And you're a good-looking guy. The reason I'm doing that, it reflects on me. Yeah. I don't want anybody to think I dated a doodah. Like my guy is gonna look exceptionally good. So I'm gonna give him new pictures for his dating app. That was so simple. You guys loved it. Okay, Julie. Yeah. You have a gentleman and you're going on a date, but you can't go until after 9 a.m. because 9 p.m. Oh because of coupons.

SPEAKER_00 14:39

Yes, yes. Okay. So this happened to you? Yes, yes. So a coupon for sushi after 8 p.m. So we couldn't, so I'm like, oh, okay. Well, what were we? I I was like, what would we have done after dinner? And he wanted to go like to the park and stuff and go for a walk. So I'm like, well, I guess we're going to do the day before the dinner so that we can go get the coupon break, you know, after 8 p.m. So that's what we did. Yeah. Yeah, we we still used a coupon after 8 p.m. I didn't say, what the heck?

SPEAKER_02 15:17

I mean, he's not even Medicare age. Or was he Medicare age?

SPEAKER_00 15:20

No, no, no. No.

SPEAKER_02 15:21

Because that would make sense. We just had a coupon, you know, fixed budget, like no elimination.

SPEAKER_00 15:25

Very successful. Very, very wealthy, very wealthy. Uh-huh. That very penny pinter, of course, right? Yeah. So we went for a walk at the park and then we went to dinner after. Yeah. And it wouldn't have been so bad, because that sounds like a fun date. Yeah. But he's like, I have this coupon and we can't go to dinner till after eight. Like he made sure I knew. Have you been on a date with this guy before? Uh no, no, I'd never been on a date with him before. Wow. Yeah. Hmm.

SPEAKER_02 16:04

I mean, there's a lot of good qualities, right? Like he's trying to save money and be smart and thrifty, and those are all great Boy Scout qualities. Yeah. First date. Yeah. I mean, I guess he's showing you who he is right from the front. You know, no, no secrets here. He's just like, yeah. But he's also kind of telling you what you're worth. Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:27

Well, that's how I felt. Yeah. And I don't need like the most expensive restaurants or anything like that, but it it was just an interesting dynamic.

SPEAKER_02 16:36

Yeah. Yeah. First date, first impressions. Yeah. I would just like uh file that away. Okay. You know, and if the date was fun enough, see if he continues it. Like this is just good information to have and hold on to and then see where we go from there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:52

That was pretty good advice. I would say, I'm sorry, I'm allergic to sushi. I can't have a coupon. I have to feel important. I have to have that BL over 100 where they're all the American Express blackout. And they're like, here's my card. Yeah. I'm like, oh no, I can't do sushi. Okay, so do you have one last question? Oh yeah, here we go. One last question. Here we go. Here we go. You once dated someone who was on a dating app while you were dating them. Yes. It was more than dating.

SPEAKER_00 17:24

You were engaged. Oh, that's a different word. Here we go. Oh fiancee. Yes. Yes, but found out that he was on a dating app. So let's switch this around. What should I have done?

SPEAKER_02 17:38

And then I'll tell you what I did. Break it off immediately. Well, I mean, okay, sorry. I should say, uh, I would talk to him about it. I would pull up the evidence because oftentimes people just deny, deny, deny. So I would screenshot things and make sure we have the evidence, and then I would say, hey, we need to talk.

SPEAKER_00 17:54

I have evidence.

SPEAKER_02 17:55

Yeah. Okay. And then I would bring that up to them and um give them a chance to, you know, communicate through it, explain it. Right. I doubt there's going to be any good excuse. Right. Um, maybe I hope that the that at that point you have access to each other's phones, all the passwords and everything, because that's really in healthy relationships. There's no secrets. I love that. Yeah. Okay. Then we don't have to share everything, but at that point you're engaged, you're gonna marry this person, you're gonna give your life to them. There should be no secrets. Okay. So if he can't show you his phone and let you look through that on his end, okay. When was the last time you talked to somebody? Like maybe he just and and then if he's been on it recently, I would that would be the end. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:40

Well, what I did do is that I'm the queen to give them the benefit of the doubt. Of course. Yes. So I'm just like, you know what? I I I understand, you know, if which was bull crap, right? I shouldn't have no. And so I did get the benefit of the doubt, but we ultimately ended up breaking up. So yeah. That was nice. I know.

SPEAKER_02 19:05

But I'm glad you didn't make marry him.

SPEAKER_00 19:07

No, I did not marry him. Um, and knowing now, now that I've been able to learn how to set boundaries and to stick up for myself, I wouldn't have put up with it for a second now. Good. Yeah. It's always 2020, right?

SPEAKER_01 19:22

Yeah. So the yellow, what would you have done? It's so easy listening to you two. It's just amazing. And the communication and all this. The minute I found him on the dating app, I would have been on an app dating. That's what you do, you guys. Don't get upset. Do every tragedy you find humor. For sure, I would have instantly put myself on an app with a younger group of men. I mean, yeah. I have an older guy. Yeah. I would I always like younger. Okay. And then I would have just gone on a couple dates. It's all good, you guys. I don't get too sad about life.

SPEAKER_02 19:53

Oh my gosh. Do you still marry him?

SPEAKER_01 19:55

I never marry. I'm not bad at all. I'm not good at it. I I have a certain time period and I get bad. Oh my word. I know that because my mom said, darling, after my second divorce, I hope you're not getting thinking of getting married again, darling. You're such a cute girl. I said, Mom, I don't think I'm good at it. And she goes, You're not. So that is a family. Thank you, Mary Lane. Yeah. And I was going to remember to close this call. The way you ruin a good romance is to marry it. And you go that from three blondes in a top or three girls in a town. Yeah. One yellow doesn't marry, one blue's loyal as the day is long, and one blue white. You gotta communicate with them. That's right. Hey, we love ya. Talk blonde to me, Marille. We'll talk blonde to you, and you'll solve our problems.

SPEAKER_00 20:47

That's right. Talk we're always gonna shoot straight with you and talk blonde to you. And just know that we are here for you guys. We love doing this, right? We've gotten so many of you reaching out saying, we love your tub talks, and so we're gonna keep doing them. Yeah. And we're gonna have Marilla here. Thank you so much for being here. Thanks for inviting us.

SPEAKER_01 21:08

So fun. Shoot us your questions for Morale. It's gonna be really fun. We'll see you back here in the tub in a couple of days. It's gonna be great. Have an amazing Saturday for something crazy.

SPEAKER_00 21:19

Go on two dates. Go on two dates. And stayed in over 50. It's rough, you guys, but it's over eight. All right. Have a fantastic weekend, you guys. We love ya. Love ya.