White Man REALLY Can't Dunk

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

How about that line that I dropped from that girl, dude? Matchless girl on some sort of things. Please let me know. She got the glasses on, took the selfie. And the glasses reflection. She was holding the phone with two hands. So I said, the two-handed selfie really brings out your eyes. We're going out. We're going out two nights from now. For real? No. Yo birds. I don't even got the sunglasses on. I see. I don't even got my bird stuff on either. Yeah, well, after last episode, dude, we got a clown with fucking Barney. That was no good. All I gotta say. Last week, our live video. Which one? Oh wait, they haven't. Oh wait, where you beat me in basketball? Nah, the part that got me. White man can jump. Dude, it looks so good. If you watch it in slow motion, I'm going up. It looks like I'm gonna dunk it. No. You can't pull my basketball. Alright, so white man can jump, they can't dunk. Yeah. Alright, we'll take that. Yeah. I took an L and L ever off of the deck. I think we both did, bro. I see my body. Yo. When I was loading the truck. Oh my god. Yeah, talk to me about the day after at the big smile. Oh my gosh. The sweat that was getting into the cuts of my freaking hand, bro. I still have thorn marks on my fingers. That's what I showed my mother today. I was waiting for him to come out. Bro, but they it's your fault. You switched the directions. I wasn't thinking, bro. There was a reason I wanted to go that way. And then when you said it, I was like, I stopped thinking too. When both of us were thinking, yeah, damn. No shades today. It was a big one. You well, we both bust eyes. I just didn't fall. I just didn't fall. My cameraman stopped filming because he thought I died. Yeah, he misses the impact because he thought I was seriously hurt. Nah, the only part I for that I'm really mad at, he did not actually get the fall. And we ran through the actual gate. Because he he was concerned about my well-being. He's a good friend of mine. But I told him, I said, do not stop. Whatever happened, don't stop. Just keep on recording. That's fine in theory and everything, but then when shit hits the fan and you think someone actually died. I mean, I thought I had I had one leg. There's no way my knee wasn't busted open. Nah, that was good. That was but now when you hit that the the curb. Yeah, that's what fucked it up. See, because I predicted it before. I said, I'm not gonna be able to stop myself. I'm running into the fence. It would have been fine if we were going the other way. I was prepared for that. I wasn't prepared for fucking Eliza Thornberry and the fucking curb. Needed a machete to get through the fucking wilderness on the fence. Yeah, I woke up. I thought I had, I thought I was gonna have poison ivy. This whole shit, like right here where my watch is at, which like all whoops, bro. Yeah. And that shit hurt. That's your fault. You challenged me to a race, and I was dumb enough to accept it. I caught my breath, so I was good. Yeah, I caught my breath. Someone was good in the chat. They said, Yeah, you're embrace. I said, nah. Alright, let's go.

SPEAKER_01 3:54

I mean, I thought to add it all.

SPEAKER_00 3:56

I call my shades on. I thought, you know, I mean, I thought to add it all on. You know, we did baseball and shit, so why not? Oh man, here we go. I mean for the shades because I embarrassed myself. I threw it 69 miles per hour. I was so pumped, dude. I got my backup shades. Yeah. Honestly, Drew, that the I think it was the I gave you everything I had. Yeah, no, the second one? After I hit the ball over the gate the first time? Foul ball. Foul ball over the gate. Okay. That young, the young kid that was there that we did not get on video, he he got an arm on him. Tell you that. Well, it was a lollipop. He threw an eye. It don't matter. You gotta throw that shit on the line. This thing was like, yeah. But you still didn't catch it? No, because he he did overthrow me. So he in that sense, yeah, he had an arm. There's no we no way anybody can overthrow you, bro.

unknown 4:59

I'm not that tall.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

Here we go with the whole thing. You could have jumped. You could have had it. This is so tired and overplayed. But anyway. Same thing with the yeah, we're old. We established that. The second one, which he didn't post before. I didn't post anything with the baseball yet. Okay, the second one. I thought the jump was gonna hit me. Alright, so looking back on it, it probably was not a strike, but I dusted you off the plate. But you've seen it, right? Yeah, establish the inside part of the plate. Yeah, I need that corner, baby. I say. Aaron Nolan knows. I say, oh, he really trying to take me out before I take him out. Trying to establish the part of the plate, man. Damn. This is one pitcher tries to establish the inside part of the plate, and you start throwing the bat at them and hitting it with that. That's why you lost baseball or couldn't play anymore. Man, listen, that was back in what? Like what? I was in 10th grade. I graduated 09, bro. Fact check dude. You said you were 18. Oh nah. You still got a fact check. He's flexing for the camera. I graduated in 09 too. I'm not flexing. No, I'm not flexing. That's how we did our 09. How did y'all do it? We didn't go 09. No, we didn't flex. Oh, you did gang signs for 09. Alright, that looks like 03. It's 09, bro. Nah, I think 03. You gotta go like, you gotta put it. I'm not twisting my hand. Yeah, there you go. Now doing all that. Nana's gang sign. Yeah, but at least I see 09. Oh, what's her name? Oh na. Speaking of that. Speaking of Arianna? No. Ohana. We had a new follower. Loves our podcast. Finally, dude. She loves our podcast, bro. So that was for her then. Yeah. She knows. She knows. When I say she loves our podcast, she came up to me all the time. Talk about it. I'll never forget. She was gone for a while. Came back. I had gone nights. I saw her in passing. I had never gotten a hug that big in my entire life. Dude, I thought I was gonna suffocate. She is love. She's a hugger, bro. She's a hugger. I'm telling you. She'd be like, I don't know how that I don't know how she said it in her language, but to me, it's high Taiwan. I hear my name, that's it. I'm like, okay, oh Nana. What's her name? She was she was on the big one. Like when you go to the casino, you hit the jackpot. I just started blasting over the speakers. Oh Nana. Yeah. Loved it. God, her rate tripled or quadrupled that day. Shout out. Shout out to Rihanna. I love Miso Rihanna. Alright, calm down. Because I was talking about the big smile employee. You're talking about Rihanna. Because you just mentioned Rihanna. I mentioned her before. Don't matter, but I'm in love with Rihanna. Oh gosh. I hope this gets out to her. And ASA Rock ain't gonna do nothing. I got nothing. I don't want to say anything. I don't know what to say. I had a couple things, but we'll move on from that. Yeah. How about the birds tonight, dude? They pissed me off. I ain't gonna lie. You acted like they lost a Super Bowl 48, nothing. It was just a preseason game. I understand that, but they're supposed to show out preseason. They're supposed to show out a little bit. They show out in the Super Bowl. You're right. You're right. But the quarterback could at least do something. We're not gonna do the Jalen Hurts thing on here. You asked me about the game. Jalen Hurts didn't play. But you asked me about the game. Alright, so you're worried about our backup quarterback not doing anything? Which he should have done something. Who was it? The running back. Happen or should have done. Somebody. Backup or whatever. The Ravens had backup. See, this is the mindset of Philadelphia fans that's so frustrating. You asked the question. Yeah, I know. I know. And I knew the response I was gonna get. Yeah, it sucked. We got blown out by the Ravens. Oh well, we could go 0-3. We're gonna, you know, compete for the Super Bowl.

unknown 9:20

No.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

I'm just saying. God, what are you gonna be saying next week before this episode drops? Dude, we're going against the Patriots. Oh, and actually, this is gonna be cool because in this episode, we're recording now, and then we're gonna add Derek back. We're gonna get some, you know, you know, post-game reaction, Eagles Patriots. People like Derek. People love Derek. Oh, I see. He showed us up, dude. He's so good. No, he showed you up. He did. He showed you up. Yeah. That's your friend. Yeah. I would ask the question. You wasn't. Oh no, because I was no. I mean, you even though you you knew the answer, so that yeah. Yeah, the questions were good to come from you, but I was just blown away by his prof I don't want to say professionalism, but that's what it was. Like he was prepared and ready to go. Yeah. It threw you off a little bit too. It definitely a lot of shit to do. A lot of shit to make it bar. Yeah. Oh, like the Asian roommate. Asian female roommate. I was so excited for that, dude. Your reaction was priceless. Because, like, how, bro? Alright, so here's how I met her. So when I worked at Brio, which we'll get into down the road. A lot of Brio's stories. We went out every night. You know, you work at a restaurant, you make cash, you go out. We went to Miller's Alehouse. Miller's Alehouse. That's how we're here. Yeah, but it's a Florida-based bar. Okay. Nice spot off 73. Go there, we're have a server. She's nice. I'm with this guy who's like friends with everyone. Tall, skinny black guy. Kurt, yeah. Shout out, Kurt. A lot of black guys always become friends with everyone. The whitest black guy. Like he should not have been black. I'm sorry. I was blacker than him. He would sing Fallout Boy at the top of his lungs. Yeah. It was all right. So Kurt, great guy though. You've always been. And Lisa was our server at Miller's. And I forget how we're talking, but Kurt knew that I was going down to Florida and going to full sale. And it came up like, oh, yeah, Jason's actually going down to school in Florida too. Where are you going? She's like, oh, it's this school outside of Orlando. You know, no one's hard. Oh, me too. Is it full sale? And she lit up like a Christmas tree, dude. Full sale. She was going there, starting the same exact time. Like this school, okay. Normal universities, you go back into August, beginning of September, break, you know, Thanksgiving, Christmas, spring break. This school you go, it was a month-by-month semester, like specialty school for entertainment, music, movies, like so you know, trade schools, how you go. It was like that for the entertainment industry. So I went for music business.

unknown 12:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:24

Met Lisa Chung and Miller. She's my server. Oh, so that's why that's how you became doing all this. No, some of this becomes you know with music cell, sorry. No, I did this because I'm funny. But some of this. This is all my parents' shit, man. So are you saying are you saying I got my funniness and creativity from them? No. School. I hate it. You went to school. You went to school for music, right? Because I like music and fist bumping. I went to Raves. And that's what you went for? For music? Yeah, because that's what satisfied people who told me, what do you want to do? So what I'm saying, all I'm saying is videoing and mic. Creativity, yeah, dude. That's what. Alright. Stop. Use your words. Say, oh, that's why you're creative, or something like that. Man, now I'm embarrassed. Yeah, I'm creative as fuck, though. My short, my shorts are getting really good. Come on, the water boy one. Bryce is sitting there playing video games. I go to the bathroom. I'm thinking about the Steph Curry like music video thing that I did. I'm like, damn, I need songs. Like, and I just go, I believe I can fly. I'm like, space jam. Remember that opening scene? He goes to drunk. Dunk? That has nothing to do with I believe I can fly. But he goes to he goes to dunk. And I was like, oh fuck. I tried the dunk today and failed miserably. And we just kind of forgot about that, right? Jason Watkins brain blast. Fuck Jimmy Neutron. I had brain blasts. 20 minutes. Oh, you can't say fuck Jim. Oh, Jimmy Neutron now. You're right. You're right. Goofy, please edit that. I'm gonna get I'm gonna get shit for that. No, no, no. Don't edit it. But Jimmy Neutron was a good one. Listen, man. He got a big head. And he got the girl too. Cindy. That's what you're getting, man. I know. Anyway, I had that type of brain blast. And I think, all right, I'm going up the dunk. I line it up, and I was like, oh, I need something. Oh, oh, we fucking suck again. That's what I wanted to put at the end. And that was from the Water Boy. So I searched Waterboy quotes. I was like, oh, you can do it. I was like, oh fuck that at the beginning. And then it lined up her. I didn't realize, like, oh, the chat is like doing it. So he's the chat. So I got that in Space Jam. I'm thinking, like, oh, all right, I miss. I need like this guy fucking sucks, or something like that. And I think Spongebob, oh brother, this guy stinks. Boom. 20 minutes later, we got the clip. Jay, when I tell you, bro, I was in tears. Yeah, I was laughing too. And as I was laughing it, I showed it to the kid. Price loved it. They have no idea about the uh water boy one, you could or the believe I can fly. None of that. But the SpongeBob one is where they actually started dying. But I can't put it out there for kids because if I do that. No, you can't, but I'm just saying. I know, but if I do, you can't comment. Yeah. There's nothing bad in it. There's no cursing or nothing. But if you do kids, then we don't get comments. And we don't we don't get that guy like John today commenting, wasted seven seconds watching our video. But the only thing I'm mad about though is that in the beginning, which I don't know you've seen. Yeah, I'm short. But I grabbed Rim. Yes. I grabbed the rim and he did not get that on video. Oh, do you? Oh, really? It's not on video. It's not on video. Yeah. Well, then I can't do you a favor and make you an edit. I was gonna go back and find the footage. I mean, you can try, but I don't think he got it on video. No. Bro, when I say I grab rim, I was excited. I say, damn. Grab rim. Pause. You didn't even grab rim. So I know you're not talking. And you like 6'3. Okay, okay. I can grab the rim if there's not a basketball in my hand, you fuck. Damn, I cursed the head. Your hands are bigger than mine, you can't palm a ball. My hands are not bigger than yours. Bro. Come on. Your hands are gonna eat mine. Yeah. And you can't palm a ball. No. I got big feet though. Oh man. They just went a whole different way. Oh my god. I'm gonna have fun with that edit. That's part of the head. That's what makes this podcast fun. You get the rail off everything, dude. I know. Yeah. Bro, does Taiwan want to punch you in the face? No, this is how we are, dude. Like he knows how I am. I know how he is. Sometimes I do. But I I can't. You can't what? Punch her in the face. I guess that's how I've avoided being punched in the face. So I don't have a punchable face. You definitely did back then. Really? Even when you thought every girl wanted to plow me? Before that. Okay. I'm the one who helped you out, but before that. You ain't believing yourself. I got such a punchable face right now with these glasses, dude. How about that line that I dropped on that girl, dude? Match this girl on some sort of days. Please let me know. She got the glasses on, took the selfie. In the glasses reflection, she was holding the phone with two hands. So I said, the two-handed selfie really brings out your eyes. No, but that sounded cool. She responded real serious with no LOLs or LMAs. And so I didn't respond. Hey, yo. Don't ever use that long again. That was dude, because it it brought out her eyes. Yeah, but hold on, time out. But the thing is, here we go. You did a whole lot of research to see that you did two hands. Yeah. I zoomed in. I would normally be the one making photo myself. Good job, dude. I would say the same exact thing tonight. I'm like, what is he talking about? That's with all this research, dude. You're doing zooming in. I'm sitting there looking at the bitch. I'm like, two hand. I'm good at level with you, dude. I was stumped because I'm my witty lines are what gets, you know, replies and dates. And I was like, what am I gonna do? Like, she's she's a beautiful girl, nice eyes, and she had a son, or no, daughter. It gets confusing with them. Very nice. A lot of pictures, one sunglasses picture. I was like, oh shit, dude, those are really reflective sunglasses. And I thought of mine the night that we tried the recording. You guys wouldn't let me record because you could see, which you can probably do with these, but yeah, you could see everything in those. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, that's what I thought of, and I zoomed. I was like, let's get the backstory behind this selfie. And we got the backstory. Should you use my line? Wanna fuck? Nah. Well, I ain't gonna lie to you. My I use the corniest line ever. Speaking of corn, that Philly's twins game made me corny the other night. Alright, now you can get it. I never in a million years did I think I would get to use that joke. But I get you gave me the opportunity. Oh gosh. Alright, go ahead. Speaking of corn. The corniest, the corniest pickup line I ever did, but I also still I like I literally still got the girl from that line. On the little fly swatter or swapper, whatever you want to call it. It's a swatter. Okay, swatter swapping this off. Okay. So it was it was a brand new one. Don't worry, guys. It was brand new. It was clean. I took it. And I hit her when I say, What your fly ass. Yo. I could not do that to a white girl. Are you insane? And I got the number. And I got the date. Well, you already know the date. No, you got a date. Jay, when I tell you after I did that shit, and I walked away and I replayed it in my head over and over and over. I say, that shit was the corniest shit in the world. So are we about to go to the golden nugget right now with a fly swatter? What's up? I mean, I'll I'll swat it. With your fly ass. Could you imagine me going off to someone? What's up with your fly ass? No, I I couldn't do it like that. That's four. Can I say what's up with your fly ass? What is up with your fly ass? No, you got with your fly ass. That's it. Oh, you don't? Okay. With your fly ass. Yeah. Yeah. That's how I did it. I got a thing to do. I would do it with your fly. But don't hit them too hard, Jay. No, I would make sure they hit them hard so they turn around. I don't know. I told my mom, told my sister, I told all of them. They say, how do you even get a date when you say some corny shit like that? So I have no idea. That's how I got my wait. First off, you put me on the phone with someone at the Big Smile when I was in a really short phone. I didn't put you on the phone. No, I did not put you on the phone. No, you the person grabbed my phone. Right. In the break room, obviously. No. Hell no. No, I'm trying to help you out. Fuck no. Okay. You don't gotta help me out for the phone. So the phone. The phone's grabbing. How do you know who this is? Thankfully, I know. Great girl. Awesome person. She starts questioning me, and she told me I'm not allowed to say baby mama or BM. So what the hell am I supposed to say? My son's mother? Well, it could work. No. You could say yeah. Alright. I mean, that's more respectful than them saying to me. That's what I do. She's a fan, so I don't want to disrespect her. No, no, no, seriously. That's what I do. Right. With my son, mom. I never say it. You just did it. My son's mom. Because I'm used to it, because I've been saying it ever since. I don't never say baby mama or anything like that. Or I use her name, which I'm not going to do that for the podcast, but you know, my son, mom. You just kept us to yourself, huh? You couldn't tell me this. You didn't think you needed to tell me all the times I was saying BM. Oh. Sorry. Sorry. I'm a lot. Alright, so we're not going to say that. Where are we going with this? My son's mother? Yeah, your son, mom. No, some mom. Don't say some mother. Some mother. But what are we talking about before that? We're talking about the chill fly ass. Oh, yeah. How I got her. I asked her the Netflix and Chill in the middle of a dinner rush. Yeah. She was real. Wait, wait, wait. Yeah. Hold on, I forgot about this one. Say that again. Netflix and Chill. That's all you asked there. Huh? That's all you asked there? Yeah, but I mean, I had planted the scene and had grown into a sequoia tree well beforehand. I just had to Yeah. Come on. You don't ask someone to Netflix and Chill like to Netflix and shit. Like, you have to know it's gonna work. Otherwise, you're like, what the fuck are you doing? True. I don't know. Hey, look, it worked. I mean. Yeah, it always works because I know I make sure it's funny. You know, there's 20 letters in oh hold on, hold on. How do I I gotta get this one? 20 letters? There's no 21 letters in the alphabet. There's 21. Oh wait, I forgot. U R A Q T. No, you're supposed to say 20. There's 20 letters in the alphabet. And you say 20, I say, oh, I forgot. U R A Q T. That's five. And you say, that's 25. And I say, Oh, I forgot. I'll give you the D later. Boom. Okay, Hitman Holler. Maybe we got some female listeners with that. Listener. Listeners with that. Okay, Hitman Holler. Hitman Holler? Mm-hmm. Who's that like Mike? No. Hitman Holler. He's an underground rapper. And why doesn't he come above ground? Afraid of sunlight? He's an underground rapper, but he also is a he also a famous rapper, too. But he also plays on Wildin' Out. Okay, so he's an underground rapper who's famous and is on Nick Cannon's Wildin' Out. Yeah. Okay. Everybody knows who that is. So I'm not even going to explain who he is. Who is it? Hitman Holler. Hitman Holler. Now I think, okay. He doesn't kill people. I'm a hitman. I hope and pray he sees this. We got to tag him in this one. Huh? We have to tag him in this one. Yeah, I'll tag him. Dead serious. Yeah, I've been tagging. I've been tagging. I see. Oh, I seen. Yeah, who'd I tag? I know you on tag. That light, bright, nice guy. The nice guy. Hey, he clowned me. He made you look good. I didn't tag him. I hashtag him. But the only thing. Hashtag. I did not tag him. So I'm sorry to get off topic, but the hit me and Holly Park, but what about the hater we just had? Yeah, I brought him up earlier. He's not a hater, though. He was very nice in his response. He was very nice. Yeah, you know why? Because I fucking got his ass of logic. But in the beginning, he was a hater in the beginning. No, he was just upset. He thought Steph Curry was going to be in the video. All I say was, this dude knows the video. I said, this dude knows I don't like Steph Curry. And look what he Wait, you know who he is? No, but I'm just saying. And I say in there, I say, look what he's wearing. Yeah, I think he just wanted to, he wanted to help out. I think, yeah, I'm giving the benefit of the doubt, dude. He commented, then he he took my response, he read it, and then he commented. Not only did he give comment again, he wrote like three or four sentences, dude. That was a lot. Oh, you didn't say share that with me, so I didn't know. Yeah, I did. I said uh I ain't seen it in the group channel anymore. Oh my god, hold on, pull up right now. How about me sharing the video accidentally on my own profile? And we got two people commenting on it, laughing. We got a hundred views. I got six followers. Yeah, you never know. Go follow me. Thoroughbell. Who? You only send that one, that one right there. Oh, this one, okay. And that was it. You didn't send the other one. No, damn. Fuck, you're right. Who did I send it to? No, I apologize. I am so sorry. There we go. Yeah, no, I'm wrong on this one. Good job. You got me to prove it live on air. Alright. I can't use my fucking phone. That felt good. Who did I send it to? Oh, this is the one where I went to send you guys another message and I didn't see that one. I was like, who the fuck did I send it to? I didn't send it to anyone, so I guess I never sent it. But yeah, hold on. I can pull it up real quick. Keep talking. That actually felt good. What felt good? To know that I was right. That's how I feel a lot of times with people, yeah. Like I literally felt, I said, oh shit, I'm right. I will always admit someone else is right when they're right. Yeah, because my thing is I always make sure I read all our messages. I may not comment. It may not text bet. And let me let me explain to you, it's a lot of text messages. And I read every lot of text messages. But Jay, you know I read all of them. And I'm I'll read. Honestly, I assume you don't read some of them, but that's good to know. I realize I've realized you read at least 80 to 85% of them. No, I read. And I believe that because of the amount of responses I've gotten. Yeah. I read I feel so guilty because I'm like, I'm sending it to this, this, this. Oh, but you wanted to be in the group chats. There's a lot of group chats. How do you think that's the three different ones? Thorough Studios, shout out Goofy, Thorough Media, shout out social media. We can say it now, Crystal. Okay. And then shout out to Thorough PR. Yeah. We'll keep her silence for now. She's going to be a guest eventually, but we got PR too. She was supposed to bring us food. You know, I'm a fat boy. I'm a fat boy, so you know she got to bring us food. She should bring like mushrooms wrapped in clams or something. Tell her that. Hell no. She's going to listen to this. I'm going to make her watch this clip. I want some wings. I won. Listen. Going to we're going to go to a fancier restaurant, high ass. Dude, they got wings. Listen, okay? It's either wings, mozzarella sticks, or calamari. Or baby shrimp. First off, it's calamade. Calamari. Calamari. Calamad. Calamari. You're gonna get shit for this one. I used to be like that too. I used to say calamari, but it's calamade. It's calamari. Says who? Says the Italian people. And the Spanish people. Meats and cheeses and that deli shit. We're first on the list. I'm bringing fried squid and I'm saying, how do you say this shit? Deli meats and fried squid. No, what no? Ask chat. Yeah, how do y'all say it? Is it calamari or calamad? We don't have a chat. Like it's calamad. I forgot what I was doing. We're at 30 minutes now. Calamari. Alright. Taiwan, as we do on all episodes. Let's end it the way we always do. Clear eyes, full heart. Stay thorough.

unknown 31:40

Oh man.