What Drains and What Fills You?

In this episode of IntroPowered Tribe, Osei Daniels talks about the importance of learning what drains you and what fills you back up. Too often, as Helping Professionals, we try to use one solution for every kind of exhaustion, but spiritual, emotional, mental, physical, and social drains each require different kinds of refills.

Using the reminder that “different drains need different refills,” this conversation helps helping professionals, ministry leaders, introverts, and caregivers slow down long enough to listen, discern, and refill intentionally.

We explore practical ways to recognize when you are:

Spiritually drained and need worship, Scripture meditation, prayer, quiet time with Jesus, communion, and space to hear God again.

Emotionally drained and need honest journaling, safe conversations, tears, counseling, mentoring, and naming what you are carrying.

Mentally drained and need fewer decisions, screen breaks, quiet, written priorities, and freedom from constant multitasking.

Physically drained and need sleep, hydration, nourishing meals, stretching, walking, and better rhythms with caffeine and rest.

Socially drained and need solitude, quiet music, a no-talking drive, reading, and peaceful time with Jesus.

This episode is a reminder that rest is not weakness. Rest is stewardship. Even Jesus withdrew from the crowd to pray, rest, and reconnect with the Father. You are not called to pour from an empty pitcher.

Key Scripture:
“Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” — Mark 6:31

Main takeaway:
Slow down long enough to listen to yourself. Honor what you need WITHOUT APOLOGY. God cares about your whole self.

Practical Challenge

This week, ask yourself:

“What kind of drained am I?”
Then choose the refill that matches the drain.

Summary Points

• Not all exhaustion is the same.
• Spiritual, emotional, mental, physical, and social drains need different refills.
• Jesus modeled rest, withdrawal, prayer, and renewal.
• Helping others does not mean ignoring your own limits.
• Refill intentionally before burnout makes the decision for you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:08

What is good, my intro-powered tribe? Welcome back. This is your host, Ase Daniels, and we are a community of like-minded introverts who are learning to say no with a smile to make room for our bigger yes. Okay. We are focused on lifting the floor with our emotional intelligence, our emotional resilience, again, our courage, our willingness to stay into alignment to our values, our core beliefs, what we want to be true for ourselves, to make room for our bigger yes. That's God's plan and purpose and identity of who we are without apology. And we we're starting to make room in 2026. We're starting to make room, we're starting to carve out space without apology because there's nothing wrong with us. We just gain energy and recharge a different way for what the what a lot of people in the world do, which are the extroverts. And again, I don't love the connotation that the introverts have. But I believe that same success is ours for the taking intro powered. This is what we're gonna do. Again, we're lifting the floor and we are raising the roof. This is the goal of what we're doing today. And I'm excited. We're gonna continue our series on running on empty. This is for helping professionals. I'm talking about pastors, ministry leaders, educators, uh therapists, counselors. This is for us. This is our space. And again, you may have formerly known as introverts, but this is the intro power tribe because we grow in community, we grow in tribes, and this is where our community is giving us permission. Maybe for the first time you've ever felt and given permission to be awesome, to shine bright, to not have to apologize for being fantastic and gifted and passionate in where you are. This is what we're doing. Okay, and so today I thought we would go over, and and this is the again, we are powered by the ability to say no with a smile. That's where we get our power. Setting healthy boundaries with confidence. Okay, and and I'm reading my notes here. Recharge with kindness, not just to others, but to ourselves. That's personal stewardship where we need to prioritize becoming and remaining the best version of ourselves. So when we say yes, we're doing it out of a place of abundance, we're doing it out of a place of joy uh instead of out of a place of obligation and regret and bitterness. Okay, of course, here's my wife calling. Um podcasting with fine, fearful, insecure, neurotic, emotional. You're you're literally on the podcast. Okay. Fearful, insecure, neurotic, emotional. Alright, that was fun. Didn't have to pause the podcast, but again, fearful, insecure, neurotic emotion. What about youth leaders? Years ago, when I was a uh teenager, and I still remember years and years and years and years and years later, he said he would always tell us that with people he would lead a group of challenged uh teenagers, and he would be leading the group, and every and he would have everybody go around and again lifting their floor by in challenging them to become more emotionally aware, it's being a name where their challenges were. And he he would tell them every time they responded with fine. Oh, I'm fine, where they're they're they're checking for the group. Oh, okay. You're fearful, insecure, neurotic, emotional. Okay, see, these are these are things that we cannot remain and default in. Okay, so we have to increase our level of being aware. And today we're gonna be talking about what drains us and what fills us. Okay, we're gonna highlight five areas of our lives, I believe the five big main areas of our lives of what drains us, and we're gonna address specifically what fills us in place of those things. Okay, so we're gonna jump right in, and this is all I wanted to talk to about. The first thing I wanted to talk about today was was uh we're gonna start with physically. We're we're we're a lot of times we're drained by um we're drained, we're human beings, we're not human doings. Okay, so we have to uh give and receive, we have to pour and then feel. This is the process, this is the principle. But a lot of us helping professionals default to pouring. We default to running to the problems, running to solve, running to put the fires out, but we never take time to fill and never take time to recharge and to reset and to gain back what we poured out. Again, that's not sustainable. And with the longer we go without refilling and recharging and resetting, burnout is inevitable. And burnout is not something that we want to default to to always have to recover from. This is this is I need us helping professionals, and this is what I really prioritize when I speak with my clients. I start with the floor. We have to lift the floor. Lifting the floor, emotional awareness. It's about being aware and really specifically, and I've been on this burnout series, uh seeing burnout coming a far way off. We have to see it, we have to recognize it, we have to be aware and to know and to be honest with about what's going on with us physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Okay. I'm missing one. Socially is another one. I this uh we're gonna dive into that first for us intro powered, okay, because we tend to get drained a little bit more and we need to come away. And just like Jesus took his disciples, he took them away, he took them away from the crowds and he said, Come let us rest a while. This is that active recovery posture for the Christ follower for the helping professional. Okay, here we go. So we are drained by physically working long hours and heavy workloads, and this is again, this is being in alignment. Even when we find a job, there's still an alignment process that we need to follow. And again, we we are lifting the floor by becoming more aware, but we're raising the roof by finding spaces and working jobs where we are in alignment to our gifting, to our passion, to our personality, and to the season or to the assignment that God has called us to. Okay, we we don't talk like this in normal Christ. And well, in my faith background, we don't we don't have this kind of language, we don't have this kind of dialogue, and this is what we're gonna be tackling, this is where we're gonna be going into, this is where we're gonna be addressing, but we have to identify what drains us physically, long hours and heavy workloads. Again, see why we have to start saying no with a smile. Some of us still, still from post-pandemic have been picking up more roles and responsibilities without a even a name, title, bump up, and where we're getting more role, more, more uh responsibility, but the the title hasn't changed, nor has the compensation. So we end up working long hours with heavy workloads. Oh boy, see, this drains us, y'all. Poor sleep and irregular schedules. And I'm gonna be talking about this for a while because I'm finally, after man, has it been a week or two? Either way, I have a pinched nerve in my neck. I'm finally feeling better because that pinch nerve took me out. I couldn't work out, I couldn't sleep properly, and it drained me. I didn't want to do anything, and it drained me physically, and and I had enough to find, I had to drag myself to work and immediately leave right after because it was so uncomfortable, so painful. Some of us know as you and it doesn't, and I believe that doesn't matter if you get older, but if you sleep, if you have improper recovery processes, that's good, y'all. When we're our in when our recovery is improper, when we have the wrong pillow, we have the wrong bed. Listen, there's no better investment than our rest and what we need to do in order to rest well. No better investment. Okay. Couples, I'm telling not, you know, not just the physical intimacy, but I'm talking about rest, real rest. Don't be cheap on the bed, y'all. Don't just be cheap. Now, uh, you know, we need to have a nice bed to be intimate. There's nothing wrong with that intimacy, and we need to do that on a regular basis. But again, when we have poor sleep, we're not sleeping enough, helping professional, you will be drained physically. Okay. So and see, helping professional. Here we go. Skipping meals or relying on caffeine and sugar. This caffeine, y'all. I'm telling you, it drains us. It it literally uh uh dries us out that caffeine and these and the coffee. Okay, and I get it, it's it's a cultural norm. It Starbucks is where it is today because of us helping professionals. We uh, I mean, we can't, it's like we can't start our day without it. I'm telling you, but it's it's not sustainable. It's not because it's it it it there's a lot of negativity, and it physically drains us when we rely on this caffeine and and skipping meals. We're oh, we're go, go, go, do, do, do. That's the mantra for some of us helping professionals, and we don't even stop to eat. We're always rushing in the morning, rushing. As soon as we get to work, rushing, missing our our lunchtime, lunch break, our well-deserved. You know, I'm wrestling with this word deserve because a lot of us don't feel like we deserve it. It's it's not a deserve situation, it's about a sustainability process, which we need to be refilled physically with proper food, okay? Lack of movement or exercise. We gotta, I gotta get a t-shirt. Keep moving, whatever it takes, whatever the investment, whatever the cost, we have to keep moving. Our bodies were literally created and built to move, and we have to not be sitting on a regular basis. Yeah, and we hope we've all heard it by now. Let's see, some of us haven't heard it, but a lot of us uh don't recognize that sitting is almost as bad as you smoking on a regular basis, it's equal to the the the the damage it does to the body, just sitting, okay, and thankful for these expensive Apple watches that it prompts you to get up, get your butt up from sitting, helping professionals, you know who you are, and some of us just default to sitting or we are constantly running and we don't we go to one extreme or the other. Always sitting or always go, go, go, do, do, doing. Neither is sustainable, and so see, these are the things that um that that drain us physically. And when we ignore, the last one is when we ignore our body's need for rest. Taking a break, taking a vacation. Now, that's not an instant uh uh uh uh uh recovery plan for burnout. There's there's a lot more layers, there's a lot more nuance to burnout, but when we when we ignore our bodies, again, because we have maybe we're not aware that we're really that tired. Y'all ever, y'all, some of us just like me, where you know the holiday, like we had today's a holiday, uh, Memorial Day. Shout to our um to those who serve our country and keep us safe. I'm I'm truly appreciative. The police officers, the the the military personnel. I'm truly grateful for the protection that you've offered for years, the things that we have no clue of what you've been protecting and keeping us from. I'm thankful and shout to you all. As you again, you're a helping professional. And and and we are thankful for, you know, I don't I don't I don't have to agree politically, where some of our leadership has decided to kind of bully and posture themselves. But I appreciate you all that are serving and helping in the danger seen and unseen for us. Thank you for shouting off on Memorial Day. Uh, but again, physically draining us is our body is not limitless. Rest is not a luxury, it's a necessity. Come on, come on. It's not a luxury, it's not something. Oh, when I when when uh when the when the season is right or when this part of the year, and then and let me just pause here. There are seasons, like I just like some of us are educators or in the educational field. There are seasons when things get a little bit tense and you got to dive in and you got to kind of push yourself to get to a certain place to end the year, okay? But I'm I believe that there needs to be better, more effective, more efficient systems in place so that we don't always have to burn the needle at burn the candle at both ends, and we don't have to continue just uh uh at the end of the year pour everything out, pour empty the tank. I don't believe that's the case. We need systems, okay. We're not talking about the championship run, you know, with it's been a great series with uh Oklahoma City and uh San Antonio Spurs. They've been it's been fantastic basketball, fantastic coaching, and fantastic play. But this is this is not equal, these are not all equal levels, okay? It's us helping professionals, okay. They they understand what it what it takes physically, and I believe they need systems on a consistently put into place so that when it's time to pour out, you have uh things in place, you're ready to endure. So we have to have the endurance, the physical endurance. Some of us are not taking care of ourselves, and when it's time, we we pour the whole thing out, but then our recovery is that it's exponentially longer because we haven't been sustaining it regularly. Okay, so we're talking about things that drain us. Okay, so let me talk about what what what what what we can do to address the physical drain. Okay, let me go through these quick. Okay, to address when you're physically drained, we need to sleep. Yeah, quality sleep, not so much as the quantity, but the quality. And you know, we have all these metrics, all these, you know, REM and all these different things that that that uh measure whether or not how how long and how much quality our sleep is. And we need to find the best uh way that we can gain both quantity and quality sleep and rest. Rest. Huh? We need to do it. Helping professionals hear ye meet, receive ye this. We need to rest well. We it it's it's not a luxury, it's a necessity. And I believe in exponentials, and I believe as a Christ follower in the kingdom of God, that there are exponentials when it comes to the kingdom of God. And when we follow the principles and and the process of how God wants us to live in alignment to his word, alignment to how we are to take care of ourselves physically, and we'll get into the other areas when we go and when we touch, when we show up, when we are in our space and on our lane as a helping professional, I believe we can do exponentially more once we honor the bodies and minds and hearts and and capabilities and the resources and the bandwidth and the margin, once we honor those spaces, we can do exponentially more with less time and become more effective and more efficient. I believe that. Okay, that's why when God says He will bless and multiply the things we touch with our hands. Okay, I believe that, but we have to do the work of honoring ourselves and practicing our personal stewardship where we take care of ourselves and making sure that as we pour, we are not just pouring our emptying our cup, but filling our cup, filling our pitcher, better yet. Not our cup only, but our pitcher. We have to fill it, okay? We need to fill our pitcher. Okay, all right. So, how do we do that physically? Hydration. Part of this this challenge I'm doing a 75. Well, it's not, you know, I've I've AT and I have have come to the point where we understand we've done this project, this, this, this, this physical and mental challenge exercise, intense thing called 75 Heart. And if you've heard of it, you know. We're we're one thing we've done, and we've, you know, we've we've done 75 Heart, we've started it, stop, started, stop. We've done it so long that it's become part of who we are, and when we're the best version of ourselves. And and part of it was to drink a gallon of water every single day. Listen, let me give you the hack. If you're gonna do that, start early, get up early, start, boom. Go have that water waiting by your bed, uh, by your on your nightstand, and lukewarm water, room temperature water. Cold water will run through you in the bathroom all day, can't sleep, waking up. Just trust me on that. Okay. Um, what else can we do physically? Again, we know what drains us. So now what do we do to refill, to refill and to recharge ourselves physically? Um, physically, we need to eat protein-rich meals. Notice how all of a sudden everything is about protein, because they know the world knows and society knows that we are the protein depleted and deficient, and that's why we're we're crashing out and we have a lot of negative health challenges because we are not prioritizing our protein intake. Okay, not the carbs, not the sugar. We these are things that we got to really be wise and really be aware and really be informed on what protein helps us better. And again, 75 Heart is teaching me a lot about my health and my fitness and my nutrition, okay? And this right here stretching. What refills us, what recharges us, stretching. Some of us focus on lifting, but we never stretch. This is, I'm telling you, it's not it's not a sustainable practice. If you want to be fit, you want to have endurance physically, you won't make it unless you stretch. We have to have the endurance, we have to have the flexibility and the strength. Those are the three, those are the big three: strength, endurance, and flexibility. But in order to reset and to get back to yourself before and after workout, pre-workout, post-workout, stretch, stretch, stretch. I don't care how young you are, it's preventative medicine, it's preventative. Uh, and and uh your recovery will be less intense and won't last as long as those who do not stretch. Okay. Okay, so we're talking about physically walking again. Some of us we we we we we want to lift the whole gym and we want to run a thousand miles. Some of us, okay, you got some goals, you want to do a marathon? Okay, cool. But I'm telling us, don't sleep on walking. Walking is a hack. I'm telling you, you can throw the weight vest on. There's ways to to make it more challenging, but we need to find something that we could do on a regular basis and walking now. Summertime is about to start, first day of summer, walk, walk, get up early, avoid the hot sun. Again, we'll see the hydration. See how these things go together. But in order to recover and to recharge, to reset, to refill our picture, we need to be moving. And and and and and and and we talked about the caffeine. We need to reduce the caffeine, especially late in the day. If you choose to get it in the morning, I'm here, not here to judge. You get it, you get a little boost. Okay, got it. But at late, as we're trying to get that quality and quantity sleep, caffeine don't don't doesn't enter there. Some of these sodas and these these are so full of sugar and caffeine, it's crazy. Read the bottle, read it. Because again, we want to make well-informed decisions. Okay, let's keep going. Let's keep going. Let's go on to mentally. What drains us mentally? We need to be aware of these things. Number one, constant decision making and problem solving, helping professional. We are con they are always coming to us, they're asking us a bunch of questions, and and we only have certain X amount of decisions that we can make in a day, especially in in the healthcare field, and these spaces, mental, I mean, these spaces are very intense and and it's very uh life and death dependent. Some of us are really the shout to the nurses and the and the uh the AIDS, that those who are helping measure and to count and to make sure that the person that's needing care has enough of XYZ A B C. You need to be focused, you need to be clear minded, you need to be sharp so that these numbers and and it can be accurate based on the need of the individual receiving care. And so if we don't, we again we're getting mentally drained. That's why these breaks are so important. We cannot keep going mentally and allow ourselves to be drained because the needs can are very sensitive for some of us helping professionals. And the detail is the the the the devil's in the deep I don't even like that term, but y'all understand where we're going. We need to really be paying attention to some of these numbers. Some of us are high, such high-level helping professionals that the numbers that we dictate and share will based on you. We're talking about million-dollar budgets. And see, again, we need to be sharp. And we're but when we're mentally drained is because we're constantly making decisions. We don't have a system of delegation, helping professional. Who are you delegating to? It can't come all on you, Moses. Huh, leaders. It can't fall all on you to make every single decision. It's not sustainable. Okay. What else means? I got I man, let me keep going. Information overload and screen fatigue. This is why I'm trying to go back digital. See, I'm I mean, uh I'm talking about gold match analog, pencil and paper, pen and paper. I got a planner. Shout to the full focus planner. I use it on a regular basis. It's if y'all look for a planner, that's a good one. But sometimes we we there's too much information. Even chat can give us way too much information. Slow is fast, and fast is slow. Some of us need to slow down mentally, stop the the social media and the information age. Now it's the AI age. This the in the level of and and the speed and the intensity of the information that we have access to at the touch of our fingers and on our social and our on our expensive phones and devices that we pay for, less is more and less less is more. Okay, we need to slow down with the information because again, see the challenge is it's not the information, it's it's whether or not we have the system and the community and the support and the encouragement to go along with the information that will help move the needle. Okay, and some of us are so mentally drained, intro powered. We have notes and notes and notes and notes, but we don't apply, apply, apply. And we're drained, we are constantly. Some of us I'm looking at we all do it. My notes are full. When was the last time I went through and audited those notes to see which ones I even need anymore? It doesn't matter because we have endless space on our devices now, endless spaces in the cloud to store these things, and we think, oh, it's not a big deal. But I'm telling us, we get mentally drained, okay? And this is this is a harsh one mentally. This is a harsh one that drains us. And some of us that have may have come up in my faith background, and some of us from religious backgrounds that have grown up, and and we and and perfectionism and unrealistic expectations will drain you mentally. It will it will sap your energy faster than anything, than the standing in the sun. It's a dangerous posture, and it's unrealistic, it is unbiblical, it is not what Jesus taught, it is not what the Bible teaches and its principles, it is it's out of alignment. The idea that you have to be perfect. Some of us have been so mentally drained and really spiritually abused by believing you have to be perfect. It was only one person who was perfect, and that's our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. That's He's the only, He's the He's the one that was perfect in order to save us from our sins, so we could get into the gospel. This is the gospel, but some of us say we believe the gospel, but we live differently. We live according to this perfectionistic and unrealistic expectation, and it's draining us. It's draining us. And and even on your job, and you think you got to be perfect, helping professionals, a leader. There's no space, you're not really being a great leader by having a perfectionism or having unrealistic expectations for you yourself or for your team. That's not being that's not good leadership because it's not sustainable. It's it's there's no way it's gonna be able to endure. You're gonna run out of gas, you're gonna burn out, and the end is gonna be worse than the beginning. Well, I'm saying it wrong, but y'all understand what I'm saying. Okay, what else drains us mentally? Multitask or lack of focus. And I fall into this trap. I do, and I believe I have a tinge of, and I don't like labels, but I I'm fighting uh uh uh uh uh ADHD. I have a version of it. Um, and I haven't been officially diagnosed, and you know, but I know me, um, and I know well enough about ADHD to know that the level of focus is is a struggle for me. And I recognize that I need to do better at guarding off time so that when you do it, again, it's about being effective and efficient. But you can't do that mentally when you're always distracted. You got your and and and I got it all right now. I got it all right now. It's do not disturb. Let's see, you see the one, it's the one right at the top, do not disturb. We spend a lot of money on these devices. Y'all gonna hear me say that a lot. We do spend a lot of money, but some of us don't use these resources to the to our benefit, and we always have always on, always accessible, always ready for questions, always ready to respond, always ready to dive in, always ready to help and to to bail people out. That is not sustainable and it's gonna drain us mentally, always being on. That do not disturb, we're gonna get back to you. We got you. Intro power, we got them. Shite, say with me, I got you. But right now and today or this week, I don't got you. That's why we need to, like Stephen Covey says, we need to guard our calendars with sharp edges, especially when we are off duty. We need to guard that time because when we get back in, we're all in. We hit the gas and we love doing it. And again, to see about that alignment, we love what we do, but we need to make sure we have off-duty spaces to refresh, to reset, to recalibrate, to restore. Okay. Oh, and this this is this is a this last one, as far as what drains us mentally, is when we worry about outcomes you can't control. This is this is a faith posture that we need to be more trusting of God and less trusting and of our of ourselves and our ability to to again to bail people to run and to solve and to help and to to to fix and to uh uh recover. We we do all these things to keep safe and to protect. We do all these things, but we there's certain things that we literally cannot control. And what are we gonna do? We can't give that mental space and energy because it's gonna drain us. A tired mind can't think clearly or serve well when our mind is tired, and again, I'm talking about less is more, less is more, less is more. I'm telling this. And I use the pomodoro, I try to challenge myself. I haven't been doing it lately, but there's a there's a method called the pomodoro method. 25 minutes on, five-minute break, come back, 25, 5, 25, 5, and that last, that uh that third or fourth, I forget, I think it's the fourth round of it, is when you take a longer break, where you're you know, 25, 30 minutes, whatever. But that 30, that that three rounds of 25 minutes can be more effective and more efficient than us working. Some a lot of us working eight hours, that hour and a half. And I believe that our world and our our our economy and our our our nine to five paradigm has shifted. And I believe that we don't need to work that eight hours if we are producing the results in two that normally happen in eight. And this is this is a dang, it's it's it's a little tricky because again, based on our ability to and our need to recover and to restore, some of us are in danger of being so effective and efficient that we start trying to crowd more into that eight hours as opposed to spread. It's it's a delicate dynamic, and I'm still working through, I'm still kind of thinking through it and praying through it. But I want to make sure, like I have interns and I challenge them to um, and I don't I don't have you know hours and you know uh if you solve the problems, if you get the metric, if you're able to do it effectively and efficiently with systems, you I believe you should get paid the whole amount of time as far as hours because you're you you you are able to check the box and and accomplish the task and the and the metric, it it doesn't matter how much time it takes now, and I believe that's the new the new currency, okay? And we should that's why you don't is as a plumber or whoever comes, they don't get paid by the hour. Or they they may they may, you know, certain ones. Most people don't care how long it takes, as long as it gets done. And if it gets done, we could we could cry and complain, but the longer we cry and complain, oh, I'm gonna do it myself, I'm gonna YouTube it. That's just more time you use as a I'm I'm willing to pay. Um, y'all listen, I don't mind paying how much I want it done fast, and and you know, we have to try and go fast, good, and cheap. I don't want it cheap, and I because I want it fast and good, I'm willing to pay for it. Okay, let me keep going, let me keep going. Okay, so how do we re-re refill ourselves mentally? Mentally, we refill ourselves by reducing decisions. That means delegation intra-powered, that means delegation helping professional. We need to trust people on our team, people on our staff, people on our ministry team. Hey, you make a decision and you let me know based on these principles. We kind of give them guardrails. Hey, this is the goal. Uh, this is the begin with the end in mind. These are the things that we kind of frame and we give them uh a criteria in which to make a well-informed decision, but we don't have to make every decision that's gonna mentally tax us, and we know we have to um leave room like Moses finally got it with Jethro. My man Jethro father in law said, Yo, what you doing ain't good. This is not gonna be good, uh, Moses. One of my favorite comics today and I this ain't gonna be good, Moses. You gotta delegate. The path you're on is burnout central. Okay, that's the street you're on from Moses. You can't do it. Let some other people that you trust to grab hold of the quote unquote lesser things. Again, those lesser things add up quick. And I just like I tell my high school students, they want to hang on the hallway every time I pass them. I tell them tardies and absences add up, you can hang, but the bill comes due. Oh, they oh, they they're gonna learn, they're gonna learn. Either way, take a screen break, go outside, get some sun, you know. And I know I it's not, and to me, it's okay if you want to listen to some music, you know. You know, I but some of us we need to have margin and we need to have spaces of silence, spaces of not having to rush, spaces in our day, spaces in our in our calendar where we can we can just sit and just be without waiting, without our phone buzzing and ringing, huh? Alert, alert, alert, alert. And some of us like that dopamine fix, but it's not sustainable. It's not again, stop, and I uh this is hard for me. And and and again, this is a this is an area of growth. Stop multitasking. All the successful people know you can't multitask. That's why that Parmadore method is really effective and efficient, and really will help move the needle. If you could just say, you know what, I'm gonna be disciplined, fellas, my brothers, helping professionals. Discipline, y'all. Discipline, systems, trusting the system, trust the process so that it can be effective and efficient, and you won't have to do, do, do, go, go, go. Let's keep going. Let's keep going. Number four, and we're going through all of these socially, socially intropowered. And again, we we do get drained by being around a lot of people, groups of people. You know, it will happen to me all the time after I after I would preach or after I would do a seminar or workshop or whatever it is, I would be drained. I would be drained because I'm peopling. That's what it today and I call it. We're peopling a lot, and people tend to drain us, okay? And that's okay. We it's not about what drains us, it's about the system we have in place to refill the drain. Here we go, socially. So, again, about being aware. Too much time with people and no time alone. That's why I get up early. I like being alone, I like recharging, and I like uh medit doing my spiritual meditation and my journaling in the quiet. That's why I invested in these expensive headphones, these noise cancellation headphones. Best investment I ever made. I need a quiet because I can think, I can process, I can be still. The Bible says, be still and know that I'm God. Be still in your spirit, in your mind. This is a rare commodity in our world today. Whereas go, go, go, do, do, do, buy, buy, buy, uh, click, click, click, tap, tap, tap. It's going so fast. And I'm telling you, the more we have guarded time for for sitting alone and and sitting quiet, it's gonna, it's gonna reach. Uh, so again, socially, managing difficult personalities or conflicts. Hmm, this is gonna drain us socially. It's gonna drain us. It's gonna drain us. Because difficult personalities, big personality, we don't have that big personality, intro-powered. But when we have to manage and we have to be around, and we have to um listen and kind of uh figure out what's going on and figure out what the plan is, and and and and and giving that emotional energy to making sure in that mental, in that social space, right, around other people, in the meetings and et cetera, et cetera, the these are these tend to have a lot of big personalities and a and and you always solving problems. That drains us. That drains us, and we need to be aware of that. Margin after the meeting, you should have margin at least 15 minutes to just uh not rushing from meeting to meeting to meeting, zoom to zoom to zoom, meeting zoom in person, meeting and on Zoom, driving. We need to stop and put some margin in our calendars. That's why I love shout out to calendarly. That's what we use because it builds in time so that people can't overbook us. So it tells you could tell it, hey, put 15, 20, 30 minutes between each session and only make that time available. Yeah, right. Um socially, we need to, we need, we need, we need margin. And I'm jumping ahead, I'm kind of mixing it, but these are the things that drain us. What else drains us? Feeling the need to be everything to everyone. Helping professionals, we love it, but it's not it's it ain't gonna be good. We love it. We do, we get that dopamine fixed by helping, by checking that box, by being being the go-to person, right? Mr. Miss Dependable, but it's not sustainable. We cannot be everything for everyone, and that's where the alignment comes back in. That's where being aware of our gifting, being aware of our passion, being aware of our personality, to know what we need to say yes to and guard and what we need to say no to and guard what we need to say yes to. Again, the awareness socially, if we die, if we can't can't be everything to everybody, lack of healthy boundaries, always saying yes, intrapowered. This is the this is the lifting the floor, healthy boundaries. We know when we around a lot of people, we need time to rest after a margin in your calendar. Say no, say no, say no with a smile. Because you're not sorry. I'm not available. That's it. Don't and see what drains us a lot of times socially is having to explain and to not uh uh try to uh navigate the emotions of the other person. That's not our responsibility. Clarity and kindness is our responsibility socially. How they choose to respond to your answer, your no, that's on them. And because are they waiting until last minute? Not my problem, it ain't man. This is this is these are these are the folks that I counsel. You helping professionals we we lack healthy boundaries, many of us, because we we were afraid of the other person's uh uh emotional response to our no. But if you really understood, and if we really got to the point with quality relationships, no, should draw that person closer and those groups of people closer to a more trusting, more intimate, more understanding relationship with you, than you saying yes and you and you pretending to agree and to go along with everything and everyone, but then they look at you crazy, especially your close friends, like no, you ain't being honest. No, that don't that don't belong here. No, I say stop lying, be honest. What do you want? What don't you want? Tell us good friends. Want to know the truth, and we gotta stand on it, y'all, socially. And and last one, what drains us socially being around a lot of negativity and drama. Shout we like I remember T T used to back when it was around. Uh, now it's gone either way. Things change. But T T has had a catchphrase that we love drama, and that is not us intro powered. We hate drama. We and see, I need us to put in our phone. Here come drama. When that person called, change their contact name. This is they they full of chaos, drama. Uh-oh. No, mm-mm. I'ma I'm gonna put it, send them a voicemail. They'll leave you a vest. If it's that important, they'll they'll leave a vest voicemail and I'll get back to them. But we cannot be around a lot of drama and a lot of negativity. We can't do it, it drains us socially. It drains us. What do we do? What do we do when we need to refill socially? And even though we're intro-powered, again, being intro-powered, the definition says we need to be alone without apology. Because there's nothing wrong with us, we just need that time to fill our picture in solitude, and anybody who starts feeling the kind of way, they don't understand you. And it's not, it's not, we can't make decisions based on other people's weaknesses. So if they don't understand, that's not our issue. If they, if they want to, if they want a relationship with us, they'll understand. And we can explain it to them to a certain extent, and we just have to trust that if that's what the relationship, and that's the season for this relationship, they'll understand, and you'll circle back, you'll get back with them after you have a season of solitude, and you can determine what that is when you feel filled. When you you again, we have to know when we are these things, when we feel, when we feel drained and we feel are getting filled. What fills us socially and how solitude can do it, and how long we need in order to feel filled. Quiet music. Again, I gotta I gotta say this is I remember when when I was working at a certain school and and and I was in a suite, and it was it was four of the people, three, at least three. One, two, three, one, two, three, three. And you know I I needed about I made the investment, y'all. And I was telling, I'm telling you, it was the best five hundred dollars that I sell to the Apple uh the AirPods with the Max. That's what I bought. Worth every cent because being in that suite, it was very distracting and and I don't know if it was part of the ADHD or what I just needed I just needed a way to block off the world block off other things so I could focus and do what I'll my role and responsibility okay a no talk drive I know it's tempting turn on the podcast turn on the music call somebody or call somebody back just drive and just have some silence on the way to work on the way home from work I try to do it when I'm on my way home from work just to kind of let the day go leave it in at work right and just be silent sit with you some of us don't and we need to work on that and we need to find and we need to uh uh create and to build and to become more comfortable with just ourselves with just us and and I'm working on this this this this this challenge just like 75 hard a version of that where we a challenge will just be to look at yourself in the mirror for 60 seconds every day look at yourself we need to love ourselves love your neighbor as much as you love yourself and this is not a selfish prideful posture but it's a respect and honoring posture that I believe many of us intro powered and helping professionals need to make because the the problem is is when we don't love ourselves we need that affirmation and validation from any and everybody else and that's why we keep going going going doing doing doing because we constantly need that validation it's not sustainable it's not healthy it's not wise and we start doing and saying yes to things that are out of alignment to our values and then we live in regret and shame and guilt and oh and then we go to the Lord oh forgive Lord is like you need to say no next time I'll forgive you but you need to say no because you already know that person and that group and that space is toxic is unhealthy it's not you can't be there socially you can't be around that environment negativity and drama and you went because you didn't want to make that other people person feel bad I'm not available. And again we got to be really wise and really sensitive to understand when and where and how to do certain things and when to do them and with whom and and lastly how to refill and how to fill our picture when we're socially drained is to make sure we have sitting with Jesus we we need to sit with the Lord. I mean I mean just to sit with the Lord some of us there's been some lies that we think that there's some harsh judge looking over us as opposed to a compassionate savior sitting savior sitting next to us caring about us loving on us choosing us having our back wanting to hear any and everything to for us to be brutally honest and to be duly uh truthful with him in the spirit confession the power of confession y'all to sit with the Lord to be to to to share and to unburden yourself from from mistakes from lies from belief systems that have been buried in our heart or our subconscious that need to be spiritually excavated that's what time with you and the Lord represents and that's a social posture that we need to make sure we have consistently with the Lord through journal reflection that's what I do and I pour my heart there's brain dump I have some radical raw honest conversation with the Lord that I never say with the to anyone else not even my wife no my best friend nobody understands those but I trust the Lord Psalm 62 verse 8 trust the Lord at all times pour out your heart before him God is a refuge for us one of my favorite verses he's a place of safety pour out your heart the lies the lust everything get it out confess it that is what a way that and we trust that what God says about us and what he will do for us and how he will forgive and to cleanse us that fills us because we finally believe what the word of God says about us. That fills us socially and let's keep going let's keep going man this I hope y'all enjoying this but this has been fun for me emotionally okay what emotionally drains us uh uh this is number five holding space for others pain and trauma okay my wife is a is a mental health therapist I chose to do pastoral counseling um I I didn't love the labels that we get paid to label people I didn't love that and I get it and I respect the labels and I believe they are um they are very helpful in it for a season but I don't believe it should be a perpetual kind of a ball and chain for someone's whole life okay and as I believe how we speak about ourselves is really important and and and and so emotionally we are trained to carry others' burdens okay life burdens things that are too heavy for one person to carry grief loss disappointment sadness shame guilt these are things we're we're taught and trained to help carry for other people okay and and and and this is this is a challenging this is a challenging space because again we cannot be their savior you are not their savior helping professional especially those that are in the mental health emotional awareness space pastor you're not their savior jesus is their savior and we need to find any and every way to continue to point them to Jesus so that he can be the ultimate burden bearer the sin bearer we give them tools and techniques and principles and and and and systems and journal reflection questions and open-ended questions to help unearth and to confess the lies that to bring out it's about it's through the confession it's through life and death during the power of the tongue it's through verbally acknowledging and admitting and talking through that it begins to come out and we finally can take it from the emotional pain connected to the amygdala to the prefrontal cortex the amygdala to the prefrontal cortex so we could come up with a game plan we could come up with a system we could come up with a process and a plan in which to address the challenges to address the pain to address the trauma but if we just sit there with the emotions and the amygdala is the alarm bells are ringing and and we just sit in there and and when the session is over and that you know and we and my wife is is is brilliant at how she does it and she says she doesn't open anybody up during a session without taking time to bandage them back up. Again taking them from the emotionals the amygdala to the prefrontal cortex game plan process systems what they can do practically how they can process those emotions on their own lifting the floor for them so that they are not just devastated by the pain and by the trauma that they've experienced and then they start making poor decisions. Okay this is this is what happens um uh emotion we again we get emotionally drained by compassion fatigue I'm talking about the passion folk helping professionals we're passionate but we get drained because we're so passionate and we're empathetic we're empathetically overloaded because we are taking on things usually out of out of our lane out of our field of expertise out of our field of experience and we take it on and and and really sometimes let's be honest there's a lot of pride involved because we're so passionate we want other people to know how passionate and how much we care we start taking on things that are not in our lane are should not be in our lane and we and I'm telling you that is one of the easiest ways to drain yourself emotionally by taking on someone's pain and trauma that you're not equipped and in and and and and and trained and and and empowered to do now that it's it's a it's a delicate space okay where we can be a a we can practice the the the the principle of presence for our friends for our family members for those that are in the valley of life where they're where this is a way of which we can carry again being physically present and to be supportive or to be on the call and to listen but that try to solve it and not try to think that it's on me if they succeed or don't succeed and they or they're able to come up out of this challenging space and situation without you we got to be really careful about that emotionally we I mean emotionally is where us intrapowered really need to guard our hearts the Bible says guard your heart with all diligence guard it meaning guard the temptation to try to solve it all to try to be the savior to try to be the fixer for everything there are certain things that are certain things that need to fall into their knapsack or their load where they can carry on their own carry uh each one is to carry his or her own load Galatians 6 verse 5 this is a spiritual principle that you need to we we're where either you're taking too much and you're trying to carry the load the burden by yourself that's the the the like the the the the the boulder which no one person can carry by themselves or we're taking on roles and responsibilities that should fall onto that individual specifically okay and I'm not talking about the mentally challenged you know that got diagnosed I'm not talking about those individuals they need support specific tailored directed to support but the but the as much as much responsibility that they can carry and and be and on their load that they can easily handle we need to take our hands up off it and allow them to do that okay I'm talking about paying bills I'm talking about uh washing their clothes I'm talking about um eating I mean take washing themselves you know these are things that they we can't do all that for them and keep constantly reminding them of stuff like that okay let me let me keep going un emotionally drained when we have unresolved stress and bottled up feelings we're not being honest I'm fine again here we go fearful insecure neurotic emotional emotional because we are allowed we are allowing the amygdala to stay ringing is the fire alarm system in our mind and we don't process it effectively to bring it to the prefrontal cortex what's the plan what's the how do we become more effective and efficient how do we address this okay and we sit in our emotions now we need to acknowledge and feel our emotions but then not allow those emotions to determine our decision making it's the principles and the values that determine our decision making not our emotions we need to honor and acknowledge our emotions but we cannot allow them to make our decisions but when we're emotionally drained and we just want to feel better and we want to numb and we want to cope with the big emotions that's when we usually make poor decisions see again some of us helping professionals don't have we lack healthy outlets to process these emotions we don't have a therapist we don't have a counselor we don't journal we we we we pretend and we go go go do do do we that we never take time to process those emotions and it comes up and it and it becomes worse than the first and we we and then we end up being bitter and we we we we become disconnected and and then we lose connection with our purpose and with our our our our belief that we're making a difference that's burnout that's burnout because we don't have the system in place to address our emotions in a healthy way last one y'all and and man I hope y'all enjoying this again we are also drained by feeling like no one is there to support that's a lie that's a lie because we haven't made room we haven't invested resources and time and money into it by getting a coach getting a therapist getting yeah it can't be our friends y'all it cannot be our friends only therefore they're there to to to be be present but they can't do it all for you they there's certain things that we have to confess and unburden ourselves to professionals okay I'm not talking about the the pastor and I believe that we all we there's maybe it's three three four I'm working on it for us to be the next best version of ourselves we need to have a therapist we need to have uh a coach and we need to have a small group three of those and I'm kind of in between the coach and the the therapist where I don't diagnose and prescribe and I don't label and I don't identify what your diagnosis is I don't do that but I'm more on the the these um this pastoral counseling is right in the middle it's like the comparison is like the physical therapist after you break your leg. You go to the the therapist and the quote unquote doctor and they help bend fix and to to to mend the leg to to replace the leg and to put the cast on etc but then once you come up out of the cast you need the physical therapy you need to be able to to depend and to kind of lean on yourself and to to to kind of rebuild the muscles around that injury so that you can continue to move forward right that's what pastoral counseling is kind of an analogy for the hospital where you you go in for something they do the ABCs airway breathing circulation they deal with those things right away boom they get you out then you go see the physical therapist and then once you get there then the physical therapist then you they pass you on to the coach or and or the small group where you can become the next best version hopefully leaving the challenge that got you in the hospital I'm working on I'm working on it okay so last thing y'all last thing last thing is did I do all five I did all five spiritually nope spiritually what happens when we're spiritually drained spiritually drained again Galatians 6 verse 2 verse 5 y'all gonna hear me reference that a lot that scripture reference carrying other burdens others burdens without time with God we're pouring but we're not refilling we're doing doing doing going going going hear me pastor hear me elder hear me ministry leader this is this is where we we we we crash this is where we crash and because we're going going going doing doing doing if we're not careful and we don't refill if we don't restore we don't reset we don't refresh going going going doing doing doing will put us in a place of bitterness and then all of a sudden we completely shut down and then there's spiritual burnout where we feel disconnected from ourselves we feel disconnected from others and we feel disconnected from God that's that's where we get spiritually drained because we're going going doing doing doing doing and some of us and we believe the lie that if I don't do and if I don't go if I don't answer every call and then I'm not praying for everybody and interceding for everybody then I'm not I'm I'm not being faithful. You know these these we have these we religious uh uh uh brow beaters quotes and and statements that we we level on each other and we waylay uh each other with unbiblical jesus never had that posture why do we but again spiritually drained doing for other for people without being filled by God again spiritual dryness or lack of intimacy with Jesus usually you know you're being close to burnout is when your time with God is unguarded and it gets swept away by other people's expectations other people's demands etc etc I'm talking about children legitimate quote unquote but I'm telling you if we don't guard it and we don't tell them you know and we we we put again we put a system in place while I'm doing this you should be doing that and I'll I'll get with you after you finish the the the the the schedule and the routine of what we already have in place young people need systems and they need structure and discipline so that we could spiritually refill as parents as leaders y'all y'all see where this goes this gets is feeling unseen and unappreciated in ministry this is this is this is this is a tricky space because everybody needs and and and feels good when I was about to say deserve but feels good to be appreciated to be acknowledged for the work you're putting in it feels good. And I believe as leaders we got to be really deliberate and again we have to have a system of making sure our people on our team uh that are under us ministry wise you know whatever it is make sure we have a system in place to acknowledge their work acknowledged individually find out what their personality is find out what what what restaurants they like and what you know what kind of coffee I don't it doesn't matter whatever it is not too much coffee because that's where I sleep not in late at night anyways find ways to acknowledge them you know their love language find that and speak their language now and then for us that's why our having a spouse that's that's really gets it and taking time and even if you know what even if you just buy for yourself invest in it for yourself uh go to that concert go to that that that workshop go to that Comic Con or whatever it is fun that you like it it yes we need to be acknowledged and it's important that we do and the people over us should be deliberate about that but if we don't find a way to acknowledge it yourself to find that inward acknowledgement and to know that again see how the alignment comes in because sometimes we need to trust that we are doing what God has called us to do what our what his plan and purpose is for us so that we can have that sense of fulfillment on the inside and in our relationship with him and we can hear him say well done and we can we can feel that and experience what that means without the external validation. Okay and this is this is dangerous comparing your behind the scenes to other people highlight real comparing uh you being on first base to someone else's third base this is dangerous spiritually y'all and we fall into this trap again spiritually it's not only in our relationship with God but it's the things that we can't count or measure and that's why you know and I know for me I fall into this trap a lot where I'm comparing I'm looking at social media I'm looking at what everybody else is doing oh I should be here oh I should be that it it's God has been convicting me it's about small steps great distances and and and what always encouraged in the Bible verse uh uh uh don't get tired in well doing okay and in due season you shall reap right but what happens is is that it's about about consistency is what moves the needle y'all consistency with margin consistency with margin wise simple practical easily accomplishable if that's a word things that you could do to remain consistent so that we're not always being drained and we're not refilling okay so we talked about five ways that you five ways we are drained in in our in the areas of five areas of our lives in which we are drained and five ways and practical things that we can address and do that help us to be refilled recharged restored so that we can do exponentially more for others that we can do on our own without a relationship with heaven without our connection with Christ without being an alignment to our values to the principles to to to our our gifting to our personality and to our passion this is the goal and this is what again we're lifting the floor And we're raising the roof, right? We're raising the roof and we're lifting the floor. We'll start with awareness. That's a floor lifter, is the awareness, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, socially. Are we aware, intro powered to know the things that drain us, to know the people that drain us, to know the spaces that drain us, to know the task that drain us? Real quick as we close, one thing that drained me was trying to create my own website. It drained the life out of me. The amount of hours and late nights that I spent, I regret it to this day because if I would have just gone on Fiverr and found somebody that I really respect and really appreciate their work and spent the money up front, it would have saved me so much time. See, that's just it's a great example as we close. Are we willing to invest so that those things that used to drain us won't anymore because we've made the investment, we've put the system around it, we've delegated helping professional. This is what we need to do. This is the space that we need to live, this is the way we can be effective and efficient so that less is more and we can live in the exponentials, we can live in the overflow. But we have to start with the awareness. Okay. Remember, as we close, nice guys and nice people do finish last, but kind ones rise to the top and are sustained there. See y'all next time.