Brandon's Testimony

In this powerful episode of The Testimony Table Podcast, Brandon shares his raw and personal testimony of battling alcoholism and depression for years. Feeling trapped in darkness, hopelessness, and addiction, Brandon opens up about the pain he endured and the turning point that changed everything.

Through faith in Jesus Christ, Brandon experienced true transformation and freedom. He shares how God not only pulled him out of addiction and depression but miraculously removed the cravings that once controlled his life. This episode is a testimony of redemption, healing, and the life changing power of Jesus.

If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, depression, or feeling lost, this conversation is filled with hope and encouragement.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:09

What's up everyone? Welcome to the Testimony Table Podcast.

SPEAKER_00 0:13

The podcast with real stories, real struggles, and real miracles. How everyday people care how Jesus has in their life forever. And I'm Brandon, and we're both your host seriously back to here today.

SPEAKER_03 0:26

This show is all about giving God the glory, telling the truth, and bringing hope to people who need it most.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

And we can bring heavy into a team of recovery because Jesus doesn't just forget.

SPEAKER_02 0:37

He restores.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

He heals, he delivers, he can put it out of anything.

SPEAKER_03 0:46

He can turn message.

SPEAKER_00 0:50

We believe Jesus is still living today, and testimonies still have power.

SPEAKER_03 0:55

And we are here to fulfill the mission He gave us. The Great Commission. To go, to tell, and to make disciples. So pull up a seat, Lena, and get ready. Because your faith is about to become stronger than you ever thought possible.

SPEAKER_00 1:08

Alright. Let's get into it.

SPEAKER_03 1:18

What's up, man?

SPEAKER_00 1:19

Alright, man. Let's open with a prayer. Heavenly Father, thank you for this day, Lord. And we just humble ourselves before you, Lord. And we just dedicate this whole podcast to you, Lord, so we can bring glory to your name. And as I share my testimony, Lord, I pray you use me and give me the words to say that it may impact somebody's life, Lord. In your heavenly name, Lord Jesus. Amen. Alright, man. Episode two, man.

SPEAKER_03 2:05

Episode two.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

Exciting.

SPEAKER_03 2:07

It just keeps on moving.

SPEAKER_00 2:09

Yeah. So if I was gonna name my testimony, it would be I'm hard headed.

SPEAKER_03 2:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:17

Um and I kind of gotta start at the beginning because it all comes together later. But you know, I was born in Long Beach, California. Um, born to two alcoholic parents and born with eczema, asthma, and epilepsy. Um I say born with because it as far back as I can remember I had 'em, you know. I don't know if you just develop it shortly after or but I've always had it. And um well, minus the epilepsy, but um Yeah, I can imagine epilepsy being pretty scary for your parent. Uh one of my earliest memories is um I can remember pretty far back, you know, back to as far as probably two years old, but I remember the first time I had a grandma seizure. I remember waking up to the firefighters with a flashlight in my eyes, and I came to and they picked me up out of the bed, and I remember how they had me turned. I could see my pillow and it was covered in sweat and I'm probably drool. Just and that's all I remember. Um but my mother and I we lived with my grandparents in Garden Grove at that time. Um and I that was I believe after my parents' second divorce. They actually got married twice and divorced twice.

SPEAKER_03 3:58

My my aunt was that way. Yeah. She she married the same guy twice. My cousin's dad.

SPEAKER_00 4:05

I mean, you you know, you're in love with somebody. People make mistakes, and you know, I I can honestly see how it would happen, but um my father was physically abusive to my mother and you know that's the main reason she divorced him. Um and just things that happen, you know, they stick with you when you're a kid, you know. Um the the most vivid memory I have of my father being physically abusive is him picking up an ottoman and lifting it over his head to to hit my mom with it.

SPEAKER_03 4:49

And you know, just think about the things that no kids should ever have to see between their parents.

SPEAKER_00 4:57

It's yeah, absolutely. And you know it's not something that I talked with a lot with my mom or my dad. You know, that a woman never deserves to be physically abused, but I'm sure my mother wasn't innocent and everything. They they were both alcoholics, so I don't know exactly her side of the story. I all I know is that you never lay your hands on a woman, and I should have never had to have seen such a thing, you know.

SPEAKER_03 5:30

Um Yeah, you know, I think a lot of a lot of it when it comes to abusive households, and you know, I didn't didn't deal with my parents divorced when I was like four years old, but you know, you know, we have a mutual friend that was my best friend that lived literally my neighbor and his he dealt with abuse. Yeah, and it's it's something terrible to be on the outside looking into, and something that I watch personally affect him as a young child, us as men, and hearing your story for the first time. That's why I told you at church today, like you know, for people that don't know, like I've heard bits and pieces, but I'm getting I mean, I've already got information just in these first five minutes that I hadn't had before, so I don't mean to interrupt, but you know, it it's weird as you get become a man and an adult, and you're like, Yeah, you know, you when you're younger, you're always like, Oh, what your mom's your mom, you know, right, and no one should ever do that. And then you realize that even though there's not innocence, no man should ever abuse a child or a woman. Yeah, it's to me, it's a real sign of weakness, even though there's some maybe some real tough guys that's decided in their life to do it. Right. You're mentally weak if you feel like that's what you need to do to assort your authority. So I'm sorry that that you dealt with that as a kid.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

Yeah, no worries. I mean, it's part of my testimony, and God uses God uses people with the worst past to do great things, and um, you know, I I've prayed and I give my body as a living sacrifice to Jesus to use me in whatever way he wants to spread the gospel and bring more people to his kingdom. And you know, I I told you about that Nathan Reynolds guy um that was that's like from the Nephilim bloodline, he claims to be, and yeah, he's pretty convincing and he's got a great testimony. And honestly, I hope we can get Nathan Reynolds on the testimony table podcast one time, but he said in one of his interviews, you know, if you he talks about how the great dragon, the devil, can see into the future, and I don't, you know, I don't have a Bible verse that backs that up, but you know, we've got psychics and other people that consort with demons, so I I believe there's some validity there, but he says, you know, if you had a rough childhood, that's because the devil knew what you were capable of later in life to further the kingdom, and yeah, I I think there could be some truth to that. Um, but I guess I digress on that. But um so once my mom divorced my dad, I just I lived with my mom in a studio apartment in Southern California with like a Murphy bed, you know, right that folds into the wall. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:39

Man, I mean I only ever seen those on sitcoms.

SPEAKER_00 8:42

Yeah. But I mean, I I can't even imagine today, but even this was back in the early 90s, living in Southern California, cost of living was still very high, especially for a single mother trying to take care of her kid and try to work where she can when she can. Um, so my grandfather was actually born and marrying Ohio, and and he's got an amazing story, man. He he worked his way up from shoveling fish, like bad fish out of fish cannery all the way up at a at the UIW union. He worked his way up to vice president of the UIW. Yeah, dude. Yeah, he's uh a true the work ethic.

SPEAKER_03 9:29

He's probably a great boss too, you know.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

I I would imagine so.

SPEAKER_03 9:33

Anybody that starts from the bottom tend to be the best ones to work for because they've been through all of it. Yeah, I mean That's always been of my opinion.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

You you want to talk about stoic. This man is the definition of stoic. Um so you know, lots of people ask me, how how did you end up in Mary in Ohio? Well, my grandfather was born here, he moved out to California, met his future wife, they had my mother and um my uncle, my two uncles. Um, so they moved back here, you know, struggling mother living in Southern California. We actually decided together. I remember the day I was like, well, you know, we should move to Ohio, you know. Because we were just talking and just I'm How old were you at that time? I was probably about eight, eight years old. Um so that was the plan. Um my grandparents actually drove to California, picked us up, and we drove across the So they had already moved back to Marion.

SPEAKER_03 10:47

Yeah. And you guys stayed.

SPEAKER_00 10:49

Correct. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

And then they just came and got us. My mother sold pretty much everything she had. We hopped in, they had a Ford Aerostar van. You remember those? Oh, yeah. Yeah. So we hopped in that, drove across the country, you know. That was cool for me. I'd see got to see all kinds of cool stuff. Yeah. Because we they like stopped in cool spots. Like you've probably seen it in the movies with the cars that are buried in the handstone or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 11:20

Stonehenge. Or Stonehenge, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:22

Yeah. Yeah, but just cool stuff like that. We stopped at like an Indian reservation. I bought like this cool Indian ring. But um, yeah, so we moved to Marion and we lived with my grandparents at that time, and so the standard for schooling in California was much more lax than it is in Ohio at that time. And me being epileptic, I was on a drug called Tegratol, and that directly affects your brain. So I didn't learn like other kids. Um when we moved here, it was a bit of culture shock. Um, because I dressed different I dressed like a Southern California boy, you know, with I had blonde hair and you know, baggy shorts and just people didn't dress the way I dressed out here. And on top of that, I wasn't learning like the other kids because I was on this drug that just prevented me from learning in the same way as other kids. So I was bullied.

SPEAKER_03 12:37

Yeah, you know, and and and uh to me that's just that's wild to hear you say that because the first place you go is like you remember when you was in school, the kids that needed the slower learning kids, and there was always a stigma around that, even though none of us at that age know what that kid's story is. You just know that they're in the so to only have known you pretty much since adulthood, late high school, right out of high school age, you've always been an intelligent person. So that that kind of surprises me that you went through those struggles.

SPEAKER_00 13:11

Yeah, and so I was bullied and bullied and bullied, and then um about eleven years old, I think, um they they do what's called an E-G, you know, just a brain scan. And I still showed uh symptoms of epilepsy, but not like not like it used to. So they took me off of Tegratal. And like I literally like completely changed.

SPEAKER_03 13:44

Like I like that became more Was it a gradual thing, or was it almost like you realize once the drugs were flushed from your system that you was feeling a little different and be able to absorb information differently?

SPEAKER_00 13:59

I didn't realize it, but looking back, like I I can see it because I just started to learn and and absorb information, and it was like I I noticed it when they tested me and they're like, um, this kid's an LD. He should not be an LD. Um so thank God by the grace of God I got off that drug and I was able to get in normal school with the other kids and stuff. Um then so then my stepfather comes into the picture, and that was the best thing to happen to me and my mom at the time. Um he wasn't saved at that time, but then you know, he ended up getting saved, and then we started to attend church, and then um I was saved probably when I was around twelve years old. And I was really on fire for the Lord. Like that really I don't know, it changed me, and it it I would attribute that to the happiest time of my life, you know.

SPEAKER_03 15:22

I was saved, my I had a stable family, you know, my stepdad And is this the stepdad that was with you until your mom's passing?

SPEAKER_00 15:32

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:32

My stepdad Brian, I don't know if you ever Yeah, yeah, I didn't want to say any names or not, uh but yeah, he was with you with you at your at your baptism. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:41

Yeah that's him, yeah. He um he actually got saved watching TV, John Hage was on, he watched it and got saved. Um and then you know, like I said, was taking us to church and we were just living a good Christian life, you know, but on the other on the back side of this, you know, back in the back of my mind, my father, my biological father, was also not in the mix at all. He hadn't tried to reach out to me, to be in contact with me.

SPEAKER_03 16:24

Was he still in California?

SPEAKER_00 16:26

Yeah, actually, let me go back. I was going back to California every summer, well, for two summers. Um, but then that stopped and he just stopped talking to me. I actually like was flying by myself as like a 10-year-old kid to California.

SPEAKER_03 16:48

Um like have the stewardist escort you and Yeah, they're they were very nice, you know, take care of you. My cousin, because his mom moved them out to Las Vegas, so he would come back here to visit with his dad, and it I just remember him from a young kid doing the same thing. Like, but you could walk back to the actual gateways, you know, the to go on the plane back then. It was before all the crazy stuff happened where you got stuck a mile away from where the plane actually existed. I bet it's a different beast these days, you know.

SPEAKER_00 17:21

Oh, I'm sure this was pre-9-11.

SPEAKER_03 17:24

So right, right.

SPEAKER_00 17:25

Um so I would say I was a good, very good, devout Christian. Um I actually went on a missions trip, not overseas or anything, just like a weekend mission trip in Columbus, and like I got to lead somebody to the Lord, and that was a really cool experience. You know, I often wonder where he's at these days and what he's doing, but um I was really into the church. I was going to youth group every ones Wednesday and Sunday. I I w so we went to Cornerstone, I'd go to their youth group, but I'd go to Dayspring Westland Youth Group because they had one on Wednesdays. Um just really into church and then something happened. I I couldn't tell you, just nothing like specifically happened, but looking back, you know, I never really dealt with the trauma from my f father's physical abuse, the divorce, my mother taking me across the country away from my father. I mean, at the time when you're a kid, you're like, this is kind of cool, it's a little adventure, but like then your dad is across the country, and you still love your father, right? It's you know, it's your father, and um, and then at this time he wasn't reaching out to me and we had no contact. So 17, I was 17, that would when I started to really rebel, and that would be the first time I drank alcohol at a party.

SPEAKER_03 19:16

That was probably coming right along the time that me and you actually met.

SPEAKER_00 19:20

I think it would have been a year or two later, but yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:23

Yeah, yeah. I can I can never remember if we were still in high school or if it was like a year out. Like we graduated in 2002.

SPEAKER_00 19:32

Yeah, it was after graduation.

SPEAKER_03 19:34

Whenever Tony and you guys connected, it's kind of you he was my gateway to meeting all you guys from the River Valley area.

SPEAKER_00 19:42

Yeah, that was him and I worked at the movie theater. Still the best job I've ever had.

SPEAKER_03 19:49

Yeah, that was that was cool, man. Behind the scenes at the theater. I remember those days.

SPEAKER_00 19:53

Yeah, watching movies. You know, I remember in the summertime we like threw a party in the movie theater. Jeez. Uh but so I never dealt with the trauma and just started to rebel and um hanging out with the wrong people. Um and I I gotta share a story with you. Um I also I wasn't allowed to listen to anything but Christian music.

SPEAKER_03 20:27

These are the things that I remember, and it was hindsight, it was probably during your rebellion. I remember being like at you guys' place and you talking about this, and it stood out in my head because I remember thinking, man, that's that's heavy. Like, you're not allowed, like I think Pantera was a big one that I that sticks out in my head that you wasn't allowed to listen to. Yeah, and we were all jamming that stuff, you know, and I was like, whoa, this guy's been sheltered. I was just meeting you. I'm like, whoa.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

Yeah, so you bring up Pantera. So um I was listening to Pantera one day in my bedroom, and my mom comes in, she's like, You know you're not allowed to listen to that. And I was like, I'm literally not doing anything, not hurting anybody. I'm just sitting in my room listening to music. She's like, You need to turn it off. So I turn it off, she leaves, I turn it back on, she comes back, she's like, You need to turn that off, or I'll be forced to take further action. I'm like, Okay, well, I'm not turning it off. You know, just rebelling hardcore. So she calls the cops, she calls the sheriff on me. Um She explains so I had actually kind of ran away the weekend before. Um just left and went and hung out with a friend and didn't tell him where I was or anything like that, and this was before cell phones, so

SPEAKER_02 22:00

Right.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

You know, or before it was normal for a kid of our age to have one.

SPEAKER_03 22:05

Um or for anyone that wasn't like wealthy to have one.

SPEAKER_00 22:09

Yeah. So the sheriff comes into my bedroom, he's like, What's going on, man? You gotta listen to your parents. And I'm like, dude, I'm not doing anything wrong, dude. I'm just listening to music. He's like, I know, man, but you you still gotta listen to your parents. And so I'm like, okay, I turn it off. So he leaves. He gets almost to his car. I turn it back on, dude, and I crank it. And my mom runs out the door and she's like, he's doing it again. And he comes in, dude, and he takes me to jail. He takes me to JDC for listening to Pantera.

SPEAKER_03 22:52

And you know, that to me, like as I've grown older and became friends with guys that are in law enforcement and stuff, you know, you realize they're normal people, they grew up the same way. Most of them grew up the same way we all did, and those kinds of calls, and not no disrespect to your mom's parenting or the way she chose to do it. That's every parent's right to do what they think is right for their child. But man, when you really look at you know, some of the things that kids were doing, you know, and I just remember thinking that because I I vaguely remember not all the detail, but I vaguely remember this story from 20 years ago. It's like I shared it because it's couldn't believe it.

SPEAKER_00 23:37

After the fact, you know, and I'll get to this, but when you're in a band, a heavy metal band, and you can say, Hey, I went to jail for listening to Pantera.

SPEAKER_03 23:47

Inspire me to get to the to the music. Yeah. So speaking of that, like how old were you when you did was Brian who got you into music or was you already was you already into it? Because I know he's a great musician, right?

SPEAKER_00 24:01

I was actually into it. Like in California, I wanted to actually ironically, I wanted to play cello, which is actually his main intro instrument. This was before I even knew him. But I had an interest in music. Um, and he saw that interest and you know perfect watered it. Yeah, perfect for you know, a man who has a bachelor's in music in strings and minor a minor in percussion. He taught me guitar and drums, and you know, if you know guitar well enough, you can translate to bass and so that was how I got into playing music in the bands in the band when that's how I met you was through music. Right. So um, so yeah, I'll I'll go into that, you know, after graduation and when you and I met, I was in Citizen 18. I it's not like people are gonna be able to find it.

SPEAKER_03 25:04

So I know, and that's such a bummer too, man, because I had the CD forever and I don't know what happened to it. I looked for it not too long ago. Well, I say not too long ago, it's probably been like a couple years. It's been, I mean, fairly recent, just maybe like when Tony passed away, you know, it was like I found a sticker. I'm like, man, I know I had that CD forever, and I have all my CDs. So I went and got my big binder that has all the CDs in it and started. I have no idea. I don't know if it got left in like a car CD player that I got rid of or something, and it's in the abyss now though, and it bums me out because YouTube wasn't around for it to be on for to go back to forever and ever, because then was some good times, man. Regardless of how we were living.

SPEAKER_00 25:49

Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:50

You guys was making good music and and you were talented young people, you know. I I loved being around that and getting to experience it all with you guys.

SPEAKER_00 25:59

Yeah, and you know, that was my goal in life was to become this famous rock star, you know, and you're a very talented dude, man. Well, I appreciate that. I am the talent was misplaced for many years. Um but I was living this wannabe rock star lifestyle, you know, sex, drugs, and rock and roll is what I so one night, and I you know I've shared this story with you, but one night I was partying all night and still living with my parents, and came home the next morning and just really deeply depressed. Man, I've always struggled with depression um and you know, contemplating thinking about killing myself. And I was crying on my bed and my mother came in and she asked me what was wrong, and I just told her I don't feel like you love me. You know, I I had resentment about her sending me to jail for listening to Pantera and just how I was raised, and instead of caring for me in the way that I thought, you know, it was more this is how it is, and this is where strict and you're gonna do this and that. And I was like, I really don't feel like my father loves me, he doesn't even care to talk to me, and I don't feel like there's any reason for me to live, honestly. And behind my mother came this balloon floating over to me and it said Jesus loves you on it. And you know, just in the darkest, one of the darkest moments of my life when I literally wanted to take my own life and didn't feel like there was any love in my life, uh a balloon that says Jesus loves you on it came over to my bed and you know it had floated from the living room underneath the you know, doorway stoop down the hallway, underneath the I don't know, is that what you call it?

SPEAKER_03 28:13

A stoop where the the header or whatever the the header, basically the the area above the door where the door is framed out of underneath that, over right by my mom, over to me in my darkest moment and says, Jesus loves you on it.

SPEAKER_00 28:26

And you know, this balloon didn't just appear out of nowhere. My my mother had taken my baby sisters to the fair that day, and there was a lady, probably an angel, that knew what was gonna happen and gave my sisters these Jesus loves you balloons. Wow, and they were in both of them were in the living room, and one of them decided in my darkest moment, you know, obviously it was Jesus that brought it to me.

SPEAKER_03 28:51

And clearly, I mean, just just to speak to the unlikeliness of anything else being, I mean, helium raises the balloon to the highest point that it can raise it to. Yeah. So even if there was a draft pushing it along, you would think it would go to the ceiling and push along. And stop and not make a left-hand turn, or and even if you're at the back, yeah, you know, like there's enough of a a a wall, if you will, in that header to stop a a balloon from coming down and coming in and then continuing across the room straight to you. I mean, that's very divine, man. And and I I have heard not in that detail, but you've you've mentioned that you had that balloon come to you in your dark moment. And yeah, I mean, there's no other answer for that.

SPEAKER_00 29:42

Absolutely not. I mean, you can even if you explain it away with science, you can't explain away the fact that I was in my darkest moment. The timing. The timing, yeah. You so that moment in my life cemented my belief in Jesus beyond a shadow of a doubt. Like there's no, and you know, I don't know if you remember in the past, but I never I never would deny Christ or talk ill of Christ in any way. I'd always defend Christ, even though I wasn't walking the walk, you know, living the life that you know God lays out in the Bible that we should be living. But and you know, that's another reason why I would say my testimony is called I'm I'm hard-headed, because a normal person probably would have completely quit the band, changed their whole life, and became a missionary or something. But I I was just so deep into this wannabe rock star lifestyle and already an alcoholic and doing drugs and and and this is something that Satan does. He will take uh something like that and twist your mind and say you don't have to give up all these things you like to do. You're chosen by God. You know? Look at what happened to you. That and that literally happened to me. The enemy found that avenue into my brain and was like, you can just ask for forgiveness. You're fine.

SPEAKER_03 31:30

And I believe a lot of young people with trauma uh don't understand what you just said in that, and you you justifying yourself looking back on, well, you know, no one ever really cared anyway, so but that's just kind of and even even me that didn't deal with the type of trauma that you did, but just saying in those moments where you're like justifying yourself, that's like at the end of it all, you're like, well, tomorrow, you know, it's just fun today, and there's always a reason, and that voice that always gives you the reason to not stop doing what you're doing wrong. It's clearly the voice that doesn't want you to find Christ, yeah, and understand the weight that is lifted from you once you do. It took me 30 some years to get there, and I'm almost mad at myself for not, you know, exploring those avenues sooner and learning more sooner, just for the for my own mental health sake, you know. Yeah, it's a beautiful thing. So I I I would hope that any young person listening understands like that's the voice of the enemy. The voice of the enemy is the one justifying the wrongdoing that you know that you're doing and outsmart it by doing better. Yeah. And your life will become better. I think it's 100%. Yeah, so much in what you just said that little bit that you just said.

SPEAKER_00 33:10

Yeah, so that the voice from the enemy had me living that life of drugs and alcohol for you know all the way through my mid-20s until I got kicked out of the band that I started, and then I was in another band, and um you know me and me and another guy started the band. I don't want him to listen to and be like, I started the band. But uh then something happened that would, you know, really turn my life upside down, and that was I was 26. Um that was my mother passing away of cancer. She died April 10th of 2010. And that's something that if you've been through it watching somebody die of cancer, especially your own mother. That's it's horrible.

SPEAKER_03 34:16

I can't even imagine. And we talked about that in Bible study. I I empathize because I can try to imagine. I watch my grandpa, but it's it's a different nature when it's apparent.

SPEAKER_00 34:30

Yeah, I mean seeing your mother lose her own hair and having to be on these drugs that are killing her, you know, that are supposed to save her. It's just yeah, it's a whole I could probably talk about that for forever, but um but I never because of what happened to me with the balloon, I never blamed God. I know God works, you know, everybody says God works in mysterious ways. You know, it's such a cliche, but it is true. You know, the Bible says to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. So my mother was healed, you know what I mean? Maybe not physically in this life that she was living, but she was completely healed and with the Lord. And that's that's the perspective that I wanted to take. But it was still excruciating pain.

SPEAKER_03 35:40

Beyond measure, I think for anyone that's not dealt with it, I've had, you know, a few of my really close friends lose parents by this point in our lives, you know. And I I hug them and and I try to be there, but man, it's just something that you you dread the day that it comes, but it's coming for all of us. Yeah. You know, that that's one thing that's guaranteed on this earth is that you're gonna leave it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:10

So that and taxes, right?

SPEAKER_03 36:13

Yeah, yeah, that no kidding.

SPEAKER_00 36:16

But um so uh already being an alcoholic, uh I would really drown my sorrows now, even more so. Um you know, drinking liquor, not not just beer anymore. Um really getting deep into the alcoholism and numbing the pain. Numbing the pain, yeah, self-medicating. And God never stopped pursuing. You know, we we've read the parable of the landowner, right? Where the landowner in Matthew keeps going out finding workers. Like, what are you guys doing standing here? He goes out, I think like nine o'clock noon, three o'clock, five o'clock. I believe that parable is about salvation. Um, you know, Jesus can continually pursue people.

SPEAKER_03 37:17

I was having a hard time absorbing that as we read it until you you spoke that and very fitting, and and it put a different perspective on me for that parable.

SPEAKER_00 37:29

I yeah, I mean, and there's nothing wrong with interpreting that parable differently. I some people believe it's a just about service, but the fact that the ones that have been called to work from the morning and that agreed for a denarius for the whole day of work were grumbling, like, hey man, you're gonna give this guy that they've been here for an hour for an hour, right? You're gonna pay him the same amount he paid us, and that's why I think it's about salvation because the thief on the cross was dying and being crucified right next to Jesus and said, Lord, you know, remember me. And he said, You'll be in paradise with me today.

SPEAKER_03 38:16

You know, he believed literally the last minutes or hours of his life is when he was saved.

SPEAKER_00 38:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:26

So he got the same as someone that had lived an intern their entire life as a true Christian following the word of Christ in God. Amen. That's a that that I'm telling you, when you said that, I'm like I I felt ignorant to it, but I'm still pretty new to trying to absorb some of the there's a lot of that in the Bible. There's a lot of it where you're like, if you read it and take it actual, you're like, what are they talking about? I would be mad too. And then then you start learning, like, like just process your brain to understand what they may be speaking out of, because it's probably a parable. It's it's not actually speaking.

SPEAKER_00 39:10

The levels the same, they don't look the same.

SPEAKER_03 39:13

No, I they're not, but it it sounds okay. I don't know, I don't know how that got changed.

SPEAKER_00 39:21

Actually, it sounds like you're really loud and I'm not as loud.

SPEAKER_03 39:25

Does it to you? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know how that got changed. My boy probably was back here pushing button.

SPEAKER_00 39:34

Yeah, no worries.

SPEAKER_03 39:36

We'll see what it goes through in editing, right?

SPEAKER_00 39:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:39

But sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your your thought, but I loved that that interpretation of that parable, and I'm glad that you used it today.

SPEAKER_00 39:46

Yeah, no worries, man. Um, so I was already in a dark place at that time, obviously, and what it felt like a year later, and I've always when I shared my testimony, I've always said, yeah, and a year later my father passed away. What he did pass away, but it was actually um about two and a half years later, in uh February 19th of 2013, my biological father passed away. Um and I I never blamed God. I mean I was like, God man, what is going on? But you know, you had mentioned God throwing pebbles at you night. You know, God calls everybody home in different times, and for me, that was like, man, I just lost my mother.

SPEAKER_03 40:46

Like, I know I don't have the greatest relationship with my father, but like had you re-established any type of relationship in your adult life, or we never really touched on that.

SPEAKER_00 40:57

Yeah, I actually searched my father. Um, searched for my father and ended up calling the union that he worked for, and they had his number and I was able to find him. And, you know, he so much as said, you know, I just I felt like you were better off without me. And that's another lie from the enemy. That you know.

SPEAKER_03 41:24

Do you think he sincerely believed that? Did did you feel like he maybe in your life maybe that was the message that would that was sent to you? Or do you think it was a cop out? I mean, was there love in the early years of I mean, did your father love you? Yeah, he until he until he obviously created the divorce and the physical abuse that was sustained. But sometimes, you know, I'm always just left to wonder because kids are left. I've seen it, you know, and I'm not saying that's your situation, but I've just seen it where kids are pushed away, and then the dad, like my wife's biological dad, she's never never known him ever.

SPEAKER_00 42:10

And I think he believed it truly. I mean, it's it's an easier way to not be involved, so it's and to lose some of the guilt that probably comes along with something like abandoning. Because unfortunately, I don't think he ever conquered alcoholism. Um I can't say that for a fact, but I have enough evidence evidence to support that he I know he wasn't completely sober. Um so I he didn't he never completely I believe just gave everything to God. You know, he just continued to try to self-medicate. And unfortunately he was living in a camper on the side of the road in Southern California. Um it felt like it was a year later, it was a couple years later, he died, and you know, I had I was the next of kin, so I had to fly out to California and take care of all that. Thankfully, his sisters, my my two aunts, um are very devout Christians and women of God, and they they supported me through it. Um but it it felt like and I was also kind of taking care of my grandmother at the time because my grandfather had passed away. That's not I hadn't mentioned that, but she was living alone. So it was me and her and Mary. That was the only family I had and you know she was she was suffering from mild dementia so you know that was hard and she ended up out at Kingston but And I was in a toxic relationship when my mother had passed away and that had ended and then so after that um I would end up meeting my future wife who you know and actually grew up with Yeah yeah I've known her longer and I've known you yeah that's the just That's marrying for you that's God had a plan amidst of all my rebellion It That's the thing man God will never stop pursuing you and it it's like in the book of Jonah man uh he God's like I want you to go to Nineveh and and preach the word because they're living they're not living the way they should be and I want you to bring the gospel to them and Jonah's like I don't want to do that I'm in my comfort zone so he tries to run and go the other way and gets in a boat he's like I'm gonna kinda do my own thing and you know long story short he ends up in the ocean swallowed up by a big fish that spits him out right at at Nineveh and you know he was in the belly of the fish for three days um and was resurrected out to do the Lord's will you know in in Matthew Jesus says the only sign you'll be given is the sign of Jonah that's what he's talking about and just God will never stop pursuing you because he has a plan for your life and I truly believe that um but I had met my wife and she I was an alcoholic and she stayed with me and stuck with me and was supporting to me and we I I I had always I kept trying to quit I on my own power. Kept trying to quit drinking and I could never do it um and she always stuck with me and I know it was hard on her but God had a plan and that's the woman God had planned for me to be with and um so you know fast forward a little while longer I'm still drinking but I'm with my future wife um and I had actually asked her to marry me in 2018. We weren't married yet and then so fast forward to 2019 friend of mine was coming into town an old friend from Citizen 18 days we were gonna get together and go to a concert like a dubstep concert I didn't really care for it but hey it was an opportunity to drink to drink with an old buddy that's how I looked at it so my best friend and I at the time we went to the concert and met up with my old friend and you know I was of course drinking and just pounding liquor dude you know just just looking back on it. It's so stupid but you know I'm having a good time supposedly drinking and the next thing I know I wake up strapped to a gurney with a tube down my throat not knowing where I'm at I start struggling like I thoughts of like I've been abducted and I'm like I'm somebody's about to operate on me or something. I was freaking out I couldn't you know I was gagging because this tube's down my throat they they took it out and unstrapped me and told me what was going on I had passed out fallen and cracked my head open fractured my skull thankfully my friend was there with me and saved my life I mean he stopped the bleeding and called the paramedics and I mean and this is why I would call literally fractured your skull huh yeah that's crazy fractured my skull concussion whole nine yards um and this is why I would call my testimony I'm hard headed um concrete was just a little harder that day yeah literally because I mean so I ended up quitting drinking for a few months and was like you know I just won't drink liquor anymore you know the devil starts helping I mean I if anybody's an active alcoholic out there I know you can justify a way to drink no matter if it's to celebrate or you're drinking because you're drowning your sorrows or drinking because you're mourning or drinking because oh well it's it's a holiday or you'll though an alcoholic will find Wednesday.

SPEAKER_03 50:00

Yeah it's it's hump day you always it's the peak of the week so that's a good reason to drink you always have a reason in it in addiction to your your mind and the the the evil side of everything is I went through that for years in in addiction in active addiction of well you know we'll do it it's always going to be tomorrow. You know you even though you hate yourself there's always this little voice justifying the next move to do what your body's craving at that point. And if you don't recognize that that's an issue that you need this to be a normal person that's the clearest sign that you need to get help. And I you know that yeah I think people's stigma is that they can't talk to people because people around it's like those are the people you should run to I was scared to death for years in my addiction of my family. I lived this double life I was going to upbeat football parties smiling rubbing elbows with people that would never even think about being the places I were when the sun went down and then going and doing that. So you run to the people that care about you because they'll still care about you. Yeah and they'll tell you what you don't want to hear probably oh I thought you meant you were hanging around the people that will tell you what well no you know when you're in addiction you don't want to hear that you have to you don't want to be judged right even though the people that are telling you you gotta get yourself better are the ones that do care the most. So I was just gonna like not that you don't want to hear it but the addiction don't want you to hear it. Right.

SPEAKER_00 51:42

But you need to hear it and those are the ones that you should be talking to the loudest you know yeah and so the reason I'm hardheaded is because you know I quit for a few months but I had my bachelor party and my wedding reception coming up so I definitely get a drink. Yeah that that was the enemy was speaking to me and it's it's all a lie and there's a book called Alcohol Lied to me I've read and that's a really good book. I can't remember who wrote it but it's it's a really good book to read if you are an alcoholic um and you know that brings me to then this wasn't that long ago um October 10th of 2024 is when I went to celebrate recovery and I went to the altar and I pleaded and pleaded with God and sobbed and just pleaded with God and told asked him not told you never told God I asked him please take away my alcoholism and he did and it's it's miraculous he took away my cravings because that you know that's that's everything especially with alcohol alcoholism is one of the most deadly addictions that you could possibly suffer from.

SPEAKER_03 53:12

I believe it's the only one you can actually die from that and heroin and and alcohol is number one out there's been more deaths from people trying to quit alcoholism without the assistance of medical care that it shuts your body down the shock that goes into it. But that book just so anyone that's struggling if they want to look it up it looks like it's by Craig Beck and Viral Success LTD must be the company that that published for him but Craig Beck is the author Alcohol lied to me.

SPEAKER_00 53:46

Yeah if it was helpful in your it was yeah so um it wasn't the path that got me to quit drinking it'll be a good tool for you but Jesus is the only way um that's gonna and however God meets you in your addiction the creator of the heavens the universe everything is the one that's that will definitely deliver you um and it just so yes I had been saved years prior but I had lived years backslidden some say you can lose your salvation I personally don't believe I but do believe once saved always saved if you're truly saved some say well you probably weren't truly saved I I don't want to get into that debate I just personally I know God never quit pursuing me and I was a Christian when I was younger so that that um connection I don't think was ever severed is how I would put it but um Jeremiah 2913 says you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart and you one has to seek him with all of your heart you know it's easy for people just say yeah I believe in Jesus um I believe it's in the book of James but I'm not 100% sure where but Paul says I believe it's Paul he says even the demons believe in Jesus and and they shudder you know the belief is is a deep belief and understanding and you know Romans 10 side 10 9 says and I'll always quote this verse because it's just one of my favorite ones especially for new believers if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and you believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead you will be saved. And that word heart is in there again and you know you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart in that moment when I was pleading to God Lord please take away my alcoholism I was sobbing I was kneeling before God leaving it all at the altar asking God to take it and he listened and you know I I I'll never stop I thank him daily I pray and thank him for every breath because God has a plan for for us and I believe this podcast. And when that happened and then this will kind of be the closing um I kept thinking of the miracle of Jesus walking on water. So I'm gonna I'm just gonna read that real quick it's not that long in Matthew 14 uh starting at verse 22 says immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side while he dismissed the crowd after he had dismissed them he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night he was there alone and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake they were terrified It's a ghost they said and cried out in fear but Jesus immediately said to them Take courage it is I don't be afraid Lord if it's you Peter replied tell me to come to you on the water come he said then Peter got down out of the boat walked on the water and came toward Jesus but when he saw the wind he was afraid and beginning to sink cried out Lord save me immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him you have little faith he said why did you doubt and when they climbed into the boat the wind died down then those were her who were in the boat worshiped him saying truly you are the Son of God so I had been thinking about this after the Lord took away my cravings and I believe you know he he gave me this divine understanding of it he said I want you to think of the water as alcohol and then later on I would be like wow that can just water can represent sin for whatever anybody's going through um he said you will tread sin underfoot if you keep your eyes on me and that just the miracle and and the way that he helped me understand it was just amazing to me because you know what happened to Peter Peter represents all humanity we can tread our sin underfoot if we keep our eyes on Jesus and and what is keeping our eyes on Jesus look like you obviously that's a metaphor like we can't see Jesus right right now um it looks like spending time with God it looks like reading the Bible daily it looks like saturating your mind with worship music it looks like praying having a conversation with God that's how you keep your eyes on Jesus and if you do that you can tread sin underfoot and and this is a little Easter egg I think that's in the Bible and you know this isn't in the Bible it's just this is where my brain went it was like wow the water can represent sin in that miracle and when you get baptized you go into the water and you come back out. And the Bible the Bible does say this you need to be born again in Christ and you know when you're born physically the first time you're kind of born out of water right um but when you are raised out of the water you're representing being born again out of sin and you know the Bible does talk about baptism you know you're buried with Christ when you go down into the water and you're resurrected with Christ the Bible does talk about that and there's other metaphors for water so I'm not saying that what the only metaphor for water is sin. So I just don't want to be misquoted but the understanding that God gave me of of that um that miracle was that you can tread your sin underfoot any addiction any sin that you struggle with you can tread that underfoot if you keep your eyes on Jesus and you know Peter started to fall he started to sink into the water into sin. Why? Because he was distracted by the wind the storm he was distracted by the storm and what's the storm it's anything that distracts you from Jesus it's it's your phone sometimes it's the television it's it's pornography it's alcoholism heroin addiction it's anything that distracts you from keeping your eyes on Jesus and what happens when you get distracted from Jesus you start to fall back into the water or or sin.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:38

So you know that's kind of you know and um it hasn't been that long it's been about a year since I've stopped drinking but I know that I'm never going to drink again because a year is is the first great milestone well the day the week the month the year if you want to break it all the way down any minute that you can go from addiction to out of addiction if that's the first minute of your addiction that lasts forever then that's the first that's the first landmark you made it to that. Yeah and then the second and the third and if you never use again then all those things become very important because it's you know the the moniker the they one day at a time you know there's a lot of truth to that but I think once you get through it in my experience and I don't want to judge anyone for their own personal experience go one day go one minute at a time if that's what it takes yeah for your mind to absorb the reality that it has to be there's no other way there's no happy ending to an addiction filled life it affects the people that love you that aren't even dealing with that are dealing with addiction but not personally so yeah man I don't I and I know you weren't but saying it's not been that long a year is is everything but I think you do get a point and it wasn't at a year for me that I was completely I mean maybe because you uh when it affects your life so profoundly you grow this hatred and I you know hate is such a strong word but if there's one thing on the planet that I would say that I hate it's heroin yeah because it just about destroyed me and it terribly hurt my family yeah so that hate that I built through what it took to recover the withdrawal that everything that came with it became my stance to tell other people going through it like hey allow yourself to feel that withdrawal because if you just take something to to make to make all that go away straight out of the gate then you never have anything in your heart that you really despise and there's nothing on this earth that I despise more than the effects of withdrawal that I went through getting out of my addiction. Yeah so a year is a year is great brother and there's no doubt in my mind I I see you as what type of man that you are what type of father you are what type of husband you are there there's no doubt you know you're on the path and you're you're working for Christ hard yeah and you know I'm on my path and you're you're helping me a lot and I appreciate that and your story is profound and it's one of some heartache and and tragedy to lose your parent your mother at 26 years old he was like 26 years I didn't realize like I never really I I knew that she passed a a while ago I never really put a number to it to realize. Like, hmm. I wasn't even Yeah, I that's that's a hard age, man. It's not 14 or 15, but it's probably close to the same mentally because that's your mom, you know?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:16

So I appreciate the the details to it all. That's what I said before we left church this morning. Like I'm anxious to to hear it, you know, because I know what the outcome of your story is because I'm walking beside you in life now.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:34

It's so amazing to see too, because you know, and I give all glory to God. Um I think about it often, man. I love seeing how God's changing your life. And and you know, in closing, I just wanna if there's anybody out there listening that's in active addiction and you want relief, God will meet you where you're at. Give it to him, confess that Jesus is Lord, pray, ask, Lord, I want you in my heart, Lord, and I want you in my life, and I want you to be Lord over my life, and I believe God raised you from the dead, and I believe you died on the cross for my sins, and watch your life start to change, and just start reading the Bible, you know, or listening to it. You know, there's nothing wrong with listening to it or listening and reading along, and um you know, the NIV is a great version that's easier to understand than the King James version. You don't have your these and thou's, you know.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:43

So I'll say this. I drive for you, you know this about me, but just for anyone that's listening, you know, I drive for a living, so I do read, physically read the Bible when we get together. I do, I do with my wife sometimes, like at at night, if there's something that's touched me that I've listened to, because I listen, I have audible, I'm in a semi-driving, so there's a you know, there's a lot of good versions in there that that really help spice it up. So just however you have to. Well, I appreciate that. Good round of applause.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:17

Well, that's not right.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:20

Right. But it it was it it it really is something that does really sit on you when you read the Bible and you start learning from it, it yeah, it helps so much to to get you there.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:34

Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:36

So now we'll be able to try that again. Okay, but I do appreciate the round of applause.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:41

Yeah, well that it was actually well placed, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_02 1:08:45

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But dude, your story, very impactful, and I hope I hope that somebody out there hears it, absorbs it, and and gets hope from it.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:58

Absolutely. You know, God bless you, everyone. The Testimony Table Podcast is here to encourage and spread the word of the got of God. Um so just start where you're at, let God meet you where you're at, and he'll change your life. God bless everyone.