JD's Testimony Part2

In this moving episode, JD joins us to share his powerful personal testimony. From the realities of his childhood and the early experiences that shaped his life, to the turning point that led him toward recovery, JD opens up about his journey through addiction and his ultimate path to sobriety. His story is a raw, honest look at the struggles of the past and the hard-won hope of a life transformed.

Whether you are walking your own path to recovery or looking to understand the journey of a loved one, JD’s testimony offers a reminder that it is never too late to find freedom.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:09

What's up everyone? Welcome to the Testimony Table Podcast.

SPEAKER_02 0:13

The podcast with real stories, real struggles, and real miracles. How everyday people share how Jesus has changed their lives forever. And I'm Brandon, and we're both your hosts, and we're seriously back in here today.

SPEAKER_01 0:26

This show is all about giving God the glory, telling the truth, and bringing hope to people who need it most.

SPEAKER_02 0:31

In our show, we can lead heavy into a theme of recovery. Because Jesus doesn't just forgive, he restores, he heals, he delivers, he can believe out of anything. Addiction, depression, anxiety, brokenness, pain.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

He can turn the mess into the message, and the pain into purpose.

SPEAKER_02 0:50

We believe Jesus is still moving today, and testimonies still have power.

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And we are here to fulfill the mission he gave us, the great commission, to go, to tell, and to make disciples. So pull up a seat, lean in, and get ready. Because your faith is about to become stronger than you ever thought possible.

SPEAKER_02 1:09

Alright, let's get into it.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

And so uh I basically stopped going to AA meetings and started going to church. And um, you know, so that was like 2011, somewhere around there. Um, and I began began attending um um church up in uh up here in Marion Central Baptist, uh, rededicated my life to the Lord, got baptized uh for a second time um and just started started back on the path. The the prodigal son was we talked about uh when you called me on the way home from Michigan. Yeah, just you know, trying and and and for all the for all the trauma and the trouble of of childhood and and and feeling that disconnect between love and discipline I'm grateful that I had was given what I was given as a kid, you know, growing up in church, because I knew I knew exactly where I needed to come. Yeah where what I needed to get back to when I was ready for it. Uh God gave me that space to to grow as a clean and sober person after 15 years of walking that path of self-destruction, you know. Uh some people aren't so lucky um to to have the chance to come back. I can tell you what, I got my first and only uh moving violation under the influence of something in 1991. Um November of 1991, back when they called them OMV OVIs. Um first and only time that I've ever been pulled over and gotten cited for driving under the influence. 91 to 2004. You tell me how how that track record held up. I don't know, because I was driving, you know, the bands that I was in playing out-of-town shows, going to practice, uh, you know, driving down to the south end of Columbus three nights a week, drunk, high. Uh, you know, God definitely had his hand upon me, or he handed his hand upon everybody else that was around. He was he was protecting everybody else from me. Yeah. Um, and and that that still blows my mind when I think about that because so many people, you know, people that I have met in in AA, um just the the stories that they have told. You know, I even have uh I I began sponsoring a guy in AA and he was he was on the path to sobriety, had two two beautiful kids and uh um uh a girlfriend and had moved into a house, had everything that he had been working for. He was sober for, I don't know, a year, two years, three years, something like that, and it wasn't enough. He wanted more and started using again, ended up moving his trailer. This is a little sidebar here, moving his trailer his uh camper out to my driveway because he had used again. He used once at my house. I was like, You got to go. I drove his trailer back to his house. Um he he ends up going off the deep end, um, doing all kinds of crazy stuff. I could recount, but I'm not I'm not trying to out who it was, but um this might, but he eventually OD'd in prison. And it's just like that that could have been me. Yeah, you know, that could have been me. And it could have been you, it could have been you.

SPEAKER_02 4:46

Go ahead. I mean he could have pulled you down with him, you know. Some people could say, Well, you know, why didn't you try to help him? You kicked him out of your driveway. Well you also gotta look at your situation, man. You have to protect your sobriety at all costs. Yeah. And that's how I look at it. Like, you know, I've had experiences with people where you know, the devil will try to use people to bring you back into addiction, and I have to protect myself from that at all costs. So, you know, pray I'm sure you prayed for the guy, but like, you know, you can't allow that to be around you.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

Yeah, yeah, the the the thing that the thing there is uh, you know, he he was a very good friend, even though he, you know, I met him in AA. We just we just clicked, you know. He was younger, he was younger than me. But re regardless, we had a we had a strong bond because, you know, I don't I don't know, man, when you meet somebody and you just know, even though they're messed up, a messed up individual, because we're all messed up. We're we're all we're all wired backwards in one way or another. Um and it's up to us to let God to fix that. And I I knew that he he was a good person underneath all all of all of the things that he had experienced and done and the things that he had invited into his life.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

Um and I just lost my train of thought. I uh I just think the one thing that isn't spoke about in the ones of us that have found sobriety is exactly what you're talking about. You know, I think anyone that's never walked a mile in the shoes of someone that's been in active addiction, no matter what that addiction be, obviously the drugs and alcohol take you into some really crazy places, but you meet people that you know, like I said, even you when your daughter, you wrapped that's your heart. Our hearts are always in there, even though our brains are washed with this addiction that it's all consuming. You see people, people that look at groups of drug addicts, they say, huh, they're drug addicts. But the ones, people in my life that don't know my story, if if I even give them a little flake of it, they're like, No way. Right. And I'm like, yeah, man. I mean, I shot up every single day and I met good people. And the thing that isn't talked about in addiction is it's not really a survivor's guilt, but when you watch the people that you can't help because they're on their own path of destruction, and you you pray for them, you hope like crazy that they will figure it out before it's too late. And I personally have lost I'm not gonna say handfuls to be dramatic, but a lot. A lot of people in my 13 years of sobriety. I've watched people that I cared about lose that battle and be gone off this earth and never getting to understand how beautiful sobriety can be. Right. Yeah. So I don't let people into my home that I know I would have done the same exact thing that you did. Yeah. And I tell them it, I'm not looking for you. I don't feel guilty for it. I'm not looking down on you. Yeah, but I will not have it around me. Yeah, it gives me anxiety to be around me. One, I I just don't, I'm not tempted by it anymore. I'm confident and comfortable with that. I don't want to come to my bathroom and find you. Don't bring I do not want it around me. Right. And I would have done the same exact thing if I invited someone to try to help them and then found out that they had brought that stuff into my space. You're gonna have to go, man.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

Yeah, you got you got your child and your wife to think of, and your own first and foremost, your own security and and not, you know what if a cop's is uh watching this cat and he comes to your house and the cops knock on your door and find all that stuff going on in your house unbeknownst to you, it just creates a series of complicated problems.

SPEAKER_01 9:00

We was there, we made it out, and I think it's well within our rights, and it it's a respect thing from them to us, not us to them. Don't bring it around me. If you want to do it, I'm not gonna judge you. Yeah, but you're not gonna bring it around me because it it's it's God, you could it if you could just understand how beautiful life is without it. And you just want to shake people sometimes that just can't seem to figure that out, as especially as we get older in life, and it's like, man, if not now, when yeah, staying staying high is a full-time job for sure.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

It's you work overtime, man. It's it's a lot easier once you you make the determination that no, this is not for me. I do not need drugs, I do not need alcohol, I do not need any foreign substance into my body to cope with life on life's terms. Yeah. It becomes so much easier, man. I mean people people look as Christianity as a a list of rules and regulations that you have to abide by. And and in some respects, yeah, there are things that we have to observe, but it is total freedom from the world. I don't ha I don't I don't care what the world thinks about me. You know, I don't I don't want anybody to think I'm um uh arrogant or whatever, but if somebody hears something on this on this recording that they don't like, sorry. This is this is the things that I've experienced, this is the things that that I've done, this is the the conclusions that I have come to based on experience. So if it doesn't line up with yours, that's okay. It is okay. So I mean hopefully hopefully people understand that when when people are such as myself who've lived in addiction for 15 years, that the things you see, the things you do, the things that that you hear, it's like that's based on experience. It's not it's not something that I'm just drawing from a cloud flying through the sky.

SPEAKER_01 10:52

You you really wish that that could just be so obvious to everyone, and it's not because I make like these small videos while I was still young, like since my son's been born talking to him, because God forbid, and I pray that he never that I'm able to keep him in a situation where he never has to walk and deal with the battles that I dealt with. I think as fathers, that's what we hope for our kids. But I've made these little and that I keep, and I always say if something happens to me, I've told my wife, like, there's an envelope with your name on it down there that's got SD cards in it. Just let Hutz, when he hits teenage, you know, let him let him see it because I just want these small messages, not in a moment that he messes up, that then I'm talking to him, and he's like, Well, of course you're gonna say that now. I want there to be this like little crumb trail that he can look back and say, Well, he's wanted this for me my entire life. Right. And I don't know why that was so important to me. It's cool though, but I I always felt like my parents, and now as a grown man, and my parents getting up in age, they never told me a lie. In my mind, I'm like, of course you're saying that, you know, but they had lived it, and I was too blind, and us as young people become blind to that. So it was always like, I I want to leave this. So he knows. I've always thought this. I'm not saying because now he's in it. Right. I I've always prayed for him that he'll never have to see those. Right. And maybe one day it'll be fun for him just to see them, not because he needs them, but just a look back in history, I guess, you know.

SPEAKER_00 12:28

Yeah, and that's the that's the thing. Um so many of the things that our parents did try to teach us are 100% foundational truths into being a decent human being and being, you know, conscience, conscious of the decisions that you make, because for every every decision there is a consequence, and they tried to lay the foundation for that as screwed up as they may have done it, or they might have gotten it right, because we screw up and still pass on truth to our children whether we whether we can see it or not. And so it's it's I think it's it's awesome that you've you've done that for your son.

SPEAKER_02 13:08

Jordan Peterson uh he said something really wise. He said, Any moron can learn from their own mistakes. It takes an intelligent man to be able to learn from other people's mistakes. And as blunt as that is, I think that's just brilliant. Um so I I tell my kids that, you know, like don't do it the hard way. Like, listen to me. Okay. I've lived it, I've gone down the wrong path, and I can tell you it's not what you want. And it would behoove you and it would be an intelligent move on your part to listen and learn from my mistakes.

SPEAKER_00 13:55

And um there's nothing wrong with that sort of bluntness because you're trying to preserve the the innocence innocence of your child, so you know that's a very difficult task in today's world. And you know, if you can if you can set up those boundaries for them early on that that they don't want to travel the path of of addiction that may be blunt. Yeah. So but you know that that that friend of mine. Um you know, you always you always run into these situations once you enter the realm of clean and sober sober living, that you have people in your life that that come in and out, whether they're still practicing self-destruction, or if they've found a new path. And you know, this particular guy didn't didn't find that path, and I know I'm not responsible for it, but I was I was basically his his his his his brothers were also uh at the time deep into addiction themselves. And uh he didn't really have any support outside of his girlfriend when she could get down there. But I was the one point of contact for s the the the sober frame of mind. And at that time my my dad was going through his bout with cancer, so I was I was going, you know, thankfully my employer at the time allowed me to go up to my dad's house and work from from his kitchen while I while I sat with him uh and took care of him for like three days a week for I don't know I don't know how many months that that that wore on. But and so during that during that period of time, it it just kind of it just kind of sits with me that I didn't I didn't make the time for him because I was making time for my father to go visit him in prison and to give him uh that encouragement he needed to stay clean and sober to keep his nose clean because you know drugs are just as prevalent in prison as they are on the streets of Marion or or Delaware or or Columbus or whatever. So you know, it's and and then then even more recently I had another guy come back into my life from the past and and and he's no longer with us. And um he reached out to me uh around another difficult time in in uh 2024. My mom was in a really bad car accident and uh I used to be in a in a project with this young man. And um he asked me if I if I wanted to to get that going again, and I'm like uh dude, my mom was my mom was in a bad car accident. She's been in ICU for or S ICU and or ICU, one of the two that stepped down on the ICU for two months going back and forth. And um and I was like, I I don't know. I I just don't think I have the time and just basically blew it off, didn't talk to him again, and then recently found out that he's no longer with us because of addiction. And it's and and I guess if there's one thing that I've taken from from that because that's a stark reminder of when somebody from our past reaches out to us, there's probably a reason for it, even though we can't see it because we're so stuck in our own lives that maybe I could have been a touch point to to show him something different at this at this time of life and to provide him a way out. Not not that I could do anything, because we know as addicts it's our decision. We're not gonna quit until we're ready to quit. And sometimes that means death. Um but I can tell you from from this most recent experience that if someone from my past reaches out to me again, I'm gonna make it a point to have coffee with them or go get lunch with them and talk to them. Because I I don't I don't want I don't want to let somebody not know that God has has changed my life and taken me far, far from the days of living under the under the the lie of cocaine and alcohol and marijuana. And that we don't have to live that way.

SPEAKER_01 18:19

Yeah, we don't there's there's so much to it and I I always hate to to feel like and and that's it. Um I had someone in my life reach out and I spoke to him. I had actually there was a mutual person that reached out to me like, hey, can you maybe call and and just talk to him to this person and I'm like, yeah, of course, you know, I love this person, you know. So I do, and there's a lot going on there, and I talked to him and I and I told him up front, you know, like I I love you, you know, and I want the best for you. You have to start looking in the mirror. He's he's a bit younger, uh, but old enough, you know. And he he fell off. He and he like because I was calling and and I got I got cut off completely. Like I I tried to reach out to him and it's like the person has blocked this number from and I'm like, oh, okay. That's how it is. Okay, and I you I'm human. I felt offended initially, no less love for him. Like, okay, this and then time went by and I received a call, didn't recognize the number, answered it. Hey, I'm like, oh hey, what's up, man? Yeah, well, so-and-so said that you that you said that I blocked your number. I said, Well, you did. Man, I I don't I don't really recall, you know, I don't know why I would do that. You was the only one showing me love, you know. And I I said, Look, man, and I and I do love you. Said it offended me a little bit. I said, I only wanted just to check in and see how you do and give you some words of encouragement. I said, but I'm gonna tell you, my wife and my son are my only priority in life. And, you know, this up and down isn't solid for anybody in your life, man. And and I'm just gonna keep checking on you from a distance because I just don't want that around me, man. You know, I love you and I wish you the best. So, you know, the I guess the moral of the story is like you can drive yourself nuts wishing and wanting and doing everything you can to a point in your life where you know, a lot of mothers are the ones, the enablers, the ones that try so hard to to be the person for for their child. But there's enablers and everything, you know, so at some point it's okay to say sorry, you just you're just gonna have to stay away until you get this figured out. I love you. I'm always a phone call away, but don't show up on my doorstep looking. I I don't want it around me until you're I mean you're lying to me.

SPEAKER_00 21:19

I know it's the drugs or the alcohol or whatever it may be, but it's so hard as people to You can put that you can put your hand out and and try and pull someone towards the light, but it takes two, right? They gotta grab your hand and you gotta grab theirs if they let go. And that that is their choice. But the peace comes from knowing that you tried and that you didn't turn your back on the on the person. And um although I didn't turn my back on anybody, it's still it's still it's a it's a bit of an awakening for me that that it I need to do more. You know, not not s in in any respect sacrifice something for the person, but just give them give them a little bit of time and try and speak some truth in their life. And and even on the reverse of that, I had a uh a couple months ago, an ex-bandmate man when I was in this band, it was a Stoner Rock band. And just a it's just another another uh uh weed-infused, booze-infused band that I was in through the years. He he reached out to me on Facebook and said that he had given his life to Christ and uh was just professing the power of of Christ in his life and he's going to church. He's playing in the worship band and just all of these. He his his son passed at the age I think 33, something like that from cancer and liver cancer or something like that. He had a heart attack or then he lost his father shortly after his son and he had a heart attack and he's still he's still giving glory to God and in knowing that uh his son was saved uh professing Christian and you know the fact that that we can live our lives the way we've chosen because all of these are our choices what we've brought this these drugs these this this alcohol we've we've invited it all into our lives but we can uninvite it. Yeah and this this guy uninvited everything and even through those hardships of losing a son uh losing a father having a heart attack still give him glory to God and and he was in in when we had that he I I told him I asked him to call me so we talked we talked for like an hour. We talked more in that hour than the two and a half years that we had been in the band. I learned more about him in that hour phone conversation than I knew about him in the two and a half years that I was in that band. And that just tells you what what Christ will do for you because he opens your eyes and he opens your heart and he opens your mouth to to speak words of wisdom and words of edification and encouragement and and knowledge and I tell I was I was walking on cloud nine after having that conversation with the guy it was it was it was so great. It was so great.

SPEAKER_01 24:20

That's awesome yeah there it there's definitely to to see it you I I don't know man like walking the journey I didn't grow up in the I mean you met today for the first time like I said I've I've read your story and stuff so I tried to get to kind of know the type of person you are sitting in front of you it's been really cool you're very well articulated you you your message is crystal clear man so thank you for that it's it's just if people it's kind of like when you want to shake someone tell them that drugs aren't worth it just to get them away from that you kind of all I kind of like feel like you just following Christ the burden that that can that that can lift and I'll I'll put it on repeat and I'll sound like a broken record through some of our episodes you know it and I I just hope that maybe if you didn't hear it the first 15 times you might hear it one of the next 15 times it you walk so much freer in life when you have a relationship with Christ whatever level that relationship may be you don't have to jump and uh you know head first and and just start discovering you know start walking in that direction and things will start happening organically that'll help you along the way to get closer you just have to take the first step of saying like Christ died for me maybe I should give that a little bit of attention. Right. And and the rest will just organically start to manifest itself.

SPEAKER_00 26:07

So yeah even when somebody does give their life to Christ it's you know for some people it's it's a it's a miraculous encounter and other people it's a it's a it's a slow walk a slow walk of growth and and you know there's no one right way or wrong way the only way is Jesus in in saying I believe that he died for me I believe that his blood washed away my sin I believe that he stands between me and God and paid my sin debt and that's where it starts and if you can if you can get to that belief and and that that that is the first and most important step and the rest of it will come in time and and again it's not a list of rules and regulations that that the hammer's going to drop and God's going to strike you from this earth with a bolt of lightning it's just it's a series of steps forward sometimes it's a series of steps steps backwards because the old nature we're always fighting against it we've got it we've got to be aware of our surroundings the things that we put in our lives the the the places we go the things we do the things we watch it's it's but it's all for our own benefit but there's there's that flash it's like but I want what I want you know and you get you get that messaging 247 365 whether it's TV social media YouTube gratification instant gratification validation you know everybody everybody I I need to be validated my thoughts need validated I need to feel like I'm important I need to be special that's that's what's wrong you're a human being and we're here to to live life and and to be a blessing to one another to serve one another to serve God and all this other crap really doesn't count but but the world is structured in such a way by by Satan to snowball you know the the more he can take your attention the more he can take your attention off the eyes of God.

SPEAKER_01 28:06

Absolutely 100% I think it's three three guys sitting in a room that have lived on both sides of it and my humble opinion and it's just my opinion that I don't walk through life and do anything now that I that I I everything I do now that I enjoy I enjoyed before you take out the damaging things and what is the harm in that you know it's like I you it's so wild because I remember thinking well I had I had a buddy and he's like man I don't want you to not have fun because I I wasn't drinking a beer and I'm like and and I I'm not a hundred percent alcohol free I mean I'm not I don't drink a lot but he's a recovering alcoholic and he came around I told my dad I told my dad and my brothers how you know I'm I'm not even gonna have a beer tonight just to support him. Right. And he's like oh man you ain't gotta worry about man I'm I'm you don't have to not have fun just because I don't have fun. I'm like dude this is just as same to me whether I had a drink in my hand or I don't it's right there there's so much in life to enjoy you get lost in this cluster of what you think is a good time and partying and I think some of it comes with age but if I can reach young people my nephews my niece I'm like guys you know they're and they're doing great they're on a they're on a great path but I I don't know man I it I remember thinking that like man life's gonna be boring and even when I got sober it became boring because like you said addiction is like a full time with overtime job you know you and then when you're sitting in in sobriety you're like it inspired me to pick up music and so I'm like I need to do something constructive with my time and so there's there's always paths that we can take and choose from and I I don't really know what I'm trying to say other than like everything in life that I do now is the same that I done before that I truly enjoy. I'm not having to be completely obliterated to go do it to enjoy it like I thought I needed to be I guess I don't know yeah but it's just it's free it's freedom.

SPEAKER_00 30:32

You know you don't need alcohol or drugs to have fun. You don't need alcohol or drugs to cope with that family member at Thanksgiving that is always trying to trying to stir the pot. You don't need drugs or alcohol to to go to the store because you don't like to be around people. You know there's there's so many excuses that that that we as humans make for ourselves to give us to give us the right to to participate in those things and you know the friends that um you know who do drink and they say I'm not gonna drink around it's like I'm the one with the problem not not you right you're not an alcoholic or you you can have one and stop right yeah it's okay.

SPEAKER_02 31:20

Yeah that's not a problem it's yeah it's you know somebody like you that can have a beer and stop I can't do that you know what I mean so that's why I just completely cut it out of my life. But um so where are we at in your testimony?

SPEAKER_00 31:38

Oh so 2004 to 2011 is the AA years 2011 begins my journey back to God. Um so for whatever reason I come to church in Marion I mean there's plenty of churches in Delaware but uh you know I and I had visited some and found some when I began my journey back but Central Baptist stuck it stuck as the is the one that I had uh gravitated to that's largely because when I f when I uh a few years into uh being clean and sober I started this uh this band with a few few few fellows great guys uh one one who loved weed another who loved beer another who didn't really care for either but drank from time to time and I'm the sober guy um and I and I'm fulfilled I I you know musically I'm fulfilled I loved this project but um I knew that I could do more that I could give more of myself to God and music was the next step because I had yet to give that that over and uh um so a couple guys that you're you're familiar with up here in Marion uh had a band at the time called I think it was called New American Standard and uh they put it when the uh Alrosavilla still had its message board uh back in the day um they put out an ad looking for another guitar player and uh a fellow that you and I have both been in bands with uh his his vocals his lyrics man when I heard the music they they recorded I think it was like a three or five song demo uh it man it just started tugging on my heart and I was like I got I gotta I gotta move on from this secular music to to giving God uh praise through uh Christian music you know whether it's hard rock or metal or what um and that's that's that that that was another step forward in my progression is is to coming back and and recommitting my my life to God and um so I so I left that other band behind and started jamming with uh this new Christian band and uh have been in a except for a two and a half year period have been in a in a Christian band glorifying the Lord and trying to spread the gospel uh from that time forward. I can't even tell you the year that that was um but it's been a long time. Yeah there's there was one period where I had joined a uh secular band for uh two of the guys in the band are are preacher sons and by all by all means good dudes but it they're not standing on stage proclaiming the power of Christ. You know I want to be a part of a uh you know you it's a band but I want it to be more of a ministry than a band. Yeah. That that we invite people uh to talk to us uh invite people to uh if they need a hug if they need prayer you know after after the the set's done come come and talk to us you know reach out to us on social media whatever and we've gotten we've gotten some of that uh through social media people reaching out for prayer and um what what's your social media is oh well you know uh through all those years uh we'll get to that okay sorry yeah I'm I'm I'm repping the apparel right yeah but uh that's pretty pretty cool I wonder what it was I'm like that's a cool design yeah but um so 2005 September of 2005 I have my second daughter Olivia uh 2009 I have my fourth and final child Elijah August of uh 2009 and uh so all of through all this time clean and sober but I'm still struggling with that thorn on my side of of pornography and uh you know so honestly you know I think that that it that had had such a a deep and profound effect because that was the the first addiction and it's the last addiction that needs to be killed. And um and it's a it's just been a series of steps. I I think you know all the trauma that I put my ex-wife through she had you know we both made poor decisions uh even though we're going to church and professing Christ the Savior we we still make bad decisions you see it time and a time and again where Christian couples are divorcing um because their foundation isn't aligned and mine wasn't aligned with God and hers was I was supposed to be the leader of the family and I wasn't leading and uh for some reason I know what it takes to be a leader but when it comes down to it I I I don't I don't know what my problem is and I'm I'm I'm still working on that because uh I need to I need to set the example as to you know my kid the one the one child that uh I you know he's with me seven days on Elijah my youngest he's with me seven days on seven days off shared parenting he's 16 um he should see me reading the word more than he sees me reading the word uh he should see me on my knees praying more than he sees me on my knees praying um there are things that I still need to correct in my life that that show that I'm a man of God and and it's just it's always it's always one of those things especially you know as is leading up to the weeks of coming out I'm like reflecting all of this should I even do this podcast because I don't think I'm the kind of guy that should be sitting at testimony table podcast talking about God because there's still so many things in my life that I feel like I need to that I need to do better at and so I don't want to be a poor witness or a um in in bringing in any shame to the name of God because of the you know the things that I still struggle with.

SPEAKER_02 37:48

I mean that's a we've talked about this I think that's completely normal and I think that's the enemy you know we've got to keep telling ourselves that none of us are perfect and anybody who says that they don't sin is a liar the Bible says so. Um but it's it's the repentance part yes we'll still sin but it's the turning away from that a mental change a paradigm shift that where the the true change that Jesus gave you is shown in your life nobody's perfect man and somebody's gonna hear your story and and relate to it and see how Jesus has changed your life and you know it makes me think of a verse in 1 Timothy chapter 1 verse 15 and this is the apostle Paul writing to Timothy the the apostle Paul who wrote a huge chunk of the New Testament and he says here's a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners of whom I am the worst even the apostle Paul was doing the same thing you just did. You know the apostle Paul persecuted Christians and because of him Christians were murdered and God took him and gave him the word of God gave him the gospel so he could write it that we're still reading 2000 years later and you know I want to share the verse you you talked about one of your favorite verses Romans 724 what a wretched man I am who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death and Jesus is that and you know self-reliance leads to death 100% yeah so you know I appreciate the vulnerability and and we all struggle with that exact same thing and even the apostle Paul did. Yeah but God's still using you he's using us and you know as long as we are trying to further God's kingdom he's gonna bless it I believe so just wanted to say that.

SPEAKER_00 40:39

Yeah thank you for that yeah you know it's just you know you you look at your life I mean I don't know how much time you guys spend looking at your past um because of things in the present it's like how did I handle something in the past and am I gonna do something different today? And and it's it's one of those things where uh I sometimes forget how far I've come and it's easy to do because you're so you're so tuned in to what's happening around you in the moment that you forget where you've come from and what God's delivered you from. And it's easy for me to do that just like I can what what a wretched man I am. You know I still struggle with with that idea of myself as as being unworthy when he's called called us worthy. And it's a it's one of those mind games that I think the devil likes to play with us to to keep his pen down and and to keep us afraid uh from stepping out in faith and and talking about faith, talking about our past, talking about the present and what we're doing differently and how God's how God has changed us. It's it's something that I need to remember more often than I do because it's it's easy to to get lost in everything that's swirling around us in a moment because life is life is messy. It's unclean we're in like you said earlier we're in a fallen world and it's only getting worse by the day.

SPEAKER_01 42:09

Yeah that when when we started you know as I stated earlier not growing up in the church Brandon's been a real guiding light for me through making my way through the Bible for the first time ever from cover to cover it's it's uh it was one of my concerns I mean I you know I'm still so green and so fresh to to learning the things I don't want to say the wrong thing I don't want to do the so those anxieties have built in me but as we spoke on it you know if I can be that person that someone else relates to that maybe doesn't have history in the church but wants to you know in their 30s what it wherever you are in life it's never it's never too late. Never too late so those those feelings of man I don't want to come across like a like a hypocrite or or state the wrong thing like all that was but that's why I think spewing the the the stuff that I've learned in the time that I've been doing it is so important because it happens pretty quick and there's always going to be hiccups in life and maybe you make a wrong turn but getting a good foundation to to find it when you turn back around is important and for younger people or people of any age really I guess. So I I get what you're saying. I mean I and I and I hope anyone watching and has watched you fight those fears off and join us and give your testimony. We'll be inspired by that.

SPEAKER_00 44:03

Yeah, so you know, uh just so we don't make this a five hour podcast, but um um so you know I'm I'm going to church. The the my marriage is d deteriorating, bad choices made by both of us. Um 2018. Um I'm pretty convinced it's over. Um very convinced it's over by 2019. Um rather than um not being uh a prideful uh man thinking I can fix things uh without without my pastor, prideful thinking I can think fix things without the church. I step away from church, um become this shell of who I was trying to be uh full of fear, anxiety, worry, uh anger creeping up because of um uh my failures or her failures, and by December 2019 I'm divorced. Um May of 2020, uh uh that that knee injury that I suffered as a as a young person uh has finally taken its toll. I had to have a total knee replacement in May of 2020. Uh June 19th of 2020. I'm 30 days out of my surgery, and I'm going camping, and I feel like drinking, so I'm gonna drink. So I get some I get some alcohol. I travel up to northern Ohio from around where I used to live, get a campsite, and that's exactly what I do. Um you know, I didn't get fallen down drunk, but I wasn't in church at the time. Um, you know, because it I had stepped away when the when the marriage had started to fall apart rather than rather than be humble.

SPEAKER_02 45:58

You took your eyes off Jesus.

SPEAKER_00 45:59

Yeah, I took my eyes off Jesus. I uh as soon as as soon as that that calamity began, I took my eyes off of Christ. I took my I I disconnected from the power of Christ through the fellowship uh of of the church, through the guidance and wisdom of a man who's counseled many, many uh couples through probably more difficult things. Um and so um that led me back to the bottle. And uh I don't know, July 4th is when I decided to it so it's short-lived June June 19th to July 4th. You know, I just drank by myself um that first night camping.

SPEAKER_02 46:40

Now how were you feeling after that decision?

SPEAKER_00 46:45

Uh well it was r it was crazy. Like uh when I had my knee surgery the the the the day that I went home, this was right in the smack heart of COVID. Um I was sent home the same day I had that knee replacement. Uh they gave me Percocet, which did not touch the pain. So uh even though I took Percocet, I could not sleep. Uh the pain was too great. The next day they up up to uh delauded, which that was like night night time, whenever you take one of those things. Uh um and I had uh, I don't know, I think a four-day or five day script, and once that was out, I was like, man, what is going on? Um I did not feel right. I had this insane need to have uh uh one of my children with me, someone from my family with me, because I don't know, five days on that. I mean, I don't know how many I forget how much how much of what the milligrams was, but I felt like I I noticed there was a change when it was subtracted from from my body. And uh why I chose to drink was born out of being disconnected from God. It was feeling sorry for myself because of my divorce. It was uh feeling sorry for myself because I wasn't doing what I needed to do. It was just basically I I was ready to self-medicate, self- self-medicate and quiet, numb numb all of all of the trauma of a divorce. You weren't leaning on God. Not at all. I was I was I was married for 18 years with her for 25, so that was half almost half my life. Yeah. And uh so to have and to have to have a house full of children to going to no children until until the the shared parenting stuff kicked in.

SPEAKER_02 48:48

It's traumatic, I mean.

SPEAKER_00 48:49

Oh yeah, it was it was brutal. It it made him it made me question my self-worth. Uh it made me question what my purpose was.

SPEAKER_02 48:56

And and what does Satan do? I mean, what did he do when he tempted Jesus? Jesus right after he just fasted for forty days and forty nights, he's in his weakest physically. Um and dare I say spiritually, I don't know if Jesus could be spiritually weak, but definitely physically. And what does Satan do? That's when he comes in when you're at your weakest and he tempts even even the King of Kings, Satan tempted Jesus, and you were in such a weak point and Satan came to came after you.

SPEAKER_00 49:35

Yeah, I was weak physically, emotionally, spiritually, spiritually being the greatest weakness in that moment. Um But after that, after that first night I drank, you know, um I I mean after after I was off that delauded, I could not sleep. Um I was just out of that knee surgery and I could not sleep. Uh I don't know that I slept a whole night through for the next 30 days. The day that I the night that I drank, the next night, my br my uh my half-brother Matthew lives in my dad's house. He bought the house after he had passed. And um I went there and that was the first real night's sleep I had in like 30, 35 days. Um I still kept drinking. Um every night I drank after that. I mean, I didn't drink every night after that, but any time that I began drinking enough alcohol, I would like have a mixed drink, one or two mixed drinks one specific evening out of a week, or maybe a couple times out of the week, every time that I would drink, I would wake up around two o'clock in the morning with a blazing headache. And July 3rd is my younger brother's birthday. They had a little party. I left Marysville, Ohio, got a 12-pack of Corona, drank three coronas, wake up at two o'clock in the morning, blazing headache. I'm like, oh, okay, Lord, maybe maybe this isn't what I'm supposed to be doing with my life again. And so that was basically um the easier, softer way of not traveling further, wading deeper into the waters that I don't want to return to. It's like I took, you know, as is maybe as uh stupid as it sounds, uh, that a headache is a message from the Lord. Uh that's what I use to say this isn't this isn't the path you need to be traveling.

SPEAKER_02 51:26

Now, did you feel emotionally convicted by the Lord as well?

SPEAKER_00 51:29

Or did you just uh I I'm sure that was part of it. Um because again, I had had all of that that clean and sober time. And you know, from 2004 to 2020, it's a long time. I knew what was right. I was new, I knew what was right for me spiritually, I knew what was right for me physically, not to be putting that stuff into my body. Uh shortly after that, um, uh, because of that emotional turmoil I was in. Sorry, my stomach's growling, probably here and picking that up on the mic.

SPEAKER_02 52:03

I thought that was me.

SPEAKER_00 52:05

Same same mind has been the whole time. Uh I was I was in such a place spiritually and emotionally that I reached back out to my pastor from from Shining Light Baptist here in Marion, uh, Gary Carr, and uh um um my my friend John uh that came out to the house and I confessed all my junk, you know, why I felt like my marriage had deteriorated, why I walked away from the church, um the idea that that I was somehow gonna be able to handle all of that by myself without any spiritual guidance or the wiz the wisdom of a of a godly man uh like Gary and taking me through those tough times. And um so that that conversation that I that afternoon that I spent with them talking in my living room and just bearing my soul to them opened the door for me to come back to church. So I started, you know, June or July of uh 2020 when it is when I started going back to church. Um because I I had had already been going to Shining Light for several years before uh uh that event happened. But um, you know, being dis disconnected from 2018, like uh March 2018 to July of 2020 had its took its toll, right? Uh everything, all the emotional turmoil, the inviting alcoholic back into the life, just being totally disconnected from God. Um I wouldn't say I was totally disconnected, but I certainly wasn't abiding by, you know, uh I wasn't living in a state of prayer, wasn't living in a state of worship, I wasn't I wasn't doing anything that I needed to do to to to stay centered in uh in God. And so I started coming back to church. Um uh basically Gary and uh that fellowship there helped me helped me get back on the on the on the path that I needed to be on.

SPEAKER_02 54:11

And uh that's another thing that I can relate to because you know when I pleaded with God to take away alcoholism from my life, and he miraculously took away my cravings. Um you know, six months you know, I didn't have any cravings, I was done with it, and then six months in I would went to travel to Louisville, Kentucky for work, for training, and the devil came for me. You know, I chose to drink, and I stumbled and you know God really convicted me. Because it it wasn't just alcohol, I you know, I I struggled with pornography as well, and the the lust be came. And I I noticed it seems like alcohol and lust kind of always were a dynamic duo for me. And I screwed up, I stumbled, I messed up, and God really convicted my heart. And it was like that's how God spoke to me. You know, he spoke to you through through headaches, you know, it's whatever it takes, but it I was like, I almost needed that to happen to be like, wow, I I'm 100% sure I do not want this in my life. Like I screwed up and you know that's the beautiful thing about Jesus is he paid the price for my sins and he forgives me and I repented and you know now I'm over a year sober. It would have been 18 months hadn't I had I not stumbled, but I mean, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 56:16

Uh a step backward is always humbling. When you fall flat on your face is humbling, and unfortunately, sometimes we need that we need to be smacked right in the face with our own with our own failure. Yeah. Just to strike the pose of humility once again and hit our knees and understand that we can do nothing under our own power. Man, when I try to control something, it's a three-ring circus, man. You know, I I much of my life I take a hands-off approach uh these days because I know I cannot control anybody else. I know I can only control myself and I am only responsible for my decisions. I am not responsible for anybody else's decisions. The consequences they invite into their lives are theirs and theirs alone, just like mine are mine alone. And I cannot worry about what anybody else is doing. I can, you know, if my children come to me and say, Dad, I need some advice. I'm I'm all about it, but I'm not I unless I see somebody's totally screwing up that I love, I'm not gonna invite myself into their life and tell them what they're doing wrong, because nobody wants to be faced with that reality. Just like with drugs and alcohol, the only the only time we're ready to face the truth of our predicament is when we're ready to face the truth, and that's and it's no different than with anything else in life. If if somebody wants if somebody wants the truth, they're gonna seek it. And if they don't, they won't.

SPEAKER_02 57:47

Right.

SPEAKER_00 57:49

But uh, you know, so uh the that year after the divorce, uh, even even with the drinking, I took I took that time off. I was like, I'm I'm not going to be uh in the dating pool. Um eventually that changed in uh May of 2021. Began dating a uh a woman from from the rooms of AA, and uh and that relationship has had its ups and downs. Uh I think once once anyone goes through a divorce, they doubt their ability to carry on a relationship. And I certainly had my doubts and she suffered for it because there were many times that I had uh stepped away from the relationship just being unsure of of what I wanted for myself. Um But uh we were able to uh you know she she uh has willingly come to church with me. Um she had she had her own misgiving. She's she's a recovering addict and alcoholic herself, so we know we know what's waiting for us on the other side of the door, should we open either one. Um and uh we were married on September 6th of last year.

SPEAKER_02 59:11

And uh congratulations.

SPEAKER_00 59:13

Thank you. So we're we're on our journey. Um, you know, um as I uh was saying, she uh she she grew up in a s in a similar situation where there's many similarities in her and my story as far as family and uh uh church and how folks sometimes use religion as a as a means of power or uh uh self-opinion of being higher than when they're really not because we're all the same. We're all just find trying to find our way through through this world, trying to f trying to find Jesus, part, part in all the junk. And some people forget they might have found them a little easier, a little faster, and we're all on our we're all on our own path, and sometimes people use that as a means to judge and look down upon. And uh she felt that way uh for a long time. Um when she got when she got uh clean, she was uh, you know, she connected with nature and saw the beauty of God's handiwork and that was her that was her peaceful place. But you know, I I told her that when we began dating that I wanted a I wanted a woman that wanted to be a part of a church that would go to church willingly. Um and she's she's been that and uh so she's she's awesome. Yeah, she's come along a long way as far as that goes and making connections at the church and um you know coming coming coming from the back because I had a r I had some resentment against against my church that I grew up in because whenever I would go back and visit, you know, I was like, oh, there's the Mauer boys, they're not going to church anymore, they're on the highway to hell, you know, and rather than coming along saying, How are you how are you doing? Can I pray with you? Um are you are you are you still going to church? If not, you really you don't don't subtract that from your life. You still need that. And uh I never never got that. It was more of just like the you know, hushed hushed looks. And uh, you know, so I you know, there's there's those commonalities there that you know, I mean, I I love I love all I love all believers, man, but man, some of us are really messed up. You know, we really are. You know, I'm I'm messed up, I'm still messed up, and I make no bones about it. You know, I am not better than anybody that I sit next to in the pew or the next aisle over and the next dial, and they are no better than me. They might have the relationship with Christ together a little more, but they're still very messed up, fallible human beings. We're all in need of a savior, and that should always be the common point of any relationship between any brother and sister in Christ is that we all need Jesus, we all need forgiveness. And to to take it beyond anything other than that, you're just all you're doing is is creating division in the church. And if we just kept it that simple, we're all here because we need forgiveness, it would be the church would be in a much better place than it is today.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:22

Amen. And you know, as we start to wrap up, why don't you talk a little bit about you know monarchs to oblivion, do a little plug. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:32

So talk about it. Yeah. Um so we uh we have been uh we've been a band uh music ministry since uh like February of 2018. Uh so we're almost like nine years old, ten years old, something like that. Wow coming up on nine. Um and uh the core group of guys was uh was Chad, Ryan, uh, and Mike and myself. Uh 2021, things changed. Ryan stepped away, he was the guitar player. Uh I moved, I was the bass player, I moved to guitar, etc. So things have just grown over the years. My Mike, our vocalist.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:17

I'm really sorry about that.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:18

That's all right. It happens. Take a little break. No, no, no, no. I'm just gonna I I could stand to take a leak.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:26

Well, we're are you you have a lot more to talk about, or we should be wrapping up soon? Okay. Um just happened.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:35

I'm really sorry that that happened, dude.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:36

You're good. Yeah, so so the the the band ministry, you know, we've gone through some changes over those eight years. You know, uh our vocalist left in October of last year. We had it, you know, when when Ryan left and I moved over to guitar, we found a bass player, Daniel. He's also here in Marion. Um and uh all of these guys that are in the band today definitely have a heart for God, not that anybody ever did uh that's been here, but Mike left in October of last year. He just his kids when he when he first joined the band, his kids were young. Now they're uh approaching uh early teens. Uh they're involved in every sport, known to man. Mike works Mike works two jobs. Um he's a beekeeper. Uh he has uh uh basically a farm in his backyard in Reynoldsburg, Ohio. A fenced in backyard. He's he's involved in a lot of things, and so uh he felt that his time was better served uh being with his uh wife and children, and which is totally respectable. Yeah. Uh the the guitar player that we did have in the band, his name was Jared, and uh he uh moved to Nashville a couple years ago, and just uh, you know, that the time in the distance, any sort of cohesive writing or practicing or even doing shows had become increasingly difficult. Um so when Mike left, uh he left. Enter Ryan, the original guitarist, he came back. Uh so we went on a vocalist search and found a gentleman named Johnny uh from Dayton. This guy's a trooper. He drives, he drives an hour and a half to practice every Thursday because he he feels like he's called to this ministry.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:17

Don't you guys have a show coming up here in Marion?

SPEAKER_00 1:05:19

Yeah, yeah. So Marion, Ohio on May 16th. Uh we're playing at Shining Light Baptist Church with uh uh Stars Will Fall and Under the Blood, which is uh Glenn Monas's band. Uh he's also uh co-pastor or associate pastor at Shining Light Baptist, and uh uh so it's it's kind of cool. Friday, my wife and I are going down to uh Kentucky to see Demon Hunter at the Manchester uh music theater. Nice. Uh spending the night down there, coming back up here uh playing uh this event at uh Shining Light Baptist Church, and then I get a couple days.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:03

Yeah, so it's monarchs to oblivion, correct? Yeah. So people can find you on Facebook.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:09

Yeah, we're on Facebook. Uh there's an Instagram page which we were we we stink at social media. I should have you guys if one of you guys want to volunteer to post videos on our fan page because we're horrible at it. We we don't know how to interact with with uh social media. But uh Facebook, uh Instagram, we have our own website, monarchs2oblivion.com. Uh we have three albums out. Uh the first one um uh is just uh self-titled. Second one is called I Am. The third one, which we just released last August, is called Testimony. So uh might have to have to get a little uh monarchs to oblivion logo up here or something. But uh yeah, we're blessed. Uh I'm blessed. Um I'm I'm grateful to be uh clean and sober. I'm grateful to be free. Um it it is as much as Christ has done in my life, it's still my free will to make the choice to follow. And that is the the that is the daily task of any believer. It's still my choice to follow. And so I pray that uh that we all make that daily choice, no matter what's going on in our lives, is to follow, because um the alternative for people like us is a very a very dark place. And uh I don't I don't want to live like that anymore, man. I had my I had my 15 years and uh that was plenty. Do I do I still make mistakes, still make wrong choices, do I still invite things or put things uh whether it's whether it's on the TV or social media, see things that pop up and get your mind going in the wrong direction. Uh we just need to be on guard as men, especially as the leader of our homes. Uh uh God put us at the head of the house for a reason. Uh you know, as as scary as that task sometimes is, or as daunting as it sometimes is, we were given that place for a reason, and it's it's it's up to me to to lead. And uh that is definitely something that uh uh has been made more apparent to me as as of late that uh I need to step up my game and my effort and uh bring God more into not just being in my head or in my heart, but coming out of my mouth. Um not just praying, but talking about God, giving him praise and saying, Praise, praise the Lord, thank you, Jesus, thank you for this day, thank you for getting me through this, that, or the other thing, and and letting my wife or letting my kid or kids, whoever happens to be around, know that I'm assigning glory to God because of of what he's done, that whether it's something huge or something just as uh as small as waking up and making a cup of coffee and having that first cup of coffee in the morning, it's all worth it.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:17

Well, I hope that didn't cut you off. I just playing the outro music. Um you know, I want to thank you, Matt. Thank you, thank you. Um but I want to um just real quick, at the end of every show, I like to just talk about, you know, in Romans 10-9, it says if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and you believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. So anybody that's listening, you know, God is standing there waiting for you to accept him in your heart. And no matter what you've been through in your life, no matter how many sins you've committed, God is bigger.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:09

And just you can't outsend God's love.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:14

Absolutely. So amen. Um just whatever it takes, get on your knees, confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord, accept him into your heart. So you want him want him to be Lord of your life, and just watch how Jesus can transform your life. Um again, JD, thank you so much.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:36

Definitely, thank you. You're very well spoken, dude. Yeah, that was awesome.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:41

Um, like I said, it's it's a privilege and an honor. Um, never really thought I'd be sitting down having this conversation, but uh it's good, it's a good review of where I've been, what I've done, where I am today. And I mean we all we all are a work in progress, and uh, you know, I'm just I'm just grateful to still be alive and and having that opportunity. I I know, you know, we didn't talk about a few things, not not that they aren't unimportant, but there's certain things that people have done to themselves that they thought they were of no value, and they're no longer here with us. And we, especially as fathers, are of more value alive than dead. We have so much to give, and just because the world tries to tell us that we're we're the lesser of the of the two, um, man and woman, uh, we're not. We need to stand up for what's right, we need to stand up for our families, we need to protect our families. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:44

Look at the camera, everybody. Thanks, everybody.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:49

Yep, thank you.