The Freedom Room Podcast | Richard

Richard talks raw and open to Rachel about his journey with alcohol addiction, the effects on his family, the support from The Freedom Room, and being 100 days sober tomorrow. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Hello and welcome to the Freedom Room podcast. My name's Rachel Akers. Today we are on episode 16. We have the amazing Richard with us today. Richard is going to talk about his journey with alcohol addiction, and we're going to start with telling you that he's 100 days sober tomorrow. So, Richard, thank you for joining us today. Tell me first off, how does that feel? 100 days sober tomorrow.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

100 days sober. Um, firstly, it feels amazing. Secondly, I didn't think I'd be here. But through the freedom room and bit of self-determination and a bit of uh mindset change, um, I'm here and I can't believe it's 100 days tomorrow. It's just um yeah, a bit uh how should I say, um yeah, I didn't think I would get here. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:05

So can you tell us a little bit about your your journey with alcohol?

SPEAKER_00 1:08

Yeah, absolutely. Um so alcohol has been in my life for as long as I can remember. Whether it be around my family, um, whether it's me drinking, whether it's been in the environment that I've been in as an adult, but it's always been there, it's always been prevalent. Uh alcoholism is rife throughout my family. Um it goes back to you know, my grandmother, she was an alcoholic. Uh she did get sober, but very late in life. Um, my dad's an alcoholic. Um, my mum had issues with alcohol, my uncles had lots of issues with alcohol, and uh and then it went so far into the environment that I was in, um, especially that I was um in the army for 10 years. Oh, okay. And that has a very strong drinking culture. I think even people from the outside uh looking in do know that in the Australian Defence Force there is a very strong drinking culture. Yeah. Um so I was surrounded by that for a very long time.

SPEAKER_03 2:16

And what did um growing up with your family look like when you say, like, you know, um alcohol was always there, and you know, there obviously there's a lot of um alcoholics there that you mentioned. Were they daily drinkers every day?

SPEAKER_00 2:31

I don't know for sure if they were daily drinkers, but they were heavy drinkers.

SPEAKER_03 2:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:37

Um my father definitely was a daily drinker, a very, very heavy drinker. Um and he's um on late set um dementia at the moment.

SPEAKER_03 2:49

Um, and brought on by alcohol.

SPEAKER_00 2:52

Brought on by alcohol, and I didn't know that before meeting you, um, which was very interesting. Um my mother she doesn't drink anymore because she knows the effects that it has on her. Um, but yeah, it was such a strong culture around our family that if there was ever an event, a birthday, a Christmas, what have you, it was always alcohol involved.

SPEAKER_03 3:20

Yep. And and again, that is something for our listeners to know that to be an alcoholic, you don't have to drink every day. Um, a lot of people's perception that uh an alcoholic is somebody who wakes up in the morning, has got a whiskey by the bed and drinks 24-7. Um, and that's not actually the definition of an alcoholic, is it? It's an alcoholic is somebody who has lost control of their drinking and drinks no matter the consequence. So an alcoholic can go a few days without drinking.

SPEAKER_00 3:53

Oh, absolutely, and I think coming to the Freedom Room has changed my perception of what an alcoholic is and what alcoholism really is. I used to think that um well having a few drinks is normal and that you're not an alcoholic. And I'm not saying that you can have people can't have a few drinks and that they're an alcoholic.

SPEAKER_03 4:14

No, that's right.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

But my perception was that it was the norm that you drank on occasions and that you drank at barbecues, you drank at birthdays, you drank on Christmas Day, and that was that was the normal thing to do. But as obviously we'll discuss um today, is that it led into my drinking to be completely and utterly out of control.

SPEAKER_03 4:39

I remember my son's first birthday, so my son obviously was in sobriety, and his first birthday, and we had a birthday party for him, and I say he was the only one who means the birthday party wasn't really for him, he doesn't remember any of it now. Um it was really weird because there was no alcohol, and and I said to my husband at the time, I said to him, you know, it's weird having this without alcohol. And my husband's response is it's a one-year-old's birthday, and my response was yeah, you know, where he had no concept that why on earth would you have alcohol at a one-year-old birthday, and my concept was, well, actually, the party is for the adults, and why would you not have alcohol at a one-year-old's birthday?

SPEAKER_00 5:32

Oh, absolutely, it becomes so ingrained in our society that if there's an event you have to drink. And I just that's just brought up a memory. I remember years ago, um, my son had a football game um on the Sunshine Coast, and I think it was under 12s, and me and a few mates went there to watch. And what did we do? We took alcohol there, and it's like and we did get removed from the from the um grounds because you can't have alcohol at a junior rugby league game. But when I look back on it, I was like, well, this is what you do. This in my head, it was a norm thing to do, but when you think about it in a clear frame of mind, it's like that's that's not right. No. Why do you need to drink at your son's football game? Yeah, yeah. Especially when they're 12 years old.

SPEAKER_03 6:24

What part of that are you not enjoying that you need to be exactly so tell me a little bit about when you was in the army, um you're drinking then?

SPEAKER_00 6:41

Well, prior to joining the army, I was a very heavy drinker. Um I had on occasions been approached by members of my family, just met friends, uh, that hey, I think you're drinking too much. And it was probably, you know, every night, probably a six pack a night.

SPEAKER_03 6:59

At what age are we talking about?

SPEAKER_00 7:01

Oh, like, you know, 20s, early 20s. Okay. Um, but when I joined the army, that culture surrounding um drinking was a big influence. That it was the norm to drink no matter what. So Thursdays were sporto days, you go and play um your chosen sport, and then you go back to the the the boozer, which is your on-base bar, and you drink. Um and then you'd have things like dining in nights where it was literally the last man standing, and you could not leave until you had a skin full. Um, but that was the culture, and that was the norm. So taking my already drinking problem and then putting into that culture, it just exacerbated it.

SPEAKER_03 7:48

Yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_00 7:48

And it just became exponentially worse. Um, and but in my head, I was normalizing it that this is what you do. Um, and then I was medically discharged discharged in uh 2015, and I had placed so much emphasis on me being a soldier that that was my identity. Um I lost that identity, which now I can see was wrong to um say that hey, you're just a soldier, which I'm not. I'm um much more than that. That was just a part of my life that I went through. I can say that now. Um and then I used the that excuse as a as a crutch, and that's when my drinking spiled way out of control.

SPEAKER_03 8:36

Because we love to have those um important moments in our life that you know we can drink on, like yeah, being discharged from the army. Mine was like my dad passing away, and you know, we hold on to them too because it's like I don't want to deal with this actually, because this is what I drink on, so I'm gonna keep hold of that. Thank you very much. Um, and we can just use it at any given moment on why we're gonna drink even more than we would normally drink.

SPEAKER_00 9:07

Oh, 100%. The holding on to things, and that wasn't just the only thing, but I was holding on to a lot from my childhood. Yeah, so this was just adding on top of it, and then in my head, I was justifying my drinking because I was holding on to those emotions and those feelings, and using that as an excuse that it's okay to drink out of control because that's how you deal with your emotions, that's how you deal with the feelings, which is completely wrong. It just gets worse, it gets worse and it gets worse.

SPEAKER_03 9:38

Because you stop growing emotionally um when you start drinking, when we get sober, we you know, our emotional capacity you is like of an age 13, 15 year old. Do you remember your first drink?

SPEAKER_00 9:52

Oh, absolutely, yeah?

SPEAKER_03 9:54

Okay, because normal drinkers, whatever that is, don't. If I was to say to my husband, do you remember your first drink? He'll be like, No. Whereas I could tell you every bit about mine and you know what that looked like. What did yours look like?

SPEAKER_00 10:07

Oh, it was horrible. I think I was 15 at a friend's birthday party. My dad bought me a six-pack of forex heavy, drank that, and then once I drank that, I drank everything I could find, everything I could scavenge. And I woke up in the bathtub of my friend's house covered in vomit.

SPEAKER_03 10:24

Nice. So your dad um brought the drink for you, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 10:29

And that was an accepted normal thing to do then. I'd rather know what they're doing. Yeah, yeah. It's like becoming of age thing. Okay, well, you're at 15. Yeah, and all that old adage, um, I'd rather them do it safely, yeah. Whatever that means, um, than go out and um buy it somewhere else.

SPEAKER_03 10:47

Let's not worry that they're breaking the law, you know. Like, oh, he can break into a house because let's not worry about breaking the law because he's doing it safely, exactly. He's doing it safely and he's doing it openly. I know what he's doing. Yeah, bullshit.

SPEAKER_00 11:02

Yeah, and the hangover from that, I still remember my head pounding, feeling like shit, and not remembering half the night, and then straight away having the the shame and regret of you know what happened, what did I do? Um, yeah, it was horrible. It took me like I reckon three or four or five days to get over, even at 15.

SPEAKER_02 11:28

But clearly not enough to go not doing that again.

SPEAKER_00 11:31

Absolutely not. So okay, where's the next one? Yeah, and how do I do it better to make sure I don't end up in the Yeah, make sure I eat before, make sure I drink plenty of fluids. Yeah. So, yeah, but that never that never stopped me.

SPEAKER_03 11:46

Um how did it impact your home life with your your drinking?

SPEAKER_00 11:52

It affected every single aspect of it. Um, I look at my home life from the past you know, 14 years since I've been with my wife Candace.

SPEAKER_03 12:06

She's beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

Yes, she is. I'm punching a lot.

SPEAKER_03 12:09

You are so punching. How she yeah, how she stayed with you while you were so alcoholic is yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

I I do not know, and I thank her for giving me the chance to get to where I am today, and she's given me plenty of second chances. I think I'm probably on the sixth, seventh, eighth, tenth time. But at the time when we first met, um I did have a drinking problem, and I I tried to hide it, um, but she's a very smart and very intuition person, and she knew that I she I had a drinking problem. But after I discharged from the army and the years leading up to today, it was it impacted our family life and our relationship to the point of you know a hair's breadth from divorce. And she always said that she loved me, and I always thought that you know that's enough.

SPEAKER_03 13:08

Yeah, but it it clearly wasn't because also they have to take care of themselves, and you know, they've got to have enough love for themselves, and um I'd I do say often that I'm very glad that I was the alcoholic and not the partner because I don't quite know how good I would have been at being the partner of me.

SPEAKER_00 13:35

Oh, and I've thought about that too before you switched roles. I don't think I don't think I would be hanging around. I don't think I would have stuck around either. No. Shows how much strength she has inside that she stayed with me for so long.

SPEAKER_03 13:51

And they know deep down as well, they know the real us. They also know that we can be beautiful human beings without alcohol, but yeah, it just gets less and less seen.

SPEAKER_00 14:03

And I I know for a fact that that's what she did see. Yeah. She knew that I was a loving dad, and that I did have the potential to be a wonderful husband and a loving husband, and someone that she likes, and someone that she converse with and someone she can confide in. But I I didn't I wasn't there for her, I wasn't present. I was there physically, but I wasn't present for her emotionally, and that affected her in ways that I don't think I'll ever fully understand. But there's always time for healing. Um but that has to start with me because I've learned in the past you know nearly 100 days that I have to be selfish and fix myself in order to love her greatly and that she has time to heal.

SPEAKER_03 14:58

100%, yeah. We have to put ourselves first, and some people um don't get that, and and I didn't get that. I remember in early sobriety um and my AA sponsor um saying to me, Um, you know, you need to put your recovery, you need to put this before everything, before your kids, before everything. And I was like, fuck off, you know, I've put everything before my kids, I'm not doing it anymore. And do you remember she said, right, okay, get in the car. And I was all excited, and I'm like, Why? Where are we going? She went to the pub, she went because it's the only place you're gonna end up, right? And I was like, Oh, okay, and she said, I promise you, everything that you put before your recovery, you will lose. Maybe not be today, maybe not be tomorrow, but you will lose it, and that's why you've got to build yourself first. And it's not, even though it feels selfish for a time, it's not us being selfish by putting ourselves first, or at least putting our recovery first, it's a ripple effect, it absolutely ripples out to everybody around us. So keeping us sober and happy and healthy then goes on to everybody else around us. Um, so I see that now, and obviously you do too.

SPEAKER_00 16:22

Yes, um, and I've tried plenty of times, and the operative word it is try, I didn't do. Um, I've had periods of sobriety up to 230 odd days, but I was always doing it for someone else. I was always doing it for my wife, I was always doing it for my kids, um, I was always doing it for my friends, always doing it for external validation that hey Richard, you're doing a great job, good on you.

SPEAKER_03 16:49

And inside you're thinking, fuck off.

SPEAKER_00 16:51

Yeah, and I always knew that I would get to a point where I can say, Well, I've done X amount of days, I know I can control it this time. Yeah, but the example was last year after about a sobriety, I would I thought, and I mean, I've deserved to have a drink. And so I went and had one. The next day, two, next day ten, and then I was just on a downward spiral to oblivion. And that mindset that I changed from walking in the door here was was to be selfish with my recovery, make that I'm going to do this for me, and you're doing it for the reasons that you want, not for others.

SPEAKER_03 17:35

No, you're showing up for you, and showing up for me.

SPEAKER_00 17:38

So I've built my week around um coming to the meetings on Monday, that's my time. Turning up for Zoom meetings, making sure that I'm there, coming to one-on-ones, that's my time to get recovered. Because if I can love myself um greatly, I can, like you said, the the ripple effect, I can love others even greater.

SPEAKER_03 18:01

Absolutely. And when we do it for ourselves and we show up for ourselves, we actually enjoy recovery. When we're doing it for somebody else, oh you don't it feels like a chore.

SPEAKER_00 18:14

Yeah, 100%. And I can say without a shadow of that that I do enjoy my time coming here on Monday because I like to, you know, take the cotton bud out of my ears, close my mouth, and just listen. And that has been something that has just been almost uh a revelation to just shut up and listen. Yeah, stop being so stubborn thinking that you know everything, because you don't, and listening to everyone's stories, and everyone's story is different, but something in each and every single person's story of recovery and alcoholism, it resonates with you.

SPEAKER_03 18:52

Yeah, you can relate to something from everyone, no matter their walk of life, no matter how different you may be in professions, or you know, you always have that one thing in common, and there's always one thing that you can relate to that yeah, you've done, said, behaved, or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 19:13

Yeah, and that was a big fear coming to my first meeting. It was very anxious, very nervous, scared fear of you know what I'd be uh unplugging within myself because I've repressed a lot of things for so long. Um, but then walking through the door and then seeing all walks of life you know, young, old, men, women, professionals, you know, workers, um, there's all sorts of different people, and that really opened my eyes to the stereotype that I had of what a drunk was. You know, you think of someone with walking around barefoot, you know, tattered clothes, reeking of you know, beer, um, but that really opened my eyes that hey, this disease, and it is a disease, yep, affects everyone. It affects all.

SPEAKER_03 20:04

It and it doesn't discriminate, it doesn't matter who you are, where you've come from, how much money you've got in the bank, who you live next door to, who your parents are, um, if it's gonna get you, it's gonna get you. Yeah, you know, um, it's an addictive toxin, and if it's gonna get you, it's gonna get you. Um, and that's another thing that people don't actually know what it actually is. I didn't know what alcohol was when I was drinking it. I I thought, well, it can't be that bad, it's legal, you know. If it was really that bad, they wouldn't be selling it, you know, and um to find out that it is no different than cyanide, and that you know, if you were to drink alcohol in its neatest form, it would kill you as quick as cyanide would, which um is crazy. What was the turning point for you? What was it that um you know we refer to them as rock bottoms, but what was your rock bottom? What was your turning point that made you um reach out to the Freedom Room?

SPEAKER_00 21:03

I wouldn't call my turning point a rock bottom, um, but in saying that it was a very low point. I've had a lot of rock bottoms um where I thought that this is it.

SPEAKER_03 21:16

Rock bottoms do have a basement though, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:20

Um but this one was uh I flew to Tasmania for an Anzac day with my um army mates, and I s you know I said or I pretended that I wasn't drinking.

SPEAKER_02 21:36

Oh really?

SPEAKER_00 21:37

Yeah, but you know, that's what alcoholics do. They hide and they lie, not only to others, but to themselves especially. Um so a organizer to fly down, and before I got on the plane, I sculled two bottles of wine. Um I also had a bottle of whiskey in my carry-on. Uh flew down, got off the plane, um, and then knacked half a bottle of whiskey, and then I don't remember the rest of the trip. I don't even know how I um managed to be coherent enough to get into a cab to get where I was going. And when I got there, the look of and I do remember snippets of the day after, uh the day there, um, so it wasn't a complete blackout, and the complete and utter disappointment from my closest friends and brothers was almost too much to bear.

SPEAKER_03 22:41

Because they were expecting you to turn up sober, you had told them you weren't drinking, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:45

You know, feeding them so much bullshit that hey, I'm on the you know, the up and up. You know, and they've known for a long time that I struggled with alcoholism and my drinking and whatnot. Um and the yeah, the the sheer disappointment, and and there was no more anger towards me, it was just and there was no, oh Richie, go sort yourself out. It was just nothing. It was just disappointment and despair, probably, not knowing what to do with you. Yeah, because they've given me so many chances that it's like, well, you know, if you're not gonna help yourself, what can we do? We can't we can't change you anymore. We, you know, it's it's it's really up to you. So um, yeah, that was a really, really horrible time in my life, and I I left. I didn't even make it, and that was the day before Enzo Day, I didn't even go there NSA Day because I was so embarrassed and so disgusted because it was like a piece of my soul had been taken out and been thrown on the ground and trod over, and I didn't even know who I was, didn't even recognise myself, and then so I left because I couldn't, I was such a coward, I couldn't face them. Um and then yeah, so obviously the shit hit the fan, and I came home, and that I thought that was it. I thought my wife was gonna leave me, which she was pretty close to doing, and that I was gonna lose everything. And then I was sitting on the couch and feeling sorry for myself, and woe is me and blah blah blah, being someone that I'm not, I I don't feel that I am, that was close to my morals and values. And Candace, through some serious strength and courage, sent me a link to the Freedom Room. And that was a lifesaver, it really was, it was an absolute lifesaver that I clicked on the link, had a quick read through, and went, well, you know what, it can't get any worse. So clicked through, made the appointment, and then got a phone call, and then you know, and now I'm here.

SPEAKER_03 25:03

Yeah. So what what um what support do you get from the Freedom Room that um has made a big difference to you? Is there a particular part of the program that you feel um works better, or you know, is it all of it? Why what is it what's different about getting sober here with the Freedom Room to when you've tried to do it by yourself?

SPEAKER_00 25:32

Well, I've tried to do it by myself, and I 100% believe that you cannot. No, you need a support network around you, and to me, that support network is and the most vital thing for me is coming here on Mondays and listening to people's stories and being able to be open and vulnerable is such a revelation, and also being able to own your alcoholism, to say that I'm an alcoholic and that it's okay because you're on the path to recovery.

SPEAKER_03 26:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:07

And coming on Mondays and knowing, like I said, that it's all different walks of life and that it doesn't discriminate has been something that has helped me so much. You know, I'm I'm very early on in the 12 steps, um, and and but that's okay. Um, but to me, making sure that I come on Monday nights and listening and surrounding myself with people that are like-minded, um, it gives me courage and determination and strength that you can do it, you can get sober no matter how hard you think it is, because there's others out there that have done it. So if they can do it, you can do it.

SPEAKER_03 26:50

What advice would you give somebody, or um you know, what words of hope would you give to somebody who is struggling out there and don't know um what to do or how to get well, what would you say to them?

SPEAKER_00 27:07

Well, coming from a long-term alcoholic and coming from a family of alcoholics to someone that drinks in excess of 30 standard drinks a day and then now being nearly a hundred days sober, whoop whoop if I can do it, you can do it. And take solace in the fact that if you step through the door, that is takes so much courage. Yeah, it is and that courage grows resilience, and that resilience grows determination, and that determination will get you on the ro on the path to recovery. I'm a classic example of it because I have been so low for so long, and to see and feel where my life is right now compared to it was um four months ago, um, I would never have thought that I would be in uh a place that I am right now. So if you think you've got a drinking problem, you do.

SPEAKER_03 28:17

If you are Googling, you've got a problem. Yeah, am I an alcoholic? I actually had that one. Somebody did call me up and say, How do I know if I'm an alcoholic? Well, non-alcoholics don't bring up places and say, Am I an alcoholic? Let's go with me if you're an alcoholic.

SPEAKER_00 28:34

Um it will be the best thing you've ever done because it will transform your life in ways that you wouldn't think possible.

SPEAKER_03 28:43

Um within these walls, you know, um we have happy stories, sad stories, we have tears, we have laughter, but you know, no meeting goes past where there's not belly laughs, right? Um, and where we laugh properly, where we proper laugh, that you know, and that's because we are in that safe place where we can all laugh at each other because of things that we've done, but also look at getting better and moving on from that.

SPEAKER_00 29:19

Yeah, I think um I can't remember who the writer was, I think it was Walt Whitman. Um he said, be curious, not judgmental. And I think if you take that on board to be curious and not be judgmental of others, and especially doing that coming in here, you can you can learn and you can grow and you can just be a better person. And it's and when you come here and you uh you are vulnerable and you are curious, it creates a space of it's it's a genuine thing. Yeah, it's genuine and wholesome, it's not empty and fragile, it's there's some there's some sort of strength that you gain from coming here.

SPEAKER_03 30:01

Yeah, you can't you can't actually put it into words, can you? No, it's it's very hard to put it on. It really is, yeah. Until somebody has experienced how it feels to be in here on a Monday night, um, nobody can actually ever quite understand it, can they?

SPEAKER_00 30:18

And I think that goes back to what we're talking about, um, doing it on your own. You can't, even if you even if you just turn up, just turn up, it it will make your day better. Yeah, 100%. And if that day is better, then tomorrow can be better, next week can be better.

SPEAKER_03 30:37

Yeah. So um tell me, how is home life now? What what's what's it like to be a part of your family now after almost a hundred days of sobriety?

SPEAKER_00 30:47

It's actually great to be home, and I don't call it a house anymore, I call it a home because Candace and I um we're going from strength to strength and we're creating a home. We're creating a safe environment, a positive environment, especially for our kids, and it's somewhere where we want to be now. Um, and I never really understood why Candace always spent so much time at work. Because she didn't she didn't want to be at home, she didn't want to see me because she knew that when she came home she'd see me being uh see me drunk. In the state that you were in. You know, I always thought it was really clever, and I'd you know have mouthwash and you know I would you know put clear eyes in to make my eyes nice and clear and bright. But as soon as she got home, she said, You're drunk. No, I haven't I've only had one. What are you talking about? Dare you! And that wasn't a nice place for her to come home to, and that tension and then that just awfulness surrounding our our house at the time has disappeared and it's um created a family bond that we actually want to spend time around each other.

SPEAKER_03 31:55

Because she's got her husband back, right? Whereas for a while there she had an extra child. Because that's what we're like.

SPEAKER_00 32:02

We are like a yeah big incoherent with the the the worst child. Oh the worst dribbling shit constantly and just being incoherent, not having a conversation, and now it's we can actually communicate with each other, we actually have conversations, actually want to hear how a day is, um, and we can bounce off each other. And we were married four months ago, but we weren't a partnership, and now we've gone back to yeah, we love each other, but now we actually like each other, yeah, which has been great.

SPEAKER_03 32:38

Yeah, it's almost like falling in love all over again.

SPEAKER_00 32:40

Oh, we have, we really have. Um going on date nights and actually wanting to spend time to eat with each other uh it's been fantastic, and then we've got we're going to Bali in uh it was about 10 days now, and um I'm really looking forward to that, um, especially without alcohol, and I haven't really even thought about it because um we're going as a family and it's just going to be some really great time as a as a family unit to enjoy each other's company and um do some fun things together, but just really spend some time together.

SPEAKER_03 33:14

Yeah, connect, reconnect. Yeah, exactly. You said um alcohol hasn't you haven't really thought about it, whereas I'm sure a year ago, if you went a year ago, um it would have been right, do I take it with me? Where do I get it from? How much do I need to get at one place? And and because we get to that point where we're not it's not just about it taking over when we drink, it just consumes our whole life because we're either you know, we're thinking about drinking, we're thinking about not drinking, we're drinking, we're recovering from drinking, and then we start again. Um, and it's just constant. Whereas now for this holiday, don't even have to think about that at all. It's like, what book am I gonna take to read?

SPEAKER_00 33:57

Yeah, I I couldn't agree with you more. It alcoholism consumed my life so much, and not just the act of drinking, but where am I gonna drink? How am I gonna drink? Where am I gonna get it? And I sort of think back to the COVID days when we're going into lockdowns. I was having panic attacks because I was thinking, well, if we're gonna be locked down, how am I gonna get booze? Are they gonna close the pubs? Are they gonna close the bottle shops? And then that sort of led into the the life that I was living, that it was a constant battle in my mind to try and figure out where am I gonna hide it, when am I gonna get it next, where do I have to get it, um, and then the time to try and drink it in secret, which I you know clearly I wasn't because nobody knows I'm drinking to where I am at this point in my life, and seeing the positives that have come out from being sober, that I will look back and go, well, everything, every negative and everything that bad that happened was around alcohol, and it was consuming my life to the point that I thought about every second of every single day.

SPEAKER_01 35:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:23

So now when I'm thinking about, or when I'm going to bali with my family, I'm thinking, well, if that's gonna if you drinking is gonna be a negative and there's gonna be um terrible outcomes, but now that everything positive that's happened in the past four months is because you're not drinking, why would you want to even think about it? It's like I'm having an internal monologue with myself, you know, questioning and answering, um, and that has been so liberating to understand that everything negative is associated with drinking, everything positive is coming from me being sober. Yeah, so be sober and look forward to the good times because they're gonna come. Oh, yes, obviously, you know, life keeps lifeing and shit is gonna hit the fan. Yeah, but you don't need alcohol to deal with that. No, so that's that's how I take it. Um, you know, the the old adage of one day at a time, and I never really understood what that meant. It means one day at a time, you know. I've got to get to a point, you know, 200 days where I can say, Oh, I can have a drink um on an acceptable level. But it's I've gone to the mindset that just do today, just do today, and tomorrow will be okay. Yeah, so um, yeah, it sort of got on a bit of a tangent where um I'm actually focusing on the good things that are gonna come from it, like spending some time together as a family, and and that sort of goes back to my childhood um where I didn't have that father figure, that that pillar of strength and courage and wisdom that I wanted to rely on, that when the chips were down, I would go to him and go, Hey Dad, I'm not doing too well. Can I have some advice? I never had that, and I don't want to pass that on to my children. Yeah, you you're changing the cycle, you're you know, stepping away from what generations before you have done, and uh yeah, because it was such a a long cycle of alcoholism within my family that I put in my head, well, if I don't break this cycle, I'm gonna pass it on to my children.

SPEAKER_03 37:46

100%, because that's what they would see as the way to deal with life, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:50

And I I think that's wrong on so many levels, because a father to me is meant to be the strength and leader of the family, um, and that's who I want to be, and that's that's in my core values of having a family and being a father and not having that.

SPEAKER_03 38:10

Do the kids rely on you now? Do they have you noticed a difference from the children?

SPEAKER_00 38:14

Oh, 100%. I was very oblivious to the fact that I thought their children, they're young, they don't understand, they don't know, but they do understand and they do know. Um, and the change in them um has been um just uh an amazing time in my life to where my children wouldn't come to me. They didn't want to speak to me, they didn't want me to do things with them because you know I would you know turn up late for picking them up from school, I would have outbursts of anger, I wouldn't listen to them, I would hear them, but I wouldn't actually listen. And just a couple of weeks ago, my son said, I've got this performance at school. Um can you come and watch? I said, Yeah, absolutely. And for him to say that, that he actually wants me to come, and then in turn that I actually wanted to go was something I was just so happy with.

SPEAKER_03 39:15

Um and by then he actually probably you know wasn't worrying thinking, well, dad's not gonna turn up, actually thinking dad is gonna come.

SPEAKER_00 39:23

Yeah, and to see the excitement um in his face that hey dad's gonna be there, um it was just fantastic, and that was sort of a a light bulb moment where I put myself in my son's place and looking towards my dad and what would have been the outcome of it, and I know what the outcome would have would have been, he wouldn't have turned up. So me turning up knows that he can rely on me now, he can trust me again because um we lost that trust. My whole family lost that trust in me. So I take everything that positive that's come out of the last hundred days and use that for to encourage me that today's gonna be okay and tomorrow's gonna be better.

SPEAKER_03 40:17

Before we finish, uh Richard, is there anything that you'd like to say to our listeners at all that might encourage them, or you know, even anything that might be about the misconceptions around alcohol addiction?

SPEAKER_00 40:33

Like we said, if you're thinking that you've got a problem with alcohol, you do.

SPEAKER_03 40:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:40

And have the determination and courage to actually ask for help. Because asking for help isn't weak. Asking for help shows that you are courageous and that you want to get better. And like I said, walking through that door 12 odd weeks ago with so much fear and doubt that I nearly didn't come, um, was the turning point of my life. And all I can say is just take that step. You know, it seems like a long road, and it is, and it's gonna be hard, it's gonna be tough, you know. There's gonna be times where you're gonna be, oh, I can't do this. But if you do take that step, your life will change for the better. And you don't need alcohol, you don't need it to have fun, to enjoy life, to actually be genuinely happy and enjoy the small things and be grateful that you're here and alive and you have whatever it is in your life. Um, because you you you will throw it it will end up um you will throw it away if you keep drinking. Um and I'm forever grateful that I did take that step and um I really thank you for creating this space, it's been amazing.

SPEAKER_03 42:09

Thank you. Well, thank you so much for joining us today, Richard. It's um lovely to talk to you. So thank you, listeners, and we will um catch you again um with another guest next week. Have a good week, bye bye.