The Freedom Room Podcast | The Twelve Steps: Step Three

Rachel talks about Step 3 today. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Welcome to the Freedom Room podcast. This is episode 13. Today is just me, Rachel Akers, the CEO and founder of the Freedom Room. My baby, my pride, my my everything. This is. So very proud of Camilla. She's going to put us on the map, she is, God bless her. But she'll be back soon and then we can get back to normal podcasts with the two of us because they will be much more entertaining. So our last podcast was about step two. So I'm going to talk to you today about step three. So step three of the programme of recovery is we made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him. So in step two, we agree that we believe, or are at least willing to believe, in a power greater than ourselves. And in step three, we decide to pass the steering wheel over to that higher power. Let him take control of our lives for a while, let him drive the bus. Because when I was making all the decisions in my life, I got drunk all the time, I got into arguments, drama, put myself into harm's way. Now a no to um every world practical-minded beginner in recovery, this step looks absolutely impossible, somewhat unbelievable, and and I for one was totally unconvinced, you know. Um but I thought about the thousands before me who had taken this step and stayed sober, and they were happy. Um, and and I knew I wanted what they had. Um, and to get what they have, I have to do what they did. You know, the same as what people when people say to me, you know, Rachel, what do I have to do? I want what you've got. Well, if you want what I've got, darling, you have to do what I did. It's as simple as that. You know, you don't get this by just doing some of it. Um I was willing to go to absolutely any length to get what they had, and uh, and after all, step three is only a decision, you know. Um, and after you know, what have I got to lose? It's a decision. I knew every time I tried to stay sober I'd failed each time, so why not? A we make decisions all the time, every day, you know. So um deciding to turn my will over to a higher power um was just a bit like putting on a new pair of glasses and just seeing things differently. That was a good way of looking at it for me. Um, and like I said, it is just a decision, and I remember um when I was doing book study, actually, it was um with my beautiful Laura, and she said to me, and I I catch everyone out with this one, um she said to me, If you've got three frogs on a lily pad, and three of them decide to jump in in the lake, how many frogs have you then got on the lily pad? And of course I said no, as everybody does as well. Um, and the answer's still three, they only made the decision, and that's what step three is, it's just a decision, you're not doing anything yet, you're making a decision. So, what have you got to lose? Um, so when we're drinking, we become really selfish, we're very self-centered, um, and it's all about us, um, and we're just driven by fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, self-pity, me, me, me, me, me, you know. Um, and as alcoholics, we have to get rid of that selfishness, and we have to start and think about other people. And the more we become willing to depend upon a higher power, the more independent we actually become. An Eastern view of turning our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him is also to take refuge, and refuge can mean protection, so it's actually like getting somebody to protect us, which is exactly how I feel about my higher power, that's for sure. And taking refuge is active, you're actually doing something. So we decided to let go of the delusions of us actually controlling it, and instead, we turn towards the spiritual path of transformation, and that is beautiful, you know. Um, recovery is a spiritual process, um, and step three when the doors of step three are opened, I find that um I got hope, I got faith, and I got trust, um, you know, and I was able to take a real deep breath and feel the serenity, um, which is a great, great blessing of sobriety. So, the essence of step three, really, of turning your will over is getting out of the way and being restored to reality, honesty, balance, and peace of mind. I could don't think you could ask for anything more than that, really. Do you? I don't, um, but another good thing to um think to yourself really is I can't, God can, you know, because that's the biggest thing. Just think to yourself how many times you try to unfuck yourself. Um a lot. Well, I know I did a lot. I tried everything and nothing worked. Um, and that is very difficult when you grow up with parents and you know, lots of people around you going, nobody else can do this for you, my girl, you've got to do it for yourself, and then you come into recovery, and the first thing you get told is you can't do this yourself, you've got to hand it over and get somebody else to do it for you. Make your fucking mind up. Um, but it's proven, it is proven in the rooms of recovery that handing this over to a higher power, you know, um, really, really works. And like I say, step three is only decision anyway, so we're not actually doing anything. For me, gift of desperation, that was my god, G-O-D gift of desperation. That's what I got when I fell to my knees on the morning back in March in 2012. Well, actually, the afternoon, um, just after I had gone for Jay with a bottle, um, and I fell to my knees, um, and I knew then that I needed um to get help. I knew that I was either gonna kill myself or get well, and thank Christ I did the other, but you know, that was um through through God, that was through a higher power, that was through somebody else knowing what was meant to happen. Um, I didn't choose what rehab I went to, but it was a 12-step one. It was all about higher power and doing the 12 steps, it was all about don't even try and control yourself. Um, this is all down to a higher power, you know. And when we say that we're gonna hand it over to a higher power, don't forget we do still play a part. Don't we're not just going, okay, I'm not responsible anymore, because we are still responsible, but we're responsible for doing this stuff. That's what we're responsible for, for doing the program. And when we do the program, that is how we hand it over by partly doing our program. It's all very sounds very, very complicated, doesn't it? Um and I I did um my uh my Facebook post today was um keeping it simple because um you know, as alcoholics we're very, very complicated people, um, and uh that's exactly what I'm I'm doing here. I'm making it more complicated than it needs to be. Um so I am going to read the step three prayer for you so that you know what that is. Um God, I offer myself to thee to build with me and to do with me as thy will. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of thy power, thy love, and thy way of life. May I do thy will always. Just let it go, mate. Just let it go. And just to break that prayer down, you know, um God I offer myself to thee, God I'm offering myself to you, for you to build with me and to do with me as I will, to do with me what you you feel is necessary, do with me what is needed, relieve me of the bondage of self, get me off myself, because I can be a selfish prick. Um, that I may better do thy will, that I may better do your will for you, you know. Take away my difficulties, take away any struggles that stand in the way of helping those that I would help of thy power, thy love, and your way of life. You know, may I do your will always? Um, and that is what that is broken down, and you know, that is all about just being a better person, doing things in a way, um, doing the next right thing, I guess, um, is the best way of putting it. Um, the other thing that I do just want to um talk about very, very quickly is that um Camilla was also going through at the same time um the um Russell Brand's steps too. So step three from Russell Brand is are you on your own going to unfuck yourself? So um questions to ask yourself one, am I feeling unsatisfied, limited, empty or anxious in my relationships? Question two, do my feelings lead me to make or not make decisions, take or not take action, or say or not say things and then I regret it. Question three, am I suffering from misery, depression, unhappiness or low self-worth? Number four, am I suffering from anxiety, doubt or perfectionism? Am I projecting imaginary future scenarios, then worrying about them? Oh gosh, can I relate to that? Question five, is it becoming clear to me that my plan is not working? Question six, is it clear that I need a new plan and is not sourced from my own head and drives if I am to find fulfillment? Question seven, this plan of mine is like a mind virus of self-obsession. Can I surrender it? Am I open to a different plan? Am I open to being guided? There we go. Are we open to being guided? There's something very beautiful about being guided, you know, and this is what a higher power does, it guides us, it guides us through life, and that's another word there that you can use for a higher power. You know, it can be a guide, be one of your guides, it could just be anything that you want it to be, you know. Um he also lists um the things that we talk about in step four, but I will just put that these out there. You know, um, when something's not working, it's usually because of a certain category of stuff, and these are um usually what they are, these are usually the root of the pain and the problem and the discomfort that you might feel. So one is pride, two is self-esteem, three personal relations, four sexual relations, five ambition, six security, and seven finances. Um, whenever we're being made to feel uncomfortable, you can guarantee it's something to do with one of those seven things that I've just listed. Um, I love Russell Brand. I listen to Russell Brand all the time. I used to hate him, now I love him. Interesting fact. Okay, listen, I feel really weird doing this by myself. I miss my Camilla Bear, and um I'm very hopeful that she will be back next week um to do another podcast with us. Um but for for now um I will say goodbye and I will speak to you all next week. Take care, God bless, much love to everyone.