The Freedom Room Podcast | The Twelve Steps: Step One

Talking about the 12 Steps - Starting with Step 1 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Hi everyone and welcome to the Freedom Room Podcast. We're on episode 11 today, and we are starting a new series that we're doing, which is talking about the 12 steps. So each week we're going to go through those steps and talk about in detail, you know, what they're all about and what they mean to us as well. So it's really a good way for us to give you guys an insight into what those 12 steps are all about. So hi from Camilla and Hi from Rachel. So let's jump straight in. So when we're talking about the 12 steps, we're talking about the 12 steps that has been created by Alcoholics Anonymous. And those 12 steps you will see in the banners around the rooms, you know, you'll hear people talk about those 12 steps. And one of the biggest things we say is that the 12 steps is what keeps us sober. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

Yeah, 100%. You know, for me personally, um I went to rehab, which got me sober, but the 12 steps keep me sober.

SPEAKER_00 1:13

That's right. And it's a way that you can build those steps into your life when you you're, you know, have that continued sobriety. So today we're going to talk about step one, which is that we admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable. Um, so a lot of the time we break this step down into two parts. So the first part being that we admitted we were powerless over alcohol, and the second part that our lives had become unmanageable. So, Rach, do you want to talk about what that step means to you and what your understanding of it is? Sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

So for me, um I knew that I was powerless over alcohol. I didn't have a problem admitting that I was powerless over alcohol. Um that that was a given, you know. Um what I struggled was is, you know, to to say that my life had become unmanageable, which, you know, for me at the time, I didn't think my life was unmanageable at all. You know, I I was I was a functioning alcoholic as I, you know, very often would refer to myself as. And um, you know, looking back now, I realized that um I was anything but functioning, you know. Um I I couldn't do anything without alcohol, you know. Um in my head, you know, it was like my children went to school, they always had um food on the table, you know. Um the reality of that was, you know, yes, I would go to work. Well, I I actually worked for myself, you know, but I never got past um lunchtime before I had a drink. Um the reality of the girls going to school every day, well, that wasn't true either, you know, because there were times when if I messed up, I would keep them off school, you know. Um, that my girls ate every day. Yeah, the girls ate every day, but you know, that was probably Domino's pizza every single day, you know. So um was I functioning? No. Um, did I have to go and get alcohol on the way to work and on the way to school? Yes. You know, there was nothing normal and manageable about my life, but I didn't see that at that time, you know. Um, it had to be pointed out to me that life was unmanageable. Now, the the workbooks here that um we we have here at the Freedom Room that we've produced for step one, you know, this is a really big it's the biggest workbook out of um all 12, you know. Um, because admitting that we are powerless over alcohol, if we don't get step one, we will not continue to stay sober, you know. We have to get step one. Um, and so that is why it is the biggest step um in terms of workbooks, you know, and we have to be honest. So step one is about getting honest, getting honest with ourselves over our drinking career, looking back at our drinking career, looking back at all the people we have heard, looking back at the times that we um didn't turn up for you know certain events or didn't go to work and rang in sick because we were hungover, you know, um let people down, all of those things that we did over our whole life, not just you know, we tend to just oh, the last three months of our drinking, you know, it's not we have to look over all of our um drinking career to see how actually how long our lives had actually been unmanageable for, and that's a massive eye-opener for for most people because you know, so many people can come in here to the freedom room and it and I'll say to them, So how long have you been drinking, you know, like this? Um, and it will be oh, probably in the last you know, two or three years, and then they'll come back another week and they'll go, Oh, you know, I've been thinking about it, and actually it's probably been five years, and then the week after they'll come back and they'll be like, Oh, maybe 10 years I've been drinking like this, because you just don't actually realize um how long it has been going on for. Um, and by doing um this step, you know, we we recognized how long our drinking was out of control for. Um, and like I say, it's very difficult to get somebody so somebody who has lost their job, their partner has kicked them out, you know, had their children taken off of them, those kind of things, it's easy for somebody to go, fuck me, yeah, my life is unmanageable, everything's gone, I've lost everything. But for for like myself, you know, still having the car on the drive, you know, still having a house, the mortgage, the job, the children, you know, still going away on holidays, you know, from the outside looking in, everybody think looking normal, trying to explain to people that you know, well, you life's a fucked up mess, mate, is a lot harder. And without being honest, really honest, looking back at our drinking career, that is when they can get to that ha ha moment and go, shit, actually, my drinking really was out of control for a lot longer. Um, so I don't know how how did you find step one?

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Well, I guess, you know, again, I'll say this, and I say this a lot. The good thing about you and me is that we've had similar but opposite experiences because for me at the end of my drinking, I my husband had left me, my child had been taken off me, I'd lost my job, my family wasn't talking to me, I'd lost everything. I was on my knees, and I knew that I was powerless over alcohol, and my life was completely unmanageable. So for me, step one was a no-brainer, and it was it was just very clear and apparent to me that that was the case. So um, I guess I was almost lucky in a way. You know, it's weird to say that, but it's true. Like I was lucky in a way because I just knew my whole life was completely, you know, all about alcohol and it was just controlled by alcohol. Um, so step one was pretty easy. Um, but I do know from being in the rooms um for you know three and a half years that you can tell when people haven't got step one that it's really difficult because until we know that alcohol has power over us and that there is nothing that that is more important in our life than alcohol, then we can't really move through those other steps. Um, and until and and you see people coming back again to step one to step one, and until you kind of surrender, I guess, in that to step one, then you know, that's then your sobriety can truly begin. Um, and that's that's the way I see it. But you know, I I think it's really important to really read the words of these steps, and I think when you read it, admitting that we were powerless over alcohol, for me that says that alcohol stopped being a luxury and became a necessity. Absolutely that alcohol had power, so it dictated everything that I did. It didn't the love I had for my child wasn't powerful enough, the love I had for my husband wasn't powerful enough, the love I had for my family wasn't powerful enough because alcohol had that power over all of those beautiful things in my life, yeah, and that's not because I'm a shitty person, that's because I have a disease, and that's because you know we're people that are unwell, and admitting that is really hard. And that's why step one is quite hard.

SPEAKER_01 8:44

Oh, absolutely is it is it is the the the biggest one. And if you like you say, if you don't get it right, then um you know you're not gonna get this, and and then you will find that you will pick up and you're back at step one again, you know. Um you can't a lot of us think, well, I've rocked it up to to a meeting, I've rocked up to AA. Well, of course I'll you know my life's a fucking mess, you know, but that's not enough. It's really understanding that you know you are powerless over alcohol and and not just in that moment or that last rock bottom, you know, we are powerless over alcohol even today, and and that's the other thing, you know, that you know, no matter how sober you get, you are still powerless over alcohol. That's it, but also as well, letting people know we're powerless over alcohol, but we're not powerless over our life, you know. We are powerless over people, places, and things, but we are not powerless over our life, you know, we still can have a wonderful life moving forward. Um, and and and Starler made some really great changes, makes some really great decisions and some really great choices.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

That's it. And and and it does mean that we have choice and we have power, you know, to walk into AA rooms, we have the power to walk into the freedom room, we have power to make changes in our life that we know we need to make. Um, and that's really uh refreshing, and and thank God we have that power to make those choices. Oh, absolutely. And I think also the important thing, you know, like you were talking about is what does, you know, defining what unmanageable unmanageable means for you because it looks different for everybody.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

Exactly, absolutely 100%. It looks different. What's unmanageable for me may not be unmanageable for you. Yeah, absolutely. You know, unmanageability is different for everybody, absolutely everybody. Nobody can tell you what your unmanageable life looks like, no more than they can tell me what mine looks like, you know, but we will know what that is when we are not functioning to, you know, to our best of our ability, and we look honestly over our life, that's when we get to see what unmanageable looks like.

SPEAKER_00 10:51

And I think a good way to um to think about it is am I doing life the best I possibly can? Am I being the best mum I possibly can, the best wife, the best employee? And I could honestly answer that when I was drinking, absolutely not. I was not doing my life the best I could.

SPEAKER_01 11:11

Well, you know what? We could actually bring that down even further and just say, you know, was I being the best human being that I could be? Definitely not.

SPEAKER_00 11:19

No, not when I was drinking. No, yeah. And I think um, you know, about these steps, you know, they were created in 1935. You know, they've been around for a really long time. And the important thing for us to talk about is that what the Freedom Room does is we run a 12-step facilitation program. Absolutely. We are not affiliated with AA by any stretch. And when we talk about AA, we talk about it from our personal experiences. Um, and we also know that you know, these steps, like I said, were created in 1935, but they still work today. You know, why what we see these as such important steps for people that want continued sobriety, and that's the key that you know, we go to rehab to get sober, and we go and we run a 12-step facilitation program to stay sober.

SPEAKER_01 12:13

Absolutely right.

SPEAKER_00 12:13

Yeah, so there is a difference in there that we we base what we do off these steps.

SPEAKER_01 12:18

And here at AA, you know, we um here at the Freedom Room, we we do suggest and recommend and encourage people to go to AA, you know. Um, however, not everybody wants to go to AA, or some people don't feel that AA is right for them. But these steps which come from AA is what will help keep them sober, and that is why we introduce them to the 12 steps to let them know what is going to help them and what is gonna keep them, you know, to keep them sober. And then also, you know, when we do the workbooks and we talk and we do group sessions and we talk about the um the 12 steps, you know. Uh Camilla and I, we are not your sponsors, we are not people sponsors, we sponsor people in AA. We do not sponsor people in the freedom room. In the freedom room, you know, we have qualifications, we are qualified recovery coaches. That's what we do here, you know. Um, there are a lot of people who get that mixed up, and you know, and it's a good place to to clarify that, you know, definitely. Um in in the freedom room, we are qualified to do what we do here, you know, um, and we only sponsor people through AA, which is completely, completely separate.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

Yeah. Um, a really nice, well, a fun way of looking at these steps is like, yes, they these 12 steps traditionally were created such a long time ago. But if you guys are familiar with Russell Brand, he has put a really great modern and cheeky spin on all of this. So when he's talking about step one, admitting we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable, his step one is, are you a bit fucked? Yep, exactly. And that is a really simple way of saying step one, are you a bit fucked? And if you can answer yes, then you've answered yes to step one. There you go. Um, and maybe when we're going through these 12 steps, we'll talk about the traditional side of things and we can also talk about the other side. Whereas, you know, step two traditionally is came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Whereas Russell Brand says, could you not be fucked? You know, and excuse the language, you know, maybe we should do a language warning before we start our podcast. I think they're used to that with me in my party, man. I think so too. But look, you know, it is a really nice to have a fresh perspective and a modern perspective on it. Um, and you know, recovery is, you know, we we're in it for life, you know, that's the thing about recovery. It's not a quick fix, you don't just do it and then you you know you're finished. And a lot of people think that once I've done my 12 steps, then I'm done. Yeah. That's what I thought. Yeah, me too. That's what I hoped. Yeah, yeah. But really, these steps um, you'll find that as your sobriety, you know, continues and goes on, that you actually end up living these steps, and they are part of every single day.

SPEAKER_01 15:15

It's a lifestyle choice, it's a lifetime lifestyle change. Um, and you know, these these um 12 steps are like 12 instructions on how to live your life.

SPEAKER_00 15:25

That's right. And you know, just before we jumped onto this podcast, we were saying, you know, weirdly, um, but really rightly, we feel grateful to be alcoholics because we have this to live by. Yeah, you know, um, not a lot of people have an opportunity to pull their life apart and put it back together in a way that they really they really love, and that gives them a beautiful, rich, and meaningful life.

SPEAKER_01 15:49

And that's what we generally get reborn when when we um get sober um and we start and walk the uh the walk of recovery, we get reborn. Um, and when we're reborn, it means that we can be who we were born to be.

SPEAKER_00 16:04

Yeah, that's it. And you know, when uh this was such it sounds really daft, but it only dawned on me maybe a couple of weeks ago when you talk about recovery. You know, you are recovering from something. So we're learning how to do all of these normal human things again from the beginning. Um, and so we're we're having this rehabilitation of ourselves um and learning to do these things again is is really difficult. And that's why having these steps is so helpful because we get to actually know how to do it.

SPEAKER_01 16:39

And and when I, you know, when I don't put these 12 steps into my life in all concepts, that's when my life becomes unmanageable again, you know, because things just get crazy, you know. I have I have a process of what I have to do every day, you know, from the minute I wake up to the minute that I go to sleep, I have a process that I have to do to keep me grounded and to keep me, you know, um feeling the serenity that I feel. And you know, if I don't do that, my life then very much and very quickly becomes unmanageable again. I may not pick up a drink straight away, but eventually I would. But I definitely my life becomes unmanageable, you know. And manageability for me is in our home when I'm just screaming at everybody, you know. Yeah, um, so I uh yeah, I I I absolutely live my own life personally by these 12 steps, um, and I have done ever since you know I was um shown to do them. And and the one thing that I will say when I went to treatment, so um I was lucky enough to go to a 12-step treatment centre too, and you know, and I got introduced to the steps um at the treatment center, and initially, you know, I had no idea what what they were talking about or what they were doing, it was never really explained so much. I remember we got given these workbooks to do in our own time, and I remember just saying to like the housemates, you know, that I have got no idea what this is. And I remember like my um step one initially when I first started doing it in in treatment, you know, the the lads would just help me fill it in because I didn't I had no idea what I was doing, you know. Thank goodness I got to do it again. Yeah, yeah. Um, so it is very good to make sure you have a real understanding of, you know, because if we don't have an understanding, um, it's not gonna work.

SPEAKER_00 18:33

That's right. And look, if you do want to read in more detail about the 12-step facilitation side of things, head to our website. Um, and then if you also want to read more about the Alcoholics Anonymous 12-steps, you know, head to their website as well and really read up on it and and you know, knowledge is power. So the the more you know, um, the easier it's gonna be as well to work through them. Um, but look, we really appreciate you guys being uh here with us today for episode 11. Rach, do you have anything else that you want to add? No, not at all.

SPEAKER_01 19:06

No. Um, I'm just very grateful, uh as you said, you know, very grateful that um we we get to live this life that we get to lead. Um and and I'm just so grateful for everybody that you know I get to share this stuff with.

SPEAKER_00 19:20

Yeah, absolutely. Um, and just know that if you have uh answered yes to step one, you're not alone. There are people out there to help, you know, where we're those people as well. So reach out if you're struggling, um, and we'll be there for you. Um, anyway, we wish you well, guys, and we'll catch you on the next episode. Thanks a lot. See ya. Bye.