The Freedom Room Podcast | Rachel & Camilla’s Rehab Experience

We are talking about our experience with rehab. A compassionate and real take on getting and staying sober.Join Rachel and Camilla on their journey, how they got sober and how they stay sober - and so much more. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

And welcome to our third episode of the Freedom Room podcast. This is our first podcast that we're doing that we're not sitting next to each other. So we're doing it remotely because we're all in lockdown. So how are you going, Rach, with lockdown at the moment?

SPEAKER_01 0:25

Okay, not too bad. The hardest struggle, really, for me, is the um the homeschooling. Yeah, definitely finding that very difficult. Way more than um, I mean, we really struggled last year with it anyway. Um, it's been better this time, but um just not putting as much pressure on either myself or Harry. Harry, what why did I call him Harry? Oh my. Um, Harry Bobble. Um, yeah, not put in as much pressure on him or me.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

Yeah, and it and it's very easily that you can put that pressure on, right? Like they give you all these tasks that you've got to complete. And even with my Harry being in pre-prep, there's like 13 things that he's got to do every day. Um it's chaos, isn't it? It is. But I think today um we were going to talk about rehabs and you know what has our experience been with them and you know what what we sort of um suggest to people to do. So do you want to kick us off, Rach, and talk about your experience with rehab?

SPEAKER_01 1:35

Yeah, definitely. So um way back in March 2012, um I went into rehab um after my um after my final drink um and I hit my rock bottom. Um so for me rehab was um the making of my recovery. It was definitely the foundation of my recovery. Um I didn't know where I was gonna go, I didn't know the rehab that I was gonna go to. There was no plan, I did no research. I literally on that that day um after I'd smashed the bottle and went for Jay with it, and um and I dropped to my knees and I knew I knew that I had to do something. It was oh yeah, I was either gonna take my own life or I was gonna get well, and thank God I went for the latter one. But um I spoke to um a friend of mine and just said, look, you know, I need you to get me into rehab today. So her only instruction was whoever can come today, that's where I'm gonna go. So that's how I chose the um the rehab that I went to. Now, thankfully, um it was a 12-step based rehab, um, but I didn't choose it for that. Like I say, it was whoever could come, um, and she called around quite a few on all accounts. So um obviously my higher power was working even back then. Um, so um oh my my um memories and experience on rehab, honestly, I can tell you it was a really great time for me, you know. Um when I first got there, I was scared to death. You know, I got picked up um about seven o'clock at night. I was very, very drunk by the time they picked me up. Um, I sat there with a bottle of vodka and um, you know, and I wasn't gonna go anywhere until I finished my bottle of vodka. And they were very good, you know. They actually sat with me and stayed until I finished my vodka. And he turned around to me and said, you know, take as long as you need, mate, you know, because you it's the last drink you're ever gonna have. And and it bloody has been, you know. I mean, I can't talk forever, but it certainly has been up till today. It was the last drink I've ever had. Um so then I remember getting into this big black minibus um and driving out to Bedford, which obviously back in the UK, um, and um I got myself a nickname. Um, are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? That's all I said apparently on the way over. Um, like I say, I was very, very drunk. Um, don't remember too much about the first night that I got there. Um apparently um I was medicated, but I couldn't have the first lot of medication until about um two o'clock in the morning. They had to keep me up because um I was too drunk. I had too much alcohol in me for them to be able to give me um medication straight away. So I had some about two o'clock in the morning. I had a doctor's visit. Um and uh yeah, and um there I was my first night of um rehab. Um absolutely petrified. I was absolutely petrified. There'd been no real thought about it or anything, I just knew that it's what I needed. You know, I tried at that point, I tried everything to get sober beforehand, you know, and nothing worked, nothing, nothing, nothing worked. Um, so I knew it was what I needed. Um, it was very expensive. I was also at that point worrying about how I was actually going to pay for it. Um, and I was getting all sorts of things in place while I was there, and and I remember waking up in the middle of the night, um they um they told me that I couldn't see my children um for about three weeks, two weeks anyway, um, and that was it. Nobody was going to tell me that I couldn't see my children, so I tried to escape, I tried to climb over walls, I tried to climb over gates, you know, to be told the next day that actually the gate wasn't even locked, you know, it wasn't being held against my will or anything, you know. I'd chosen to go there. Um, yeah, I got up in the middle of the night, didn't know where I was in this big house, you know, that that that feeling when you're all you're drunk and you're still you don't know where you are, you don't know your bearings, and um so I went back to what I thought was my room to find somebody else in the double bed. It wasn't my room at all, it was somebody else's room, you know, it was just chaos on on that first night. And then um I got up the next morning and boy oh boy, did reality hit home. You know, I was in a house with a load of strangers. Um, and we weren't that was on the Saturday, we wasn't actually going to start any um actual work, any of the rehaby stuff until Monday. Um, and I just kept thinking to myself, what the hell have I done? What the hell have I done? Why the hell am I here? Um and yeah, um I cried a lot. I was lost. Um, we had our mobile phones taken off us. We wasn't, we just, yeah, there was no contact with the outside world. It was just, it was so horrible at that point. Um, but the people there were lovely. Everybody made me feel really, really at home. Everybody made me feel loved and cared for, and you know, you're not alone. And you know, people talked about their stories where I just sat and cried a lot. Um, and then Monday came around, you know, to when um we were due to start actually doing the the work on ourselves, and you know, um the four weeks that I was there, that was the beginning on that Monday, and I walked into the um into the first um room for us to have our group session, and up on the walls were the 12 steps, and obviously I could see God was written everywhere, and I just thought, well, I'll be honest, what I thought, I thought, fuck me, I've paid all this money, and all they're giving me is God, shit me. You know, I was ready to ask for a refund. I thought I was in the wrong place, like, oh god, yeah, God. Um, so from that moment on though, what I did know was A, yes, I paid a lot of money, so it had to work. B, it was my last hope, so it had to work. C, there was, you know, I hadn't, this wasn't just A, B, and C. This was I was at the end, I was on Z. There wasn't, there was no other way, you know. This was my last hope. Um, and this is what had to work for me. So from that point on, I gave it my all. You know, if they said jump, I said how high. It didn't matter what they asked me to do, I put my whole trust in them people. I put my everything into it. Whatever they told me to do, I did because I had to, because there was nowhere else to go. There was no other way to turn, you know. Um, I was at that point that, like I say, if it hadn't have worked, I'd have taken my own life. Um, they introduced me, or should I say, they reintroduced me to AA. I went to um my first AA meeting um on the Saturday, actually, that we were there. So I was there on the Friday, on the Saturday, because they took you to an AA meeting every single day, and it wasn't a choice. You had to go. If you said that you wasn't going to go to that meeting, then you were gonna get kicked out. If you didn't do what they told you you had to do, you were gonna get kicked out, you know. Um, and I went to my first AA meeting, and I remember listening to a guy, um, he was Irish, and it was, you know, almost like one of my family members or somebody had told him my story because he absolutely just shared pretty much my story. And it wasn't my first experience with an AA meeting, I'd been before, um, but this time obviously I was ready to listen, I was ready to hear what they'd got to say, and and I was open to learn what they were what they were saying in these meetings, and and yeah, so it was another way of getting me back into AA, you know, for me, um learning that AA had to be a part of my life after leaving rehab, you know, um, because obviously when I went into rehab and I spent all that money in my head was, well, I've spent all this money, I'm going into rehab, I'm doing four weeks here solid. Um, when I come out, everything's gonna be okay and everything's gonna be fine and life will carry on like normal. Um, but obviously when I did come out and realised that that wasn't the case, you know. Um when I was in rehab, they absolutely said, when you leave here, you go to a meeting straight away. When you leave here, you do 90 meetings in 90 days. When you leave here, you get a sponsor, you do the steps, you know, all of those things. Um, and and quite honestly, I didn't listen to that straight away. Um, I did stay sober the whole time, as you know, since I left, um since I went into rehab, but um I didn't do AA straight away. Um, not as many as I should, that's for sure. Didn't get a sponsor and I and I didn't do the steps. Um, that's a whole new different podcast, you know. Um I would recommend anybody who is struggling absolutely um go to rehab or detox at least. Um, you know, I would not have been able to have put the drink down. You know, I say this a lot, you know, rehab got me sober, AA kept me sober, you know, that that and and I needed the two together. There's no way that um I could have just stopped drinking with just AA, you know. Um I know many times I I joked when I went into AA, you know, and I would hear people go, Oh no, I've never done rehab, I've just been coming here, and I used and I thought, oh yeah, I've got to save myself thousands, you know, but there was no way that it was gonna be enough. I definitely needed that. I needed to look at myself, I needed to work on myself, but I needed time away. The other downfall I will say about going to rehab though, you're taken away from the rest of the world. You're kind of um, you know, you're institutionalised. I remember coming home and my mum said to me, Do you want a cup of tea? And I burst into tears and I'm like, I don't know if I want a cup of tea. I hadn't had to think for myself for four weeks. I didn't know what I wanted, you know. I I had I had a timetable of where I had to be, what I had to do, and everything for four weeks, you know, um, and I didn't have to think for myself. But the other thing is I didn't have to think too much about picking up a drink either because I was I was safe. I was in a you know, I wasn't in the real world almost, you know. If we went anywhere, we were taken. There was, you know, the the people from the rehab were there, they were always watching us. There was no way of sneaking out and getting a drink, even if I wanted to, you know. So it was very safe. And then you come out to the real world and it smacks you like a fishtail straight in the face, you know, it's like the biggest gust of wind, you know, it's like shit me. I've got to do this on my own now. Um, but you know, for me, I absolutely um like I say I owe everything to those wonderful people um at Haynes back in the UK. Um they they definitely, you know, and they didn't take any of my crap either, you know. Um yeah, but they they they took me for who I mean they they love me, they were all very, very nice, they were lovely people, but if I was trying to bullshit, um, you know. And of course the other thing of rehab that I have to point out, you know, is I also found out that I was pregnant with Harry Bobble in rehab, you know, um two weeks in, and I uh yeah, found out that I was pregnant. Um, so again, you know, my higher power put me in there for a reason, you know. If I'd have found out beforehand, would I have stopped drinking because I was pregnant? Hell no. Sorry, that sounds awful, but I couldn't stop drinking for the two kids that I could see. Sure as hell wouldn't have stopped for the one that I couldn't, you know. So that's my experience with rehab. Like I say, it's just I I absolutely rate it, and I'm still in touch with some of the people today. Um, you know, I've got a really, really strong bond with um one of the guys. In fact, I actually sponsor now one of the guys that I was in rehab with. Um, yeah, so um it was a wonderful experience, and I would recommend it to anybody if they can do it, do it because it really is. It's that boost that you need, you know, that will give you. And also if if you are drinking a lot, to just stop and not be medicated is so dangerous, so absolutely freaking dangerous, you know. Um, although it was quite hilarious with me, you know. I was um I was detoxed on lithium, and Jesus Christ, I would fall over all over the place. I remember putting my jeans on one day, standing up, putting my jeans on, standing on one leg, putting the other leg in, and just falling forward, and I went straight on the floor, you know. And I remember saying, Crikey, I was better on vodka, yeah. Um, but yeah, um, highly recommend rehab if anybody is struggling that bad and they feel that they need to do it, um, do it. But don't waste your money, get into a good rehab, make sure it's a 12-step rehab, but also make sure you do AA or another 12-step or another recovery meeting of some kind afterwards, you know, um, because this isn't an overnight fix. You know, I honestly thought four weeks in rehab and I'll be fine. Happy days, boom, boom, boom, let's carry on with the rest of your life. You know, not by any stretch did I still think 10 years on I would still be having to work my program every day. Um, so yeah, that's me. That's me and my rehab. What about you, Camilla?

SPEAKER_00 15:24

Well, I think this is a probably a really good point to talk about a question that gets asked a lot. Can I just stop drinking at home? Um, what's the safest thing to do? And I think the number one piece of advice that um I think Rach, you know, we would give the same advice is see your GP, get seek professional medical help before you make any decisions about this kind of stuff. Like Rach said, it is really dangerous if you are drinking a lot of alcohol, it's very dangerous to just stop drinking. You can have seizures, you know, there's a whole range of, you know, very severe side effects that can happen. So we really, really strongly advise you to seek professional medical advice before you make any decisions.

SPEAKER_01 16:16

Absolutely. But the other thing as well, on the flip of that, what we also have to be very mindful of is that you know you can um you can detox perfectly fine at home, medicated. Most doctors can give you medication, but make sure you've got somebody at home with you to administer that medication because at the end of the day, we are all alcoholics or addicts, and the doctor will give you a shed load of Valium or something similar, um, which is the most dangerous thing to give an alkie or an addict. You know, make sure that you don't, and if anybody's listening who is like a family member of somebody who's wanting to do this, do not allow them to do it by themselves. Make sure you keep hold of those tablets and you go there every day and you administer those tablets, don't let them have them all because they will take them.

SPEAKER_00 17:10

Exactly. You and I both know we will well, you know, for those of people that are listening as well. My my part of my story is that I was dual diagnosis. So, and you, you know, you start to hear that a lot in the recovery space. So I had an issue with prescription um opiates and and depressants as well. So, you know, that that was a recipe for disaster. If someone had given that to me, I would have, you know, I don't even want to think about what would have happened. Um, but look, you know, my experience with with rehab was incredibly positive. Um, the first time I went to rehab was in Brisbane, a place called Damascus, which is a private um rehabilitation center. It was really nice, you know, it was um the staff were beautiful, my psychiatrist was amazing, very tough, and I still see him to this day. But my experience was, you know, I didn't want to go. It was the last place I thought I needed to be, but very quickly I realized it was exactly where I needed to be. If I had my time again, I would have gone for longer. Um, I would have spent um more time focusing on what they were teaching me, which was all about my brain, creating new healthy habits in my life, um, you know, all the CBT stuff that they taught me as well, um, and healthy eating, nutrition, which I stick to and sometimes I don't.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

Um was you there for, Camilla? You said you would do longer, how long?

SPEAKER_00 18:46

In the first instance, I was there for three weeks, and then the thing that I didn't do, and like, you know, similar to your story, Rach, you know, they said we want you to go to AA. I I went to one meeting in that first time that I was at rehab, and then I didn't go when I got out. So for me, that danger period was it was fine when I was in rehab, because like you said, it was safe. You were looked after, you were under lock and key, you had to sign in. If you went out for a cigarette, you had to blow in the bag or on when you came back in again. So there was no chance of relapse when you were safely locked up. And essentially that's what you were, and that's what we've asked them to do. But when you leave, it's just this whole new set of challenges that we've never faced before sober or without a crutch of some sort. So this is why if I had known about the freedom room when I got out of rehab, I would have done it 100% because I needed that support. I would have taken every support I was given. And my psychiatrist explained it to me like this that you need to have a safety net underneath you, and then a safety net under that safety net, and then a safety net under that safety net. And he said, that safety net can comprise of AA meetings or other 12-step programs that you go to 90 meetings in 90 days, get there every single day. Having a psychiatrist, having a psychologist, having a recovery coach, you know, you name it, you put that around you, and it's basically, I know it sounds like a bit of a bubble, but in that first bit of sobriety, you bloody need it. You know, you need to be looked after. Give yourself every chance that you can.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

And you're right, you need it 100%. But when you're in it, when you're first newly, freshly sober, you don't think for one minute you need all that stuff, do we? We think don't be daft. I'm not that bad. I'm not as bad as other people. That's right. We absolutely are, and we absolutely do need all of that out there.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

A bottle, and then it flicks off in your brain. And you know, when I still walk past a bottle um today, and I won't say the actual words because it's a little bit of a swear word, but I say, not today, you know, so and so, because I say, I'm not, I just won't give in to that demon today. And even when you're watching TV after when you get sober, everybody drinks, and that's also a trigger. Triggers are everywhere. And if we can somehow safeguard ourselves in that first danger, real danger period of six months, then we're giving ourselves a better chance to you know have longevity in our sobriety, I think.

SPEAKER_01 21:30

And I'm really um shocked that bottle's are open in lockdown. How in God's green earth can that be an essential service?

SPEAKER_00 21:38

Yeah, well, it's an essential service to have people become alcoholics. And I think that's we've seen a lot of that with COVID, haven't we? That you know the the being able to hide from your addiction or run away from it's a bit impossible. Just to finish on the rehab side of things, um, uh quite a few of my friends have gone to the same rehab. And I write them a little list of things to take. So what we might do after this episode is say, if you're about to go into rehab, these are all the things like I was freezing in there because you're in a hospital constantly. So I didn't take enough jumpers. So I always say, make sure you take lots of jumpers and a comfy pillow and you know, little things that can just make that stay a little bit more, a bit easier because it is a tough thing to go through. Um, it's lonely, even though there's other people in there, it's really lonely. Um, but you know, if we don't, if nothing changes, nothing changes. Someone wise always says that to me. And that's that's the first step in really changing our life. And, you know, I would be, if I have my time again, I'd be running in there because what they give you, they give you your life back. You know, those doctors and nurses, they they know what they're doing, they're professionals, and that's what we need when we get to that point that it's no longer a luxury, it's a necessity. That's that's a place for us, is is that help?

SPEAKER_01 23:07

And Damascus is a word that um we hear a lot on the recovery circuit, you know, it's one of those names that comes up quite a lot. Now, when I got sober back in the UK, the rehab that I went to um so was a private one, um, and it cost me$24,000 in in the equivalent of now Damascus, I believe, just so if anybody else um is struggling and and thinks that oh my goodness, there's no way I can afford to do that. Now, there's something with healthcare, I believe, over here that can help you.

SPEAKER_00 23:39

Yeah, so if you've got private healthcare, like I'm with BUPA, and that covered my stay. So that'll I think that covers one stay. Um so if you're going back multiple times and it starts to get a bit expensive. But if you if you do want to go to a private rehabilitation, your healthcare, your private healthcare will cover it. And if not, if you do if you don't have that sorted, then there are places like Munia, there are lots of other um detox and rehabilitation centres. And again, if you get in contact with us, we can walk you through the whole process and what you need to do with your healthcare, um, how admission works, and we can help you with that too. Because we're quite daunting.

SPEAKER_01 24:22

Yeah, um, I've already managed to get um one client into um to rehab um so we can actually take care of the um administration issues for them if they need us to. But we've also got here, you know, a whole um a whole list of um all of the different rehabs, the detoxes, the hospitals, the emergency ones. So if anybody is looking for any numbers at all or would like any um idea on which ones are more recommended than others, then please, yeah, absolutely get in touch with us and we can let them have those details.

SPEAKER_00 24:56

And just, you know, a word of not warning, I don't want to sound dramatic, but it is a little bit. It says, you know, if you have decided to cut down or you're wanting to stop drinking at home, if you are not feeling right and you're, you know, you start feeling hot and sweaty or your heart is racing, please go to the emergency room. Um, don't just think, yeah, you'll be right. This is serious business. When you've got that alcohol, that buildup in your system, it's serious business. And if you're listening on behalf of a loved one, stay close because they need you right now. If they're trying to cut down or stop, um, get some advice from professionals. Call Rach, call myself, call your GP, call a specialist in that area because um we, you know, it's not worth mucking around with this stuff.

SPEAKER_01 25:47

And you know, if somebody starts to get the DTs, if they start shaking and they're starting to um detox and they are shaking, that is their body going into shock. That is their body going into shock because they haven't got that substance in them and they've had so much of that substance inside them. Um if the GP or the medical people are too far away, you know, this may sound the most craziest um idea, um, but please give them a drink because you quite possibly can kill them. Um, you know, the DTs are very, very dangerous, very dangerous. Um, give them, give them a drink and then get the professionals to do it properly.

SPEAKER_00 26:25

Yeah, that's really, really sound advice. Um, but yeah, like this is a pretty, pretty serious topic that we talk about. Um, and we don't want people to take it um, you know, not think it's as as serious as it is.

SPEAKER_01 26:42

Oh, it's very serious, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:43

But we know we we talk about all of this, but there is a very light side once you get out the other side. And you know, Rach, you know, you're in your tenth year of sobriety, and I turn four in May next year, and you know, there is such beautiful brightness on the other side of, you know, you walk out of of rehab and it's so scary. But each day, each day you you go along and you have another day under your belt of sobriety. You know, they all add up and they add up to 10 years, they add up to four years, and this life, like we always say, it's it's a it's a more beautiful life than we could ever imagine.

SPEAKER_01 27:21

Oh, absolutely, which is why I don't regret any of it. I don't regret anything of any of my past, you know, because um how can I? How can I regret anything that has brought me to this, you know? Um, I wish I didn't have had to have dragged my beautiful girls through it, but I believe it's made them stronger too, you know. I honestly believe that they are stronger people because of it as well. Um but yeah, I wouldn't have the life I have today if it wasn't for my drinking. It sounds crazy, but you know, it's true. Um, and yeah, I absolutely, as you've heard me say a million times, I absolutely would have sold myself short. If somebody said to me 10 years ago, how do you want your life to be? Not in any stretch of the imagination could I have given them what I've got today. This is so much better than what I ever, ever could have wished for. Who could want more than that?

SPEAKER_00 28:17

Beautiful. And we're very, very lucky, and you know, we're lucky to be alive as well. Um, that's that's one of the, you know, you open your eyes and you're already ahead of the game because you're alive. Um just the last thing I'll I'll finish on is that um with my study, I am just organizing my work placement, and I'm trying to organize my work placement with Damascus with my rehab. And I rang them yesterday and I spoke to the nurse that looked after me. And I said, I'm not sure if you remember me. And she said, Yes, yes, yes, I remember you. Dark hair, your son is Harry. And we talked for about 15 minutes, and she just said that what a gift having someone come back through the system that was once a patient, you know, and and that's that's you know, that's actually what can happen in this world. You can be a patient and turn it around the other way and walk in there as someone who can give back. And you know, it was so so beautiful to talk to this nurse. She is just the most gorgeous person. Um, but yeah, there's there's lots of good news stories, you know, when we we talk about alcoholism and and drinking stories.

SPEAKER_01 29:29

Most definitely.

SPEAKER_00 29:32

You know, and that's what we're here for. We're here to help people that are struggling or loved ones that are struggling have their ending be a happy ending and for it to be a good news story. We we we know what how it can happen and and what we need to do to get there. And that's what we're offering people.

SPEAKER_01 29:51

Yeah, there is a solution. This doesn't have to be their story. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 29:56

Well, well, thanks, Rach. And it was so nice to do our episode three, and um, so nice to have you guys joining us out there in the ether, wherever you may be. And we've had some people from Spain and India and um the UK and the United States. So we're kind of going everywhere right now, which is great.

SPEAKER_01 30:17

Which is just as well because we can't go anywhere ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 30:20

Well, that's right, I know. Oh, well, thank you so much, and we'll catch you next time on our podcast.

SPEAKER_01 30:28

Thank you. Bye. Bye.