The Freedom Room Podcast | The Hardest Part of Stopping Drinking

Topic - What was the hardest part of stopping drinking? A compassionate and real take on getting and staying sober.Join Rachel and Camilla on their journey, how they got sober and how they stay sober - and so much more. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Hi everyone, and welcome back to episode two of the Freedom Room podcast. I'm here with Rachel, who's a founder and the CEO. Hi, everybody. And I'm Camilla, and we are talking about what you found the hardest part of stopping drinking. I think this is probably a great question to be talking about in our early episodes because a lot of people are coming to us that are just, you know, thinking about stopping drinking or in their early days of having stopped drinking. So, Rach, do you want to kick us off with what did you find the hardest part? Yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

So the hardest part for me was all of it, the whole shebang. But um, you know, my whole life just was centered around alcohol. Whether I was drinking, whether I was thinking about drinking, whether I was planning a party, whether there was something coming up, you know, Christmases, birthdays, bar mitzvahs, you know, you name it, um, it was alcohol related. There was always alcohol um in everything that I did. So the thought of actually giving up drinking um just petrified me. How was I gonna um, you know, how was I gonna do anything um without alcohol? Because we're we're conditioned, aren't we? We're conditioned from a really young age by the media, by the press, by our peers, by our parents, by by absolutely everything, you know, we are conditioned that you cannot have fun without alcohol. You cannot do XYZ without alcohol, you know. Um here in Australia, you know, they advertise it so even more so than they do back in the UK, actually. Um, that, you know, to go camping, to have a barbecue, Australia Day, all of those things are advertised as drinking days, you know. Um, so for me, it was like, how am I gonna go camping? How am I gonna go on holiday? How am I gonna celebrate a birthday? And I remember um my girls were very young when I um stopped drinking. But I remember then thinking, what am I gonna do when they turned 18? You know, and when Sophie did turn 18, um, I can tell you exactly um what I did actually. Um when Sophie turned 18. Um, I took her into the city, I brought her her, well, firstly, she went and got her tattoo. Then I took her um into the centre of what's the street right in the middle. Main Street. Yeah. Um, and I brought her her first alcoholic drink that I had brought her, um, which was great. And then I sat there and had a mocktail. She had her alcoholic drink. My mum was with us. Um, there was somebody else from the fellowship with us, um, and we had a really good lunch. And then in the evening, um we went to Eaton's Hill, we went to um the tavern or the hotel, um, and there was myself, Jay, my mum, um, Sophie, Sophie's friend, another friend of ours from the fellowship. Um, and we had a really good night, you know, and I was able to do all of those things, you know, because um you don't have to have alcohol inside you to have a good time, um, and you don't have to stay away from these places either. Um, but going back to when I was gonna stop drinking, the whole thought of that just petrified me, absolutely petrified me. I thought I was gonna lose all my friends, you know. I thought I was never gonna have fun again. Um, yeah, so so much. What about yourself?

SPEAKER_00 3:38

Um I think the hardest part for me was how do I get through five minutes? How do I get through ten minutes? How do I get through a day or a night without drinking? How do I fall asleep without drinking? Um, how do I go out to dinner without drinking? How do I talk to my ex-husband without drinking? Like everything um was associated with a drink. And at the end of my um my active addiction, I was a 24-7 drinker. So everything I did was alcohol fueled. Um, and that is a terrible thing to say out loud, but it's the truth, you know. Um, and I think that that fear of, but what does it feel like without alcohol? I didn't know what life felt like anymore without alcohol. Um, one of the biggest things that I was really um dreading was how do I continue this relationship with a loved one? Um, who our fun and our connection is based around us going out for date night and having drinks. How do you create that fun when one person wants to go out and drink and the other person's trying to stay sober? It's very hard to have a relationship with someone when they're not in the same place that you are. So I knew I was going to lose that relationship if I gave up drinking. Um, but I had to make that choice because for me, if I had kept drinking, I would have killed myself or I would have died from you know alcohol-related illnesses. And so I had to choose to keep myself alive. And as hard as it was in that first, you know, that first little while, and maybe it was months, um, it just started to get easier. Things, you know, when you have your firsts, like when you first go out to dinner with friends without a drink, if you feel naked, but you have a soft drink and you're okay. So once your firsts are starting to clock up your first wedding, your first party, then things start to get easier. But uh, you know, you we can't lie and say that it's all easy. It's really not, you know. Um, but I think those fears, like, you know, we can sit here and we can say we can try and allay those fears and say that it does get easier, it does get better, but it doesn't stop that fear happening for you. It's just having the courage to push through that fear and through that anxiety, which is normal to have. And just know that it's gonna be worth it. Yeah, exactly. And that you hear that all the time, um, you know, in at the Freedom Room and in, you know, the other um 12-step fellowships is that people say, But how do I have fun? Oh God, life is so boring. And we touched on this before, but yeah, it seems boring if you're looking at it from an active addiction point of view. But when you're looking at your life now, like my excitement is taking my son to the park and riding our bikes and being cooked dinner by a best friend, or you know, they're they're different things that you find fun. It's not getting excused my language, but shit faced out at the pub, you know. Oh, I absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 6:49

I remember my fun, you know, I'd go out, I'd go club in, you know, I'd start drinking at home, I'd go to the pub, I'd then go to the club, I'd get home two, three in the morning, you know. Um, I would be absolutely off my face, you know, um, and quite possibly brought some stranger home, you know, um, and then woke up in a wet bed, you know, how is that fun? You know, um, I don't do those things today. Um, you know, my drinking stopped being fun. Um, yeah, I when my at the end of my drinking, it was no fun. It wasn't any fun for anybody. Um, and I've done all of those things that I've ever been worried about, you know, I've done all of them now in in in the the almost 10 years. You know, I don't think there's anything that I haven't done sober. Um and I was worried about all of them. Um and yeah, you know, you make your own kind of fun, don't you? Like you say, your your kind of fun is, you know, going to the park and you know, we appreciate so much more when we're sober, so much more. I remember um Harrison when I used to bath him, I would cry, you know, um, because when the girls were his age and they were in the bath, I would leave them in the bath and I would be stood at the door because the the bathroom and the kitchen um were connected, and I would just stand at the door to the kitchen with a glass of wine in my hand watching the girls, you know. Um, or actually it probably would have been vodka then anyway. Um, but even so, you know, um yeah, that reminds me of a really funny story that I feel I need to just share. Um, my my um my lovely Nan, she was um, God bless her, she had to go into a home right at the end of her life, and uh we used to play that um shopping list game. I don't know, do you play that with Harry or when he was younger? And um, oh my god, we were sat playing it in front of my my nan and all the elderly residents, and um Sophie and Amy were only four or five, something like that. Um they weren't at school, I don't think. So yeah, four or five. Um, and they're pretending to write the shopping list. And Sophie says, Mummy, do you need vodka? Um, yeah, and that was yeah, what they was just the normal for them, you know, um kind of getting off the point of uh of our topic, but yeah, that just came in my head.

SPEAKER_00 9:07

And uh the kids are uh they can tell, you know, they they really know when we think they might be young, they still pick it up, right? Like four and five is pretty young, but they yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:18

Oh, absolutely, you know. Um, and I was mortified, you know, but what four or five-year-olds know what vodka is, you know, um, and knowing that when we go shopping, that's part of going shopping. Because of course, in the in the UK, obviously, um the shops sell alcohol, so you get your food and the yeah, yeah. Um, you only go to one shop and you get it all. Um, no, none of this happened to go to the bottle shop. Uh and they're open 24-7 in the UK.

SPEAKER_00 9:47

That's dangerous. Oh, yeah. But I think um, you know, I that it's all good and well to, you know, and the idea of a podcast is to talk about it. But I think sometimes in early sobriety, it's good to have things in front of you. So I will say to people, do have a look at our Facebook page because there's a lot of posts that we do, which is tips to get through the weekend and stay sober, or um how to beat, you know, halt, hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. Like those types of strategies which can help you in those early days.

SPEAKER_01 10:23

Um stress, though. I know that isn't one that they say, uh, but I do like to add that on the end, you know, Holtz, you know, hungry, angry, lonely, tired, and stressed. Because stress is really, you know, one of the biggest things that we would pick up a drink on when we're stressed. And half the time we put the stress on ourselves, you know. So don't put the stress on yourself, don't stress yourself out. You know, if there's something that's just not going to plan, just take a step back. Don't stress yourself out over it because that is when you're gonna pick up a drink.

SPEAKER_00 10:54

Yeah, and a lot of things can be stressful in early sobriety because you know, there's usually loved ones that are around you that, you know, have probably got the shits, you know, pretty bad. They're pretty upset with you. So that's stressful. You know, it could have to do with children. Yep, and it could be that your job is taking, you know, has taken a toll for you drinking as well. So with those stressful things that come with trying to stop drinking, I guess the the idea is to have the tools to deal with that, you know, and that's mindful meditation, and that's you know, there's a a post that we'll do probably next week on Facebook, and it's about what to do when those cravings come up, you know, go for a walk, have a shower, um, eat something, drink something, you know, the the craving doesn't last that long, it doesn't last as long as you think it lasts.

SPEAKER_01 11:44

Oh, no, they don't. And the other thing is actually knowing the difference between a craving and the mental obsession. Um, because what a lot of people think are cravings actually are mental obsessions. Um, so you can't crave something that's uh not in your system, and alcohol leaves your system after 72 hours. So anything after 72 hours actually is a mental obsession, not a craving.

SPEAKER_00 12:08

Yeah, so the habit, exactly. And that I'm literally, as we're talking, writing that down mental obsession, because that is a huge one for alcohol addiction. It is just it's a massive topic, and I think we could probably do a five-episode series on it.

SPEAKER_01 12:23

Well, yeah, you know, the threefold, the threefold, you know, it's mental, it's physical, and it's spiritual. Um, and yeah, the the mental obsession um is probably one of the hardest, you know, because you know, it's in our head. You don't have to have alcohol in your system to have the mental obsession.

SPEAKER_00 12:40

That's right. And even, you know, I'm um three years and nearly three months sober and I still have the mental obsession come up. And it doesn't manifest with alcohol, but it can manifest with anything that it looks its mind to. It can manifest in, oh, I'm gonna do a double degree this year, or you know, taking on too much. So I think that's like I said, you know, we should do definitely do a series on that because you know, we have to be very careful about the mental obsession. And when I say we, I mean me. You know, I I still have to be careful about that mental obsession. Um, and I think if anybody in recovery is honest, they'll they will agree and say that the mental obsession can pop up anytime, anywhere. Absolutely, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:23

You have to be on your game, absolutely, and that's again, that's the isms, you know. Um, the the isms of alcoholism, you know, when you put the drink down, they don't stop. And that's why we have to do this stuff, yeah. Um, you know, because otherwise all you're gonna be doing is living with untreated alcoholism, and you don't have to have a drink anywhere near you for years to have untreated alcoholism. Um, and that's like you say, that's what we're doing here at the Freedom Room. We're we're doing the whole shebang, you know, we are doing the, you know, we do um 12-step facilitate because we do believe in the 12 steps, um, but we're also doing the other things, you know, the self-compassion, the mindfulness, you know, all those other things that come with part of alcoholism, um, you know, and the uh working on inside me.

SPEAKER_00 14:10

That's right. And and I think, you know, as wanky as it sounds, it's that holistic approach to things. You know, it is about your mind and your heart and your body. So keeping all of that in sync and in balance with each other um, you know, makes for a happy recovery rather than it being painful. You know, you hear that there are people that are sober, but they're not happy. Exactly. And I think, you know, uh it's it's not having all of those things syncing up together, is it?

SPEAKER_01 14:37

Yeah, and that's emotional sobriety. Yeah, and that's what we can offer here, emotional sobriety. You know, um, I I worked with somebody who had been sober for almost four years, um, and she was so unhappy, and you know, I helped her see what emotional sobriety was, and she said, Yeah, that's what she has today. Um, whereas before she was just well, she was just a dry drunk, you know. Um, and that's what I will say, like with the um with the 12 steps, with AA and the 12 steps, I love, as you know, I love um AA and I love the 12 steps. Um, but the 12 steps do have a way of making us um blame ourselves for everything. And don't get me wrong, most of everything is our fault. Not everything, but you know, um, and we're not saying that people don't harm us because they do, but what it doesn't do once you get to that point, it doesn't allow us then to have self-compassion, to stop beating ourselves up. Yes, everything's our fault, but what do we do with that? Um, and I think I described it as leaving us with a hole in our soul. Um, and we're we're offering something to fill that hole in our soul, you know, so that they do do the 12 steps because, like we said, I I absolutely a million percent um rate the 12 steps. Um, they work. I'm in my 10th year of recovery by working the 12 steps every single day of my life. So um, yeah, well, of my recovery. So they definitely work, um, but they do need more, and that's what we can offer here, you know, the things that they can't offer at the other 12-step fellowships. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:12

Well, it's been so nice to have you guys join us on our second episode. Um, we'll be doing an episode every week. Um, and also before we go, we just wanted to say how excited we are because this is the first episode we are um doing from our new officers. Um, so it's uh the first time Rach has been in an office for 14 years. Um, so it's super exciting for us, and we feel really blessed of this opportunity. And um, and it's I think I'm pretty sure it's safe to say it's just gonna keep growing and getting bigger and bigger. Yeah. That freedom tree is gonna keep growing. Yeah, which is what we want because the bigger we grow, it's how many people we can help. That's a direct correlation between it.

SPEAKER_01 16:57

Exactly it, it's about who we can help. This, you know, yeah, um, as we've said, you know, we care about people, not profit. And uh once we get also to be in a charity, you know, oh, that that's just gonna be amazing. And you know, we can help so many people.

SPEAKER_00 17:13

Um exactly. Well, thanks guys. And if you want to find out more about the Freedom Room, you can go to our website, which is www.freedomroom.com.au or our Facebook page. Uh, but we look forward to catching you next time. See ya. Bye.