The Freedom Room Podcast | Steve P

The Freedom Room interviewed Steve P from the UK! Listen to his story and how he got sober.

Thanks to Steve for this honest and open interview.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:04

How many years of sobriety do you have, Steve?

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Well, I shall be coming up to my third anniversary on the 31st of July. So I'm about three weeks short now of three years.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

Exciting. That's amazing. And um did you go to rehab or was that something that you just did on your own?

SPEAKER_00 0:27

Well, uh it wasn't so much a rehab thing. Um it was it was um uh an NHS supported um scheme um in in our local town. Basically, I went to the doctor and sort of like admitted my problem and and asked for some help and and I was pushed down a route to speak to um uh it's called Substance to Uh Success, uh S2S and uh they're they're an NHS funded company uh that uh that are local to us. And and basically I went and had a chat with them, and it it's all um it's it's very um low-key, but they do have an option to send you to rehab and things like that. And basically, I went in and had an interview with them, spoke about how much I did drink and um you know what what my plan was, and they took some tests and things like that. So no, it wasn't so much rehab, it was it was guided, um, you know, uh the way that I should I should approach it. Um, and I'm quite a stubborn person, put you know, in my personality, and I thought to myself, well, you got yourself into this, kid, you've got to get yourself out of it, kind of effects. Um, but I do take a lot of um rather than sort of like looking at the rehab um avenues, I do take an awful lot of um comfort out of things like this, the Freedom Room and what have you. Um and I I find this my best way of sort of like dealing with it.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

So, do you use any other support groups like AA or anything like that?

SPEAKER_00 2:06

No, I don't know. I've I have been tempted over the last um few years. Um, I have people that I know that do attend meetings and and and a close friend of mine actually is sort of like runs a meeting locally and has always said that they're available and um and what have you. I I do I do find I do like to talk, I do like to socialise, but I don't feel that I want to go to that kind of level. Um I feel that I manage it relatively well myself um without talking about it every day. And I feel if I was to go into that environment, it might bring it all back to the forefront of my mind, you know, on a regular basis. So, no, I um I just annoy the wife.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

That's a great way to do it, and I think it's whatever works for you, isn't it? Everybody's different. Yeah, that's right. Um, and so some people um have asked us some questions. Um, and one of the main questions we get asked is, how do I know if I've got a problem with drinking? So, how did you know that you had a problem with drinking?

SPEAKER_00 3:21

Well, I think the honest answer is uh I I'd always known it. It'd been it'd been a lot of years. Um I'd all I'd always known, because it was the first thing that I always reached for when I had an issue with anything. Um, whether it was a confidence issue, whether it was um a situation issue, or whether something had happened, I'd got upset, somebody had made me angry, whatever it was, I reached for the fridge. Um and I think I'd always known that that that's the the honest answer is just the pure volume and my the reaction to any situation was to go to the drink. Um what made me finally realize and do something about it was um a lifelong friend of my wife sat me down one day when we was all out enjoying ourselves and said to me, You're gonna lose her, you know. And from that day, I I I just I thought, oh bloody hell, I thought I was getting away with this. I thought I was managing it quite well, and you know, clearly I wasn't, because everybody, everybody around me could see what was going on, and I would I you know it's in typical fashion. I thought I was getting away with it. Um, but the the honest answer to that question is I always knew. I always knew that I was drinking too much, I was dependent on it, I I needed it for my confidence, and it it was just the obvious thing for me to turn to at all at all times.

SPEAKER_01 5:04

And have you found it um in your sobriety now that life has changed? Have you had to change anything dramatically, you know, socializing relationships or anything like that?

SPEAKER_00 5:17

Well, that's an interesting question because I um I don't think I've changed my socializing as much as I thought I would. In fact, I'm the most popular friend in our group now because I drive everywhere, you know. So it's it's it's it from that point of view. I get asked out more often than I used to. Um initially, I I took myself out of the firing line. I did not go to the pub, I did not go out to friends' houses. We made a point of not inviting people round for social gatherings, you know, for a for quite a period of time. Um, really, because uh I didn't want to put myself in that position because all I could think of was, you know, I'd I if I if I went out, the temptation was too great. Um, and if I had people around here and we had a house full of alcohol, whether anybody was drinking it or not, it was too great. Um, so I did take myself out the firing line. As time has gone on, I do find uh my social life it it it's it's so much better. You know, I I I can I can I can go to the pub, I don't frequent it. Um, you know, uh my friends are all very supportive, they all know the situation. Um, I've not had one incident where anybody said, Oh, you just have one drink because they know the reaction they will get from me is is you know would be a strong one. Um so that's been fairly supportive as far as that goes. I um my life in general is uh unmeasurably better. Absolutely, I could I I cannot put uh a scale on how much I feel better, um, how much more uh love is in the house with my my my two daughters, both of whom were acutely aware of a problem. Um one's 19 now, one's 12. So, you know, I've three years previous to that, I sat them both down and explained what my problem was. Um both of them are you know have been so supportive and and been really proud of me for doing it. And you know, so from that point of view, my relationship with a wife is immeasurably better, you know. Um she's pleased I helped around the house. You know, I've got I've I've got I've got uh awareness of everything that goes on around, you know, it's not all on her, um, you know, to support the house and and and whatever. Um I've got myself into a new job. I took myself out of my previous job that I had the comfort of for many, many years and decided I I needed a change of uh lifestyle, vocation, and and and what have you? Um and so yeah, my life is just it's immeasurably better. Immeasurably.

SPEAKER_01 8:17

And would your advice be to people in early recovery? You know how you said you kind of um took yourself out of that um socializing situation in that first instance? Would you advise people, you know, that were saying, well, I want to go out. Do you think it's better that people give themselves a bit of a break and just let themselves get sober first?

SPEAKER_00 8:43

I think so, yes. I think that would be my advice. I think for for for me, um having having been a drinker for years and years and years, and it got worse and worse and worse. I I look back now and and I try and try and equate how much of it was alcohol dependent and how much of it became a habit. And I I was I was 100% alcohol dependent, but I had to break the cycle. I had to break the habit of coming in from work. The first thing I did was go to the shop, go to the fridge, go to wherever I could get it from. Um and even the first day I decided that this was my break was was impossibly hard, incredibly hard. Everyone that will be watching this going through it, uh was thinking about it, will know that first day, or the day before you say, right, tomorrow's the day, or whatever. Um, but once I broke the cycle, I was determined. I followed the right routes, I followed the right um advice from the doctor and them and the medical people around about how to slowly stop and you know, and took all the advice on as far as that was concerned. But yeah, I had to make the break and I had to had to not put myself in the situation, which wasn't as easy as it sounds, because you know, we're quite a sociable family, and even having having family round for dinner on a Sunday, even my in-laws and my own parents, you know, there was always a bottle of wine on the table and things like that. So it wasn't as easy as making a complete break, but I I did take myself out the firing line for some some time um until I felt I was ready to go for it, you know, and that that that took some time. But I guess that's for everybody, every individual will have a different level of um how much time they need, I guess. But it would it would be my recommendation if if if somebody was to ask me, yeah, take yourself out the firing line. You know, you've got to do what you've got to do, but take yourself out of the remove the temptation, um, make it as hard as possible to get that drink. You know, don't go into a pub, don't sit in front of the gin cabinet, you know, that's got to be the way forward.

SPEAKER_01 11:12

Definitely. And um, I guess my last question is for everybody in Australia and everybody, you know, this is kind of it gets around the world as well. You know, what is the greatest piece of advice that you can give to someone who is either thinking about coming into recovery that's sober curious, or is just started their journey becoming sober?

SPEAKER_00 11:39

I've been asked that question quite a lot. Um, for me, as an individual, as a person, everybody has got a choice. My choice was to drink, my choice has been to stop. Um if you think you have uh a drink problem or a an addiction. If you think you've got an addiction that you you you think uh you you if you think you've got it, you've got it. That that that's that's it in a nutshell. Speak to somebody, speak to whoever it is, your best friend, your mum, your brother, your sister, your wife, your your husband, your boyfriend, whatever. Speak to somebody, you'll be surprised they know that's first and foremost. Um bless you. Um that those people you talk to, if they're close enough, they know and they will help. The more people that you're open to, the more people that you you um you let in to help you, um the better chance that you've got. Listen to people. If people offer you support, take the support. You know, if somebody says, I'll come to the meeting with you, I'll come to the doctor with you, I'll do this, take them up on it. Don't put it off. Take the support, take the advice, let people in, and you won't regret it.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

Thank you. Cannot tell you how helpful that is. I really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_00 13:07

Well, I I I hope it does help somebody, one person, you know. That's it. I I I do, I am quite open about it. In fact, I'm very open about it. Everybody in my life knows my my situation. Um, work from the top to the bottom in in my establishment, that they all know the scenario. Um, we have a joke about it sometimes. I'm big enough and ugly enough to take the joke, it's no problem. Um, you know, and I if I can help one person and I do put stuff on Facebook, I do say when I've reached a milestone, and I do sort of like um re-um share a lot of stuff that you and you and Rach put on from the Freedom Room. Um, and I do get a lot of people privately messaging me, people I've known for years, not spoke to for years, say, interesting, you know. I wonder if you could uh, you know, how did you do this? Now very similar to this interview, but on a lot lot lighter scale and through a through a message. And I've spoken to a couple of people, and I said, Look, I'm not weird to preach to you. I'm not, you know, uh as I said, everybody's got a choice. If you want to do it, you've got to do it, but you've got to you've got to want to do it. It's not easy, you've got to want to do it, and that that's that's the difference.

SPEAKER_01 14:24

I think it always seems bigger, scarier, and uglier than what it in fact is when you get here.

SPEAKER_00 14:31

Yeah, yeah, I think so. Yeah, yeah. I mean, one one one of the things that um you know I I think about is when people are talking to. I mean, uh I you may or may not be aware at the minute, but we've got a big football tournament going on in Europe at the minute, and it's it's it's massive, it's absolutely massive. England are playing tonight in the semi-final of the tournament, all my friends are out drinking, all of them will have a hangover tomorrow. I I will I will go into work tomorrow, I'll be the the clearest head. And I say that's what motivates me as well. You know, why why would I want to drink? Why do I feel the need to drink to have the hangover tomorrow and miss out on seeing the girls off to school tomorrow and you know any jobs that I've got to do and important meetings first thing in the morning, you know, it's it's just the decision, you know, just make it being being sober gives me the opportunity now to make that decision, whether I do or I don't. And that was breaking the cycle in the first place. But it's um it's not easy, kids. It's um, but it's it's your decision, it's it's up to you to you know to make that call, but but talk to people. Go go for it.

SPEAKER_01 15:43

The best things are never easy, are they?

SPEAKER_00 15:46

No, they're not, no, and and some people do have like a kind of an addictive personality as well. I mean, I um I started eating chocolate because I needed to replace a sugar rush somehow. You know, put on loads of mate, I became diabetic as a result, but uh now I've reversed all that because I my whole process was to change everything, you know, and as a result of not drinking, I I I became more active. Um, we bought a puppy, so I'm out walking the dog, you know, and I've I've as far as my diabetes goes, I've come off the medication for that, you know, because I've reversed everything that I do. And so it's you know, all the choices are there because I'm sober, you know, and I can make that decision now rather than it being, oh, I'll do it tomorrow, I'll start the diet tomorrow, I'll start the exercise tomorrow, I'll quit drinking tomorrow, you know. Clear head, I can make that decision. Brilliant, thank you. That's all good, all good.

SPEAKER_01 16:47

Well, I hope you've got enough for me waffling on to pick out pick out a few minutes of no, it's great, and it you know, it's amazing how like you know, three minutes of Rach talking, I can make kind of like six or seven videos out of that. So we'll we're gonna have heaps to work with.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

Brilliant, brilliant, yeah, absolutely. Well, I'd yeah, I'll be uh interested to see what you do come up with. Yeah, but I'll I'm very I'm very much invested in this, you know, from afar. You know, I went to school with Rachel back in the day, and um I was I was best best man at her um her cousin's wedding as well. So, you know, there there is grew up round the corner, that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01 17:30

So funny.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

Yeah. So anything, anything I can do, you know, to help. And I think you're doing a great job, Diperia. So just keep keep going, keep doing, get it, get it out there, you know, make it make it full of people that have got a smile on their face for a change rather than you know feeling that they've got nowhere to turn.

SPEAKER_01 17:49

You know, that's it, you know. It's and that's why it's about having, like you said, it's about having choices and being able to make decisions as about having freedom, freedom from an obsession, freedom from an addiction. So you know, it's a beautiful life, it's just it's worth everything.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

I genuinely hindsight. I mean, I'm 48 now, I'm not giving Rachel's eighth away. Um, but um, you know, and I I genuinely, genuinely wish I'd done it 20 years ago, even 30 years ago and not started in the first place. But it can't change the past now, it can only look forward, and you know, it's I would have a completely different life and outlook on everything if I changed it many years ago. But hey, can't change the past. Move forward.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

A year now, that's all that matters.

SPEAKER_00 18:43

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 18:46

Thank you again, I really appreciate it.