Episode 1 - The Freedom Room Podcast

A compassionate and real take on getting and staying sober. Join Rachel and Camilla on their journey, how they got sober and how they stay sober - and so much more.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Hi everyone and welcome to the very first Freedom Room podcast. We are super excited to be here today. I'm Camilla. Hi, and I'm Rachel. So very excited. We um are sitting here on the last day in the home office, and um we just picked up the keys today to the new office, which has been a huge step. Um so tell us how you're feeling, Rachel.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

Yeah, oh man, I'm so so happy. Honestly, well, you saw me when um when we got the keys and I have a little jump around, and you know, um, because it's been such a um such a dream for me to to do this, you know, um, and to actually have it in reality now um is just awesome. Um so I suppose really I should talk about um you know um how how it became, you know, how the Freedom Room was born. So um when I was in rehab, so going back um almost 10 years now, you know, um so when I was um in rehab myself, the um director actually said to me, um, obviously in a group, um he actually said, you know, Rachel, why are you here? Why are you here? And and I I probably misunderstood the question to be honest, but my answer was to help people. Um obviously he was probably asking why you're here in rehab, and I assumed he was asking why you're here on the earth, and uh I know, I know. Um, but obviously there was a reason for me to say that, but it has stuck in my head ever since that stuck in my head, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:41

So from the moment that you kind of knew you had your own problem with alcohol, that you knew that the the end goal was for you to help people?

SPEAKER_00 1:50

I didn't know it until I said that. No, I had no, no, not at all. Um, and but then moving forward, you know, when I left there, um I always had that dream that actually what I want to do um is start my own rehab. Um and obviously with the freedom room, um, you know, the end goal, my end goal for the freedom room is to be um a day rehab. Yeah. Um, but what when when I left um when I left uh rehab, not for one minute did I ever actually think that it was really gonna be a thing, you know. Um but as the years went by, as the sobriety ticked up, as the wellness got got more and more, you know, and and the more and more I helped people, more and you know, the more and more I thought I really want to do this, you know, and the more and more I knew that it was possible to be able to help people. There you go, probably somebody needed my help right there, you know. Um sorry about that. Um, so so yes, so since leaving rehab, you know, and I've got into um, as you know, as many people know, I got into a 12-step fellowship. Um, and that 12-step fellowship um absolutely has helped save my life without a shadow of a doubt, you know. Um, but the problem with the 12-step fellowship um is that not everybody likes it, you know. Um people can go to a meeting and walk away thinking, hell no, that's not for me. And for me, the 12 steps of that particular 12-step fellowship um is what keeps me grounded today. And I wanted to be able to offer that to other people, but to be able to offer that but with the other things as well, because the the 12 steps are wonderful, but it can also leave you with a little bit of a hole in your soul. Um, so it also needs self-compassion, we also need meditation, we need mindfulness, you know. Um, and I wanted to be able to be the place that brings all of that stuff together.

SPEAKER_01 4:01

That's it, because I think with when you get into recovery, you realize it's not just about putting down the drink, it's actually about creating a full, rich and happy and meaningful life for yourself. Absolutely, and there is so much that goes into that, you know, and you know, that first time you're in rehab, or for people that don't even go to rehab, it's just that hell that they're in, um, that obsession of drinking. But then once you put the drink down and you can see through that, there's just so much more to it. And I think having one place that you can come to that A understands it from you know, uh the bottom, the ground of what it actually feels like to be a person with an alcohol, you know, problem, then we can sort of help tailor that program around the individual so that they get what they need to rebuild their life. Oh, absolutely, a million percent. And that's what it is, rebuilding your life, because it's you know, by a lot of the time when people go get into a 12-step program or come to the freedom room, their life is usually in a not a very good place.

SPEAKER_00 5:08

Oh, it's it's a mess. Yeah, it's nothing but mammock. Yeah, yeah, you know, you don't walk into the freedom room, a rehab, or you know, um a 12-step um fellowship um unless you are literally without a word, you know, fucked, mate. You know, you don't, you don't you don't wake up one morning and think, oh, I had one too many last night for the first time. I'm gonna go and see if I've got a drink problem, you know. Um, you know, you don't never accept it straight away. So you've got to batter yourself until you're down in the ground, you know. That's it. Um, but the problem with a lot of the professionals out there and G GPs especially, you know, some of them, some of them are great, but some of them have got absolutely no understanding about addiction and alcoholism. Um, to a point um I actually had somebody in here at the Freedom Room this morning who went to see um this week, he had to go and see a psychiatrist who told him that it was perfectly fine for him to drink zero beers, you know, i.e., as in you know, the low alcohol. Yeah, you know, you and I both know that you can't do that. And he knows that he can't do that because he actually trialed it and it messed up his head.

SPEAKER_01 6:16

And I think for you know, those people say if you're listening and you're in early sobriety, you know, you think, well, what's the problem? There's no alcohol in it. But you know, from people that have had alcohol problems before, it's actually the the thought of having a drink in your hand, it it's it it sows that it sows that seed again in your head that maybe it is possible. And like you hear a lot about this disease, it's cunning, it's baffling, and it's powerful, and it will trick you and it'll make you think that you're okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:47

Yeah, but you've got that little bastard sitting on your shoulder about telling you that you're okay, you know. Um, but the other thing as well, those zero beers, you know, are not zeros, they're they're not, they have got the problem is they actually have 0.005% alcohol in them. They have always had alcohol in, they just take it out. So um it that is how it tastes the same. Yeah, so they take the alcohol out, but it still leaves 0.00.5%. Now, for the likes of you and I, we will find that our body, and I, you know, I have tried um right at the very early starts of my um recovery. I had a zero beer, you know, um, and I knew about it. I was behaving, and I only had one, but I was behaving in the same way that I was behaving when I was drinking in terms of how I was thinking, you know, and the other time when I went once and I had a rum and raisin ice cream, thinking that would be absolutely fine. Um, and I had the rum and raisin ice cream, and as I ate it and I finished it, and I went back and got another one, and I couldn't understand why, you know, because it was that short, that little bit of rum, and whoever tells you that that rum is not real rum is lying.

SPEAKER_01 7:58

And I think it's for for alcoholics, it's like that light bulb goes off. Even when it's the smallest amount, the alcoholic light bulb goes ding on in your head, and and things start to rapidly change, like you, you know, wanting more of it or mouthwash alcohol in, you know, um for the likes of you and I.

SPEAKER_00 8:17

Lethal.

SPEAKER_01 8:18

Can't do it. And you know, we don't want to we don't want to scare you off if you're listening to us and you're you know, you you probably you know, there's there's different levels of this alcohol use disorder. There's people that are full-blown alcoholics that will be alcoholics for the rest of their life, which is Rachel. Yeah, Rachel myself, but there are also people that you know it's a habit and they can break it. Um, that you know, so there's different levels, and that's the kind of thing that you know, following Facebook, you know, our page, we post a lot about those different, you know, sides of alcohol use disorder, which is what it's called now.

SPEAKER_00 8:56

Yes, now the so don't freak out.

SPEAKER_01 8:59

Um but I think information is power, yes, and the more that you understand about what is going on for you and how to change it, absolutely, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

You know, there's there's an invisible line. Um and unfortunately, if you cross that invisible line, there is no going back. It's like pickling a cucumber. Once it's pickled, you can't unpickle it, you know. Um, and that's you and I like pickled. Um, but if you haven't got there and it is just a habit and you've been using it, you know, that's when you could possibly use the alcohol-free um alcohol drinks, you know, um, to help you get past that habit. But what you're doing is you're not actually changing that habit because you're still going, you're still reaching for the bottle. Yeah, you're still having that glass in your hand. So you're changing nothing. And you know, if nothing changes, nothing changes.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

There you go. And yeah, I guess that's you know, it's like with smoking as well, that oral fixation, which they talk about, you know, you're you're addicted to the actual substance, but you're also addicted to what your brain tells you is that oral fixation. Whereas, you know, if you, you know, I won't even drink out of a wine glass. I won't drink soft drink out of a wine glass because it's it's too bloody close. And I just, you know, having sobriety is the biggest gift I've ever been given. I have a beautiful son, but that sobriety is comes before that because without it, everything falls apart. And I'm too scared to do anything that that will affect that sobriety. You know, I I live a very free life, don't get me wrong, but um, I I will always have that feeling of I don't want to lose it, and you know, that I don't want to ever be complacent towards it. Why would you, you know, when you've got a life that is is better than you ever thought it could be.

SPEAKER_00 10:45

Oh, absolutely. But and also, you know, when you fought so hard to get here, you know, why would you, you know, and and I was told very early on in recovery, you know, anything that you put before your recovery, you will lose, you know. Um, because if you don't put this first, you will pick up again, you know. Um, and again, we are talking about the harder alcoholics, you know, um, not the people who, you know, have just got into a habit and are just using it as um as a crutch right now, you know. Um, and and that's the thing, and that's why people can come to us and learn, learn what the difference is and learn where they are on you know, that side of alcohol, you know, um find out what what they need to do because no two recoveries are the same, no two people's program are the same, you know. Um it's not salt and pepper. Yeah, you know, it's certainly not salt and pepper. And yeah, we um we all have to find out what's right for us, you know, for us as an individual, what is gonna work for me, you know. Um, and and we all have the same basics of recovery in, you know, like the 12 steps, you know. Um, but what else is it for me that I need to bring in to me? You know, what is it that's gonna make me have more confidence, you know, um, what's gonna fill that hole in my soul, you know.

SPEAKER_01 12:05

I think so. And you know, you hear um a lot about you know, people saying, Well, without alcohol, I've got nothing. I don't have any hobbies, all my friends drink, what else is there? And yes, that's true, you know. Isn't that sad? Yeah, and it blood absolutely, it really bloody is. But that's I think some people get really scared of it, and uh to a degree I was as well. You know, what what am I without the drink?

SPEAKER_00 12:29

Oh, maybe I mean I I was nothing without the drink. I there was that there was no part of my life that didn't involve alcohol, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:38

And even with kids, you know, we that that was still the priority, and I think that's the the thing, you know, you can still have fun, you can still socialize. You you know, it's about rebuilding that, finding hobbies that you like. I only recently was, you know, um enlightened that I needed to get some more hobbies, and I did. Um, and if this might sound sad, but it's sometimes well. I started knitting and that didn't go so well, so I'm gonna pick another one. But that's the whole thing. Like, if it doesn't work, try something else.

SPEAKER_00 13:09

We can see any of this, you know. You know, you need a new routine. We get to pick our own routine, you know. We don't have to follow what the old routine was. We can choose whatever we want it to be, and we can put some really nice, bloody good things in that routine. That hobby can be whatever it is that you've ever wanted to do. Now's your time.

SPEAKER_01 13:27

That's it. And you know, being able to get up without a hangover on the weekend, you know, pack the bikes in the car, go for a bike ride, and actually enjoy yourself. You know, enjoy yourself not feeling like shit, not planning when you're gonna get home to get a drink into you, actually enjoying what we have.

SPEAKER_00 13:46

And we don't have a lot of time here, like and but enjoying what's around you, nature, seeing the trees, seeing the you know, the sea, the the sun shining, all the things that I paid absolutely no attention to whatsoever. You know, when I go out on the bike now, you know, oh, I take the most amazing photos and see some of the most amazing scenery, and you know, we are very lucky that we live in Australia, you know, which is one of the most beautiful countries that I've ever ever been to. Um and I feel so very lucky to be able to live here. Um, but again, only because of my sobriety, you know, um I'd be in the gutter. Well, I'd be dead, dead, absolutely without a shadow of a doubt, I'd be dead.

SPEAKER_01 14:22

And isn't that an interesting point? Because um, you know, I I'm studying at the moment and I came across something last night in my studies, and it was a graph about all the other um illegal substances in Australia, and it was um how harmful they are to the to people. You know, how how many um drug-related deaths are there in Australia? Do you know what the number one killer was? I don't, but I can take a wild guess now. Go on. Alcohol. Yeah. Number one, and it is legal. It was but but but not by a little bit, by a country mile. Wow, wow. And it's deaths that happen to people that fall over and hit their head when they're drunk. It's cirrhosis, you know, it's it's all of these things, you know.

SPEAKER_00 15:06

Well, you know, you and I both know somebody that that happened to, darling, don't we? You know, somebody who picked up fell over in the shower and and and that killed him. Um, and you know, the stuff that you read doesn't just happen to other people, you know. Um, he was such a beautiful guy, and it doesn't happen to other people. That happened to one of us, and that could happen to you or me. Um, and it yeah, it's so scary, so scary that how many, and you you're like you said, that that graph that shows you how much by so much more that people are dying um from alcohol related and you know, suffering and their family suffering, um, and then it's totally legal, but they are never gonna the problem is they are never ever, just like cigarettes, they are never ever gonna stop it. The money, the tax, exactly, you know, um, to them it's worth that take.

SPEAKER_01 15:56

And yeah. And let's just be clear, we're not saying go and use illegal substances, it's just for an example to say, you know, how how scary and how lethal alcohol can be, you know.

SPEAKER_00 16:07

Can you imagine that our first podcast people are gonna think that we were saying don't drink, go take heroin? Oh my goodness, yeah, that is not what we're suggesting by any stretch.

SPEAKER_01 16:18

No, absolutely not. But you know, it's like anything, it's just you know, finding a balance in your life. And um, sometimes people say, Yeah, but that's really boring. Can't tell you the amount of people that you hear say balance. What does that mean? I mean, that's just that's boring.

SPEAKER_00 16:34

Boring, and I'll tell you, if I hear the word boring and you know, oh my days, you know, oh I can't go to a birthday party, I can't do this at Christmas, can't go to a barbecue, can't go on holiday, it's all boring. How do you do? You know, I have done all of those things sober now, everything sober. I don't think there's I don't think there's anything if I haven't done sober now, you know. And let me tell you, if it was that boring, I'd have picked up a drink nine years ago. Yeah, you know, you can do all of those things and have as much fun, you know, more fun. And you can leave when you want to leave, you know, and and you remember every single bit of it.

SPEAKER_01 17:07

And it is different, you know, it is very different. But I think when you start doing those firsts, you know, like you said, the first birthday party, the first wedding, you will then look at people that are drinking and you'll go, Oh my god, was I really like that? And it's actually pretty confronting when you see people really drunk. Like it's not a it's not pretty, it's not a good sight at all. And like you, I I guarantee you at the end of the night, you're like, Thank God, that's not me.

SPEAKER_00 17:35

Yeah. Holidays were the thing for me, seeing people so drunk around the pool. Jeez, wheeze. I think, you know, how did how are they not dying? How are they not falling in the water? And and that was me all over, you know. I spend all this money. I've been so very lucky. Me and the girls have been so very lucky. We have gone to some of the most amazing places. We've gone to so many islands in the Caribbean or Caribbean, however you want to say it. Um, we've been so very, very lucky, you know. But most of the time, all I did was just stay around the pool. I could have been in any country, I could have done that, I could have stayed at home and done that because all I ever did on these holidays was drink, spend all that money to just go and drink, which is what I do at home. But I was just going to be doing it in the sunshine around the pool, you know. What a waste, what a waste.

SPEAKER_01 18:21

It is a waste, and you know, it it's really interesting when you learn about like the the origins of alcohol and that it's actually considered a poison, you know, like it is actually to our body.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

Yeah, absolutely. It it's toxic. Yeah, you know, they used to use it, you know, as an anaesthetic. You know, what does that tell you? They that's what they would use um to knock you out to do operations back in the day. Yeah, yeah. But having said that, you know, when I blacked out, you know, you could have done anything to me and I do not know. Which is a very scary thought.

SPEAKER_01 18:56

Oh, yeah, it is. I wouldn't go back for anything, so thank God for that. Um, so yeah, I guess, you know, as our first podcast, we're just we're super grateful to be here. And we also, you know, want people to know that the the stigma that you, you know, unfortunately it still exists around alcohol dependence, alcoholism, whatever you want to call it, there still is that stigma, but it I think it's really being challenged at the moment. Like I think people are starting to see that you can be open about it, yeah, you can talk about it, and you know, there's nothing shameful about it. It's a disease, it's like having diabetes, it's you know, left untreated, it will always end badly.

SPEAKER_00 19:43

Absolutely. Alcoholism left untreated is going to kill you one way or the other, you know. And let's not forget, you know, untreated alcoholism, you can have that without even having alcohol in your body, you know. Um, and that's a whole nother podcast. But yeah, you know, you and I again know that we can behave like alcoholics when we don't, you know, work our program, you know. Um, and as we've already said, you know, this is not an overnight fix, you know, um, you have to work long and hard recovery. 100%.

SPEAKER_01 20:14

And um, I guess for people that are listening, we've sort of, you know, we've got a lot of things coming up at the moment, and we're going to be trying to do a podcast each week. Um, and that um podcast is gonna talk about anything from neuroplasticity to what to do to rebuild your life, what steps you need to take, talking about 12-step facilitation, talking about the other 12-step programs that are out there, the different fellowships. I mean, you name it, we're gonna talk about it. So we're really excited that you guys have joined us and we hope that you keep joining us um on our podcasts. Um, the other thing that we're going to be doing is lots of workshops. So if you guys are interested and you're in the Brisbane area, um head to our Facebook page or our website. Um, but if not, we might be thinking about doing, you know, maybe recording it or sharing some of that information. So um we'll be looking at things like um mindful self-compassion, mindful meditation, um, looking at um how to improve your mental health, um, how you know relationships when you're sober, all that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_00 21:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:24

Um, so yeah, if you're interested, we're sort of we're here to help you guys, and and it's it's to give you a beautiful life and to like you know the the name says, give you freedom from alcohol.

SPEAKER_00 21:35

Yeah. And and not just freedom from alcohol, you know, freedom from you know, freedom from self, um, from you know, absolutely everything. Because yeah, once we put you know the the alcohol down, you know, life carries on, and we have to learn to live life. Um, and and if we don't know how to do that properly, you know, um we can beat ourselves up. Um and and that's the other thing, you know, freedom. From from myself. Yeah. Freedom from pain, freedom from everything, you know. And one thing, you know, I say this often, but it is very true. You know, if you'd have given me a piece of paper 10 years ago and said to me, How do you want your life to be? I absolutely would have solved myself short. You know, I have got the best life ever. Way better than I ever could have imagined it could have been. And not materialistic stuff, you know, all it's the stuff that's inside, you know, the stuff that I never thought I was going to get, you know, that that serenity, that peace, that calmness, you know, um, stillness, that stillness in my life today. Um, yeah, I have the most amazing life, and uh I'm happy to share it with anyone.

SPEAKER_01 22:46

Yeah, and I think you know, that's the beautiful thing about this space for you and I, Rach, is that it is opening up so that people can hear about what it's like to be an alcoholic and and you know how we got out of it, how how we rebuilt our lives, and and it's the same for anyone. If we can do it, anybody can do it. Absolutely, yeah. Promising. Yeah. Um, so look, thank you all for joining us. And um, is there anything else that you want to add, Rachy?

SPEAKER_00 23:14

No, just you know, thank you so much to everybody and you, Camilla, as well. Definitely, you know, I just want to say a big thank you. You know, you I certainly wouldn't be this far along if it wasn't for your support and your help either, you know. Um, and it means so much to me, so so much to me. Um, yeah, I'm there's nobody else I'd want by my side in this, and uh yeah, I can't thank you enough. There's no words, there are no words, and anybody who knows me knows that I don't get lost for words very often. Um, but there are no words um on how appreciative I am of you, darling. I really am, and uh yeah, and and and and just everybody that has supported us and you know, shared our post, shared our page, and um God, I sound like I'm at the Grammys or within Al Oscar. You know, I'd like to thank my family, of course. And yeah, it's a bit like that though, you know. Oh, it's just amazing. I can say the fact that we started here in you know, in my spare room here, um, that you know, we now got um bigger and better venue, um, and it's just gonna keep growing. And and of course, also the end result, obviously being the day we have, but also being a charity, so that the people who can't afford still get the luxury that we have got. You know, everybody deserves to have what we have, you know. It doesn't matter where they come from or how much money they've got because we're no better. Not one alcoholic is better than any other alcoholic, and anybody who thinks they are needs to get that out of their head, you know. Um, we all have that one thing in common alcohol. Alcohol that just takes over our whole life that we have no control over. And uh yeah, everybody should be able to have the life that we have today and let us be able to be able to go and pass that on to each and every one of them.

SPEAKER_01 25:03

I think that's beautiful, and yeah, it's a very it's a special gift to be able to pass on to people. Precious. Well, thanks guys, and we look forward um to us uh joining us next time. And take care and make sure to stay safe and reach out if you need us. Bye. Bye.