The Freedom Room Podcast | TeeJay

In this powerful episode of The Freedom Room Podcast, TeeJay shares his journey from life before sobriety, including his experiences with addiction and homelessness, to the life he’s building today in recovery. It’s an honest conversation about the challenges he faced, and the hope that comes with choosing a different path. A raw and inspiring story of resilience, growth, and what’s possible when recovery comes first. 

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hello and welcome to this week's um podcast here at the Freedom Room. My name's Rachel Akers. I am the CEO and founder of the Freedom Room. And today we have got TJ. Welcome, TJ. Hi Rachel. Hi. So we're gonna um get on and ask some questions. So TJ, tell me when you first walked through the doors of the Freedom Room, which was back on the 4th of March 2025, what was life like for you at that point?

SPEAKER_01 0:37

My life was my life was atrocious. It was horrible. I had all but I'd pretty much given up on life completely. Uh look the only thing that really got me looking for any sort of help with my problem with alcohol was a realization that as bad as my life was, it was about to get worse. Homeless, nothing, no net property, uh just the car and the job and a couple of keepsakes. I felt like it was as bad as it could get. But I realized if it got if it kept going, if I didn't turn it around, I was going to lose my job, then what? Lose my car and still up here live, just waiting to die. And the thought of that was just painful.

SPEAKER_00 1:31

And how old are you, TJ? How long had it been drinking like that?

SPEAKER_01 1:36

Well, I'm 43 now. I was 41 on the 4th of March when I come in to the freedom. Uh my drinking wasn't so bad when I was a teenager or a young adult. It was pretty much from 21 that my drinking took over. Um, yeah, look, it it's not exactly just alcohol, it's drugs and alcohol was my problem. Um, but yeah, uh at 21, drinking alcohol because it's easy easily accessible became my primary problem for anything. I just were what I thought was how to manage it, at least to a point that yeah, I could still work and still show up every day.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

I remember when you first came in, you um you didn't even think you would get through the first weekend. You were convinced really that you wasn't going to be able to stop. What made you believe that you wouldn't be able to stop?

SPEAKER_01 2:38

And is it because that you'd tried before or I can't honestly say that I ever tried before, but at this point, and it down been a lot the prior 12 months to two years, I couldn't wait till I finished my job to go get something to drink. I had to stop off at a bottle shop and get something to drink during the working day.

SPEAKER_00 3:01

During the day.

SPEAKER_01 3:12

And looking for a nine o'clock opening bottle shop, nine, nine thirty opener so that I could get something to drink. Just so I could see properly and think properly.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

Would you drink during the evening, like during the night time? Um, like did you wake up and have a drink? So did you need to have a drink?

SPEAKER_01 3:30

If I woke up at three o'clock in the morning, I'd have a drink.

unknown 3:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

Um many nights I tried putting myself to bed early, but I'd just get up, have a drink, go back to bed. Five minutes later I had to get back up, have no drink before I try again. Eventually it'd be like I've got to finish the bottle so that I know the only way I the only reason I had to get up, but I have to sleep so that the bottle shop opening can come around sooner.

SPEAKER_00 4:02

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 4:03

So I can get another bottle. It was the only way I could put myself to sleep.

SPEAKER_00 4:07

You said that you were homeless. Um, so where were you sleeping?

SPEAKER_01 4:12

Uh I spent a bit of time sleeping in my car, parked up on the side of the road, stuff like that. Uh at first I was using the shower at the office first thing in the mornings before anyone got there, so that I was clean and presentable for work. Um, pretty soon after um my employers let me sleep in the office because it was a safe place uh out of the weather, out of the rain. So they did me a big favor and let me sleep in the office. Um very embarrassing to look back on, very grateful.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

Did they encourage you getting help?

SPEAKER_01 4:57

Yes. But the truth is it didn't matter how much they encouraged me. I didn't look for help until I decided to look for help. That's that's the truth of the matter.

SPEAKER_03 5:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:11

Like doesn't matter. People look at you with pity, just there's nothing they can do for you. And the truth is there is nothing they can do for you.

SPEAKER_00 5:20

There's not no unless somebody's ready, they're not enough.

SPEAKER_01 5:27

And even when I come in looking, I didn't really want to stop. You would you you would have got that impression from me when I first come in. I didn't want to stop, I just wanted help, man, managing it. Uh but I just knew that it was gonna come to a point where they'd have to sack me and that mental would have done them even more hard by that point and forced them into that position. It's a miracle that I hadn't done that already. Uh but yeah, I yeah, it took I had to want to make a decision and it's yeah, it's like I'm not even gonna die quick enough for this to be as little a problem as possible. It's actually gonna get worse.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

I remember you actually saying um when you first came in, actually exactly that, that you wanted to die, you were drinking yourself to death deliberately almost.

SPEAKER_01 6:20

It seemed the easiest way to die without being a mess that somebody else would have to clean up. Realize now looking back on that, somebody still would have had to clean that mess up. It's not like walking in and finding somebody's home themselves.

SPEAKER_00 6:37

Yeah. I remember you saying that um you had thought if you were going to do it, you would have made sure you'd gone into the forest to make sure that nobody found you and eventually you would get hit by animals.

SPEAKER_01 6:52

Not even the forest, it would have been the middle of the country.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

Like I know where I'd gone, not what you would have found.

SPEAKER_00 7:00

Because you didn't want to put somebody else through that. What was your biggest fear when you got sober or before you got sober? What was your biggest fear about getting sober?

SPEAKER_01 7:13

I wouldn't say I had any real fears about getting sober. I didn't think it was possible. I didn't think I'd succeed. It's just taking my last chance. Uh I've gotten to the point where I was lonely enough as it was. But even then, what kind of social life would I have if I'm gonna stay away from because by then my only social life was at pubs and communities. And if I can't even do that, who am I gonna talk to? I can't talk to my colleagues outside of work because they're all busy living their lives, their family lives.

SPEAKER_00 7:49

The people who you would meet in in the pub, were they friends? Did you m be meet up with people you knew or it was just whoever was there that you would talk to at least you were having a conversation and socializing?

SPEAKER_01 8:05

Well, with so much history, drinking, going to pubs. I always found it quite easy to make friends, bast off customers, just about security, but like I prefer just sit there and be myself on my own and people would socialise with me. They'd give me something to talk about, to think about to take my mind off my own problems. Just yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:32

Would you go to the pub every night or would you sometimes or every day? Every day. Every day and what we Right. Straight from work.

SPEAKER_01 8:39

Most times straight from work. And before I became homeless, uh I'd go straight from work, get a few in, go home, drop the car off, and then have shower scroll up, change into casual clothes and go down and just keep drinking. There was nothing for me at home. You just keep drinking, gambling, social work, they pool.

SPEAKER_00 9:03

What was it um or was there a particular moment or time when um when you first started that something may have shifted and you think, well, actually maybe I can do this? Because obviously, I mean you stayed sober from right at the beginning.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

Well, early months I could sort of tell while lost out through, but it's easier to recognise looking back on it that right up to the first six months was really a haze of my brain healing itself from all the damage that I have done. Um, and yeah, look, it never became a point that I might be able to do it. It was more a recognition of holy shit, I am doing this. But I am doing this and it is worth it. Uh just the first couple of pointers that you give me and freedom you give me. One day at a time, head on the pillow sober was really important and really effective for me. It really got me through and just looking at it one day at a time, not going what what is my future going to be like? I sort of realised that yeah, I was doing this. It's not, will I be able to do this? I may be able to do this. It's this is working.

SPEAKER_00 10:23

Mm-hmm. What's the biggest change that you've noticed in yourself since you've got sober?

SPEAKER_01 10:30

Well, I was about to say I don't really know. But the biggest change is I came in here suffering extreme depression. Uh depression one day design. Um, I'm not depressed anymore. When I think about the things that I was depressed about, it's saddening, brings a tear to my eye, and it fucking it hurts. But I don't hold it. I don't carry it around with me every day. I've I've let go of what was dragging me down inside emotional. Um, my depression is as good as cured. If it can be cured, it's as good as cured. I've like I said, I still think about the things that had me so depressed at the time. Yeah. And it is sad. But like all my family, I let it go. My life went to share, partly because of the depression, partly because of the drinking, partly because of how angry I was at the work. I've I've put that down and I look back on it as a lesson that I had to learn. Um I can't say that I fully learnt it, but I'm happy, I'm past it. I know it happened, I accept it, but I'm not kicking myself for it. I accept it. So yeah, um, not depressed. Looking at I'm looking at why you know, happy me.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

I remember when you say when you first came, there was from that first meeting, I've said to you before that there was always something very special about you, um, in the sense of I knew I only had one shot. Like if we didn't get this right, you weren't coming back. And I knew that we had one shot. And the one thing that always stood out to me was the person who you really are, underneath all of what was going on, has always, it's always come shining through, even from the very beginning. I could see um the person that you were inside that maybe wasn't being portrayed on the outside that people maybe didn't see. Um do you think, were you expecting to be as open and be as um vulnerable as um, you know, you've made friends here, you know. Um, did you think at any point that was on the table? You know, um your whole life in one respect has changed totally, right? Not not just not drinking. Um, what are the all of those other things that have come with it? You're not homeless anymore, right?

SPEAKER_01 13:40

No. Not homeless wood. I'm not at risk of being homeless again anytime in the future. I don't honestly think that I will become homeless again. Oh, sorry, I've sort of lost that question about.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

Sorry, um, I was asking about like the friendships and um the the vulnerability and the openness um that you have become that obviously in the very early days, um I wasn't in the early days I didn't even think of that as a possibility.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

Uh look, I talk about it all the time, but every time this comes up, when I started, you often you gave me a letter to get the doctor to get vague and to get on the treatment to get sober. And said, Don't stop drinking until you get until I get that vague. The doctor said, Don't stop drinking, I'm not ready to put you on this program. My boss, one of the bosses who was helping me said, Don't stop drinking. Yeah. And I got it, if I stopped drinking, I could die.

SPEAKER_00 14:45

Very much so, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:47

So that's that was my biggest kicker. To stop drinking was just hope that I die and everything would be sold for everyone. Even I could just move on. When I got through that, I didn't really think about friendships or making friends or really even becoming part of the group. It was just showing up every day for every meeting and just taking one day at a time. And just over time I was gotten to see how nice everyone is who's here and they're worth being friends with. And I appreciate their company and their their lives, their personality, their experience. Uh just my sobriety growing alongside of theirs. It's what turned what turned the freedom room into a family for me. And that's that's why I have the relationships that I do with the people in the freedom room. We are a family that in reality we do a better better job sharing our problems in life with uh each other. Most of them do with their own families. Or even I would with my own family.

SPEAKER_00 15:57

Hundred percent.

SPEAKER_01 15:58

It's just it's an equal fair place. That's why they will get along so well.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

Yeah. It's very rare that um there's people that come in that doesn't get along with um everyone. Um is actually probably one of the only places that you can go and get on with nearly a hundred percent of the people that are there, you know, um, and actually having something in common with each and every one of them. Yeah. There's nobody here that you don't have something in common with. Um and I think that's very special to to find that for sure. If somebody was listening, Terry, to this um and they were thinking about getting sober and not knowing um what to do and whether they should or not, what would you want them to know? What would you say to convince them either way?

SPEAKER_01 16:52

Like I said at the start, the first most important thing is the only person who can make you even start looking for sobriety is yourself. So just the fact that you're coming and looking for it, you're in the right place, you're heading in the right direction. Just take one day at a time. Literally, just take one day at a time, get your head on the pillow sober, just one day at a time. Everything will work out as long as you keep showing up for yourself.

SPEAKER_00 17:21

And obviously, you've been here for what 15, 16 months or something like that?

SPEAKER_01 17:26

15 months this weekend.

SPEAKER_00 17:28

Yeah, wow. Um, did you think that after all this time that you would still be coming? And can you explain to our listeners why you're here still, other than the fact that the owner's pretty awesome?

SPEAKER_01 17:46

I shouldn't know you're not to get some as I'm a little bit well.

SPEAKER_03 17:50

I've done very well with that.

SPEAKER_01 17:52

Promoting yourself.

SPEAKER_03 17:54

Hold on, hold on.

SPEAKER_01 17:56

Um look, not entirely sure why I picked Channel out. Uh I knew I knew before the 12 weeks was over, 12 weeks was over. There was more to me maintaining my sobriety than just getting sober in the first place. I had to deal with what I was drinking on, which was still my depression. I was still dealing with that. Um, still suffering from anxieties, expecting to get in trouble with things in life left, right, and center. Um, still had to learn how to face the world without drinking on it. So that's why I kept showing out. Um over time I've just there's no key moments where I've done any of that for my depression. There is a key moment where I looked back and realized that my depression was gone. It's like, fuck yeah. That is so that is so free. Um my anxieties that I get through work and stuff like that. It was just dealing with it more and more every day. And just within background, nothing's nothing's come of all my fears. There's no need to be so fearful of everything that I'm worried about that is giving me anxiety. And I still can get my heart's bank home, but it's controllable, it's understandable. I've learned techniques here at the freedom room that help me deal with it if it's ever getting out of control. And most of it is, yes, step away from the work. Don't go hide from it. Don't go fucking drinking on it and try to run away. Just sit back and take a bit of time for me. Well, can't wait. Work really can't wait. Five minutes isn't gonna hurt anybody, half an hour isn't gonna hurt anybody. If I need it, I can take.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

What does um freedom mean to you now? You said in in there that it was very freeing. What does freedom mean to you?

SPEAKER_01 20:04

Freedom look, freedom is my freedom from my depression. Um that was my biggest that was my biggest cage, prison, or whatever you want to call it. It was my biggest way. Um I'm free, you know. I'm free to face anything that comes my way. I used to think that I needed a bit of Dutch courage to get me through things that I didn't think would turn out well. All that would do was have me having a drink, getting a little bit tipsy, and then all I wanted to do was keep drinking. Instead now I d I don't think about having a drink to give myself fake courage. I focus on what I need to do and stand up to the challenges that come my way. Um, that's freeing in itself because you get through 'em. Whatever the challenges are, you get through 'em. Like like I said, I don't think I'll be homeless again any time in the near future because when I see those problems coming up, I won't go to the pub, have a drink bottom, and try and hide from it. I won't go looking for false courage. I'll confront whoever I need to to move through the problem or move on from the problems. I will go looking for another house. Um my car breaks down. Had engine trouble lately. I'll get that fixed myself. I have the courage to face it. Um if I have car troubles, I will get my car fixed. I'll see the mechanics and uh of everything um and having trouble with work. Not so much trouble, but I went and got a new job instead of doing what I used to do and just cracking the shits, handing in my notice, writing it out, and then spending the next three months chasing a new job. I'm going from one job to the next, barely even get time off in between.

SPEAKER_00 21:56

That's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

It's completely different. It's unfortunate. Heard of from it. Um, yeah, free to free to be what I choose to be.

SPEAKER_00 22:06

How long did you think you had left of dr you know, if you had a continued drinking, how long do you think it would have been before it actually took you out?

SPEAKER_01 22:17

See, I don't know. Um, looking back on it, as I got sober, I thought to myself, holy shit, I was closer than I thought I was. Um, but before I came in, I looked at it like it would take me another year of drinking to actually die. Despite all the pain and the symptoms that I was going through, my body just kept going through it. But my life wasn't getting better. So at the time I felt like it was going to take too long. But when once I got saved and started looking at all the symptoms that I was going through, all the stuff that we talk about in workshops. It's like, yeah, I might have only had my six months.

SPEAKER_00 23:04

Um People don't realise actually, do they, how dangerous alcohol is.

SPEAKER_01 23:12

No, no, really don't have it through. Uh they do not understand how the addiction sneaks up on. They don't understand how just a few drugs throughout the actually is hurting your body. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 23:26

Even one. There's no safe amount that you can have. I mean, it's poison. That's the end of the day.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

Um yeah, and and and just even if you think having one's safe, it's only a matter of time before you think I can have a bit more. It just sneaks up on you like that, a bit more and a bit more, oh, friends are off doing this. I can go, I can afford to go and party with them and drink with them. It just it sneaks up with society the way it is. It just sneaks up on before next thing, you know. It's the only thing you want to do.

SPEAKER_00 24:01

Has anybody um noticed any big changes in you like at work or I know um I'm sure the people in the pub have because you've not been there, but well, I have been not to drink. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:15

Um, I remember sitting down with two older bar ladies while they were having a cigarette in the smoking area. And they sat down and had a good chat meeting. This is at about 10 months over, eleven months over. And they're like, you are doing very well. They themselves are drinkers and they don't think they could do it. You can if you want to, you just need to make that decision for yourself or they're gonna preach to them or anything like that. But they're just like they themselves seen a big difference in me. Now, they had the argument that drunks are generally just brude and obnoxious and don't give shit. And I did have the option to go look, but I was never that sort of drunk. And they totally agree, because even in my worst drinking, I was never an arsehole of people, especially if they were at work.

SPEAKER_00 25:07

I wish I could say the same.

SPEAKER_01 25:10

Um I can understand that not many people care. Oh not a majority of people can't say that. I guess I just well been on their side of the bar and know what it's like to throw out drunks late at night. And I understand why those drunks can't comprehend that the best thing to do is to just go home too, because like I said, I've been on both sides. Um, but I had a chat with Bath after. Those people that I said used to look at me in pity, I didn't realise they were looking at me in pity until I got sober and I seen their faces look at me with shock.

SPEAKER_03 25:50

Wow, okay.

SPEAKER_01 25:51

Total disbelief that I've turned in a completely different person.

SPEAKER_00 25:55

Do you think in those ten months, because they haven't seen you, do you think they might have thought you were dead? Kind of threw that one in. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 26:02

No, it's so much. I just think they like a lot of people at the pub, at any of the pubs I've visited to say hi to old friends who are just drunk and all lobbying and all over. It's like fuck just back off, give me some space where there's no need to be bad. Well, I appreciate that you miss me. Back off. Um, but no one ever really thought, oh god, you're dead. But just the way you say that, it's like I was at a work supplier two weeks ago and a bloke I hadn't seen for ten years rocked up and goes, Oh, you're still alive, I can't believe you're still alive.

SPEAKER_00 26:43

Oh wow, okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:44

But he knew me from the teeth days from my drinking back then.

SPEAKER_00 26:47

Did that shock you?

SPEAKER_01 26:49

Yeah, um at first I'm like, Does he think I'm my old man? Or does he think I'm me? And it's like, no, he must know it's me. It's like, wow, that shocked me. And then because I haven't been to the doctor since the early days of getting sober and to find out they've got me marked down with deceased. It's just like, what the f like that happened not a week after I ran into him and he said that is this going to be an ongoing thing where we bring people back from the dead.

SPEAKER_00 27:19

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:21

At the very least, well, yes, in my case, definitely did bring me back from the dead. Even if even if I was still alive, I wasn't living. Whereas now I'm definitely living. So yes, Rachel, you do. You save lots and you bring people back from the death.

SPEAKER_00 27:38

Thank you. Yeah, it's um I I'm very lucky and I feel very blessed that I do get to do what I get to do. Um, yeah, it's um there's no better feeling than being able to help somebody else um with, you know, um having been there, of course, you know, that's one of the biggest differences, isn't it? It's that lived experience of knowing exactly how you feel, because I've lived it, I've been there, I've done that. And um, and I think that is definitely one of the differences between us and some other um agencies. We often say at the Freedom Room that obviously it's 10% not drinking and 90% everything else. How would you explain that if somebody was like, well, all I ha the only thing I want to do is stop drinking? That makes no sense.

SPEAKER_01 28:34

Well then uh anyone coming into it, I wouldn't say anything about the 90%. I'd look for now that 10% is the 100% oh yeah, for sure early days, and it was for me for a very, very, very long time. Just just just stop drinking and stay sober. And you watch that hundred percent turn into ten and the ninety percent come out just with you dealing with your life the way you have been, but not hiding from it. Then the 90%, all the work that you need to do to be the person you want to be.

SPEAKER_00 29:11

It's be authentic and it shows off. Yeah, it does for sure.

SPEAKER_01 29:16

Start doing that.

SPEAKER_00 29:17

I know you said that you um have got a new job and you you're not homeless anymore. Um, but what are your hopes and dreams, you know, now that you're sober, what what's your goal?

SPEAKER_01 29:30

Look, I can't really say I've ever had a goal in life except to be happy. And all this time I've been focusing on being happy the wrong way, and I've been quite angry. I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to be happy, staying happy, teaching people that I work with what I know, people that are in my life to come into my life, what I do know. Not preaching, not with anger, just standing by and helping along. That's that's the reason I've made the change with my job. It's so I can sit back with less responsibility, stop dragging the younger people along to try and hit up with me so I can sit back and hurt them, I suppose, in the right direction and be there, help them when they need it. And that's the person that I want to be.

SPEAKER_00 30:23

How would you describe who you are today if you got to speak to a younger version of you or you know, the alcohol version of you? How would you describe yourself now today?

SPEAKER_01 30:39

Well, I've I feel like I've reset to the person I was before I started taking drugs. Looking just ready to step out into the world, really. That's how I feel. Like I'm going back over halfway through my life, suffered all the pain, weren't to stop caring. Now I'm just looking to be happy and see what life has for me. What has life got for me? What can I enjoy in the rest of my travels, journey?

SPEAKER_00 31:14

What advice would you give to anybody who not who is thinking but who is starting their journey? What what advice would you give? I know you said um about one day at a time and getting your head um on the pillow. What advice would you give to people who are going to try and be doing it themselves?

SPEAKER_01 31:37

Do you show up to every meeting. Spend as much time as you can getting sober connections, changing put your life on pause and just show up. Every day you show up to a meeting, every time you show up in the chat, you're not showing up for the other people, you're showing up for your sobriety. That's you're showing up for who you want to be and for your own free and control of yourself.

SPEAKER_00 32:05

What are you most proud of in your journey?

SPEAKER_01 32:08

Really. I don't really think it is what I'm proud of. I'm happy I've made it through it to where I am now. Yeah. I'm proud of who I am. I'm proud that I'm a good person, I'm a nice person, I am the person I always wanted to be. That's only me things. That pro that proud is only for me. That's mine. I'm just happy. And that's my only intention is to be happy with everything that I do.

SPEAKER_00 32:38

Um, so to finish off, is there anything that you would like to say? Is there anything that you wanted to bring up in the podcast that you think um would be beneficial to people listening or even just for yourself that you wanted to mention?

SPEAKER_01 32:56

For anyone who's thinking about sobriety, even just controlling your drinking, give it a go. You can do it. Anyone can do it if they choose to do it. I'd like to say for myself, but for anyone else, yes, it can be done just for yourself. You can do it.

SPEAKER_00 33:14

That's awesome. Um, thank you so much for um talking with me today. Thank you so much for being a part of the Freedom Room. Thank you so much for bringing so much to the Freedom Room, and thank you so much for being on the same wavelength as my 13-year-old. You guys, I realise, actually have way better conversations with each other than me and him.

SPEAKER_03 33:41

Not really, not really better conversation, sort of thing. Just a little secret for you.

SPEAKER_01 33:51

He he's living in a world with grown-ups. He just wants to be included. That's all he wants. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 33:59

Alrighty. Um thank you everyone for listening, and um we'll see you next week for our next podcast. Thank you. Bye.

SPEAKER_03 34:10

Thank you, Roger.