Your Identity Is in the Comeback

Have you ever had a plan you were excited about, only to miss a few days and convince yourself you were too far behind to continue? That moment doesn't define you. What you choose to do next does.

In Episode 9 of Bold Clarity, we explore why your identity isn't built by being perfect—it's built by your willingness to come back. Learn how to let go of shame, stop believing the stories that keep you stuck, and reconnect with the person you're becoming.

In this episode, you'll learn:

  • 𝑊ℎ𝑦 𝑚𝑖𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎 ℎ𝑎𝑏𝑖𝑡 𝑑𝑜𝑒𝑠𝑛'𝑡 𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑔𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑠
  • 𝐻𝑜𝑤 𝑠ℎ𝑎𝑚𝑒 𝑘𝑒𝑒𝑝𝑠 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑔𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘 𝑜𝑛 𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑘
  • 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑑𝑖𝑓𝑓𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝑓𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓
  • 𝐴 𝑝𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑙 𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝑡𝑜 𝑟𝑒𝑏𝑢𝑖𝑙𝑑 𝑚𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑢𝑚 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟
  • 𝑊ℎ𝑦 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘 𝑠𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑖𝑑𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑡𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑠𝑒𝑡𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘𝑠
  • 𝐻𝑜𝑤 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑑 𝑜𝑓 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑤ℎ𝑜 𝑎𝑙𝑤𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝑟𝑒𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑛𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑠

💬 I'd love to hear from you: What's one area of your life where it's time to stop waiting for the "perfect Monday" and make your comeback? 
Share your thoughts in the comments below.

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𝗕𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝗮 𝗖𝗹𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗖𝗮𝗹𝗹:
https://calendly.com/aysia-bold-clarity/30min

𝗙𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗼𝗻 𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺:
@aysiapate 

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@boldclaritypodcast

𝗪𝗲𝗯𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗲:
bold-clarity.com

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#BoldClarity #PersonalGrowth #Mindset #SelfLeadership #Habits #Consistency #GrowthMindset #SelfDevelopment #Motivation #IntentionalLiving

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

Have you ever come up with a plan that you are so excited about? It's got that aligned action that we've been talking about all season, and you know exactly what it is that you're going to spend your energy on, and you do it with consistency until one day you don't. You skip a day, you skip a week, and you look up, and now the path seems just too far away for you to even get back on it. You don't know the next step to take, you don't know when to start, and you are overwhelmed with the thought of how behind you are. Have you ever felt like that? If so, this episode is for you. Welcome back to Bold Clarity, where we slow the noise, tell the truth, and make room for the people that we are becoming. We have spent so much of this season talking about our aligned actions, the well-crafted plans, the to-do list, the bold day method, all of these things that we put in place so that we can have a high level of intentionality around how we're spending our time. And that is so important, right? We need that direction, we need that plan. It helps us to make sure that we are going in a direction that leads us to who we want to be. And yet, we are human. And so sometimes we fall off, sometimes we miss a day. And the angst that you feel, and the overwhelm and the confusion and frustration can literally cause you to say, you know what? I'm done. I'm done with that habit. I'm done with this intentionality. I'm done with that plan that I came up with. And you can feel like your only option is to give up. That feeling is real. And if it hasn't happened to you yet, I can guarantee you it will happen. You will have a moment where you're really just not sure if you can get back on track. You're not sure if you can get back to being consistent. And I'm here to tell you today that the moment where you are questioning how you're gonna get back on track, and even if you should get back on track, is so important for your growth. That moment gives you an opportunity to make a decision to vote for who you want to be. Are you going to get back on track? And are you going to do the things that you know are so important for you becoming the person that you want to be, or are you gonna let it all go? And that moment happens more than once. Sometimes the moment may be small, sometimes it may be big. And we are going to talk through exactly what to do in those moments because they will happen, so that you can, without shame and guilt, get back onto your path that you've laid out for yourself. So this episode, we are going to talk about the moment that I think a lot of us don't want to talk about, which is what do you do when you fall off? Right? So we've got the systems, we've got the routines, we've got the habits, and what do we do when we have stopped, when we've come to a pause, we've come to a crossroad, we've we've gotten too off track. What do we do to get back on? And that decision that you make in that moment is honestly life-changing. And it's a it's a way that you're telling yourself that the person that you know that you want to be and that you deserve to be is so important that you're willing in those hard moments to remain committed. So the first thing that I want to talk about is the shame of it all. Okay. So a lot of us when these moments come up, right? And you've missed a week of the gym, um, you've missed waking up on time, you've missed reading for 20 minutes each day, right? Whatever the habit may be. In those moments, sometimes we feel so much shame around the fact that we've fallen off that it makes getting on track again feel impossible. It makes it feel like it's not an option, and that it would just be easier or better to just completely start over or to go down a whole different path to begin with. And the truth is that we all fall off, and those moments are important. Okay. Who am I cut that part out, please? The truth is that we all fall off, and those moments are so important for us to make a choice to get back at it. Um, I think sometimes we place a lot of value on what it means about who we are when we when we miss, when we skip, when we are off track. And those moments are not what defines you. What you do in those moments says a lot more about you than the moment even just existing to begin with. Um, and so I can think of several times in my life where I've had my beautiful plan, my beautiful to-do list, my beautiful calendar, and I fail, or what feels like failing, um, I fail at sticking to it 100% of the time, doing the things 100% of the time. I'm not perfect. And the thought that I would be able to do anything other than breathe 100% of the time is daunting and it's unrealistic. And so, why place shame on an expectation that honestly is unrealistic? Okay. So I've taken a lot of time to kind of sit back and think about what happens in those moments. What am I feeling? What am I thinking? And the times that I've been able to move forward and still in the direction that I want to move, what has happened. And so I'm gonna share with y'all a very real and raw moment for me. Um, and so actually, I'm just coming off of the cusp of this this moment. Um, so it's summer, right? When and um we went on a trip, which was a lot of fun. We came back from the trip and ended up moving. It wasn't like super planned. Um, and because of the fact that we went on vacation, um, I I definitely wasn't prepared to move. And then we scheduled or had another uh vacation scheduled, and so we went out of town again. Um, all of this happened within the span of about a month, and this is coming off of the school year ending. Um, this is within six weeks of me stepping down from my team leader position and and building out this business, and so in my mind, it's like go time. Like you right now, you show up, you've got things that you know that you want to do, and to be honest, the chaos of moving and traveling and packing and unpacking and flights really took a toll on me, and I fell off of my plan, right? I wasn't doing my my morning routines with consistency, I wasn't taking care of my body with consistency, and at the end of this time, right, when I'm back in town, we're in the new house, and I'm sitting here and I feel guilty. I feel like Asia, how did you let yourself get this behind? Your tasks, you've got a million overdue tasks, you've got people who are depending on you, you've got uh a business that you're building, you've got this life that you said you wanted so bad, and yet you have allowed life to get in the way. And I sat in that feeling for a while, right? Um, and I felt bad, I felt like a failure, I felt like there was no way I was gonna catch up. Um, and then it hit me. Like, girl, you are a human. And guess what? Life happens. And could I have planned better 100%? Could I have had some things in place that would, you know, help me to keep things flowing the way that I wanted to? Absolutely. And I fell short because I'm a human and that's what I do. And so instead of sitting in this shame and and essentially throwing myself a pity party, I came to a point where I said, I know it looks like it's gonna be impossible to get back on track. I know it feels like it would take too much energy. And what I know is that you decided that these are the things that are important to you. You decided that you wanted to be a person who lived a life of abundance, who had influence on the people around you, who set a positive example and supported the people in my life. That's who you said you wanted to be. So, guess what, girl? It does not matter that you fell off. Okay, that is not what defines you. What is going to speak to your identity is what are you going to do? And so I picked myself up. Um, and I sat down and literally made a list, like I always do, of all the things, right? And I got, what are the things that are overdue? What are the things that are upcoming? What do I need to rearrange? And I came up with my plan to get myself back on track in a way that is not too abrupt or aggressive, that I'm I'm setting expectations for me to do something that I'm realistically not going to be able to do, and in a way that didn't widen the gap between me and the path that I want to be on, right? And so in this moment, I thought, what are the things that are most important that I can breathe life into quickly that are going to re-energize me and get me back to my momentum, right? And for me, it was getting back on track with the podcast. It was getting my coaching, the group coaching launch it launched, right? Um, all of these things were were big, and there were ways that I could see, okay, you can do this, and that'll help over here, then you can do this, and then that's gonna help you. And ultimately, while it may not be tomorrow that you are back on the path where you wanted to be in terms of how far you are, and you'll at least be back on the path, you'll at least be back walking down to where you want to be. You will at least be able to say what I am doing today is aligned to who I want to be tomorrow, and that is a huge win, right? That is where the momentum comes in, and so I'm not special, I don't have any superpowers that that caused me to get back on that path. I acknowledged what was happening, and then I determined the actions that would be high impact, not only in terms of my results, but also in terms of my mindset, and then I got into it. And y'all, I feel so good. Um I want to point out that the comeback, that is the habit. That's the thing that I can commit to. That even when I fall behind, even when I am not exactly where I want to be, I know that I can come back. And acknowledging that and and really accepting it as truth is what will push you through these inevitable moments when you really feel like you are behind. Right? Like telling myself I'm too far behind, I can't, there's no way. Those were things that I was telling myself, right, in that moment of shame and guilt that really were not true. And I find that a lot of times the shame that we feel about what we're doing or not doing, um, we tend to magnify it and make it this huge thing that really isn't even accurate. And so another thing that I I think really makes a difference is for you to be able to call out what is real, right? And what is not. What story am I telling myself versus what's really happening? And a lot of us tell uh a really big story about shame or rooted in shame, a really big story about what it means about us that we missed or that we're behind. And that lie can be so dangerous because it will cause you to believe that there's no way for you to move forward where you want to go. And so again, uh another example. So I've got uh again coaching clients who they do happen to be in real estate, but I think this applies in a lot of a lot of ways, right? So I ironically am a very systematic person, right? Like I've got my spreadsheets, I've got my tasks, I've got my bold day method, all these, all of these things that I've set in place because I know that they help me to focus on what's most important, right? And I had some coaching clients who we'd been coaching, I don't know, maybe for just four or five weeks at this point, and their established agents who felt like they were hitting a ceiling. And so we'd been talking through mindset and their goals and and all this stuff, and ironically, at the same point in their journey with me, um, on on actually it was the same day in their two separate sessions, they both said to me, Ugh, what am I doing? I am so I'm I'm behind, I didn't do this, I didn't do that, I just don't even know, I don't even know what I'm doing. And they both literally told me I was laying in bed this morning and I just thought to myself, what am I even doing? They both said that to me. They both had the moment when they were alone where they were like, Ugh, I just I'm not where I want to be, right? Um, and it was so interesting because from my perspective, they were beating themselves up hardcore. Okay. Had they missed in some areas, absolutely. Was there room for improvement for sure? And had they made immense progress, yes. And this is where my systems come in, right? So I had trackers um for their activity, and in those moments after they had their big, oh my god, I'm doing horribly and I don't know what to do, and how am I blah blah blah blah, and I start from scratch. After that, I pulled up the tracker and I had us fill it out together, and I said, Oh, so you're telling me that in the last six weeks you've gone on four appointments, you've gotten three signed clients, and that's more than you did in the last three to six months in total.

unknown 19:35

Hmm.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

Interesting. And I'm just pointing out facts, I'm not even saying my opinion, right? What I found was when I brought them back to the facts, they were shocked. They were like, oh my gosh, wait, I am making progress. And the way that shame works is we it it tells us this false idea of who we are and why we can't, and and how much progress we haven't made. And sometimes you just got to bring yourself back to reality and say, no, no, no, no. Look at where I was, look at where I am, look at where I'm going. And that acknowledgement allows you to shut down that story that shame is trying to tell you that there's no way you're ever gonna catch up, there's no way that you're ever gonna get back on your path. You're too far behind to even find a way to move forward, right? Looking at the facts and letting that be the story has such a different impact. And going back to my own experience, right, of feeling so behind because vacation moved, vacation. I had a moment where I was like, oh my gosh, Asia, you do realize that it's only been six weeks since you stepped down from your position. Meaning it's only been six weeks that you've been fully dedicating yourself to building a business from scratch. That's progress. So, yes, are you behind where you thought you would be? Absolutely. But does that mean that you need to go back to start, that you need to go to another path? No, it doesn't mean that. There's value in you knowing that there most of the time is room to improve, right? Don't let that overshadow the truth about the gains that you've made. Because when you let that overshadow, that's When these moments where you have an important decision to make will feel impossible and daunting, and then cause you to make a decision to abandon what you already know. And I'll tell you what's really dangerous about this is sometimes it's not even how am I gonna get back on the path? Sometimes you convince yourself that this isn't even the path that you should have been on to begin with. And while you absolutely can have those revelations, and you know, you'll have experiences where you'll have experiences where you look up and you're like, oh gosh, I, you know, I want to be doing something else. This isn't it. When you have been intentional about who you want to be, and you've you've made your plan and you've committed to that, and you this is not just about what you want to do, it's about who you are, then chances are that this is this is the thing that you should be going for. This is the path that you should be on. And the story that shame tells you can can feed you a lie that that's not the path. And so for me, I even went back to okay, well, maybe I should like only do real estate and I'll just do coaching later. Or okay, maybe I should coach through somebody else's brand and their business and just abandon my my bold clarity coaching. And all of that came from me feeling like it was impossible for me to do the things that I already knew I really wanted to do, that I already knew were going to be evidence of the type of person I know that I'm called to be, and how scary would it have been if I would have listened to the shame, if I would have listened to the guilt, and if I would have truly believed there's no way I can get back on this path, and you know what, this isn't even the path for me. And so this moment is is is big, right? And I think the miss is not where your identity lives, the comeback is where your identity lives. That's what tells you who you are. That's what tells you what your values are. You missing a week of the gym does not mean that you are a terrible person and that you're never gonna be fit, and that you should just completely abandon your health goals. That's not what that means. You missing and then saying, Hey, here's what I'm gonna do to realign myself to being a healthy person, that tells you about the type of person that you are. Um, your identity is not about a streak, it's not about, oh my gosh, I did this a million times in a row and I had no hiccups. That's not what your identity is. Okay. Your identity is yes, the sum of decisions, and it's also real life and how you adapt to that and what you do in those moments. We're all gonna have things that cause us to get behind or to veer from our path, and who we are is evidenced by the choices that we make in those moments. You don't lose your progress or your momentum or your dedication from missing or skipping or slipping back. You lose that from quitting. You you lose that from deciding I'm done because I can't. That's that's where all of that positive energy gets lost, and you end up in a stagnant place or a place that you didn't want to be to begin with. By the way, guys, like much of what we talk about, this is not like a one-time thing. You're not only gonna have your one moment where you fall off and then you make the decision to come back, and then boom, you're good. This is gonna continue to happen in big ways and little ways, and some ways are gonna be because of your choices, some ways might be because of external factors. Regardless, this opportunity for you to make a decision to come back is going to present itself several times. I know we tend to think about, okay, I'll start next Monday. Okay, no, I'm gonna start the next Monday. And I remember I was on a call and they talked about like how many Mondays are in a year. Hey, if you are raising a child, like, and you know, you think about how many Mondays until they go to college, it's really not a lot, and so the danger in pushing off when you're gonna get back on track or abandoning and saying, you know what, I'm just not gonna do it at all. Um, it's so it eats up so much time that you could be spending um doing the aligned actions that will get you to be who you are. And so you don't need a fresh start, you don't need the perfect moment where the stars align for you to get back on track. All it takes is a decision and a commitment for you to say, my habit is gonna be that I come back. My habit is gonna be that in these moments where things feel daunting and scary and I don't know what to do, my habit is that I'm gonna come back. So, my my question for all of you, or what I want everyone to think about, is where are the areas in your life where you're waiting for the perfect scenario to get back on track? Where you're waiting for the next Monday, you're waiting for the next quarter. Where are those moments? And what will it look like for you to resume what you already started? What will it look like for you to get back on the path to being the person that you want to be and that you deserve to be? If this resonated with you, if you're like, yeah, Asia, you know what? I've had that experience, or maybe I'm experiencing it right now, right? And and you feel like you got value from this perspective and this conversation around being the type of person that has a habit of a comeback, please, please like, share, subscribe, send it to a friend. Maybe you have you know somebody who's in a moment right now and they might benefit from a little encouragement. Please send them this and tell them to give a a listen. If you're interested in partnering with me, then please use the link in my bio. Um, la la la la. If you're interested in partnering with me, please use the link to book a clarity call so that we can discuss how we can work together. And as always, be intentional. Okay, I cut all of that, Huma. That was terrible. Okay. You don't need the perfect moment, you don't need the perfect conditions to resume the work that you started. You don't have to wait on the next Monday or the next quarter. If you do that, you will spend