Season 2 Finale - Stop Editing Yourself

Have you ever held back something you wanted to say — not because it was the wrong time, but because you weren't sure you'd earned the right to say it? You've been editing yourself, and nobody asked you to. This episode is about what happens when you finally stop.

In the Season 2 finale of Bold Clarity, we get real about the difference between intentional boundaries and fear-based silence. This isn't a new lesson — it's a look at what your life starts to feel like when you stop compartmentalizing who you are and let your values walk into every room with you.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why you've been editing yourself and who actually asked you to
• The difference between wisdom and fear when it comes to holding back
• How to recognize evidence of your growth in everyday conversations
• Why the role was never the real thing holding you back
• What happens when your values stop clocking in and out
• How to look up and realize you're already the person you've been becoming

💬 I'd love to hear from you: Where in your life have you been editing yourself that nobody asked you to? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

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Website:
bold-clarity.com

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#BoldClarity #PersonalGrowth #Mindset #SelfLeadership #AlignedAction #Authenticity #GrowthMindset #SelfDevelopment #StopEditingYourself #IntentionalLiving

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:05

Have you ever felt like you're performing different versions of yourself depending on the room that you're in? And to be clear, I don't mean being respectful of people's boundaries and being aware of the space that you're in. I mean a fear of you showing up as who you truly are, the full version of yourself. You know you have something to offer and you just swallow it and shrink instead. If you've ever felt like that, this episode is for you. Y'all, I cannot believe that we are at season two, episode 10 of Bold Clarity. This has been such an exciting journey, and I have learned so much about myself and others in this process. And I originally planned to have somebody else come on this episode and kind of talk about them. And then I realized that I owed it to myself to stand proud and where I am in my journey to being bold and developing clarity. And so I am so thrilled to be able to share what my life has looked like with me really living out these things that are so important to me. And so today I'm gonna be sharing with y'all what happens when you stop editing yourself when nobody asks you to, by the way, and start fully walking in the best version, the real version of who you are. So this is gonna be a really cool conversation, and let's go ahead and get into it. So, season one, we talked all about kind of discovering who you are, right? Like what is really most important to you? What habits have you developed? What mindsets have you adopted? Um, just really getting to the core of what makes you you. And that process of self-discovery is so important, and it's also a difficult journey, right? You really discover parts of yourself that maybe you've been hiding for a long time. Um, and you know, maybe you're fearful of really exposing those parts. And so this season has been dedicated to how do you align who you are and what you're doing on a daily basis to reflect the version of you that at your core you know is genuine and your best self. And so I think that there's a lot of conversation around, you know, doing deep work and um adjusting your mindset and developing new habits. And all of that is so important. And to be honest, it can also get overwhelming and cause you to be in this constant cycle of pressure. And don't get me wrong, your journey to your best self is just that. It's a journey, it's not a destination, right? And so we are going to continuously be doing the work to be better, to grow. And yet, it's important for us to take the time to slow down and really survey where we're at, how we're showing up, what we're doing, so that we know that we are on the path to being our best selves. And so for me specifically, coming off of stepping from a role that I'd served in in the last three years and an organization that I worked with for the last five, almost six years, um, you know, I feel like I had a slight, not identity crisis, but a what do I do now crisis. I know what I want to do, I know who I want to be, but like how do I actually go about that, right? And enter season two. And so this process of really fine-tuning the way that I do things and the way that I have conversations has been hard. It is so much easier to walk around and just say, yeah, I'm gonna be the type of person that does X, Y, Z. And when it comes down to it and you're actually making the choices about what you're really going to do, it's hard. A lot of us find it easier and find comfort in just going back into our shelves and going back to what we know, even though what it's costing us is living our lives that we actually want to live and that really feel like us. And so there's so much um power in you taking the initiative to say, you know what, that's where I want to be. Here's how I'm gonna get there, and I'm gonna be committed to doing that. And this season we've talked about, you know, how you can fall off, right? And what it looks like when you make that decision to get back on your journey. We've talked about, you know, different routines and habits that you can implement to, you know, keep yourself on that path. And yet it's easy to forget to zoom out and really take a look around and see who am I really showing up as, right? Uh for me, I struggled so much, and to this day I still have my moments, with minimizing who I was for other people's comfort. And you know, the craziest thing about that is I was minimizing myself even though people weren't asking me to, right? Even though I saw other people around showing up authentically as who they were, there was something inside of me that said, nope, not yet. Nope, don't share that. Nope, don't say that. Nope, don't go into that room. Nope, don't ask that question. And you almost feel kind of trapped, right? Like you see what you want to do, you see how you want to engage with people, you see how you want to show up. And there's just this block that that gets in the way of you actually doing that. And today, what I want to talk about is actually something really exciting, and it is looking around and seeing the evidence that wait a minute, I am showing up as the full version of myself. There's something so freeing, so exciting, and also scary when you can look around and you can stand 10 toes down that you are yourself through and through, regardless of where you are. And um, I'm gonna share a few stories and and ways that I was able to look around and see, hey, this is how I'm showing up now. This is how I used to show up. I can see the growth, I can see that I am making some progress. I think that this is so important for you to acknowledge because without acknowledging it, you'll just continue to keep your head down, keep your head down, keep your head down, and can even beat yourself up without accepting and stating, wow, I am on my journey. So, um as always, I have a story to share. Um, so for context, I went to the same school from first grade to 12th grade. Okay. It was a small private school. I think there was like 110 people in our graduating class. Um, the majority of people, you know, when we got to senior year had probably been there since kindergarten. Um, and so it was a really tight-knit community and we really formed like genuine relationships with one another. Um, all that to say, I'm still friends with a lot of people of these people on social media. And so yeah, you know, we'll exchange comments here and there. Um, but typically I still have this weird thing where I'm like, if you respond to someone, they're probably gonna be like, what is this girl doing? Like, why is she talking to me? You know, I haven't seen or talked to her in okay, I'm not gonna do the math for when I graduated high school because that I don't know. It's been a while. But, you know, it's been over a decade um since I have interacted with some of these people. And so I'll have to say I was scrolling through Instagram one day, and one of my actually pretty good friends from when I went to school um posted that she was starting a business, right? And it's a very cool nonprofit that actually um I think a lot of her values align with things that are important to me. And so I saw her story on Instagram and almost just kept on swiping. And then I said, No, connect with her. And I can't remember exactly what the question was that she was asking, but she said, Hey, I'm starting this business, this is what it's about. Um, you know, here it is. And so I responded and I said, Oh my gosh, I would love to hear more. Mind you, have not talked to this person in a very, very long time. And the only reason I'm not saying her name is because I didn't ask for permission before. Um, but I'm sure she wouldn't mind, but I don't know. So, anywho, I am like, okay. So I reach out, hey, this is really cool. I love what you're doing. Um, I would love to connect. Ironically, this person actually is very encouraging to me on Instagram. Like she likes and comments and responds to a lot of the things that I post, and which is like so 100% her. She's always been like the really supportive friend. And so we, you know, exchanged a few messages and then we decided, all right, we're gonna, we're gonna chat. So the first thing that I was like, wow, I probably would not have done this if I would have listened to what was in my head and and and been shrinking myself is I would not have replied at all. Okay. And then we actually talked on the phone. And you know, sometimes where you tell somebody, like, oh yeah, we're gonna chat, and then it never happens. Um, that used to be me, okay? And so when the day came and my phone rang, I was like, oh wow, okay, we're really doing this. And so I talked to her, we talked for a while, had an amazing conversation. She's doing something so cool, she's so passionate about it. Um, it's really exciting. She was asking me about what I was doing, and it was really just like a life-giving conversation. And so we chatted and then we got off of the phone, and I said, you know what? There's a book that I think she should read, which is Story Brand 2.0, which, if you haven't read it and you are building anything, um, it's it's a great book. And so I said, All right, I'm gonna send her this book. And so I texted her um for her address, and then I said, All right, cool, like I'm sending you something in the mail. Like, I really love this book, it helped me so much. I hope that it's of value to you. And she said, Oh my god, thank you so much. I sent it to her, she got it, she texted me. Um, since then, we've maybe talked two or three times just via text. Um, but looking back, I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, there was something that I was passionate about that somebody posted. And even though this is somebody who I haven't talked to in forever, I said, I align with what she's doing. I want to talk to her. And then we actually had a long, very honest conversation. And then I sent her a book, a book, okay. And I noticed some of you listening, you might be like, okay, Asia. What I realized though is those were all things that if I don't know, five years ago you would have said, Asia, this is how you're gonna show up. These are the things that you would do, you're gonna do. I most certainly would have left, okay? Not because they weren't things that I wanted to do, but because I still carried around this thing that held me back and caused me to have a gap between who I wanted to be and what my actions were were showing that I that I was. And so I thought about it and I felt so much joy. Now, did I change this lovely lady's life? Highly doubt it, right? And did I have value? Did I have resources? Did I have um perspectives that I knew in my head would be beneficial to her? Absolutely. And old me would have said, okay, cool, keep that to yourself. Who are you to go and share something with somebody? What do you know? And yet, on this journey of aligning my actions, I did it. And it's not about um, it's not about me getting any sort of glory or any sort of appreciation or acknowledgement from something like that. Honestly, she probably could have said, Asia, do not send me that book. And I would have said, cool, and still have the same takeaways, right? It was about the fact that I had very clear evidence of me doing something that was something that I would want to do, that Asia, when she's her absolute best self, feels confident enough to share her resources, to share her thoughts, because guess what? They matter. And it was huge. And so I just was reflecting and thinking about how I felt in that moment and how I felt reflecting on it. And man, I don't ever want to live anybody else's version of my life other than gods and myself. Okay, like walking in who you are, huge. And it may not be, you know, a DM, it may not be, you know, somebody that you went to high school with. Um, it could be a complete stranger, it could be when you're in a in a meeting, when you are attending an event. The point is being able to stand on who you are and be so confident in who you are. Not confident in what not confident in how others are gonna perceive you, right? Because we can't control that, but confident enough that I know I can do X, Y, Z. And at the end of the day, I'm going to feel like that is a genuine reflection of me. And if I get that out of life, if I can wake up every single day and I can point to evidence that I am being Asia, the best Asia, I feel like life is good. Okay. So what's so interesting, and um I think maybe I did talk about this um a little bit when I um in earlier episodes of the season, I talked about how part of the reason that I, you know, stepped down from the position that I was in was because I felt like I couldn't fully show up as myself. Now, to be fair, when you're working in pretty much any organization, right, like there's certain guidelines and things that you adhere to, right? And so that's standard. And I felt like who I was at my core, the the things that were most important to me, the the way that I wanted to communicate with people, the standards I wanted to hold, I couldn't because of the role I was in. And what I realized in retrospect is that yes, there are again guidelines when you're working for someone else. And the role really was not, that wasn't what was holding me back. Okay. Um, what it really was, what the majority of it was, was myself. It was me getting really, really, really good at telling myself stories that Asia, you can't ask that question because this, this, and this. Asia, you can't share this strategy because this, this, and this. Asia, when you're on this meeting with this people, you just need to sit there and be quiet because they don't care about what you have to say about this, this, and this. Asia, if you show somebody how to do this, then they're gonna think, what does she know? These were ingrained in me. And the truth of the matter is, it did not matter if I was working for somebody else or working for myself, as long as I carried around the narrative that I just couldn't be myself, that was gonna be the case. And this was a really hard pill for me to swallow, to be honest, because the story that I kept telling everyone when they're like, oh, well, why'd you step down? Why'd you leave? Oh, I just feel like I really couldn't be myself. I could it and I couldn't, I really couldn't do the things that I wanted to do, right? That is not really what it was. Okay. And it's uncomfortable for me to acknowledge and to own that the reason that I was not showing up as my best Asia was also Asia. Yikes. Okay, it was me. It was me all along. Um the good news, the good news in that is that because it was me, I could also change it, right? And don't get me wrong, removing that external ceiling um was really helpful. And honestly, I don't think that I would have realized uh that it wasn't the role and that it was me had I not removed that external ceiling, okay? Because let me tell you, when you're building a business, your business, oh, trust and believe that who you are, it's at the front line, okay? Like that is what you have. It is going to show up, it's going to influence everything. And you can't look around and say, oh, well, I can't because this person's gonna think and no, no, no, okay. It's all you. So it's like, are you gonna be you or are you gonna be somebody else? Are you gonna be a version that you think somebody else wants you to be? Right? All over my head. Um, and what was really what has been really cool, because I'm gonna be honest, there are still moments where that fear creeps up, right? And I think Asia, just don't say that. Nobody wants to hear what you have to say, or you know, whatever. The difference is that I can name that fear and where it comes from accurately. So I can say, I am in my head, okay, and I'm going to work through it, versus, oh, I don't know. I just feel like, you know, they're just gonna think this. Those are total two totally different things. And um, interestingly enough, I had a conversation with one of my coaches, Teresa Flood, she's amazing, and I obviously started a business, y'all. And I've been so timid in certain environments when talking about the fact that I started a business and that I am a business coach that coaches experienced real estate agents who are very busy and doing the hard work but not getting the results that they deserve. I am very much that. That is very much the business that I am building. And yet I would be in rooms and people would ask, like, so what are you doing? And I'd be like, oh, well, um, I am starting coaching. And they'd be like, great, well, like, what's your what's your coaching? Well, you know, I'm just starting out and um I'm just like helping realtors, like realtors who like just, you know, maybe like they just need some more clarity and okay, just this this thing in my head that was like, you're not a business owner, you don't know what you're doing. Yeah, you know how to coach people, but do you know how to get people to coach? Do you know how to market yourself on social media? No. So are you really a business owner? Y'all, Teresa called me out on this several times, and what was great is that when she called me out, I could answer and tell her, I am in my head. It's me. I'm in my head. I need to figure out where this is coming from. I want to figure out where this is coming from. There's something, there's some block, and whatever. Okay, I also had the same conversation with one of my really good real estate friends. Y'all, I'm not blaming somebody else. It's not because of somebody's structure, somebody else's structure or how somebody else does their business. It's me. And again, it's fantastic because I can change that, right? I can decide, all right, so here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to tell five people what my business is. Okay. I'm gonna tell five people who I coach, right? I'm gonna have people who help me get really clear on communicating this, and then I'm gonna go out there and I'm gonna communicate it, and I'm going to build the confidence to say to people, this is what I do and this is what I'm passionate about. You see that process there? I acknowledge, hey, there's a gap. There's a gap between who I say I want to be and what I say I want to do and what I'm actually doing. I own that gap and say, wow, here's what I did to create that. And then I get to utilize my resources to figure out what to do to close that gap, and then I go do it. It is 100% on you. And whoa, okay. That's some real deep growth. That's real deep work. That's real shift, real, real identity work. And if you're not gonna do the identity work, who are you gonna end up being? I can tell you who it won't be. You're not gonna accidentally stumble into the life that you want. You're not gonna accidentally stumble into the person that you wanna be. This requires you to. Make the decision and own it and go do it. If somebody were to ask me today, you know, how's it going? Which y'all somebody actually did just ask me this yesterday. How's it going? How's business going? My answer is it is really hard. Okay. I'm doing really hard work. And I I don't think this is just applicable to um entrepreneurs, right? What I what I do say is I'm doing really hard work and I love it because it is worth it. And the reason that it is worth it is the work that I am doing is work that matters to me and that is going to cause me to continue to be on my journey to my best self. And by the way, y'all, I could have had that mindset and thought process doing any role, right? As long as the values aligned, right? But even if I'm working in somebody else's structure, there are plenty of businesses out there where I feel like even though it's not mine, I didn't create it, you know, we may not match on every single detail. I can say showing up here, yeah, that's that's aligning. And what other realization that I had is it's also not just about the professional side. I think my favorite thing about where I am now is that I can look up and how I show up in a, I don't know, a PTA meeting or at a PTA conference is the same way, or it's the same person that shows up on a coaching call, right? The continuity between who is present and and how they're present in in what I'm doing is so freeing. Um, and you know, I am putting myself out there and I'm putting myself on the line for people to judge and and whatever, but people are gonna judge you anyways. And so I'm sorry, I'd rather have somebody judge me for who I really am than have somebody judge me for somebody I'm pretending to be. That's just the truth, okay? Because to me, you judging me on a version of myself that is not even who I want to be, it's not even who I am at my core, that's a lose-lose. You can judge me all you want, and sometimes people judge me and they should, right? Uh, but at the end of the day, guess what I can say? I am being Asia and I am working on Asia. And when I do that, everything is connected. Every role that I have, every relationship that I have, every responsibility that I have, every conversation that I have, every opportunity that I have, all of it is connected to at a foundation left foundational level, who Asia is. What are the things that are most important to me? Right? I value love, I value integrity, I value growth, I value learning, and no matter where I am, I I can show that. I think in the very this is not in my notes. Um, I think in the very first episode of Bold Clarity, I mentioned that um, you know, what kind of caused me to go on this like self-discovery journey was that I was at a work kind of like team building event, and we were talking about what music we listened to, and I said, Yeah, I like most of the time I'm listening to praise and worship music. And my good friend who I'd worked with for years was like, What? Oh, that shocks me. I thought you were gonna say, like, I don't know what he said, but it was not praise and worship. And I remember that, like, oh, because I was like, Whoa, I don't need everybody to, you know, know me a hundred percent. I don't need everybody to on every level understand who Asia is. And for somebody who I'd worked with at that point for like four years, um, you know, and to be so shocked by something that was actually really important to me. Like, yeah, I listen to worship music pretty much nonstop. It is a way that I stay connected with God. It helps me to keep my mind in a positive place. Like 95% of the time that I am playing music, that's what it is. And no, I don't have to go and scream it from the mountaintops. And also, it made me nervous that me sharing that was so shocking to somebody that I was close with. And now I can say, I will talk about my faith to anybody, right? It's not a part of me that I'm afraid of. Um, it's not a part of me that I think needs to hide. And I remember even going on my uh branding journey when I was working with um an amazing marketing coach, Colette, um, that, you know, we were talking about like what is it that you want to show? You know, what are these parts of you? What are your values? And when it came to faith, um, I mentioned I want it to be, you know, strong and and known, but I don't want to like scream it. So I want like very, I think I said bold undertones of faith, right? And I can look right now, and y'all this came to me because I was listening my values, and I can I can point to several areas of my life where I can say there is a bold undertone of faith in in what you did there. And y'all, that feels so good to go from being shocked and borderline offended. And by the way, the offense was not from him calling me out, it was like I was offended by myself that something so important to me was not evident, you know. Um, so going from like that offense and almost shame of who I was and and being clear and competent in those things in every area of my life to now looking up and there's conversations that I have in PTA meetings where I can share things that you know I learned in a real estate mastermind that on a deep level are a reflection of things that are really important to me, and I start to see all these areas of my life just get connected and overlap with one another. And I just don't think I could ask for a better, I don't think I could ask for a better experience and a better realization of me living out who I want to be, than to be able to look up and see all of these different things connected by who I want to be. That is really and truly walking in bold clarity. Like I am clear on who I am, I am clear on who I want to be. I am clear on how that person operates, and I am bold enough to do it, to be that person. Yeah. So to anyone who is on your journey of growth, which again is a journey that there's no destination, I would really encourage you to look around and to look for the clues, to look for the evidence that your values that who you want to be is the person that you are in every space. I would look for the common thread. And when that common thread in every area of your life is a direct reflection of who you want to be, I hope you celebrate and I hope that you feel excited to continue to make those choices that will have that common thread. I hope that in sharing this, that what you can take away is that like this, I didn't describe any like huge dramatic moments, right? One of them was responding to a DM in a 45-minute conversation and sending somebody a book, right? Um the transformation, you'll miss it if you're looking for the big moment. When you're patient enough to look for the little moments, then it'll be so clear to you and so obvious that you are transforming. And that that's just such a special thing. Um you don't need permission to be who you are. Okay, you already have that permission. And if you're a person of faith, God already designed you to be exactly who you are, okay? And so know that you have permission. Do not edit yourself for other people's comfort and look for the little things, the little pieces of evidence. If this episode was um helpful to you, if you learned something new, if you walk away with a good takeaway, please share it with somebody who you think would benefit from listening. And remember that if you're interested in seeing how we can partner with one another in a more formal way, you can book a clarity call. Um, the link is in my bio. And y'all remember to stay intentional, be honest, and choose bull clarity.