Understanding Internal Hustle And Your Nervous System

Where are you moving fast? And where is the internal hustle running underneath it?

What would it feel like to build from a grounded place instead?

Your life can look calm and your body can still act like it is in an emergency. We get into the hidden reason so many midlife women feel exhausted, anxious, or stuck with stubborn weight and poor sleep even after they “slow down”: internal hustle, the nervous system pattern that keeps running long after the calendar clears.

We talk through the difference between external hustle (the packed schedule and constant doing) and internal hustle (the invisible bracing, mental tabs that never close, and the feeling that you are never quite enough). Along the way, we name what hustle can feel like in the body, including fight, flight, and freeze responses, and why masking can drain you even when you appear steady. We also connect the dots to what we see in real life symptoms and patterns that look like chronic stress, from depleted energy to dysregulated hormones and metabolism.

Then we offer the reframe that changes everything: hustle is not the pace, it is the internal state you move from. You can work hard without hustling. We share practical ways to build moments of safety and regulation, why rest supports productivity and longevity, and how identity shifts can keep the nervous system stuck until it gets new experiences, not just new information.

If you have ever thought, “Why can’t I rest even when I have time?”, this conversation is for you. Subscribe, share with a friend who is running on empty, and leave a review so more women can find a healthier way to build a life they love.

Connect with Amy Wilford on social media at @amywilfordhealth, or on her website at wholebodyharmonycoach.com

Connect with Heather Fontenot on social media at @embodiedrejuvenation, or on her website at embodiedrejuvenation.com

Transcript

Welcome And Core Premise

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to the Body Drama Shift, where we move from confusion to clarity without guessing. Because your body isn't broken, it's communicating. If you're a woman in midlife dealing with stubborn weight, low energy, mood swings, or poor sleep, you're not imagining it and you're not alone. I'm Amy, creator of Whole Body Harmony.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

And I'm Heather, creator of Embodied Rejuvenation. Together we help you decode your symptoms by addressing both biology and the nervous system. Because real change happens when both are in alignment. Let's shift. Hello

Heather’s Hustle Story Starts Inside

SPEAKER_00 0:41

and welcome to the next episode of the Body Drama Shift. In the last episode, Amy walked us through what hustle does to your body: the hormones, the gut, the metabolism, the systems that silently start breaking down when we stay in constant go mode. Also, I said that I would share my story, my hustle story. Before we dive in today, I'll just share a little bit of that story. So Amy and I's conversation about hustle sparked for me reflecting on a question that a friend asked me about hustle. So my story with hustle, when when I was reflecting on it, uh I was I was thinking about the states of our system. So my internal state, when I have a calendar full or a life full of things to do. So that may seem like hustle to some people. I have all these things to do. Maybe I'm building my business, building a program. I have things with my family going on, all these places to be. But internally, that might not feel like hustle to me. Or it may feel like hustle to me. It might feel overwhelming. It might feel um draining. It might feel like there's this internal dialogue running of I'm not enough. Um, I can't get all of this done in this timely manner. So um, so when I think about hustle, I think about what's really going on in my internal system and internally. Am I approaching my life from a grounded, nourished um resource place? Or is there this feeling inside internally of chaos, of running, of anxiousness? So for me, um, when I was reflecting on that question about when the friend, my friend asked me, and I talked to Amy about it when I was reflecting on that question about hustle, that is what came up for me.

Why Rest Still Feels Impossible

SPEAKER_00 2:51

So in this episode today, we talk about, we're gonna talk about internal hustle and external hustle. Because here is what I see in my work. Women clear the calendar, they take vacation, they step back from commitment, and the exhaustion follows them anyway. That's because the hustle, the hustle we're talking about today is not in your schedule, it's in your nervous system.

SPEAKER_01 3:15

And this is a piece that I keep coming back to. And I come back to it frequently because I see this in my clients all the time. They're women whose labs look like chronic stress, even when their life looks calm on the outside. And they'll tell me my life really isn't all that stressful. I don't know why I'm feeling this way. And then also, as Heather, as you were just talking, it was coming up for me like the word hustle in itself, like how my body feels when I think about hustle. And it's like that tensed up feeling, like just that word triggers my body in a way that's not comfortable. And so I'm really looking forward to you talking about helping us understand why things can look like chronic stress, even when our life kind of looks calm on the outside.

SPEAKER_00 4:07

And I love that you brought that up too, Amy, because like for your body, it feels like that contraction, right? Like, and for me, hustling feels like this overwhelm and the sensations that I feel internally are like this almost like static. Like the only word I guess I can use is anxiousness, but the sensation is more like my heart is racing. I feel like I want to run. And I think that's important to name too, because everybody, and and I know you value this in your work, and I value this in my work so much too, is that everybody um we we look at everybody as an individual. So everybody's system responds in a different way. And that can be to hustle as well.

unknown 4:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

You want to ask some about that?

SPEAKER_01 4:55

Yeah, I was just thinking, you know, you were talking about wanting to run away, and it's that whole fight or flight that I talked about in the last episode. And, you know, people also talk about fight, flight, freeze. You know, freeze is another response that you can have when you feel that hustle overwhelm is like you just want to freeze where you are and not move. So all of those things most definitely play in.

SPEAKER_00 5:19

Yeah. And today we'll talk more about like internal and external, but I do think maybe that's um that's worth talking about in an episode, like what those what those internal states are, because some people might not know like the difference in those and what happens in their nervous system. Yeah. For sure.

External Hustle Versus Internal Hustle

SPEAKER_00 5:40

So when we talk about two kinds of hustles, um, we're talking about external hustle today and internal hustle. Um, external hustle is what everyone can see. So the packed calendar, the overcommitment, always available, always producing, always on. But internal hustle is invisible. It's the mental tab that never closes, the feeling of never quite arriving, building something real and still feeling like it's not enough, like you're not enough. It's the anxiety underneath the achievement, the bracing underneath the smile.

SPEAKER_01 6:15

Yeah. And that also brings me to like the bracing underneath the smile. Like that's what they call masking in my school psych world, where like you pretend everything is okay on the outside, but internally nothing is okay. And just from the episode last episode, too, just talking about how much energy that takes. And so we wonder why we're so exhausted and tired all the time. Well, that's part of it because all of that pretending everything's okay takes a lot of energy. So, you, as Heather said, you can remove all the external hustle. You can clear the calendar, you can take the sabbatical. But if that internal hustle is still running, then you're still in that survival mode. And that's what I see in labs all the time, those cortisol patterns that are always in chronic stress, minerals depleted, hormones dysregulated. And this is even in women who feel like they've slowed down on the outside. It's the inside stuff that's still out of whack for them. Um, and so our body responds to that internal environment, not just the external one. And a little bit of just my own story is that at work, I would frequently have people tell me, Oh, Amy, you seem so calm. Like everything, like even when things are chaotic, you always seem so calm. And I always think, Well, wait, I'm glad I seem calm to you, but inside, like, I am not calm at all. And again, I think I've just gotten really good at masking when I don't feel calm because I don't want other people to see that I'm not.

SPEAKER_00 7:53

Yeah, and think that's that's part of the work, right? Like to meet ourselves there, because I can so relate to that. Like, I would show up. I I remember somebody telling me too, like, you're so steady. You're so steady. And I'm like, oh, I don't feel steady because internally everything feels like like when you use that chair and all analogy, right? It's like, oh, it's all wobbling on the inside.

SPEAKER_01 8:20

And then uh everything feels like it's on fire.

SPEAKER_00 8:23

Yeah, yeah. So um, yeah, like underneath your nervous system is running a very old pat program. And one that says, keep going, keep proving, keep earning your your place internally. That is those signals are telling your body that it is not okay to to pause, to rest, to to be. So here's

The Reframe: State Over Speed

SPEAKER_00 8:49

the reframe hustle is not about how much you're doing, it's about the internal state you're doing it from. You can be fully booked, leading a team, launching a program, running the kids everywhere, um, band concerts, soccer games, all of these things, your schedule pactful um and be completely grounded while you're doing it. Or you can be doing very little and be in total internal hustle. Anxious, bracing, never fully present. The hustle is not the pace, it's the perception. So I can remember a time. I was telling Amy this, I can remember a time whenever I would sit down on the couch and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna rest. Whether, whatever that looks like. And I would feel internally that my body was still moving. Like, and then these thoughts would come, right? I felt the sensation in my body, it's still going. Like I can't fully arrive there. We said that earlier, and I think that explains it the best. Like, I can't fully just be here. And then the thoughts come, oh, I should be doing the dishes, or I should be doing the clothes, or I feel guilt because I don't have these things done. So it's like we have to approach that in a different way. Um, we have to we have to really dig into that and see what like what is happening there, and then help the nervous system to feel safe. Because it at that time it's like Amy said earlier, it's stuck on flight or fight or freeze. Do you want to add anything to that, Amy?

SPEAKER_01 10:32

Yeah, I just think that that it's really freeing to hear some of these things because the goal isn't to stop growing and stop doing the things that we want to do or that we know we need to do. The goal is to do it from a different place within our bodies instead of that hustle, stress, heart racing, clenched fist, shoulders, all of those things, and to approach our lives from a body that is nourished and feels safe. And when we create from that place of safety and nourishment, then everything's better. Our energy is more sustainable, our mind is clearer, our decisions are sharper. And the things that we are doing, we're able to do them so much better because we're coming from that different place. Because our bodies and our brains perform better when it doesn't feel like it's in that fight, flight, or freeze mode. And that rest makes us even more productive because we've given us ourselves that space to just chill and be present and focus. And

Rest As Longevity And Focus

SPEAKER_01 11:39

one example of something that I do is that my coworkers and I take a walk during lunchtime. Our building is set up perfectly where there's this loop around the whole building. And we use our lunch break to go out and walk. We move our bodies, we get fresh air. And then when I come back in the afternoon, I am way more present and focused on and productive on those tasks that need to be done.

SPEAKER_00 12:03

Yeah. Um, I think too, what I really want to express in this episode is that there's a version of yourself that can feel nourished, sustained, and grounded while you are building the life that you want. Um, whether that be, you know, like we said, creating a program, or whether that be um being present with your kids or um creating uh a change in your health routine. We can do that from a place of sustainability, of a place of nourishment. And we can also rest from that place and not it doesn't everything doesn't have to stop. I notice this whenever I do intakes with people. Like I'll ask the question, do you ever rest? And they're like, I don't even know what that looks like. I don't know what that looks like, I don't know what that means. I don't know, yeah, I don't I don't even know how to do that. So I think that um when we say rest, and a lot of people think that to rest, we like have to fully stop. And like you said in the walk, Amy, like that's a moment of rest, a moment of pause, just to step away from everything to return back to yourself.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

Yeah, and I've heard people say, Oh, I'll rest when I'm dead. I'm too busy. I don't have time to rest, I'll rest when I'm dead. But I want to reframe that in terms of like, okay, but if you don't rest and you don't take care of your body, you might be dead a lot quicker than you would have otherwise. Like this isn't just about rest, it's also about longevity. Like we need rest in our lives in order to live longer and fuller lives.

SPEAKER_00 13:50

Yeah, and I think too something worth bringing up, and maybe we dive more into this on another episode. But like when you when you said that about walking with your coworkers, you know, um our nervous system is are always co-regulating. So the environment that we're in, the people that we're with, um, we can uh impact their nervous system and they can impact ours. And I think um that's important to discuss too. Uh like maybe we dive deeper into that on another episode. But when you brought that up when you said that about like walking with other people um and like creating that environment, our our environment also shapes when we talk about hustle, right? Our environment also shapes that too. So if we can be around people who are sustaining themselves, nourishing themselves, being present, that is supportive for our nervous system too.

SPEAKER_01 14:50

Yeah.

Internal Hustle As Identity Pattern

SPEAKER_01 14:51

So I'm curious, Heather, if internal hustle isn't about how full your life is, just to bring us back to the internal versus external hustle. So if it's not about how full our life is, then what is it actually about?

SPEAKER_00 15:04

Um, internal hustle is an identity pattern. So it's not something we do, it's something we believe. We said that earlier, right? That perspective. So about who we think we should be, about how we should perform, about what makes us worthy of taking up space. And that belief doesn't only live in our thoughts, it lives in our bodies. It's in the way we hold our breath before we speak, the way we brace when someone might be disappointed, the way we can't fully rest because some part of us is always waiting for the other shoe to drop. That's not a mindset problem. That's an identity held in the body.

SPEAKER_01 15:44

And this is what I see a lot, and what comes up for me as far as that goes is that I feel like women, and I've been guilty of this too. I think we all are, is that we don't know how to let go of that internal hustle because it's been a part of who we are for so long. So, like, who am I if I'm not stressed and I'm not hustling? So it's like you said, that identity piece, and we don't necessarily know how to be without it. It's like this missing piece. And I'm kind of feeling like that with retiring from my school psych role. Like, okay, if I'm not a school psychologist, then who am I? So it's that identity I've had for 28 years. I've been a school psychologist. I've been a school in school as either a student or an employee since I was three years old. So that identity shift is real and it's hard to let go of that. And so one of the things I've learned from Heather is that the nervous system doesn't change just because it has new information. You have to experience it and give it practice in making that change. And it's a work in progress. It's not something that happens overnight. But we can do that by giving ourselves actual moments of safety, those repeated moments, so that we can actually have that shift in our body.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

Yeah. And this is why you can know intellectually that you are enough and still not feel it. The body is still producing a stress response. So it's still running on that old pattern because it hasn't had a new experience yet. It hasn't felt safe in a new identity. So, kind of like you said, Amy, like when you leave your school psych job and you you step into your own business, you know, it doesn't your nervous system doesn't have that experience yet of holding what that what that's gonna be like. That's something new. And so if we can give our nervous system moments of safety, experiences of safety, then when we do step into that, that big shift, we might feel more supported.

SPEAKER_01 17:50

Yeah. And even though retiring is it's new, yes, like you said, but it's also really exciting and it's something that I'm looking forward to so much. And I can't wait to run my business full time. Like it's so exciting, but it's also again like that big shift. So it's like this internal struggle of like, am I happy and excited, or am I kind of sad and not sure and uncomfortable with leaving what I've known for so long?

SPEAKER_00 18:20

Yeah, and who you are, who you are, who you were then, and who you are going to be.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

Recognizing too that I'm not completely, completely letting go of that identity. Pieces of that are always gonna come in because what I do is very related. The two things are very closely connected. So I I'm always gonna be a school psychologist just because I'm not actively in a that job. So you don't have to completely let go of an identity in order to create a new one.

unknown 18:52

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 18:53

Yeah, and that's what we you know. That's why I like the word experience so much. Same. Because you still get to be with that that part of your identity who who shaped you, and then experience the new identity as well.

SPEAKER_01 19:10

So

New Experiences Rewire The System

SPEAKER_01 19:11

you can work hard without hustling.

SPEAKER_00 19:13

Yes. Yes. And you can't think your way into a new identity, it has to be felt. The nervous system needs new experiences, not new information. I think, and I think for me that was such a big um maybe aha moment. Like we're always bombarded with so much information. And I think for me too, it was important. It's important in this podcast for yes, we want to give you information, we want to teach you new things, we want to expand your mind, but also um we we're overloaded with information. So I think this work kind of shifts that you have the experience, and then things shift. Does that make sense, Amy? Yeah, totally. So um, yeah, it needs to feel the nervous system needs to feel what it's like to rest and still be enough, to set the boundary and still be loved, to build at a sustainable pace and still be successful. Those felt experiences are what rewire the pattern. And that's the work. So I want to speak directly to the woman who is afraid that if she softens, she'll lose her edge, become complacent, stop achieving. Groundedness is not the opposite of ambition, it's the foundation of it. The woman who feels safe in her own body, who is living from a nourished place, she is more creative. She is more present, and she is more effective in every room that she walks into.

SPEAKER_01 20:59

And I think that's what we all want. We want to be able to be creative, to be present, to be effective in rooms that we walk into. We want to impact lives and relate regulated nervous systems, improve so many other things too. Your cognitive functioning, your ability to make decisions. How many times have you made a decision and been like, oh, I didn't think that through? Like it helps us to step back and make better decisions. It helps with our emotions, all of those things that actually create a sustainable, successful life and allow us to make that impact that we want to make on those that we love and those around us.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

Yeah. So the invitation isn't to do less, it's to come home to yourself while you do it, to create the life that you love and feel like yourself the whole time.

Reflection Questions And Closing

SPEAKER_00 21:51

So today I would like to invite you to sit with these questions or this week. Where are you moving fast and where Is the internal hustle running underneath it? What would it feel like to build from a grounded place instead? You don't have to earn rest. You don't have to outrun something to prove you're enough. You already deserve rest. You are already enough. That's not just slowing down. That's creating from the inside out. Your body isn't broken. It's waiting for you to support yourself from the inside out. We'll see you next time on the body drama shift. If you would like to reflect on the questions provided in this episode, check out the show notes and you can find ways to connect with Amy and I there.