Zainab’s Story: She'd Been Deaf Her Whole Life. Finding Out Set Her Free.

In South Asian families, disability is often the thing no one names. Zainab lived that reality — moving through her early years deaf, undiagnosed, and surrounded by a culture that mistook her silence for something else entirely. This is the story of what it costs to go unseen, and what it means to finally find yourself on your own terms.

Transcript

Speaker 0:00

Zee, we have this whole planned schedule for today, and I am sorry. I know you don't like to be pot off hard, but I think this is really important to talk about. So many people, yeah. Yeah, people do not know that you were born deaf.

Speaker 1 0:15

Hmm. Oh, we're going there.

Speaker 0:17

Yeah, well, we are going there. Of course we're going there. You were born deaf, but you didn't know you were deaf until you were 20.

Speaker 0:25

Correct. That is correct. That is correct.

Speaker 0:27

So before I get into all the questions I have for you, sorry, but we're just gonna do it. I want you to tell a little bit about tell our listeners what a little bit about how that happened, how it came about, and what your life was a little bit like before.

Speaker 1 0:45

So I was born in Pakistan. Uh my parents moved to Africa. And so that's where I had my, I would stay, you know, like from eight years all the way until my high school was in Africa. And we traveled quite a bit because my father was in the banking industry, so we moved around in South Central Africa quite a bit. And I don't know how to actually put this into words because when you don't know what you don't know, it's very hard to define, right? So I did not know I was deaf. I thought what I was experiencing was very normal. So I often found myself looking at people's mouths to understand what they were saying. So I learned to lip read when I didn't have the language for it.

Speaker 1:36

You didn't even know lip reading was a thing.

Speaker 1 1:38

I did not know. I thought that was normal. I hate to say this because now that we're actually having a real conversation, I filled every school, every grade. I still remember report cards, and I have them, just for the record, I will tell you. And no, don't make me cry, because most of my report cards would have comments from my teachers saying, ever absent-minded. Because they thought I was not paying attention in classrooms. So I failed and failed and failed and failed. And now this is very hard when you come from a family of high achievers. My father was one of the most successful bankers in Africa, did phenomenally well. So to be his elder daughter and um, you know, not live up to that expectation, you know, it was really hard. It was really, really hard. And God bless my dad. I mean, he's no longer with us, but he really had very high expectations of his kids, you know, that all three of them, he he really dedicated himself to educating us, like, you know, giving us the best of class education, you know, putting us through boarding schools, and you know, it we had the bestest time. But I felt like I couldn't make a veil of that opportunity because I didn't know that. So my life was spent, you know, trying to lip read, trying, and I did not even know why I was failing. Because as far as I was concerned, I was, you know, coming home and I had extra tuition. The only one in my family with extra tuition, I never had any time off from anywhere, you know. So my brother and sister ended up making friends and like, you know, doing well in their school. They're both younger than me. But for me, it was a very different bringing up. So I always felt like I was trying to catch up to something, not realizing, you know, that I had that deficiency. You know. So that's what it was like on that end. And then um when I came to university, one, it was really difficult to get into university because my grades were not good. I remember I failed a lot. So I did my A levels and O levels, like I think probably two or three times in Africa before I got in. And I didn't get into the school I really wanted to. And up all schools, it was an engineering school that I went to, which was not really my cup of tea, but I ended up there, I ended up flunking everything. You know, I was on probation every year. Every year. And it was a lot of tuition, you know, and my parents couldn't understand why I wasn't making it through. And I remember the day before I was to actually walk the graduation ceremony, my parents were here. It took me five years to actually get through my bachelor's degree, and I had a 1.9 GPA in philosophy. Not even in from an engineering school, I had to be downgraded to philosophy and kind of like, you know, go through, you know, exchange programs to get it all done. And I didn't know if I was gonna walk. And then I walked into Dean's office, and I don't know, I had to beg him, and they were kind enough to like take extra credit, you know, uh exams, and somehow I made it. Okay. That summer I realized I had no job. Everybody in my class, graduating class, received a job offer well before, you know, their graduation, which is the way things work. I did not have one, so I ended up with a TA position within my school because now I wanted to go to master's because nobody would hire me. Within three days of being in that position, I found out the, you know, it was a revelation for me because I did not know that I actually had a problem. So my professor said to me, I think we have an issue. Here's a card. You gave me a card to an ENT, and for, you know, for the love of God, I had no idea what an ENT was. You know, throat doctor for listeners. Correct. And he said, "You, I made an appointment for you. You need to go and see this this doctor." And I'm like, Okay, why am I going to a doctor? So I went down the street in Hoboken and you know, went to see the audiologist. And I remember coming out of the booth after like a 30-minute exam, you know, like they put in that, you know, their hearing booth. And the first thing she said to me was, How old are you? And I said, 24. And she said, How did you get through your life without support? And I had I still had no idea what she was talking about. Still had no clue what she was talking about. So then she said, Okay, this is what I'm gonna do to you. You know, she started doing the molding, and I didn't know what they were for. Like I was so so much of an idiot. I had no idea what that was. I really did not know because I hadn't seen these things. You had no idea what was what was lacking. Correct, I did not. And I really want to smack myself because I did not know. And then about a week later, you know, I had to pay her $5,000 for my very first of first pair of hearing aids. And when she fitted them in, the world changed. Yeah, the world really changed. And then she said, and then when she read the reports to me and she said, When I say this to you, what do you understand? So she said, uh the and the her phrase was, when I say that you your language, your uh hearing capacity is two out of you know, two of the ten words, what does that mean to you? I said, I have absolutely no idea. She said it means that you pick up two words out of the ten. And I'm like, what? There is such a thing like that. She said, Yes, that's how you have been doing it. You've been like you are able to even pick up from lip reading two words out of ten. That's how you got through your life. So how did you not know that? And I said, I absolutely had no idea.

Speaker 7:35

And 24, I mean, 24 is almost two and two and a half decades. That is all right. And you've already in very primal years that you start developing the person you are. Correct. So now you suddenly can hear. But you lived so much life at that point. Correct.

Speaker 1 7:51

And it was a very difficult life because there was, you know, all I remember is even through the lip reading, a lot of name calling. You know, you be he, you know, you sunni sec be meaning she cannot hear or she must be deaf or something. I mean, like, you know, like people, you know, in our culture are not very kind. Right. You know, and the terminologies and the the language that they would put on me, the pressure, it was it was difficult. But then at least at that point, I had no idea what it was. So I just thought, okay, they were basically cursing me.

Speaker 8:25

So psychologically, how did you or did you have to race back, go back, and redefine your life? You'd already you were a person, and now you have a new uh to me, it's very, very impressive. But how did you backtrack in your life and kind of reintroduce yourself to you?

Speaker 1 8:45

Was that something that it was very difficult because now I imagine this, like, you know, having those hearing aids. Okay. The first day I went home with the hearing aid, I could hear the toilet blush, I could hear the doorknob, I could hear the phone ring. I heard people talking in a different room. Um, and I remember calling home. You know, I was here in in in New York, and I remember calling home and I told my mom my dad wasn't there. And the next day my mom called me, and her words were, Your dad cried last night. And I said, Why? And she said he did not realize that this is what he was keeping you from. And I cried and I said, you know, it was really not my parents' fault. I mean, like, you know, when you don't know, then you don't know. Because I mean, parents back then, I guess, were never really trained to be, you know, be able to assess those kind of things, right? Like today's parents are much more aware and they're they kind of know, and there's so many, you know, medical support available back then. I mean, you're in Africa, like you're in a third world country, like you really don't know a lot of this.

Speaker 9:53

When you found out, you know, finding out now having a new sense. I mean, like you're describing, the toilet flush, all of these minor things that so many people take for granted, in my opinion, that can be a negative too. Was it ever challenging to go through from not being able to hear to now being here able to hear everything? How did you mentally and emotionally deal with that?

Speaker 1 10:17

I tell you that from that point until that was now, I think, 1996. So I went from 1996 into 2000, the year 2002. Very difficult. That was a very difficult phase of my life, and I don't think I've ever spoken about it to even my family because one, you're happy that you've now kind of found out what's wrong with you, and that it's not your fault, but this is the way you're born. So now you're trying to figure out is there any way you can fix yourself? So I went through a lot of tests to see I could go for, you know, an implant or you know, something could be done for me, but I kind of failed at everything. I did not qualify for it. So it is what it is. I was born this way, and I had to, you know, I was told, well, this is the way you're gonna be for the rest of your life. There's nothing you can do. So celebration in one way that now I know, but the other part was like the loss of like so many valuable years. Yeah, you know, and then the psychological effect of okay, I epping, excuse my French, failed everything all my life. I could have been here really successful, and I couldn't because I was I had a drawback for 24 freaking years. Now what do I do? That whole like making of my life, my adulthood where I could have transformed and I could have been the best talented professional, the time was gone.

Speaker 11:41

Looking back on those years before you found out. You have siblings and you've mentioned how high achieving your family was. And what did you think sitting amongst your siblings were doing so well? What did you think of yourself when you couldn't pass the grades when you weren't doing well? Did you use the word dumb or did you I don't like that word for medically, I don't like it, but because we know people have limitations that are like you, they're not discovered yet. But how did you feel about yourself going through that before you knew you were duff? Did you ever feel like you were, I'm so sorry?

Speaker 1 12:13

No, I just felt inadequate. Inadequate. It's almost shameful because you know, in our culture, if you're not an engineer, not a lawyer, not a doctor, you're basically not getting out.

Speaker 12:28

Yeah.

Speaker 1 12:28

Right. And so to see your siblings succeed and your father being at that, you know, at that level, um it really did take a toll on me. You know, it did. Because there's so much that adds to that. Like, you know, because I'm saying to myself, okay, I wish I was pretty enough that nobody would notice this, you know, that I'm failing. Because again, I did not know my physical limitations, right? So I'm saying to myself, all right, so I'm obviously stupid because I am not good in my education, you know, so but I I'm not that pretty. I, you know, and because the other thing is, and this is where I hate the fact og kya kahengel bothers me, you know, because everything in our culture is about, you know, light skin, you know, delicate features, you know, being slim. So I'm like, God, like, you know, so you made me stupid, and then you also didn't give me the looks.

unknown 13:26

Yeah.

Speaker 1 13:27

So it's the psychological toll that it takes on you. That's what I was living with up until 24.

Speaker 13:36

Yeah.

Speaker 1 13:37

Trying to understand, like, where where could I make this happen?

Speaker 13:42

And that's years of you know, it's many years later that you found out, but that's so many years you had to backtrack to remove how much you beat yourself up. Correct. And that it must have been a challenge in itself. I have one question. Did you ever, and I don't mean to offend anyone on your family by saying this, but did you ever, when you found out, get angry for a moment at your family and the people around you who maybe never investigated further or never maybe gave you the op you thought about it deeper. Were you ever angry angry at people?

Speaker 1 14:14

See, like I could be angry at my parents, but I'm not, because I think they also did not realize it. Okay. If they did and they kept me away from it, that would have been a different thing, right? But they didn't know what I didn't know. I mean, they didn't know what they didn't know, and I didn't know what I didn't know until like I got to 24, right? But um it it was it was difficult. But what made me really angry was with the name calling, of course, you know, the labeling, you know, growing up. Because I don't even know half the things that my parents know of what people were calling me, because I could lip read at a big distance and I could tell you what somebody was saying. It just was just built into me. And like my aunts, you know, my own family, my aunties were c labeling me. You know, my uncles were labeling me. I I saw all of that. It's not that I heard it, I saw all of that, like you know, physically saw it, physically witnessed it. So if those those moments really make me very, very sad. Of course, you know, because people had no compassion, you know, for when you're growing up. There is such high expectation, the demands that are put on us to be perfect and to be to be everything for everybody, the conditioning, and like if you don't need those norms, you're basically nobody, you're the outcast. So it was a very difficult, very difficult time. So the struggle was real, but the sad thing was that I really could not translate it to anybody because nobody would get it.

Speaker 15:49

You know, I find, and I don't know all the details, but I found, I find it from the medical perspective, that you find out you're deaf, and then where you how much you I mean, you're very successful, you're a great person, you have probably done so much internal growth. And those years that you found out you were deaf, some people in your position, and I don't want to speak for someone because I don't have a disability, but I I feel like some people may have progressed and it the whole world is now new. The person they were is brand new, and they get stuck in that. And I don't know if that was you, but how did you turn this into a positive and grow? Because for me, I feel like if I had found that, I feel like I would have been so angry and just stuck in a spot. It would be hard to really develop a new identity because so much of your identity was already created based off of your ability, your you'd be nice.

Speaker 1 16:41

I think you know, I um in my growing up, and of course, like everybody's parents are very loving, and like, you know, people love their parents, um, my dad was my role model of success. Like, I mean, he was a brilliant person, Jemfer person, and may God bless him. But he was a true role model. So when I found out about, you know, like up at the age of 24 and now what I had to do, I really played catch up. Yeah. In the effort to please him, you know. So that is what I and the sad thing about this is he's no longer with us. I wish he'd hear seeing or live enough to see where I am. The point that I got to, you know, that's what I wanted to have him witness because he was long gone, you know, when I got to this point. You know. So for me, it was less about being angry and more about catching up and like, you know, uh filling in that gap and like looking at everything that I needed to do and like, you know, getting there and like, you know, having the grit to do it. Yeah. You know, that is, I think, what I experienced with my dad and what I learned from him. And with like when he passed on, like the way people talked about him, and I said, you know what? That's what I want to be. So I had no time to kind of sit down and take it all in and like be, you know, be sorry for myself. And I'm glad I didn't go down that path because that would not have helped me. You know, I'm already 24 and there's so much pressure, like, you know, getting married, getting a job, and interesting dealing. So what it was very interesting time in my life. And so, you know, talking to people about this emotional upheaval was not ideal.

Speaker 18:29

You know, you said something that I didn't have the time. I don't think it's that you didn't have the time, it's not who you are. You're not someone who just sits and follows a misery into that. And I've seen that now with hearing more about your life and living with it, you've been the part of it now. But the year, the time period is very interesting too, culturally. Yeah. That early 20 years old, and now we're kind of some moving target here. But traditionally, culturally, in your early 20s, you are kind of you may still be in grad school or college, but the conversations around you are now about marriage, getting married, moving on. And that's an interesting year and time period for you to find so much potentially, maybe a new identity you now can hear. Right. How were the conversations about marriage, if you don't mind me asking how oh, absolutely.

Speaker 1 19:11

Like, I mean, the worst of my life, I will tell you, because so when I had my hearing aids on and now I can hear the world, I can conquer the world. So back then those hearing aids had these little plastic pull-ups, like you know, so you have to hold them and then pull them out. And they almost look like antennas, you know. And uh so I asked my audiologist, I said, Listen, I can't have these things show. So I mean, I paid a lot of money for the tiniest hearing aids so they could fit right into the canal and it doesn't show. So she said, Well, you can't really do anything about these plastic hooks because that's how you pull them out and pull them back in. So I said, Well, how do I deal with it if somebody asked? Just say, Well, these are my antennas, and you don't owe anyone any explanations, you gotta get over this thing. So, you know, when the conversation for the uh for marriage for prospects started, I was very upfront and very honest with all of the prospects that I met, and I got rejected every time. Every time. Every time. I think there were at least four or five prospects that I was talking to between 1996 and 2000, the year 2000, I would tell you. And I got rejected every time. Now, interestingly, I did get engaged to be married in the year 2000, specifically March 2000. Okay. And a few months before I was to be married, my then ex-fiance. Like wedding was planned and such. Oh, well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I mean, like everybody knew, like, you know, it was gonna be the wedding of the century, things were gonna go fine, everything was gonna work out. He called me, didn't even have the guts to sit across from me, but called me and told me we're not going do this because we would have defective children. I really would love to talk to him today.

Speaker 21:02

Amount of emotional ignorance and intellectual ignorance in that is profound.

Speaker 1 21:08

Correct. So this is like so the life hasn't been easy, you see. So now I went from not knowing what was wrong with me to knowing what is wrong with me, trying to like, you know, like kick start, jump start, however you want to put it, and get to the point where now I'm accepted in the community to now dealing with marriage prospects where nobody wants to accept you. So you're like, well, I'm still a failure. When is it when am I good enough? You know, when am I good enough?

Speaker 21:39

Did you ever find that yourself wondering? Very challenging question for me to even ask, I must say. What your life would have been like if you did not hide out eating. You ever thought about that? If you just lived your life without knowing you had a hearing impair.

Speaker 1 22:00

I think I would probably end up hating life because it was a very cruel time, like not knowing what was wrong with me when I thought I was normal. You know, and the labeling it was the labeling part, you know, that bothered me the most because that made me realize that people are not compassionate. And I go back to that because really people are not compassionate. People do not show you an ounce of kindness. You know, no kindness. Not even trying to understand you. You know, and and one thing I would tell you is that growing up, I didn't really have a lot of friends because you know, you're in those developmental years, right? So you make friends, you socialize, and you know whatnot. It was very awkward for me. And even today I find, even today, I'm 53 years old. I find it happening to me all the time. I'm I'm actually socially awkward, to be honest with you. If you I know it's hard for you to believe Sri Lanka. But I make the effort to do it, but I will never see a woman, a Pakistani woman, approach me and say, hey, listen, would love to get to know you. Nobody tries that because maybe I come across it intimidating or so, but people really don't take the time to understand you. So, you know, that saying that you really don't know what's going on in somebody's life. You really don't know what's going on in somebody's life. You don't. You know, I normally when I walk into a room that I don't know anybody and I struggle. I actually struggle. But I'm always of the mindset, you know, and I always try to be very positive because of who my father is. So I always try to think of it as I gotta go in, I have to make the first step, I have to network, I have to talk, because nobody's coming to me. So it's been very challenging.

Speaker 23:52

So now, you know, I s I have met you as a completely different person, you know. I I knew from my husband that you had a hearing impairment. I didn't know to what degree. When when I found out you found you just found out at 24 years old, I think my jaw dropped open because I assume even with my knowledge, I assumed it was when you were a small child. The first thing that went through my mind was she went almost two and a half decades as potentially a completely different person. Yeah. And then suddenly finds out she is a different person that anyone had assumed, and maybe she even thought of herself and how that can be so challenging to overcome because you almost start brand new, which is also a negative in so many ways because so much of you is beautiful. Just having, you know, hearing adds a lot, but you're also it's not everything it will be defined, but it's how you take input externally that really forms you too. Yeah. So that's what shocked me the most that you went so many years. I'm not saying that actually I'm going to say finding out when you're five or six is different, right? Yeah. I'm not trying to say less of those kids, but it is different. Yeah. Because you still haven't, you haven't navigated as much. Yeah. Do you find yourself now ever looking at your journey of those years before as a very important historical part of your life that made you where you are now?

Speaker 1 25:14

Absolutely. And I tell you, my journey actually did not end this. And let me tell you what happened when I actually got married in 2005 when I met my late husband now. My husband was schizophrenic, and I found out about it after we got married. So this labeling did not stop. He unfortunately ended up taking his own life, as do most people who are diagnosed with that. But we had a very short-lived marriage. And so I went from that labeling to my you know, lack of hearing, to now a husband who was schizophrenic. But you know, it's a it's an illness. But people in our culture are so what's the word I want to use is like so uninformed. Yes, I would say not proper about this, so they would call him, you know, mental or pagul hair. Yeah, right. So I go from being, you know, your beri hai to being married to a pagle. Yeah, you know. So that labeling has continued for a long time. You know, to a point where like when he passed on, I was told that please don't tell anybody that he had issues. You know, so it's just like it continues. It continues. So it's like I've been I feel like I've been two people. I'm fighting this whole labeling, you know, like log kya kahenge. Everything comes down to that. Yeah, yeah. log kya kahenge. It's my life grained in my life. Right. This is why we are like everything ties back to log kya kahenge. What will look what will the people say? And then and then getting up every morning and fighting yourself through all of that, holding your own grit, making sure you meet the end goal. Your own end goal. I have nothing to prove to anybody. Right. You know, it's I've got to prove it to me that I can make it to the end. You know, so it's been a journey and I really like I every time like I, you know, have a down moment or you know, I would say a weak moment, I think about what my dad would have done. You know, because he had a very long and very difficult journey too, but he he left us when he was very, very successful and at the heights of his career and did phenomenally well where people still talk about him and respect him. And that's what I wanted for myself. So I think I always had that goal, you know, and that is what didn't let him stuck.

Speaker 27:48

Well, I think you're a huge inspiration, you know, we had a brunch where we got into a lot of this, which was an unexpected, it was supposed to be casual lash, but I left so inspired um for many reasons. You know, I've always been an edu I I love to teach in medicine, I love to do this, but yeah. There's so many uh, you know, this whole journey of yours in your life to me could be like a whole an entire podcast in itself. I'm just gonna say that, but because there's so many different aspects that come to mind, but I left so inspired because so many people, it's so challenging to overcome things psychologically more so and emotionally. You know, you can do the day-to-day grind, but to really overcome that, and I see someone who can change the world for many aspects, for the medical aspect, implement mandatory screening, hearing screening practices in countries where they're not available. I see someone who is the spokesperson for people who have been told they do they cannot have a disability or that have never been assessed for that. And then someone who has taken that and put it into a positive and just like flourish in her life in many ways, despite all of these hurdles she's gone through, that society has really just put shoved in her face as negative things, you know. And I was so inspired and felt so lucky to have someone, not just for me, but on this planet. I mean, you really have gone through so much. And to me, someone who was born with ears that hear well, yeah. I can't even grasp how challenging it. I think I know because I've been taught to assess fair medically, but I don't know. You know, I don't know what it feels like emotionally and psychologically. I know that that's very challenging. So I left I we're very there's so much more that I that you're doing, and I know a lot of this and stuff that and it's just so inspiring to see all this come throughout, but with many more questions, you know.

Speaker 1 29:45

Of course, I mean I think I have to give you credit for as well because I think one of the things that I realized in my life is although I've been on this journey alone, Saema, but when having friends like you who actually take the time to get to know you, to understand your challenges, and then really lift you. You and I wouldn't be sitting here if you weren't part of my journey now. Yeah. You know, so I have to give you full credit for my friend, you know, because it's not every friend that I can count on my fingers and tell you exactly how many people in my entire 53 years of life have been there to support. And I'm not talking about family. Family is always there, right? That they're always the, you know, the X factor. I'm talking about friends. You know, this is there. Like, I mean, this is so you need women to lift you in the real sense, right? And there are very few that I can tell you that I can counter my fingers and say, and you are one of them. I really do mean that. So thank you.

Speaker 30:41

I actually want to bring up something that's true. I mean, it's sad, but it is true. A question was broached that day that is a very common question because I hear it in my listen often. One of our girlfriends we love, she said, she asks you, Well, how did you not know you were deaf? And in my mind, I said, How are you supposed to know if you have no comparison? Correct. And it is not an uncommon question to be asked, you know, unless you have a comparison, you don't know, unless someone points it out on a CAT scan. How is someone supposed to know they have certain cancers? Many answers don't have symptoms. To me, it's the same thing. But that's a question many people listening may ask, well, how does she not know? Yeah. I am not surprised you didn't know. How are you supposed to know? Um, but that's something I think people will ask a lot. And it's just people don't realize that it is so complex and how easy it is to maneuver through life without having with having a disability and not knowing it. It's very easy.

Speaker 1 31:42

Invisible disability is one of the hardest things ever because I wish I was actually physically disabled, like the people could see and then leave me the hell alone. Yeah, you know, invisible disability is really bad. That's what my Forbes article was about, where I was featured earlier this year. But I will tell you that even those women who are now asking me about, like, how did you not know? Those are not kind questions. Not the I'm not talking about the friend who was asking, because I know that she really was very inquisitive about it. But a couple of people I recently met, a couple of women in our circle that I met, and I tried to explain to them, they were ambushing me. As if I'm trying to kind of like what gather sympathy, or I mean, I'm not even sure what the intent was. So even then, people are not It's another label. They're labeling again. Correct. You know, so that labeling does not ever go away. But at the same time, you're not realizing one thing that people like me, and with the faith that we come with, you know, being Muslim women in this world, it's the God that you know, like led me. Yeah, you know, gave me the strength and helped me navigate it through. You know, if God made me the way I am made, then God also placed a way for me to navigate my life, right? And that's exactly what I followed through without having a language for it, without even knowing I had this issue.

Speaker 33:07

Yeah.

Speaker 1 33:08

You know, and I honestly don't even see this as an issue. Like I was built this way, and this is who I am. Take it or leave it.

Speaker 33:15

Yeah, I was going to say I'm so impressed by you, but I'm not impressed by you because of your invisible disability. I'm just impressed because of how much you can do, and that's who you are. It's not because you can hear now. Yeah. Actually, I must say that sometimes you hear too much. If you call me when I'm on the street, you're like, Saema, it's too loud in the background, go somewhere. Just kidding. I'm just kidding. Yeah. But in general, I'm just impressed. Hearing or no hearing, I think all of what you've achieved and what you're about to achieve is because of who you are. Right. It adds another layer because people don't realize how much of a person develops around how much we sense and how much is superimposed upon us by these negative labels, accusations, and names we're called. And we all know it happens so often. Yeah. But and how often it's done just to your face is also insulting. And now you can't even you're just navigating it without hearing it. But the assumption is there, you could feel it, you know.

Speaker 1 34:02

Right, it's there and it's it's never going to lead me. Even now, even when I come out and I tell people, like, and I'm publicly telling people now that I am deaf, right?

Speaker 34:11

And I love this. The world needs to hear this to do in order to implement change from birth up to allow to make sure that we address this, we need to hear your stories, and up. Like I've told you this mo many times. Think about it from a there's so many lives you can change from birth too. Yeah. To try to implement these hearing screening practices. We don't do them as often, but to also, we all tell each other we need to be more compassionate.

Speaker 1 34:36

No, our culture, our women really need to learn this. And this is why, I mean, it all comes down to log, kya kahenge and this is what you know we're afraid of, the labels, right? And this is why we don't want to share these stories. Part of me, like after I got after I encountered the last two women that I had recently met in New York and had lunches with, and they completely I felt um ambushed. I did I didn't think I wanted to go back out and tell anybody this. Because then, like, why am I getting questioned for something I did not even plan for myself? You know, I didn't know Log.

Speaker 35:07

There were always There'll always be Log, and there'll be always these aunties, really. This is why we're having this dialogue. This is the promise of doing this. And you know, having the conversation am amongst ourselves is great, but having in the open, I think is well, I hope that it actually opens the door to allow for understanding and compassion.

Speaker 1 35:26

Compassion, kindness, and like humility, you know, and people giving each other the space to be themselves. Yeah. Right. And I think that I I I just want people to be, you know, more aware of their surroundings. I I don't think they are. People don't stop to think. People do not stop to think. You know, you gotta let it sink in. You know, you've gotta be self-aware and you have to be aware of your surroundings. You know, like sometimes things come out of all these the mouths of all these Pakistani women in New York that completely shock the hell out of me.

Speaker 36:00

No, I grabbed some of those stories. Yes, I mean it's brutal. It's bad, you know, in beating each other up, we're just beating ourselves up too. And it's there's no way to flourish and to grow as a community or an individual when we keep doing this. It's just so sad and it's gone on too long. So I'm hoping maybe. But I I appreciate you. I appreciate your story. Um, I I always say I've said this to you multiple times. The world needs to hear it. You're not unique, but you you have the voice and you can do it. Um, I think the world needs to hear the story. I'll see. So I appreciate you talking. I'm sorry I caught you off guard. I didn't come with tissues, but I come with lip gloss and maybe some mascara.

Speaker 36:39

I will take anything, Saema Anything for you. But thank you so much for for the opportunity. Like it felt good to let it out. I'm sad. Yeah. So I mean, um, I hope there's no one to getting offended by all this, but you know, they were always part of it. They will be. They will be right? Because they're always bringing on the questions. Bring them on, bring them on, bring them on. Come on.

Speaker 1 36:58

Yeah, thank you. I appreciate it. Thank you, Saema. Thank you for having me.