In Our Beginning, Parts 1 and 2

In this episode we discuss how we found, or rediscovered our faith in Christ.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:29

Alright, let's try this again. Thanks, folks, for joining us on a s Journey through spiritual warfare, our video podcast. We had a bit of a technical issue. And we're trying this again. Yes, not technical issue, user error. User error. My error. So let's try this again. So let's try it again, Chuck. We were talking about the Archangel Gabriel.

SPEAKER_03 0:54

So this episode we're doing in the beginning. Yes. We have Genesis. God creates all of Earth, all the creator, all the preachers. And we have the Archangel Gabriel. Yeah. Goes to Elizabeth and lets her know about her pregnancy with uh John the Baptist. And then later on, and Gabriel also goes to the Virgin Mary about becoming pregnant with Jesus. And so this is it kind of the precursor of us being able to tell the beginning of our spiritual journey. So we see it from the very beginning of the world to the beginning of the savior in Christianity, and then now 2,000 years later, in our both uh our experiences and how we got to where we're at.

SPEAKER_02 1:47

Yeah, so let's talk about your journey in Christianity, your journey in faith. So I I guess let's start from the beginning. You you were baptized as an Episcopalian as a child, or was it as a young boy?

SPEAKER_03 2:00

Yeah, as a child, um I was kind of thrust in it, but I also grew up in that situation where um I was going to church, but I was also witnessing people not be church worthy. Oh they were the the Sunday church people, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:19

Yeah, hypocritical. Um yeah, and that's unfortunately that's kind of common. Not kind of, it's very common.

SPEAKER_03 2:24

Yeah, and you know, and because of that uh mixed with the abuse I went through with my my father and stepmother is kind of led me very far astray because I was like, if this is what people who believe in God are doing, if this is that I don't want no part of that, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:40

You don't want any, you know, you know you were correlating the two. Yeah. And what can you expect from a child, right? Like that's that's I don't want to say it's reasonable, but it is reasonable. You're thinking if this is what it is, then I don't want anything to do with it, right?

SPEAKER_03 2:53

Like you said, so yeah, and you know, so after my time, you know, I grew up in graduated high school and went through uh joined the Marines and my time out and battled a lot of internal issues. Uh it really wasn't up until I moved to New Hampshire in like the 2013 time frame. Yeah. And um when I started getting close with you and your family is when I really wanted to get more involved and finding out who I was. Yeah. Because I was seeing you and Jen and the kids, and uh, I was seeing there's a difference, and you weren't none of you guys are preaching, but there's a difference from the way that you guys relationship with each other was, with the kids, with the community, and I wanted to be part of that. I wanted something like that.

SPEAKER_02 3:49

Well, I guess the question would be that some people have, and and frankly, that I have is since I didn't proselytize, I didn't preach, and I wasn't pushing God or you know, Jesus or the church or anything on you or anybody, what made you know that I was even Catholic? What made you know that I was a Christian or anything? What made you think that?

SPEAKER_03 4:09

Well, so at first, I thought you and Jen were like the perfect and never saw you guys arguing, and and so at first I was like in awe, and then I got resentful. I'm like, well, I don't who am I gonna be next to these? These there's something that they're hiding.

unknown 4:26

Right.

SPEAKER_03 4:26

But as we got closer to friends, and I saw you and Jen actually have an argument, but it's it's not the substance of the argument, but it's the way you guys handled afterward, how quickly you recovered, and you know, both you were able to admit fault without directly admitting fault, and like it was a quick forgiveness, and like you guys didn't go to bed angry and pissed off at each other. Right, that was a huge turning point for me because my anger's been an issue for me for many years. Yeah, yeah. So seeing that was huge, and then all as an adult and out of the military, uh things uh in the political sphere has been affecting me. So I'm like starting to realize uh importance of tax, all these different political things, and I started watching different political people, and I noticed that the ones that I was heading towards were all of strong Christian faith. Right. Um, you know, Stephen Crowder, Dan Bongino. Yes, they lean to the right or are right, but there's something about their messaging and how they tie everything to God and to Jesus, and you can see like a genuine happiness in who they are. Sure, yeah. And I haven't seen that in like the young Turks I've watched and some of these other groups, you don't see like this internal happiness, yeah. And it was around that time that you were like, listen, if you just want to know a little bit more about being a Christian and in the Bible, listen to the Bible in a year, and so I gave that a try, and I was pretty much hooked. Yeah, and I felt much I strongly suggest that anybody who has any questions or just willingness to learn. There are like 15 to 20 minute videos, one a day. He does scriptural reading, but then does a really good job of uh translating to today's understanding.

SPEAKER_02 6:38

Father Mike Smith doesn't he just read the says like this is what it is, and he just yeah, just amazing, uh amazing stuff. So, what made you know that me and Jen were Christians at all?

SPEAKER_03 6:52

Um honestly it didn't take much. I mean, just the way you you guys carry yourselves. Oh, yeah. Um one of the first things I knew that you were devout in your Christianity is you guys basically pray at every meal with your kids. Oh, yeah, yeah, we did even in public, yeah. Well, I mean, it's and then there was a time where I was over and one of your kids was going to do a sleepover, and you did an individual blessing prayer for them because they were going sleeping over somebody else's house. Oh, sure. Yeah, okay, and so that was like like okay, clearly there's something more than hey, I'm just gonna go to Territon Sunday type of thing. Oh, because you you experienced after this. Not just you, but even your daughter, who was even amongst all of her hardest times with you, always asked you for a prayer when she would go do something or whatever. There was just a different relationship that was formed. Yeah, and even if she falls from the faith, or there was just something that kept you guys bonded in a way that was I've never seen before. Yeah, that's cool.

SPEAKER_02 8:03

And I appreciate you letting me know that it was just something, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:07

And it's that's cool with all the kids. I mean, you get you got six kids who are on all different levels of where they are and their own faith and absolutely and the love and understanding and respect that you guys have with each other, and same thing, you have a brother who is ideologically on a different realm, you know. You know, so you have all these things, and the way that I see that you love and you respect, you have a good friend who's Jewish, you participate in you know their eight nights of and do some of their meals, and you like it's a really special thing. You you're you guys have been a good example of the best we could hope for for human beings trying to follow Christ. I appreciate that. You know, and and then I didn't know you were Catholic until we started doing our veterans podcast when we would get into some of the more touchy topics like abortion abortion and whatnot.

SPEAKER_02 9:07

Oh, and also um capital punishment, right? We did talk about that on one thing.

SPEAKER_03 9:12

Yeah, and so that was like that's when you were like, Well, I am Catholic, this is what I believe, you know, the Christians might believe this, right? And so, but again, I did about two and a half years I listened to the uh Bible in the year, just such such great stuff, and every year he does a new one. So it's a a new podcast each day that he records, yeah, and they're on YouTube now. They are on YouTube, I didn't know that. And it got me to a point, and I'm like, he's he's talking about all these things and things I could relate to differently. I was looking through a warrior's lens as somebody who's been a Marine in Iraq, and and having this different perspective opposed to just an average person in forgiveness is it's a very, very different view to start looking at some of these people like David, King David as a young man, David as a king. Yes, because there's difference. Uh, you know, Saul as a king and and all these things. So it really kind of brought my world crumbling down, but in a way for me to see the outside and and see how much more there uh is other than me. And it was different than what you experienced as a child. Absolutely a million fold. And yeah, um so I've been going to church with you. I guess I've been fully committed to my journey into uh Catholicism.

SPEAKER_02 10:46

I remember when I told you at one point, I said, if you want to know about God, I said, just pray and say, God, I want you to show me who you are and see where I leads you.

SPEAKER_03 10:57

And you know, it took me longer to realize how how it was affecting me than the people around me. Oh, right. They all realized once I started listening to Bible in the air, started actually reading the Bible, before I even started doing the rosary and everything, like they all noticed how how much of a change there was with me. The peace internally, the you know, not angry, um, seem to be more civil than Sarah is, which is the exact opposite. Normally she was the one that was be off the rails, and and it's like not that it's switched, she's just who she's been. I have just changed so much to the other end now. But uh, you know, the first time I went to your church, I didn't even know you were there.

SPEAKER_02 11:49

Yeah, I said Abigail said, was that Chuck? I said, Oh, what are you talking about? She goes, I saw Chuck over there. I'm like, really? And I'm texting you.

SPEAKER_03 11:56

I deliberately sat away from you because I wanted it to be my thing. I had no idea you were there. My mom actually saw you. She was like, Yeah, Chuck was there. Like, nobody told me. Exiting, they all walked by. And uh, I'll tell you, you know, two things in my journey so far have had huge, huge impacts on me. Uh one was then because that track that that session physically I felt drained. My whole body hurt. I'm so tense, no matter how hard I tried breathing exercise, all those things. But even before that, when you had asked uh Father Ryan to bless my Saint Jude chain, yeah, right before receiving that, I just out of nowhere just broke down in like emotion, and I was by myself, and I just had this flood of okay, I I gotta let go. I'm really control is an illusion I don't have. Like, yeah, yeah, there's something bigger than me. So those two specific moments in time push me over the edge. Like, I have to give praise to God, I have to accept that God is in control, and you know what? I need to be grateful. God gives me the opportunities to screw up, you know, and and take responsibility when I screw up, but also praise God when every time something good happens, which is the reverse of what we do as humans. As humans, we're always like, Oh, I did this. Oh, I did that. I and mean me. God, why did you let me go? Why did you put me through this?

SPEAKER_02 13:36

Yeah, and so I've been trying to reform out the good things or blame God for the bad things.

SPEAKER_03 13:41

Yeah, so I've been trying to reform my mind on it, and yeah, it's brought a lot to perspective for me.

SPEAKER_02 13:48

But or treat God like a slot machine, right? If you do this for me, I'll do that for you. The handle and put a prayer in, expect a result out when you want it. When you want it, yeah, and yeah, not only that, but I want results right now. God answers every prayer. Sometimes he says no, usually, or he'll say, sure, but not right now, or not in the way you expect it. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 14:11

And so now I'm at a point in my journey where I'm gonna start. Well, I we started the first two episodes of Catechism in a year, which is the same group, but I'm looking into doing the I forget what it's called, the whole year.

SPEAKER_02 14:30

Oh, OCIA, yeah, to learn more about uh Catholicism.

SPEAKER_03 14:35

So I'm looking forward to doing that in and kind of getting deeper 22nd. 20 seconds, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:41

Yeah, this is this coming one in. And you specifically said you didn't want me to be your sponsor because you want it to be your journey, and I'm okay with that. I want I want you to to go your way and see how things progress for you.

SPEAKER_03 14:53

I love our relationship. I love how I can come to you as a friend and ask. I don't want our our religio religious relationship to be on any business type terms. And I and I love that that's exactly how it'd be, but I like when we can just have our nonchalant talks.

SPEAKER_02 15:12

And I love it, and I and I appreciate that, and I love the candor.

SPEAKER_03 15:15

And you know, Paul Ryan said that's actually pretty common, and then they have a list of people who volunteer. Yep. So, you know, that's great to know that I'm not alone in that aspect. Certainly not.

SPEAKER_02 15:28

Yeah, they have a list of uh sponsors for people who don't have a specific sponsor selected. Um, but yeah, I think that's fantastic.

SPEAKER_03 15:36

Yeah, yeah, and you know, also in so my relationship with God has been through you and Father Ryan specifically. And there's when we spoke about me going to the catechism and and getting more involved, he was able to read me so well. He asked a lot of diff difficult questions. It was clear to me that I wasn't just another guy, like that God was working through him. He asked questions that about things he there's no way he could have known about as far as my relationships and you know, still technically being married, and and he was so understanding and and willing to give advice and say, Listen, we have to do X, Y, and C before you can get to this point as far as the Catholic Church. And uh, it was just great for me. It was very eye-opening, and you know he's a good, sincere man, I feel. But it's just one of those times you could clearly see that God was working through him. Yeah, because there's no way he would have known anything about my being married and having you know my kids and all that. And he also said he'd be willing to dive into trying put feelers out, see if he can help me find a way to officially become divorced. And you've also been how been and we've been estranged for like 17 years, so it's not like regular technical life, yeah. It's not like it's you know, but it's not like it's something content, yeah. Yeah, it's you know, it's been done and over with a long time, and but uh you know, every aspect of the journey's been wonderful. Um, and I feel it every time I screw up, like if I don't do my prayers or if I don't do my my rosary every night. Hey, just to remind you, you know, then I know it's gonna get there's always gonna be your hiccups and stuff. Of course there is, yeah. It's just it's so wonderful to know that even when I screw up, whether it be sexual morality or whatever the shit is, that I can pick up the rosary at night and I'm laying in bed and I can close my eyes, I can do my rosary, and feel like huge weights have been lifted on. Just recenter, right? It's yeah, and it's like every day is an opportunity to renew your faith with God.

SPEAKER_02 18:03

Absolutely, and I love the fact that you're gonna go through OCIA, and whether you decide to become Catholic or not, you're on your journey towards Christ, and you're gonna make the decision that's right for you. And you know, Jesus says knock and it'll be open for you.

SPEAKER_03 18:17

And it will be, yes, you know, and I think what what's so great for this Jenny for me is that it is purely about me. I'm not doing it for you know, I'm not doing it because I'm trying to get with a girl or I'm exactly preach that, and or I'm going there for the free food, or any of those because you you get some of these performers, you know, you get a call. You're not going for the show, you're going for you. Yeah, it's it it's shown in my example. The the little bit of a journey I've been on has shown where now I have all my kids who are pretty much adult, my youngest is gonna be 17. I can't believe that. Man, they're asking it as big, dude. But they ask me now questions about the Bible. Yeah, and now you have some. Funny because I'm like, I don't know, let me ask Eric. And then you're like, I don't know, let me ask Vodicasia. So, but it's to have that lifeline and to see that me not preaching to them, but they see me do my bruiser and I like Sarah turns the TV down and respectful. She she sits there, she, you know, I get my 20 minutes to do my thing, and you know, she she goes out of her way to not interrupt me. I love it. The kids know I go to church every Saturday. My mother-in-law, she knows because we use the same car, so she doesn't make plans for Saturdays. Like all these things are falling into place, and my journey as short as it's been has been enough to at least inspire my family in different ways. It's enough to affect a change. Yeah, and I it's I love it.

SPEAKER_02 19:58

Yeah, it's it's fantastic. And you know what? It will continue to be fantastic, and when the road gets rough, you just power through it and keep going. You know, you're a marine and you you you've already dealt with adversity, so you know that expect it, and there's something good on the other side of it.

SPEAKER_03 20:14

Well, you know, and it's the wise counsel, right? I mean, knowing and having a comfort level of not just coming to you, but knowing I can go to Father Ryan. Absolutely, of course you can. Even though I've never spoken to Father or been to enough of his sermons, I'm like, I feel like I could go to him or even Deacon Steve. Like I have a connection, even though we have connected on a one-to-one level. Sure. So it's knowing that I have someone to go when I screw up, because not about if. It's not it's never if.

SPEAKER_02 20:45

Yeah. It's it's for everybody, it's never an if.

SPEAKER_03 20:48

Yeah, I love him. So, but yeah, that's and that's where I'm at now. And so you're on the road. And now we're on the road. Literally and figuratively. Both, yes. We're we're traveling our journey.

SPEAKER_02 21:01

All right, so next up will be uh, I guess will be me. All right. See what we're doing. All right, folks, thanks for joining us on a not again, not a video podcast, on a journey through spiritual warfare. Uh it's our uh podcast, our audio podcast, okay?

SPEAKER_03 21:19

It's part two of our journey through uh spiritual warfare. We already talked about Genesis and and you know uh Elizabeth and Mary, but now we're gonna get into more of your journey and where it started and you know.

SPEAKER_02 21:37

So we talked about your journey into uh with the faith, not into the faith, but with the faith. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 21:45

Yeah, so we're gonna talk about mine now. Yes. I think so. What I think is interesting is mine tends to be a little bit more basic of what a lot of people are seeing nowadays. Sure. But you came from a different place because you were kind of in the faith as a child for the most part.

SPEAKER_02 22:08

Yeah, they call what I am they call they call me a cradle Catholic. So I was born and baptized as a Catholic as a Catholic as a baby. Um and then uh I grew up, but I I fell away from the faith as a child for a variety of reasons. And uh I stopped practicing my faith probably I don't know uh maybe about 10 about 10 years old, I stopped practicing my faith. And um yeah, so from 10 to about I'm guessing maybe 17, 18. I I was not uh practicing Catholic. And I did I actually I I stepped so far away from my faith I did other things. Um things that were decidedly not Catholic. And uh I I uh yeah, I was I was I practiced other other religions and other practices that were not Catholic because I I stepped far, far away from the faith for a variety of reasons.

SPEAKER_03 23:16

You were raised in situations as well that wasn't I wouldn't say abusive, but you definitely can't come from relationships in your family that were not very Christian-like. Absolutely not, yeah. And then you were balancing East Coast, West Coast as a child. So it would be hard to stay focused as a child in the faith. Oh, absolutely, you know.

SPEAKER_02 23:40

The only constant I had uh for a Catholic faith uh was my grandfather. Uh his name was Mariano, we called him Mike. Um, he was he he taught me a lot about Catholicism as a young child. Uh I called him Fu, which is short for Vu Vu, which is grandfather in Portuguese. Um he taught me a lot about the Catholic faith growing up, um, and that gave me like a foundation of the faith. Yeah. Even when I was away from the faith, I kind of kept that in my back pocket. Yeah. You know what I mean? Um, which kind of serves me well now going forward.

SPEAKER_03 24:18

And then uh so what wait what was the determining factor for you to get back into the faith?

SPEAKER_02 24:27

So kind of an interesting story. Um so I I was away from the faith and everything, and then uh my wife and I, well, she wasn't my wife at the time, she's my wife now. Uh we ended up ha getting pregnant. She got pregnant, but we that's what we got pregnant with our first son. We have six children now. We got pregnant with our first child, our first child, our eldest child, and she said, you know, I'm gonna start taking I'm gonna take him to church. And I said, uh we had a Catholic wedding, right? Um he was born though out of wedlock, and she said, and then he was he was two years old when we got married, and he actually came out and he said, It's okay, they can get married, it's okay, but everybody laughs at you. And then she said, I'm gonna start taking him to church. And I was like, Well, fuck that. If you're going to church, I'm gonna go to church too, because I don't want our son to grow up thinking, well, mom takes him to church, but not dad. Yeah. So I started attending mass kind of out of spite. Yeah. You know, like, you know, I, you know, I want to be part of this too.

SPEAKER_03 25:36

So you were also doing research to kind of like find flaws, right? You're like, trying to find reasons to not grow.

SPEAKER_02 25:43

It started out with it started out with, I want to go to church because I don't want, you know, my son growing up thinking that only mom takes him to church. So I wanted to be part of it. And then I was like, well, you know, me being me, I want to find out, okay, I know what to believe, right? But I want to find out why we're supposed to believe. Yeah. Why do I believe what we're supposed to believe? And um, so I started studying. I started studying for about two or three years, very, very heavily. Not even three years, I'd say two years. Very heavily. And I studied not just Catholicism, but other brands of Christianity and other faiths as well. I wanted to, you know, I I got a lot of books about anti-Catholic books as I studied. I want to know why we believe what we believe, and I also want to know the answers to all the common anti-Catholic charges, like yes, why do you worship Mary? Idolatry, you know, all that like I want to know all the common questions, like all the accusations against the church. How do you refute those? Are they true? Things like that. And anti-Christian, not just Catholic and anti-Christian uh Muslim faith. Absolutely. I want to know are these accusations right? Are they real? Do they have any merit? I studied for a long time. And uh, you know, because I I I believed in my intellectually, but I didn't believe in my heart. Yeah you know, and I kind of believed more and more intellectually, and I but I didn't believe in my heart yet. I believed in my mind that these things were true because I was finding the answers, right? I was finding the answers uh over and over again. That okay, here's the answer to this, here's the answer to that, here's the answer to this. And I said, okay. And I kept, you know, the Catholic Church, frankly, it kept being true over and over and over, kept being correct over and over again. So I was like, okay, now I made a decision, okay, I want to be Catholic and not, you know, my my my father's side, the McNeil side, they were Seventh-day Adventists and they were very, very anti-Catholic. Uh my grandfather was a preacher and he was very anti-Catholic. Uh so I said, maybe I'll be a Seventh-day Adventist. No, didn't work out. Uh, they he was wrong. Um, you know, so I said, okay, after studying I said, okay, I'm gonna be a Catholic. And I I believed in my mind, like I said, that the church was correct, but I didn't believe in my heart yet. One day I was getting ready to go to work. I was an assistant manager at Walden Books, believe it or not. And I I was getting ready to go to work and I heard this blooming voice come across the TV. And it was Father Karopi. Um, and he was doing his uh his Easter Tritium series. Uh and you can look it up on YouTube. I think he's disgraced now, believe it or not, but uh at the time he wasn't. And if you find his Easter Tritium, Father Karape, I think it's C-O-R-A-P-I, on his Easter Tritium, and he's wearing a gray robe, and he's bald and he used to be a special forces soldier, so you can look it up clear right. Yep, check. Um, it's he's a very, very forceful speaker. And I sat down to listen to him because he was such a powerful speaker, and his message was so so powerful. And I got so enraptured in what he was saying that I was like two hours late to work, and as a manager or assistant manager, like, that's not okay, you know. So the manager, the phone manager called me and said, What are you doing? You're late for work. And I was like, Oh shit. So I I got up and I I went to work, and and I was like, Yeah, I'm really sorry. I was yeah, I was distracted and I got in trouble, but whatever. So I ended up ordering, and this is back in the the late 90s, and I ended up ordering the series on VHS, you know, cassette, you know, video cassette, and I watched the the thing, and from watching Father Karape's Easter Tritium series, uh something broke in me, and then I started believing in my heart. I had the intellectual belief and faith, but you know, even the demons believe, right? Well, they know they they they have faith intellectually, they know, but they don't believe in their heart. So I started believing in my heart, and that's when things changed, and I said, wow, I believe, I really truly believe, and everything opened up for me, and then I started you know going to mass with you know new eyes. I I started you know, I really truly believed, and then I started attending um Catholic distance university to get my theology degree, and you know, everything kind of opened up from there, and we had, you know, and then I I transferred from the National Guard to active duty and I I went off to Operation Iraqi Freedom, and you know, everything kind of went on from there, but um the time I opened my spiritual eyes, I guess you can say, until now, with my ascent of faith in my heart, everything has been different. You know, so so I don't just believe in my mind, I believe in my heart, and it's a totally different kind of faith, you know?

SPEAKER_03 31:11

No, absolutely. And so you've been on your journey a lot longer, and I know you've had many uh times of faltering, but when you were in the army, yeah, you played a specific role as far as being somewhat of a spiritual leader.

SPEAKER_02 31:27

Yeah, I was. So when I was in Fort Campbell, we were getting ready to deploy, and we had about three weeks, maybe a month, to get ready to deploy to over Iraq. And I uh I applied for and was granted the position of field extraordinary minister of holy communion. So I actually have my card still, and what that was was I was basically I wasn't a chaplain's assistant, and that's an actual job. Uh I was a field EMHC, so I had to carry the host, uh, the body of Christ in my pocket, and I was able to distribute Holy Communion to Catholic soldiers. And uh that really was something super special because when there was no Catholic chaplain available on Saturdays and Sundays or whenever really, I was able to do a Eucharistic service, prayer service for soldiers and distribute Holy Communion. Um and I got to carry in a golden picks for the body of Christ around and distribute that to Catholic soldiers, and it it really I got to carry God with me, you know. Uh, and what a feeling of just overwhelming responsibility and safety.

SPEAKER_03 32:41

Do you feel like the other soldiers, especially the ones you were close to, do you feel like it affected the way that they looked at you, either good or bad? Good and bad.

SPEAKER_02 32:50

The Catholic soldiers respected me for it, and the the majority of soldiers who were not Catholic kind of mocked me for it. I had one sergeant who said, Oh, I want a cracker, and I was like, Yeah, uh, no, I'm not gonna give you a cracker, you know. It's they mocked me. First of all, they mock Catholics anyway, and then they were like, Oh, you know, McNeil gets to walk around with crackers in his pocket. Like, it's just, but I I just laughed it off, like, you know, whatever, you know, I just it is what it is, and anti-Catholic, you know, behavior is it is what it is, but and that's okay, you know. If if I want to be mocked for being a Catholic, then that's okay. That's the right reason to be mocked, right? I mean I'd rather be mocked for that than than not, you know.

SPEAKER_03 33:36

And just to be clear, we're not advertising or saying uh you have to be a Catholic. I think the point is to have Christ in your heart. Yeah. And if you have Christ in your heart, truly you shouldn't be shaming other Christian faiths or individuals of Christian faith, unless they are doing something shameful. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:58

I mean, there I went to distribute Holy Communion to uh there was we were attached to the second Five Odusa Infantry, and we were, I think, in Ann Azof, we were overlooking uh the city of An is off, and there was a fight going on, and there was a lull in the fight, and I said, Can I go over to the infantry dug in right on this little cliffside and uh do a Eucharistic service? And one of my NCOs said, No, you you can't, it's too uh too active over there. And I said, Well, I mean, I want to, it's Sunday, and I want to do it. And we were about 50 yards away from the front, and I said, uh, well, I mean, it's Sunday, the fighting kind of lulled, I want to go do it. And my NCO said, Well, do whatever you can afford. And I said, Well, basically saying if you do it, you're gonna get you know Article 15. I said, Well, okay. I mean, if you're gonna give me an Article 15 for doing a religious service, then fuck it. I'm gonna do it. Yeah, and so what calling is higher? Yeah, so I took my weapon and I grabbed one of my battle buddies and I went and did it. Uh I gave I gave uh I went and I distributed the Eucharist and um yeah, and I got back and he was like, What did I tell you? And I said, You told me to do what I can afford. And uh, you know what happened? Not a damn thing. So be that as it may.

SPEAKER_03 35:17

Now, in your your time in, you've been through a lot and you have actual physical scars. But in your time in, especially in those really dark moments of death and destruction around you, how did God play a part in your heart during during those times when every people around you are ready to quit emotionally, mentally, everybody's drained. How did God affect you to keep going?

SPEAKER_02 35:50

Well, I think God affected me uh personally because you know I would always think that, you know, just because I have it tough, you know, Jesus had it tougher. Um, because I would always think of Jesus on the way to the cross and Jesus on the cross, and I would always think that, you know, He did this for me and for everybody, whether they believe in Him or not, whether they believe it or not, and I just got to keep going. And what I would I would I wouldn't tell them anything, I would just pray for myself, pray for them. I'd offer up my suffering for the holy souls of purgatory. I used my faith for as much benefit for myself and for others as I could, whether they knew it or not, whether they believed it or not. You know, one of the things I always say about uh my faith in in God, my faith in our Savior Jesus, is that it's kind of like sunlight, right? You don't have to believe the sun warms you for it to warm you. You know, it's a great analogy. You know, it it our Jesus is there and he'll forgive you, our Savior forgives you and redeems you, whether you believe it or not. It's just you don't have to believe it for it to be true. Um you don't have to accept it for it to be true, you have to accept it for it to be effective, but you don't have to accept it to be true. So I just just do the best you can. And everybody's on a different path, everyone's on a different part of their journey. And I I try not to to judge people or you know, anything, you know. I just do the best I can, you know, and that's all everybody can ask.

SPEAKER_03 37:18

The whole thing on judge and judgment at a different time. Yeah. Um the last thing I really wanted to get your perspective on. You come back from the war, you witness all these things, you come back, you find out you have a tumor, has to be removed. Extremely high possibility of not surviving. Yeah. Where does where does your brain and heart separate? Does your brain go to I'm ready to give up? Or do you just put it all on the line for God?

SPEAKER_02 37:48

So that's actually a great point. I put it all on the line for God, and I I I'm not afraid of death. I'm afraid of dying, the process of dying, but not afraid of death because I believe in uh uh you know the afterlife, obviously. And so I had uh I received the last rites, um the sacrament of the sick, I think the church calls it now. And uh I had uh actually, it was a retired bishop that came in. Um and he came in and he gave me the last rites. And I didn't, you know, I honest to God, I I wasn't scared. And and I'm I'm really I I try to stress this to people. I was accepting of whatever God had in store for me. I wasn't afraid because I knew that no matter what happened, it was God's will. And I was just I was at peace with whatever happened. Um I I was and I really I really you know people don't really think it must have been I really wasn't afraid. I was accepting. I said, okay, well, whatever happens is gonna happen. I was at peace with it. I went into surgery knowing that okay, this is gonna be whatever it's gonna be, and let's just carry on carrying on. And uh I here I am now, you know, and God must have a plan for me, and we'll see what happens as we move on into the future.

SPEAKER_03 39:11

It's just true. And uh I don't know if you remember what I texted you after we met with Father Ryan. Um, for any veterans out there, what I text Eric was I always knew you were a tool, but now I know you're a tool God was using to get me into faith. And you know, it's uh no uh it's no less true now than it was then. Um I love the fact that you're my brother in arms, you're my brother in Christ, and we get to do what we love doing, and we get to do these little audio podcast thingies.

SPEAKER_02 39:45

If we can help somebody, you know, on their journey towards Christ, great. If not, then we're helping ourselves. But the bottom line is do the right things for the right reasons at all times, right? Amen.