Ep. 1 You're the prize, Act like it!

this episode is all about dating, raising your standards knowing your worth and believing for me!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey y'all, and welcome to the first episode ever of Bless this mess. I'm Tay Ray, your new bestie, and I'm just so excited to be here today with you and to be doing this. Okay, so before we get into the topics, I'm just gonna tell you a little bit about me. I'm from Texas, and I'm very proud to be from Texas. Um, it's even in my social media handles at Tay Ray, Texas. You guys, I love, love, love, love Texas. Country music, barbecue cookouts, the rodeo, the outfits, the boots, the cowgirl hats. Come on. It's amazing. I love Texas. But I have been in LA for a while and I have been feeling pretty Hollywood lately. I am a victim of Erwan. I go to the ocean nonstop. Um, and I go to events, lavish events every other day. So I still have my my Texas roots in me, and I still have my southern charm. It will never die. But I will say I'm starting to feel a little city girl, you guys. So that's a little bit about me, right? I'm from Texas. I moved to LA. Um, how did I get in LA? Well, I used to watch The Hills in Laguna Beach back in the day, and it was a show that would just show LA and the nightlife and how it just looked like the dream life. So recently, after watching that, I got into modeling. But the whole time in my head, I was like, I'm gonna be in LA. I'm gonna go model in LA. Literally my top desire. Um, once I got into the modeling industry, it didn't take long until they saw, like, wow, she probably doesn't fit here. She's tall and skinny, but she's really loud and she talks a lot and she's a little bit silly. So shortly after that, I got asked to do a play and I fell in love with acting. Now my mom will tell you that it was not the beginning of my acting. She says I've been putting a show on my whole life. So there you go. I've I'm obsessed with acting. So from Texas to LA, tried modeling, didn't love it, did acting, fell in love. And um also another fun fact, I've been sober for six years, six years in August, and that's been interesting and fun, and so thankful for that. Love being healthy. Um, and then also I do drink matcha. I don't know if my girls are matcha drinkers on here, but I think caffeine is still a drug, everything in moderation, but I love having me a little matcha. Um and then yeah. So most of y'all probably seen me and Skits with Panna Stocking, Adam W, and Anwar. Um, I love those guys so much. They are so creative and so fun to be around. They are really, really funny. They have pushed me out of my comfort zone, made me more silly, and inspired me so much throughout these years. So truly blessed that I've been able to be around them in this creative world. And thank you guys. I love y'all so much. Okay, so before I start this, I'm gonna tell you why I'm starting this. Like, why did I start this podcast? I feel like I'm going along this journey, and I'm just a girl doing her best, and I feel like there's other girls out there on their journey, and they're trying to do their best. And I feel like we can help each other, but sometimes we're not like we can't reach each other. So I'm like, this is me just trying to reach the girls, talk to the girls. It's also me just trying to reach myself. I'm I'm truly making this for me as well, so I can re-listen to it and remind myself hey, this is all the knowledge you know. Don't forget it when a cute boy walks in the room. But yeah, so here we go. Are y'all ready for the first episode ever of Bless This Mess? All right, it is called Dun dun Rum Rum. The first episode is You're the Prize, act like it. So I'm just gonna tell you guys about like how I am a little bit. I am such a lover girl. Like I watched Disney princess movies growing up, and I would just like, oh my god, I'm gonna find my prince charming, and he's gonna do all these things, and my life is gonna be beautiful. And, you know, I think all of us said we watched those movies and we're like, guys are gonna be like this. They're gonna come to our door and come get us. And it's really not the case. And it kind of brainwashed us in a way. And so now I'm just like, no, I'm not gonna meet guys and think, could this be the one? I'm meeting them and I'm taking it slower. And I'm like, okay, this is my friend. This is my attractive friend, but this is my friend first. I don't know this man, I don't know anything about him. So I am taking it slower. I'm taking people as friends, I'm letting them earn my little lovey-dovey energy because I'm such a lover girl. But yeah, it's just like I want to get to know people first. I want to get to know if we get along and do all that and not just go straight into my fairy tale princess universe. Um, so yeah, don't give your love away freely, girls. Let guys earn it. Seriously. And then also, like when you think about a male's brain, right? They're more logical. So if they're seeing you, just like give them this lovey energy and they can see it in your eyes that you already like them and they don't even know you, they're like not really into it, right? So it's more of like they want to earn love. They want to earn, it's just the way they are. They're like wired. It's like a game. I don't know how I explain it. I'm making them some really bad. There's really good guys out there, by the way. But it's just like with their brain and how they're wired, is they they go to work, they earn, and then they get what they think will make their lives easier or better or improve it. So when I guess the best way is doing an example, right? So, like, but it's also like when a guy earns something, it helps his manhood. It gives him a sense of purpose in life, and it it really helps. So they they like to earn their things, don't make it think like, oh no, no, no. No, they like that. Okay. So, examples, they will work their ass off for a Ferrari. And then once they get it, they will show it off to their friends, family, get it detailed. No one can eat inside of it. They valet park it out front, they're proud to own it and call it theirs publicly. There is an excitement in their voice when they talk about it. But if you think about it, if someone just gave them a car freely, yeah, they would enjoy the free ride, but they would not hold it as close to their heart. So, babe, be the Ferrari. Let him pursue you. Because that's in a man's nature, right? He wants to pursue. Um, and also, you guys, don't be needy. I feel like needy energy is like a repellent and people can feel it. So have your own life, fill your own cup, have your own front groups and hobbies, and let him show up for you, right? And if he isn't showing up on for you, keep enjoying your own life. And remember, rejection is God's protection. Because if it's not for you, it will go. But let's say it one more time. Let a man pursue you. Let's say it together. Let the man pursue you. Right? You are God's princesses, so you don't ever chase after a man. Because just like the bus or the train, another one's coming in five minutes. I know we've all heard that a thousand times, but sometimes we need things repeated to us so we can really remember. I remember when I was in my 20s and I was crying over this guy, and I was with a girlfriend who was a little bit older than me, and she was just like, babe, the one that you think got away is actually the one you got away from. And that God has made your person for you, and you can't do anything to run them off. You can't give them the ick, nothing. They will stay with you. You could throw up on that man's shoes, he's gonna stay with you. That's how you will know it is for you. It'll also feel really easy, right? Friendships, relationships, all that should feel very easy. It should be fun and easy. It should feel like like breathing, like natural, right? Also, when we see our person, our shoulders should drop. We should feel safe, and we should think, oh my gosh, life just got easier. Oh, they're here. Everything's better. There shouldn't be any anxiety, no stomach aches, no headaches. You shouldn't be feeling any of these things around your man, right? You should be feeling very relaxed around your man. That's how you'll know it's yours, right? Our body sometimes knows before our mind can comprehend, but your body knows we're women, so we have the senses where we can tell when something isn't for us, right? Trying to warn us, this is not the one. Stay away. Okay, angels. So uh that was some important stuff I just told you. That was some good stuff. See, I'm gonna listen back to this and be like, this is what I needed back then. Um, oh yes. So now that we've gone over all that, I'm not on the dating apps, right? I am not. But I do want to date a little bit while I'm still focusing on my work. And it's so interesting because the old me would go to the bars and meet people, right? And it's like, old ways won't open new doors. I don't drink anymore. I can't just go out to the bars or out to nightlife and meet a guy. It's not me anymore. I am like this little health nut. So when I'm thinking about what I like to do is work out, hike, play tennis, maybe do a run club. Like, this is where I should be going and meeting guys. So think about you and your habits and hobbies and try to find someone in that circle so y'all can already have something kind of in common. I feel like you're not gonna find Prince Charming out at the club just because those guys are usually out at the club all the time and looking for girls all the time. And I just don't know if you want that. We say we want that and we want fun, but or oh, this one's not serious. We're just gonna have fun. And we don't, we don't just have fun, we end up getting attached because I feel like deep down all of us want to feel safe and we want a guy who sees us, who's gonna show up for us and be there for us. And so it's like, girl, he's not at the club. That's all I have to say. And you're not gonna just have fun, you're gonna get attached. So really try to go to better places and not just be with the fun guy who calls you only when it's convenient for him. Um, oh my gosh, I'm like mothering, mothering myself and mothering you. Um, yeah. But yeah, we need to go outside more. So we do need to go places, even if we're going alone, even if you're taking yourself to a lunch or a coffee shop, go alone and try to meet people, meet people. It's fun, it's summer. Oh, and this is such a good low paragraph right here. Um, you are a queen, whether you know it or not, you are a queen. So, one, you need to act like it, and two, you cannot date out of your league. You can either date someone above you or someone on the same field, but you cannot date someone lower than you because they will just know, right? They they'll know that you are out of their league and it is a disaster. But when I say someone who's on your level, by the way, I'm talking about their mentality, their daily habits, how they speak, how they dress, their morals and work ethic. You cannot be with a loser, okay? He has to have a vision for himself and his future, he has to know how to lead, right? So you will know the qualities in a loser and you'll know the qualities in a man. And you gotta pick for yourself out of self-respect. You gotta pick the man who leads you, who's a good man, okay? Um, he will just know too. He will know that you're a way out of his league. Everyone with two eyes will know, okay? They can see it. And sometimes those guys who get you, they're like shocked that they got you and they treat you really bad because they're like, oh, if I get her self-esteem really low, she'll stay with me. And you don't want to deal with that. You want to be with someone who's your best friend, your biggest fan, who's gonna lift you up and be there for you. You do not want to be with someone bringing you down all the time. Um, I love cars, right? So I will always bring a back to example of a car. You are the Rolls Royce, you are the top-notch car, right? But if you're in a parking lot full of Hondas, people are gonna look at you and think something's wrong with that Rolls Royce. They're gonna value you for less, and they're not gonna treat you as the way you should be treated. So girlfriend, go be with other Rolls Voices, go be with people on your level, know your level and be there, okay? Um yeah, we we we attract to remember this. We attract what we are or what we think we deserve. So just think bigger. Always think bigger and think better of yourself, and really have that connection with God because that helps a lot to know your worth. Um yeah, so respect yourself, baby girls. Um, the next topic is red flags. These suckers, I am so funny with red flags. Okay, angels. If it looks like a duck and it quacks like a duck and it walks like a duck, then it must be a duck. Same with red flags. If it looks like a red flag, then it must be a red flag. So stop making excuses for people. Do not, I repeat, do not ignore the red flags in the beginning. I love y'all too much to not mention this, but guys will take advantage of you. It's human nature, they will shit test you. So they just want to see how much they can get away with in the beginning, with pushing your boundaries early on. So early on, you have to set those boundaries in place. Do not come off as the chill girl. If something bothers you or you don't like something, let it be known right away. Let it be known right away. Okay? If this person is meant for you and they respect you, remember you only want to be with people who respect you. So if they're meant for you and they respect you, they're gonna change. If they don't change after you tell them, that shows you one, that he doesn't respect you, and two, that it's time to give a little distance and probably start moving on from that person, right? It's it's all you can do, but you don't want to be with someone who's who's not gonna respect those boundaries of yours. And also it's very important to let them know in the beginning because they cannot read our minds. I know we wish they could. I know, I wish like sometimes I could just give a guy a look and a little side eye, and he would be like, Oh, don't do that again. And I just wouldn't have to say anything. But the reality is you have to tell them with your words. We have to communicate more. Ugh, I know you guys, not fun, but we do. Um I just know like how a guy acts around you is how he is. If he's texting multiple women, smoking cigarettes, going out, drinking a bunch, like in front of you in the beginning, this is who he is. He's not putting on an act, you're not gonna be able to change him, accept this man for what he is showing you. Um, there's a saying that says, When people show you who they are the first time, believe them. So I do believe people can change. I believe that they change on their own time. I do not believe that they will change for you. So when they are showing you, believe them, okay? And just know, like, you can make a list. Just know you can make a list of his pros and his cons and see which side has more. And then also think to yourself, if I were to have a son, would I want him to have all the same qualities as this man? And if the answer is no, then that's probably not your guy. It's probably not your man, right? You want someone with good daily habits and mindset, and I'm just trying to help us save some time, angels, because time is all we got, you know? And I know you might think, like, oh, I'll just keep this guy around for fun. This guy will just be my fun guy. I know he's not my husband. Uh, his daily habits are horrible, but he's so hot, or he's so blah, blah, blah. No. We are girls, we get attached. We do. It comes with the game. We just do. So save yourself time and know that eventually you will get attached. And at the end of the day, you just want to be with someone safe, right? So the fun guy isn't gonna be the safe guy. He's not always gonna be there for you. He's gonna be where the fun's at. So really respect yourself with your choices and men, okay, girls. Um, also, there's so many other enjoyable things to do that can give you dopamine and dopamine hits and stim stimulate your brain in enjoyable ways than just getting attention and validation from a guy. That was a good one. Uh recently I just started learning how to play chess. I play pickleball and tennis. Um, I'm trying to learn Spanish. I'm half Spanish, so I'm trying to learn some español. Um so many other things to do than to just get a guy to like you or play that game with him, right? Go build a skill set. You got this, girlfriends. I believe in you so much. Um but yeah, I've also been noticing lately a lot of the guys act really childish, and it's like the maturity is out the window. Like they're trying to keep their inner teenager alive, and I love that. Keep your inner child alive, but like know when and where in what areas to be an adult. Like it's a balance. And I feel like we need more men. Like, we need more men. There's so many boys out there, and men know what they want. Boys play games. That's how you'll know the difference. And as much as I just want to like blame all the men in the world, because I sometimes do, but I won't. I will take responsibility for the men I have picked in the past and dated. Um, you know, they were mirrors of myself, and I really mirrored back to me where I need to work on self-love and self-respect. And it's helped me grow and to learn to pick myself more and to choose myself and to love myself so much more. It's like you almost get fed up and you're just like, I'm not doing this again, and you choose yourself and you grow stronger each time. So, also like just know that you're meant to enjoy this life. And like I said before, it's meant to be easy and it's supposed to be enjoyable, and people are supposed to bring you joy and they're supposed to want to see you win and help you win. And it's supposed to be a good ride, a good journey. So if you're met with chaos and frustration and confusion, if you're confused, just know that's the that's the enemy girlfriend, and that is not your man. You should know. You'll know if a guy likes you, you'll know if a guy is good for you, and you'll know when you're not treating yourself kindly and when you need more self-love by the partners you choose. So yeah, that was really deep. I love that for us that we just did that. But all the people around you should be should honestly be bringing out the best side of you friends, relationships, all of it. Um but yeah, I'm gonna get more vulnerable now. So I've been celibate for three years, and you guys, I I just want to say. I did flirt with the bad boy, with the fun guy. This is why I know all this knowledge. And he was, you know, he had the nose ring and the tattoos and he smoked cigarettes and he was giving Tommy Lee vibes. It was a very like attractive looking Tommy Lee. And I was giving Pamela Anderson vibes. And it was just like a waste of my time. And it really, he hurt my feelings and he was not treating me good. And it just reminded me of the story of Jesus when he was in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights with no water or food. And then the devil came and tempted him. And Jesus stayed strong. Stay strong. Like I talked to that guy for like three months, and I thought to myself, I knew in the beginning, and I should have shut that off way sooner. And it's just like a waste of time. And then you have to build yourself back up again. And it's like you knew better. You knew better. So hopefully I'm helping someone out there right now that they're just like, I'm not going to do that to myself. Stay true to yourself and stay true to your standards and what you want a guy. Like, what do you want in a guy? And how do you want him to treat you? Right? Then I will say too, like, I'm celibate and I'm I'm still a celibate, but also if it's hard for people to do that nowadays, right? So I would say from when you meet him, put at the three month mark, this is the three months. And if he is good around three months and he has been nice to you, and y'all are getting along so well, and you're not, you know, wanting to be celibate or whatever, please at least wait three months. Please, and see if this guy is still around. Do it for me. Okay. And then also don't go from a relationship to relationship. It never works. Whatever you gotta do, but work on yourself. Like, do not go from this guy to that guy because you're just piling up pain. And it you would just rather sit with it and sit with the pain and heal from it than go and add more to it. Because you're just distracting yourself from the hurt before. So really fill your emotions and sit through them. Because you can feel them now or you can fill them later. But either way, you're gonna have to fill them, right? So that's a little more advice I'm giving you. Um, all right. So here it is. Um during this time, I would want you to get really clear on what you want in a man. Write down everything on a list of everything you want in a guy, then write down a list of everything you do for someone you love, right? Now try to give that and do those things for yourself. If you wrote romance, then think of ways you can romance yourself. Buy yourself flowers, like Miley said, or take yourself on a date to the movies. Be that thing for yourself first, be whole first. Also think of qualities or what qualities your husband would want in a woman and start becoming that and raising your frequency. Remember, we attract what we are and what we think we deserve. So think bigger. And while you're becoming her, focus on your close girlfriends and making new girlfriends and your work. They say build the garden and the butterflies will come. So focus on your passions and purpose and what generally makes you happy is going to be way more healing than rushing into a relationship with the next guy. Okay? Write down everything you want for your future and career, and then write down the people you spend the most time with, who you talk on the phone with, and things you do weekly, and really look at it and think: is this bringing me closer to my goals and my career, or is this distracting me from my goals and career? Start going to the gym more, clearing your space, journaling out your mental clutter, touching nature. When is the last time you put your toes in grass or sand? Go do a girlfriend, is so nice and grounding. And if you have a good church that you like to go to, go to church. You guys, just having that relationship with God is so important and so healing and grounding and fills the void that only we all have that emptiness and that void, and God is the only one that can fill it. So make sure you have that connection. Um, and y'all, I don't care what anyone says, Jesus can heal your broken heart. He can. He's done it for me, he can do it for you. Also, eating cleaner, right? Like eating whole foods, like how God intended, so good. Gives you so much clarity. And fasting. Fasting is also very good. Fasting from food, but also fasting from the phone. I live alone, so I yeah, it's very hard for me to fast from the phone, but I'm trying. Okay. I'm gonna try, give it my best. But yeah, okay, yeah. So I just downloaded this new app called Yuka. This is a fun little thing that I did, and everything has barcodes on it, right? So, like food, beauty products, it all has a barred code. And I'm trying to get, you know, healthier in my relationships, but also healthier in my body and being my best me. So I'll go around and I will literally like my face wash or a protein bar and I'll scan on yucca and it will tell me right away if it's bad, if it's poor, bad, good, or excellent. And I can see if I want to put that in my body. Now, of course, there's some perfumes and things. I'm just like, I'm not giving those up. But try not to have like everything toxic in your body, right? Try to be a little clean. Um, yeah. So now that we talked about all the boys to stay away from, I would like to talk about a friend of mine who has been my life for the past seven years, a man that does all the stars and known as the Kardashians plastic surgeon, Dr. Simon Orion. He has been an angel in my life. Thank you so much for just being a really good guy in Hollywood. Honestly, he, like most beauty professions do, has seen every side of me the good, the bad, the ugly. And I would just like, I go into his office and I'm either on my period going through a breakup, or I've been using filters a lot on all the apps. And I'll be like, I need filler here, and I need to do this, I need to do this. And he will literally be like, No, you do not need that. You're beautiful, you're fine. And he'll give me a little lip filler and like send me on my way. And I just want to publicly say thank you to Dr. Simon Orion because he honestly knows exactly what you need and how to keep you youthful. He's been doing this for a very long time. He's worked with so many stars and keeping them looking so beautiful. So he knows, he knows best. Um, I will say, I will embarrassingly say that I have left his office before because he told me no. And I went somewhere else and they've botched it or done something so bad. And I will go back to him to fix it. And he never says, I told you so, or why'd you do that? Him and his staff just take me right in and they're like, Oh yeah, we'll fix it. They fix it every time and send me on my way. And they honestly they feel like family. So I just want to say thank you so much for keeping me youthful and refreshed and for not listening to me. And yes, I'm so blessed for you. Seriously, you are God sent. Um, all right, okay, so we strayed from topics a little bit, but that's fine. Uh, I'm gonna share some affirmations with you, angels, to repeat to yourself for the next week before I go. Whether you write it down or say it to yourself in the mirror, I want you to say it out loud with me. My husband pursues me and likes me ten times more. My husband pursues me and likes me ten times more. All right, so now I'm just gonna pray you guys out. Lord, I just pray that the woman on the other side hearing this is blessed and everything she does is dripped in beauty and favor, and is so in love with her reflection and is aware of how worthy she is of true love. In Jesus' name I pray. Okay, bye bye, you guys. I'll see you angels next Sunday. Thank you so much for joining me, and hopefully, you got some good nuggets out of this.