Ep. 2 Modern Dating Sucks!

on todays episode me and guest  Jackie Dorman  dating coach and match maker, talk about all things from relationship advice to understanding things about a marriage minded man! and things to do in a swipe left culture.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

It's Taylor Ray, and I am back with a second episode of Bless This Mess. And here I have Jackie Dorman with me. You've probably seen her before on Instagram with her dating advice and her really cute videos that you put together. I love them. Oh, thanks. I've been watching them for so long. Usually do them in my car or in my living room. Yeah, they're so cute. Um, so today's episode we're gonna call it Modern Dating Sucks because that is Jackie's book that she wrote. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

Modern dating sucks, a matchmaker's guide to love in a swipe left world.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

Oh my gosh. And it's bad out there.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

I was gonna name it men or trash, but the publisher didn't like that name. So that's why we didn't name it that.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

Yeah, I mean, dating out here has been pretty hard. But this is hard. We're we're doing good. We're doing good. We're doing good.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

And just so you know, there are good guys left in the world. There really are. Now, I don't know if they're in LA, but there are. And I I do see that people in different geographic areas having a much harder time. Really? Yeah, so bigger cities, LA, New York, Miami, you know, even, you know, sometimes Austin, Dallas. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:07

Austin's like a tiny California.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

Yeah, it's a little, it's a little, it's California and Texas. That's what I thought.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

That's what it is. Yeah. Um, so you've been married for 20 years?

SPEAKER_00 1:17

20 years next year. I'll be so 19, 20 years. And he was actually my next door neighbor. Oh cute. It does sound so sweet until you hear the whole story, which is I was divorced. I got married when I was 20.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Oh, yeah, that's young.

SPEAKER_00 1:35

Not a great idea.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:36

And then I was divorced by 32 and I had a five-year-old. Oh my God. And during that time, like my nervous system was dysregulated. I was like stranger, danger everywhere. Yeah. And this guy and these kids, this guy with some kids, moves in next door to me. The same day that I got an email saying that a sex offender had moved into my neighborhood.

unknown 1:55

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 1:56

And of course I didn't know what that meant. I didn't mean, I didn't know it meant the greater neighborhood at large. I just thought my street, my neighborhood. And so this is the guy that was moving in. And my daughter, who's five, wanted to play with his daughter, who was nine. And so I marched right over there and I was like, hey, I know who you are. You know, my daughter's not allowed to play with your daughter. She's not allowed at your house. You know, don't get any ideas, buddy, kind of thing. And I thought he was the sex offender, this registered sex offender. And it was him, it was the guy that I'm married to now. I'm like, and another neighbor saw me like going off on this guy, like out of nowhere. And she was like, What the hell is wrong with you? And I was like, didn't you get the email? She's like, What email? And then I told her, she's like, that's not the guy. Like, that's not who the email was about. But I was like so like hyper-vigilant, you know, because I'd been through so much. Yeah. And then, of course, I apologized. He forgave me. I thought he was gay for a long time. Then I realized he wasn't. Like, talk about assumptions, make an ass out of you and me.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

But that's a good size. That's a good ass out of you and me.

SPEAKER_00 3:00

But eventually, like he was like, How you doing? And then here we are.

SPEAKER_01 3:03

Oh my gosh. So that's a rocky start, but I mean, you guys are lovely now. So yes.

SPEAKER_00 3:09

Yeah, he's a good guy, full of grace for me.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

What is there something to look forward to in marriage for the single girls out there?

SPEAKER_00 3:16

I mean, I married a bestie, right? So we love a lot of the same things. We love hanging out. We love traveling. He's like the proverbial golden retriever husband where he's just doing everything for me all the time, but he's also super talented and you know, just the whole package. And he's cute. He's got a big booty. You know, he's got all he's got all the things. But you know, marry your best friend for sure. Marry someone that you actually like. Yeah. That's the most important thing.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

It's so funny. We do like little butts. Yeah, we do like girls like butts.

SPEAKER_00 3:49

We like, yeah. Well, what the heck? I don't know why that became a man thing. We like butts. We like butts. I saw two hot guys running past our brunch place today with the American flag, and I was like, God bless America.

SPEAKER_01 4:00

God bless America. Oh, this one's big. Okay. So the guys in LA, they dress really good and they take care of themselves. Love it. Like really good. Like full self-care treatment, the full routine. How do we know if they're gay or if they just live in LA?

SPEAKER_00 4:20

I mean, it's hard. You're gonna have to get to know them for sure, see how fluid their sexuality is. Um, but also gotta watch out for the guys that know how to take care of themselves. Here's been my experience as a matchmaker, not a dating coach. The guys that know that they look good and that women are attracted to them right out the gate, they have a lot of options, right? So get yourself a guy who needs a little work. Okay. That house has good bones, right? Fix or uppers are for houses, but they could also be for spouses if, you know, he doesn't have the right shoes on or he's wearing jeans that are too big for him, or you know, he's a 38 and he's wearing a 42 jacket. That's all right. You can fix all that. Just make sure the bones are good. And, you know, because you can reno that project. Because the guys that are move-in ready, those guys, they they have a lot of people who want to move in.

SPEAKER_01 5:09

They have a lot of people.

SPEAKER_00 5:11

So they tend to be a little bit more of the players.

SPEAKER_01 5:13

Yeah, because they they have that. Yeah, everybody wants long.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

Yeah, everybody, everybody wants that move-in ready house. They're like, wow, yeah, you and 15 other women are bidden on that house.

SPEAKER_01 5:24

Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 5:25

No, so get a guy who like you're like, wow, you know, I can I can see how this could could be now. Yeah, a little bit of a glow up.

SPEAKER_01 5:35

That's a good one.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

Did you know that the wife effect is real? Have you seen it?

SPEAKER_01 5:38

No.

SPEAKER_00 5:39

A guy gets married, a good guy gets married. Maybe he doesn't have it all together on the outside, but then you see pictures over the years of him glowing up and up and up. That's the wife effect. That's his wife in action.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

Oh, yeah, because she's like redoing and making everything better so they look good together. Oh my gosh, that is so true.

SPEAKER_00 5:57

Just make sure the foundation is good. You can all the cosmetic stuff can be fixed.

SPEAKER_01 6:01

That's so true.

SPEAKER_00 6:02

It's so true.

SPEAKER_01 6:02

You can just fix them up.

SPEAKER_00 6:04

Yeah. Okay. But women are attracted to the hot guy, the move in ready house that, yeah, it looks good, but maybe the foundation is super cracked.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

It's leaking. All right, it's gonna fall down.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

And what do you think about like, okay, because sometimes they say, like, I've been single for so long. They say, like, when you meet your person, you just know and you go really fast. No. No. Because how are you gonna know if the foundation's cracked?

SPEAKER_00 6:30

I mean, yeah, you gotta get to know this person. I mean, anyone can be on their best behavior for a few weeks, a few months. You know, you gotta get to know them. You gotta get to know them in all different environments around all different people so they can really show that personality that's really there. That's important.

SPEAKER_01 6:45

Oh my gosh. So I when I date, like I don't really bring them around people, but that's the best way to figure out who they are.

SPEAKER_00 6:52

It's true. That I write about this in my book about bringing back the village. So if we date in the village, like in our communities, in our friends groups, so everyone is wants to, you know, do the soft launch. They don't want to really show anybody who they're dating because like what if it doesn't work out? Well, oh, you need to know if it's the right person to work out with by exposing them to your community, the people that know you and love you, because they're gonna sniff out at narcissists much further than much uh faster than you are, especially if you're like, you know, in infatuation. They're gonna sniff it out.

SPEAKER_01 7:24

And I do that, they say girls with ADHD, they get fixated. And yeah, like we get fixed.

SPEAKER_00 7:29

Well, you're probably an empath.

SPEAKER_01 7:31

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:33

Right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:34

I am. Yeah. I was definitely doing that. I'm I'm getting smarter with it. Yeah. I'm like, okay, if I'm gonna be in the dating world, I gotta be smarter. It's definitely a game.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

It is.

SPEAKER_01 7:43

And you gotta know how to play or else you're just like Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

I mean, you you definitely have to know like yourself and what you're looking for. The most successful clients I have are ones that have done their own inner work so that they're no longer chasing nervous system regulation, they're no longer chasing heart wounds that they want to fix in new relationships that happened with older, you know, old people, yeah, the people they used to date or even their family. Like a lot of times you're trying to fix scenarios that happened when you were growing up in your new relationships. So people that have unpacked that, done their heart work is what I call it, those people usually date a lot safer and don't end up with their heart broken every other week.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

I have a thing for really hot guys.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

Well, of course.

SPEAKER_01 8:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 8:27

But but the question is, is that could a, you know, a guy that's not super hot yet, you become hot, right? Under your tutelage. Because the guys, like I said, the guys that are super hot, they know it and they know that they have a lot of options.

SPEAKER_01 8:47

That's true. Right. And then back to sorry, there's my ADHD. And then back to like when you're trying to fix something you had with a parent, whether it's a mother wound or a father wound, that's interesting too. Because sometimes if you're talking to a guy who's a little more feminine, it's probably because you have a mother wound going on, right?

SPEAKER_00 9:05

I mean, it can be, you know, you didn't have the nurturing, so you're gonna be attracted to nurturing guys that maybe are a little bit more passive. And it it's fun at first because they're not aggressive, you're not afraid of them, they're nurturing, they're caring for you. But what would it look like in marriage to be married to someone who can't step up, who can't lead? That's gonna get old pretty quick. And so your type is based on past patterns and it's based on past heartbreak. And a lot of people don't realize it, but their first broken heart happened in family. It didn't happen in romance, right? Yeah. Their heart was broken by a mother, a father, a situation, a divorce that happened in your family, whatever. It wasn't broken by a romantic partner. And so that first heartbreak is going to play out in your dating patterns.

SPEAKER_01 9:51

Oh wow. Yeah. That's a thing. It is. Oh no. You're like, wait, let me think. I was like, yeah, I'm thinking, oh, bow, okay. Yeah, because I think I do get attracted to men that are very like kind of like my dad in a way. Yeah. And I need like to evolve.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

Right.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

I need to go to the body.

SPEAKER_00 10:10

I mean, you know, there could be good things about nothing, is all bad.

SPEAKER_01 10:14

Right.

SPEAKER_00 10:14

Right. So being able to unpack, I call it doing a dating autopsy, being able to dissect your dating life, your situationships, your almost relationships, in your relationships. What do they all have in common? Where's the pattern? So I give that worksheet in my book so people can do it on their own. And then they're like, oh, I see now. I see what I've been doing. Am I, am I the problem? Am I the villain? Yeah. I'm the villain.

SPEAKER_01 10:40

Oh, so good. Yeah. Yeah. It is kind of, it's always marrying back to us. It is. For sure. Right.

SPEAKER_00 10:47

Otherwise, you're a victim all the time. I mean, we have to own it. It's got to be us at some level, right?

SPEAKER_01 10:53

Yeah, you have to look at yourself and be like, why am I allowing the same behavior in different people?

SPEAKER_00 10:58

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 10:59

Why am I doing that to myself? Because no one else is doing it.

SPEAKER_00 11:03

No one else is doing it. So you the call is coming from inside the house. And so once you're willing to take a look at that, your whole dating life will change. In fact, your professional life will change, your friendships will change. Because how you do one type of relationship oftentimes bleeds over into the other relationships too.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

So if you're a toxic giver that's always getting taken advantage of in romance, you probably have friendships like that too. You know, you're always the one that's attracting the takers because you're a toxic giver, not because, like, oh, I'm so great, I'm so loyal. No, your loyalty is overextended because you have low self-esteem or you have an identity issue where you think that all you're good for is other people taking from you. And we got to deal with that.

SPEAKER_01 11:45

And that's a lot in women because we have that mother, we have that mothering where we're like, oh, I have to do this or I have to sacrifice my schedule to go help someone else because they're in a crisis and then you're not even looking at your own boat that's sinking. No. And you're helping someone else.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

Programmed to overfunction. Yeah. As soon as we're born. Women are overfunctioning as soon as they're born, depending on what family you come from. But most of the time. Like it's on you, it's on you. You got to take care. You got to be the caregiver. You've got to, you know, put yourself at the bottom of the list because that's what a good woman would do. It's like, no, you matter too. Put it in balance, have boundaries. That's how everybody wins.

SPEAKER_01 12:24

Yeah. And you just like look better because you can pour more into yourself. Yeah. Take that time. You're not just like getting ran down by go, go, go. You tell me that it's a big thing for a second.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

So mid middle-aged women, because I'm 51, we get a bad rap. Like, men don't want to date, even if it's their age bracket. I'm running into men who they don't want to date a woman past a certain age, because the stereotype is women after a certain age have let themselves go. They look, you know, they're fat, they're this, they're that. The truth is, is that that is a cycle of women being programmed to overfunction, putting everyone else's needs before themselves. And now we see an entire generation of women past midlife that, yeah, they have let themselves go because they were tending to other people and they didn't realize that they mattered too. So that is what's happening. It's not menopause, it's not because you're getting older. I mean, you know, we can look at me. I'm 51 years old because I don't put myself on the top of the list, but I'm near the top of the list because I matter too.

SPEAKER_01 13:23

Yeah, and it shows.

SPEAKER_00 13:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:25

Oh, right? It's such a big difference, you guys. I'm like, like you really have to put yourself first. It's so important.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

You have to. I mean, who how are you gonna help anybody else? Remember on the airplane, put your mask on first before you help anybody else.

SPEAKER_01 13:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:38

You have to do that.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

I love that.

SPEAKER_00 13:40

That's good.

SPEAKER_01 13:41

So you officiate weddings.

SPEAKER_00 13:43

I do.

SPEAKER_01 13:44

That's so fun.

SPEAKER_00 13:46

And one fun thing about it is that I always ask the man and the woman, the groom and the bride, when did you know? Right? Because you just said before, when you know you know. Yeah. Well, yeah, when you know, you know, but it doesn't have to happen quickly. But in a hundred percent of the weddings that I've officiated, the guy said he knew within the first couple dates or the first couple weeks, every single one of them. And these are really great couples that are gonna do really well in marriage. So these are healthy guys. That's the change, that's the difference. They're healthy guys that have done some work, they're marriage-minded, they're not just marriage curious, they're marriage-minded. And they knew, they knew, like, hey, I wanna lock this down. And so for all the girls out there that are like, I don't know, I'm trying to decode his messages, I don't know if he wants me or if he doesn't want me. That man is either two things not interested in you or not ready for any woman, right? He's just not ready yet. He's gonna go through a couple more relationships before he gets to a place where he's actually ready. And I have a theory that men don't marry the most exciting, intoxicating woman they've ever met. They marry the woman that's in front of them that they're attracted to and that they enjoy when they're ready to get married. So when they get to the season where they're ready to get married, whoever's there that they're attracted to and they enjoy, they're gonna marry that woman.

SPEAKER_01 15:08

Is that usually like 45 for guys right now?

SPEAKER_00 15:10

Like in the year 2026, it could be anything. I have 20-year-olds that are marriage ready. They've done the work, you know, they know they want someone to grow and build with and that it doesn't have to be perfect. And then there's guys that are still in their 50s, like out here like Peter Pan, thinking they have all the time in the world. And then they show up and they're like, find me a 25-year-old. I'm like, I'm not that kind of matchmaker. You can go find someone else.

SPEAKER_01 15:32

Yeah. No, it's it's so interesting to see the the guys do that.

SPEAKER_00 15:38

I know. And I can't convince a 50-year-old that a 20-year-old is interested in him for his personality. It's like, bro, if you're rich, I might be able to help you, but if not, that's not a match.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

That's not gonna match. You're gonna tell the age difference and it's gonna annoy you at some point.

SPEAKER_00 15:52

It's gonna annoy you. Those are transactual relationships. And if both people know that and they're okay with that, then that's fine because men are like, women are gold diggers. Also, men, get me a 25-year-old and I'm 52. It's like, what do you think she wants you for? My, my, I was gonna make a video about this today. My pet peeve are guys that show up that are like, women are gold diggers. And I was like, Where's your gold, bro? Where are you gonna give it? Seriously, you have an air mattress, three roommates, a gaming chair, you have a 2016 Honda Civic. Where's your gold? What gold? I mean, where's the heist? You're Ashley furniture sectional? Like, what are we stealing? You know, what's happening? But they're convinced women are gold diggers. I'm like, you know, get some gold and then we'll talk about it.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

Like what? Oh my gosh. I know. Yeah, I mean, I definitely see a lot of that in LA, but I have like I think my dating poll now is because I'm 32. Oh so I feel like like my age to like maybe 42, 40.

SPEAKER_00 16:53

I think that's I think that's great that you're open to that.

SPEAKER_01 16:56

Right? Yeah, it's for yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

A lot of people have really ridiculous non-negotiables. That's one of the reasons why people are single because their preferences have now become deal breakers. And the height thing, I just said the ridiculous thing about men, the whole gold digger thing. But women are really crazy about the height.

SPEAKER_01 17:15

I am. I want a tall man.

SPEAKER_00 17:18

I mean, you're not short though. Like I'm 5'10, are you like 5'7, 5'8? How tall are you?

SPEAKER_01 17:22

Um, yeah, I'm 5'8. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 17:25

Yeah. So I mean, you don't want to feel like you want to feel feminine.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:29

Right? But these little tiny girls, these little fun-size girls, they're like 4'11. They want a six foot five man.

SPEAKER_01 17:36

And they're getting them. I see it all the time. I know.

SPEAKER_00 17:38

Have you seen the tall tour?

SPEAKER_01 17:40

Oh, I my girlfriend told me about this. You have to go to that. My girlfriend told me about this tall tour. Yes, Tyler.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

They're giving you a shout out, Tyler. Uh, I was, yeah, it looks amazing, but the guys are all over six feet, you know. A lot of them are like six five, six, six. But I am 5'10 and I'm married to a guy who's 5'8. It can be done.

SPEAKER_01 18:01

It can be done.

SPEAKER_00 18:02

I mean, he's super cute, you know, he's got great eyes, got a big booty, like I said before. You know, he's talented, he's sweet, he's awesome, he's caring. I just want everyone to know that that really shouldn't be a non-negotiable unless you're like a big framed girl. And then I get it.

SPEAKER_01 18:18

That makes sense. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:21

Yeah. I need to be a little more open.

SPEAKER_00 18:23

A little open.

SPEAKER_01 18:23

A little more open. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:25

Now, girls that are like, but Jackie, I'm 5'2. I can't marry a guy shorter than me. Yeah, that's true.

unknown 18:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

You probably don't. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:31

That'd be way too short.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:34

Okay. And so my mom's in Austin. So we connect through Texas. I know.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

Maybe your mom is my future bestie. Oh my gosh, she is. She probably is.

SPEAKER_01 18:43

Okay, so you're a professional matchmaker and relationship coach. What all does that entail? What does that mean?

SPEAKER_00 18:49

Well, I mean, a lot of people need coaching. Like if you didn't have the results that you wanted in any area of your life, like in work, in working out, whatever, you would get a coach, right? You'd find someone who knows more than you that can help accelerate your success. And so I help people in that area with dating, with relationships, just help them be successful, accelerate their success, show them their blind spots, their filters. I have a community of singles called Last Year Single, and we have a really fun community-based matchmaking app coming out this summer. How fun. Yeah, we're bringing the village back. So people will be able to meet friends. So often I run into people that are like, I don't even really have close friends.

SPEAKER_01 19:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:28

Right? And it's like, well, how are you supposed to date within community if you don't even have a community? Right. So helping people bring back that village in their lives. And then as far as matchmaking, that's self-explanatory. I take few and far between clients. I have to really know I can be successful with you. And all of my clients do what I call heartwork, which is my proprietary protocol to get your blind spots cleared off so that we can really work together.

SPEAKER_01 19:52

Oh my gosh, this sounds amazing.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

It is fun. Yeah. It's my favorite thing.

SPEAKER_01 19:56

Speaking of coaching right now, I am on a meal prep. You are? I am. She's weak as a kitten. I am on a calorie deficit, but I have Coach Carl. So I can understand what you're saying, like with the dating and all that, and trying to figure out what's going on inside things that you can't see is so important because with Coach Carl and my meal preps, I have cravings and things and patterns I do I've never seen before. And now he's showing light to it. And I'm like, oh my, and that's where the real change happens. It's so important to have a coach. It's actually needed.

SPEAKER_00 20:30

It is so needed. And people are finally realizing why would I just go around in circles for a whole nother year? I can get Coach Carl, right? To help me. And same thing with dating. I think people feel like it's supposed to be organic, like boy meets girl and falls in love. Well, we live in 2026, all right? We're dating strangers from the internet. We're doing things that we've never done before. And because we're doing things we've never done before, we need help like we never have before. And that just, you know, for people that want to get married, they want lineage, legacy, family, they're going to have to figure out what that means. And you probably need a coach or at least a course, at least a class. Read a book. You know, do something. If it's not working out in your life, that that means you're missing something. So let's find it.

SPEAKER_01 21:12

That is so good.

SPEAKER_00 21:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:14

And also I want to let you guys know the meal preps is called Sunfare, and it ships nationwide, and it's incredible food.

SPEAKER_00 21:22

Wow. Yeah. Oh, it's they make food for you.

SPEAKER_01 21:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:25

Oh, I need that.

SPEAKER_01 21:26

It's literally, it's in the fridge. All my days are planned. I have my two meals a day. I have my berries.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

I love it.

SPEAKER_01 21:32

It's changing my life because I'm not having to think all the time, what am I about to eat? I need to go plan this. It's like done. I just put it in the pan. I don't put it in the microwave, I put it in the pan. Boom.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

Perfect.

SPEAKER_01 21:43

It's so good.

SPEAKER_00 21:44

And it's so good for all the single girlies out there, especially the ones that are not having any sexy time, because it is a proven scientific fact that women that are of the dirty 30s, okay, that high ovulation season of life, uh, they are eating. Lots of sugar if they're not having sex. Did you know that?

SPEAKER_01 22:04

No.

SPEAKER_00 22:05

Yes, they are.

SPEAKER_01 22:06

Yeah, okay. So I'm celibate three years, and that makes so much sense because I was having so much sugar. I'm day 21 right now, no sugar.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

Wow, that's impressive. Day 21. Yeah, they're gonna crave it more just because of what's going on in their body. So yeah, dirty 30s are a real thing. Dirty 30s are a real thing.

SPEAKER_01 22:24

It's a real thing. Yeah. I'm learning so much with you.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

I'm so proud of you for being celibate. Did you see Ashley Graham's story? No. So she was like, you know, doing the things that people do. She was knocking boots. She was trying to, you know, find the guy. She was dating people, hoping he was gonna be the one and, you know, sleeping with them and all the things. And then she's like, this isn't working. So let me try something different. So she decided from the very beginning when she dated someone to be like, hey, I'm abstinent, I'm celibate, you know, what are you gonna do with that? And this guy showed up for it. He's like, I am too. I love that. And they're married now. And they're married. Yes, they're married now.

SPEAKER_01 22:57

She just said it from the beginning.

SPEAKER_00 22:58

She said it from the beginning. She's like, look, I'm doing something different in my life. This is not what I used to do. This is what I'm gonna do. And that's one of the criteria of working with me as matchmaking, is that there's no sex on the table. And the reason why is because it makes the water so muddy. Even if you're not a person of faith, even if you're not someone who believes sex is for marriage, it still is such a um, you know, a red flag hider. It is.

SPEAKER_01 23:23

It is.

SPEAKER_00 23:24

You will not see what you need to see. Or you get hypnotized. Yeah, you get hypnotized because there's chemicals being released, there's all kinds of, especially for women, attachment chemicals being released. You will overlook all kinds of crazy stuff if you are attached it that way. So I'm like, look, if you want to work with me, this has to be off the table so we can see what we're really working with.

SPEAKER_01 23:46

It's so good.

SPEAKER_00 23:46

Yeah. With the guys too. And the guys sometimes push back a little bit. And I'm like, well, you know, then I'm not the right coach for you.

SPEAKER_01 23:53

Yeah. Yeah. No, I think it's it's like people need to go out and like have a picnic again. Yeah. What happened to that? Right. Just like straight to like the club, the bed, next day. It's like let's get to know these people. Yeah. It's like cultures, like, oh, let's go out so we can meet people. It's like about joining a run club.

SPEAKER_00 24:13

You should listen, you should join all the clubs. So all the single girls out there that are tired of the apps, uh, and I write all about why you're tired of the apps. There's a there's a whole psychology behind apps. It's the same as casinos and slot machines. That's what they develop them. The engineers develop them on the same psychology. So it's it's meant to keep you swiping, it's meant to keep you pulling for the bigger prize, right? And so for those that are tired of that, you should be getting into communities. Run clubs, uh, co-working clubs. There's different apps that get you together with people, not for the purpose of romance, but romance can bloom there. So, like meetups, you know, our what's it called, time left, like going to dinner with a bunch of strangers.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

That kind of stuff. And utilizing the six degrees of separation. So I write about this in my book. So every one of us, you've heard of this, right? The six degrees to Kevin Bacon. No, I've got to be. Okay, that's a game. So it just is a it's a scientific method that says that we are six people from knowing everyone in the whole world.

unknown 25:12

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_00 25:13

You're six people. Like right now, I am one degree of separation from Justin Bieber. Okay, just one degree of separation. I know someone who works with him on his team. So I'm one degree. I'm one degree of separation from Donald Trump. Don't kill me, but I am. I am one degree of separation from so many different people. And then two degrees, three degrees, meaning three people separate me from that person, right? In every match I've ever had where I'm the person that connected the dots, I introduced those two people to each other. Or they think that I did because when we play back the tapes, they knew so many of the same people.

SPEAKER_01 25:48

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_00 25:49

And they like they're, you know, her sister's best friend worked with his mom's, um, his mom at a company, or they went to the same college different years, just crazy stuff. You know, I even have this crazy picture where this couple is dancing on the same dance floor at a wedding. Here's the bride and groom dancing in the middle, he's over here, she's over there. They didn't meet at this huge wedding, but they both were friends with the bride and groom, and then they met like six months later at a seminar for their job because they worked at the same place.

SPEAKER_01 26:20

Oh my gosh, but they hadn't met.

SPEAKER_00 26:22

They hadn't met. But they knew so many of the same people. And in those pictures, they're they're both in the picture, right? And so you have no idea. So I'm a firm believer in somebody knows somebody who knows your soulmate.

SPEAKER_01 26:37

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 26:38

Right now, right now, there's someone who is having coffee, running, playing pickleball with your future husband. Someone in your extended community, right? Maybe six degrees, maybe five degrees, five people, four people from you. And that's why you have to tell all the good people that you know, because good people know good people, like, hey, I want to date. I want to meet someone. Here's my non-negotiables, right? That's why you have to know what they are. This is what I'm looking for. If you ever run across anyone that wants to meet someone and they're, you know, they they have this, then send them my way. Fix me up.

SPEAKER_01 27:13

Okay. So, like putting yourself out there a little more.

SPEAKER_00 27:16

Yeah, well, within people that you know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:19

I like that.

SPEAKER_00 27:19

Right. I have a running list in my phone of people that I meet as a matchmaker. And everyone can be their own matchmaker. You know, so good. They can just put people in your phone.

SPEAKER_01 27:31

Hey, yeah, maybe this person could be with this person.

SPEAKER_00 27:34

Yeah. Have you ever made a match?

SPEAKER_01 27:36

Have I ever made a match? No. Okay. I mean, maybe like back in high school, like younger. Yeah. But I don't think like anytime recently. I've just been working so much.

SPEAKER_00 27:46

Yeah. But you want to class people all the time that are not your person, but they may be someone else's person.

SPEAKER_01 27:52

Oh, yeah. Oh, I know I know so many people. Right.

SPEAKER_00 27:54

So if you meet like a really good guy, you have to always save him because you're like, he's somebody's person.

SPEAKER_01 28:00

I meet everyone in entertainment. Well, there's good people in entertainment. No, there is. Yeah, they're really good people. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:07

I love, I love matchmaker. I believe that what you help make happen for others, God makes happen for you.

SPEAKER_01 28:13

That's that's so true. What's good? What's another thing they say? Um, if it's good for the neighbor, it's good for the neighborhood. Absolutely. Anytime you see someone around you winning, it's like get excited because it's your next.

SPEAKER_00 28:27

Yeah. I used to have a really funny student. Her name was Casey, and people would be just popping like popcorn, like getting engaged in my program. And she was still single, and there were other girls that were still single, and she's like, come on, girls. She's like, don't get upset. She's like, this just means God's in the neighborhood. That's what she that's what she would say.

SPEAKER_01 28:46

It means it's happening. She's like, get excited.

SPEAKER_00 28:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:48

I know. I love being around married people and couples. Yeah. Because I'm like, okay, it's possible. Right. Like when I'm in LA and I'm around married people, I'm like, yes.

SPEAKER_00 28:56

And they're great matchmakers. Definitely tell married people what you want to meet in a guy because they're the best matchmakers.

unknown 29:03

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 29:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:04

Okay. I'm going to tell a couple of my Oh, and I have you on my radar now. I know. Now she is. Yeah. We'll see what happens. Um, okay, and then also I want to talk about uh not giving guys girlfriend privileges eat before you're his girlfriend.

SPEAKER_00 29:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:18

I feel like a lot of girls do that, or we're like, it just kind of happens, and we don't mean to, but we're just giving like too much too soon.

SPEAKER_00 29:26

Right. You know, it goes back to like women overfunctioning, right? From the time we're born, we're just we're just taught to overfunction and to do and to do for others, which is not a bad thing. We just have to make sure that that gift is not overextended because then it becomes a weakness for us. But as far as not giving him girlfriend privileges, yeah, I mean, you know, he first of all, you need to know where this is going pretty quickly, in my opinion, right? Is he a marriage-minded guy? It doesn't mean that he's gonna marry you, but is he someone who's looking for his partner, right? Because I'm not even gonna invest my time into a relationship with you if I'm a marriage-minded woman, if you're not a marriage-minded man. And that stuff shows up early with how intentional he is. Is he consistent, right? And like, does he make plans and cancel them? Is he prioritizing you? Don't prioritize a man who's not prioritizing you. Because that means that he's not marriage-minded, he's good time minded. And you don't want that. And so a lot of women will go into what I call the chill girl script.

SPEAKER_01 30:24

Oh, yeah. Right?

SPEAKER_00 30:27

If I'm not too high maintenance, if I'm always cool and I'm down in last minute plans, cool, that's great, wonderful. You know, he's gonna like me because I'm so easygoing. No, that's exactly why he's going to take you for granted. That's what's gonna happen, right? Yeah, you're like, but I'm afraid of being too high maintenance, you know, and then he's not gonna want to be with me. No, men love a challenge, especially for a woman that they're interested in. They want to be challenged. They do, trust me.

SPEAKER_01 30:54

I'm pretty high maintenance. I try to act like I'm not though when I'm a guy. I'm like, don't worry about it. But like I do hair, I do my spray tan. Like I like to be girly. So it's like, yeah, sometimes guys I feel like could get annoyed with that or that you're taking too long. Actually, I don't take that long.

SPEAKER_00 31:11

Not any guy that is super interested in you. They'll wait forever for you. But I mean like more emotionally high maintenance. A lot of times women will hide their feelings, they'll hide that they want more, they'll hide that they're looking for a relationship, hoping that he's just gonna fall so madly in love with them that he's gonna want to be with them because they're so easygoing. You can't, if you want a relationship, you gotta say that. Have you heard of clear coding?

SPEAKER_01 31:33

No.

SPEAKER_00 31:33

From the very beginning, you're very clear about what it is that you're looking for. Because guess what? If he thinks you're too much, then he was already planning on giving you too little. So that is not, girl, that's not the right guy. That was good. The right guy is never gonna think that you're too much by simply stating what it is that you're looking for.

SPEAKER_01 31:51

Yeah, just be clear in the beginning.

SPEAKER_00 31:52

Clear. Gotta be clear. You're not gonna trick him. We're not gonna trick him.

SPEAKER_01 31:56

You can't trick someone to liking you. They either like you or they don't.

SPEAKER_00 31:59

Yeah, they either want to show up. I've seen guys drive all the way across town in traffic in Austin to take, you know, her an iced coffee on her 15-minute break. He's not even gonna get to spend any time with her.

SPEAKER_01 32:12

If a man would do that with someone.

SPEAKER_00 32:14

When a man loves a woman, that's what they do.

SPEAKER_01 32:16

See, and I that's romantic to me.

SPEAKER_00 32:18

That's what they do.

SPEAKER_01 32:19

That's so like, can I just bring you a matcha real fast? I just want to see you for five minutes.

SPEAKER_00 32:22

I just want to see your face. I dismiss you. See your face.

SPEAKER_01 32:25

You can barely get guys to drive over to you in LA. They're like, oh, it's traffic.

SPEAKER_00 32:29

All the wrong guys. Those are guys, once again, that are not marriage-minded men. They're just looking for companionship with a woman, they're looking for other things with a woman. You know, they like to be around women. They want a woman in their life. They don't, they're not ready to, or they haven't met the person who's gonna make them want to show up like a husband. So why would you waste your time on that? Yeah, you can't like it. He might be a husband for someone else some some other time down the road. He's just not your husband. Are people out here still getting married? They still into that? Um, in your age bracket, in your 30s, like, are people still looking to get married? Women, are they still looking to get married?

SPEAKER_01 33:07

Yes, the women are.

SPEAKER_00 33:08

Okay. Just checking. So why? Because like I do a lot in New York, and the women there, when they're ready to get married, this is gonna sound kind of crazy, but they move out of New York. So they like live their best sex in the city lives, Carrie Bradshaw lives. By the way, she's pretty unhinged when you watch her back, right? It's like Carrie was an anxious attacher. What the heck? Yeah, very anxious. But they move out of the city because they know that they're not gonna meet what they want there. They either move back to their small towns or they move out of the city, like to Jersey or someplace. And that's kind of the signal of I'm ready for marriage and family.

SPEAKER_01 33:41

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_00 33:42

Isn't that crazy?

SPEAKER_01 33:43

I do love Texas.

SPEAKER_00 33:44

So I'm wondering, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:46

We will bring you back.

SPEAKER_00 33:46

Come on.

SPEAKER_01 33:47

I'm taking dating advice from her right now as I'm doing a podcast.

SPEAKER_00 33:50

You're having great fun. Well, you know, so much of Hollywood's coming to Austin. I know. I know, and um Taylor Sheridan in Dallas.

SPEAKER_01 33:59

Yeah. And Dallas is a great place.

SPEAKER_00 34:01

It's a great place.

SPEAKER_01 34:02

Um, a girlfriend years ago that moved from here to Dallas and got married. She has a kid now. Yeah. She's just living the Dallas life.

SPEAKER_00 34:10

Living the Dallas life.

SPEAKER_01 34:12

I just love LA so much though.

SPEAKER_00 34:15

I like it here too.

SPEAKER_01 34:16

I love the hiking. I love the beach. I feel like I've just like turned into a little bit of LA girl. I don't know, but maybe this could be a vacation spot too. Honestly, I'm very open. Very letting God That's beautiful, right?

SPEAKER_00 34:28

You have to be open.

SPEAKER_01 34:29

You have to be open.

SPEAKER_00 34:30

You do. Like, it's not a non-negotiable unless you have an amazing job or you're taking care of an elderly parent, or if you're a divorce girly like I was, and you have shared parenting and you can't move. Okay, then it can be a non-negotiable that you're gonna stay put where you are. But you have to be open to wherever the love story is gonna take you.

SPEAKER_01 34:47

Yeah. You do, you do, you do.

SPEAKER_00 34:49

I mean, within reason.

SPEAKER_01 34:51

And you've got to just like trust God. I feel like right now I'm in my season of trusting God. I feel like I have so much control over everything. Yeah. And all these, like this, I can't have this or that. And now I'm just like, you know what? I'm open. Yeah. Kind of like we said, like, he doesn't have to be six seven. It'd be great if he was.

SPEAKER_00 35:08

Wow, that's tall. That's tall. Have you been next to six seven? Yeah. That's like, hi, you're so tall. You're gonna find you're gonna feel like a little tiny, teeny tiny girl. Wear my heels with this man. There you go.

SPEAKER_01 35:19

No, but um, no, he doesn't have to be six seven, but like six two would be great. But now I'm more open. Yeah. If it has to be five, eight, five, nine, and it's a great man, be like a great father or something.

SPEAKER_00 35:33

Totally. Yeah. Short kings, right? I always say, hey, give the short kings a chance, but just make sure that they're kings because other then they're just short.

SPEAKER_01 35:42

Then they're just short.

SPEAKER_00 35:43

It's just short, and that's not good.

SPEAKER_01 35:45

Yeah, I have dated a shorter guy before.

SPEAKER_00 35:47

Wasn't a king.

SPEAKER_01 35:48

And he wasn't a king.

SPEAKER_00 35:50

No, me too.

SPEAKER_01 35:51

Yeah. Yeah. Well, this was so much fun. Let's see if I have any more questions. Oh, yeah, let's talk about um picking a partner that shows up for you when it's not all that fun.

SPEAKER_00 36:06

You have to. You know, when you're thinking that you're falling in love with someone and you're picturing your future together, do not picture the vacations, do not picture the hot sex, do not picture that solely. Picture the hard times. Picture being nine months pregnant, being overdue, having hemorrhoids, picture, you know, postpartum. What's it gonna look like with a newborn that's not sleeping? What's that look like? What's it look like if someone's in an accident or God forbid someone gets ill? What's it look like to be with this person when you lose your parent? I just went through that. I'm not gonna cry. I just went through that. My mom passed away. She was only 65 years old. And, you know, the man I'm married to is the person next to me during those four years that she was fighting cancer. You know, he's the person that was showing up, picking me up and loving me and, you know, holding me steady. So you have to make sure that the person that you're marrying, whether it's a guy or a girl, you know, because I know that Pete, there's guys probably listening. So you need to make sure that this person is someone that has the character traits that you want in a partner, because it really is a partnership.

SPEAKER_01 37:10

Yeah, I know that was so good because we do fantasize about just looking good together and going out and taking photos. That's our aesthetic. Yeah, you know, like now when life gets hard and it's not so hot and fun anymore. Yeah. Are they gonna be there? Are they gonna be busy?

SPEAKER_00 37:24

Totally.

SPEAKER_01 37:24

Because they have work to go do.

SPEAKER_00 37:26

Marry the Benny. Mary Benny, right? Benny? Yeah, Benny Blanco.

SPEAKER_01 37:32

Oh yeah, Lina.

SPEAKER_00 37:34

Yeah, so I mean, like Mary, like he he's a gold retriever. Yeah, you know, there for her, loved her. She was sick, she went through a bunch of stuff, all the stuff. I mean, marry that guy. Yeah, right? I mean, you know, maybe wax his eyebrows, but marry that guy. Did you see where he like filled a bathtub of nacho cheese for her? I love him. Marry that guy. You know, marry the guy that's just gonna adore you. And that's the other thing. I don't believe this could be a hot take and this could be, you know, unpopular opinion, but I do not believe that you should marry anyone, ladies, that you're not their dream girl. Seriously. That's how it has to be. The guy has to be head over heels in love, not a love bomb bomber, not toxic love, not toxic infatuation, but like just in such admiration of you because otherwise not gonna work. It isn't, right? If he's just like kind of likes you, you're okay, you know, whatever. No.

SPEAKER_01 38:34

You need someone who's like right.

SPEAKER_00 38:36

That's why I don't understand why these girls they they beg someone to love them, they keep it going, like for instance, Carrie and Mr. Big. She finally won him over, like with sheer determination and all the things, but why would you want that person? Yeah, you know, why would you want them? If you're not what they're looking for, if they're not so happy and they feel like the luckiest guy alive to be next to you, it's not the right guy.

SPEAKER_01 39:00

So this is because my next question, it's kind of you a little bit answered it, but like if he's not texting you back.

SPEAKER_00 39:07

No. I mean, that's less than bare minimum, right? Right? We've got guys in history that gave up their thrones to marry a woman because she was divorced, and the Catholic Church said, no, you can't marry that person as the future king. And he was like, You can take this king job and shove it because I love her. And then this guy can't text you back? That's what you're gonna settle for? Seriously? I mean, you have your answer. That's information.

SPEAKER_01 39:32

But we need to hear it.

SPEAKER_00 39:34

Yeah. And once again, it doesn't mean he's a horrible person because this is what women are like, but he's a great guy. He's just not your guy.

SPEAKER_01 39:40

He's just not my guy.

SPEAKER_00 39:41

Just not your guy. Because if he was, he wouldn't just be texting you back. He'd be showing up in person when you're not expecting it. My husband, okay, this is back before like GPS or whatever. We lived in the same neighborhood because we were neighbors. Before I was his girlfriend, I would just be places. And some of you are gonna think this sounds creepy, but it's not only not creepy because we're married and he's amazing. But back then, I would get in my nails done or something, and he'd just pop up. He'd be like, Hey, I saw your call in the parking lot. I just popped in. Like, how are you? Like, how are you doing? What's going on? You know? Haven't seen you around in a minute. Just pop up. Just pop up. And he still does that to this day. Like, I was at I was at the hair salon getting my hair done. I'm like, dang it, I forgot my phone at home. And then I'd think to myself, man, it'd be so great if my husband just walks through that door with my phone and a matcha. And bing, there he was. Phone and matcha. Right. And I didn't manifest that. It's just like that's the kind of man I have. He was at home, he saw my phone, like, my wife needs her phone. She's gonna want that. He knows me. He knows you. And he's like, let me get a little matcha too, right? Yes. This is the kind of man you want. And before the guys that are listening say, oh, great, you know, she's a passenger princess. What do we get out of the deal? A woman who is loved like that is gonna show up strong for her man.

SPEAKER_01 40:56

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:57

Oh yeah. The more that you love us, the more we're going to admire and respect you. And it's a beautiful two-way street.

SPEAKER_01 41:03

It really is. Yeah. When someone says for you, you actually like give back more. You just decide.

SPEAKER_00 41:08

The safer you're gonna feel and the more that you're going to love. The safer you feel as a woman, the more you're gonna love.

SPEAKER_01 41:14

Yeah. Because the clarity of it all. I know. Clarity. You're not confused and you can understand and you can communicate and they know you. I mean, I don't know what it's like, but I'm sure you're you're going to.

SPEAKER_00 41:26

You are. 32 is a great age. It's a great age for a love story.

SPEAKER_01 41:30

Yeah. I hope so. It is. Were you the one saying that um it's the last summer being single? Is this your thing?

SPEAKER_00 41:38

Yeah, last year single is my thing. Last year's single. And there's yesterday was July 2nd, right? Yeah. Okay, so that's halfway through the year. That's the midpoint. Six months is more than enough time to get a love story going.

unknown 41:50

Huh?

SPEAKER_00 41:51

People can end 2026 in a love story. Not married, probably, but in a love story because you want a little time to plan your wedding.

SPEAKER_01 41:59

Yeah, you definitely have to plan that.

SPEAKER_00 42:02

Yeah, don't marry someone you just met. Don't do that.

SPEAKER_01 42:05

Okay, so I think that a lot of the girls are getting married this year.

SPEAKER_00 42:09

A lot. Yeah. Yeah. It's that time. A lot of girls are gonna meet their future husband this year. I mean, it's gonna happen for someone. Why can't it happen for them? I mean, literally, it's gonna happen for somebody. Why not you?

SPEAKER_01 42:22

It's so true. Right. And just trust God's planning, work on yourself. Yes. And completely just surrender to that.

SPEAKER_00 42:30

Yeah. Just work. Know what you want and don't be afraid to say no to what you don't want because that makes room for what you want to show up.

SPEAKER_01 42:39

Yeah, don't be in a scarcity mindset. Like, oh, he he checks some of these boxes, I'll just keep him. No. Wait for all the boxes.

SPEAKER_00 42:47

Yes. Especially when the boxes are on the non-negotiable list. Okay. Yeah, the preferences will be mixed in. But if you know your non-negotiables, make sure that all those boxes are checked. The rest of them, you know, you can live without it. It'd be nice, but kind of just like, let God surprise you. Let the non-negotiables be there. And then let's see what else gets in the mix. Because you never know what you like until you know what you like.

SPEAKER_01 43:14

It's true.

SPEAKER_00 43:15

It's really true. We think that we know what we want and what we like, and then something else shows up, and we're like, I never thought that I would like this. The number one thing that women say to me, they say, Jackie, before your coaching, you know, before I worked with you, I had a really strong idea of what my type was and what I wanted. But this guy that I'm married to now, I probably would have never taken a second look at him based on what my preferences were before. But I'm so madly in love. I am so happy. I'm so glad that, you know, I did this work and now I have the fruit of it.

SPEAKER_01 43:48

I need to do heart work with you.

SPEAKER_00 43:50

Okay, let's do it.

SPEAKER_01 43:50

We're gonna do it.

SPEAKER_00 43:51

Yeah, I mean, you're working with Coach Carl. It's a perfect time.

SPEAKER_01 43:54

I know.

SPEAKER_00 43:54

Perfect time. Inner and outer, inner and outer work. Let's go.

SPEAKER_01 43:57

Yes, from the inside out. We're gonna be glowing.

SPEAKER_00 44:00

Glowing.

SPEAKER_01 44:01

Well, thank you so much for being here. Bless this mess. Yes. And I'm just gonna do a quick prayer for us and the girlies.

SPEAKER_00 44:08

Awesome.

SPEAKER_01 44:09

Yeah. Yeah. So, dear Lord, I just pray that the girls on the other side of the screen watching just know that their man is coming and he's going to be everything that they wish for and check all the boxes. I also pray that Jackie just keeps reaching young women and men out there and helping bring true love together and that we just really understand that unconditional love is the most important and that love is the answer. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

SPEAKER_00 44:40

Amen.

SPEAKER_01 44:41

Awesome.

SPEAKER_00 44:41

Yes, so good. I know.