Grief and my deep lose.

This is sorta off topics off normal but this is for loss of my lifelong best friend Moose. And brother refound! 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Good afternoon, listeners to Medicine Wheel Ministries, where we challenge our hearts, minds, opinions. I'm your host, Bear. Please note that all things in this podcast are of my own thoughts and opinions, and nothing more beyond that. Also, this is rated for mature. Please do not listen to this podcast with young children around. Thank you. Now, welcome to Medicine Wheel Ministries. I want to apologize. We're a little uh later than um we normally would be for once-a-week uh releases. Um I suffered a very deep, tragic loss um to a very dear friend uh this last week, and uh it kind of took me pretty deep. Uh you know, everybody handles grief in different ways, but I don't want to feel about the loss of one brother and gained regained another one. Um I want to celebrate the life of uh my dear friend Moose. Uh he was an extraordinary man with an unbelievably big heart. This man lived for love and lived for passion of life, and he had been through so much tragedy through his entire life from childhood on up. Um I've known the man since I was five years old. And, you know, through the loss, and unfortunately I found out through Facebook of all things, um it was uh a lifelong friendship, you know. And I gained another, you know, uh, well, I should say regained a uh brotherhood of somebody that was just as important part of our lives, Moose and mine, um, at the same time. And we didn't realize it. We've talked a couple of times in adulthood and had no idea that um we were kind of like the three musketeers back in those days. So, you know, um we all have connections in life and we lose touch with some people and then we regain it, and you know, going through discussions, figure out holy crap, we were both, you know, same area, same time, you know, several times throughout your life, or how you have basically a uh mirrored life experiences, you know. Um we we believe that we have a mirror everywhere. Some cultures anyway. And with Moose and me, it was pretty much a mirrored existence to our lives. Within a couple of weeks of each other, one thing would happen to him, it would happen to me, or vice versa. So, I mean, whether it was, you know, um bad relationships, um just whatever. It was there was a lot of mirroring going on throughout our lives. Um it really left a giant hole within me. Um so if it left that big of a hole to me, uh, you know, I'm sure that it leaving far bigger one than everybody else that was, you know, uh there for the past couple of years. Um we had kind of fallen out of touch for a little bit, which was the kind of thing, you know, he moved to a different part of the country, or I'd moved to a different part of the country, and we'd kind of touch base here and there, and then kind of just lose touch a little bit, you know, and it got me thinking just how important it is for how we handle our grief. Um it took me hard, y'all. Um I'm not gonna lie, it it took me extremely hard. The man's the same age as I am, you know. And you've got to ask Creator, well, why did you take this amazing individual who's 48 years old? Well, sometimes we just have to trust in the fact that there's needed somewhere else. Um, I can't presume to know the path of somebody. I've been through so much tragedy, I wonder why I'm even still alive on many occasions. So we don't just grieve those that we lost, we grieve tragedies and stuff that happened to us personally, and even indirectly, we still do it. You know, and I know the last episode we talked about um how we celebrate grief and how that uh, you know, is basically that seed of death that we're bringing into our home. Well, when we celebrate grief rather than life, it's kind of the same thing. You know, depression's a real thing, grief's a real thing. We all handle it very differently. To romanticize the loss would be to take away from this man's life. And there's no way that I would ever do that to anybody, you know, friend, enemy, whatever. It just, it's not my place. But this man was amazing, and I want to celebrate those that he impacted. Um swore that he would outlive us all. Swore that he was the greatest human being with the most compassionate heart that we've ever met. Yeah, I mean, I'm not saying that he's a a saint or an angel or anything like that. I mean, we all have quirks and we all have bad times, and it's just, you know, what how we handle that is um what defines us. How do we handle uh being abused as a child? Uh, how do we handle being abused as an adult? How do we deal with these things that cause us grief? That's what makes us a survivor or a victim, I believe. You know, being a victim basically means that you're willfully, you know, just throwing yourself under a bus. Um, being a survivor means that you're rising above that. So I want everybody to think about that. You know, throughout our entire lives, we've had great loss, we've had tragedies, we've had all sorts of hardships, and it's how we handle that. If we allow that grief or that negativity to consume us, then we're giving our very power over to that. So let's celebrate life, let's celebrate each other, you know. Um, and this goes deeper than that. I mean, one of the things that I noticed when I got custody of my son was he had this infatuation of trying to make friends with adults. Now it's cool in some aspects, but it's not rewarding through their whole life because then by the time they get in their 20s, everybody they've made friends with that are 30, you know, 20, 30 years older than them are great into the middle age. It's why it's so important that we get our kids out, get them to the park, get them in football teams, get them in after school things. And I know that we're all extremely busy, but those connections that they make with their peers of their own age can last a lifetime. I mean, look at you know, moose of me or bones of me. We've known each other since we were five years old, and yet still talking. Those relationships can create bonds of support that last an entire lifetime, and it is absolutely crucial. Remember, we are a people, we have to have that human experience, but at the same time, we cannot do it alone. And I absolutely implore everybody, make sure that you have those friends that you can reach out to. I know that some subjects may be difficult or whatever, the the reasoning being, you know, oh, I'm busy, but those connections are so much more than that. Uh you know, Moose's daughter was helping console me, and I felt so guilty and just absolutely floored that here's the daughter who you know is ready to give birth to another granddaughter of Moose, and she's consoling me, and I felt so wrong about it. Like I'm supposed to be basically, you know, consoling my godniece, not the other way around. And it was her wisdom, and keep in mind this is a 20-something-year-old young lady, it was her wisdom who said, you know, we've had time for it, but we're family. This is what family does. We're not blood, but we're family. So when we handle grief, whether it's lungs or whether it's trauma, and it could be anything. Um somebody that you committed years of your life to, who just you've noticed now just isn't do it for you. You know, I've got a a friend of mine that I've talked to on a regular basis, you know, an old can chaser, and if she's listening, she'll know what I'm talking about. You know, um been in a relationship for years, and now that you know the one side of it's going well, the other side just isn't there for her. And so she has those griefs, and so I send those prayers out to her. Um the same thing, you know, we all have grief. We all look back on ourselves and go, that I'd make the right choice. And it's not just the fact that you know, we could call it guilt, we could call it self-doubt, but in the end it's grief. It's just another form of it. It's part of those having emotions and such complex emotions. You could, you know, lose your house and go through grief. You could lose a co your car could motor blow up and you could have a sense of grief. Um, your kid could fall down at the gymnasium at school, break their arm, you have grief because you weren't able to be there to freaking save them from that. We carry so much baggage with us as individuals that sometimes we need to learn to just let go of that. Um, and that's why I say it's so vitally important that we teach our kids and we make time for our kids. We need to listen to their griefs so they can learn how to process it more maturely and responsibly when they get into their teens, when they get into their adulthood. Rather than allowing that grief to cause such heartache that they're going out and harming others because they don't know how to responsibly process it. We need to be more of a responsible on that aspect of saying, you know what, I'm gonna teach my kid that they need to go outside and play. I'm gonna teach them that they need to be creative and use their imaginations. They could be playing Star Wars in the backyard, it doesn't matter. The point is, is what we're doing is we're engaging them to develop their emotions and handle uncomfortable situations, making friends with their own peers around their own age and so forth. There's a lot of things that that helps with when we grow up. I didn't play inside on video games when I was a kid. If you weren't bleeding with broken bones, you were outside. Until it got dark, you were outside. And unless there was lightning out, you were, you know, it's but those lessons having to challenge yourself and develop that self-confidence to process informations, even if you fell down or got flung off the wheel of death, aka Maribel Round, whatever, most of the time you get back up, dust yourself off, and get back to it. Um there wasn't really the ability to withdraw from that. You had to face it. So that's a form of grief. When you have to face it, and we all need to deal with these things, you know. We've got so much just negativity that is broadcast all over out there, and we let it consume us to a point that we bring it not just into our homes and our cars, we bring it into our personal life, our kids see us going through this, and if we don't handle this grief, if we don't handle processing it in a responsible way, we're broadcasting it. And if we broadcast that pain that we're feeling, it's literally being put down on our kids, it's being put down on those closest to us. We have to rise above that, and that is part of being an adult. But it also started with us as a kid and how we process that as a kid. So we need to be better examples to our children to process grief. We need to stand up and say, you know what, that's enough of this. You know, a lot of that now is becoming harder and harder and harder. Um, you know, my kid, when I got him, didn't understand social boundaries or a lot of other things. He was filled up with a lot of anger, depression, PTSD, um, because of the stuff that his mother did to him and her boyfriends, and the stuff that he witnessed were things that no child should ever have to witness, and it caused a lot of it. But trying to help him ground himself, and then a situation happens that pulls him and I apart for a short time, caused it all to basically blow up. Um he starts running his mouth to try to toughen himself up to it. And unfortunately, we live in a day and age where you can't run your mouth, so you know it's not like the 80s where our parents said, you know what, you got a problem with a bully, just cock your fist and just lay into him. We're not in that world anymore. We literally have traded so much of our liberty for a false sense of security that we've castrated our entire society from being a proper parent to uh helping our kids develop into responsible adults who actually have emotional uh maturity to handle things. You could have a boss write you up at work, and it's gonna give you a sense of grief. And we could get into the deeper things of this, but what's the point? We're all adults, we know what we're talking. We know what we deal with every day. It could be anything can cause us that small sense of grief, that sense of loss. And loss is a part of life. There's no participation trophies here in real life, nor will there ever be. Um I wasn't even gonna put this honestly episode out this week. I was still gonna give myself another sense of grief, but or week of mourning, but I felt that I needed to to explain why I haven't been on the air for a week and um why we're a little bit late on this broadcast. And I kind of want to just touch bases with grief. So it's okay to talk about what we're going through and our hardships and making those lifelong connections because in the end we need to be able to support each other through major loss. And so I want to implore you, you know, you may have had friends you lost touch with, but we live in a day and age where you can reach out there and find that person fairly easily. So please, you had that really good brand that you were, you know, wondering about all these years. It might just be time to reach out and reconnect. It could be very rewarding. You know, we need that contact, we need that connection. We're all human, and it's part of the human experience. And as my guidance would say, We're family. Pure and simple, we're just family. So let's broaden our family, because it's not just who we're born unto, it's who we cross paths with and develop into our family throughout our lives. Next week we'll be uh touching on some better subjects, so be well with each other. This is your host, Bear, and thank you so much. Go on Facebook, click like, go to the bottom, click support. Still need help trying to get better equipment. Good night.