8 - Building Hope One Handbag at a Time with Cathlene Miner

Rooted in the heart of St. Augustine, Cathlene Miner founded Hopefull Handbags with a simple yet powerful mission: to help survivors of domestic abuse rebuild their lives with dignity, confidence, and hope. Inspired by her grandmother, who never went anywhere without her handbag and cherished picking out a new one every six months, Cathlene transformed a childhood memory into a symbol of hope. What began as collecting handbags filled with carefully selected essentials has grown into an international nonprofit dedicated to guiding survivors and their children toward long-term safety, wellness, and financial independence. Every handbag is thoughtfully packed, carefully tagged to ensure recipients know its contents have been intentionally prepared, and designed to be shared discreetly with others who may be experiencing abuse—helping connect more survivors with life-changing resources.

This heartfelt conversation explores entrepreneurship, nonprofit leadership, domestic violence awareness, resilience, personal growth, and the power of creating lasting change. Cathlene Miner shares why Hopefull Handbags focuses first on building a strong foundation—helping survivors meet their immediate needs, restore their self-perception, and create stability before working through the rest of their circumstances. Through personalized mentorship, financial guidance, practical life skills, and unwavering support, Cathlene and her team are empowering women and their children to move beyond crisis toward lasting independence. A powerful conversation for entrepreneurs, nonprofit leaders, advocates, and anyone inspired by stories of courage, healing, and hope.

Connect with Cathlene Miner on Instagram: @Hopefull_Handbags_Global and https://hopefullhandbags.org/

Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Hopeful Handbags
02:32 The Mission Behind Hopeful Handbags
10:02 The Importance of Self-Perception
20:04 Building Long-Term Sustainability
27:01 Global Expansion and Cultural Adaptation
29:02 Community Support and Local Impact
32:14 Empowering Through Education and Self-Defense
35:18 Building Confidence and Overcoming Challenges
39:31 The Importance of Morning Routines
42:42 Guidance and Mentorship in Recovery
46:11 Creating Sustainable Change
52:45 Transformative Stories of Survival and Growth

Connect with Host Leandra Sweet: @TheSoulLedSessions

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

I moved here to St. Augustine, Florida to live my dream life. It didn't take long to realize, other people did too. People who took a leap, followed what they loved, and built something of their own in this magical little town. The Soul-led sessions is about those people, the stories behind the businesses you see, visit, and fall in love with. Not just what they've created, but what it really took to get there. The risks, the pivots, the moments that changed everything, and what it actually looks like to build a life that feels aligned. These conversations are here to connect you to the heart of entrepreneurship and maybe even to what's possible for your own life. Here I am with Kathleen Minor from Hopeful Handbags, and we're in her beautiful home in St. Augustine. I'm so grateful that you're having me here today to chat. Appreciate you coming. It's great to have you over here. Yes. And be able to be on um my side of the area. Not too far. I'm just uh not not close to the water, not as close as you are. You're in this beautiful space and so close to the water. Yeah, thank you. So tell us a little bit about Hopeful Handbags and your mission there. So Hopeful Handbags is a nonprofit where we help survivors of domestic abuse and their children to safety, health, wellness, and long-term financial stability. So it's not a one-stop shop. And the best way to explain it is we tend to pick up where other places stop.

SPEAKER_01 1:49

Right?

SPEAKER_00 1:50

Because in domestic abuse situations, there's typically an emergency situation at some point. Not always. Right. Well, depends on how you define that. But you know what I mean? Like where the police have to be called or something quickly. Sometimes that does happen.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

But that's not all the time, right? Sometimes this stuff slowly gets to a point where somebody just knows they need to get out.

SPEAKER_01 2:11

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 2:12

And they call us, we go through safety plans. I mean, there's so much that we do, and we can't just define it. We don't have a checklist. Sure. If you name it, we've probably done it. And so when emergency services come in and they get them to emergency shelters and things like that, you know, that's great because we need to have safety first. But there's a whole other line of things to get that 180, right? To get to the other side of somebody being independent, financially independent as well, right? So even if it's the breadwinner of the home, typically they don't have full control over the finances or there's something not right there. Um, anyway, we can get into all of that. But I started this because my mom grew up in a very abusive home. So uh my grandfather not only abused my grandmother, but all of the children. And we lived across the street from my grandparents when I was little. And I never quite understood why until I got older. And the reason was was we, you know, my mom had siblings that were mine of my sister's age. So she was still wanting to be across the street to protect everybody in the house. Oh wow. And I do remember my aunt and uncle, our ages, you know, my sister and I are ages, running across the street, you know, Debbie, you've got to come. And and I always just knew nothing, but this isn't the way we lived across the street. Something's not right. This is, and I never understood why my grandmother stayed. I mean, all these things. And I do have to say, so my mom had me when she was 15, my dad was 17. They're still together. They are the most amazing people.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

So, you know, she learned how to take care of all this at a young age. And so that's really why my passion lies for that because I always wondered why my grandmother stayed. Now, my grandmother passed away. Now I have to think of how old I am. Gosh, over 35 years ago. Oh my goodness. Close to 40 years from a brain injury. I mean, I think you just so we'll never know if she would have had somebody to reach out to if she would have. But I always wondered why people stayed number one. So I went and got certified to be a domestic abuse advocate in 2016. You know, I raised my four kids and all. And the first thing I found out was there's no one reason why people stay. Every situation's different. Everyone, right? It might look the outright like the same from the outside when people describe it, but it's not. It's different than when especially on the inside. So much on the inside. And also kids, right? Depends on how many kids you have, depends on the age of the kids. Depends, I mean, there's so much stuff involved in one family. Right. So what we do is we approach it from a family approach, not just the survival. Oh, wow. Right. The kids as well. That's a powerful. Where are they?

SPEAKER_01 4:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

What do they need? Because they what what is their sense of normalcy? Like we've got to also get that going again. What is what is a sense of normalcy? Not necessarily what they've been living, but like, how can they be able to experience their childhood in a better way? Right. So that's why it's so when you say, Oh, tell us about hopeful handbags, I could be here all day. We could sit here all day and talk about it. Yeah, there's a lot involved. What about getting started? I know you said that um you're you were just really curious as to why your grandmother stayed and how that happened. You didn't really recognize that until you were older, but then in 2016, decided to become an advocate. So, how did you make that decision? And did you go to school for this? Did you take that route? Not until later. No. Well, a lot of the stuff that I've done in my life, which we can get into, is by experience. Experience. And I am, I have to think of how old I am, but I am 54. Yeah, I'm fifty. I think I'm you think you're 54. I was born in 1970. That's a good thing. You don't know it. I love it. I love it. Um but you know, a lot of the things that I've done in my life, because you know, you have to treat a nonprofit like a business because it is, you know, money to help people. So uh, but I've had other I've done other things in my life. But what got me started was wanting to raise hope to survivors of domestic abuse. Yes. I always wondered again, if my grandmother had somebody to reach out to, would she have done it? Now, I don't know if she would have. I I don't know, especially, you know, we're talking about years ago when things weren't talked about as much as they are now. And my mom, you know, tells stories about how the police would come and and you know, it was kind of like okay, what happens behind closed doors? But then again, you got it's not their fault either. Right. You have the survivor, and I even see this these days.

SPEAKER_01 6:40

Listen, I see it.

SPEAKER_00 6:42

And they'll say, But I'm gonna be fine. I don't want, I don't want anything to happen to the person. Oh, right, you know what I mean? So then they start covering all the abuse that just happened. But they called about the abuse, so there must have been a problem. Anyway, I always wondered what she would have done if she really truly felt like there was no judgment. Now, people call us typically before they call the shelters and before they call the police. And they do that because we're neither one of those. Right. Now, do I have to sometimes, depending on the situation, say this is our best, you need to have to get them involved. You've got, yes, we have to do that. But people feel like once they make that call, it's done. Like they're in the system now, right? Right. So they're afraid to make that call all the time. So we started collecting handbags. My grandmother always kept her handbag close, like always. She always had her purse. And I know you guys remember JC Pennies. I remember going like every six months, we would bring my grandmother to the store and she'd pick out a new handbag.

SPEAKER_01 7:36

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_00 7:36

And so she had everything in that handbag. And if she didn't have it in her handbag, she had it in her bra. And that's kind of where I get my habit of like shoving inside. So my mom and I started collecting handbags to spread domestic abuse awareness. Wow. That's how it started.

SPEAKER_01 7:51

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

And I put a post out on Facebook, and this was back in 2016. And then I had people just messaging me saying, Where do you live? I've got some handbags I collected. I have some necessities. And so they were dropping them off. So this space that you look at that you're in right now, like there was a time when this was just filled with handbags in a sense. Really? Like just bins. Right. So then we decided to go ahead and uh start a 501c3. And we did that because people also sometimes want write-offs for what they're doing, right? And also then we could start trying to get more services and resources to help these survivors and their kids. More than just the handbag. Right. So the base of what we do is still the handbags, we still fill the handbags um with necessities. We donate them to survivors of domestic abuse. Okay. Whether it be through people who reach out to us, shelters, we we're coordinated with all the shelters in the area.

SPEAKER_01 8:48

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 8:49

As well as, you know, some church organizations help domestic abuse. It just depends. If they reach out to us, and that's what we're here for. We will give them stocked handbags.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

Right.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

We tag the bags and we um put handwritten cards in the bags. And we tag the bags for a couple of reasons. One is the first time I went to go drop-off handbags at a shelter, I was helping them get into the back room, and I noticed other handbags there.

SPEAKER_01 9:16

And I was like, oh, this is nice.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

And people are donating handbags, it's great. Um and then we started looking through the handbags, but they had like, you know, half open bottles of you know, lotions. And people want to help. They just sometimes don't know what to do, right? They don't know how to give, right? Um just things that weren't, we needed to make sure that whatever we put in these bags, we wanted them to know that if they see that our handful handbag tag, they can just pull that and give it. It's we know everything inside has been cared for, it's all new. We don't even, you know, you can't put Tylenol, you know, right, right. Some people have things that might do that. Yeah. So we tag the bags for that reason. The other reason is that we have found out our survivors, and we did this for this reason, they will keep that tag and then hand it to other people that might need assistance. And that's how we start to do that. Um, the other way that we spread awareness is we have drop-off locations and that gets businesses involved. Terrific. Right? Become a drop-off location, so great in your in your business, and then people come in, it spreads awareness. And also people want to know how they can. Yeah, I was gonna say, and it also creates a safe space. It absolutely does. You've got safe spaces all over. We do, and we've had that, and we've had instances where survivors have come in and they call us and say, Hey, listen, this person has come in. What you know, can I have them call you or what do we do? Yeah. So that's how we started. And now we do so much more. I mean, because again, the handbag raises awareness, it opens the conversation, right? But now we've got to figure out okay, where are you? Right, right. Are you still with the abuser where we need to work on getting out? Is that what we're doing? Um, are you already out and they don't know how to move forward? They just don't know how because they're stuck in cycles. Yes, cycles. Right? Yes, and they don't their routines are just the same thing, which is not going to change anything, right? We want nothing changes. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Yeah, that's one of my favorite things. Um, one of the bases of everything that we work on with every one of our survivors is self-perception, what they think and feel about themselves. It's so important because that dictates the chances you take, the choices you make, the relationships you stay in, and the ones that you leave. Yes, whether it's business or personal business. Yes, absolutely. And everybody should have that empowerment. I mean, we should be learning that in first grade, but you know, in saying that, and I do have I actually wrote a book about it. It's called The 30 Day Self-Perception Makeover. Do you mind if I take a pink? Yeah. And I also have a teen edition. So what the what I've done with this and what we use, and we we help people, not only domestic abuse survivors, but everybody, like you said, everybody believes this. Yeah. And the reason is is what we think and feel about ourselves, the outside world starts to dictate that. Beautiful, right? And yeah, the outside world, because we start believing what people say, right? And then we start questioning what we really do think of ourselves, and we take that on. True. And obviously, that's how we see this with preteens and teenagers all the all the time. All the time. Especially in that vulnerable age range, you know. But some people it never leaves, I think. Right. It never goes away, especially depending on what they end up doing after those ages, right? Do they get into a relationship that tears them down? Right. You know, and then they start to believe that. So uh we break it up into days. I have written now three books, and I don't really care to read, to be honest. Yeah, not a reader. Wrote them and they're you're put them out there. Well, I guess what I'm saying is because I wrote the books the way I would read. Uh-huh. So the way I read is in small sections. Like I'm a magazine, like well, back in the day. Yeah, yeah. When there were magazines. I mean, I think they're still out there, but yeah, I know what you mean. Small articles, little, that's how I am as well. Right. I can get it, and that's just the way I learn and read. So I've made the books that way too. So, like the 30 days perception makeover, every day is like a page and a half. Great. And then just enough time for people to absorb it. Yeah, it's got hands-on work. So, anyway, that is the base of what we do. Because we find if we build from there, then we've got a chance for real change. Right. If we don't, they start questioning themselves every step. I'm sure. Yeah, I could see that. So there's just so much. There's so much, and you're learning as you're as you're living out. I I always love when people not only find their passions and live it out, but when they learn and heal themselves through their passions. So through your work, you are learning and healing and growing and you know we have learned so much from all of our everybody that I've ever worked with. I mean and and I still am to this day because we gotta also talk, you know, when we go into houses of survivors from the outside, it might look like it's all together. Yeah, you go inside, it's literally in shambles. Oh my goodness, like physically in shambles, really in shambles. Wow. And when you see something like that, you can see how their mind is already. Right. Because this is what they're seeing every day. That's a chaos, it's just a big one big cacophony of it already gives you a clue as to what it is that they're dealing with. And that's not overwhelming to you to walk into a space. You've learned how to just, okay, I know where to begin now. You kind of get a better idea. And I'm very good at organizing and coming up with plans in my head to where I can just okay, that has to be done first. That has we do it in order. It doesn't all get done at once. Right. We've had instances where every appliance in the house wasn't working.

unknown 14:55

Jeez.

SPEAKER_00 14:57

You've learned to prioritize what's important first. How do we, you know, how can we get them functioning correct? How do we get that functionality? As quickly as possible. Because obviously it's typically the mom, right? I mean, how are they able to take care of these kids if they don't even have a stove that works? Right. The refrigerator's not working, unreal. All these and these are and and I guess what I'm what I'm getting at too is these are homes that from the outside look like it's all together. It's not they're all manicured on the outside and pretty. People have a tendency and the stigmatism of, you know, that people will think, well, you know, everybody's either poor that come from these situations, or you know, they must have grown up in the situation. And that's another thing that I try to that stigma. The people that typically come to us actually live pretty well. From the interesting outside, yeah. Um they look put together, they're probably doing the things that they are, their kids are doing the things, and I don't even know how sometimes the kids are doing the things because of the fact of what they're living in. Right. Um, but then you know, not everybody has been through abuse in their past. You know, people typically think, well, they must have grown up this way. Not necessarily, yes.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:15

You get one manipulative person, you get in a relationship with a manipulative person, they take advantage of it. Start making you believe that you're not good enough, making you believe that whatever they're doing to you, you deserve. Wow, but they're not worthy and you're not all of those things that women tend to believe, especially from someone who loves them and who they love, who they trust. Right. Yeah. And and you know, the other thing is they start to feel like that like you just said, that person is the one that is the only one there for them because most in the most of you situations, they start to we we talk about this with dating abuse when I go talk in the colleges and universities. Oh, yeah. One of the first signs. So important also to get to that that one of the first clues here is isolation, right? So when they start to isolate them from friends and family, big red flag, huge red flag, huge red flag. So then they've got them isolated, yeah. Then they think they're the crazy ones, and then they have nobody to reach out to because they've already been convinced that this person that's basically the one that's isolating them is the only one that cares about them. All the things and it's so rampant. I mean, I I have loved ones who go are going through that, and it's oh and the the way they manipulate, the way these narcissists, manipulators manipulate the mind, and so they use so many different modalities to do that. Oh, yeah, yeah. So many different ways. There's no one way, again, very complex. We know what they're doing. Yeah, and and they do it strategically. Yes, they do, and that's why those people are the ones that when they're at the parties, people are thinking, oh my god, that's the best person ever. I would just love to be with them. I can I mean, I'll be honest, I can see right through it. You know the BS totally. You can, I'm sure you've seen uh all of that. I mean, there is a tight, there is a tie. There is a tie. And it's hard though to get the survivor to see that they're not wrong. They've reached out for a reason. Right. Because they know something's not right. Yes. So I don't have to talk them into anything. They're the ones that reach out, right? But you almost have to convince them after that point. I've had some of them say to me, you know, I I just I'm waiting for somebody to tell me that I had some people doing this. So, well, you know, I mean, you could ask the person that's treating you like garbage, they'll tell you. But anybody else from the outside looking in knows that you did nothing to be treated this way. Nothing. So you do not deserve this. Right. Yeah. And all abuse isn't physical. It's another thing. All abuse is not physical. There's a lot of different forms. Yeah. There's um isolation, psychological is one of the biggest ones, you know, making somebody believe something about themselves or a situation and turning it around in their head before they start questioning themselves. Right. So then you take kids, put kids in the in this situation, which almost everybody that we help has children. Um, you put kids in that situation, and then the kids start manipulating or they start questioning themselves. It is a big thing. So every situation we take it from a family approach. I love that you are doing this because there are so many things out there already that help with just like you said, the emergency. They help with the instant. They help with the, but beyond that, I mean, it's almost as as the same as when someone passes away. Yeah. The grief, you know, strikes after the the trouble comes after because now you're dealing with, sure, you have a home, maybe you have a job, maybe, but now you're dealing with all of the psychosomatic and all of the psychological things that happen to a person when they've been taken out of an abusive situation and totally, you know, replacing their thoughts, their everyday thoughts that happen. And their habits. So you know their habits. Um, we have a shine, right? Uh, safety, habits, independence, new way of living, and empowerment. Wow. You know, and our habits, that's a huge part. Our habits.

SPEAKER_01 20:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 20:30

That's part of what we do with the self-perception makeover is what habits are moving you forward, what's keeping you stuck, and which ones are holding you back. Beautiful. Again, which everybody should be doing. For sure. Children, yeah, right with the resilience. That's beautiful. And coming back from that. And what's normal, what's what's their normalcy like, right? I mean, sometimes it's it's you know, we we our survivors and their children get, we call them getting in our program. I don't even really like to call it a program because but you almost have to call it that because if you're gonna apply for a grant, you gotta have a name and you gotta have all this. Right. But we don't have check boxes, right? Okay, so when we're working with sometimes it might be, you know, so-and-so is having a birthday. What are we gonna do to make their birthday feel a little bit special? Wonderful. And you have the leeway to do that, you're able to kind of utilize the funding to whatever you need at the time for each family. And it's totally personalized sustainability. If it'll lead to long-term sustainability, incredible, we're gonna do the best that we can to make it happen. It really is incredible. That the in these people, I say they're with so when I said from the beginning, it's not like a one stop shop. Meaning, if somebody calls us and it's obviously we're gonna do what we can if it's a one time thing, but because we got to dig into budgets, we gotta dig into finances. Like we get into people's everything. Oh, I'm quite sure. I'm talking every bill, every account, and we have our own budgeting system. That they use because you know, again, we have priorities here. If we're gonna be helping you buy groceries for you and your children, are you buying alcohol? Are you buying cigarettes? There's things that you can't support. Yeah, I can see that. That's a priority thing. Now, if you have a drinking, like there's a whole bunch of things that go on with the topic. Oh my goodness, yes. You're an alcoholic, never thought of that. But yeah, with that, okay. Well, let's get you helping help with that. And so you can also facilitate that. We you know, we don't do it all. No, right, yeah, you can resource out, source it out and say, hey, listen, this person needs this. Because at the core of everything, we've got to get the face, the foundation. We've got to get that set before we can work in anything else, move on. And so get past the crisis and move on to building that foundation. Right, yeah. So, you know, we're we're not sitting here being personal coaches, right? Like, we are literally like digging into everything. And they know when we start, when they come into our our system here, this is what's gonna happen. And if you're okay with that, you put that all up front for them. If you're okay with that, because again, our goal is long-term sustainability and to get them back on their feet and to be independent. Successful and independent and functional and for all of the things they deserve to be. So we you know, it typically takes 18 months to two years. Wow. So when we're when I say we're walking in hand, you're working with them for that amount of time. Women or men, I would assume there's men also. We've not had many men. We do make man bags, but that's most don't typically come forward, and it is mainly women, and it is mainly women because mainly the women have custody of their kids, mainly it's the women because of just even size, or you know what I mean? And you work through all that too, I would imagine, the custody piece and we you help source that out as well. Yeah, there's a lot. So, this is really, I mean, it's fascinating to me. Were you a business owner before this from the business side of things? Were you a business owner before you started overheading? Training women now who are over how old am I? We just talked about that, I don't know, 50 something. At 20. Okay. So I've had kind of my own business doing that type of stuff as concierge type thing. So I've had that. So you kind of knew how to run real estate. No, I know how to do these things, right? Yes. Yeah, I do know how to run businesses. My main business really was being a stay-at-home mom for over 20 years. That's a business. That is what I did. That and you were good at it. I was good at it. Yes, you know, and I say over 20 years because my oldest is gonna be 35 and my youngest just turned 20. So you know, when you've got that many um years of stay-at-home moms-ish, mom isms. You learn a lot as a stay-at-home mom, a four, especially. Absolutely. I can I can vouch for that. And we homeschool the children. Business is easy compared to that's what I mean. I mean, I was actually a supervisor at the Mayo Clinic. Oh, wow. When I was younger, I started there at 19. So I'll kind you've been through all kinds of things. And I I worked there, transferred up to Rochester, Minnesota. And I've done my stuff, I've I've been in the systems, you know, I I know how those things work. So um, but the one thing I guess I didn't think about when I started a nonprofit was I thought that everybody that had a nonprofit was in this together. Oh. I mean, this is what it is. I mean, there are some that are I kind of think that too, naively. So I guess. Okay. And I didn't know it until I got in it. And you're working, you're trying to work with other nonprofit. Right. And most of them are very um workable. Interesting. Um some of them are not. And I I guess I never really because I'm just that kind of a person, I always think about the best about everything and everybody unless I'm unless I see different. Right. And I don't even spend a lot of time on that, but I do think that not um I don't know. It just it's that makes sense, though, that you would be working closely probably with right many other nonprofits if you need them. You still definitely you probably have to. You can't really Oh, yeah, we're never gonna do it without each other. So the collaboration is important, yeah. So, but all I'm saying is in there, you kind of learn. It's kind of like though when you're working. Yeah, you learn who's gonna who's gonna pick up the Slack, right? Who's gonna answer the phone or who's gonna sit there and let it ring or something, right? Um and some people are more open to collaboration than others, even as a as a business owner. They think some view is competition, yeah. Oh yeah. And that's just not the way I think of things. And businesses and think of things is the same way. And I guess I just never have that's just not my type of person. Yeah, yeah. It is a type, that's a type also. It's a type um competition over collaboration when it really should be the other way around. And so we collaborate, we collaborate all the time. So, and that's how we are now a global organization. So oh, you're global. We are global, no kidding. I didn't realize that. So, what we do is we're officially obviously registered in the United States and in Florida, and we have different areas of the United States where we can help somebody pretty much anywhere because we've just come that's incredible. Yes, because I always think we can, why not? Where there's a will, there's a way. I love it. That's exactly what I say. We're this way. We're officially registered as hopeful handbags in um the Caribbean, in Kenya, no kidding, in Ireland, in Northern Ireland, and we're almost done with our registration in the United Kingdom, although we've been doing work there a while for a while. Okay. We do work in Canada, we're just not done with the registration there. And the way that we do it is we take the same format of what we're doing and we cater it to their culture. Okay, right? But we also register in that country. So the registrations separate for tax reasons and all of everything. Okay, okay. The other thing that I like to remind everybody is, and because I always get this question since we are global, and I'm very proud that we do this, and it has been considered. We're in our ninth year now. So we've been going pretty strong. Yes. Anything that's donated in kind or monetary stays in the area it's donated in.

SPEAKER_01 28:27

Oh, wonderful.

SPEAKER_00 28:28

So if it's donated here in St. John's County, it is gonna stay in St. John's County and sometimes maybe go to a surrounding county, Putnam or someplace that but within the same state or within the same area. Well, within the connecting counties. Typically it'll stay within St. John's, and people know that. They know that if they donate here terrific. I mean, if if our neighbors need it, you know, 15 miles down the road, we're gonna help. Right. We're gonna help them. Right. So, but that happens in any area that you're in. Right. If somebody's doing a fundraiser in, you know, Tennessee, um, it's gonna stay in that area.

SPEAKER_01 29:02

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 29:02

So the same things with the countries. Now, again, we cater to our cultures in saying that we have put in now 21 rainwater harvesting tanks at schools in Kenya. Wow. How cool is that? And these are rural areas in the Rift Valley, and um, you know, obviously these are survivors of domestic abuse and child abuse. And but then we have we need again, we talk about the base. You gotta have your necessities in that. Like if we go into a home and the and knowing the appliancers are working, we gotta have to take care of that, yeah. Well, as soon as possible. In those instances, they have no water, they literally have no water. Crazy. So the kids are having to bring water to school, right? So they they walk about a mile, sometimes two, to the nearest river, which is dirty. Right. And they have to bring their water to school. Now, the what so we have to get their basic needs met. So when we put these water tanks in, they're 10,000 liter tanks. Wow. Um, we have our bases built where they'll last for 20 years. Incredible. We don't send people over to do it, we have people on the ground there. You do our Kenyans that do it. No kidding. So you're you're hiring local, helping the economy locally that way as well. Teaching, teaching a trade, teaching, right? Yeah. Also going into the schools and those schools that we do, teaching them the value of um sanitation and water and why are we doing this? And then we move on self-perception. What do they think and feel about themselves? And it like I said, this is a huge sub what we do is a lot. Enormous, way, way more enormous than I imagined, actually. Um, even after having spoken with you before, I had no idea the enormity of it and what you do. And it's not just a handbag. No, it's not just a handbag. Not even close to just a handbag. That would be easy. The thing is, say, for instance, in Kenya, I mean, if you give them a handbag of necessities, that's not gonna get them performed. Right? They need water. It's not survival. So um our what I was talking about with the bases, the base that we lay these 10,000 liter rainwater harvesting tanks on, is that they'll last 20 years. Wow. So the pipes, everything. So that's how we have to adapt to the culture because once we can get the basic necessities taken care of, then we can say, okay, let's look at the situation you're in. And we can go from there. And obviously the culture there is different than you know, abuse is something that's been going on. Well, I mean, they're just behind. Right, right. Right? They're just behind. Um, Caribbean, same. I mean, we got to handle that differently, right? We do a lot of self-defense in in the Caribbean.

SPEAKER_01 31:33

Really?

SPEAKER_00 31:34

Um, we do a lot of self-defense here in the US and the UK. Wow. That's another thing I'm very passionate about is self-defense. And not only, you know, just because I think everybody needs to know it. So we don't just teach our survivors, we teach everybody. It's another empowering thing to to know. Well, everybody needs to know that skill. Because I think if you know it, you don't need it. Yeah. I went to an all-girls Catholic high school and we learned in our, I think, junior or senior year we had to take a self-defense class, which I think is we should be giving our children. We should that that's another thing that's to me more important than science or history or you know, and some of self-defense is about awareness. Especially you're here, you're already a target. Oh, gosh, you walk out like this, you're not like nobody's you're not paying attention to your surroundings. Oh, all the time. I mean, all the time. That's who these people can do. Completely unaware. And they know who to target. Yeah. They absolutely do. So going back to when you started this as the thought of it started with a thought of a handbag, helping people with necessities. How did you know, first of all, when to grow or how to start growing? And then how did you well, when? And then how did you know how? Like, oh, 501c3, you said. How did you go from knowing just we're going to be a nonprofit to a full-blown 501c3? Well, I knew that, you know, just from my business perspective, I knew that businesses, even though they want to help, sometimes are looking for a write-off too, or a tax benefit, or they just want to collaborate, say, with an actual nonprofit that they know what they're giving is actually going to the cause. Right. Right. Right, right. And so I knew that if I wanted to get more businesses involved and spread this, I needed to make it so that they could look up the name and be like, okay, this is legit. This is what we see they're doing. And you can also accept from larger donors and things like that too. For sure. You can go to businesses. And you have to do that, right? Because then you have to get your books audited, and then you gotta get that. I mean, there's all those things. Well, and I can't imagine how much those 10 10,000 liter tanks cost to build. Well, to be honest, they're not that pricey. They're not really so um that's another thing, and I could just mention that if anybody ever wants to sponsor a tank, we can put a full tank in for $1,500. Wow. Wow, for 20 years, it'll last and sustain itself. Wow. So why don't they have more? That's incredible. Well, that's there's a whole separate conversation about the government stuff. Um of the corruption. Um, something I'm curious about because I think taking on a lot of this, well, essentially it's responsibility, right? Of helping so much to the point of helping people's bank accounts and helping with people's psychological state and helping, that's a big, that's a tall ask of yourself, I feel. So, how did you gain the confidence, I guess, to to be able to do all of that? I mean, I will say I've always kind of been a person, kind of like you said before, where there's a will, there's a way. Yeah. And I think some of that is personality. Yeah. You know, I mean, just like when I started at Mayo, I wasn't just going to be what they call the desk attendant. I mean, I was going to be the supervisor. You got to I love it. Why would I just do that? You're an all-in, you're an all-in person. I love it. Um, so that some of that comes from that, right? And obviously, I have to give some of that credit to my parents. That's for all of that. I was just going to ask, do you think your mother being brought up in the home she was brought up in, do you think she empowered you to be more confident and more my dad? My dad, I mean, the work ethic that my parents had and still do is, I mean, neither one of them, they were retired now. Right. But I always knew that any my dad would always say, you can do anything. Any anything can be done. Anything. There's I mean, anything can be done. No limits. You just have to know you can do it. I think that's incredible. You said they were 15 and 17 when they had you. That's because usually at that age, just I don't I shouldn't say usually, often at that age. Well, I think of look at a 15-year-old right now. Yes, my gosh. To them, they don't have together at all. But having the wherewithal to stay together, to stay, they must really love each other. At that age, did you know what love was? I mean, that's incredible. And to instill in you what, well, definitely what your mother wasn't given. I don't know about your father, but being able to provide that for you. Could I mean you're a confident, yeah, amazing woman. And I think that comes from them for sure. I mean, a lot of that. Right. So thank you. But I you're right. And I have one sister, she's 16 months younger than me. She was actually an attorney in town. Like she's, you know, she's confident. Right. She talks for a living. And we're gonna laugh about that. Um, because she talks. Um, but yeah, the confidence is there. Yeah, you know, and I think that we have to. I do give a lot of that credit to my parents. So how did I know to that I had the confidence to do it? I just knew that I was gonna do it. Right, right. And I'll figure out a way to do it. You knew, like you knew. Even like the going, going global thing, like why can't why wouldn't we do that next? Right? Next, it's the next step. It's the next step. Uh-huh. And you're gonna figure out a way to do it. And we have we have to learn about the culture and we have to learn about their needs. If you would have told me, you know, uh, even seven years ago that I would know about rainwater harvesting tanks, I'm quite. I don't even know. Is that the little thing you put in your backyard by the rain? Right. I mean, which it essentially is, but I know so much about this stuff now. Yeah. I mean, and that's what I was we were talking about from the beginning. I have done so much now, just because the older you get, the story gets longer. Yes. And I'm not done yet. I feel like once we're done, you're done. Like life's done, right? I think I don't know if I'll ever I satisfy is not the right word. I don't like that word because I'm always satisfied and think of, okay, let's move on. Yeah. What's the next thing? Yeah. What's the next I always say you can be grateful and want more. You obviously that's what we're here for. Okay. You don't have to be grateful and content. It's okay to want more. It's okay to want to learn more, to grow more, to take in more, to give more. You know, that's that's okay. And that's what we work on our survivors with. Yeah. Like that's a hard thing, I think, for people to realize. There's whether they've been brought up with religion or with mindsets, different mindsets, different approaches that people think that, well, if they have they they should be happy with what they have. Be happy with what you have. People are told that all the time. I mean, I remember that's what we're here for, is to want and do more. Yeah. And the way I look at it, so the more I can want and do more. If I wasn't like this, I wouldn't be able to help as many people. That's no way. That's right. If I decided I was done, I would not be able to and if you can't do it, then who is going to do it? Nobody else is doing this. In our survivors, I get texts every morning. They have to send me the five things they're grateful for. Oh, I love that. Yeah. To make beds. I love that. Making bed is a number one. Yeah. Make your bed. Lots of pictures of made beds because you gotta start off the day with your with on the right foot. That's right. Right. So did your parents teach you that? Make your bed in the morning and make your bed in the morning, come up with habits. Um, you know. Strong morning routine. Strong morning routine. Do you have a strong morning routine? Yes, that has gotten me through everything. Everything, right? Everything. It's it's a game changer. And still to this day, even though I don't have any more kids at home, my morning routine was set so that I could live within my kids' schedule. Yes. Right? Get the things done you need to do before they wake up. So I have to get up. Yes. Four o'clock in the morning. Wow. Are you up at four? I'm up between four and five now. No kidding. I I can, you know, I mean, when am I getting up that early for? I'm I still am an early riser and I'm an early to bedder. I was gonna say you must go to bed early too. Oh, I have by eight o'clock or nine o'clock. Really? There's some nights, seven o'clock I could be in bed. Really? That's great. I'm I like I don't sleep a lot, but I need my sleep. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not a night person. I'm just never have been. Never have been. I love the early morning darkness. Something about that. So the darkness before the dawn. Yes. And my routine has always been, you know, writing the things I'm grateful for. I read a few, depending on what time in my life I'm in, reading some things. Um, my exercise is always in the morning. Great. I I agree. If I don't get it done in the morning, it doesn't get done. And then it's pain for me. And even times in my life where maybe I wasn't feeling well or whatever, and I couldn't work out, which was not very often, because that is a routine. That's it. Yeah, right. But it's a priority, as you know, in your life. You have a baby, do all these things. Yeah. And I I would still go and follow the same process though. I just sat really did the writing, did the reading. I go to the same, I go to the gym. No kidding. So I have a gym at home now, but I've almost always had something at home. Even when my older kids, and they are 35 and almost 31 now. I remember having a punching bag weights in the corner of the living room. Punching bag is great. Like a little 900 square foot place, and I still have my stuff. So do you encourage your women, your families to exercise in the morning? You give them a solid idea for a morning routine. Some of them are different than others, right? Some of them, I don't care if you march in place for 30 seconds. Right, jump up and down on a little. Right. If it's more than some sort of movement, right. You're doing it every morning. That's an improvement. All that matters. Yes, yes. Um, you know, we have to get rid of clutter. Like there's so much involved in all this. But the bottom line is people are people, and I always feel like the people that we work with have huge hearts and they reach out for a reason. We're I know what we do worse. But they also have to commit. I was just gonna say that word. Yeah, I can't change it for them. That's right. They have to be the ones to do it. Nobody can change it for them. Correct. That's reality in life, right? And you have to do it yourself. Already meander back and forth for a little while. Uh but usually they're to a breaking point when they call you. Correct. They're like beyond the point of wanting, right? You know, what am I going to do? I need to do something. And sometimes you know, they might not leave right away, and then a year or two later they'll call back. And you can't do anything about that, right? You have to just be playing. I'll check in, I'll do what we need to do. Right. Uh try to keep in touch with the kids. A lot of you know, a lot of kids have phones these days. A lot of preteens. Oh, so you can contact them directly. Well, they have my number, so they'll text me and call me. Yeah. And you break a lot of barriers here. I feel as though, like, I don't know. I was gonna ask if there's there's a lot of red tape when it comes to the state, when it comes to the county. You don't do red tape. No, I don't have red tape. That's why I started my own organization. Fantastic. Because you don't have to deal with any of that. Our donors are private donors. Wow. But that's it. Most of our, I mean, we may get a few grants here and there, but and that's intentional. You did that intentional. And I will say, and then I can mention this, and then I know we're kind of running out of time, but so one of the things that if you apply for grants to the government or the state, any of them, they they're going on this old model that we call the empowerment model. Okay. Okay. We don't go by the empowerment model. And so, and I'll tell you why. So, and they want you to commit to going by the empowerment model in order to qualify. Okay. Uh the first thing on the empowerment model is that you cannot tell a survivor what to do. Okay. That doesn't work for us. I was gonna say that. Who does that work for? Does that work for anybody for anybody? Right. Again. Our goal is different than some other organizations. Our goal is long-term sustainability. Yeah, yeah. And when you are in living in chaos and you are calling because you don't even know what the next step is or who you're making your kids for dinner, right? Or you can't get out of bed.

SPEAKER_01 43:51

It's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 43:52

Why would you not? I I I do have to say, and our mentors too, okay, you know what you're gonna do? You're gonna get out of bed right now. I'm on the phone with you. We're on FaceTime.

SPEAKER_01 44:02

Good for you.

SPEAKER_00 44:03

Let's go to the kit. Let's go to the refrigerator. Let's go to the cabinet. Okay. You walk bread through it. Oh, some days you could just let's put that in the toaster. So these are like crisis calls, really. They're having maybe a a breakdown or they're having a moment of feeling we're worthless or feeling helpless to that point. So we I can't say we're not going to say, hey, listen, this is what you need to do. And nobody can slap your hand for that because you are you are independent. You are Yeah. I'm not I don't have to again, we have private donors, yeah, and they agree, they want us to do what we're doing because everybody that donates to us has some sort of connection to this, right? Either they have a family member that's dealt with it, they've dealt with it, or an aunt or an uncle or a friend, or you know, they have or they grew up in it or something. So it's so it's so rampant. It's so right. So somebody's connected in some way. Yes. They see that without guidance, how are they gonna change? That's and that's not empowering. How are you empowering somebody without guidance? Yeah. I mean, there's some people who are within those parameters who don't agree with me, and that's fine. I that's fine with me.

SPEAKER_01 45:18

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 45:19

Because I know what works for our survival. You know what works in our kids. And I will rah-rah, cheerlead them all day long, but I will tell them if they're doing something that's not gonna serve. Absolutely, right. And that's what they need. You're you're basically a mentor for them. And they need a mentor because they don't have a mentor at home. Right. They don't have a mentor with the county, they don't have a mentor to change in order to change. Right. So if I kept telling them honey them, yeah, and and I I I don't hurt people's feelings, but I am I've this is my personality too. It's just you don't ever have to w wonder if I'm telling you the truth. Right. I love you. You may not want to hear it. Sure. You may be triggered by it. You may but it is the truth. But it's the truth. And I I can't why sugarcoat it's a nice teller that for to do what you're doing, you have to be that. I have to. And and so do our mentors. And this is why we do have some people on our team that are mentors and they're amazing. But not everybody can do this work. Oh, I can imagine, yeah. Because number one, like you said, how do you not let it in? It's a type of therapy that really doesn't exist. I mean, you've created your own form of therapy. And and I have I did a video on this, a podcast not too long ago. But um if somebody really wants to go to therapy, we will find that for them. Right. And and there's different kinds of therapy. I get that, some people that need it. But the kind of therapy that just has people dig into their past over and over again, our survivors, they they then call me distraught because they've just relived it's PTSD over and over again. Um, so we're really careful about that. I I can't just willy-nilly give people, say, okay, go to this person, that person. Because the ultimate, and I think people have a hard time hearing this, but the ultimate fact is you have to save yourself. Nobody is going to give you the formula or give you the you you ultimately have to save yourself. Even with all of the things that you uh provide for them, if they're not doing it, nobody else is going to do it. That's right. And it might be hard and it might be painful and it might be traumatic for them, but getting to where they want to go, to want to be, to be happier, to be living a more healthier life, a better life, they have to do the work to get that. You know, they're setting an example for their children. Yes. Their children are watching them. And I I've always believed, even for myself, that if there's something that I really want or think that I desire to live in a certain space or whatever, well, I'm gonna create the space that I'm in now to reflect that totally, right? Yeah, so that's something too that we do with all survivors. It doesn't matter if you're living in chaos. You know what? We're gonna make this your sanctuary because if this isn't even where you want to be, we gotta make this appreciate. Be grateful now and want more, and then we'll get rid of, you know, love where you live and take care of the but my husband always says take care of the place that takes care of you. Absolutely. I love that because same with the kids, they've got to learn. We that's what we teach our kids because man, I've seen some rooms. Woo, I'm sure. I'm sure I've seen some rooms, yeah. Um, but anyway, this is a huge subject, and I've been talking to me about it. No, I love it. There's so many different instances that this comes into play with things. But I love to hear your perspective on it because it's such a unique, you're in such a unique lifestyle. Living your dream life. Do you feel like you're living your dream life? I do. I do because I I just, you know, the fact that I even have four grown kids now to me is is just crazy. And you setting that example for them as well. Yeah. For grandkids, yeah. And you're helping women in families all over the world too. Um, meaning they I was going to ask, did they participate and have a part in it in a kind of way? Yeah. Um beautiful. But they know. I mean, right, they know my grandkids know how to fill bags. Wow. And they know about hopeful handbags. How wonderful. They'll talk about it. And they because that's just what they know. Yeah. So it's part of their lives involved. Right. And you know, now, luckily for us here in St. John's County, we uh share a warehouse with another nonprofit. Oh, wow. Called Epicure. Oh, I yeah, I have no Epicure. Yeah, they're amazing. How wonderful. Yeah, so that's very helpful for us because then we don't have all of our you can enjoy your space again. Yeah, we can have people that can come help us fill back. Oh, isn't that wonderful? I was gonna ask if you could tell the audience what you have, if there are volunteer opportunities, how to get in touch with you, if you know if you prefer people to go to a website. If donors want to donate, where do they get? So hopefulhandbags.org. And it's hopeful with two outs. Hopefully, hope. Hopefulhandbags.org. And those emails come straight to us. If you hit contact us, and we also have a form on there you can fill out to volunteer. We are in the midst right now of building a new warehouse. Epicure is building one. We're moving with them. And so right now we don't have a ton of space for hands-on, but we always do need people that can eventually maybe one day be a mentor or something. With and that, you know, like we said before, that takes a very special person. You have to have time, you have to have patience, you have to know what to say and when to say it. And I say that because even though we might think something, this is just with everyday life, right? Not everybody's ready to hear it, right? But you just gotta feel people out and know. You have to know. And I think that that's just an instinctive uh gift that people have. I could agree with that. I think it's hard for somebody to learn, right? You can't really teach it, and there's nothing wrong with that, it's maybe not the best fit. Right. That makes sense. If you wouldn't mind sharing, what was what is your favorite story to come out of all of this? Is there one that stands out that just really makes you feel like this is why I do what I do? Yeah. Or well, there's quite a few. I was gonna say, or maybe more than one. There is, but you know, a survivor that had two kids uh didn't drive, um, but was still in a marriage, and just so many things, just not only helping with self-perception and what they thought and felt about themselves, but the courage that they had to go through to file for a divorce and to uh get their driver's license and to like all these things changed their lives, you know. Like I said, there's so many that I just we would be here all day. And also going in, uh the one that had, you know, quite a few kids and the house was in shambles, and being able to go in and say, Okay, getting the whole family together and saying, Are you ready? Are you really ready for this change? Because we have to have everybody on board. Everybody. Um not just the mother, correct. The kids have to be able to get it. Especially when they're a certain age, right? And you know, having people come in and take out everything that doesn't work and get things back in there, and having just these the sense of normalcy back to where you can look back now because it's been years, and you know, they're holding a job, they've got a car, the kids are going to school, they're have you know, their their sense of normalcy is what you would want them to have. That's the whole point. That's the whole point, and that's really what we do. They're able to handle their budget. They're not spending money. You know, I don't care whether you have a million dollars or whether you have five. If you don't budget it, you're not gonna have it for long. That's right. So we definitely the the honing in on budgeting is one other thing that really uh lights me up. And you've devised all of these programs uh as you went, as you as we've gone by the necessity of what people need. Yes, wonderful. And then we say that, and then something comes up that we've never done before. Sure. And we're like, time to create something. We just do it. That's why I'm saying we don't like have a checklist where we say we do this, this, this, and this. If they're in our programs and they stick with us and we have the means to do it, amazing. And it's gonna serve long-term health, wellness, yeah, and financial stability. All of it. Um, even for the kids and the teens. And you know, we have scholarships we give out sometimes to help with schooling or tech programs or yeah, it's great. So much. Well, thank you. I feel incredibly grateful to be here to share this with you and you sharing this with me. And it's such a vulnerable job that you have. It's such a you just you need to be a lot of different people in one person. So I and what we do is is volunteer. So I love it. You know, volunteer. And one more time, can you give the um the organization's name, the website? Hopeful handbags. That's what too well. Hopeful handbags, and it's.org. If you if you Google that, it'll come up. We will have you in the show notes and we'll make sure that everybody gets this information because it's well needed in the whole world, the global reach of it. It is. Thank you so much, Kathleen. I appreciate your time and your energy so much. Thank you. I trust that whatever was meant for you in this conversation will remind you there's a way to build a life you love. Follow where it leads, and I'll see you in the next session. Be sure to like and subscribe to never miss an episode.