Motherhood Changed Everything: Identity, Business & Finding Your Village | Katie Boulter

Motherhood has a way of changing everything, including the way we see ourselves.

In this episode, Rashelle sits down with entrepreneur, mum and co-founder of Hot Mum Walk Club, Katie Boulter, for an honest conversation about identity, business, motherhood and the importance of community.

Katie shares her unexpected journey into motherhood, how becoming a mum completely changed the direction of her business, and why she believes every mother deserves a village.

Together they explore the challenges of balancing ambition with family life, accepting help, navigating the mental load, and redefining success during different seasons of motherhood.

Katie also introduces her newest venture, Hey Alfie, a platform designed to help mums build genuine friendships and find support well beyond the newborn stage.

In this episode:

• The identity shift that comes with becoming a mum
 • Why community is essential for maternal wellbeing
 • Building a business around family instead of the other way around
 • Learning to accept help and lean on your village
 • The realities of balancing motherhood and entrepreneurship
 • Creating meaningful friendships as a mum
 • Why freedom, not money, is Katie's definition of success
 • Encouragement for mums dreaming of starting a business

This episode is a reminder that you don't have to have it all figured out, and that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness.

Connect with Katie:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/like.she.owns.the.place/
Hot Mum Walk Club
Hey Alfie

Connect with Mummas Circle:
🌸 Website: www.mummascircle.com
📘 Facebook Community: Mummas Circle
Instagram: @mummascircle_
📺 YouTube: @MummasCircle

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to another episode of Inside Mummer's Circle. Today we are talking with Katie Balter who is our founder entrepreneur, new mom, extraordinaire. So grab a cup of coffee and let's dive right in. Hi Katie and welcome. Hi, thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to have you here. We met a couple years ago in and out of business and all sorts of different industries. And then when you became a new mum, I had the absolute privilege of having you and Alfie join on a circle.

SPEAKER_02 0:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

So it's been absolutely lovely seeing your transition into motherhood, and I just want to hear a little bit about that journey for you, if you wouldn't mind sharing with Alice Ness.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

Yeah, absolutely. So Alfie is now 14 months old. I would say the journey obviously starts long before having your child. For some, that starts at conception or knowing that you want to be a parent. Mine was that I never wanted to be a parent. So it was not on my agenda, it was not on my yeah, on my radar in the slightest. So when I found out I was pregnant, it was a really big adjustment. It was a really big learning curve, especially owning a business. Kind of you don't really plan ahead for these kind of things. And even if you were planning to get pregnant, I have a friend who's currently planning to get pregnant, and she is now hit that stage where you're like, okay, how do I take care of my business? How do I take time out?

SPEAKER_00 1:28

How do I step back? So I think we've had a conversation when you had your other business, right? Rose Soiree. And I think you and I had a conversation, and you're you were very torn, and you're I'm gonna be able to do it, and you think you're gonna be able to do what you did before, but then also you kind of have this transition to but do I want to? So I'd love to hear about that.

SPEAKER_01 1:49

Yeah, absolutely. So, as I mentioned, I never wanted to be a parent, so I didn't really start my business with any kind of I guess future planning of okay, I can build this to transition into motherhood and take that step back. That wasn't part of the five-year plan. So ironically, it was right on five years of having the business that I had, Elfie. It has definitely been a huge adjustment. I thought while I was pregnant that I was going to have this like six to eight weeks off, and I was gonna come back all refreshed and loving it and like ready to go. The reality was that the person I had been training for six months of my pregnancy that we had carved out this perfect transitional period changed the trajectory of what that role looked like and and what the progression of it was. And the role ended in December when I was due in March, and then I pretty much just stuck my head in the sand because I was coming to my third trimester, I was tired, I was large, I was exhausted. I really only had the ability to do to get by and to do what needed to be done. And then when I had Alfie, yeah, it was a switch had flicked. I didn't care about my business, I didn't want my business. I said from very early on, I want to sell my business, I want to sell my business. And of course, everyone around me was like, don't make any rash decisions while you're in this big transitional period. But realistically, it's one of those moments where you second guess yourself, is this really what I want? Or am I just pumping with hormones and like all this crazy post-part and stuff at the moment? Looking back, I wish I kind of just went with it. Maybe I would have had regrets, maybe I wouldn't have, but it was definitely a matter of I was ready to move that along. And I probably, to be honest with myself, knew that before Elfie came, but again, I didn't really have the space, headspace to process that and to action it.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

So I just kept chugging along. And I think sometimes you know that you know when you're in the business and working in the business constantly, and then you don't have the ability to just kind of sit back and reflect, whereas in your harder parts you knew, and then having this massive life transition really highlighted that for you. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, wow. And then so since having Alfie, and obviously now I want to just talk a little bit about Hot Mum Walk Club. Yeah, I love it, I love what it stands for, and I think that it's just so needed and more places to connect. I'd love for you to share with our listeners what Hot Mom Walk Club is and why you started it.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

Yeah, so I founded, co-founded Hotmom Walk Club with Caitlin. So Caitlin I met through her partner, her son's dad, and we met because she was working for me with Rose. And I remember she actually posted her pregnancy, and I don't know, I kept my pregnancy really quiet for a long time. Maybe I was getting used to it or getting my head around it before I add and everyone else into the equation. But Caitlin announced that she was having a baby and that she was having a little boy, and it was due in March, which is really hilarious because we actually have the same name, our names are both Caitlin Jane. We were both having a little boy, both Drew in March, and I messaged her and no one knew. I was like, Oh, FYI, same. Um it's funny because her son's partner ended up coming in February, and Alfie ended up coming in April, so we just have one little difference. Um about eight, when they were about eight weeks, when Alfie was about eight weeks old, we met up at Tagani's at Cape Stone, had a coffee and went for a walk. And me being me with my little ADHD brain going million miles an hour was like, We should start a walk club, and we did by the end of the week. I was like, Okay, here's the ticketing link, and here's this, and here's the branding, and here's this and this. And Caitlin set up the social media accounts, and we just started posting on all of the local community groups saying, Hey, this is a free walk club, come along. It was actually crazy. It was like, I think our biggest walk was 40 mums, which amazing. Yeah, it was just off the back of posting on social media groups and tally people going to Mumma's circle, just yeah, it blew up, which was crazy.

SPEAKER_00 6:01

And obviously, that's a need, right? So the need that you are feeling, what do you attribute that to? What is that need or that gap?

SPEAKER_01 6:07

So for a lot of mums, it's their first time being a mum. I think one of the things I've found from being a mum as well is even if you do have multiple children, it's different every time. So you think you've got it like all figured out, and then you have a new baby and they've got all these different things going on. That is very true. I can I can attest to that, correct? Yeah, so we were both first-time mums, and we really didn't have many mums with children around the same age. I had a lot of mum friends, but then kind of grown, and we just needed the community because when you're in the trenches and you're at home, like your partner goes back to work, everyone stops visiting, the newborn excitement has worn off, you're there, and it's you and this baby, and you've got to figure it out. And there's so many things to figure out sleep routines, and are dummies good or bad? Can I watch TV? Can I do this? Can I do that? There's so many different things, and just having the ability to turn up and chat with some other mums and go, hey, I tried this and it didn't work and hear different pieces of advice is really important. But also a big part of it was just the overall mental health of getting out of the house and going for a walk. Because when you are in the trenches, it's easy to go, oh I'm not gonna go out today. I'm just gonna stay home. It's easier to just I don't have to face the outside world, but then that becomes a very slippery slope. And taking care of your mental health can obviously become a really slippery slope. It's comfortable to stay home, but I think having something to push you to go out and you need to be somewhere at a certain date and a certain time to get you motivated is really important.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

Absolutely. So obviously, with the Hotman Walk Club, it's similar to Miller Circle in that it's connection, it's getting out of the house on a set day and time. Do you think that fitness is also a key element in that as well?

SPEAKER_01 7:59

Oh, absolutely. For me personally, the biggest driver was that obviously our body's gone through such a massive change, and I went through and still go through this a bit more randomly now, but when you're in the trenches that they talk about, you look at yourself in the mirror and you don't really recognize yourself physically. It's like the devil, and I see it as like the devil and angel on your shoulder. The devil is, oh my god, you've let yourself go, you're a fat slob, I can't believe you look like this. And then the angel's like, dude, you just created a whole human life. This is the craziest thing you've ever done. And you see your little the little human, and you're like, just thank God for the hormones because you need them to keep getting through this up and down, back and forth that you're having. And for me, making sure that I move my body uh really helps with the head noise of that.

SPEAKER_00 8:49

Yeah, and I think that's so important because I know even watching some of your social media, which I absolutely love. I love watching your social media because you're just so real, and you get on there and without any makeup or with make like just you see all of the versions of Katie, which I actually just so resonate with. I think sometimes social media can be all shiny, shiny, yeah, but it's not the reality, and I think that you coming on and showing up as yourself, all the versions of you at this stage is really really refreshing. So I love that. I love that you also talk about the body awareness and the body dysmorphia or the body, you know, love-hate relationship. So again, I think a lot of women can really relate to that. So I appreciate that. I appreciate you for that. So worries. Um, so I want to move on to how do you balance building a business with the reality of being a new mum? So that is such a I think a lot of women go through this identity shift, like we talked about, and so having that time where you've had this identity shift, and all of a sudden you still are a motivated person that wants to create something or build a business, you know, how do you balance that now?

SPEAKER_01 9:57

Yeah, oh I don't think there is a balance to be honest with you. I think that's a word that's thrown around a lot, but I saw a TikTok the other day which kind of really hit home, and it's if you want to be at the business networking event, then you're gonna miss bedtime. It's going to be, yes. Yeah, so it's a matter of you, it's give or take. A lot of people, I know a lot of my friends would probably look at me and be like, oh, I couldn't think of anything worse. I want to be a stay-at-home mum. That is that is where my priorities lie, and I'm so fine with that. For me personally, my mental health would absolutely drop out if I didn't have a bit of something to stimulate my brain, which is my business. I think it's just really being honest with yourself, what serves you as an individual? Because I know when I was pregnant, I was watching the likes of Brookie and Jane Lou and Sean Carol Duncan, just thinking, oh my gosh, I'm failing because, like, how can they be launching these stores and having five kids and doing all these things, and I'm barely coping. I think when you see things online, when you see what people are doing, it's a matter of take inspiration and take guidance from it, but leave what doesn't serve you and understanding what you need to fill your cup because it comes back to ultimately if you're not taking care of yourself and your own needs, then you're not going to be able to take care of anyone else's. I know that that's something that people talk a lot about in all different walks of life, and a lot of people won't apply it to when it's your children. They go, Oh yeah, I can't put myself first because that's my child. That's different to putting myself first in my business or putting myself first in my friends or family. It's different because it's my child, but realistically, it's different, but it's more important. You can't take care of your children if you don't take care of yourself. And I did get to a point where I need to stimulate my brain. I need to do things that make me feel like me again. Because while I am Alfie's mum, I am so much more than just Alfie's mum.

SPEAKER_00 11:59

Yeah. I think going back to that just Alfie's mum, because we are multifaceted, right? So I remember when we were in Brian and I had this real push-pull with wanting to create a business and wanting to have my own self, but wanting to give everything to my kids. So I really struggled with that a lot. And I remember getting introduced to my husband's work colleague. Oh, this is Leslie, he's like the conqueror of the universe. Basically, that's how they introduced him. And in the strata space, yeah, and but then I was like, Oh, this is his wife, Rochelle, she's the mother of three kids. Yeah, and that just didn't sit well with me because I learned so much more than that. So I think that's really important to recognise that, and also talking about social media when you're saying about take your inspiration. I think that comes across to everything, right? Whether it's business or not, include take the inspiration, take the good things, and kind of ignore the rest. So yeah, I love those points that you touched on because I think a lot of women uh in their post-party period and beyond can definitely resonate with that. So I would like to talk more now about what has been the hardest part of this season of life and what you weren't prepared for.

SPEAKER_01 13:06

I would say I wasn't prepared for everyone talks about the newborn trenches and and that being the hardest stage, realistically for me looking back. That was quite easy. Well, not easy, but easier than what it is now. Now he's running around million miles an hour, like running into walls, pulling things out of the like he doesn't play with his toys, he just throws them at the moment, like, and it's just a matter of every morning. Yeah, we just pull the pull the block drawer out and we just throw every single piece of the block drawer out. And I think you go around in circles every day and you're like, I'm losing my absolute mind. I do the same thing every day, but yeah, I think everyone talks about how hard it's supposed to be in that first adjustment. But realistically, you're running on adrenaline, I feel, or like the hormones or whatever it is. It realistically, for me, when it hit about four, five, six months, and the sleep deprivation really sets in, and you're like, shit, this is it, they're mine forever.

SPEAKER_00 14:05

Can I do this forever? Yeah, yes, yeah, and then yeah, and then everyone has come back to work and they just expect that you're okay.

SPEAKER_01 14:13

Yes, absolutely. And I also think, too, for me, it was I wanted people to ask me about something that wasn't healthy. I felt guilty for feeling that way, but I wanted to have a normal adult conversation. I'm grateful that I can go to a walk club and I can have conversations that support needing to know things as a mum. But it was like the only topic of conversation somebody could really knew how to bring up with me. While I was pregnant, it was like, oh, okay, let's talk about birth stories, let's talk about your pregnancy, let's talk about everything was about being pregnant and how do you feel about becoming a mum? And then when you have a kid, like a baby or a child or a kid, then the conversation is just that realistically is the only thing people kind of talk to you about. So for me, it was the big adjustment of hey, I want to talk about something that is outside of motherhood, but then also not feeling guilty about that. Yeah, it's portrayed that this should be your number one focus. Now you are a mum, you are a mum, and only a mum. And then outside of that, it was that I thought this was the hard stage, but then it grows in and they start walking. And if you think you want them to walk, and then they walk and you're like, We've unlocked a whole level, and I didn't even consider. So I guess being present and enjoying what is right now, but then also being excited for what's to come.

SPEAKER_00 15:38

I think that's really important to recognise too. And I have people in it, well, I'm seeing the moms groups, right? I think you've even brought that up in one of the moms groups around I want people to ask me questions that are outside of my baby. I love him, and he's amazing, and he is my world, but also there's other parts of my world that are important too. So I'd love to hear more about your new venture, which is the hey I'll be out. I want to hear all about what it is and what problem it solves for mums.

SPEAKER_01 16:01

Yeah, so I found that after the 12-month mark, a lot of the support falls off. As I mentioned before, it's kind of that that's supposed to be the hardest part. But what I've realized, and and a lot of mums experience is that it never really ends, it just keeps evolving into something new and something different. So I want Hey Lfi to be a place where mums can come for community, connection, and support. Because I have friends who have children who are in their teens, so they like yourself going through all the changes of high school and boyfriends and finishing school and uni, and then I have friends who have children in who are in their 20s and 30s, and they're becoming grandparents for the first time, and they're navigating what it is to be grandparents of like their children's children or being in-laws, and so all of those different things. So I think a lot of the support falls or not falls but ends kind of at that 12-month mark, and then conversation I was having with my sister was that obviously, too, a lot of mums have gone back to work, so found it a lot harder to keep making mum friends beyond playgroups and mums groups and and the time where people are on maternity leave. And we've even seen that with War Club. Obviously, a lot of the mums have returned to work now, so we're booking to do more things on weekends and things like that.

SPEAKER_00 17:25

I've definitely seen that, right? So with being a mum of teens, we definitely that the support sort of ends, and that's something that with mum's circle we want to sort of evolve and change that conversation because with being a parent of teens again presents its own challenges, like discovered, and I think that offering support services, not support, but just um community and connection support for mums with tweens, teens, and that would look really different, obviously, for his pardon. But what we've also found with Mumma's circle is that one year mark, that's it. I get asked all the time to do toddler groups and play groups and all sorts of things, and we do a lot of pop-up sessions that support toddlers, yeah, and we don't get very many people back at work, and which is so valid, you have to have two incomes to survive these days for the most part. So I think that that's a really interesting change and shift. And how do we support the modern mum in that space? So, how does Hey Alphi app support that? I'd love to hear more about that.

SPEAKER_01 18:23

Yeah, so the first feature we're launching with is find a friend. So a lot of the feedback I get is that going to group things is quite nerve-wracking for people. Not everyone is an extrovert like I am, and going to group things can be really scary. You probably experience that all the time as an objection.

SPEAKER_00 18:40

We 100% do. I've actually had mums that have been in the car crying and not wanting to come in. And I'm sure there's many mums that go to book and then don't book. So yeah, you definitely find that with a lot of mums.

SPEAKER_01 18:50

So the finder phone feature will be based on you can search on a heap of different things. So location, your age, your child's age, interests. Uh, we will have all different things in there. So you'll fill out your profile, so photos, special interests, anything that you would love to connect to other mums based on. And kind of like Tinder for mums.

unknown 19:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:12

I was thinking more like hinge. My partner and I met on Hinge, and I really love that. I feel like Tinder is where you go to get a little one nice thing. We want to be like hinge. Yeah, like we want to be like where the longevity is there, hopefully. Yeah. I love that. So we really want to make sure that those profiles are able to put your best foot forward and and showcase who you are and what kind of friends you're looking for, what you're interested in. We want that because we would love for them to make that one-on-one connection so that when we do launch events or there are events on the app, they have, I guess, the safety blanket of going to that person or going to people one-on-one and going, hey, I want to go to this event, it's a little out of my comfort zone. Can we go together to break through that barrier? So it's graveling the different barriers to access, but also just so the mums who don't want to go to big events and have to make small talk. This brings it back to a little bit more one-on-one, which I know is what some people enjoy a bit more.

SPEAKER_00 20:08

Yeah, fantastic. And what else are you gonna see on the on that? You also got that the profile and the connection individually, and you're gonna have some events and things. What else can we see?

SPEAKER_01 20:17

So, a lot of the feedback at the moment we're in the pre-launch stage, which is just basically getting as much feedback from mums as possible. So we've put out our community survey, we've been going to events like community markets and mums groups and mums, anything anywhere that where mums are and getting feedback. And a lot of the feedback is around one price point. There's obviously a lot of things we want to do, but if we are on maybe part-time or cost of living, the barriers to access are there. So making it free for all mums all the time, that's where my job comes in to make sure that I can make sure that this app is always funded and mums can access it. There's no barrier to entry for any mum. Another big thing is that on Facebook groups they're very unmonitored. So I'm in a lot of Facebook groups for mums, and there's 30,000, 40,000, 50,000 mums in there, and to monitor that is a massive job. And a lot of these groups have been started as a community initiative. The admin don't have the funding to make sure that the community feeds are being monitored and kept safe. So that's a really big one. So we will have community forums and they will be separated into different topics of conversation. As you would see, monitoring conversations around sleep, very much necessary. Um, monitoring conversations around mental health, very much necessary.

SPEAKER_00 21:38

Because you do get a lot of women and they're trying to help, they're coming from a good space because they want to share their experience or what works for them. But you have to be really mindful because every woman and every child is different, and how they interact with each other, and what works for you might not necessarily work for them, but also if it's sometimes a medical underlying medical issue as well, and then you know it's just it just opens. whole can of ones. So the the monitoring or um the you know sort of following those community guidelines and you having people that are admins and moderating it I think is really important.

SPEAKER_01 22:09

Yeah so we'll have the forums which are also separated into those different topics of conversation because obviously if you don't want to subscribe to the sleep channel then you don't have to. If realistically you can't take that on mentally you don't have to be in that space. So the forum will be separated into categories so you can basically subscribe to which you want to and you can come and go as you please as well. It's not like when you're in a Facebook group it's just a free for all and you're kind of like wow this is getting too much you can tap out tap back in without having to go in and out of the group and go through the whole acceptance process again. Then we will also another big piece of feedback is the spam of businesses jumping in these groups and just promoting. From the business side of things I understand where they're like okay I really need to get in front of mumps and that's a great opportunity when there is 30 40 50 thousand people in there but of course it's the overconsumption on social media. You don't want to constantly just be advertised to you're there for a specific reason.

SPEAKER_00 23:06

The value right absolutely value and get some answers and connect with other people and yes you're right the businesses do matter and they are important but having that overwhelmed is just and that noise is a lot.

SPEAKER_01 23:16

Yeah yeah so we will have a business directory so businesses will pay to have their profile on there they will be able to edit their own profile advertise how they want to the mums but it's more of again like the forums the mums can take what they need from that. If they go into the directory they can search based on what they're looking for location all different things like that. So it's a matter of you can go into the separate parts of the app when you need those things you only have to consume at a level that you want to consume at but breaking them down into those sections we'll also have another section which is for events. So that will be businesses that are hosting events if mums want to host events you'll be able to promote in there. Again this will be a paid service for businesses but if you're a mum or a community organization you will be able to utilize promoting in the app in those designated channels I think that's really good separating it out right so that people can choose where they want to be and where they want to sit and what they want to be exposed to.

SPEAKER_00 24:14

So that's really awesome. I want to actually now go back to the original question about balancing your work life balance because hearing all of this is a lot of work it's a lot of stuff coming on board especially with still with Hotman War Club I think you've just recently launched in three new locations and I think people don't maybe realize the time effort and energy that it takes to set up these and coordinate with people and communicate with venues and do all of the admin in the back end and the online stuff.

SPEAKER_01 24:41

So how are you managing all of this what are some of the things that you're putting in place to protect your time mental health wellbeing and also still giving yourself time for your business but also for your for alpha yeah some weeks lots of things some weeks everything's going to plan I feel like this balance like cool calm collected I can do everything I can I can have it all type mentality and then the next week I'm like crashing and burning because no one signed up or like all these crazy things. So it's really peaks and troughs I think as much as like you mentioned before I do share pretty authentically that still behind the scenes stressing out and and having and having the overwhelm of wow why do I always do so much and why am I always giving to other people am I realistically taking care of myself and things like that. So I do see a psychologist once a month that's another a resource that I I posted about a couple weeks ago I think that's really important. I'm finally going and getting medicated for ADHD so I think that's really important. I think realistically the shower in the car when I have no distractions is when I'm really checking with myself the most how am I feeling right now do I have enough do I have too much on my plate I don't think there's any such thing as balance some weeks you've got it all figured out other weeks it's a dumpster fire but yesterday I think is probably the perfect example of this I'm terrible at delegating I'm very much I know how to do things so I will do everything person. And I will do it quicker because I know how to do it and so I'll just get it done. With all of the hot mum locations they each have a host and realistically these mums are begging me to help and they're more than qualified to help they're smart intelligent capable they love walk club they've got skin in the game they're amazing and I'm just like yeah yeah yeah I'll get to it I'll get to it I'll get to it and then yesterday was the tipping point and I called Katie we like to keep it really confusing most of our first start with K or A. I was talking to Katie and I said Katie I just saw what you put posted in the group chat I'm just I'm so sorry I have so much on my plate I feel like I I I'm not getting to everything it's just let me do it and we just had a big impromptu strategy session where she was like okay I think you should do this I think you should do this I think you should do this it's gonna take so much off your plate. We want to help let us help and I think for me that's probably one of my biggest downfalls is I don't let people help until I fully have nutted out how they're gonna help, when they're gonna help what they're gonna do. And then by then it's probably too far gone that I'm very spread thin. So yesterday was a massive day of me just sending voice messages to all of the mom hosts going what capacity do you have and what do you realistically want to help with and offloaded so many things. Now we have designated social media managers and someone's going to be the designated events coordinator for events outside of our usual walks and just finding what they want to do a lot of them will say oh I didn't want to overstep so actually opening up to help is probably one of the hardest things on a business level on a mum level I know a lot of mums won't accept help. A lot of my close friends won't accept help. They're always the first to come and help me when I expressed in the group chat that I wasn't having a good time mentally and I wasn't cut out to be a mum and was having my mental breakdown for the month I they stopped my ABN and found my address and then came knocking because they knew I wouldn't accept help. I think I remember that yeah that's just when you were in Mama's circle's circle and you were like how are you and I was like I think I remember seeing in the group chat and then they've done a group chat separate and they were talking about because we've obviously heard that you weren't doing so well and yes people go oh do I don't I how do I help yeah and then I remember them going oh we have a group chat and then they figure out where you live I do remember that now yeah and so I would get I was getting messages come outside and I'm like what so I think though that kind of comes back to if you want a village you've got to be a villager I think a lot of people will say to me like oh why do you have so many people that show up for you or how do you have such a good community but the reality is I'm putting I do what others do for me I put a lot of my time into helping others so that when the circle comes back around and my time of need and I am needing to let my guard down and just be taken care of a little bit I have done that for others so it comes it flows back quite easily.

SPEAKER_00 29:14

I think that give and take right is really important. I think listening to you accepting help has actually really made me reflect on on my stuff too. I think in the past though I've had people help or want to help and then it's sort of things I don't have been let down a little bit so maybe that's why I'm super guarded with it. But yeah I also need to recognise that you know not everybody's like that and and that's okay too and they've helped with the capacity that they can help with at that moment. But yeah running businesses and and giving I think that people don't see the level that it gets to especially when you're managing so many communities.

SPEAKER_01 29:50

Absolutely I think a really big thing for me I'm a huge calendar user um that's just a matter of it like empties my brain a little bit and when you are juggling so many things I need that visual and I need that reminder of some mornings I wake up and I go I don't know what I'm doing today but I've set my calendar up so I can just open it and it's gonna help me. And I usually sit down on a Sunday night with a glass of rose and go through what does my week look like so I try and be as less reactive as possible. Obviously things change and being able to adapt to change again is something I'm not great at but constantly kind of working on what I can do better there. But it's just a one day at a time thing. I remember when I was in high school and I was really struggling with my mental health and my mum said to me wake up give it your best and if it didn't feel great get a good night's sleep and try again tomorrow from day one of outfit that is what I've gone with I think that's great advice.

SPEAKER_00 30:52

I think that really is great advice it's practical it's real and it's it is a reset and I often say that in our groups that every day is not going to be perfect and each day you kind of then go to bed and you might not reset completely but it's giving yourself that best chance to I think also finding those little micro moments of like organization for me I think and it's not really relevant necessarily to new mums but from a business perspective finding getting up earlier for me has helped change that the flow of the morning.

SPEAKER_01 31:20

Oh absolutely and with new mums I was really hard on myself because yeah my immediate solution was oh I'll just wake up earlier but if you've been awake from 3, 4 5am and you've gone back to sleep at 6 and then you don't get up till 8 earlier. No not at all it took me probably until his first birthday for him to sleep through the night properly and then people think you're gonna have one good night's sleep and be woo I'm refreshed and ready for life.

SPEAKER_00 31:49

No I've actually got 12 months to catch up on actually real that sleep debt is actually real there's some crazy statistic and I'm not even gonna try and you know explain it but I remember reading something that you know you have an hour you have sleep deprive for an hour and that's an hour that you have to catch up on like it's just math.

SPEAKER_01 32:05

And I see people like a friend of mine always posts about her aura ring telling her a sleep debt and I just feel like that would send me off the deep end mentally in that first year. It'd be like you are now 537 hours in sleep debt and I'd be like I'm never gonna catch that up yeah quite literally so it's just a matter of meeting yourself where you're at so for a long time I wasn't getting much work done. I was trying to do it in nap time and I think now is probably the first time that we have any sort of consistency and consistency pre-pregnancy and post pregnancy are two different things. Like you get so efficient with the little gaps of time that you have so I will get up at five and get two hours of work in before he wakes up at seven but sometimes he wakes up at 530 sometimes he wakes up at six so then there goes an whole hour and a half that I'd plan to get things done. And so I think as much as I set up my calendar for my most efficient week I have things in there that are non-negotiables they can't be moved I've got to push through these have to be done and then I've got things they're different colours non-negotiable is orange and movable is purple. So purple realistically when I look at my day and I go okay well I I just lost an hour and a half in the morning I grab those purple things and I go get out of here you can be done somewhere else.

SPEAKER_00 33:27

I think that's awesome I love that for you actually I love that concept that visual concept that visual reminder of these are non-negotiables these are things that can be shuffled and then having that sort of ebb and flow in your work life balance I think that's really practical tools to sort of use so that's awesome.

SPEAKER_01 33:43

Yeah that's awesome what would you say to a mum who is sitting on a business idea that feels like now isn't the right time it's funny because this is a conversation I've had time and time again um or the opposite table different kind of being that they are only new in business and when can when will they be ready to incorporate a child into that so I would just say go for it. You think you can be ready to have a child and you can line up all your ducks and then you have this it's completely different and that's what it is with business as well. Yes it takes a lot of effort and time to set up but it's going to give you a level of freedom that you're not going to have in a job. Realistically I send Elfie to daycare because I want to not because I need to when I have to book in an extra day I feel so guilty because I'm like oh I'm at home he should be able to stay home with me but I have the luxury of I get to choose again to a certain extent there are some things that I just have to do but you get to build that business around the life that you want and not the other way around when you go and get a job.

SPEAKER_00 35:02

I completely agree with this everything that you're saying I had a mum the other week and she wants to start a new business and she's she's got a one year old and she's like I just don't know if it's the right time and so upon reflection for me I've had a very sort of up and down business journey. I've had a business for a long time but it's ebbed and flows in the level of commitment that I have been able to put in and I've had that flexibility which has been really really great. I say the same thing just give it a go because you are building something that's for later to work around the kids because I'm gonna tell you right now having teens that's a whole different ballgame again. You know there is times where I don't have the mental capacity to put effort and energy into my business because all of this stuff is going on over here with my teens. So for me it doesn't it again it's different hype each stage but each time it looks a little bit different each time I go I'm glad that I have the flexibility in my businesses to be able to be present when I need to and then be able to go to this or be able to go to this or be able to build this.

SPEAKER_01 36:03

So I agree with that advice I think that's that's a really really valuable piece to take away so I actually just you know because I've got lots of spare time I actually work for somebody else on a Friday I go into the city and I work for Australian School of Employment. If there are any mums who are listening who want to start a business this could potentially be for them it is a payment that is designed to get people off jobseeker and onto this different payment basically to support them for 12 months to start their business. So to take off the financial stress and pressure of obviously it takes a bit to get paid for the first time this supports you to build your business um but also give you that consistent income if you have a look online it's called Australian School of Employment are you maybe eligible to get benefits where which will help you build that up.

SPEAKER_00 36:56

It's amazing thank you for sharing that I think there might be a lot of women in the in the community that are listening that are on that fence of my old role didn't fit into my new values and my new life with my baby even though I thought that it might so having those tools to sort of pull on and that those resources I think that's really really awesome.

SPEAKER_01 37:15

And I think the thing I tell a lot of small business owners that I work with is you're new at being a business owner. You're not new at what your skill is so generally people will start a business because they have this skill set and they're really really good at it you know what you're doing you'll figure out the business stuff because a hundred percent of business owners figure out the business stuff like no one knew that when they were starting a business like we figure that stuff out as we go I think just very much enjoy the process it can feel really stressful and that you've got to figure it all out but when I look back to my first year of business I'm like wow that was so fun. You get to test things and break things and try again and yes it's stressful but it is really fun and the result is needs to be based on what's important to you. I think a lot of people think that going into business you're gonna be a millionaire but the outcome for business is freedom. But determining what freedom is to you is the most important thing because for me I don't want to make a hundred trillion dollars like if I did great who doesn't want to make that but my goal is that when Alfie gets to school I can be the mum that can volunteer at things or I can drop him off and pick him up I don't have to worry about care after school or before school. Mine is just being really present and building a business that supports that time freedom so that I can be available for him.

SPEAKER_02 38:38

Yeah that's perfect.

SPEAKER_01 38:39

And what's one thing that you want everyone listening to take away from today that you're doing a great job even if your mind tells you oh I'll get I'm gonna get sad because I feel like I'm not doing a good job at the moment that you're doing a really good job even when you don't feel like you are you are doing an amazing job it's just a one day at a time thing you just gotta put your best effort in and you can't do better than your best sometimes your best is getting up and folding the washing and cleaning the house and having this display horror looking house and other days it's sitting out in the sun recharging because your mental health is falling out of your backside and I think the funny reminder is when you when I am having my little mid TV and Elfie's just kind of sitting there watching me and I'm like I know I'm being really ridiculous right now because he obviously has no idea he's having a great time and he's kind of looking at me like you're right what's happening here mum why do why crowd again and I think yeah so if you're ever upset kind of just look at your child looking at you and they put you in your place and they're like you're ridiculous again can we get on with play I think it's so so real and you're like to be emotional about it.

SPEAKER_00 40:01

In my first podcast episode it was what do I wish I had told myself 10 years ago and my response was that I'm doing enough that I am enough and stop questioning that because it's so true and it's so real. Every person out there today every woman out there every new mom out there is doing enough and they are enough.

SPEAKER_01 40:20

I hear all the time too if you're worrying about if you're doing enough or you're doing it well then chances are you are and I have always been someone that sets the bar really high for myself so a lot of the time I am falling short because my expectations are so high so I think I have definitely come a long way in bringing myself into reality and not being so hard on myself like reframing the conversation right with yourself too is important. Um and I think too just knowing at the end of the day none of this really matters you can't be the richest person in the cemetery. When you go how are people going to remember you were you a good person were you a loving person were you a kind person what if people aren't gonna go oh my god she died with a million dollars in the bank your children aren't gonna go oh my mum passed away but it's fine I've got a million dollars in the bank just really figuring out what's important at the end of the day.

SPEAKER_00 41:18

Beautiful thank you so much for sharing today Kenyan so appreciate you being here and I'll pop all of the links to all of your amazing work uh as well in the podcast in the in the captions because I'd love for people to you know support your amazing business and your journey too.

SPEAKER_01 41:33

Thank you. Thank you and people are more than welcome to send me a message at a pretty open book and if anybody had any questions I'm happy to chat.

SPEAKER_00 41:40

Beautiful thank you so much thank you so much for spending time with us today. If this podcast resonated with you please feel free to leave a review, share with a mum that might need it and we're so glad to have you part of our inner circle.