Mondo Bizarro
From the paranormal to cryptids, heavy metal and horror movies. It’s a big weird world and your hosts Thick Nick and Andrew are here to talk about it every week.
Mondo Bizarro
Romancing the Bizarro -or- The Love of Monsters
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Welcome back!
This week we're talking about monsters and horror icons and if we... love... them? So strap in and get your therapist on speed dial, we're getting weird.
Welcome to Mondo Bizarro, it's a weird world, someone's got to talk about it.
Music Credits:
Turbonegro - Rendezvous with Anus
Rammstein - Pussy
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For a thousand years, the Indians of the Great Northwest like the monster of Greatfoot or Catwatch.
SPEAKER_09Like these youngsters, thousands of others will be dressed in their favorite costumes on Halloween night. They will all be excited, but they must be careful when they go trick or treating if they don't want some story beats out of our ears.
SPEAKER_02With me as always, is Andrew. Say hello, Andrew.
SPEAKER_03Hi, everybody. How you doing?
SPEAKER_02Oh man, last week was a fucking doozy of an episode, and it was a downer. I know it was. So we we when we talked about doing a real serious episode, we were like, okay, let's do something a little bit more fun. And so we thought, what better way than to talk about things we would or would not fuck.
SPEAKER_01So that's that's what we're gonna talk about.
SPEAKER_02So for a for a while, we're gonna be talking Smash Your Pass horror edition, and uh you're gonna understand us a little bit better, or we're suddenly gonna have a whole lot less listeners, or more. I don't know, to be honest, man. So I I started this out.
SPEAKER_03I love that you have the giggles right now because it it this is setting the stage for me. This is going to be fantastic.
SPEAKER_02I am ready. I st I set it up like the first one, I would say it is pretty normal. And then it slowly goes up from there. So Andrew, Andrew, are you ready?
SPEAKER_03So we so you're saying we have we have a bit of a curve here.
SPEAKER_02Yes. It's a it's would you call it a difficulty curve? No. No, man. I wouldn't. This is uh this is just gonna be uh probably the most bullshit episode we've ever done or ever will do. But it's gonna be bullshit in a good way. I'm I'm so excited to do it. I'm ready. So I've been ready. We're gonna start out, we're gonna start out normal, what I would say most people would consider a conventional Smasher Pass. And then like I said, we're gonna have a it'll it'll curve up from there. So uh our our our first our first character is gonna be ghost face from the Scream series. Now this can be any of the ghost faces that you want. It could just be sp explicitly the ghost face mask with a knife, or it could be Stu, it could be it could be Billy, doesn't matter. It it's it's who you want it to be. Fair so ghost face. Smash or pass.
SPEAKER_03Smash, no questions.
SPEAKER_02Uh okay. We we are in agreement there, smash. And I don't I don't like I don't care if it's Matt Lillard, I don't care if it's Skeet Ulrich, I don't care.
SPEAKER_03Either or is perfectly fine.
SPEAKER_02Either or. Yeah, I don't I don't care if it's just faceless killer, smash. Smash. All right. So next up we have Nemesis from Resident Evil 3. Now, is the rocket launcher included? It can be. Smash. Smash, 100%. Now, I was gonna include for those of you that are familiar, and we we understand the the nuance is lost on not being able to see what we're seeing. But uh for those of you that are in the know in Resident Evil 3, there are different forms of nemesis. He's got his normal black leather trench coat rocket launcher. Humanoid-ish form. Uh yeah, when he's just rolling around Raccoon City going stars and all that shit. And then eventually he ends up into like this giant monstrosity blob, like kind of looks like a dog thing, sort of. I don't know. Anyway, smash with or without the rocket launcher. Smash. Next up, we have the Necronomicon from Evil Dead.
SPEAKER_03This curve went into went in a different direction than I expected it to. And I love you for that.
SPEAKER_02So just because I know I know you haven't seen Evil Dead. So the Necronomicon is it's it's the Necronomicon. Yeah, it's the book of the dead. Any anything. Right, yeah, exactly. Uh this one is made out of of human skin.
SPEAKER_03Um, if that makes a difference. I mean it does, because then it feels real.
SPEAKER_01Oh no. Smash. Smash? Smash.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Pass. Pass. But you know, it's not, it's not even like the Ed Dean skin bound cover. It's the idea that there's like paper behind it, and I'm like, I don't, I don't want to get a paper cut.
SPEAKER_03Don't kink shame me.
SPEAKER_02Next up, we have Henry Spencer from Eraserhead. I'm giving you no context here.
SPEAKER_03That's a shame because I have no idea who this is. So on principle, I'm gonna have to say pass.
SPEAKER_02That's probably for the best. The correct answer here is pass. Now, we'll we'll talk. This is a David Lynch character from the movie Eraserhead. Um and it's it's a fantastic movie. It is a very weird. It's a very David Lynch movie. Um but yeah, it's it's gonna be a a pass strictly because of the character, the actor, I'm I'm fine with. So here's kind of a I don't it's not even a curveball, it's just it's this character asterisk. It's Jason from Friday the 13th, but specifically when he does not have the mask on. And I think this is from part four or part five. It's the one with Corey Feldman as a kid.
SPEAKER_03You know this one's fifty-fifty. I'm gonna throw it out there. This one's fifty-fifty.
SPEAKER_02I've I've got quite the imagination, and I have a very, very wide gamut of what I consider attractive or what I'm willing to put myself out there for. But unmask Jason is gonna be a no for me.
SPEAKER_03You need the paper bag, right?
SPEAKER_02I need I need the I need the bag or the hockey mask or the burlap sack. I don't know.
SPEAKER_03Or for me, it's like it's like I like them big and strong. But then he smiled. What a tooth.
SPEAKER_02I do, but I like the jaw to be lined up.
SPEAKER_03Who cares about specifics? Pass.
SPEAKER_02Well, that's why that's that's why if it was with the mask on, that's an easy smash. 100% mask off? Absolutely not. All right, next up. The nun Valak from the Conjuring and the Nun movies.
SPEAKER_03Smash.
SPEAKER_02A hundred percent smash. And I was, I would, I also I I don't have it here. I made a slideshow for us, just so you guys know. Um and I was gonna include the demon form of Valik on here as well. Uh, but I was a little pressed for time. Uh but but smashed to either one. So we're going back to video game characters. Uh next up is the witch from Left for Dead.
SPEAKER_03This is gonna be a pass for one reason. I can't do it. Is it cage?
SPEAKER_02Oh, well, you know what? It's it's a smash for me. Fair, you know. It's yeah.
SPEAKER_00Next up, Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Smash.
SPEAKER_02See, I'm I'm gonna say pass, and not because I'm like, oh no, big strong Texas guy with a chainsaw, ew. You are my ideal, but because I I love the character of Leatherface so much and how I perceive him is very specific. And when we eventually will talk about Texas Chainsaw Massacre, I'll get into that a lot more. I can respect it. But yeah, so as far from me, pass, but I totally understand the smash on it.
SPEAKER_03Respectable.
SPEAKER_02So up next.
SPEAKER_03Oh god, it had to be this version.
SPEAKER_02Oh no. It is Marguerite Baker from Resident Evil 7, but specifically after she uh mutates and has her um why don't we just call it what it is?
SPEAKER_03It's a beehive crotch. Yeah. She's got a 40-pound beehive between her legs.
SPEAKER_02I think yeah, that's it's gonna be a pass for me.
SPEAKER_03You thought I was gonna smash, didn't you?
SPEAKER_02Okay, so I knew if I included Marguerite before she mutates, you would have said smash. I would not. Only because lore reason in the game as before they get infected, Marguerite is the sweetest woman on the planet.
SPEAKER_03Oh, it still would have been a pass because I I do I've I've played through uh all of seven and I thoroughly enjoyed the game. Uh and that that sequence where uh Ethan's unconscious and you just you kind of he kind of goes inside of his head and uh Jack and Marguerite are there, and Jack is trying to explain, hey, you know, calm down. This isn't us. I promise you, help us. It's it's a really good sequence that uh that really kind of cemented the game for me. That it's like, hey, these really aren't bad people, they were just living their lives, and this shit happened, and they became what they became.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. No, I'm I'm with you on that. I I have the exact same sentiment.
SPEAKER_03Fantastic game, though. Fantastic.
SPEAKER_02A hundred percent. Up next, specifically, it is the Queen Xenomorph and the Predator.
SPEAKER_00Both at the same time?
SPEAKER_02At the same time.
SPEAKER_03This is a smash all day long. I don't care what anybody says.
SPEAKER_02Hundred percent. Hundred percent. Now, you wanna you wanna know what's what's really crazy? That that image I have here of the Queen Xenomorph looks awesome.
SPEAKER_03No, yeah, it's it looks great. I like I love her design.
SPEAKER_02That is the like perfect grade, whatever they call it, NECA action figure of the Queen Xenomorph. No shit. Dude, I'm saying that that is an amazing looking toy.
SPEAKER_03That's absolutely badass.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, smash all day. Queen Xeno and Predator, we're smashing. Up next. The needle pit from Saw 2. Jesus Christ. Smash or pass, Andrew.
SPEAKER_01I didn't know.
SPEAKER_03This isn't even a person. Wait a minute.
SPEAKER_01It is a hole.
SPEAKER_03Unprinciple, smash.
SPEAKER_01I ain't no bitch. I'm here for a good time, not a long time. Exactly.
SPEAKER_02YOLO. If you want to like Thelma and Louise that shit together, sure. Oh, you know, if you will, I will, I guess. But if I'm walking and I just see a pit full of needles and I'm like, excuse me, are you the needle pit from Saw 2? And they say yes, I'm gonna say, Oh, I am not a fan. Not even slightly. Fuck yourself.
SPEAKER_03That don't king shame me. Up next, pumpkin head. What'd that tail do though?
SPEAKER_00Well, you know.
SPEAKER_03I mean, I want to hang out and like have a beer, but pass.
SPEAKER_02You know, he he would not even be down for that, I can promise you.
SPEAKER_03Umfortunate, I'm such a cool guy.
SPEAKER_02Yes, that is a fury machine right there. Okay. And next. The alien from signs. Oh, good. But specifically the the scene where it's at the kid's birthday party and it walks by.
SPEAKER_03Oh no, I'm frightened.
SPEAKER_02Like, I'm just saying, if you looked at me like that from across the bar, I would immediately run in the opposite direction.
SPEAKER_03No, that's just how you assert dominance right there. That's how you establish your presence.
SPEAKER_02That is that is not somebody that you can leave your drink un it uh unattended with. I mean that is that is not somebody that you can trust.
SPEAKER_03Baz. I'm hoping not for a different kind of alien. Baz.
SPEAKER_01That's actu that's all I got. Because I was making this at work.
SPEAKER_03Oh shit. Alright, alright, alright. If we're gonna if we're gonna we can keep this going off the cuff. I could I can play that game. I got one for you. Oh no. I got one for you. This one's real easy. Okay Lady Dimitresk, Resident Evil 8, Village.
SPEAKER_02Oh, that that's a a hundred percent smash. And I don't care if it's the mutated dragon form. Smash. We like Windy. Yeah. I'm trying to think of of of something. I don't I don't even know if I've got another one. If you've if you've got I do some Yeah, dude, fire him off.
SPEAKER_03Pinhead from Hellraiser.
SPEAKER_02Oh fuck. You know, okay. I'm gonna say pass, but it's only because I love Doug Bradley so much, and I can't not associate the two, and I just feel like that would be fucked up.
SPEAKER_03Fair, fair. Fair. Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_07Let me think. Let me think. That's fine. I can edit all this.
SPEAKER_03Alright, I got one. I got one. It's not really a horror movie. I mean it's it it's not a horror movie. But in the moment of the movie, it could be considered scary. But the cave troll from The Fellowship of the Ring. In the minds of Moria.
SPEAKER_02That's a tough one. I know. It's not even that. It's it's just one of those like I'll climb on you. You know what I mean? Like Yeah, that that's a smash. Balrog too. And Cantolf. Hey.
SPEAKER_03The truck driver from Joyride. Cranny Cane.
SPEAKER_02From Joyride.
SPEAKER_03Cranny Cane. You don't ever actually see him.
SPEAKER_02We Well that's a hard to decide.
SPEAKER_03You gotta go off the voice alone.
SPEAKER_02From 2001.
SPEAKER_03I think that's right.
SPEAKER_02Is that a fucking Paul Walker?
SPEAKER_03Enjoy it?
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02I don't think I ever saw this.
SPEAKER_03Fantastic movie. If you haven't, check it out.
SPEAKER_02I um I'm gonna have to say pass, but only because I don't know the movie. Which is, I mean, I I can't say that that's There there was a point in time where those like early 2000 to mid 2000 horror movies weren't very good. I wouldn't. Oh my god. I wouldn't realistically fucking That's Ted Levine. That's that's fucking Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lamb. Candy King. So I changed my answer to Smash. Right, right. I love him. Love him, love him, love him. He is such such an amazing actor, and and is is so much more than than just Buffalo Bill.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_02But it is oh my god. If you haven't seen Silence of the Lambs, turn this off and go fucking watch that and come back later. You can thank us.
SPEAKER_07Okay.
SPEAKER_03Alright. Alright. Alright. The pool drain from Final Destination V.
SPEAKER_02Alright, and with that, we're gonna take a full break. We're gonna play some music and we'll be right back. And we're back from the brick. I know that was a weird first half. And if you're still listening, I see you. We both do. But we're gonna change it up like we always do. And I'm gonna pass it over to Andrew. And Andrew, what do you got?
SPEAKER_03So we had our fun in the first half. You know, that was one of the best things I've ever been a part of, and I've been a part of a lot. It was absolutely fantastic. But I want to dial it back in a little bit, bring it, bring it back down to earth just the hair. Because we we floatin' anyway. But I had the idea of what are your top five worst horror movies that you have seen? And this can be anything inside of the horror genre, horror comedies, horror romance. Do we have any of those? Um but the top five that you have seen that for you were just dismal. Absolutely terrible. So I'm gonna let you lead off with your number five.
SPEAKER_02So I I can say that with with this movie specifically, I I don't know if anybody else likes the movie. So I and I don't know if that's gonna be a controversial thing. But my my number five is Midnight Meat Train, which you're like, hold on, there is no fucking way that that's a movie. And it absolutely is, and I actually saw that in theaters, and it's man. So Midnight Meat Train is a short story by Clive Barker, right? And it is not a a surprise that I'm a Clive Barker fan. I have not read this short story, I just had the displeasure of paying money to see this, um, and really wish that I wouldn't have, which is a shame because Bradley Cooper and Vinnie Jones are both in this movie, and they're both fantastic actors, and it was just not um it was not for me. Yeah, I man, I I I truthfully I I think the movie was absolute dog shit, but and again, like the movie is not visually bad, the acting isn't bad. I just sat there for an hour and a half going, what the fuck is happening? Like that this just does not make sense to me. Now, this was 2008, and I am almost 100% sure that I was under the influence of something when I was watching it. But I've watched it since then, and I I dislike it just as much as I did then, and I was definitely not under the influence of anything. Cannot stand that movie. Midnight Meat Train. If you and look, if you like the movie, I'm sorry. I'm not saying you have bad taste, just not for me.
SPEAKER_03That's fair. And I I probably should have led this off with these are our opinions. This is how we feel about this. This does not mean that just because you like this thing, we hate you. That's that's not at all what we're getting at. This is for us specifically.
SPEAKER_02I hate you for a completely different reason.
SPEAKER_03But so my number five, and I have I had to think about this one because I was torn between this one and another one. Um but my number five is the 2008 remake, American remake, of One Missed Call. Oh fuck. So overall, I would say it was a it was a relatively decent movie, but it becomes difficult to follow. And it it to me, this movie is kind of portraying itself as half the ring, half final destination, smashed together into a baby that likes to hang out with the Saw franchise. If that makes any sense.
SPEAKER_02I've seen the original, and I I wouldn't say it's one of my favorite, like uh Japanese horror, I'm pretty sure. It is a J-Horror, yeah. Um but it's not it's not bad. The the the original.
SPEAKER_03So I have not seen the original, being completely transparent and honest here. I have not seen the original. And when I initially watched it, I didn't realize that it was a Jay Horror remake. So I'm not super duper familiar with J Horror. And so that's neither here nor there. But for me, it was an okay movie, but it's like what do you make up your mind. What are you trying to be? What are you trying to do? Like things could have been done so much differently in that movie, and it it could have potentially been something far better than what it was. It has a zero percent on Rotten Tomatoes. Damn. It is a zero percent.
SPEAKER_00That's that sounds like it's uh it's it's right there with like the Melania movie.
SPEAKER_02Which which is also a fucking horror movie. Yeah, one miss call. God damn, that is a that's a that that that is an excellent choice because that is a shit movie to watch, man. 2008. See, and this one that like like 2008 was not a good year so far. We're we're two misses into 08.
SPEAKER_03So number four.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, number four. We're gonna get a little bit more modern here, and this is 2025's clown in a cornfield. I recently watched this, and I was so disappointed. I was because everybody I had talked to said how it's it's like the modern scream, it's tongue in cheek, it's funny, it's got great kills. It has none of that. It is occasionally funny. And even then, the most response it got out of me was and that's it. It's again based on a book, did not mean to choose to book adaptations back to back, but it it just it doesn't hit, and and I I have not read the book. I it not not that I don't have any want to, but and and again, I'm sure the the author has pinned a wonderful book. The movie sorely fell in execution very badly, and I I definitely see the potential, like there's like five books, I think, in that franchise, and that was definitely what they were going for with the movie, and I'm like, no, sir, that is I I I sat here for the entire runtime, and that was a hundred percent too much. I will go do something else now.
SPEAKER_03So my number four is going to surprise you because my number four comes from a series that I enjoy very much. Okay, and my number four is Saw the Final Chapter.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_03So for reasons that anybody who have seen the Saw franchises, you already know why this movie is on the list. There's some pretty crazy plot holes. The the acting in this movie is subpar at best. Um you know, there's some interesting kills in the movie, but it it almost felt like this movie was rushed. They pushed too fast to get it out, which to me would kind of explain the other two movies that follow. Of them trying to basically take it back. You get what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_02Yes. But I love the Sauf. Was this the one that was the prequel where they're in like Mexico, or is this the one No, this is Saw 7.
SPEAKER_03This is the one that's not Spiral and this is not Jigsaw. This completes the seven movie saga.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And so um because of how this movie hit, I'll be honest, I have not seen Jigsaw, and I have not seen Spiral. Because I've been I've was worried that it was gonna hold up the same way. Granted, I've heard mixed things about both of them. Um course, I fully admit that the entire series itself is all kinds of full of plot holes and there's some goofy shit that happens. But in the same instance, I love the story. You know, some of the kills in the movie are great, some of the moments in the movie are absolutely wild. I would argue, excuse me, that Saul 4 is my favorite because the way Saul 4 plays out is really, really good, and the ending of that movie pisses you off so badly because that movie does what it's supposed to do. I agree with that. I I rank Saul 4 very high. But saw the final chapter, it it felt rushed, it could have been a lot better.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I I I I definitely it does feel rushed. What do do you know what year that came out, just off the top of your head?
SPEAKER_03I want to say that was 2013. God.
SPEAKER_07I can check real quick. I can't spell.
SPEAKER_03I was I was wrong. It was 2010.
SPEAKER_022010. That motherfucker can drive now. Yep. So I I I agree. I feel like it it got rushed. If if and if that's not the case, I'm I'm surprised. I don't know any of the the background to the film, so I don't know what happened.
SPEAKER_03But it was also referred to as Saw 3D.
SPEAKER_02That's what happened. So what number are we on? Three? Is next. Okay. So this one is going to uh be the first of three nails in my crucifixion. Um and again, did not intend this, but it is based on a short story. Um, this is 1988's They Live with Roddy Piper, Keith David, Meg Foster. I this movie is an hour and a half, and it felt like it was three hours long. It just keeps going and going, and by the time it finally gets to the end, I was just glad it was over. This is one of those times where I still think people should see it. I just don't see what all the people that absolutely love this movie are raving about. I didn't see that. I I whatever movie you guys are watching, please tell me because that's not what I watched. I got the whole fight in the alleyway thing, and I was like, okay, that's cool. And I'm here to kick ass and chew gum, and I'm all out of gum. Awesome. That's that was cool. But that was it. It it was it was just a whole lot of nothing for me, unfortunately. And and I will I will take my beatings, I will take my lashings willingly, but that was just not a movie for me.
SPEAKER_03Hey, that's fair. We're we're all entitled to our opinions here. Just like my number three, my number three is real dumb. My number three is a horror comedy.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_03And my number three is piranha 3D. Oh.
SPEAKER_02Okay. That's an interesting pick. I want to know why.
SPEAKER_03So it's supposed to be, supposed to be a horror comedy. Which I can see where they attempted to find the comedy. The comedy was not there. It was poorly acted. It was poorly animated.
SPEAKER_07And I'm not talking uh Piranha 3D D.
SPEAKER_03I'm talking the one with uh Christopher Lloyd and Terry O'Connell, uh Richard Dreyfus, Adam Scott.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's that's the one I thought you were talking about.
SPEAKER_03Okay, yeah, yeah. I've seen it twice. It's fun for what it is, similar to, you know, something like Sharknado or anything in that vein, where it's it's supposed to be ridiculous, and I fully understand that. Uh but if it's gonna be ridiculous, you can definitely do better. We've seen the Final Destination series. We know what ridiculous looks like, and those aren't even funny. Um I mean, of course, debatable. They're they're we'll get into Final Destination V another day. But there's one line in the movie that it always stuck with me and it's it's always been funny, and it's Jerry O'Connell screaming, They ate my dick!
SPEAKER_05They fucking ate my dick.
SPEAKER_03Hilarious.
SPEAKER_02I know exactly what part you're talking about.
SPEAKER_03But for for what it could have been, to me, it falls short.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I I definitely can see that. I I don't remember where I saw that, but it was on, and I was just in the room, and I just kept looking up, going, what the fuck is happening?
SPEAKER_03Essentially, it was a it was a Girls Gone Wild, an hour and a half long Girls Gone Wild advertisement with horror elements in it.
SPEAKER_02Which that sounds like it would have been a stellar combo. It was not. Yeah, unfortunate. It was not. Number two. My number two will be the second nail in my crucifixion. Um in this is. It is 1985's fright night, and I can see the torches burning. I can hear the pitchforks being sharpened. Look, I watched it and I was so excited to watch it. Okay. What the fuck? I I it has it had so many moments where I was like, ooh, okay, I'm getting into this. And then it just pulls back, and I'm like, fuck. Why? Like, I love 80s aesthetics. I love the the scents and the colors and the the the cameras. I there's so I want to love it. I want to be like, oh dude, Fright Night is my favorite movie of all time. I want to be one of those people, but I cannot stand this movie. Like if we're we're talking some quick side tangent here. My scale is from one to ten. Ten is best movie I I've ever seen. I love this movie. It is it is perfect to me. It is a when Harry met Sally. It is Hokum. It is uh the big Lebowski. It is it is it is shit like that. It a perfect 10, right? A five is just middle of the road. It's average. Does not make it bad, does not make it great. A one is dog shit. And for me, Fright Knight fell to be like a two or a three. There's there's stuff about it that I do like, but most of it I don't. Just please be gentle. I have a family.
SPEAKER_03Well so my uh my picks in this entire series all pretty much had a theme. And it's late 2000s, early 2010s. I can tell. And it was just a bad time. So and I might catch some flack for this. But my number two is 2011's Cabin in the Woods.
SPEAKER_02Is okay, hold on. There's there's I know I know two movies called Cabin in the Woods.
SPEAKER_03This is I'm I'm I'm gonna put give you what I have in my notes. There's a moment in this movie that's it it'll explain which one it is that is where, yes, it's a funny moment, but this is where I absolutely lost it with this movie. And that's when Chris Hemsworth hops on a fucking dirt bike, takes off across a fucking hill, it slams into a force field and falls into a chasm.
SPEAKER_02I know exactly which one you're talking about now. I I cannot say that I dislike that movie, but it is very middle of the road for me.
SPEAKER_03That's that's kind of where I'm at. Like, yeah, it's my number two. Um just because I it starts out good and then it just absolutely falls apart. It's so for me, it started out at an eight, seven, eight, and by the time you get to the end of it, you're sitting at a three. And it's like what just happened.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and and not not to like no no spoilers for it or anything. But man, I don't know. I I I really feel like this would have been something that would have benefited from a sequel because the ending is very abrupt. Yeah. And I'm like, okay, but that's what I want to know more about. Like, that's what I care about. Not any of the rest of this. This is fine, whatever. Like, I don't get me wrong, I love dumb teenagers and and dumb young adults getting killed in horror movies. Like, oh, let's go fuck in the woods, Ricky. Okay, let's put them in the sleeping bag and beat them back and forth onto a tree until they're ground beef.
SPEAKER_03Friday the 13th, too.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I don't I don't know if I don't know if it's if it's two or uh somebody's gonna be like, you're not a real fucking horror fan.
SPEAKER_03Actually, where that happens is I could tell you where that happens. And it's uh it's Jason X.
SPEAKER_02Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's it's the it's it's they're in the hologram the hologram thing.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Jason X. But yeah, it Cabin in the Woods, I watched it. I I for and I'll I'll say, yeah, this is our top five worst. All of these movies, when watched, I wouldn't say that I hated. I found it hard to really find stuff to put on my list that I hated. This is more gripes and groans and complains, and oh, I really wanted more from this, I really wanted more from that. Sure. So, like like Cabin in the Woods, for the most part, it's a decent watch, but realistically, it's middle of middle of the road. And it for me, middle of the road doesn't cut it. I want at least a six and a half.
SPEAKER_02That and that's that's totally fair. And like the the movies I picked definitely the I I realistically, all the movies on my list, with the exception of Midnight Meat Train, I feel are worth a watch. If you really want a Clive Barker short story adaptation, watch it, I guess. It's probably streaming for free somewhere. Um but uh Fright Night, they live definitely would say, yeah, if if you've never seen them, absolutely watch them. And more likely than not, you will probably love it. Me not so much. Clown in a cornfield. It's eh read the book. Read the book and tell me how the book is. If the if you like the book, I'll read the book. Fair. Mondo Bizarro Book Club. How about that?
SPEAKER_03That sounds like fun. I'm in.
SPEAKER_02All right. So number one. Number one is going to be my my last nail, the crown of thorns. I mean, this is this is gonna be it for me. But it is 2024's long legs. I'm sorry. I had the highest hopes for this movie. I was so excited for this movie, I could not wait for it. I avoided every single thing about this movie. And that was not it. I was so disappointed. I was ready to to watch the scariest fucking modern classic of all time. Holy shit. I this this is a movie that I will say I hated it. Uh, this is a a one to two for me. The only redeeming qualities are the acting is phenomenal. Nick Cage, love him. Absolutely. Uh Micah Monroe. I want to make sure I'm pronouncing her name right. Yeah, Micah Monroe absolutely kills it. But to be fair, she has killed it in every single thing that she's been in. And Osgood Perkins makes really good movies. He has other films that I really like. This is not one of them. I was so disappointed. I I we rented it, I paid full price for it, and this is the reason why I I'm gun shy about renting shit. We my wife and I rented it, we were super excited. We finished it, we looked at each other and went, what the fuck was that? So I'll I'll get up on my cross, do what you need to do. That's fine. But for me, long legs, that ain't it, man. I watched that and I was asking where the beef was. I I oof, strong pass.
SPEAKER_03Oof. That's all I got for that. So, my number one, and I'm gonna lead off with this that I have tried to watch this movie twice. Both times, it put me to sleep. I did not make it even halfway through this movie. The first time I tried to watch it, I also had my little brother with me. He made it 22 minutes into the movie before he fell asleep. My wife, the first time watching this movie, lasted 10 minutes longer than I did and fell asleep. I have not been able to watch this movie because it for me it's so ungodly boring. And that's 2017's The Bye-bye Man.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that that movie's fucking ass.
SPEAKER_03We lovingly we we found a meme a while back, and I can't remember where I found it, but I have it saved in my phone somewhere, and we lovingly refer to this movie as the pee-pee poo-poo man. So if anybody ever hears me talking about the pee-pee poo-poo man, this that is exactly it. The pee-pee poo-poo man is much more terrifying than the bye-bye man.
SPEAKER_02Dude, it is arguably I would rather watch Fright Night again than so bad I don't remember anything about it. There nothing happens. I know. That movie. Look, I I am I am not one of those people that likes to be like, oh, this thing fucking sucked. Fuck you. Because you made something, right? You you had an idea, you wrote it down, you got the money together, you produced it, you directed it, whatever. And I love that. I truly, truly, genuinely do. But fuck that movie.
SPEAKER_03We don't stifle creativity around here.
SPEAKER_02No, man.
SPEAKER_03Look, but if what you is a steaming pile of kid, we're gonna tell you.
SPEAKER_02Look, yeah, right. And and I get it, it's subjective, but I have never met anybody who's like, oh dude, you know what movie I fucking love, bro? The fucking pee-pee poo-poo man. Like, no, I have never met anybody. And I have I've got people that like some stupid shit.
SPEAKER_03I mean, I'm one of the ones, let's be honest here.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but you've got standards. Indeed. You're like, yeah, I'll watch fucking Jaws the Revenge, but I'm not gonna fucking watch the bye-bye man. Holy shit. What a first pick, huh? Dude, yeah. That that oh I'm angry. I'm mad. I'm mad that that movie got mentioned.
SPEAKER_08I just ruined it all night.
SPEAKER_02You did. I'm gonna go fucking put my headphones on and do karate in the street or something now, man. I want to play. I I do have an honorable mention. Okay. And I don't, I don't think if this is one of those, like I'm about to be stabbed in the side by a spear while I'm being crucified, this will get the Romans to pull back a little bit. Um Shelby Oaks movie was horrible. I was so pumped because it was a YouTube series, and Shelby Oaks was so bad. The movie. Watch the YouTube shorts collection, whatever. The movie is so bad, and I paid, I fucking paid for it, man. Like, you see why I was like, okay, am I gonna spend $20 on Hokum? Like, I'm not happy about this. I was very happy about that. And and look, for every Bye Bye Man, you get a Hokum. For every Shelby Oaks, you get the needle pit from Saw2.
SPEAKER_03Doom. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Which is the greatest movie ever made.
SPEAKER_03Indeed. So I also have an honorable mention. Okay, okay. And this one again, it's it's not Doom. I like the Doom movie. And I know that that's gonna be my crucifixion event. I like the Doom movie. I don't care what you think. But um my honorable mention is Lights Out. Oh, that also was a YouTube short, wasn't it? Correct. It was a really well done YouTube short. And it's very short.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_03The short itself is very short, but it that mess that what they're trying to portray there lands and it's terrifying. The movie did not hit.
SPEAKER_02I I agree. I agree. It it's it it works well because it's short. Right. When you start giving it lore, it's not as scary anymore.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, one 100%. And and I had seen the the short so many times, and every now and then I'll go back to it and just be like, man, this is fantastic. What happened with the movie? And and it's short form content exists for a reason. Because some of that stuff you can tell that story in just a few minutes. You can you can portray that message, you can get that scare across in just a few minutes. Um I haven't seen them yet, and it is on my list to watch. But it's the same thing with the smile films. These smile films were also initially a short form content. A short form horror film. That is how they started. And I forget that I forget the name of the short film, and I apologize for that. Um I can I can see real quick.
SPEAKER_02I've seen the first one, and I didn't I didn't like it. Um but everybody has said that the second one is much better. So I'm certainly open to watching it, but it just has never made it to the top of my watch list.
SPEAKER_03Same here, and I've I've seen some small clips from Smile 2, and I like I said, I do want to watch them both, uh, because the premise does is interesting. Um I just have not seen them. Because it's one of those things like, do I want to pay for the rental? Do I want to try to find it streaming for free without ads? Um, you know, I I want to see it, but I'm also like, eh, but I don't know. I keep hearing mixed things, and I don't know if I want to pay for it or not. I got bills. But the short film is called Laura hasn't slept. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Neither has Nick.
SPEAKER_03It's been a week. Yeah, I I I can drink to that 100%.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Yeah, maybe that's uh we'll have to do like a double feature or something. Watch Smile 1 and 2. That'd be cool.
SPEAKER_03I'd love to I'd love to like record while we do something like that. You know, do something do something for the listeners. Catch our reactions, give give live reactions and feedback while we're watching films. That that also sounds like a lot of fun.
SPEAKER_02There's there's a few scares in the first smile that's that are pr pretty good. I uh that's being generous. They're they're they're okay.
SPEAKER_03I was gonna say pretty good is uh Insidious One, and you know exactly what I'm talking about.
SPEAKER_02Aaron Ross Powell any anybody who's seen Insidious knows.
SPEAKER_03And I'm not gonna say anything else about it if you haven't seen it. But Insidious One has one of those absolutely perfect scares.
SPEAKER_02And I know everybody is gonna be like, oh man, that's normie shit. Let me let me explain something. I I am a old school horror guy, right? I love the 30s, the 40s. I love the 60s and early 70s exploitation films, the slashers, the video nasties. I've I'm I'm quite versed in horror. But I had a very odd upbringing when it comes to horror. I we are we were millennials who were left to our own devices growing up. So I had unmitigated access to whatever was on the TV. And then whenever we finally got internet, I was completely on my own there. And the same reason when I talk about video games, and I will come to the defense of games like Fortnite, Minecraft, Among Us, I don't care how normy that shit is. I don't care how normy, insidious, and the conjuring and whatever movie is in the theaters that people are super excited about, that are doing the rounds on social media. It gets people talking about the genre. It gets people to that otherwise would not be watching horror or may not have been interested in playing a video game into that. So somebody goes, oh man, you know, somebody was talking about insidious. It was so scary and and you know, whatever the fuck, right? They watch it and they're like, oh my god, I really enjoyed that. I want to watch something else. Okay. These movies exist, these games exist as what I call like gateway drugs, right? Because the more people that we get to to talk about video games, the more people that play video games, the more people that talk about horror, the more people that write horror or direct it or give it the respect that it deserves, the better quality content we're getting. We're finally on an uptick of horror movies right now with like Iron Lung and Obsession, which we've talked about already, backrooms. And of course, with like the nine out of 10 dentists agree that these movies are fucking incredible. You still have people who are going, well, that's bullshit because that that was made by a YouTuber, so it's not a real movie. Shut the fuck up. That's that's what I got to say. Shut the fuck up. If you don't like it, you don't like it. That's fine. And and I don't care if the reason you don't like it is because it's fully constructive, and you're a film student, and you've got a picture of Quentin Tarantino's feet on your bedroom wall, and you have everything to dissect this movie down to its fucking quarks, that's fine. You can also come at me and say, I didn't like this movie because I just did. Like it. Those are valid. Those are opinions. Everybody's got one. That's fine. But most of these people are that are saying, oh, that's not a real movie because a YouTuber made it, or it's not a real game because it's easily enjoyed by a large demographic of people either have never played it or have not ever been in that that culture or in that shared space where getting people into something is difficult. You see the scene, we are a fringe group. We are we're the weirdos. We like metal, we like punk, we like horror, uh whatever the fuck it is. And we can sit here and say all day, no, we don't want to be accepted, we don't want people to like it. That's bullshit. Because the more people that get into something means that you have more creative eyes on the thing that you like, which means there is more now more opportunity for your new favorite ex to be created. I will never understand people wanting to stifle creativity. I will never get that. Having an opinion, that's fine. That's literally all this episode and what most of this podcast, if not all podcasts, are. It's literally just opinion. But if if uh Tom Holland sent me an email and said, hey, why didn't you like Fright Night? Tell me why you didn't like it. I could sit down and and in detail explain from start to finish what I liked and what I disliked. I I don't have anything to prove to him, and he doesn't have anything to prove to me. I don't think he's an asshole because he made a movie I disliked when there's millions of people who love it, who cite Fright Night as one of their favorite movies of all time. They live is somebody's favorite movie. Long legs. If somebody's favorite movie is Midnight Meat Train, I'm curious. I'm I'm not mad. I just want to know what other movies you've seen. Like, I we want to know why. Yeah, that's it, man. Like so I I'm never gonna sit here and and and tell you don't create something because people are gonna to shit on it. Create something and people are going to shit on it. That's just that's just how it goes. We we live in a society type shit. We make something, people criticize it. Most of the time that people are criticizing it, they either have zero experience in that field, or they just want to talk shit for the sake of talking shit. I hope that at the very least we come across as entertaining and constructive and never hurtful. You know, I don't I don't want anybody to ever be like, man, I don't want to I hope these assholes don't talk about my movie because all they do is talk shit. Like we're not Waldorf and Statler. You know what I mean? Like, we want to be here. I love horror movies. I love bad horror movies. But not everything is gonna hit for everybody. You can't please everyone all the time. You know what I mean? So I'll get off that soapbox now. But I do want to start wrapping things up, but before we go, do you have any advice for our listeners?
SPEAKER_03I think I do going through the neighborhood. I really like that mirror. And there's more than one of you in there. You should absolutely have a tea party.
SPEAKER_02What a wonderful tea party it will be. Thank you so much for joining us. I hope you all had a lot of fun. We had a lot of fun making it. Be sure to follow us on all the socials Instagram, Facebook, all that shit. You can find it in the show notes. If you want to listen to the music that we are playing in the episodes, it's always in the show notes. I'm supposed to be doing a Spotify, but I keep forgetting to do it. Thank you all for listening, all five of you. We love you. And like I always say, be good to yourselves, be good to each other, but most M importantly, most importantly, keep it creepy. We'll see you next week.
SPEAKER_04Too small. After all, zu groß, too klein, I könnte etwas größer sein, let's be the spend und Autobahn alleine in das Ausfahren Reise, Reise, Arbeit, nicht mehr Spaß, nicht verlieben. Doesn't matter what's he doing. Let's crack mit dem flight.