Marriage Icks, Non-Negotiables, and Finding Joy Through Suffering

This week on Us Unveiled, we’re in California talking about our funniest marriage “icks,” the non-negotiables that keep our relationship strong, and why trust, respect, and faith matter so much. 

We also reflect on how God can use our wounds and suffering to advance His kingdom, sharing how faith brings true joy even when life feels uncertain or painful. From marriage standards to spiritual perseverance, this episode is funny, honest, and full of encouragement for anyone trying to love well and stay rooted in Christ. 

⛪️ Dropping the church service we referred to here: 
 https://youtu.be/rO_6E0iXlzs?si=746yTQ1DEIXQTTGd

‼️ Don't forget to leave a comment to help us out and let us know what you'd like to see more of on this series! Sooo much more to get into!!

➡️ Subscribe to my YouTube channel or follow along on Spotify/Apple Podcasts as we will drop new episodes weekly. You also can't miss the everyday fun on my Instagram stories @movinwithmandy -   https://www.instagram.com/movinwithmandy/

Thanks for letting us talk your ears off ! 😋

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Another week, another episode of Us Unveiled, but today we are in California.

SPEAKER_01 0:07

Woo! California love.

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Sing it, bro. Hey, dunno.

SPEAKER_01 0:13

Trying to get that uh suntan, kiss by the sun. Yeah. Um trying to get a little color on Amanda.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

Insert eye roll.

SPEAKER_01 0:24

Which is the funny part is too, is we've been here for a couple days and we've gotten the exact same amount of sun, and I feel like I'm already getting that nice.

SPEAKER_00 0:34

The sun does not touch my skin.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

And for some reason, you're just not changing.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

It does not touch my skin.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

Yeah, I don't know what the deal is.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

I don't either.

SPEAKER_01 0:42

I think it's I think you just need to go no makeup, no nothing. Because apparently makeup is SPF.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

He doesn't understand. I put on SPF in the mornings because I don't want to get wrinkles and I want to protect my skin.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

You're not gonna get wrinkles.

SPEAKER_00 0:57

I am though. No, you're not. I already have sun damage from tanning beds, hyperpigmentation.

SPEAKER_01 1:03

The crow?

SPEAKER_00 1:04

No, you have the crow's feet, and it's because you don't use sunscreen.

SPEAKER_01 1:08

Yeah, but you told me a little while ago that you like the crow.

SPEAKER_00 1:11

It's not the crow. Why are you keep calling it?

SPEAKER_01 1:15

The crow's feet.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

Crow's feet. The crow. I can't. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Crow's feet on you. Color on the face, I think is a beautiful trade-off versus wrinkles. I say I'd rather see color than wrinkles. Okay, but or color and wrinkles versus no color and no wrinkles.

SPEAKER_00 1:37

So you don't like the way I look?

SPEAKER_01 1:39

No, I think you're beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 1:41

But a little color goes a long way.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

No, honestly, it does. And I love a good tan, but the problem is for some reason my skin just does not get touched by the sun.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

But when you get tan, you you do tan.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

I do tan. And I look dang good when I'm.

SPEAKER_01 1:56

You do.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

She looks good. It's just, it's, it's a the perfect.

SPEAKER_01 2:02

It is funny though how I can tan at least two times faster.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Day one, we literally saw the exact same sun. I barely, I don't even think I wore makeup, did I?

SPEAKER_01 2:12

A little bit.

SPEAKER_00 2:12

Maybe a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 2:13

Either way, like you're not all that.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Yeah, nothing got tanned on me. I was barely touched him. He was bright red like a lobster.

SPEAKER_01 2:20

And then a day or two later, done. Done for the summer five.

SPEAKER_00 2:25

Only I could be as perfect as Joe said.

SPEAKER_01 2:28

You've been telling me that a whole lot.

SPEAKER_00 2:30

I have. I said it to him the other day in the elevator. I was like, gosh, you're just so perfect. And he goes like this. He turns his whole body and he looks in the mirror at himself. And I was like, I'm dying. You didn't know you're perfect.

SPEAKER_01 2:43

That's all I needed to hear.

SPEAKER_00 2:44

And by the way, the crow's feet are cute on you. I think I used to call him Squinty when we were dating because he would always he'd be so happy and smiley that he would be like squinting his eyes and they would like not even look like they were opened. And it was the cutest thing. It's like call him Squintty. See? And now you have crows. Ten years later you have crow's feet from it, and I'm obsessed.

SPEAKER_01 3:04

Yeah, and then 20 years later you're just gonna call me old.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

No, each of these little wrinkles holds a memory.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:14

Okay, so today we're gonna start off by talking about icks.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

Ugh.

SPEAKER_00 3:20

Ugh.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

Disgusting. Where do I start?

SPEAKER_00 3:23

Icks among amongst each other. Because honestly, I don't think we have a few, but then I was thinking about it.

SPEAKER_01 3:29

We don't? We do.

SPEAKER_00 3:30

I didn't think we had a few. And then I was thinking about it and I was like, wait, there's a good amount of icks that I've got.

SPEAKER_01 3:37

And the more and more I think about it, that list just keeps growing. I'm joking.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:44

I'm joking.

SPEAKER_00 3:45

Why don't you begin? What are your icks about memes?

SPEAKER_01 3:47

I had to rank them because I gotta Oh, of course. Like there's definitely one through five.

SPEAKER_00 3:52

You had to add some numbers.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

I would say number one is definitely not your feet, but the fact that you put your feet everywhere. For some reason, you always have I don't know if it's like a dancer where you like stretch or what it is, but you always have to have your foot on like a chair or something. Like I'm driving and I drive.

SPEAKER_00 4:14

I drive like this with my foot like up, my knee up, you know, or my foot like on the on the door next to me, like and Joseph hates it.

SPEAKER_01 4:24

Because I'm I'm the one who cleans the car.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

Your dirty shoes are getting all over the car. I cleaned the car.

SPEAKER_01 4:31

I and then yeah, just cannot do it. So feet everywhere. That's number one.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

Comfort people. Comfort over Joseph's satisfaction.

SPEAKER_01 4:44

My next one is uh just going to the bathroom.

SPEAKER_00 4:48

Going to the bathroom?

SPEAKER_01 4:49

Just an ick.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

Just in general. Yeah, just anybody going to the bathroom?

SPEAKER_01 4:53

No, well, you're the only one who goes to the bathroom around me, and that's just an immediate ick.

SPEAKER_00 5:01

Joseph, if you don't know already, Amanda doesn't go number two.

SPEAKER_01 5:06

She just isn't.

SPEAKER_00 5:07

We don't, girls don't do that. We're too pretty. Um, but no, if you don't know Joseph or you haven't caught on already, he's a little OCD and clean freak vibes, which we love about Joe. But like if we are going to the bathroom at all, like in our house, Joseph has his own bathroom, and I have my own bathroom that we do our business in.

SPEAKER_01 5:29

Is that we're traveling now, and there's only one bathroom. Yep. So that's become a big ick of mine.

SPEAKER_00 5:40

Sharing a bathroom isn't.

SPEAKER_01 5:42

I've been trying to mentally talk myself out of it, but we're still working on it. And then you need to get the last one, which you luckily don't do this as much, but when you were on DCC, so you would come home all you know smelling like roses, and you'd hop into bed because it was pretty late at night. Yeah. And you'd be exhausted. Well, Amanda had this thing about her where she would fall asleep, and then she would put her arm at the back of her head. So she would have her armpit.

SPEAKER_00 6:16

Because I would sleep on my back. So my arm was up above my head.

SPEAKER_01 6:19

She'd have her armpit wide open, and sometimes I would sleep to the side, and I would sleep on the side that she was on where her armpit was like literally inches away from my face. And I would wake up at like, you know, midnight or something, and just like bless your heart. I would smell something.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

Bless your horse.

SPEAKER_01 6:42

BO.

SPEAKER_00 6:43

Well, yeah, but I'm glad.

SPEAKER_01 6:45

Oh man, she's got she's gotta put that arm down.

SPEAKER_00 6:48

I'm gonna get some hate for not showering after practice on this one.

SPEAKER_01 6:52

Oh, see, I didn't even bring that up.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

Well, you just said that I had BO after practice and I went to bed, so I'm pretty sure I went to that.

SPEAKER_01 7:00

To give you, to be fair, like you did get home late.

SPEAKER_00 7:02

Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. Like the problem is is like you get home so late, and it's like at least by that time, like I'm not gonna like shower in because I he would be in bed sometimes already, and you did a really good job of trying to stay up and waiting for me. But you're an early bird, so you would go to bed a lot of times.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

That was really hard.

SPEAKER_00 7:21

If he's in bed, I'm not gonna like go into the bathroom and do all of my like my whole everything shower, nightly skincare routine, all things to like keep him up. Like he has to go he you wake up early in the morning. I'm not gonna keep you up.

SPEAKER_01 7:34

Well, and for some reason, like my mental clock, 10 o'c 10 p.m. comes and I'm like clocked out. Done. It's like my switch goes off. No, it really does. There's no dimming, it's just off.

SPEAKER_00 7:44

I try to talk to Joseph past nine. I feel like past 9 p.m. If I try to talk to Joseph, there is nothing that you can get out of him. He's just like a zombie. Like there's like he's like, don't try to talk to me right now.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

Which is hilarious too, because you just want to chit-chat.

SPEAKER_00 7:59

Oh, nighttime comes and I'm alive. Amanda comes alive. I think it's from all the dancing over the years and exert exerting so much energy towards the end of the evening, and then all of a sudden, like just being wide awake. Like, if you work out at night, you know, like you get off and you're like pumped. Like, that's how I would feel after DCC. Like, I'd get home and I'd be like, Oh, yeah, I'm ready to go like climb a mountain. I'm pumped, you know. Like, let's listen to fun music and get dance and yeah, and then like, and he's like clocked out, so try to be respectful of his time too.

SPEAKER_01 8:32

So, what's your icks for me?

SPEAKER_00 8:34

That was all you had.

SPEAKER_01 8:35

Yeah, that was it. You're perfect otherwise.

SPEAKER_00 8:37

Oh, I thought you were I thought you were gonna say the flossing thing.

SPEAKER_01 8:41

Oh, that's right. I'm glad you oh okay, so uh in the last like two years, Amanda has been um she'll go to dinner or lunch or whatever, eat out, and then on the way home or something, she'll just whip out her hair, pull out a chunk of it.

SPEAKER_00 9:01

It's not a chunk, it's one pair.

SPEAKER_01 9:03

Just like she'll she'll twist it up into a nice pull out one hair. Thick line, almost like a fish line. No, I don't know. And then she'll just like start weaving it through her her teeth. And you can't it's unnecessarily gross. That's what it is.

SPEAKER_00 9:20

You guys, I literally just pull out a hair like this. Just a one.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

But you don't need to show.

SPEAKER_00 9:26

It's literally one hair, and then you can literally bloss your teeth in it. I have thick hair, so it works for me.

SPEAKER_01 9:31

Do you know where that hair's been?

SPEAKER_00 9:33

It's my hair, it's on my body. But if I have something in my teeth and I can't get it out, I think it's better to use my hair than like a credit card at my teeth.

SPEAKER_01 9:42

Like clipping your nail off and like using it as a thick in your tooth. Like you just said, oh, it's your own hair. Well, yeah, it's your own nail. That's disgusting. I think they literally make these like little floss pick things for this. Which speaking of bought you a pack for the trip.

SPEAKER_00 10:04

I went to the gas station, they came back and had a bag of stuff for me.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

Care package.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

A whole care package for the road trip. He was like, We're not leaving until you have all of this stuff.

SPEAKER_01 10:17

But that's it. That's my list.

SPEAKER_00 10:19

Oh, I'm just perfect otherwise. Bring you someone's joint. Man, okay, my list. You know, I I kept thinking, I had to like stop the brain because I was like, okay, we don't want to think of too much.

SPEAKER_01 10:32

Too much.

SPEAKER_00 10:32

Too much. But let me just start with the cottage cheese and yogurt. Those those two things, I'm not a yogurt or cottage cheese fan. It's it's the texture, it grosses me out. And I Joseph eats these two things every single day.

SPEAKER_01 10:54

It's my dessert.

SPEAKER_00 10:55

It's his dessert after dinner. So we we literally, the second we get done eating dinner, he's sitting down and he has his cottage cheese or his yogurt and raspberries or whatever. There, and he is just spooning it into the mouth, and it is just it just gives me the ick. That is the definition of the ick.

SPEAKER_01 11:16

To be fair, you're on to something here because cottage cheese does look disgusting. They both look and I probably wasn't on it until like what a year ago. Like it is kind of somewhat of a recent thing, but I think it's here to stay. And yeah, and I just can't look at him.

SPEAKER_00 11:34

And then he also has this like other this like protein shake thing that he drinks at night, and he like puts it in this like blender bottle, and every single night he like grabs this bottle and he like whips the elbow back and he like shakes the bottle, and it's like this huge dramatic thing every single night, and I'm like, dude. I'm like, here it comes every night. I'm like, here it comes, here comes the blender bottle.

SPEAKER_01 11:58

Do you hear yourself? I'm trying to be a healthy individual. First of all, the only reason I started eating cottage cheese was because it's full of protein.

SPEAKER_02 12:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

Pro tip. Second of all, protein shake, really? You want to hate on that? Hate on it.

SPEAKER_00 12:14

I'm not hating on it. I'm hating on the whipping of the elbow as we're watching TV. It's a full thing. I'm like, it's a little bit more.

SPEAKER_01 12:22

And then last year I even got like tennis elbow. It could have been from that.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

It probably was. He complained about tennis elbow forever. He had one of our friends.

SPEAKER_01 12:31

One of those self-diagnosed things.

SPEAKER_00 12:33

Yeah, diagnose him.

unknown 12:35

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

It went away.

SPEAKER_00 12:37

Okay, there is apparently more with food than I have on here because it's the way you eat chips, nuts, any anything.

SPEAKER_01 12:46

Again, healthy things.

SPEAKER_00 12:48

Chips are not healthy, first of all. He eats these things with a fork. He scoops chips out of the bag with a fork, or he'll dump them in a bowl and use them, eat them with a fork.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

I think we need to explain how. Yeah, most people don't even understand how that is possible because it doesn't make burritos and fork. No mess.

SPEAKER_00 13:11

No mess on the fingers because you know Joseph, clean freak.

SPEAKER_01 13:16

So what you do is you the the fork, you put the blade of the chip in between the fork, and then you just kind of angle it and it picks it up, and then you just pop it up.

SPEAKER_00 13:28

A lot more work than if you just pick up the chip and eat them.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

And you eat them slower.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

Or you could talk until Joseph crumbles the rest of the bag.

SPEAKER_01 13:37

My second, my second uh method. Method, thank you, of eating chips. I don't touch them at all. I don't want to touch, I don't need to be fishing my hand in that bag and like wondering where my next chip's gonna come from. You either just pull it out, you put a uh you do it with a fork, or method two, you just crumble the entire thing who doesn't love crumbs, and then you just dump the crumbs in your mouth.

SPEAKER_00 14:02

That's a way to eat them. Perfect. So, this is what I have to deal with every day, folks, is some man who cannot just pick up a chip with his fingers and eat it, but he has to do all these separate methods. So that's another one. Um what about how you have to pee every five seconds when we're driving? Big sigh.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

Alright, there's nothing I can do about that. Yeah, you married a man who pees a lot.

SPEAKER_00 14:33

Yeah, he just has this bladder size of a child, so road trips are road trips are tough, but honestly, this this road trip was a lot better. I'm actually very proud of you.

SPEAKER_01 14:44

Yeah, I held it for a solid moment.

SPEAKER_00 14:46

But I I just hate the peeing on the side of the road thing. It gives me the ick. It's like I I would never pee on the side of the road.

SPEAKER_01 14:52

You're gonna make it sound like I just You do.

SPEAKER_00 14:56

You just pull over and you you pee anywhere.

SPEAKER_01 15:00

I go in the bushes.

SPEAKER_00 15:01

And it's disgusting, and I just hate saying it. I'm like, I I would be disgusted if I drove by and said, Okay, anyone who's ever grown up in the country, that's what you do. Well, if you ever see somebody peeing on the side of the road, it's probably my husband, and I'm really sorry that you have to see that. What else do I have here? Oh, um uh, let's talk about how you love the dogs more than me.

SPEAKER_01 15:28

That's not no.

SPEAKER_00 15:30

Maybe I'm jealous.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

Yeah, I think you are jealous. This this feels like resentment.

SPEAKER_00 15:35

Yeah, he's um he will cuddle up to the dogs like even last night you were like, Oh, Koopy, good night, Koopy. I love you so much. And then he looks at me and he's like, Night, love you.

SPEAKER_01 15:49

Because they give me so much joy.

SPEAKER_00 15:52

Yes, yes, yes. You boys bring us so much joy, don't you? I know.

SPEAKER_01 15:57

I mean, look at them. Look at them.

SPEAKER_00 15:59

They're literally they're literal teddy bears in human form.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

What do they say? Kids first, wife second.

SPEAKER_00 16:06

And then last but not least, I have more. Um, the part in your hair.

SPEAKER_01 16:12

What?

SPEAKER_00 16:12

In the brick of hairspray. You laugh. You you know okay.

SPEAKER_01 16:18

I haven't used hairspray in a while.

SPEAKER_00 16:19

You haven't used hairspray on this trip because you haven't had any. No hairspray, hallelujah. No hairspray.

SPEAKER_01 16:28

The hairspray works well, okay?

SPEAKER_00 16:30

Dad uses too much hairspray, huh, Cooper? Yes, yes, he does. So, Joseph, I told him that he should get rid of the part years ago. This was probably like seven years ago.

SPEAKER_01 16:39

Honestly, you're the one who started the part.

SPEAKER_00 16:41

No, I told him he should get rid of the part.

SPEAKER_01 16:43

No, you you this this all got kicked off because you thought I needed a new hairstyle, which I'm not an experiment. Just let me throw that one out. Because you every like six months, I don't know what it is, you feel like something needs to change. And this six months it was my hairstyle, and this was like five years ago. And I went along with it. I went to the hair lady at Supercuts, and that was the problem. She gave me an and I there was actually a picture on the wall, and and I just said, Hey, I want that guy's haircut. She did it, turned out fine. Apparently, there was a line, and the line never left. But I don't see the problem.

SPEAKER_00 17:25

No, the part I asked him to get rid of the part. The part has gotten deeper and deeper and deeper as we've gone through the years. I keep trying to get rid of it, and yet he keeps he keeps pushing the hair further, and now the hair used to go back, and now it goes straight to the side, and it's gonna be a comb over here pretty soon. That's all I got on you though. I really don't have much.

SPEAKER_01 17:46

Wow. I'll work on those things.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

No, you won't know. That's the thing is you won't.

SPEAKER_01 17:52

I won't, no.

SPEAKER_00 17:53

I've learned to love the eggs.

SPEAKER_01 17:55

Ugh.

SPEAKER_00 17:56

Ugh, that's right.

SPEAKER_01 17:57

I don't think I'll ever love the feet thing though.

SPEAKER_00 17:59

I know. It's not even feet, it's I always have shoes on.

SPEAKER_01 18:04

Yeah, the the because I have shoes on. Ugh.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

So it's not the feet, it's just the fact that my shoes are put on things.

SPEAKER_01 18:13

Yeah, maybe clean your shoes then.

SPEAKER_00 18:15

I these I just got some new ones, so perfect. Perfect. All right, let's move on to non-negotiables in our marriage.

SPEAKER_01 18:23

Oh, perfect.

SPEAKER_00 18:24

Perfect.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

The rule book.

SPEAKER_00 18:27

The rule book of our marriage. Do we have one?

SPEAKER_01 18:30

Well, I would say the first thing for me at least, which I feel like, okay, I feel like all of our rules, we don't like talk about like, oh, we have to do this or that or whatever it is. It's just things that like it's uh almost like standards of our marriage that we just do and know that we should do. But I would say the first thing is um we always say, no matter what, like even if we're a little upset with each other, we always say I love you before leaving the house. Or or leaving each other, like driving away, whatever it is.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

Like um, we always make it um a moment to say goodbye and like give a hug, and I love you. Like Joseph does really good. Like, I'll walk over and be like, Hey, gotta go, like, love you, and I'll go to walk away. He'll literally get out of his like chair at work and like walk around and come hug me.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

Like, I feel like I feel like you never know when it could be someone's last like goodbye, or I not to be like, you know, kind of negative or or sad, but like you you really don't. Like anything can happen, and like I want you to know that I love you and like I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 19:36

I feel like you do make it known that you love me.

SPEAKER_01 19:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

For the most part, at least you could do it. For the most there's some things you could I'm just kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. You're great, you're phenomenal. I know.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

But I would say that's definitely the the one of the big ones. Um probably the next one is like, you know, if someone cooks like the other one obviously won't do dishes, like it's kind of a trade.

SPEAKER_00 20:00

No, you said that the other person won't do the dishes. If someone cooks, the other person does do the dishes.

SPEAKER_02 20:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:07

So if Joseph cooks, I'll do the dishes. If I cook, he does the dishes.

SPEAKER_02 20:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:12

But I think that that's standard and honestly, like fair. Like what cooking is a lot of work, and I definitely think it's more out of respect too.

SPEAKER_01 20:19

Like which honestly, like, kind of comes down to everything is like respect. If one does one thing, the other tries to do the other.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

It's funny because I get that respect, and then but it comes with um sarcasm too. There's there's a side of sarcasm to that respect every single night.

unknown 20:35

Huh.

SPEAKER_00 20:36

Huh. I wonder.

SPEAKER_01 20:37

Where does that come from?

SPEAKER_00 20:39

It's the it's the oh, you don't lift a finger. Let me take your plate. You you don't touch, don't touch it. You just sit right there and look pretty. I this is what I have to hear.

SPEAKER_01 20:51

I don't get it though. Like, yo, okay, so if I make dinner for Amanda, so she'll she'll be sitting on the couch like 30 minutes to an hour before that. I'll I'll go hand you dinner, plate and everything. We'll eat dinner, and then I'm a I'm the type of person like immediately after I eat, I want that plate gone. Like, I don't want it in my eyesight. So I'll then go pick up the plate from Amanda, put it on the counter, waiting for her to do the dishes, and then it'll be like an hour later, and you just won't have done the dishes. So then I'll kindly say, I'll go do the dishes. You are because time is of the essence, and it seems like you're too tired to do anything. I'll go do that.

SPEAKER_02 21:43

You don't lift a finger.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

Move a muscle. I don't want you to pull anything. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:51

I get that one a lot. And it's not that I'm not willing to do the dishes because I obviously am. It's just Joseph wants them done. Than done ASAPs immediately because the the clean freak comes out in the man.

SPEAKER_01 22:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 22:05

Yes. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 22:06

He likes speaking. Honestly, overall, like these are all small things. Like I feel like we it all just stems from like respect and um trusting each other. Like we don't we don't have this thing where it's like, oh, you know, you you can't go don't follow women on social media.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

Yeah, like stuff like that.

SPEAKER_01 22:27

It's like, are you like I don't I don't even go on your Instagram or or like look at who you're following? No, I don't go to Instagram. Honestly care less.

SPEAKER_00 22:35

Like it's so funny because I went on TikTok to like look up what other people because I know this is like a trend going on on TikTok, like non-negotiables, not marriage. And I went up to like look on at what other people were saying their non-negotiables were. And all of them were like, he can't be talking to other women, no following other women on social media, no lying to me, none of this.

SPEAKER_01 22:57

And that's like I'm thinking like, I hope not.

SPEAKER_00 23:00

Well, I'm so confused. I'm like, why are these non-negotiables? Aren't these just like basic standards of like a relationship? You know, like non-negotiables in my marriage, like, and it's not even the fact like like I don't put rules on you. You can do you can follow who you want, you can do what you want. But like, I think we I have an under we have an understanding and a respect for each other that like I'm not gonna go like flirt with other guys, and you're not gonna go like have eyes for other women or whatever. Like, and I know that and I trust you, and that trust built is foundational. I think if you have to like set all these rules and standards in a marriage that you can't be doing that, there there's a red flag, number one.

SPEAKER_01 23:43

I I agree. I mean it it would not to like brag or anything, but I feel like we we do or are blessed with like having trust within each other. So I I feel like it is a a a huge blessing, but I can also understand like how difficult it would be if one of us wasn't that way. Like, wonder if uh you were I did see you getting texts from another guy. Like, I feel like that would be difficult. Like, I've you know, especially if I had trusted you, like I would definitely have a conversation with you, and like you know, I don't know. I don't I'm not even gonna talk about it because it doesn't even need to but like yeah that but yeah, like I don't know, it's just trust and respect. I feel like those are the two things which kind of leads to another one, which is like don't ever humiliate each other, like don't embarrass and whether that's you know, in uh when you're in private, like just the two of you, or in public, like don't ever humiliate each other.

SPEAKER_00 24:45

And I think that that's also a basic standard rule, too. Like, if you love somebody, like you wouldn't want to throw them under the bus in front of like your friends and stuff, and like I'm not gonna go to my friends and talk about Joseph and be like, he did this to me and blah blah blah blah blah. He he could have been better. He's if I have a problem with Joseph, I'm gonna talk to Joseph. If there's like something going on that I'm worried about or concerned about instead of complaining about it to other people or making embarrassing you in public because you did something, like I'm just gonna talk to you about it.

SPEAKER_01 25:17

I think that's also confidence in our marriage and our relationship as well. Like we we're confident that rather than us going to like a friend for a solution or whatever it is, like we're confident that we can work it out together, not through some other person or solution.

SPEAKER_00 25:35

And with God at the center of your marriage, I don't think that you have to go outside of your marriage for answers. I think that you can stay within your marriage and in the Bible, yeah, and like look for answers within your relationship with God.

SPEAKER_01 25:48

Absolutely, which I think is like honestly one of the biggest blessings when you do read the Bible is you create that foundation for both of you so you're both on the same page constantly. Yeah. I mean it that's like when you when you know the foundations of the Bible and it just makes it so much easier.

SPEAKER_00 26:09

And I think when I think of marriage, I think of marriage as you being united into one flesh. And so when two become one, it's no longer like what I want to do versus what Joseph wants to do. It's what do we want to do together as one? What are we doing? Like everything that I do on my daily basis, I run it by Joseph because like I want him to know where I'm going throughout the day. I want him to know that like, hey, if I don't come home, like there's a problem, you know, or like if I don't know, I just I want you, I want to tell you everything. I get excited to tell you everything, probably more than he wants to hear. But like we are one, and I want you to know everything that I'm doing and what's going on in my life and all the things, and I feel like you do the exact same with me.

SPEAKER_01 26:56

Which honestly is another big part of our relationship is always having something to look forward to. Like I feel like we, whether it's a trip or you know, just anything, like it's it seems like every six months we always have something that we're we're planning together or doing together. Um that we've we've kind of always done that.

SPEAKER_00 27:18

And I think, yeah, I feel like that's really important because yeah, then you get you can get excited about something together, you can plan something together. It's not if you have nothing to look forward to, it can be kind of you can you can I feel like it can get stale. Yeah. And like we don't we don't try to like keep our marriage spiced up or anything like that. Like that's not a we don't have to try to do that. We just like always have something to look forward to because we love each other and we want to do something, and but we also put forth effort every day.

SPEAKER_01 27:47

We do put forth effort like you know, crazy things, but yeah, like small efforts every day and then something big to look forward to every like six months or so.

SPEAKER_00 27:56

For sure.

SPEAKER_01 27:57

Um, but yeah, and then go ahead. And then the last thing is definitely church every single week, and that's not even like something that we really think about anymore. Um we used to be like pretty inconsistent, but now it's and I feel like this is a big thing for men, especially. Like as a man, like you've gotta make it the top priority every single week to bring your family to church. I think every man of a family needs to do that because there's gonna be things that come up, like you know, oh I'm not feeling well today, or or something like that. And I think like there can be instances where like, yeah, if you have the flu or something, like don't go, but like a lot of times you don't, and like that could be like maybe one Sunday out of a year, potentially, but otherwise, like it has got to be the number one priority.

SPEAKER_00 28:49

I agree. I think if Jesus isn't at the foundation of your family and your marriage, like you're not going to it's not gonna be as successful as it could be.

SPEAKER_01 29:02

Um and you can easily drift. I think that's the the biggest thing.

SPEAKER_00 29:07

I I agree. I think yeah, I feel like you talked about that a lot in your men's group, you said, like, um, without Jesus at the center of your marriage, like you can absolutely have eyes for somebody else or drift somewhere else. Like it's dangerous, y'all. Like if you go to work and you have a work husband or um somebody starts providing assistance to you at work or whatever, and you don't get that feeling when you go home to your wife, like you start to like, I don't know, maybe have some feelings for somebody else, and that can be so dangerous. Like it's lust is so bad and can something so simple as just working with somebody of the opposite sex can turn into something greater, and it's like you just have to be so so careful and know that like your spouse is your number one, like you are my one. I would never ever do anything to hurt you, and you know that, and I would never want to do anything like that. But it's like it can just it can just happen so nonchalantly, nonchalantly and easily.

SPEAKER_01 30:10

Yeah, and I think that's the like my men's group actually that was the biggest thing we talked about in our group was it doesn't just happen in the next like week or something. This is something that can happen, I mean it totally could, but like this is normally something that can happen over the course of like a year or maybe two, and then you know, as you keep maybe having those conversations with some other person more and more it becomes normal, you have feelings, X, Y, and Z, but it's like you've got to just cut it off instantly. Um or or not even go there in the first place. Don't even go there.

SPEAKER_00 30:49

I think don't even put yourself in situations where you're going to go there. Like, um, yeah, I just which go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 30:56

Which I think also leads to having a band of brothers or sisters that you can lean on and have people to go to for those hard conversations, like, oh, like you know, maybe if if someone sees that like a good friend of you sees that you're um you know not treating your wife as well or you know caring a lot less than you used to, like they can call you out on it. And Joseph has a mentor who him and like him, my mentor and I have specifically both had a conversation about like look, you might struggle with this, I might struggle with that. If we ever have the slightest bit of you know thought that one of us might be struggling with something like that, we've got to call each other out. And it could just be as simple as like, hey, like I've noticed X, Y, and Z. Like, is this becoming a problem for you? And it's it's not like you know, this uh this bad thing of like calling a friend out, it's more looking out for a friend before an actual problem problem happens so that you can nip it in the butt and just not even get there.

SPEAKER_00 32:08

Well, yeah, like alcohol. Alcohol can turn into a bigger problem the more you drink and drink, and you could drink casually, like we have to do it.

SPEAKER_01 32:15

But it could be two or three or maybe four drinks, and it's like all right.

SPEAKER_00 32:20

And we've gotten there before where it's been like it could have been an issue with one of us, you know, like for sure.

SPEAKER_01 32:25

Yeah, and if you're doing it every day and it's it's be you're becoming reliant on it, it's like all right, like as a friend, you've you've got to like have that tough conversation with another friend.

SPEAKER_00 32:36

Yeah, I think having somebody there to kind of just call you out from outside eyes um that isn't your spouse is very important.

SPEAKER_01 32:44

But it is crazy how like how much your your circle can influence you for the better or worse. Like we're talking about friends that are good friends and can you know help you out in those tough situations, but you can also have friends that aren't as great that could maybe even lead you down that not so great path. And I feel like whether you you know choose good or bad, either way you're gonna end up like them.

SPEAKER_00 33:11

Yeah, you are who you hang who you hang out with. I feel like that's absolutely very common phrase, but it's so true.

SPEAKER_01 33:18

Yeah, I mean, in it luckily I feel like we've you know had really good friends um that have influenced us in the right way. Like, and the crazy thing too is to me it's it's um sometimes these friends don't even have to say anything. Like one of when I moved to California, one of the biggest influences and mentors of my life, he never said a word to me about like you need to do this, you need to do that, whatever it was. He just did it and acted, and I saw that and I looked up to him, and eventually over the course of time, like I actually started doing what he did, and which was I would say was one of the most probably the biggest reasons that I'm anything that I am today.

SPEAKER_00 34:10

Yeah. I I mean this guy would what wake up at like they would try to beat each other who would wake up earlier in the morning and leave the house.

SPEAKER_01 34:17

And the the f the one of the funniest things that always like stood out to me uh about this guy is uh I so I lived in his guest house and um story for another day. He would uh blessing he would he would leave for work at 6 a.m. on the dot every single day. Well, the funny thing was is he would honk his horn as he was leaving, and then he made he would make comments to me like, Oh, I'm just uh my wife likes it when I honk the horn when I'm when I'm leaving. And in my head, I'm thinking, there's no way that your wife likes you when it when you honk the horn. And I think the whole time he was like just showing me like, hey, I'm awake and I'm going to work. Like, and then eventually though, I was like, Oh, I need to be awake and go to work too, you know. And it was a it was a good motivator, and you know, eventually it just became a habit. Like I was always up then. Yeah, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:15

I think it's good. I mean, hanging out with the right circle of influence is is a huge deal. And I think it's a big deal for especially teenagers, like the teen years, like the middle school through high school, girls, boys, like that is your time of where you are heavily influenced, and you're influenced by your parents, by your friends, by anybody who's around you. And I feel like that time matters so much. Like it's like who you hang out with matters so much in that time period. Yeah, like you could hang out with the bad kids or whatever, and like but that's ultimately who they're gonna become. So it's like if you have children and um you want them to be different or have different friends or whatever, like you have to be that influence for them.

SPEAKER_01 36:03

I think the best part about it is you can change too. And the best way to do it is just to get new friends. I mean, not to like exile old friends that might be a bad influence, but just I think there's nothing wrong with just stopping hanging out with people. If somebody isn't a bad influence.

SPEAKER_00 36:25

And if somebody isn't leading you toward God, why are we why are you spending so much time around them? Like I think it's important to, I mean, yes, hang out with the people who also may not be leading you to God because you can lead them to God. I think there's importance in that too. But I do think that like for your main circle of influence, you need to have your God-fearing friends who are strong, strong, who are unwavering, who are building you up, and who are setting good examples for you within their marriage, within their other friendships, their work life, like everything. Because if not, like who are you gonna rely on when something goes wrong? Like, when like I just feel like you need that.

SPEAKER_01 37:04

Yes, and I yeah, no, I think it's so important, and I think you need at least I mean, it would be ideal to have three to five too, good friends like that.

SPEAKER_00 37:14

But yeah, we have a lot of couple friends, and I feel like um that works really well for us because we go on a lot of double dates, and so we have a lot of other couple friends that we do double dates with. Um, and that's always fun. I feel like it's fun to like learn about the other couples and what they're doing in their marriage, and yeah, um, everybody's different, so it's cool to I love meeting new people all the time. I'm always like, who wants to go on a double date? Yay, let's go. Should we move on to faith?

SPEAKER_01 37:42

Let's do it.

SPEAKER_00 37:43

All right, so last week we talked about how God was in control during the storms of our life, and this week we are talking about how God can use our wounds to advance his kingdom.

SPEAKER_01 37:57

Um happiness versus joy. Like happiness, I feel like is always a result of things happening in your life, whether it's good or bad. And whereas joy is this that unwavering, you know, faith that that Jesus brings in.

SPEAKER_00 38:15

Whether there's good or bad, yeah, good or bad. Yeah, our pastor in our service talked a lot about uh not the storms, but just like you utilizing these sufferings in your life and these hard trials that you may face to advance his kingdom and how that can give you hope within um your sufferings. And um he talked a lot about Paul. And I I know you love Paul, so why don't you talk about it?

SPEAKER_01 38:42

Yeah, no, I d I do. And I think um Apostle Paul. Well, I think the the first thing to understand is you know, obviously God created everything, but like God didn't create sin. God created all things good, and but he created us to have the freedom of choice. Choice, exactly, which if you didn't have that, like you wouldn't have good because you don't have bad. So like he he created choice, but I mean we're born of sin, like from Adam. I mean, ever since you know he sinned, it's just passed down through every single person, and we're we're tempted every single day to do bad things, but I think it is important to recognize like the things that hurt in your life, whether it's wounds from another person or yourself, are from sin. And it could be something that you did that creates the sin, like maybe you did a sinful act, or it could be another person's sin and it it's impacting your life.

SPEAKER_00 39:43

Um but I think it could also be demonic attacks.

SPEAKER_01 39:47

Yeah, which is kind of crazy, but real things. Um, but I think it's it's so cool to look at Paul and how he managed those wounds despite I mean going through some pretty serious things in his life and just had that unwavering joy, and it was really only through Jesus, like he wasn't relying on happiness because he had some pretty bad things happen to him.

SPEAKER_00 40:13

Well, I love how you said happiness is if you're not happy with the result of what happens, then your happiness only depends on the result of what of what's going on in your life, of the happenings. Like that's happiness. Whereas joy is like your faith in Jesus brings you joy to your life so that when there is suffering, you have joy through it no matter what. Like we persevere through that because we have joy in the Lord. And I think that that is huge when it comes to suffering. If you can have unwavering faith and rely on Jesus and trust that Jesus, that you are saved and you are in Jesus' arms, and we are going to face trials as Christians. Like we talked about this yesterday. Like Christi as Christians, as disciples, Jesus was the perfect man and he was crucified on a cross. Like we're imperfect and we're we're going to face trials.

SPEAKER_01 41:15

Well, and I think it's great to also recognize like God uses pain or or or uses those situations, those wounds to help other people or bring other people closer to him. Yes. Like there's I mean, just think about like the uh, you know, infertility journey. Like we've, you know, I'm sure that's connected with a lot of people.

SPEAKER_00 41:38

Honestly, that that has given me a lot of hope. So he he said something, he my our pastor Josh, he referenced Philippians 4.22, which is um a verse that kind of talks about um I never really knew what it was about before this, but um it talks about how like the soldiers, there were soldiers that were around Paul when he was chained, and I think they were kind of like bodyguards, like prison guards almost that like just watched out over him. And it sounds like Paul had a lot of faith or joy within that because not because they were he was the one locked up, but because they were the ones locked up in his eyes, because they had to always hear the gospel coming from Paul. And I think that's huge because it's like, man, you can find joy in any situation. Like he's chained up, locked up, but he's like, you know what? I'm reaching these people that I wouldn't have been able to reach if I wasn't in chains right now. And I think that that, like you said about infertility, like that gives me hope in my infertility journey. Like, yeah, I don't want to be going through infertility. Yes, I would love to have a baby right now. But you know, God allows us to go through these trials and uses these wounds to help us grow and to help us reach people that we might not have been able to reach before. And so it's like if you open up and are vulnerable about things or whatever it is, for me, it's my infertility journey, like sharing what's going on, sharing the ways that I'm having, finding hope throughout this, that gives me a lot of hope so that I know that I can advance his kingdom. And whether I have a kid or not, like I hope I have a kid, obviously. But like if I don't, and I know that I at least reach somebody who maybe had never heard the gospel, maybe they're struggling through infertility and don't know Jesus, but came across my social media page and see how I'm handling it and see that I find a lot of joy through Jesus, like they might be more open to learning more about who this Jesus is, you know? And I think that that helps me to be able to have happiness, not happiness, but joy through the suffering.

SPEAKER_01 43:52

But as a Christian and as a disciple, you have to be so rooted in your faith, and you you genuinely have to. Fight to be that rooted. Like you've you've got to be consistent and read your Bible every single day.

SPEAKER_00 44:07

You can't just say, I love Jesus so much. Like trust himself.

SPEAKER_01 44:11

That's gonna fade away so quickly. Like you've you've got to be consistent, you've got to read, you've got to want want to grow in your relationship with God. Like, and it's so easy to drift. Like you get busy with work, X, Y, and Z. We're on vacation. It's so easy. Yeah. But you just need to commit to even like 15 or 20 minutes a day just to be rooted so that you can grow with him and understand him.

SPEAKER_00 44:37

You're not gonna learn who God is, learn his voice, or learn anything about him unless you read his word. Like scripture, the Bible is God breathed, and that's how you are going to hear his voice. If you haven't heard his voice before, like you need to read the Bible because you learn so much about God, and I feel like it helps you to be able to walk through this life where there's sin and where we're facing all of these like challenging times and stuff because you know, you know how it ends.

SPEAKER_01 45:09

Also, if there's like I mean, in today's world too, it's like everyone just believes everything from social media or videos or whatever it is, and like how do you know if that's true or not? If if you don't read the Bible, yeah. I could be lying to you. Yeah, no, like but but it's so true. Like, go read for yourself and go go understand it. Like, don't take my word for it, go go take God's word for it, literally. Like, it's it's right there. You just have to put it in the word.

SPEAKER_00 45:39

And if you don't understand, ask God. That's why we pray. We ask God to answer, answer our questions, and um we may never even get answers too. And that's the thing. Like, our pastor talked about in the Bible how Job was going through all this like suffering. Satan had to ask God if he could um attack Job, and he said he allowed, and he allowed because he knew that he was gonna have unwavering faith. And Job never got an answer on why he was being attacked and why everything was going wrong in his life, but he got the presence of God in the end of it, and it's like, man, like that's that's the true gift, and we get that. Like, we have so we have such easy access to that now. Like before, back in the Bible, these people couldn't just they had the like they were sacrificing all these animals in order to atone for their sin. They were going through all this stuff. We don't have to do that anymore because Jesus died on the cross for our sins, and so now we get to have direct connection with God through Jesus. It's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 46:45

Well said.

SPEAKER_00 46:46

Oh, thanks.

SPEAKER_01 46:47

Way to put a cherry on the top of that one.

SPEAKER_00 46:50

No, our pastor also said to harvest your hurts so that others can find Jesus. And I love it, harvest your hurts. Like, I've never thought to use that word in something like that. Yeah. But it's so true. Like, what do you get your suffering can have such a great impact on somebody else? And although the suffering sucks, and I'm sorry you have to go through that, and it's it you may not have deserved it, you may not understand why you're why this is going on in your life, but find a way for you to find purpose within that suffering. Like there is something that can truly come out of this that can bring joy to the world, that can bring Jesus to somebody who maybe would have never found Jesus. Like our pastor talked about this guy named Kelly, who he was diagnosed with terminal cancer and was only given a couple of months to live, ended up living five more years. But through this, he asked everybody to pray for him and he started his own like foundation where called Hope Bags, where he um made resources and um gave Bibles to people who were also um facing terminal cancer, and he highlighted Bible verses in each of the Bible that really like helped him through his journey. And you know how many people could have came to Christ through that?

SPEAKER_01 48:08

Well, they had sent out sent out like six thousand Bibles or something, some massive amount.

SPEAKER_00 48:14

It's amazing, and like you you could have easily been told that news and sat and dwelled on it and been like, Man, I'm only given two months to live. Like, m should I go travel the world? Do I hang out with family? Like, what do I do? Do I just sit in my room and cry? Like, I don't know what I would do if I was told.

SPEAKER_02 48:30

Yeah, that would be tough.

SPEAKER_00 48:32

I would have no idea what I would do. But I think like that inspired me to be like, man, you want to use that, use this suffering in order to like give others hope of Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 48:46

Yeah, no, I think that's so true. And the guy lives like another five years, yeah. Which is yeah, I th like God blessed him with more time, and uh that guy used it to the best of his ability.

SPEAKER_00 48:57

Well, it's a lot of times if doctors tell you something, y'all, it might not actually happen.

SPEAKER_01 49:03

Yeah, I think and that goes back to fearing God too. Like God is the ultimate, like say of of what happens in your life. Not a doctor, not a scientist, nothing but him.

SPEAKER_00 49:17

Yeah. We have to fight for our our heart for God to be so big that our problems are so small.

SPEAKER_02 49:23

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 49:24

And if it's like if God keeps becoming on top and God keeps becoming the priority in your life, like all these other things that go wrong, like, yeah, they go wrong. Yeah, your business drowns, yeah, you're you run out of money. Oh shoot, I'm running into this problem. My marriage is failing, blah blah blah blah blah. But God's on top, like all these things start to dwindle and become so minimal because like you know how you know how the story ends. The like read the Bible and you can find out how the story ends. Jesus wins, and if you're on Team Jesus, you win too. I think that's all for today, you guys. That was really good. I was getting passionate about it. I'm a passionate girl.

SPEAKER_01 50:03

I'll pray us out. Dear Lord, I just pray that the person on the other side of the screen here that you're just able to connect with them and help them understand whatever they're going through in life and whether that's good or bad. Um I just pray that you be with them, that you grow closer to them, and that you bless them. And in Jesus' name we pray. Amen.