America's Fatherhood Crisis Is Destroying a Generation | Colby Wiltse Ep. 006

85% of youth in prison grew up without a father.
71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes.
90% of homeless and runaway children grew up without a dad.

This isn't just a cultural issue. It's not just political. It's a crisis.

In this episode of The Defending Freedom Show, Colby Wiltse explores the devastating effects of fatherlessness, why the family is under attack, and why restoring responsible fatherhood may be one of the most important things we can do to save the next generation.

Because when fathers disappear, everyone pays the price.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I want to start today asking you a question. What do the following statistics have in common? 85% of youth in prison grow up without a father. 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. 90% of homeless and runaway children grew up without a dad. And today in America, one in four children are being raised without a dad. This is epic. This is a crisis in America. I want to start today asking you a question. What do the following statistics have in common? 85% of youth imprisoned grow up without a father. 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. 90% of homeless and runaway children grew up without a dad. And today in America, one in four children are being raised without a dad in the home. Now, think about that for a moment. This isn't just a small cultural issue. That's not what we're dealing with here. This isn't just a social trend. This is huge. This is epic. This is a crisis in America. And here's what most people don't realize, here's what most people miss, actually, is that it's it's um it's bigger than that. It's not just an economic issue, it's not a political issue, it's not even a cultural issue. At its core, it's a spiritual issue. That's what's going on right now in our country because the family wasn't created by government. The family was created and designed by God. And when the role of the father is broken, when that breaks down, the consequences ripple through every area of society. You'll you'll see crime increase, uh, poverty will grow, uh, identity confusion rises, entire communities begin to fracture. And so today we're gonna talk about something that our culture is in desperate need to rediscover. And that is rediscovering the role of responsible fatherhood. And we're gonna talk about God's design for the family. We're gonna go into the devastating effects of fatherless, even though you just heard some uh big time stats, and why restoring strong fathers may be one of the most important things we can do right now in this moment to save our country. So I want to thank you for joining me today. Uh this uh issue that we're gonna dive into today, fatherhood, is is a a major issue that's taking place in our country right now. Folks, it is it's not even an issue, it's a crisis. Like it's literally we're at a critical tipping point in our country. And if we don't turn back and raise men in the church to be responsible, godly fathers, then we can just kiss this thing goodbye. We have to have engaged dads. We have to have men who want to stay married, be faithful to one wife, have a lot of kids, and then raise them with godly values. Men who want to protect, who want to provide, who want to lead, who want to shepherd their homes and honor God in that. And this issue has become incredibly important to me personally. Uh, you know, as you know, I work with Citizens Defending Freedom, and one of the campaigns that we recently launched is called the Responsible Fatherhood Campaign. And we launched the campaign at Citizens Defending Freedom because we believe that the fatherhood crisis in America has reached a point where it can no longer be ignored. Um, for far too long, I think what we've done is we've just treated the symptoms, but we haven't treated the root. We haven't gone after the root of the issue. And the truth is when fathers disappear, when dads aren't present, when you incentivize fatherlessness, then society as a whole, our culture, uh, our country, families, everything pays a price for fatherlessness. And uh, but before we talk about the statistics or we get into the cultural trends of this epidemic, we need to start where everything began. We need to go all the way back to the beginning. We need to go back to the Bible, to Genesis. When we look at the opening chapters of the Bible, something remarkable happens. This was long before governments existed, before nations existed, right? This was before laws were instituted, right? It was God created male and female. God does his design for the family was there from the beginning. If you look at Genesis chapter 1, 26 and 27, we read that God created mankind in his image. He made them male and female. They were created with intentionality, and together, both male and female, they reflect the image of God. They reflect his character. In Genesis chapter 1, verse 31, it says, After creating man and woman and bringing them together, God looked at everything he had made and he said something that was incredibly powerful. He didn't just say it was good. He said it was very good. He emphasized good. He said that what he had just done was very good. And why is that? Because the family reflects the character of God in a unique way, right? Scripture shows us that God embodies the quality we often associate with both, I guess you could say, masculinity and femininity. Although he is a father, I don't know that I would say God's feminine in nature, but he has qualities that make him a nurturer, a comforter, right? We know that God is strong. We know that he's powerful, God's a warrior, right? He's mighty, he's the Lord of hosts. And but God is also compassionate, he's also tender, he's also nurturing. In Isaiah, God compares his comfort to that actually of a mother caring for her child. That's in uh Isaiah 66, if you go read that. And when a child grows up in a healthy environment, in a home where mom and dad are present, they experience these aspects of God's character living out every day in a daily way. Uh, you know, I see this even in my own family. Like I have I have three boys, right? Nine, five, and two. And what do they want to do with dad? They want to wrestle me, they want to get rough and tough, right? They they we have all these things that we do, but man, they want to burn energy with dad. They come and they want to fight, they wrestle me. They literally jump on me in the morning in my bed and they're like, it's wrestle time. Like, that's how I wake up every morning. It's amazing. I wouldn't change anything for the world. Um, but they come to dad for that. But when my boys are sick, when they're hurting, when something's wrong, they don't run to dad. They run straight to their mother, right? That's why both roles matter. They reflect something that's important in God's design. And when those work together in unity, it's powerful. Something powerful happens, right? There's identity, there's stability. Um you look back, even our founders of our country recognize this uh early on. We have uh some of them, Benjamin Franklin once said that uh men and women possess qualities in which the other is deficient, but together they create harmony and happiness. He actually compared them to two halves of scissors, right? They were separate, right? On their own, each blade is limited. They can't do very much. But when you put them together, they become a tool. They can cut, they can do things, there's purpose in that. George Washington also spoke about the importance of marriage and family life, saying that the greatest and most genuine happiness is found not in reckless pleasure, but in the quiet life of a stable marriage. Those were our founders. These were great men of God who founded this country, and even they understood that marriage is essential, and it's God's design for a healthy life and a healthy culture. But for most of American history, that has been widely understood. That's what made us a strong nation, right? Not just our Judeo-Christian values, but that we actually lived out our faith in our culture, and one of those was strong marriages, healthy families, right? Because marriage is the foundation of the home. Fathers were expected to lead, they were expected to provide, they were expected to protect. And children generally grew up with both a mom and a dad present in the household. But I want to ask you a question. When did all of that start to change? When did that shift into something different? When did the idea of fathers being essential begin to disappear in our culture? When did lifelong marriage start to feel optional rather than essential? When did something that anchored civilization for thousands of years begin to unravel in just a few generations? Well, um, if we're being honest, I think that it was something profound in our country that shifted in American culture. Over the last several decades, um the way we view marriage, the way we view family, the the the way we view fatherhood has changed dramatically. And it didn't just happen randomly. I think it was intentional. I think it was uh a targeting of the nuclear family. I think it's a satanic agenda. I think that there are forces at work, people at work that know that if you have strong, healthy families, then you can have a strong nation. And those that would be against our American values, those that would want to take down a country like America for their own agenda, well, what better way to do it than start by attacking the family? And so over the past several decades, we've seen that that the the God's design for the family, the nuclear structure of the family, has been under assault. Um beginning in the mid-20th century, uh, there was powerful ideological movements that began to change the structure of our culture and the family. In fact, if you go back and you read the communist goals that were entered into the congressional record in 1963, you'll find something really striking. Uh if you read goal number 40, it says this. It says that the goal of the communist agenda in America is to discredit the family as an institution, encourage promiscuity, and easy divorce. And then goal number 41, right behind that, it says emphasize the need to raise children away from the negative influence of parents and attribute prejudice, mental blocks, and retarding of children to the suppressive influence of parents. Think about that. Think about what they're trying to do. They're trying to undermine the family. Again, what better way to destroy the fabric of a nation than to go after strong families, to normalize sexual chaos, to promote divorce. And you see this all over the country right now. You can't drive down the highway without seeing 15 billboards with lawyers up there saying, hey, call so-and-so if you need an easy divorce. It's all over our culture. And these ideas, I know they sound familiar today, right? Because over time, many of those messages have increasingly taken hold in American culture. This is what's happening in our country. But ideology alone did not reshape the family. At the same time that these ideas were spreading across our culture, across our country, several major things began to happen with uh the cultural revolutions, policy shifts, these were also taking place simultaneously in America. This was all during the 60s and the 70s, right? One of the most significant things that happened was the sexual revolution that took place in the 60s. For centuries, you know, sexual relationships were generally kind of understood to belong in the covenant of marriage. But during this period, during this cultural movement, if you remember Woodstock and all these things that were happening, drugs, it was promoting this idea of sexual freedom that was detached from lifelong commitments. And this then we then we get into the widespread availability of birth control. We start to normalize the idea of cohabitating outside of marriage and increasing the portrayal of casual sexual relationships, right? Whatever makes you feel good, whatever feels good, that's what real freedom is. But that's that's not the essence of freedom in and of itself, right? And we know that media contributed to this. Um, there was a dramatic change in social norms, and this began to shift the culture in a major way. And so another major turning point in the 60s, in 1969, California, the state of California, actually became the first state to adopt what we call no-fault divorce laws. At that time, divorce was generally proof, or divorce generally required proof that there was wrongdoing, right? That there was maybe adultery that took place or abandonment or abuse. These are legitimate things that would cause the need for someone to file for a divorce. But under the no-fault divorce, marriages could be dissolved simply because the partner no longer wished to remain married to the other person. Like lame excuses like, oh, I just I don't love you anymore, or oh, this isn't working. But that's not commitment, right? But we created a law that said, oh, if you just don't feel like being married anymore, you could get it, you could get a divorce. And then this took hold not only in California, but began to spread across the country. They the every state in the country eventually adopted no-fault divorce. And while these laws were intended to reduce conflict and legal battles, they also made divorce far easier. I don't know, it sounds kind of familiar. Weren't we just talking about the communist goal number 40? That talked about making divorce easy. Seems like it was all part of the plan, right? And then uh what happened is because of this, stability in marriage once provided for many children, that began to weaken. That began to break down, right? So now you've got uh homes where you're getting blended families, you're getting uh mom and dad are separating, you're getting single-mother households, all of this begins to take place. And this is part of that cultural change uh that's just part of the story. And then we also have government policies that begin to take place in the 60s, right? During the 60s, there was an incredible expansion of welfare programs and under President uh Lyndon B. Johnson and the Great Society, right? And there were certain policies that unintentionally created incentives for people to not get married. They were it discouraged marriage, especially in low-income, poverty-stricken areas of the country. Uh many of these were actually minority uh areas uh that were affected by this. But under these early welfare structures, uh a household could receive financial assistance if a mother had children who could lose benefits, if a working father lived in the home. So what's the incentive? Well, if dad, if you're working, I'm not going to be able to get these extra benefits that we need to bring in extra money to feed our kids. So what does that do? That incentivizes the dad to say, well, why don't we just separate and I don't have to live here, I can help you out, but really what it does is it replaces the father with the government. Now the government becomes daddy. It's like the government becomes a sugar daddy in the home. And that's what's really been the crux of the issue for so long in our country. And so we created a system that rewards father absence and penalizes father presence. Think about that, right? These policies were known as man-in-the-house rules. And scholars have spent decades, well, not scholars, so-called scholars or experts or people who have studied this, uh, how these incentives have affected family stability. In fact, as early as 1965, a government report warned that the breakdown of the family, particularly the absence of fathers, could lead to long-term social consequences. That report was known as the Monihan Report, and it was written by Daniel Patrick Monihan. It warned of that rising fatherless could lead to increased poverty, crime, and instability for future generations if that trend continued. And that is where we are at today. That trend didn't just continue, it actually accelerated. So I want to give you a quick picture of what this looks like in today. Um in 1960, only about 5% of children in America were born outside of marriage. Marriage was still, to a great degree, the cultural norm in our society. Uh the in 1960, the vast majority of children grew up both in a home with both mom and dad present. But by 1980, that number climbed to 18%. By 1990, it had risen to 28%. And by 2008, it crossed the 40% mark nationally. And that is children being born outside of marriage. And today, roughly one in four children are growing up in a home without a father present. Think about that. That is hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of kids who are growing up in a home without dad. America is leading the world in fatherlessness right now. Yet we're the most prosperous, we're the most free, we're the most incredible country that's ever existed, and yet we are leading the nation in fatherlessness. This is not good, ladies and gentlemen. This is a crisis. In the span of just two generations, the structure that had anchored families and communities for centuries just changed dramatically. One what was understood to be essential, normal, good, and healthy is now often treated as just optional or a burden. This is where we're at in America, right? And it has touched every area of society. It's touched crime rates, education outcomes, poverty levels, mental health, identity, and stability of entire communities in America. What's fascinating is the Bible actually warned about this long before any of these so-called experts started studying or looking into this, right? If you look back in the Old Testament in Malachi, uh this is God warned that this would happen, right? In Malachi 4 6, he says, He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the land with a curse. Think about that just for a moment. God is tying the spiritual health of Of a nation to the spiritual health of the family. That's what he's tying that to, that when fathers turn their hearts towards children, then restoration for a nation can begin, not just in the home, not just in that relationship, but in that community, in that state, in that country, in that nation. And that's why we're trying to work really hard at Citizens Defending Freedom to take on this crisis in America because we know that if we can turn the hearts of fathers back towards their children and create responsible fatherhood and bring recognition to it, but also give people the ability to have the tools and the resources to develop those relationships in a healthy way and restore those relationships that have been broken, then a lot of the issues that we're facing right now in the country can be turned back and restored. But it's a huge lift. It's a huge, it's a monumental task, but it's not impossible. With man, it's impossible. But with God, all things are possible, right? But let's look at the fatherhood crisis because when you when you look at the scope of the crisis in our country, it is staggering, right? So right now in the United States, I mentioned this earlier, one in four children are growing up without a father in the home. That represents millions of kids. And the consequences of that trickle down into every area, right? So if you look at the research, it consistently shows that children raised without fathers face dramatically higher rates across the country in every major social category, right? They're more likely to experience poverty. They're more likely to battle depression and anxiety. I've got the stats right here. They're more likely to get involved in crime, they're more likely to experience teen pregnancy. They're more likely to drop out of school, and they're more likely to end up incarcerated. As a matter of fact, 85% of youth in prison come from fatherless homes. We're not talking 20%, we're not talking 40%. You heard me right. We're talking 85% of youth that are incarcerated as a result of not having a dad in the home. 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. 90% of runaway and homeless youth come from fatherless homes as well. So fatherhood matters. It's critical, it's important, it's biblical. And when it disappears, well, you see the ramifications of that. There's also a massive economic cost. Fatherlessness, get this. Fatherlessness cost American taxpayers a hundred billion dollars every year through welfare programs, uh, incarceration, healthcare costs, and social services. I did not say million. I said a hundred billion dollars is what it's costing taxpaying Americans because of fatherlessness. But that doesn't fully capture the real price. That's the human cost to this. What does it mean for that child to go and grow up without a dad? Like statistics don't measure up to what it does to children, what it does to young boys and young girls who grow up without a dad. You can't put a price on that, right? And when those statistics begin, like they can't measure up, so the identity question begins to surface. Questions like, who am I? Am I worth staying for? Why wasn't I enough? And then when you start asking those questions, it causes mental health, it the identity confusion, right? That's where we get into the LGBTQ, that's where we get into the transgender. Because children that grow up without a dad, a young man that grows up without a dad, he doesn't know his identity. First of all, he doesn't know who his heavenly father is because he doesn't even have a relationship with his earthly dad. And then the identity thing kicks in. Well, maybe I'm maybe I'm not who I am. I don't know who I'm supposed to be. And then you start to think thoughts like, well, maybe I don't know. I have girl-like tendencies, maybe I am a girl. And then we have a whole society, a whole agenda in our culture today that wants to affirm that, that wants to embrace that, that wants to celebrate that, and just kind of move kids into that as that's the cultural norm. Oh, yeah, little Tommy, you actually were born in the wrong body, so we're gonna call you Tammy. Why is that? I believe it's because Tommy didn't have a daddy at home to raise him to be a man, and not just a man, but a man of God. And that's what's going on in our society. You know, I uh being a dad myself is one of the greatest joys of my life. It brings me more fulfillment than probably anything I could ever do outside of my my marriage, my relationship with Jesus Christ. Being a dad is the most purpose-driven, fulfilling thing a man could do. And I remember I used to work in oil and gas and I had this long drive home. I sometimes I'd get called out in the middle of the night, and I'd have to go out on the rigs and uh the different coil tubing units and fix things, and you know. But when I would drive home early in the morning, I'd be tired, or if I had to drive home late at night. And sometimes what would help keep me up is I would I would call people uh in my circles. A lot of times I'd call my dad. You know, I had a great dad growing up, but I'd call my dad, and I remember this my wife was pregnant with our first son, and I think he was I think it was like two or three days away from him being born. And on the drive home, when I got home, I pulled into my driveway. I'd been talking to my dad for a couple hours, and I said, Well, dad, thanks for for staying on the phone with me. Um, I made it home. I really appreciate you helping me stay awake. And he said, Not a problem, son, I'm here for you anytime. And I always make it a point when I hang up the phone with my dad to tell him that I love him. Because you never know, right? You never know if that's the last time you're gonna get to tell your dad or your mom or someone you love that you love them. And so I just said, Appreciate you, dad. I love you. And I'll never forget what my dad said. Before my dad hung up the phone, it's one of the most profound things he's ever said to me. He said, Son, I love you too. And in just a few days, you're gonna know what it means when I say it. And I thought, wow. And he was right. The moment I got to hold my firstborn son and my second son and my third son, it just increased. You don't even realize that you have that much capacity in your heart and in your being to love. But that's what being a father does. And I think that it's so beautiful because that's our connection to God, our heavenly father. He designed us to have the capacity to love in that way, and it's um it's incredible to get to experience that. Why would you want to abandon that? Why would you want to toss that away? Why would you want to let the government or let someone else raise your child? It's not worth it. We need responsible dads to come back into the home and step up and be the men that God's called them to be so that we can raise the next generation of men to be all who they can be in Christ. And I'll tell you, there is an incredible benefit in a child's life when a father is involved, right? That's the encouraging side of this conversation. We've been talking about all these problems, we've been dipping into some of the it being targeted, it, you know, the globalism, all this other stuff, right? We've brought all these different things into it, but I want to talk about the positive side for a second. When dads are active in their child's lives, the outcomes change dramatically. When fathers are engaged, their child does way better academically. Like all of the stats that we laid out earlier, they actually reverse, right? Children become more confident when dad's involved. They become more emotionally stable when dad's involved. They're less likely to engage in criminal behavior, they're less likely to experience depression. They're more likely to build healthy families themselves. Because a father provides something every child needs. They provide protection, disciplines, excuse me, protection, discipline, guidance. They provide identity. Right? Children learn who they are by watching their parents. And Scripture reinforces this. In Proverbs 22, 6, it says, train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Ephesians chapter 6, 4 instructs fathers to bring up their children in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord. And Deuteronomy 6 paints a picture of what discipleship actually looks like. It's parents are instructed to teach God's truth to their children when they're sitting at home, when they're walking along the road, when they're lying down, when they rise up. In other words, it's 24-7. Faith doesn't just happen once a week at church. We don't just take our kids to church and then try to be a good Christian when we're in the pew on Sunday morning. No, we live it out in front of our children to the best of our ability to become more like Christ. This is meant to take place every day in your home. And fathers, talking to you men, you play the most critical role of all in this relationship dynamic. So again, ultimately our understanding of fatherhood begins with God Himself, right? Jesus taught his disciples when he was teaching them how to pray. He didn't just start the Lord's Prayer. He didn't say our King. He didn't say our judge. He said our Father who is in heaven. At the time, that language was revolutionary. God was revealing his heart as a father, a good father, a loving father, a present father. When Jesus was baptized, a voice came down from heaven, and what did it say? It said, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased. Those words carry enormous meaning because they provide affirmation. They provided approval. They provided identity. Right? Every child longs to hear that from their father. It's reinforcing this idea that you matter. I love you. I'm proud of you. I'm with you. This is what we need. And I think this is why the enemy, Satan, so fiercely attacks the role of fatherhood. So fiercely attacks the family because when fathers live out their calling, they reflect the image of God within the family. And I will tell you right now, Satan hates that. He doesn't want men to have a real, genuine relationship with their heavenly father and then live out their lives boldly as a good father in their own homes. If he can destroy that, then he can take down an entire nation. So, but here's the hopeful part of this whole conversation. This is what we want to get to, right? We know that the fatherhood crisis is real, we know that it's serious, but it also presents an incredible opportunity, right? Really an incredible opportunity for the church, uh, and and because the church is uniquely positioned to respond to this crisis. How can a church respond? Well, you can support single mothers, uh, you can uh teach biblical marriage in your church, you can disciple men to be godly fathers, and you can create communities where families actually thrive. You know, we have churches now, it's crazy, we have churches now that embrace the transgender movement, the LGBTQ movement. Like they are so far removed from Scripture and God's word, it's blasphemy. It's absolutely destroying our culture. It's absolutely mocking God's word. If you just go read your Bible, it's very clear where God stands on the idea of homosexuality. It's an abomination to the Lord. And, you know, I don't mind saying it. I get it. I'm probably going to take flack for that. I don't mind. But we have got to stand on the word of God. Because the word of God is unchanging, it's true, and when you allow that into the house of God, you're not dealing with sin. You're embracing sin. You're not dealing with it, you're not calling it out. In love, by the way, it doesn't mean that we're called as Christians to hate the person or reject the person. No. The Bible says that we hate the sin and love the sinner. I'm a living example of that. If I was to give my testimony on this podcast, it would probably blow you guys away. But while I was a sinner, Christ died for me. And he died for you, and he died for those who are caught up in the homosexual lifestyle. And God's heart is to bring them out of that lifestyle, and we're to be his hands and feet. So we're not to reject those people. We're supposed to reach them with the gospel message of Jesus Christ, with the love of God, and see them fully redeemed and restored into their purpose that God called them to be. But we have churches nowadays that are fully embracing that and just allowing that in the church. And they're not putting emphasis on the importance of God's design for the family. And so when the church steps into that role and you start to go and address these issues and tackle them honestly in the Word of God, then lives change, right? Families can be restored and communities can be transformed. And so that's exactly why at Citizens Defending Freedom, we launched a responsible fatherhood campaign. And the goal of the campaign, again, is real simple it's to raise awareness, it's to equip men, it's to strengthen families, and it's to restore biblical fatherhood. So we want to help communities across the country recognize the importance of fatherhood, and we want to encourage men to step into their God-given calling. And that's why we started this campaign, and we've already seen momentum, right? We want to see every city, every county, every state in the country raise the banner of fatherhood. And last year we had several cities that adopted uh June as responsible fatherhood month in their city by the mayor and the city council staff. And this year we're on course to see well over 40 cities just in Texas alone that are going to adopt it. Uh I was talking to one of our people yesterday, and they're going to adopt it at the state level in Florida as well, adopt some of the language from our proclamations. Folks, this is huge, right? Because churches, community leaders, and families, we want to give you a toolkit where you can actually take meaningful action and have an impact. So you can go to our website at citizens defending freedom.com backslash fatherhood. You can download the toolkit and you can get familiar with it, and you can literally take the tools and the action to go do this in your own city, in your own county, and even in your own state. We've laid it out for you, and I would encourage you to do that. To go raise the banner of fatherhood in the month of June. Let's see this thing go across the country. So I want to I want to close with this. Fatherhood in and of itself, it's not just a biological role, it's actually a sacred calling. And every father, men, you have the opportunity to shape the life of the next generation. Your presence matters, your words matter, your leadership matters, and it doesn't require perfection. It just requires being intentional and showing up. And those are the things that will matter to your children. Because when fathers step into their calling, then we can start to see families being restored. And when families are restored, when we have healthy families, guess what? Then you have a healthy church. And when you have a healthy church, then you have a healthy community. And when you have healthy communities, you have healthy cities, healthy counties, healthy states, and eventually a healthy and strong nation. But it begins with one father at a time. Restoration is possible. We can do this. I want to thank you for joining me today on the Defending Freedom Show. And if you want to learn more again about the Responsible Fatherhood campaign, be sure to check out our links below. We'll have them in the description. But let's go out there, men, specifically you. Let's go out there and let's restore our relationship with our Heavenly Father. And then let's become the men that God called us to be and step up and be godly husbands and godly dads in our homes. Thank you. God bless you, and may America bless God.