Bad Things Are Going To Happen

When things go wrong and your brain goes into panic mode — what do you actually do? In this episode of See Through, hosts Dev and Roger break down the real skill of reframing your thinking in the moment, without the toxic positivity. From shark moments to the performance trap, they get honest about why most people freeze, why confidence is the missing ingredient, and how to practice reframing before you actually need it. If you have ever felt paralyzed when life did not go to plan, this one is for you. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Hey, how's it going, everyone? Welcome back to another episode of See Through. Hope you're having a great week. I'm Dev.

SPEAKER_01 0:15

And I'm Roger. I hope you're all staying blessed and healthy.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

Thank you for uh joining us for another episode this week. Um, before we started recording, Roger and I were just kind of catching up. And uh I don't know if any of you have had premier protein before, but uh I've gone through like we live in Canada, so we don't get all the cool flavors. Like in the States, they always have those extra flavors of like Oreos and Premier Protein and all the cool stuff. Anyways, I'm I want to I just put him on. He just had right literally before we started recording the caramel flavor of premier protein. Roger, what is your immediate take after drinking it for the first time 10 seconds ago?

SPEAKER_01 0:51

Um, it's delicious. It's uh 30 grams of protein, one gram of sugar. Um, so it's very low in sugar, and I'm just trying to find out how many carbs it has. Do do do give me a sec, give me a sec, give me a sec. Protein, yeah, 30 grams of protein, two grams of carbs.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

Is that good? I don't know these like macro numbers, but those have to be good, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:10

That's fantastic. If if you're not like right now, because I'm I'm not gonna work out till later. So the protein's good for me, but dumping a whole bunch of carbs in your body, if your body's not metabolizing them and burning them off, they can sit as fat, right? Yeah, but this is a delicious drink. I would highly recommend it. I'm quite shocked at how good it tastes with only one gram of sugar.

SPEAKER_00 1:31

I should also say we're not sponsored by Premier Protein. No, not at all. But we're open to it. I would be open to our Premier Protein sponsorship for sure. Anyways, uh great to have you back. Super grateful uh for all of the, you know, just continued folks that are listening, tuning in. Um, I've gotten a lot of great notes from some people, even that I haven't really caught up with in a while. So um shout outs to all the people that are sending me some kind messages. And, you know, it's also been nice to catch up with some of you. Um, and so yeah, keep those coming. We really appreciate it. Uh, before we jump into, you know, this week's episode, uh, which we're actually going to talk about something that I've been having a lot of conversations around with, you know, just my friends and my family when it comes to reframing and how do you kind of adjust your mindset when something is not going your way? So we'll kind of tease that. Uh Roger recently, I wanted to spotlight something just because I think it was also helpful if you get to know us. Roger recently took, if you didn't know, really into cars. We've brought it up on a couple of episodes. Yeah. Recently went to a car show of many, goes to car shows quite often. Yep. Uh, and came home with some hardware. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:40

It's uh it's it's the name of the show was Oblivion 80s and 90s car and culture show. So there were 250 curated cars there that were let into the show. You had to actually submit. I remember you made a comment of me submitting pictures and they had to approve it. So yeah, so there's a bit of a process. They want era correct vehicles and there, and there was everything, you know, from um Honda Civics to Koontashes and Diablos, Lamborghinis, and Fraris and everything in between. So, anyways, yeah, it was a fantastic day. Took the kids, they got to see what Knight Rider is because Kit was there with a statue of David Hasseloff. Um, so they got to see who Knight Rider, the car Knight Rider was. Anyways, my car plays second in the domestic category best of show. Um, and the car that got first was a Dodge Viper, which and I met the owner, super nice guy, beautiful car. Um, but it felt really nice. Yeah, it was a it was uh my first official show, and the car showed really well.

SPEAKER_00 3:35

So yeah, that's awesome. I know you put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into that thing, uh, and it's been a labor of love. And you've owned that car for a while, right?

SPEAKER_01 3:43

I bought it when I was 18.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

18. Yeah, and you've had it since. You're the original owner. I'm the original owner, like out of the like out of the dealership or factory or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

When I bought it, my dad was with me, it had five kilometers on it.

SPEAKER_00 3:57

Oh my god, wow, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

Yeah, so I've owned it all these years and crazy, fully restored it. It's now I'm getting to enjoy it. I was having this conversation with my kids. I was cruising around it with my cousins and my friends when I was 18, 19 years old. My son is gonna be that age very soon, right? He's only a few years off of it, but it's really um sort of a full circle moment when I'm cruising in the car and I look over to my right, and my son is sitting in the passenger seat, and my daughter is sitting in the backseat of the car I was driving fresh out of high school.

SPEAKER_00 4:27

Yeah, that that's car, that car's probably got a lot of memories. Yeah, really good memories. No, that's really awesome. If you're curious uh on what this car looks like, you can check us out on social media. Yeah. Um, and if you wanted to kind of see, there's uh it's a pretty cool looking car. Even if you're not into cars, I think you'd really like it. So check it out. But without further ado, um, I wanted to kind of introduce today's episode topic at a bit of a higher level, and and we can kind of chat through it and kind of discuss it a little bit more and maybe see through it a little bit differently. And we would love, of course, as always, your perspective and and your takes. And hopefully this will lead to some, you know, curious and constructive dialogue at your tables, um, wherever they may be. And so effectively, I think what I've noticed in a lot of people, I would say, you know, more young, but I also have seen it in some of the older, you know, folks that I connect with, which is a lot of them struggle to be able to in the moment reframe when something hasn't gone their way. And that can be from something really small, like, you know, somebody messing up their coffee order or them spilling their coffee in the morning, to something really big, like, you know, maybe losing out on a job opportunity or getting turned down for a role that they really wanted, or, you know, maybe um having some type of um, you know uh can inconvenience happen to them that's a bit of a larger scale, like their car breaking down or having a flat tire, you know, something that's a bit more of substance. And listen, the thing that I've kind of learned is I don't really prescribe to this everything's gonna be okay, like don't worry, like everything's gonna be fine, like just be positive because like I don't think that's very practically applicable.

SPEAKER_01 6:12

That's toxic positivity.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Yeah, it's like of course, like I want everything to be okay, but it's not like I think everything is only going to be okay, or things are only gonna get better if you make them better. But in order to do that, you have to be able to reframe so that you actually can jump into it. And so that's what we're gonna talk about today.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

Yeah, and things like listen, newsflash, things aren't always going to be okay. Yeah, most of the time they won't be okay. That's right. And it's knowing how you react in those moments that's going to set you up or set you to success on how you navigate or reframe your thinking when things do happen to you.

SPEAKER_00 6:47

Yeah, 100%. So we'll take a quick break and we'll jump right into it.

SPEAKER_01 7:05

What is the difference between reframing and then just lying to yourself? And I think that for me is really the concept of this dialogue that we're about to have. It's when something does happen to you, something out of left field most often, right? Yeah, um, what do you do? I'll give an example. Uh, my truck, I got into my truck, I had it sitting for about, I don't know, a week because of the car shows. I've been taking the Mustang out. Yeah. So I didn't drive my truck for about almost a week. It's I think it was seven days exactly. And then so I jumped in it to start it, cranked over just fine. And then as I pulled out of my driveway, my entire dash, all the electronics started flashing. And I was driving, I was like, what? I've never experienced this before. I thought, okay, maybe the alternator's going, batteries dying because it sat for so long. Yeah. And I was cruising and I'm like, I'm trying to find a parking lot because I knew the truck is gonna die. Everything shut off. Power steering, power brakes, power everything.

SPEAKER_00 8:01

It's basically catastrophic failure.

SPEAKER_01 8:02

Yeah, yeah, catastrophic. So I like strong arming this truck into a parking lot. I get there, try to start it, doesn't start, starts, then the lights go off again. So, anyways, I fought with this thing, I limped it back home, and I had that moment of panic. Like, it's my daily driver. What do I do now? Yeah, I've got things I need to do in this moment. Oh my god, this is gonna throw my life into a turmoil.

SPEAKER_00 8:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:27

And for a fraction of a second, I had that, and then I just kind of calmed down. I'm like, okay, time out, time out. What can you do about this right now? Yeah. I called my guy. Yeah. I'm like, hey, my truck's doing this. He's like, okay, I don't have anything available today. Can you get can you have it here tomorrow morning? I'll get your truck in right away. And then what do I do? I call CAA. Everyone, if you don't have CAA, pay for the membership. It's a dream. Because when they come over and pick up your car, you feel so calm and relaxed that your car is taken care of. Anyways, I don't have a sponsorship of CAA, but you know what? I'm not opposed to that either. But CAA came in, picked up the truck, took it to my guy. And true story, it wasn't my alternator, it wasn't anything. It looks like a squirrel or some sort of rodent got in, chewed one wire. Oh my gosh. That clips on the back of my alternator. I have that piece, and that caused all sorts of havoc on my truck. Anyways, problem solved cost me a few hundred bucks of labor and troubleshooting and stuff like that. But my point being, I had that moment of what do I do? Then I did. Yeah. And I think that reframing in that moment for me was crucial because it calmed me down. There was a solution in motion. And thankfully, I had a car I could fall back on to drive for my day-to-day.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

Yeah, listen, I think it that's a very relatable example. And I'm sure you can plug and play any situation you found yourself in where you were doing everything, you didn't cause a problem to find yourself, and then effectively now you're in a bit of a unique situation. A train gets delayed, you, you know, something that you were expecting to work when you turned it on, like your computer or your phone doesn't work the way that's advertised. And so the thing that I would say is that the hard part is if you don't have a reframing process, if you don't have a way of taking what's happening to what can I do next, effectively what I've seen for a lot of people is A, they shut down. They can really let that situation do some real damage to their, you know, mental health, their, you know, personal health. B, it can sometimes feel like you're almost like paralyzed. You don't even know what to think, what to do, what to say, how to act. And that can obviously lead to the thing that I think is kind of the underlying piece of all of this and and why reframing is a really important skill that you need to have. And if you don't have it, I would say it's like mission critical that you take it seriously. And hopefully, coming from this conversation, you ask yourself and you do a bit of a self-audit on if you can reframe successfully for the majority of situations that are going to happen in your life, which is it breeds fear, right? A lot of people, and you know, you kind of alluded to it is like, oh my God, like how is this now event that I had no control over going to affect other parts of my life, other parts of my day, other parts of my experience, which is very valid. And that's why if you're not able to quickly move past it, and by quick, I don't mean solving the problem, right, but quickly in the sense of progressing so that you feel like you're now going towards a solution, you're effectively just in the cyclical negative mindset, which honestly is really sad because I've seen a lot of my friends and people that I care about stuck in this type of kind of you know spin cycle.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

Yeah, no, I relate to that. You know, full transparency, I'm in a transition sort of moment in my life in this moment as well. And so yesterday, I'll use yesterday as an example. I got up and I felt, I wouldn't say anxious, but I felt antsy. Yeah. I couldn't sit still and I definitely didn't want to just stay in my house or around the house. I need to get away. So I quickly packed up my computer. I've been working elbows deep with these projects with AI and stuff. I'm learning some new skill sets and I'm really I figured some stuff out that I'll be able to share with all of you, hopefully in the near future. But anyway, so what I did was I packed up a bag, took my computer, my headphones, I headed to Port Credit, found a coffee shop, got a breakfast sandwich and a cappuccino, sat down, put on my headphones, and I worked for an hour and a half on my project. And I felt productive and I felt good because I wasn't no longer in my personal space. I was in an environment that I had nothing to do with, right? It just gave me a good way to reframe my thinking. Yeah. Then I packed up because one of my friends from back home in BC sent me a message saying, Hey, are you available for a call? And I said, Yeah, let me, I'm just packing up. Let me get, let me get to you. So then I packed up my stuff and I walked down to the lake. And I sat in front of the water on a bench in the sunshine, and I reframed my thinking and sort of my mindset and and sort of my overall demeanor so I could have this conversation with my friend. And the reason I'm going to bring up this conversation, he shared with me after I was sharing with him what I'm doing in my life and sort of, and a lot of the decisions I'm making are self-inflicted decisions. They're conscious decisions I'm making because I'm done with the rat race. Right. Right. And I want to do something different. And I'm just want to apply the skills I've learned in a new sort of environment. So anyway, so we're having this conversation, and he said to me, He goes, Hey, can I call you every week and just have a conversation with you, just like we're having today? Um, because I'm finding value in our dialogue, our two-way dialogue. You're you're sharing with me what you're doing, it resonates with me, and I get to share with you without judgment. And then he shared a story with me of him at one point, and he calls that he calls them shark moments, right? You come into your life in these moments, and if you're not aware of reframing and if you're not aware of your surroundings, you might get swallowed up by them. And here's his his example of it. So he was vacationing somewhere and he was in the ocean swimming. And he had his back to the waves as they were coming in. And uh unbeknownst to him, this big wave was coming in. And so he was standing there, kind of, you know, engaging with his family and his friends when he was sitting in the ocean. This wave was so powerful, it knocked him, like knocked him into the water and pushed him onto the shore. And there just happened to be a bunch of lifeguards, you know, really close by in the vicinity. And an older lifeguard said to him, He goes, Hey, you know what? Those are called shark moments. And it was in Hawaii where this happened. And, you know, my friend, his name's Anthony. He asked, he was like, Well, what do you mean by that? And the lifeguard said, When something like that happens, that's the ocean telling you to get out of the water. Because nine out of ten times, there's actually sharks in the water right now, and that's the way the ocean kicks you out so you don't get eaten by the sharks. Yeah, and whether that's true or not, I don't know, but I really like that analogy because he called it it's a shark moment. So you're gonna have these moments in your life when things happen unbeknownst to you. Yeah, they are shark moments, and what are you going to do? How are you gonna react to it? I'll give you another one. And this happens to all of us. You're running out of the house because you're late for something somewhere to be somewhere, maybe it's to work, and you spill your coffee.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 15:08

Now you got to stop, you got to clean up, and then you hit the road. You're maybe 30 seconds, three minutes, two minutes late, whatever. But had you been on time, maybe you would have gone into a car accident. You don't know the ripple effect. And so he and I had this deeper conversation around well, what does that actually mean in your life versus reacting to it, step back, think about it, and then hopefully when you reframe your thinking, you understand that it is what it is. I just now need to modify my next step based on what just happened.

SPEAKER_00 15:37

Yeah, and listen, I love that analogy. And and for me, I think it's hard. I can appreciate sometimes when you're in the water to use that analogy and being pushed out to feel like that's being done for your best interest. Yeah, it can be hard in the moment to being like, hey, you know what? I really want to stay in the ocean. I paid a lot of money to come to Hawaii so that I could be in the ocean. And now basically I'm being forced out of the thing that I paid money to do. It could feel like a bit of a financial ripoff, or you're not getting your full you know, experience, and you could start to have and harbor all these negative sentiment. But I completely agree with that mindset of if you even do a self-audit of your life, most of the things that positively impacted you or negatively impacted you, in most cases, you had no idea were coming. Yeah. You couldn't really have predicted, but you were at the right place at the right time, and you know, things worked themselves out. But the other thing that you mentioned, which I want to go back to what you said about the coffee example, is I think a lot of people really underestimate how much their physical proximity to things or their physical experience or the people that they surround themselves with have on their ability to reframe. For sure. And so what I mean by that is if you surround yourself with people that are always doom and gloom and are always telling you about like what could go wrong when you're in a negative situation, or the moment, like, for example, we use your truck example, and let's say you messaged me and I was like, instead of saying, Yeah, like why don't we kind of call CAA, if I said, Oh, I hope it's not a $30,000 engine repair, and oh, I hope it's it's that's not somebody that's really helping you reframe. And the same can be said in your physical location. If let's say, you know, you don't have a healthy relationship with maybe where you live or where you grow up. Well, being in that type of environment maybe doesn't inspire you that even actions that you're gonna take are going to allow you to get out of that situation. Yeah. And so I think a lot of people don't realize that kind of forcing yourself to kind of, and it's a kind of a funny quote, but really faking it till you make it. But what I take away from that is like put yourself in the physical and in the lifestyle situations that will allow you to actually get out of those mental ruts when you're maybe navigating a really complex, you know, not a life or death situation, but something that's not going your way that you couldn't have really predicted. Because yeah, I think that's something that, you know, really stood out to me. And I would tell you, a lot of people that are stuck are not just stuck mentally, but it's also because of where they are physically, which I don't think people really recognize.

SPEAKER_01 18:03

You know, somebody I was having a conversation with somebody this week, and they had said to me, just because of our conversation, the way it's going, they itemized something for me. And I don't know if it's good or bad. Those of you that know me, you can make your own assessment and share with me privately and if you agree with it one way or the other. And they just said, Listen, as you're speaking, as you're thinking through, as we're having this dialogue, I can I can feel your logic in this moment. And I said, Well, what do you mean by that? They're like your routine structure in the way you think and dissect and process things, in the way you're approaching me. And they said, like, listen, I'm not saying you're not emotionally connected to the conversation or, you know, aware of what your words might say or mean to somebody else. It's that you have this routine and structure in the way you dissect things for yourself. And it's really interesting. And they said, I'm learning from that because I don't know that I approach everything with that sort of uh rigor, if you will. And I said, I said something I didn't even know it was going to be profound in the moment, but I said, Well, how do you get out of your head when your head is the problem? Right. Right. And for me, that's the routines, that's the logic, that's the structure of dissecting something if it's a problem, yeah, if it's a conversation or if it's an issue that I'm having, is rather than having this emotional attachment to it, it's weird that I do this. I sort of have this almost out of body experience with myself where I said, okay, let's dissect this logically before you have a panic attack or whatever. Yeah. And then what I do is I feel like I in my mind, I throw everything out on a whiteboard and then I just itemize everything in controllable, uncontrollable. What do I have a reaction to? What don't I have a reaction to? And then I start to get to a place of starting, right? And starting doesn't mean I have the answer. It just means I'm no longer standing still. Yep. Which then allows me not to be sort of in it. It allows me to get to a place of solution, positivity, if I will. Yeah. And it may not even be positivity, Dev, in that moment. It may be just acceptance. Yeah. It is what it is. Yep. It's going to go sideways. It's going to cost me X amount of money or not, right? Or whatever the situation is. And then just accepting it is what it is. And then I have to sort of role-play and educate myself in okay, now that you know that you've accepted this is going to happen, how will you react to that now in this moment, right? And for me, that's this getting out of my own head when my head is the problem has been the number one thing for me in my years of life.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

Yeah, listen, I would say that actually really kind of bodes well to, I think, another important concept that I think really impacts people's ability to reframe, which kind of deals directly with them, kind of like with what you were saying about, you know, how do you get out of your mind when your mind is the problem, or how do you get away from that problem? Which is I think when something happens that people don't expect and they don't know how to react to it, especially when it's not, you know, a major, you know, major life event, but they're just kind of these daily nuances or, you know, day-to-day occurrences or workplace occurrences or relationship occurrences, is they don't trust their ability to actually handle that situation. They don't feel confident in themselves to actually get through that moment. And instead, that is actually what really is the root cause of the panic and not being able to move forward. Because, you know, I've had so many friends who let's say they miss a bus. They're like besides themselves, but I'm like, you're more than capable of figuring this out. Why are you so nervous? Yeah. Well, like I've never, I've never had to, you know, rebook a bus, I've never had to look at the schedule. I don't know where this. Yes, I understand, but why don't you trust that you can figure this out? Like, why aren't you confident that you can figure this out? And I think it's like because people lack so much self confidence, that really gets in their head and I find really messes them up when it comes to just daily life experiences.

SPEAKER_01 21:53

Yeah, see, that jogs something for me. And it's it's around nurture versus. Nature okay, and the learned behavior of worrying. Yeah. And here's why I say that from my culture, my background, yeah, Southeast Asian families. Um, my mom worried about everything. Yeah, what if this happened? And my dad wasn't as much of a worrier as she was, but she was always like a oh, don't go out late because something bad could happen. And I'm like, okay, but what? And she couldn't answer the question, right? Or don't do this because this might happen. And I'm like, Well, did that happen to you? Well, no. Okay, well, then why are you why are you giving me all these false narratives now? Yeah. Because it's it's planting a seed in my head that I need to worry about things that aren't necessarily even factual, right? And I think to your point, lack of confidence can come from our frame of thinking in that because we've been taught to question our motives, question our intent, and question our behavior from an innocent place, I think then we start to question our own confidence in that moment as well. Right. And I have another note in here, and it was around when does reframing actually become avoidance? Right. And for me, that's where that worry kind of the worry mindset falls into with the avoidance component. Okay, you know what? If the worst case is gonna happen, I'm just not gonna do it. Yeah, well, now you're not walking through what you should be walking through to figure it out. Yeah, you're just completely avoiding something that's actually gonna be the learn that you're supposed to have in that moment. Yeah. And I always say to myself, right, what's the absolute worst that's gonna happen in this moment in my life when something of turmoil is approaching me? Well, it may suck, I might feel a certain way, yeah, but I might actually get a learn out of it and develop a skill that if it happens to me or a loved one tomorrow, that I could give them a perspective on it because I've already done it.

SPEAKER_00 23:48

Yeah. And it's interesting because I think a lot of people, when not in that situation, would 100% agree with your thought. Yeah. They'd be like, Yeah, I want to learn, I want to, you know, become better. They'll tell you this, like in a very calm, controlled state. They're like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But when, you know, the rubber hits the road and when you're in that moment, what I see in the lived reality is people have way too much fear in screwing up and they're not willing to mess something up because they understand that it has a direct impact on their experience. And what I would tell you to that is if you're only learning how to reframe when you're in moments of crisis, you're never gonna learn how to reframe. No. You actually have to learn how to reframe in moments where things are going fantastically. Yeah. When you think everything is amazing and you're like, you know, you're feeling content and you're feeling happy. How do you like practice some of these reframing? And the only way that you can kind of upskill in this area when it comes to feeling confident in yourself is ask yourself, and this is something I've done is what situation would I find myself in if it came unexpectedly that would give me the most panic, that would give me the most, oh my God, I don't even know what to do. I don't even know where to go to. And that's not to say that it's a bad thing to ask for help. I think that's one of the most important things to be able to do. Yeah, but there's a difference in, oh my God, I need help. I'm screwed if somebody's not able to help me, and that feeling of hopelessness or that feeling of despair to, man, this would be a lot easier if I had a friend, a family member, a buddy that could come and maybe give me an assist. But I know what we need to do and I know what needs to happen. It just gives you this extra level of confidence. The other take that I have on this is a lot of people associate their self-worth and their identity on their ability to successfully resolve a situation or in the counter, not successfully resolve a situation. And so I've seen a lot of people who know what to do, can articulate to me what they need to do, can even tell me why that decision makes sense because they've evaluated it. And then when I'm like, well, why didn't you do it? Well, oh, well, you know, what if I do it and then it, you know, it it doesn't work and now I look stupid or I look like I actually don't know what I'm doing. And in my brain, I'm going, oh, who the hell okay? Like nobody cares. It's like I don't really understand why this is even a topic. But that that feeling of, oh, I don't want people to see me as a failure or somebody who's stupid or somebody who couldn't figure this out. So I'd much rather get 10 people's opinions on something when I already know in my heart or in my mind what I should do. And that honestly applies so much to like relationship dynamics. Like I've seen so many people who want to leave their partners and need like everyone's opinion because again, they don't want to quote unquote be stuck with they made the wrong decision versus oh, everybody told me. And so that's I think hard to reframe as well. If you're in a situation and you always feel like you need a thousand and one people's opinions because you don't trust yourself to handle that situation, well, that's a problem. You've got to fix that.

SPEAKER_01 26:55

Well, those that opens up a whole different can of worms that we can get into, and that's a the fear of failure is one of them. Yes, but there's another component of ownership and accountability, yes, right? And I think, you know, we talked about avoidance. Well, if you don't make the decision yourself, well, now you're avoiding the ownership and the accountability at the same time. Yeah. And you can in your head just say, Well, 10 people told me this, so I went and did this. I failed at it. Well, it wasn't me. 10 people told me to do this, so I did it and I failed. Yeah. I should have just listened to myself. Well, then why didn't you listen to yourself?

SPEAKER_00 27:24

That's so funny. Yeah, I hear that all the time. It's like they take somebody else's advice, yeah, their opposite. It doesn't work, and then they're like, see, I told you I should. And it's like, okay, well, why didn't you just do that in the first place? And I think it comes from the place of when you encounter a situation that that's unexpected that you're not happy with, can you in the moment get your mindset to a place of acknowledging the situation, not pretending like it's not gonna go away, acknowledging it for what it is? If it sucks, it sucks. Like if it's gonna have a material impact on your life, financially, physically, mentally, emotionally, acknowledge that. That doesn't change or I don't want to, you know, deprecate that in any way. But then can you start to build some of the skill sets in the moments when you're not in that situation so that you feel confident that you can address that situation self-sufficiently? And then the people that you bring in are there more as like people that you can, you know, liaison with and brainstorm with and aren't people that are just you're hoping and praying are available to you 100% of the time to actually come in and solve your problems.

SPEAKER_01 28:24

Well, on an earlier episode, we talked about the performance trap, right? And so I think one of the things for reframing is are you reframing, are you reframing genuinely for yourself? Yeah, or are you reframing for the other people who are around you to see what you're actually trying to do? Yeah. And so then you're not actually doing it for yourself, you're doing it again, you're on display, right? And I think that's the other component you have to recognize. And I used another analogy of the oxygen mask in the airplane. They always teach us, you know, in case of an emergency, put your oxygen mask on before you put anyone else's on. And I think reframing is the same thing. If you don't practice the reframing in a good state of mind, you're not gonna be able to do the reframing in a not so good state of mind. I'll give you another analogy, and then it's gonna go back to my journey with exercise and working out and stuff, right? And you've probably all picked up that I talk a lot about it because that's very important in my mind and the reframing sort of work I do. You sort of hit it when things are going really well for you. It's in those moments that you have to try something different that's gonna shake you a little bit and make you rethink and learn something new, right? And so my my journey with the whole working out and stuff was like that. So for many years, I never did pull-ups, right? I I don't even know why. I just never did pull-ups. And for me, that was sort of one of those catalysts. I think when I was really young, I probably got traumatized trying to do pull-ups at school and somebody bugged me or made fun of me because I couldn't do one or two of them. And so then I'm like, I'm never gonna do pull-ups again. Well, in my tender age in my 50s now, I'm crushing them. I'll do 10 to 12 pull-ups, no problem. And but that was a journey getting myself to that place. And I think for a lot of us, I know it's just a simple analogy or an example I'm giving you, but I had to really make myself uncomfortable. I was really strong in other elements of my exercise journey, but this one I wasn't. So I put all of my other sort of exercises and the movements I was doing all to reinforce my ability to do pull-ups. And once I started crushing three, four, five unassisted on my own, the next week it was seven, eight, the week after that, nine, ten. And now I don't do more because I don't want to hurt myself, but I feel really good. That in my 50s is when I actually late 40s to 50s, when I started doing pull-ups without any really effort in it. And I think for me, that was a proud moment and a reframing of myself of saying, you can't do this, now you're gonna start to do this and stay on this journey. What is what are the other things you need in order to accomplish this goal you set out for yourself? And once you accomplish that goal, well, then now you set another goal, right? And I think reframing is that way for yourself as well, is when you're able to reframe in certain situations, you have to remind yourself that I can go back to that same routine and structure in any situation because it just helps me get started. Not necessarily gives me the answer, but it moves me from a point of anxiety, frustration, and fear to a point of I've got this confidence and actually taking one step forward.

SPEAKER_00 31:28

I love that. And so, with that, I think what I would encourage all of you to think about is where can you start with reframing the things that you think you need to potentially look to upskill around, especially when something is going the way that you expect it. Because, and I mean this with so much love and grace bad things are gonna happen to you.

SPEAKER_01 31:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:48

There are gonna be a various level of bad things that are gonna happen. But I think you'll be able to navigate things a lot more successfully if you start to build your confidence and your feeling in yourself. So, with that, uh, we wish you well. Thanks for listening. Uh, and we will see you next week.

SPEAKER_01 32:06

Have a great day.