Backwards But Redeemed | Healing Within the Body of Christ | Season Finale

Healing is one of God's greatest desires for His people—not just individually, but within His Church. In this episode of Backwards But Redeemed, Pastor Victoria shares a heartfelt message on the importance of healing within the Body of Christ.

Whether you've experienced church hurt, broken relationships, disappointment, or division among believers, this conversation points back to the heart of Jesus. True healing comes through forgiveness, humility, restoration, and allowing the Holy Spirit to mend what has been broken. The Church is called to reflect Christ's love, carry one another's burdens, and walk together in unity.

No matter what your past has looked like, your story doesn't end there. Through Christ, what was once broken can be redeemed, restored, and used for His glory.

 Join Pastor Victoria as she encourages believers to pursue wholeness, reconciliation, and a deeper love for one another, becoming the unified Body that Jesus prayed for. 

Backwards But Redeemed is a ministry of Freedom Fire Church, where real stories meet the redeeming power of Jesus Christ.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Hey everyone, welcome back to Backwards But Reading. You know, the last four episodes has kind of has been leading up to this episode, which is probably the most exciting episode for me. Um, because it's when I had we're gonna talk about me having the true encounter with God, um, like I had never had before. So the last four episodes is really kind of giving you some backdrop of who I was, um, and we didn't dive deep, but just giving you some reference that I am a person um that had a lot of brokenness, but God is using all that for his good now. And so the title I actually have for this one is the church I didn't want to walk into. Um, so I will just kind of talk about this and what happened and what got us there. Um, so my oldest daughter was a softball player, she played softball, basketball, she played travel softball. So the team she played for was in another county, and so to get to this county, we had to drive this one road. I would drive there and I would drive back. It was like every day of the week almost. Um, and there was no other way to get there other than to drive down this road, and so I would drive down this road, and I didn't notice this church for a long time, and then probably about two years before my encounter and going to this church, I would drive by this church, and I know this is gonna sound silly. The church isn't like huge, it doesn't take up a whole block, but it would feel like driving by this church, it was almost like time stopped or extremely slowed down. Like I would drive by, and it was like this church went on forever, and at the time they didn't even have the new building, so it was just the old building, and I'm like, God, stop! Like, and I knew who God was, I knew enough about God to know that it was God, and I'm like, I nope. Every time I drive by, and I mean, it could be in the morning, it could be in the afternoon, it could be at night. I I would just shake my head no. But time would stop. It felt like every time I drove by this church, like he just kept highlighting this church to me, and I kept fighting it, and you know, like I said earlier, God will create situations sometimes to get what he wants, and or he'll use the situation to get what he wants, and so my daughters were teenagers, um I believe middle school, maybe a freshman in high school, my oldest daughter was, and my middle daughter, um, she likes to push my buttons at that time in her life. Um, and I do plan on having them two on here um here in the next few episodes to kind of talk about all this too. But um she was just really, really pushing. And now looking back, she was pushing because she was hurting and she didn't know how to tell anyone. Um, she didn't know how to tell me, she didn't know how to tell her dad. And so this is what she was doing to get a reaction out of us, trying to say, hey, I need help. And we didn't know any different either. And so some stuff happens, and like I said, that's her story. I'm not gonna tell it. But I get mad, and I just I'm getting on to her and all these things, and I said, that's it. We're going to church Sunday. And my kids were like, What? I'm like, you all need church, obviously. I don't, but you two need it. So we're going to church on Sunday. And they're like, you've never made us go to church. You told us you would never make us go. And so for me, this was a punishment to them. Like I was punishing them by making them go to church, is what I thought. And like they're crying, like, I don't want to go to church. And then my oldest daughter's like, what church? And I'm like, we're gonna go to life in Christ. And um they're like, and I'm like, nope, that's where we're going. I'm like, we're going Sunday. You don't have an option. There's so don't make plans and spend out at your friend's house. And if you have friends here, they're going to church with this Sunday. And I'm it was just like the distraught on their face was crazy. And Sunday rose around, and to be honest, I didn't want to go. Like if I am being honest, I didn't want to go. I didn't want to be around people who said that they were Christians. I didn't want any of that. I did not want to go. And we had tried, I'm not gonna say we had never gone to church. I had tried some churches, but every church I went into, no one ever talked to me. Um, I went in, I would go sit down, no one ever came and talked to me, no one, nothing. And so to be honest, I think I was using this as an excuse. Like, I'm gonna take my kids here for punishment this one Sunday. I know, crazy. And this is gonna be my excuse to say that they're all hypocrites and no one talks to you when you go to church if you don't go to church there and you're not a member. And the more I think about it, I honestly believe that that's what I was going to do to prove to myself that all churches were the same, and there's no point in going to church, anyways. And so we we get ready, we're going. I'm pretty sure my kids are still mad at me because they're having to get up and go to church, they're not wanting to. We I've never made them go to church before. This is so crazy. Why we're going, and I'm pretty sure my oldest one even said, Why do I have to be punished for what she did? Like, I didn't do anything wrong, but you're gonna make me go to church because she did something wrong. And my logic was, well, if she's gotta go, we're all going. If one goes down, we're all going down, and so I don't think there was much talking going on the trip to church, which it wasn't very far, anyways, but there wasn't a whole lot of talking, and I remember turning down because the church is on the corner, turning to turn into the parking lot, and I felt something different. I felt a weight, but it wasn't a bad weight, and I'm like, this is weird, and I almost wanted to cry, and I didn't, but I could feel this weight, like I said, but it wasn't bad, but it was a weight, and I didn't know what it was, and so we get out, and at the time, like I said, this was if you know life in Christ, this was before the new building, this was the old older building, and in my head, I'm thinking this is pretty decent-sized church, so I will this will be my excuse not to come back because no one's gonna greet me, and no one is gonna talk to us, was literally my thoughts. And so at the time they had like this little foyer, and I remember people opening the door, they immediately started talking to us, they immediately greeted us, they immediately, I believe somebody I actually even gave me a hug and was like, We're so glad you're here, all the things, and it took everything I had. I didn't even made it into the sanctuary, I was still just in the little foyer not to cry. Um, because I didn't know at the time, but what I was feeling was the way to God, and I was feeling his presence, and I didn't understand that because I had never felt it like that before, had always just been a goosebumps. Um, but I felt it. And one of my friends at the time was going to church there, and she's like, Hey, come sit up here with us, and so we go up to the front, and to be honest, I can't tell you much of what Pastor Chris preached on that day. I was so overwhelmed with what I was feeling. Um it was a peace like I had never felt before. I never felt that. I had never walked into a room and felt like everything stopped, but everything was still going. But there was no anger, there was no bitterness, there was none of that, there was no shame. And it freaked me out, to be honest. And I held back tears because I was one of those, I'm not crying in front of people. I just didn't want to. And I remember going home that night, and my girls were actually, I believe on the way home, we're like, it was either on the way home or a few days later, hey, we would like to go back to that church. And um I couldn't use my excuses of well, no one talked to us, um, no one acknowledged us. Why do we want to go somewhere where we're gonna be ignored? I couldn't use that as an excuse, and so all of my excuses were out the window. Um, because I still part of me just didn't want to go, and I think it was because part of me knew I was gonna have to give up who I had been for so long, and I didn't know what that looked like. And so they wanted to go, so we started going to Wednesdays and Sunday services. Um, and I had a friend at the time who was struggling with some stuff, and I'd been going about a month at this time, and uh she uh she was going through some stuff, and the only thing I knew, the only way I knew how to help her, which is totally not me, was to invite her to church. So I invited her to church and um she started coming with me, and we all started going on Wednesdays and Sundays, and on Wednesday nights, Pastor Chris had just started teaching on the Holy Spirit and the gifts of the Holy Spirit. Now, mind you, when I did go to church, I went to a Pentecostal church, so I knew of them, but I didn't know what they really were and what the Holy Spirit, who the Holy Spirit really was. I knew of it and I knew of the gifts that came with it. I just didn't know who he was. And so I'm like, well, this is gonna be interesting, like to actually learn who the Holy Spirit is and what the gifts of the Holy Spirit is. And so we start going to these teachings, and we're going on on Sundays and and all the things, and I'm just listening, and I'm feeling more at peace, and and God is convicting me of my sins, that I the things I needed to change. He was convicting me of it, but I didn't know what it was in the moment, so it made me feel a little uncomfortable. And but I still kept going. I still kept going, I still kept going. And I remember we had been there about a month at this time, and my husband at the time, we had lived, we lived in the same house, but we lived separately. Um, I slept on the couch um on one half of the house with the girls, and I remember one night just praying to God, and I'm like, God, there's got to be more to life than this. If you exist and all the things that this pastor is teaching about is real, why am I living like this? Why is all this stuff going on? Why did all this stuff happen in my life? And I remember asking him specific questions, like I need answers, and I need answers to this, and I need to know how to deal with this, and I need you to tell me what to do here. And I'm asking all these questions, and I remember just crying that night, and was like, God, what am I gonna do? Um, and so we go to church that Sunday, and it's normal praise and worship, normal service, and I see Pastor Chris get up with another young lady on stage, and he starts explaining the gifts of tongues, um, what a word in tongues is, and if you don't know, so someone can give a a word in tongues, and if you give a word, there's always an interpretation of that word, and so he was explaining that, and I can remember just seeing her on the stage next to him, and I just kept feeling this overwhelming need to cry. Um, and I I'm trying to fight it back, but the moment she gets the mic, mind you, I have no clue what she's saying, and starts speaking, I can't hold it back anymore. I'm just bawling and I'm crying, and at this point I couldn't even stand. I'm seated my friend who was who had only ever been to a Baptist church, and my kids who had never really been to church are like, what in the world is going on with mom? And I'm just just like I can't stop crying, and I don't know what she's saying, but I know whatever she's saying, God is talking to me. Like, whatever she is saying, He my spirit knew that what she was saying in the spirit I needed. My spirit stood up and said, This is for you, and I didn't understand all that at the time, but my spirit knew her spirit was talking to mine, and then there's a woman that got up and interpreted what she was saying, and everything she was saying, God was answering my prayer from the night before. None of those people knew what I prayed the night before. No one was there, it was just me. And the gist of it was if you trust me, if you will trust me, I will give you everything that you wanted. I'm I'm gonna have to shake shake your world up, and things are gonna have to fall off, and things are gonna have to fall away, but I will give you everything you've ever wanted. And I remember like I could not get it out of my head for weeks. Like I even had the video of it, like I had the recording of it, and I would just listen to it over and over and over again, and I thought in that moment, oh my gosh, he really did answer. Like he answered me, he answered everything I had asked him. How could I walk away now? And and so I just stuck it out. I stayed, and I was going and I was learning about the Holy Spirit, and I was understanding more of what was going on. And I remember at the end of this series um that Pastor Chris was preaching on, he was gonna lay hands on people. And if you hadn't been baptized in the Holy Spirit, you're gonna, he was gonna baptize you in the Holy Spirit. And it was that night, and I'm like, I'm not going down. Like I because I'm still living in shame. I hadn't laid laid it all down yet. I hadn't, I'd started working on laying those things down, and in my head I wasn't good enough. I'd done too much wrong for God to be able to impart any of these gifts in me. That there was just too much I had done wrong. And Pastor Chris gets through the service, and I couldn't even think because I knew at the end of service he was gonna have an altar call. I can't even tell you what he talked about that night. All I know is at the end of that service he was gonna have an altar call and I was not going. And um, and he kept, it's so funny. He called people down, and I could like I didn't know it at the time, like I knew, but I didn't know, but I could hear the Holy Spirit's like go, and I'm like, I'm not going. Like, I'm not going. And so I started bargaining with God. If he says one more time, come down, I'll go. And I did that about five times, and so it was like the end of the night. I don't know how long we had been there, and I'm like, and the Holy Spirit's like, go, and I'm like, nope, nope, because I knew because he had just said I'm not gonna ask again, and so I'm like, yeah, if he says it again, then I'll go. And no sooner than I get that out, he goes, I know I said I wasn't gonna ask again, but if there's someone else in here that needs to come down to the altar, I need you to come down to the altar. I knew in that moment I couldn't fight it anymore, so I literally just jump up and I'm in the middle of the sanctuary and I'm in the middle of the seats. So either way I went, I was gonna have to go past people. So I just jump up and I dart through people, like I don't even give them a chance to get up because I knew if I didn't go, I wasn't gonna go. And before he even got to me, I had already started praying in tongues. I had already had this encounter. He came and prayed over me. Um, I went out in the spirit. I don't know how long I was out, but in that moment, God showed me, if you just follow me, if you just allow me to heal you and you lay it all down, I will work on your kids and I will heal them. You can't heal them, anyways. I'm the only one that can, but you have to lead it in allowing me to enter into your life and allowing me to love you and allowing me to heal you. And in that moment, I just laid it all down. And I told him, I said, you've got to walk me through this because I have no clue what I'm doing. I feel like everything maybe I was taught, not that I was taught wrong, not that my parents intentionally did it wrong, but they didn't know you like this. So I don't know what this is. And so I had to learn how to have a relationship with him. So I want you to hear me for the next two years. I did not go a moment almost unless I was talking to another human being, not talking to God. I was either praying in tongues or I was talking in my natural language. If I was at work and I was in my office all by myself, I was praying in tongues, I was talking to God. I needed that in that moment to understand who I was. It doesn't mean that I still didn't make mistakes, it doesn't mean that everything was just rainbows and butterflies. It wasn't. But I knew I had had an encounter with him, and there was no going back for me. There was, I was not going back to what I had for the last 30 some odd years of my life. I had a true encounter with God. I experienced peace, what peace felt like walking into a church. I experienced who he was, and there was no going back for me. Not saying there hasn't been moments that it hasn't been hard for me, not for him, but for me, because I didn't want to give up things, I didn't want to do what he was asking me to do. But there was no going back to what life was like. Like before. And in the midst of all of that, God started shaking people out of my lives. He was shaking the ground like he said he would. And people started to fall away. That's fine. But then I had a group that I had coming to church with me. I had a group of people that started coming and they got to experience God in a way that I got to experience God. And it was so amazing, you know, and in the midst of all of this, I was struggling because I was in a marriage, and I stayed in that marriage after finding God. And I asked God, help me. Do I stay? Do I go? Do I what do you want me to do? And I stayed because in my mind, if I got divorced, could I really be a Christian? Could I really do any more for God if if this happens? And but there was still a part of me that was just un that there was still bitterness there. And it was never gonna get any better if I didn't let go of that bitterness. And so I had to let go of the bitterness. And I remembered I had started praying to God, God, I'm good with it just being me, you, and my girls. I'm good with that. And I had to go through this season, even though I was still married, I started grieving the loss of my marriage. Um, in the midst of it all, I was still asking God if there's if there's a way to redeem this, redeem it. If there's a way to redeem this, redeem it, but it takes two people. The other person had to be willing to redeem and to find God too. And I do not want anyone to take this as get divorced. If that is not what I'm saying, I'm just talking about my journey. And you know, I was staying, I was staying, and I believe I needed to stay because in that time frame that I was staying, God brought my youngest daughter to me. And if we wouldn't have been together, I wouldn't have met her, she wouldn't have came into my life. And she she comes in. I'm I'm like, okay, maybe this is why I need to stay. I need to stay. And some years go on, and my daughters come to me and they say, Mom, we know you've changed. Life is getting better, but it's okay if we need to leave. If we need to leave and go get our own place, it's okay, we're fine with that. And I honestly believe to me, it was God saying, they're okay, I'm okay if you need to go. If you need to go and finish healing this part of your life, because it's not going to get healed here, it's okay. And so we started making the plans for all of that. Um, and then we eventually left, and it was me and my girls, and I and I just remember this, and this just keeps playing over in my head. God just I just kept saying to God every night, God, I am good. If you don't ever want me to get married again, I'm good. I love what me and you have. No one could ever give me this. No one can give me what you're giving me right now. No one could give me the love, the protection. Like in that moment, I knew that nothing could hurt me. God was going to protect me. I knew that no one could love me how he was loving me in that moment. And my girls were getting to see that, and I was fine with that. And for months I had been fine with that. And I'm laying in bed one night, and I don't know why this thought or why this story is relevant, but we're gonna go with it. I'm laying in bed one night, and I remember thinking, God, I know I said I'm good if it's just me and you, but I do miss having physical touch, just someone to hug me. Because the last 10 years of my marriage, that was non-existent. So I had gone all these years without it. So I didn't, I couldn't understand why I needed it, why I wanted it in this moment. And I said, God, I just need you to remove that want for me because I'm good with this. I just need you to remove that want of that physical touch. And I'm laying in bed, and the way my bed was set up, I could see out my window, and there was a street light, and I remember just looking out the window. And this may sound crazy to some, but I remember God just like it's like I could feel him lay next to me and just hold me. Not in any type of way of other than just a father holding his daughter and saying, I'm here. And I thought, nothing can get any better than this. God, I truly am good with just this. Like I could feel his arms wrap around me and I thought, my god, I don't need to be married again. I'm good if this is all I ever have. And I forget those moments at times, and I have to take myself back there because that was probably the best night of my life was to feel I could feel his arms wrap around me, and I thought, I am protected. There's no one who could ever love me like this, and no one who's ever gonna protect me like he does. And I was so grateful in that moment, and I think that's what he's wanting some of you that are listening. If you don't hear me, he wants to love you like that, but you have to lay it all down, and you have to let it go. And I know that there are moments we don't feel like we can be loved like that. I have done it all. I didn't go down all my path, but let me tell you, I lived in a lot of shame and for many years believed that there was no way anyone could love me like that. There's no way anyone's gonna look past all the things I had done and love me unconditionally, but he did, and that night he showed me to a next level of what it was. And so I want to encourage you if you feel that way, if you feel rejected and you feel like you can't be loved, you can, and God's just knocking on the door and he's saying, I want to love you. All you gotta do is open it. All you gotta do is open the door and let me come in and wrap my arms around you and let you experience my true peace and my true love. And I want you to ask God to step in wherever you're at right now. If you haven't experienced that love, ask him to step in. God, I need you to step in right now where I'm at and show me what she's talking about. Let me experience what she's talking about. She got to experience you with you. He will. But you have to be willing to let him, you have to be willing to lay it all down and let him protect you and allow him to love you. So I hope that was encouraging to you guys today. I'm gonna pray us out the next episode. I will probably have my husband on here with me. Um, because I feel like the next part involves him. And so we have two perspectives of how we met and how things got together. Um, but I think you need to hear both. Um, and it will probably be a little bit of a longer episode because he's a talker. Uh but I think this next part involves him, and I really want him here with me to tell it. So I want to pray us out um before we go. Father, we just thank you. I thank you so much, Daddy, for your love and protection. And Father, and I pray if there's someone listening today who doesn't understand your love and protection, God, I just ask that you show them that. I ask that you show up where they're at right now and let them experience your love and your protection over their life, God. God, I pray that as they've listened, that they go back and maybe see even if the chaos and the craziness of their life where you have always been there protecting them. And Father, we just thank you. Thank you for an amazing day, and I thank you that you bless everyone throughout the week and keep them protected. In Jesus' mighty name. We'll see you next week. Have a great week.