Kirstin Andrus on Embracing Who You Were Created to Be.

What does it really mean to show up—for your family, your community, and yourself?

In this inspiring episode of the Stand4Kind Podcast, Shara Park sits down with mother, author, and community leader Kristin Andrus to talk about the power of everyday kindness, meaningful connection, and embracing who you were created to be.

Kristin shares the lessons that have shaped her life, from becoming a "lighthouse mom" who guides rather than rescues, to letting go of perfection with her philosophy that 80% is good enough. She opens up about finding confidence, using your unique gifts to serve others, building stronger families through connection, and transforming personal struggles—including her family's journey with addiction—into purpose and hope.

Whether you're a parent, leader, or someone simply trying to make a difference, this conversation will leave you feeling empowered to stop striving for perfection and start showing up with authenticity, courage, and love. https://kristinandrus.com/

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

One of the most meaningful moments in life aren't the big milestones, but the small everyday choices we make to connect with the people around us. Today on the Stand for Kind Podcast, we're joined by Kristen Andress, a mother, author, and community builder whose life and work shows us how everyday moments can become powerful acts of love, service, and connection. Welcome into the Stand for Kind Podcast. So glad that you could be here to share a few moments with us as we talk about inspiring stories, connection, education, and that's why I'm so excited to have our guests with us. Kristen Andris, thank you for being here. Thank you so much for asking me to be here. You have so many hats that you wear. Mother, author, community advocate, all the things. I love watching it all unfold online. But who are you, would you say, at your core?

SPEAKER_02 0:51

You know, I'm just a girl trying her best, right? I've first and foremost, I am a mom of six kids, um, a very loving wife, but that isn't has never been enough for me. I've always wanted to be out doing something, trying to, you know, remove barriers, help people. Um, I saw something somewhere and I said, Oh, I think I want that on my headstone when I die. And it and it was this idea of like, she didn't have to, but she did it anyways. She did it. And I I just I love that. I love people, I love showing up. You know, I'm not the greatest mom, I'm not the greatest at anything, but I really show up and I really try and I really care.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Well, I will disagree with you in that that area because I've watched you for a long time and you are fabulous in all these different areas. But walk me back a little bit. Where did this this need for connection come from for you? Was there something in your past that inspired you or challenged you?

SPEAKER_02 1:49

Yeah. Well, I think I watched my mom, who was a connector. She was always hosting things and and throwing the birthday party. You know, now as I'm in middle age, I'm seeing that she was always initiating and inviting and including others, whether it was in her church circle or, you know, with her uh Zumba or her exercise classes or whatever she was doing, she was kind of the one that was connecting. And so I grew up in a house where we hosted and we gathered. And and I think sometimes we think we're always entertaining, but really gathering is just it can be casual. It can just be getting together with girlfriends. And so I saw that that social part of her life, her friendships were really important to her, even through having four kids, having a busy life. She made that um, she made that a r a priority. And so then I think as kids, we just saw like this is how it works and this is what you do. And then you get out to the real world or adulthood and you realize, oh, not everybody is like that. So I had an incredible mentor in my mom, and um, and I and I'm a social person as well. I love it.

SPEAKER_01 2:51

Was there anything that she would ever say to you, or uh, you know, maybe a life moment that captures kind of her essence that that you took with you into adulthood? Like that my mom would always say buck up. That was always the thing she'd say to me if I was ever down. Share a buck up. Um, was there anything like that in your in your childhood? You know, I'm trying to think.

SPEAKER_02 3:11

Um I think it was kind of like, why not me? Like, I'm I'm gonna take this on, you know. I think so many women can kind of be in a passive position where they're not gonna take initiative, they're not gonna have the confidence to step up and be the PTA president or the you know, head of the swim team, or the team mom, or whatever it would be. And it was kind of like, why not me? And my mom never had to be um, you know, the best at anything. Sure. Really, she just would say, show up, you know, why not me? And she would she would take things on that maybe she didn't even know what she was doing, but she figured it out.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

I'm curious, what was like one of the first major things that you took on that you thought, oh my goodness, can I do this?

SPEAKER_02 3:53

Yes. Um that's now I what I will tell you too, because a lot of us are are raising our own kids, is that I was raised by parents who I think I probably was born with a little bit of confidence, but they instilled a lot of confidence in me. So there was just kind of this like, Kristen, you could be whatever you want to be. You could have whatever job you want to have. Do my dad was a stockbroker growing up. So I always thought I was gonna be a stockbroker in San Francisco, and that was gonna be my life. And of course I would do that, and I would get my MBA. And there was just this like the there was no limit to even, you know, me as a girl, um, raised in a in a religious uh setting, that like I could be and do whatever I wanted. Like there was no doubt in my mind that that was true. So that was a really great place to start, right? Wow. I think my parents were really confident in themselves, and then there was just almost, almost to like we were the exception. Sure. Like, of course we could do this because we're the exception and we could do anything in the world. So I will say a lot of what I do is kind of this like false confidence, which actually becomes confidence that like I can do this. So even when I'm, you know, sitting around tables where I know the least out of anyone else, I am there to learn, I'm there to grow. Um, sometimes it's better when we're kind of thinking outside the box and we can, you know, bring questions to the table. You know, I've worked on policy, I worked on nonprofit issues that I had no idea what I was doing. But I was totally willing to show up. I was willing to, you know, ask questions, get curious, and then do what I could do, right? Not we all bring different things to the table. And so I don't need to be the smartest one in policy or the smartest one in, you know, d supply and demand or whatever, whatever we're talking about as we're out helping and working with people, but I can bring my unique gifts to the table. And that to me always felt like it was enough.

SPEAKER_01 5:44

I feel so inspired. I want to go do something right now.

SPEAKER_02 5:46

I'm like, okay, I don't have to be the smartest, but if I show up and I apply myself, I could do it.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:50

So I'll get I'll give you an example that's happened recently. Over the last couple of years, I've realized that I'm a really bad board member for nonprofits. Like they're generally bad. Yeah, okay, because they're generally in the afternoon and I've got and I have six kids. Sure. So the board the board meetings are hard for me to attend. I sit around a table with a big group of people and I realize I am not giving my best self around this table and kind of showing up for these meetings and being so I called all of these executive directors of nonprofits and I said, I am not showing up for you in the way that I want to. I'm dropping off of your board, but call me for special projects. I am an incredible woman. I will show up with my megaphone and my spotlight and I will host a lunch. I will do whatever you need for a special project, and I will tell you, I have shown up in my unique way, using my skills, talents, abilities, whatever I have, in such a better way for these nonprofits, for example, than I ever would have sitting around a boardroom doing the work of a board member.

SPEAKER_01 6:52

Was there a specific moment that it really defined it for you, though? Did something happen or were you just feeling it?

SPEAKER_02 6:57

Yes. Okay, that's a really good question. This is another thing that as women, sometimes we don't have. I have a friend who um who is kind of a consultant for me, but this could be a friend for you. Um, I think as women, we often don't have thought partners. Okay. Um, if you're in a corporate environment, you might have, but a lot of times we don't have someone that's kind of maybe pushing against us asking, why are you spending time on that? You know, what are you doing here? Tell me more about this. We just kind of go kind of go about our lives. Maybe we talk to a spouse or partner, kids or friends about what we're doing. But I found a friend who I've who I've ended up really working closely with, and we sat down and she really asked me important questions about how I was spending my time. With six kids, I looked like I was everywhere, trying to do everything, and she asked me hard questions that really made me pause. And she said, How are you as a board member? And I said, I'm probably not the best. And she said, Kristen, you're a bad board member. Oh. And I said, You are absolutely right. But it was this freeing, because I thought the right thing to do is to join a board because that is duty and that's the right thing to do, and it's gonna help these nonprofits. And she helped me realize if you're gonna really use your talents and skills to truly help these nonprofits, you're not showing up in the boardroom. You're actually showing up in your unique way. So go tell them that. Tell them you are still the partner, you are still there to help them.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

Let me shine in this area for you.

SPEAKER_02 8:24

Exactly. And there's other people that can do that better. Yeah. And so she helped me see that actually I was doing a disservice, taking a board seat, not doing a great job for these. So that was powerful coming. From another woman, friends.

SPEAKER_01 8:36

Well, and sometimes I feel like we we want to be on the board because it also looks good, and you know, but sometimes you really do have to turn the mirror around and say, what am I doing? And is it really helping? And that's the point. That's the point.

SPEAKER_02 8:48

And it couldn't be the boardroom, it could be PTA, it could be, you know, the team mom, it could be uh something in your in your organization. So you could use that to say, am I really, yeah, is this kind of because I think I should, kind of those shoulds in life, or am I really showing up?

SPEAKER_01 9:03

Oh, I love this advice. That's so great, Kristen. Thank you. Um, I'm gonna have to reflect on everything I'm doing right now. But really, that's how I showing up in the right way.

SPEAKER_02 9:11

And finding a friend that even just saying, can we be thought partners for each other? Like, could I mean you and I could actually do that. Tell me the truth. Yeah, tell me the truth. Like, because we can refine and do better if we have that truth and someone that sees us in a way.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

And sees what we bring and the value we bring to things. Yeah. Sometimes we don't see it ourselves.

SPEAKER_02 9:29

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 9:29

Okay. Oh, wow, that's so great. Okay, Kristen, I want to ask you a little bit. Um, you you've got this wonderful website and these blog posts that you write. You're this mom, you've talked about your kids who are all so involved and so amazing. I love seeing them do great things. Tell me about this concept that you kind of live by, this lighthouse mom concept and what that is, and how people can apply it to their lives.

SPEAKER_02 9:50

Okay, so what I first want to say is when I'm sharing things on social media or with the world, with my friends, it's because I'm trying to learn it as well. Right? So I shared this idea of this lighthouse mom, um, one from other mothers I see, and then one from the mom that I want to be. And we hear about bulldozer moms, we hear about helicopter moms. And truthfully, I'm kind of I'm not those. I'm kind of a hands-off mom, maybe a little bit to my kids' detriment, but I don't think so. I give them a lot of space, a lot of room. I'm busy myself, which allows me to not be hovering over them and like clearing. They've got to figure it out. Like from the time I have the funniest video of my boys that were two years old and like getting chicken nuggets out of the freezer. I have twin boys. And they were like getting their own food because they had to. Now, I think that that they end up better, more resilient kids when we do that. Um, but I was I was biking um in Spain with my two older girls, one that just graduated, so I'm just entering into this new world of um, you know, a college student and then um a sophomore in in high school. And I saw this lighthouse, and it was this aha moment of that is the mom I want to be. I don't want to be clearing the way for all of the hard that's gonna be coming their way. I don't want to be hovering over them, making sure that everything's in place and you know that nothing goes wrong for them or swooping in whenever they need my help. Like I want to be strong. I want to show the way through light. Um, I want to be cheering them on, you know, from from afar, giving giving them that ability to figure it out themselves, but always there, always strong, um not moving, not move, not, you know, joining the roller coaster. Like that idea of like staying on the platform as your kids are on this roller coaster. And the lighthouse was um came from this idea of of a child going to you know college and potentially doing other things and kids maybe making different choices. And so I just thought that I want to be pointing the way, I want to be sharing light and strong and solid and not kind of moving with the whims of everything, but kind of that constant in their life.

SPEAKER_01 12:05

Has there been a moment where it has it has worked in the sense like like have you had any moments with your kids where you thought they're getting it?

SPEAKER_02 12:15

Yeah, yes, I think so, but it's almost sometimes I realize as I talk to other moms what I'm allowing my kids to take on that I don't do for them. Sure. Right? So it's like, tell me about this. What did you do for her? How did this work? And I'm like, oh, I didn't do any of that. And they're like, wait, you didn't set this all up, you didn't, you didn't sign them up, you didn't do this, and then I'm like, oh no, I'm not involved in that at all. My kids take on all of that. Yeah. And I didn't realize that other moms are doing so much for their kids, and I realized, wow, my kids have a huge opportunity that they're actually they they own this.

SPEAKER_01 12:50

What would be your advice for a mom who feels like they are doing too much? And most you know, and we do out of love. Yes, we love our kids and we want we want them to succeed and and we want to help where we can if it's gonna lighten their load a little bit. Yeah. What would you you say to the mom who is feeling so overwhelmed by doing too much and they know it?

SPEAKER_02 13:08

Yeah, yeah. So the the one mantra I I've I've said since like I said my kids were little is I'm never gonna do something that they can do for themselves. So if you stop and you say, she could actually do that, don't do it for her. It's gonna be hard, and maybe maybe there needs to be some partnering or some collaboration where you can follow up with them, but allowing them to do that one is gonna take a little bit off of you. In the beginning, it's gonna be harder. Yeah, absolutely. Because they might struggle. And they will. You know, I have a kid going to HXB, I have a kid that, you know, didn't get her boarding pass in time. Like that's gonna happen. Do you think that's gonna happen a second time when they don't have their stuff pulled together? Right. It's not, and for them to learn these lessons under my roof with a little bit of a backstop because of course I'm still there and I'm I'm gonna help out. I want them to learn some of these lessons under my roof before they go out to the big world. And they're big problems and big issues that are really hard to work through. So, no, like this will be uncomfortable. So I'm not gonna do anything that you could do for yourself. Oh shoot, I would normally do this, I'm gonna let you do it. It's uncomfortable. I hate this, I have a control problem. That's what these women are gonna say, right? And we're gonna sit there and we're gonna watch it. Oh, it's gonna be hard. And then say, but look at this gift that I'm giving them to go through the struggle, and I'm still there to love them and guide them and help them. I love it.

SPEAKER_01 14:24

I'm gonna find something today that I know my kid can do on their own, and I'm going to let them do it. Do it on their own. And tell them. Yes. Right. You're capable of it.

SPEAKER_02 14:33

All of a sudden, it's like they're like, wait, mom, you've always done this. So say, I've realized that I've been doing way too much for you. Yeah. And I've realized I'm actually taking away all of these incredible opportunities for you to learn and grow and do all of them. You might not see it. Yeah, but it's not. And so let them know that this is happening and why? Because all of a sudden, when you stop doing all the signups, doing all of the things, they're gonna not understand. So I think there does need to be a conversation if you're gonna kind of switch it up a bit.

SPEAKER_01 14:57

That's great advice. Okay, you also have another little uh life mantra. 80% is good enough. Well, you kind of talked about just a little bit at the beginning there, but why you believe so heavily in that?

SPEAKER_02 15:07

Oh my gosh, I do. I'm actually working on a really big project right now, and I just had a big meeting about it, and I thought 80% is good enough. Because if I try to show up in a hundred percent in all aspects of my life, I would never get anything done. And what you realize is sometimes the parenting at 80%, you all they need is your love, right? Actually, they end up in a better place. Uh putting your whole self into something could take over your whole life. I like to be involved in different things, and I realize that if I'm gonna give all of myself 100% to something, everything else is going to get very little. So I'd rather show up to the best of my ability, meaning that 80%, um, than putting everything. No, some people like to go niche and deep and go really And that's great for them. That's great. That's just not my personality. And when I see women, and I I hate to keep talking about other women, but I get to you know see a lot of women, talk to a lot of different women, when they're trying to strive for that 100%, either it doesn't get done, they never feel like it's a hundred percent. And so then they they don't go about doing it. And so when you kind of have this like, this bee is gonna be great. Yeah, you know, this be in this school project, this be in, you know, however I'm showing up in the world, it's you're still like putting your personality and your love and your care, but not feeling like you have to be perfection, it's really perfection, right? 100% perfection.

SPEAKER_01 16:37

It's allowing grace, it's allowing the opportunity for growth. It's really, I feel like too, most people's 80% is still viewed as 100%. Absolutely. You know, and 80% is like, yeah, you're giving yourself some room to breathe a little bit there. Um, have you how how did you come to that conclusion? Or did you have a hard lesson you learned? Okay, so this is really interesting.

SPEAKER_02 16:59

With the same woman that um I've gotten to know, she said, Have you ever written your origin story? And so I don't know if you know what that is, but you can write your origin story and um you really think about back to when you were growing up and you really look at your life and you look at patterns, and pattern recognition is so interesting as you kind of look at what you're doing now and what you want to do in your future. And so, as we looked, I've always had this mantra of 80% because I have six kids. I like to be involved in a lot of stuff. I've got a really busy husband and I'm involved in his business. And so, like, I could never and I've never wanted to be a perfectionist. Like, I just didn't care. I thought that looks miserable. It's beautiful in the messy. Who wants totally? Who wants to do that? And so, as we looked at my origin story, it was like my grades in high school were good enough because I cared about social. I did synchronized swimming. Uh you did? Yes, I did. I didn't try out for the Olympic team because I like 80, like doing it enough. Fulfilled that bucket because I still cared about college and other things. So, like my life, this pattern of 80% literally has showed itself throughout my life. Um, and that's still how I am, and it's such a easier place.

SPEAKER_01 18:07

So I know for like somebody like me, I I I want to live like that, but then I have this empty feeling of I didn't do an I didn't do it, I didn't do it enough, I didn't reach the goal, I didn't, you know, I I'm always that reaching perfection level, and it is exhausting. It's exhausting. It's exhausting. I was not born with that. It's like, what's your advice for somebody like me who's like, how do I, how do I take a breath? How do I just kind of let it be okay? So or how do you teach that?

SPEAKER_02 18:34

Yeah, so I love this idea of um I'm I'm writing a book right now, and today I was talking about like what does success look like in the book and what does failure look like? And I said, there is no failure because it's just my offering. Like this is my offering, this is what I have to give. I have confidence in who I am, what I have to give, my bandwidth, this season of life. Yes. And so this is my offering. And I think there's a confidence in that that I know this is all I can do. This 80% is all I have. If I want to give more, I will. Um but I think this idea that maybe women who are trying to get to that hundred and never get there is like, this is my offering, and it's gotta be good enough. And I will tell you it is. And when you look at other women, think about that, and you will you appreciate their offering. Yeah. Right?

SPEAKER_01 19:24

And so I think just going back. In your own words, what what gets replaced? Like uh what replaces the perfection when you let go? Is it freedom? Is it joy, or what is it in your own words?

SPEAKER_02 19:38

You know, we we do as women hold ourselves to a certain standard. So I will say, I think because that's been a standard I've been accustomed to, I feel very content.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

Contentment.

SPEAKER_02 19:52

Um that this is my offering. And and and within within that contentment is a confidence that I've done all I'm willing and wanting to do. So it's a choice. It's a choice. You're making a choice. I don't know what they're expecting from me, but that's actually not where I'm uh like finding my um It's almost like ownership. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:11

Like I am going to own this, this is what I'm capable of. Yeah. And that's that's okay. Yeah. I I think there's some freedom in that.

SPEAKER_02 20:18

There's a freedom in that. I remember coming to Utah, uh, it wasn't from here and getting help with my kids because I it was just too much for me. And when I started owning the mom I was, the woman I was, this is what I can do, this is where I need help. It was like everyone stop talking about me because I was saying this is who I am. Yeah, this is the kind of mom I am, this kind of woman I am, this is the bandwidth I have. And when you kind of own that and you have confidence in like this is right for me, I think there's just a contentment with like, yep, this offering is good enough. I feel I feel like I feel empowered right now to be like, this is enough, I'm doing it. But practice it, right? It comes very natural to me. It probably doesn't to a lot of women. So practice saying that. Do and then maybe you know at the point you'll feel it.

SPEAKER_01 20:59

This is good enough. And it is. It is, and it is okay. You, I have loved watching you grow into this role as author, this cookbook that you it's the Life at Our Table. Yeah. Um tell me about how you decided, okay, now I'm gonna write a cookbook. Because I I see what you do with your husband, with Trigger, with the kids, you're always cooking. Yeah. How did it come to be a cookbook?

SPEAKER_02 21:21

Yeah, that's a great question. So the funniest um thing, so I I saw other women um doing cookbooks. You know, of course, we see other you know, influencers out there, bloggers out there um doing cookbooks, and I thought it would be so cool. My parents were in their 70s, which they're still young and spry and amazing. But I thought, what is the legacy that they're kind of leaving? Like, we don't have this pioneer heritage, we didn't have like this grandmother crossed the plains, which a lot we you know we have here in Utah or other other legacy families. And and and we do, there's a lot of great stories. But I thought, what is the legacy that my parents are leaving behind? So I pulled my whole family together, my two sisters who live in California. My brother and my parents, who are most of them are in California. And I pulled them together three years ago for Thanksgiving, and I'm like, I have a gift for you guys. And I did a PowerPoint slide, and they were like, so I found out later they thought we thought you were taking us all to Europe. And I'm like, no. So they're expecting a trip. And I'm like, we're writing a family cookbook. And it was like bum, boom, boom, bike. No, that's a project. They were like, this is a gift. And I said, I am gonna spearhead this. And it ended up being such an incredible legacy project, not only for my family, for my parents, around hosting, around gathering, around connection. And then this what the family tree we do have is around addiction and mental health, and a lot of issues that so many families have, but that we're pretty public about. So my brother has been struggling with addiction for two decades. And it felt like the family really came together when I said we are gonna give 100% of the proceeds to Huntsman Mental Health, who here in Utah is doing such an incredible job with mental health research, education, prevention, um, around um addiction. And um and so that felt like this rallying cry that everyone really was excited about. And we started adding, you know, recipes, and we came together and did pictures, and I, you know, wrote a lot about it. So it was it was the destination was the journey, right? It was the journey of gathering recipes and sitting around tables and taking pictures together, and now we have this beautiful cookbook that's so meaningful to us that we were able to raise over $250,000 for huntsmen. And it has great recipes.

SPEAKER_01 23:40

You know, and it's that's the thing about you is you you are living this. It's not like these are just you just came up with for the cookbook. No. If you follow you or your husband on social media, you guys are always cooking. Yeah. So tell me about what gathering at the dinner table means to you and and how it impacts your family.

SPEAKER_02 23:56

Yeah, so one, I will admit, gathering around the dinner table on a weekday night is so hard right now. Yeah, it is hard. Right? We got kids going every direction right now. Every direction. If if we sit around a dinner table all together on a Sunday or the days that we do, I'm like, you guys, I sound like my mom. I'm like, this is the best part of my life, you know, or I'm like, sit down right now, even if you've already eaten, like we need to sit around the table. So I think any of us sitting around the table as often as we can, and being realistic, that it's not gonna happen every night like maybe we were going to be.

SPEAKER_01 24:28

But the point is you're you're creating a space for it.

SPEAKER_02 24:30

You're creating space, you're connecting, you're um the the the one of the mantras of the book was that um uh it was oh my gosh, because my brother struggle struggles with addiction, is um connection is prevention. And I loved that idea of prevention, is not don't try drugs or don't start drinking, but it's connection. And we realize that that is what we are missing on, you know, today in in our day and age of cell phones and tablets and all of those things that these kids have. As even my husband and I are on our phones way too much. That when we are sitting around a table, when we're putting our devices away, that is where family bonds are made. It's why we travel with our family, it's because like we know we're gonna have undivided attention and we are gonna be sitting around a table, yeah, eating meals every chance we get. And so that is where connection happens, and it's where we take a minute to eat, right? We're always gonna have to eat. Like that's just that's just what humans have to do. So taking that moment where we're gonna come together and feed our bodies, but also feeding the connection and our souls and and the bonds that are so is there a moment that you can reflect on or remember that that really kind of solidifies that thought of like with your family, around food, around a table, you know, or around the grill or wherever you're at. Yeah, we're always around the trigger grill. Um when we started working with with refugee families years ago, long time ago, 10 years ago. And we went through a season, probably, I don't know, six months or something, where we would invite, we loved getting to know these families from different parts of the world. And every Sunday night we would invite a new family over and to learn from them. And so we'd invite them over for Sunday dinner. And anytime we do not have anyone over for Sunday dinner, my kids are like, Why is why is no one coming? What's happening? Why are we so quiet? Yeah, what what's going on? This is we're like, we've been, you know, busy all week or whatever. But those moments from understanding that you are learning more from these families that are different from you than they are learning from you, as being the American or being the, you know, uh, the person that live lives here. Um we learned so much. My kids learned so much sharing a meal with other families who, you know, had different faiths in us, totally different backgrounds than us. So that was, and we try to do that as much as possible. It's getting harder. You know, people always say when your kids get older, and I think it is harder. I'm seeing that. It is harder. But we still strive for that. Yeah. We still strive to have people that are different from us that we can learn from, that maybe learn a little bit from us around our table. There's been nothing better that's happened around our table than that.

SPEAKER_01 27:09

I love that. I love that so much. Tell me a little bit. Uh you mentioned your brother. I too had a my brother passed away already, but um struggled with addiction and things like that. How has that effort to build this cookbook to bring the family together impacted the mental health of your family?

SPEAKER_02 27:26

You know, I think it's really powerful when you can, you know, talk about ownership, kind of own your own stories, when you can say this is hard for us, especially when my brother can get up in front of hundreds of people. And by the way, it's it's a struggle, like it's a lifelong struggle. And the what was so powerful, one is that my mom, as the mother, it's so hard, right? It's so difficult. And as she has owned this story and owned our family and some of what we have going on, the number of women that she has been able to help that have sat across her kitchen table and cried with her and loved her and shared with her that never would have opened up before. And then as we did, oh my gosh, we did so many in-person events when he spoke, the lines of people to get up right after we would meet and he would talk to talk to him and say, Me too, my brother too, my uncle too, my mom, my daughter, it filled the room. Yeah, everybody had the story, and so I think the Huntsmans have done a great job of this talking about their family and struggles that weren't so public during the time, but now that they've realized when you know John Huntsman Sr. said, find the cancer of your generation, and they said it's mental health. And if it's mental health, we have got to step up and share more about what's going on with our family. When families are able to do that, when you have friends that say, my brother too, you're just able to understand that you're you're not hiding it. It's not that shame cycle.

SPEAKER_01 28:55

You're not alone, you're not alone. You're not alone in it.

SPEAKER_02 28:57

No, and you and gosh, you're really not alone, right? It's wow everywhere.

SPEAKER_01 29:02

I I think that what an incredible opportunity to take something you're so passionate about and find purpose beyond your family in it. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_02 29:12

It was, and I think the book did so well, and why we raised so much money was the mission. Yeah, it was so many families saying, I I want the cookbook, and and then they'd share their story. Yeah. Right? And so it was very personal to so many.

SPEAKER_01 29:25

That's amazing.

SPEAKER_02 29:26

Sadly.

SPEAKER_01 29:26

Um, I uh one kind of ending question here for you, Kirsten. Uh tell me a little bit about showing up when you're not sure you belong. How have you been able to tackle that and and overcome any fears in that? And what would be your advice to a woman listening today who who wants to do that, who wants to show up for her family, wants to show up for her community, and is just afraid?

SPEAKER_02 29:52

Yeah. Okay, so uh actual tools, like an actual pathway towards that. The first thing I'd say is go and start talking to people, go start asking questions. I entered into this world of philanthropy here in my state about 10 years ago. And I remember thinking, I don't fit here, I'm too young, I'm loud, I'm like, I don't have this like family legacy of philanthropy that so many of these women do. And so it was pretty brave, but I called each of these women that I saw out in the community doing amazing things, and I asked to take them to lunch one-on-one. And I went and I asked a million questions to each of them. And so if you're wanting to get involved in whatever it may be, find women, men, whoever that are doing it, and ask to go on a walk, ask to take them to lunch and ask them a lot of questions. And don't just take one person and they're one way. Go and find out how other people are doing what you are wanting to do. Great advice. And as I took these women to lunch, it was one I was so grateful that they said yes, right? That was people want to mentor, they want to help, they want to answer your question. When you come full of curiosity and questions, you want to learn more about them, people are gonna love that. I really, they're not gonna turn you down. So be brave and just ask, even for a 10-minute Zoom call. I think most people will probably take you up on that. What I realized as I interviewed these women, it was my interview, they didn't know it, they thought we were just going to lunch, is that they were all doing it so differently. There was not one way to go on this path forward to what I was looking to do. So as you're looking at that, you're probably thinking, this is what it looks like, this is what the woman looks like that does this that I want to do. And what you realize is there are so many different paths and so many different ways to get to what you want to do. And by the way, as you go and you take, you know, certain risks, or you put yourself out there, or you invite to lunch, or you maybe take a step in that direction, it's gonna change as well.

SPEAKER_00 31:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:52

Right? What I thought I was gonna do 10 years ago looks very different. What I thought I was gonna do two years ago looks very different right now. So being opening, being open to pivots and saying, I really want that, but I know that the line, that how I get there is gonna be very different. And the more people that you can ask questions to and understand their path, you'll realize it was as crooked and all over the place. Yeah. And they and they and they did that. The other thing is that you'll realize is these women never thought that they belonged either. Yeah. None of these women were like, this is my calling, this is what I'm supposed to do. They somehow ended up there, they made it work, they pretended, and now we all look to them as experts. But none of them feel like they're experts. We're all making it up. Yeah. So make it up, you know? I love it.

SPEAKER_01 32:40

It's it's invite them on your podcast. Yeah, exactly. And get their advice while you interview them. I love that. Exactly. Kristen, last question for you before you wrap up here. How do you hope to be remembered when you look back at all the things that you're accomplishing, that you're working on, the family, the career, politics, all the things. How but what do you hope your kids say or or or is your what is your lasting impression you hope to leave?

SPEAKER_02 33:07

Yeah, um That's a big question. It's it's a big question. And I think, you know, I love uh Steve Young's book, The Law of Love. And I think I think it's really that that love, right? Like love for humanity, um, love for my children, love, um, love of God, um, love of people and connection. Like I hope that there is a, we don't always remember what people said, right? I talk a lot and I'm up talking a lot and I'm sharing on Instagram, but it's like there was this energy and this passion, this love that she had for people or for her kids, her husband. Um, and and we felt that and it and it and it and it caused me, you know, if if you're at like and it caused me to do something differently or to to go that extra step. Like when I'm out talking to women or talking to my kids, like I hope that they just feel excited to do something a little bit more in whatever that is for them. I don't care what direction people are going, but I hope I inspire them to do a little bit more of what they want to do, go in that direction, take that step, um, have the courage. Yeah. Long answer to a very complicated question.

SPEAKER_01 34:21

Very complicated question, but beautiful answer. I think to be known for that is is so rewarding and accurate because that's how I feel when I'm around you and then hear you speak and then watch the things that you do. I want those same things in my life. So thank you for sharing that with us. And I I just hope others out there take that, you know, that example and think I'm enough and this is enough, and I'm showing up the best way I can. So thank you. Absolutely. Thank you so much. Thanks for joining us on the Stanford Kind podcast. You can learn more about Stanford Kind on our website, standforkind.com. You can also follow us on Instagram, Facebook, X, and TikTok. We also hope that you'll subscribe and share this show with your friends and family. We'll see you next time.