3. Sisters Care for Each Other

In this episode, Tina Boesch and Paige Keeton are joined by author Jeannie Cunnion as they reflect on the character traits that shape Christ-centered friendships, calling women to clothe themselves in compassion, kindness, and humility. They discuss the dynamics of friendship among believers, the faithful loyalty of Jesus as our friend, and the challenges of forming new relationships in unfamiliar communities. Intentional friendships are marked by care, selflessness, and a desire to bless others for God’s glory. 

• Key Bible Passage: Colossians 3:12-17 

LINKS 

Friends and Sisters Bible study 

CSB Women’s Study Bible 

The Four Loves by C. S. Lewis 

Hosted by Tina Boesch and Paige Clayton Keeton with guest Jeannie Cunnion. 

CONNECT WITH US! 

Friends and Sisters is a podcast from Lifeway Women.   

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:11

Welcome back, y'all. We are back with the Friends and Sisters podcast. I'm Tina Bosch.

SPEAKER_03 0:17

And I'm Paige Keaton, and in this podcast, we'll reflect on how to cultivate deep Christ-inter relationships with one another.

SPEAKER_01 0:23

Whether you're new to your relationship with Jesus or if you've walked with him for years, this podcast is designed to remind you that you have a place in God's family, and we hope it's going to inspire you to be a better friend and sister.

SPEAKER_03 0:36

All right. You ready, Tina?

SPEAKER_01 0:38

I'm ready.

SPEAKER_03 0:39

I have a question for you.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

All right. Bring it. I'm going to go.

SPEAKER_03 0:42

In this week of study, one of the one of the areas we touched on was hospitality. And I know you've you've been through a lot of different hospitality cultures in your time in Turkey. So tell us about a time when you experienced kind of cross-like hospitality or something that built your faith or that just really touched you.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

Yeah. So there was two years that I was living in Sofia, Bulgaria. And this was not far after the fall of communism. So this was like kind of right out of college. For two years I served as a journeyman and was in Sofia, Bulgaria. And I was working with the youth and the students in the Bulgarian Baptist Church, and I was also teaching for this family. And so at one point, who actually did music ministry, you're a musician, you can appreciate that. So at one point we actually went on a trip to this town in the Black Sea, Varna, and we were staying in this, like, I don't even know what to call it, Paige, technically a hotel, but not great. And uh the family had we had tons of ministry to do. Well, I mean, I had been having like repeated bouts of strep throat since I got to Bulgaria. And so I was sick as a dog, and I really could not go out to minister with them. So they were gonna be gone the whole day. And I'm in this hotel where there's no food, and it's just incredibly uncomfortable. Well, there was another missionary family that lived in that town that knew we were gonna be there. Mom named Janelle, she's super busy, she had three kids that she was dealing with, and she was like, when she found out I was sick, and I've never met her before, but when she found out I was sick, she drove to pick me up. She brought me to her home. She was like, listen, it's gonna be crazy in the house, but I want you just to rest today. She put fresh sheets on her bed. She made her own bed. She put on the West Wing. I don't know if you remember that show. I do remember that. I binge watched for the first time in my life VHS recordings of the West Wing and was able to be in this clean bed. She brought me soup, she brought me hot tea with honey. She cared for me like a sister, like one of my sisters would have. Yeah. And just didn't know her. Like you didn't know. Yeah. And it was because of our shared bond in Christ. Yeah. Like you don't treat a stranger like that, but from her perspective, I'm not a stranger. I'm a sister in Christ. Today we're actually going to get to talk with Jeannie Cunyon. Oh, I love Jeannie. She's so dear. I know, she is. And she's also one of these like very thoughtful, reflective, contemplative women and writers and friends. Very insightful. Jeannie is an author. She's written two Bible studies, one called Mom Set Free, another called Never Alone. She also recently published a beautiful devotional called Closer to God. That's especially a right 40-day leading up to Easter, I think.

SPEAKER_03 3:39

Oh, it's a Lenten devotional.

SPEAKER_01 3:41

Just incredibly beautiful. And it even just that title, Closer to God, I think says a lot about Jeannie's heart. Like as you guys meet her, you're going to realize this is a woman who walks really closely with Jesus, who loves him so much. And I know that's going to be a dynamic of our conversation. So when we dive into our conversation with Jeannie, one of the passages we're going to be talking about is in Colossians. And so I'd like to read it so we all have it for context for our conversation with Jeannie. This is Colossians 3, and we're going to read verses 12 through 17. Therefore, as God's chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if anyone has a grievance against one another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive. Above all, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity, and let the peace of Christ, to which you were also called in one body, rule your hearts and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell richly among you in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another through psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Thank you for having me. Yeah. The passage we just read in Colossians is sort of like the Christian wardrobe passage. It's all of the things that we're called to put on if we are in Christ. So help us understand how those things that we put on are related to our friendships, connected to what we're talking about in this study about belonging and relating to one another as friends and sisters. What stood out to you as you studied this text, thinking about it through the lens of friendship?

SPEAKER_04 5:51

So it's interesting the language put on. Um as somebody who's prone to performing or trying to do things in my own strength, one of the first things I have to do is look at that and go, This isn't about me creating these characteristics and and adorning myself with them. This is about the manifestation of Christ in me producing that fruit through me and from me. Because when I try to create that in my friendships, it comes off as false and fake because that is that is um it's really just Christ in me who produces that fruit from me. And so I have to go back to Lord, Holy Spirit. Um I want to practice the way of Christ, but it's only through the Holy Spirit in me that I'm able to live in alignment with my identity as a daughter of Christ, and then be that kind of friend to somebody else.

SPEAKER_03 6:48

Right. Gentleness is hard all the time. Yes. On our own.

SPEAKER_01 6:51

Gentleness does not fit you well, Paice. No, I it's not your song.

SPEAKER_03 6:56

Let's bring a little more little more gentleness to the table.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Like you know those mornings where you put on something and you're like, oh man, this doesn't like this doesn't fit.

SPEAKER_03 7:04

Where is my gentleness outfit? I need it, I need to put it on. That that kind of thing. Yeah, it's hard to we we can't do it. If I just try to put it on myself, it's impossible.

SPEAKER_04 7:13

Or the way Christ puts it on for us, right? He puts on his righteousness on me. He puts on his holy. I mean, I love that the passage even begins with remember your identity as you then go try to live in alignment with it. Because your identity is chosen, your identity is loved. Your identity now in Christ is holy. And because that is your identity, now you are empowered by the Spirit to go live in the likeness of Christ, in relationship with others who are human, right? Like it's a human being trying to live in relationship with another human being, too flawed people who need Jesus, trying to live in relationship with one another, um, and to grow in the likeness of Christ through the relationship. How does that relationship sanctify us? Um and some relationships sanctify us more than others. They do, right? They do. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

I wonder one of the things when I think about those character traits, even just as I was sort of reflecting on this passage before we began talking, I realized I had had in my mind that things like gentleness, humility, patience, these are things that are helpful in any friendship, whether you're relating to a Christian or a non-Christian. Yeah. But that things like admonishing one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual psalms seems very specific to Christian dynamics. Yeah. But if these things, these fruits, these character traits, are ours because of our identity in Christ, they are supernatural and they are distinctive of all Christian friendships. Can you talk a little bit about that? About the different dynamics between friendship with a believer.

SPEAKER_04 8:55

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

What are your dynamics like in your friendships with believers and how might that be a little different from the friendships we have naturally with people who may not share our faith?

SPEAKER_04 9:05

For me, I find them to be radically different. Um having that bond in Christ for me truly does change everything. When I think about my deepest friendships, there is not a single face that comes to mind that is not somebody who loves Jesus and points me to Jesus in our friendship. Um I had a wonderful conversation with a friend yesterday, and I told her that we would be recording this episode, and I felt compelled to tell her that as I thought about the things we were going to be discussing, the Lord kept bringing her face to mind. And I just wanted to call her and encourage her and tell her that you model this for me well, that I learn about friendship through our relationship. And and one of the key characteristics to our friendship is um honesty, a willingness to speak truth in love, a willingness to call each other out when we're saying things that we know are not true of each other, when we're we're believing something that's not true or that's not something that Jesus has spoken over us. Um but then also a willingness to call each other out when um we need encouragement in the way we're thinking about our marriage or the way we're pursuing something that might not be what the Lord has called us to pursue. So there is a there's a um a conviction to my relationships with other Christian women that I don't have with other friendships that I think make them very uh real and very honest and very deep. Very deep. There's a depth to my my friendships with other Christian women that is unique. And I do think it's because we share a love for Jesus and we have um we know that there is a calling on our lives to live for him and not for ourselves. And that's always kind of part of the way we relate to one another. I'm deeply grateful for my sisters in Christ. I I just they're so essential to life and to pursuing Jesus and um they're just so essential. Community with other Christian believers is so essential. And we can't, you know, these characteristics that that we read, we can't do these in isolation. These are things that have to be done in relationship.

SPEAKER_01 11:39

That's right, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:40

So it's really a challenge to say if you're isolating, if you're not in community, how are you? You don't have to be gentle and patient if you're not in relationship with someone, right? Yeah. So these things are cultivated through relationships. So it really is a call to community and to engage with others. That's good. And then to do it all for he says at the end, ultimately, and to do it all for the glory of God. Right.

SPEAKER_02 12:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:01

And you just wouldn't have that base with someone who doesn't know Christ. That it's almost like a different language. They don't even speak a whole portion of the language that you speak. Yes. Or what you believe is a whole portion of your life that's not included, and that's hard to be in a deep relationship. Not that we don't have friends that don't know Christ, but but it's just a very, very different friendship.

SPEAKER_04 12:19

And those friends are dear to me and I love them very much. And I'm more aware in those relationships of if if I'm the only person they are going to encounter today that gives them a thought about who Jesus is, I I take that seriously.

SPEAKER_02 12:37

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 12:38

Like I want my relationships with people who don't follow Jesus to make them curious. I want them to be curious, whether it's the gentleman who checks me out at the deli or it's just another mom from school who's our kids are great friends, but um we don't share the same faith. I just want our family and our faith to make people curious about Jesus. And we don't do that through trying to be perfect for people. Yeah, we do that through being honest about the things that we struggle with and the forgiveness that we find in Christ every day.

SPEAKER_02 13:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:13

Right? We're not we're not trying to be perfect examples, we're trying to practice the way of Jesus and being honest about the ways that we need his forgiveness and his mercy and his grace every day. And I hope that makes people curious about him.

SPEAKER_03 13:27

Sure it does. And speaking of Jesus and being with Christ every day, like just on a a different level, how have you experienced him as friend in in life, day to day? Like what's an example of how you experienced him as your friend? He's so loyal.

SPEAKER_04 13:42

Um I recently walked through a season of grief. Probably some of the most profound grief I've ever experienced in my 50 years. Yeah. And I found Jesus to be so loyal. In in that suffering and in that pain, um, his presence was truly profound. Yeah. Um and uh gentle and non-judgmental. Um and I I hope that people know that Jesus.

SPEAKER_03 14:21

Um right? That's the best kind of friend to have, like what you just said, loyal and non-judgmental and just thereby you're saved.

SPEAKER_04 14:29

His love is so safe. Like I to be able to relax in the safety of his love, um, knowing that he's it's it's not like a a safety of I can just be whoever I want to be and the Lord will leave me like that. It's more of I know I can come to him as I am. There's a safety in that, knowing that he um loves me too much to leave me there. Um but he is he is truly the greatest friend one could ever have.

SPEAKER_01 15:00

I want to ask you, Jeannie, because I know um that your family has been in a season of transition. So loyalty, when I think of that quality, it's one of those things that develops over time. So the people I'm loyal to are usually the people I have a lot of history with.

SPEAKER_02 15:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:15

And so I know you've cultivated a lot of friendships in one community, and this last year your family has had to move. Yes. And that puts you in a position of needing to form new friendships.

SPEAKER_02 15:26

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 15:28

Help us uh walk us through a little bit what it looks like to re-establish friendships in a new community. How do how are you loyal to the friend, the friends that you've ha you are now distant from in a way you weren't before? Yeah. Where you are very present. Tell us a little bit about some of what you're you've been thinking through and learning through this transition.

SPEAKER_04 15:48

I am I'm am learning. Yeah, we just left a community we were in for about 22 years. So the same church family for 22 years. There were six couples that were very, very close. We did so much life together, and I will tell you the most significant part. So many people have asked me about those relationships and why I've grieved them so much. And I think a big part of it is because we lived on mission. Those six couples, it wasn't just enjoying each other's company on Friday nights. It was trips to Haiti. It was um serving dinner at the um food bank once a month together. So there was like real intentionality and purpose that fueled those friendships. It wasn't just about enjoying each other's company, although we did that really well. Um, but we did very intentional, gospel-driven things together. And I think that was the real secret sauce to our friendship, to our six couples being so close and dedicated to one another.

SPEAKER_03 16:51

That's rare.

SPEAKER_04 16:51

It was really rare and really beautiful. Um, and we are so grateful for the new friendships that are forming here, but I am reminded that it is going to take significant intentionality. So for people who feel lonely or isolated, there is a real intentionality that is required to build these relationships. And I can either kind of sit in the, hey, I'm just gonna take a long walk and call my friend from Connecticut, or I'm gonna call a new friend and say, Hey, do you want to take a walk today? And to start to develop those relationships. And um, I'm so grateful we found a church here. And so just yesterday I filled out the serving form, right? And I'm gonna help people find seats on Sunday morning. Okay. But that's how I'm gonna make friends. I'm gonna go help people find seats. So getting out of your comfort zone and being super intentional is required when you feel lonely or new or unseen.

SPEAKER_03 17:51

And when you don't feel like it. You may not feel like being intentional showing people what's your life. Yeah, but you didn't you have to be you have to be intentional. That's such a good word.

SPEAKER_04 17:59

A friend had such a good word for me when we moved. She said, Jeannie, you need to be you need to be willing to ask the Lord, who do you want me to love here? Who do you want me to serve here? So I think we can go into relationships or communities or our churches with what am I getting? Who am I gonna meet? Who's gonna like me? Who's gonna write? And she challenged me to go, okay, walk into your new church and say, Who can I serve here? What gifts can I bring into this new place? And I think if we can think about it that way, it I don't know, it might give us a little more courage to um to change our perspective, to get uncomfortable and to uh uh do that thing where we I might get rejected or I might not be welcome, but that doesn't change my identity. I mean, I think identity in Christ is so crucial to this conversation. If our identities are truly deeply anchored in Christ, it it changes how we engage with people. It changes how we interact with people. If I know, if I know that I know that I know who I am in him and who he says I am, there's more freedom to be in relationship and friendship and risk things that we might not risk if our identity is shaky or if it's rooted in being accepted or being welcomed to certain things in certain groups.

SPEAKER_03 19:21

I love that. Will you flesh that out? Flesh that out for those that are listening.

SPEAKER_04 19:26

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 19:26

As it was an example of that. Like I love that, and I'm and I agree with you.

SPEAKER_04 19:29

But would give us a I think just I mean, I guess I think it's about our new season here and putting myself um walking into spaces where everybody's known each other for years and I show up alone and I can go in with questions about am I going to be rejected, what are they going to think of me, how are they going to receive me and be so caught up in what I would natural my my mind would naturally tend to do, right? But instead, it's I I know who you say I am and I know what you've I know what you've gifted in me and I know what I can bring. And so I walk into a space, is it somebody I I knew a long time ago? And it it sounds cliche, but I think it's I think it's important. And she said, if you can walk into a space going, I'm not here to impress people, I'm here to bless people.

SPEAKER_01 20:17

Ooh. I like that.

SPEAKER_04 20:18

That's good, right?

SPEAKER_01 20:20

I'm not here to impress people. I'm here to impress.

SPEAKER_04 20:22

I'm there to bless people. She said, Bless, not impress. Go into spaces to bless, not impress. And that's really to go in and say, I want, I want to carry the love of Jesus with me. I don't want you thinking about other things other than you feel more loved by Jesus. So maybe that's an example of when my identity is rooted in Christ. I am free to go in saying, I just want to be here and be a blessing to you, instead of I want to impress you with with various, you know, things that I might bring to um the group.

SPEAKER_03 20:53

I'm so glad you said that, because that's what we all need to hear. We were talking about, you know, we've been talking about going being courageous and stepping into these spaces and people that don't have friends to make new friends, whether you're in a new situation, a new city, or not, like you just feel lonely, you've been isolated. How to how do I connect? I love that. And that's why I wanted you to flush it because I know you'd have a good example of our own. I had forgotten about that.

SPEAKER_04 21:16

I had forgotten about that conversation with her, and it it's it's a good reminder for me, even now in this season, to just occupy these new spaces with a desire to bless people.

SPEAKER_03 21:24

Because let's be honest, we so want to impress, we so want people to like us, you know. And Jesus is like, I like you. We want to be liked. Yeah, we want to be liked, and that's normal. Like it's human nature, but to go, we're we were already so loved and so chosen, and we can walk in that in confidence. Yes, in godly confidence. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:41

I want to ask you a practical question.

SPEAKER_03 21:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 21:44

Just because I wonder about how to do this well, genuinely. I hope I have a good answer. You will. Yeah. In Colossians 3, Paul tells us that we should let the word of Christ richly dwell among us, among you, in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another through psalms, hymns, and spiritual. Singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And I have often wondered, Lord, how do I do this well in my friendships without feeling like coming across as self-righteous or holier than thou? How do we do that well in our Christian friendships?

SPEAKER_04 22:15

When you are in relationship with people who do let the word of Christ dwell richly in them, it is it is just a natural part of the conversation. It is just the way it is the way I I don't know that I don't know that we would know how to communicate without that. So I think when friendships are rooted in Christ, that is the natural overflow of the conversation. And if it's not, I think that's where we should be more curious. That's where the that's where maybe the practicality of it comes is if we are sisters in Christ, or if we are pursuing Jesus together, is that evident in our text? Is that evident in our conversations? Can she, in the middle of a conversation, say, Hey, let's just pray about that right now?

SPEAKER_02 23:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:02

Right? Or a friend who I took a walk with the other day who said, Hey, I need to, I need to say something about what you just said. Like, that's not true. And it's not honoring of maybe the husband that you're talking about. Yeah. Right? So having it's so my challenge would be if that isn't, if we aren't doing this, if there isn't the no, we're not singing hymns over each other, although my friend Paula and I do leave hymns. We're like, we'll leave a little sandy patty hymn for each other. Um, but if we're not doing that, I think that's the challenge, is then it might be an invitation to let the word of Christ dwell more richly in you and in your relationship so that your relationship is ultimately drawing you each closer to Jesus. So good. Amen.

SPEAKER_01 23:52

If there's one thing you want women to remember about how to compassionately care for one another as sisters in Christ, what would it be?

SPEAKER_04 23:59

To remember the way that Jesus compassionately cares for you. The compassion, his mercy, his compassion is new every morning. And so as I remember his compassion for me, I am enabled by the Spirit to show compassion to others. And if I wasn't, it would not be pretty. If there is any good in me, it is because of the goodness that Christ has shown me and the way that he outworks that in my life.

SPEAKER_01 24:30

Oh my god. I'm convicted. Same.

unknown 24:35

Thank you, Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 24:35

And I wish I could be a friend in the way that Judy is a friend. I love that. I love her heart for the Lord.

SPEAKER_03 24:41

She truly does live that out. She's walking with Jesus so closely. Not that I'm not, but I'm not so near. You know, but she's she really embodies that. Like she's 100% doing that.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 24:52

And I love her and it shows.

SPEAKER_01 24:55

You know, I loved what she shared about those six friends that were so dear to them for so long. And the way that those friendships were grounded on really grew out of their shared mission, being doing things together that were service-oriented in a lot of ways, and in a lot of different contexts. I know my husband and I experienced that a lot for about 19 years we served overseas. And even now, like some of the people that aren't a part of our day-to-day life now, but man, when they come to town, they're they'd better stay with us because we're gonna catch up. Like we've got all this shared history, and they're often there people that we would never have been friends with without that shared common purpose of mission. Like we don't really have anything in common, but what we have in common is like our ultimate pursuit of Christ and our willingness to go wherever he called us, which, you know, for us meant Central Asia a huge cross-cultural shift. And so we did that together. It's really bonding. But I know that even happens here when you have a shared, you know, a lot of times we think about friendships being around like shared interests. Yes. But there's nothing like a shared purpose.

SPEAKER_03 26:05

Right.

SPEAKER_01 26:05

And that really helped me to think around Christian friendships as a shared purpose. That's good. C. S. Lewis wrote this great book called The Four Loves. And in it he talks about the fact that like Eros, the love between a man and a woman, is very like, I'm looking at you, like I can't stop gazing at you. But the kind of love that we have in friendship is a side-by-side, like we're fascinated by this thing.

SPEAKER_03 26:29

I love it.

SPEAKER_01 26:30

And I think that's what Jeannie was getting at. This shared purpose, this shared mission is so powerful. Yeah, running together in the same direction. That is what pursuit of Jesus looks like.

SPEAKER_03 26:40

And then you're not worried about, oh, do they like me? You know, you're just going and doing something for the kingdom, and you're not worried about.

SPEAKER_01 26:46

That's right.

SPEAKER_03 26:47

You're just you're on purpose, and that really does kind of let the rest of that fall away. And you can we don't worry about ourselves as much when we're doing that. It's less self-focused.

SPEAKER_01 26:55

It's so good. So next week, next episode, we get to get back together to talk about the hard stuff.

SPEAKER_03 27:03

Tell me.

SPEAKER_01 27:04

Things like betrayal, conflict, toxicity, resolution, forgiveness.

SPEAKER_03 27:09

I love it.

SPEAKER_01 27:09

Really? You're I hate it. I love it. We're a good team.

SPEAKER_03 27:13

That's what I'm doing with as my as my friend Kay, who's a wonderful counselor, says, I love a wound. Let's go. Like, let's go.

SPEAKER_01 27:19

No, please keep me from all the wounds.

SPEAKER_03 27:20

Yeah, just to go help someone, but to just try to help someone with healing is what I love.

SPEAKER_01 27:26

So we get to talk with our friend Michelle Hicks about these hard things next week. So, y'all, if you haven't gotten your Friends and Sisters Bible study book, it is time. It's time um in the show notes. You can find information about that. And Paige and I are gonna look forward to seeing you next episode right back. See you then.

SPEAKER_00 27:45

Thank you for listening to the Friends and Sisters podcast. Executive Producers Tina Bosch and Angie Elkins. Producer Chelsea Walk. Engineer Donnie Gordon, edited by Caleb Hoopingarner, art by Chelsea Walk and Shila Sheffelbeen. Photography, Emily Bergeron, content editor, Laura Magnus. For a deeper dive, check out the Friends and Sisters Bible study book that accompanies this podcast, linked in the show notes. Your hosts are Tina Bosch and Paige Keaton, recorded at the Lifeway Podcast Studio in Brentwood, Tennessee.