What Parents Wish Coaches Knew About Coaching Volleyball | Dina Snook - Ep. 8

What do parents really want from coaches?

In this episode of the Coach Chijo Podcast, Coach Chijo sits down with Dina Snook, former volleyball player, volleyball parent, and Coach Chijo Operations Manager, to discuss the coach-parent-player relationship from a perspective many coaches rarely hear.

Dina shares her experiences raising athletes through years of club and college volleyball, what parents notice from the sidelines, and how coaches can build stronger relationships with both players and families.

Topics include:

•  Why positive coaching matters 
•  Helping athletes recover from mistakes 
•  The difference between correction and criticism 
•  Why players shouldn't compete in fear 
•  Understanding different athlete personalities 
•  How parents and coaches can work together 
•  Why communication builds trust 
•  Open practices vs. closed practices 
•  When athletes want to quit and how parents should respond 
•  Creating a better experience for players and families 

Whether you're a coach, parent, or athlete, this conversation offers valuable insight into building healthier team environments and helping players reach their potential.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

What's up, everybody? Welcome to the Coach Chijo podcast. Real conversations about volleyball, coaching, growth, and the journey behind it all. So let's get into it. Just go. Welcome to today's episode. So I'm Coach Chijo and I'm here with Dina. Yep. Dina actually happens to be my operations manager because I can't do all this stuff all by myself and I'm not smart enough to do everything on my own. So a little bit of background. And you played volleyball.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

I did play volleyball a lot. A long time ago, yes.

SPEAKER_03 0:36

But you played a lot.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

Yes, I did play a lot.

SPEAKER_03 0:38

You you played when you were youth, you played in college.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 0:42

And then on top of that, you have two daughters that also played all the way through to college.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

Correct.

SPEAKER_03 0:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 0:48

And one I coached when she was little little.

SPEAKER_00 0:50

Yes, which is how I met you.

SPEAKER_03 0:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 0:53

So I wanted to get a parent's perspective on a couple things.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 0:56

Okay, because there's a lot of coaches that are afraid to hear what parents are thinking.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:03

Like what are they thinking based on like how much I'm playing their kids on playing time and position and stuff.

SPEAKER_01 1:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:11

Right? So, okay, first, were there any times when either one of your daughters was playing and you were questioning one of the coach's decisions?

SPEAKER_00 1:22

Um, I don't know about decisions necessarily, um, but I did question like the coaching style.

SPEAKER_03 1:31

Okay, coaching style. Yes. Okay, so everybody has a different coaching style. I know that over the time I've been coaching, I have not pleased everybody. I've actually pissed some people off.

SPEAKER_01 1:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:44

Big time.

SPEAKER_01 1:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:46

Right?

SPEAKER_01 1:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:47

So what how do you want your coach to be for your daughter? Like if you can go back through the whole process again, what kind of coach do you want for your kids?

SPEAKER_00 1:57

I think in one word, it would be positive.

SPEAKER_03 2:00

Positive.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

Positive. Yeah. Because I mean, as a parent, it's hard to watch your kid be yelled at, screamed at, belittled, you know, like really accentuating their mistakes. And I don't think that's good for the kids either. It's not making them better.

SPEAKER_03 2:16

No, it's not good.

SPEAKER_00 2:17

It's making them play in fear, if anything. So yeah, one word that I think, and I do realize all kids are different.

SPEAKER_02 2:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:25

And everyone can take different coaching styles. Um, and one of my kids was a little bit tougher than the other, I would say. But yeah, as a parent, that's that would be my biggest thing is just positive. So they can have it's supposed to be fun.

SPEAKER_03 2:40

It's a game.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

It's a game and it's supposed to be fun. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:42

It's a round ball or hitting around.

SPEAKER_00 2:45

Right.

SPEAKER_03 2:45

That's all it is, right? Yep. Even if it's competitive club or college or upper level.

SPEAKER_01 2:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:52

Right? Okay. So positive. So you don't want a coach, like if I'm a coach for your daughter, you don't want me to just complain about her mistakes all the time.

SPEAKER_02 3:03

Right.

SPEAKER_03 3:03

Okay, so what I mean, you're you were a volleyball player. Yeah. Okay, so you've made mistakes and screwed up because volleyball is a game of mistakes.

SPEAKER_00 3:11

Totally.

SPEAKER_03 3:11

Like, can you describe it a little bit? Like if one of your daughters makes a hitting error in an ideal world, what does your coach do right after?

SPEAKER_00 3:19

I think corrective criticism is okay.

SPEAKER_03 3:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:22

You know, so yeah, you're gonna make mistakes. And yes, your job as a coach is to coach them how to not make those mistakes in the future, but something that they can actually like take with them to improve for next time, as opposed to, you know, yelling, pulling them out, what were you thinking? Why did you do that? What's like is that a rhetorical question? Because clearly they didn't mean to do that, you know. That was that's my biggest pet peeve is why'd you do that? It's like I didn't I didn't mean to shank the ball.

SPEAKER_03 3:50

That's kind of a dumb question.

SPEAKER_00 3:51

It's a dumb question, and how are they supposed to answer it?

SPEAKER_03 3:54

Well, yeah, as a coach, if I'm thinking about it, have I ever said that? I hope not, because it's a really dumb question. Yeah, it's not like your players intentionally thinking, oh, I'm gonna go make a mistake and give the other team a point.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

Right.

SPEAKER_03 4:06

Nobody does that.

SPEAKER_02 4:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:07

Right? Yeah. Everybody wants to be part of the team.

SPEAKER_02 4:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:10

Okay. So that makes sense. Yeah. So something to take away. So I think a lot of coaches, and I've probably done this early, especially early on in my coaching career, where it's just in the moment and it's all about frustration or competitiveness or heated rally or game or third set, and it's like 16 all.

SPEAKER_01 4:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:31

Right? But you brought up a thing where you want your daughter, your player, your athlete to go away with something from the communication from the coach that they can use later. Yeah. Maybe over and over.

SPEAKER_00 4:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:46

Well, and even in the moment, I mean, those intense moments, they're not going to play good if they're playing in fear. So you have to find a way in that moment, even though you might not be doing everything perfect, but it's kind of like a mini cheerleader, a little bit of a rallier, you know, like keep them uplifted, keep them going, keep them just going, instead of getting in their own head and being like, I hope it doesn't come to me. I don't want to make the mistake for game point, any of that.

SPEAKER_03 5:12

Okay. So how do I know? I mean, you have two daughters, two athletes. Yeah. They're not identical. They're not twins, they're different. Right. How am I supposed to know as a coach how to deal with each one of them? Like, let's say both of them are on my team along with 10 others that are also all different with different parents.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

Yeah. I think like it might take a while. I think in the beginning of the season, it's probably pretty tough because you don't know them. But like, I think if I were to sit and like ask you about one of your most recent teams, like you would probably know. You would probably know the kids that can handle being pushed a little bit more, the kids that are a little bit more sensitive, that you have to, you know, watch the words that come out of your mouth a little bit more. And also, I think it's okay to ask. Like, I think it's okay for a coach to like at the beginning of the season, like have a little mini sit-down and say, like, what is your coaching style? What motivates you? How can I help you improve?

SPEAKER_03 6:08

Okay, is this a meeting with the player or the parent both?

SPEAKER_02 6:12

The player.

SPEAKER_03 6:12

Like, would you want a coach to ask you as a parent? What would you feel? Like, coach comes up to you and goes, let's talk about this a little bit. I've never met your kids before. They may try outs and I don't know how to, well, not don't know how. Maybe I just want to know that I am coaching the best way I can for them to get the most out of them.

SPEAKER_00 6:35

I actually think that'd be awesome. Not a single coach has ever done that. I don't know if you've known a coach that's done that, but you're right, because the parents do know their kids better than anyone. And you think back to like school, like teachers do that a lot, you know, especially more with like the younger ones, usually, but they'll send them questionnaires like, tell me about your child. Tell, you know, like, I don't know, maybe, maybe you're onto something.

SPEAKER_03 6:58

Because I I ask parents, and sometimes I think it kind of throws them off a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:04

It's like, what you're actually you want my input.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:08

But I always say this at the beginning, like in my team meetings where there's parents and players, I say there's there's two sides to this training. There's my part where I'm teaching the volleyball part, but you know your daughters way better than I do. So I want to take advantage of the stuff that you guys do as parents really well. And then in the same way, I want you to respect what I do on the coaching side, and we got to work together. And I kind of say, you know, you got to stay in your own lane.

SPEAKER_02 7:39

Yes. Right?

SPEAKER_03 7:40

Parents don't coach.

SPEAKER_02 7:41

Right.

SPEAKER_03 7:42

Coaches don't be parents.

SPEAKER_02 7:43

Right.

SPEAKER_03 7:44

I get it. And I I kind of explain it that way. Because sometimes I never know, you know, kids like not going after the balls is quickly or fatigued or something, and I'm going, what's going on? Yeah. There's got to be other stuff going on outside of volleyball because I only see them a few hours a week.

SPEAKER_02 8:01

Right.

SPEAKER_03 8:01

Right?

SPEAKER_02 8:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:02

Okay. So you would appreciate it if they appreciate it if they asked you.

SPEAKER_00 8:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:06

You wouldn't think it's like shocker.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

No. I mean, I probably would be shocked because that's never happened in all the years of well, three kids playing now. Um, so I think I'd be a little bit surprised, but I think it's smart.

SPEAKER_03 8:20

Okay. Did I not do that when I was coaching your daughter?

SPEAKER_00 8:24

I don't, I mean, I grow a really long time ago.

SPEAKER_03 8:27

It's a long time ago.

SPEAKER_00 8:28

So I don't really remember.

SPEAKER_03 8:30

I I think I do it more now than I did before.

SPEAKER_00 8:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:34

Like I'm more aware of trying to bring the parents in more than before.

SPEAKER_01 8:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:40

Because I I've really upset some parents before. And I don't know why.

SPEAKER_01 8:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:46

Because I think I'm doing the right thing and then they it doesn't fit their, I don't know how they bring up their kids. And I had no idea.

SPEAKER_00 8:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:55

Oh, yeah. I have plenty of upset parents with me.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 8:59

And I still don't know why.

SPEAKER_00 9:00

There's a lot of upset parents in the sports world, I feel like.

SPEAKER_03 9:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:04

Even times when the player says she wants to stay on the team, the parent is telling the kid, no, you're gonna quit.

SPEAKER_01 9:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:13

You're not playing for him anymore, and takes them and quits them in the middle of the season.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:18

And I don't get it. The kid's pleading to stay.

SPEAKER_00 9:20

And what is that teaching the kid?

SPEAKER_03 9:22

Yeah, I don't I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 9:23

I mean, I've had we've had opposite where our kids have wanted to quit in the middle of the season.

SPEAKER_03 9:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

And I'm like, no. Like you signed up for something, you committed to something, and you're gonna see it through.

SPEAKER_03 9:34

Yeah, but what if they really hate it?

SPEAKER_00 9:36

I think that there, I mean, there's a moment in time where they might hate it. Like I've definitely had come home in tears and I hate it. But it's usually like temporary, you know, it it was a bad practice, something bad happened that day, or the interaction was bad, whatever. But you know, most of the time I found you work through it and it ends up. I think if you asked any of them right now, like, do you wish you would have quit? Do you wish I would have let you quit? Or are you glad that I had you push through? I think all of them would say, I'm glad you had me pushed through.

SPEAKER_03 10:09

Okay. Well, I mean, I know your kids and they're dedicated.

SPEAKER_00 10:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:12

And they're not quitters.

SPEAKER_00 10:14

No, but there's times where they wanted to.

SPEAKER_03 10:16

Probably a lot of kids have felt like that at some point.

SPEAKER_00 10:19

There's lots of tears. But I think that's why, like, I think that's why volleyball, well, sports in general are just so good for kids. It's just, it's the replica of like real life situations.

SPEAKER_03 10:29

At a young age, hopefully in a safe environment where it's not a job where your livelihood is counting on it.

SPEAKER_02 10:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:37

Right? And it's like a season, it's not a forever thing.

SPEAKER_02 10:41

Right.

SPEAKER_03 10:41

Yeah. Okay. So there's going to be coaches listening to this or watching this. I think what would be helpful if coaches really understood how to understand the players that they have on their teams.

SPEAKER_01 10:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:54

What would be the best way? Would it be in a public team meeting where I as a coach tell all the parents, like, at some point, you know, can you help me out to better understand your child? Or set up like one-on-one so it's private, and you go, just fill me in on what your kid is like, or is it a questionnaire?

SPEAKER_00 11:18

I mean, one-on-one I think would be ideal, but I also recognize like coaches might not have the time to do one-on-one meetings, you know. So I think a questionnaire is a super easy way to do it.

SPEAKER_03 11:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

And, you know, read it at your own time. And I think if you have like follow-up questions, it you could reach out. But I think that in itself will just tell you it if you ask the right questions, right? Well, that's it. I mean, it's almost like those like personality quizzes you take, you know? So you'd have to ask the right questions to be able to understand what motivates their kid. But I think that'd be useful and helpful.

SPEAKER_03 11:53

See, it's like how I always say, you don't know what you don't know. If a coach wasn't even intending to recognize the fact that they can get more from the parent, how are they gonna know what to ask? Right?

SPEAKER_00 12:05

That is true. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:06

So maybe it's just simple, like, can I ask you uh in a questionnaire stuff like things that come to mind are things like, how are they driven towards goals?

SPEAKER_02 12:16

Right.

SPEAKER_03 12:16

Do they are they self-initiators and just go no matter what, whether they're yelled at or not, or do they need a little more guidance and you know, like propping up?

SPEAKER_00 12:27

Right.

SPEAKER_03 12:28

Stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00 12:28

Yeah, are they self-motivated? I mean, you could do like even on a scale, you know, zero to five.

SPEAKER_03 12:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

How do you say they are self-motivated? Or are they doing this for fun? Or are they the kid that's practicing in the house all day long?

SPEAKER_03 12:43

Why are they playing?

SPEAKER_00 12:44

Why are they playing? What is like some questions to maybe determine like their work ethic, and then maybe some questions based on like uh I don't know. I think sensitivity, especially for girls in sports, is a big one.

SPEAKER_03 12:59

Sensitivity. Yeah, yeah, I know. That's different coaching girls.

SPEAKER_00 13:03

Right.

SPEAKER_03 13:04

Um, I have two boys, but still I have dealt with more girls in my life coaching girls volleyball than boys.

SPEAKER_02 13:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:14

So it's like I almost have a harder time figuring out my own sons.

SPEAKER_02 13:18

Right.

SPEAKER_03 13:19

I hope they never see this, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 13:23

I mean Well, they just don't share as much either. They just they're not as open as girls, you know?

SPEAKER_03 13:27

Yeah. Yeah. Not all, but a lot of girls wear their emotions out on their sleeves. Right? It just comes out. Yep. Okay. So one time I had this parent call me up and said, I picked up my kid from practice and she was crying on the way home. So I said, Okay, let me just ask you a question first. Can you just go to her right now and ask her, does she want to come back to the next practice? And the mom came back and said, She absolutely wants to come back. So I said, Then what's the problem? Was I literally, I think, what I said. I probably should have put a little more into it. Yeah. But I think later we talked, it's like, my practices are intense.

SPEAKER_02 14:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:06

Right? But if she wants to come back, then maybe that intensity is okay with that player.

SPEAKER_02 14:11

Right.

SPEAKER_03 14:12

But if the player's like, I don't want to come back, then it's not okay. But how do like I don't know how I'm gonna adjust the practice, right? I gotta run it at a certain intensity.

SPEAKER_00 14:21

Yeah, but in that case, I almost feel like maybe those tears are more like frustration with herself than it is necessarily with like you or your coaching style or how you're running the practice. You know, I can't tell you how many times the girls will get in the car and cry because I played so bad today, you know, I only passed this or I missed this many serves, or but the tears were like a disappointment in themselves.

SPEAKER_03 14:47

Okay, so they're they're not mad at the coach.

SPEAKER_00 14:49

Right.

SPEAKER_03 14:50

Or upset because the coach did something.

SPEAKER_02 14:52

Right.

SPEAKER_03 14:53

So if a player's emotional like at the next practice, coaches can't assume that it's something that I did as a coach.

SPEAKER_02 15:00

Right.

SPEAKER_03 15:00

So we just have to be open to it being a lot of different as you've probably figured out with girls. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:09

So that's when it's probably a good idea to ask a parent.

SPEAKER_00 15:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:13

Right?

SPEAKER_01 15:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:14

Which is what I'm I've done more and more as I've coached more. So I'll just describe what the player was like in practice. Uh seems a little bit different than usual. Can you help me out? Is there anything else going on? And parents usually open up to me.

SPEAKER_01 15:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:29

Because they appreciate, right? Right. Do you appreciate like I'm asking you your thoughts and input?

SPEAKER_01 15:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:37

And then that kind of helps me deal with whatever the players may be dealing with outside of practice. Right. Okay. So I think that's what hopefully more coaches are gonna do.

SPEAKER_01 15:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:49

Right? I hope so. Because I think I'm just guessing, well, I have I also have my kids in sports too. But I'm guessing parents, when they don't know what's happening, that's when they start thinking up of all kinds of things on their own. And that's when maybe problems happen.

SPEAKER_00 16:07

Yeah. Or they're only hearing one side of it, you know.

SPEAKER_03 16:10

One side of it.

SPEAKER_00 16:11

There's a lot of times, when I'm trying to think, if it was even like that with you, I don't think so. But you know, certain teams they've been on, they've had like close practices.

SPEAKER_03 16:20

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 16:21

Yeah. And so I think that's really tricky because as a parent, you know that there's always two sides to the story. Always. But if you're only getting one side, it just like kind of puts the parent in a tricky situation because it's like you don't want to be that parent that's like reaching out to the coach about every little thing. But when you're not seeing it with your own eyes, I mean, if if you were able to like watch a practice, I think most parents would be able to like see the big picture about what's really going on and help their kid like work through that. But when they don't see it and they're just hearing one thing, and we know that kids can kind of exaggerate.

SPEAKER_03 16:57

Or embellish. But still, I mean it's not like they're doing it on purpose, it's just one part of the story. Okay. So I hate close practices. I think that's the biggest mistake any club or coach can ever do.

SPEAKER_01 17:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:11

Because now they're in the, they're they're not in the know. They're they're completely separated from whatever's happening, and they're just gonna keep wondering what is the coach doing.

SPEAKER_02 17:22

Right.

SPEAKER_03 17:23

And I think it's helpful for the parents to see, because I again I need the parents' support to train the kid.

SPEAKER_01 17:30

Yep. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:31

Right? Because I say, well, I'm gonna coach, it's gonna be intense practice, but when they're a little bit off, it I'm gonna let you be the it's okay, honey, and hugger or whatever, do all that parenty stuff.

SPEAKER_01 17:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:42

Because I'm not gonna do that. Yeah. And then also, maybe this is a confidence thing with coaches, but I like to make sure parents have access to the practice because then I know that I'm accountable for what I'm saying and I'm accountable for how I'm behaving too.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 17:59

Because everybody's watching me.

SPEAKER_00 18:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:01

Yeah. And I think that would also help a lot of coaches who struggle with that.

SPEAKER_03 18:07

Yeah. Okay. Well, this is a good talk.

SPEAKER_00 18:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:11

Appreciate it.

SPEAKER_02 18:12

Of course.

SPEAKER_03 18:13

Behind the scenes from a parent's perspective, and for coaches to know that they can go to the parents and actually work together with them, right? Right. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 18:24

Cool.

SPEAKER_03 18:24

All right. Okay. Thanks.

SPEAKER_02 18:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:28

Appreciate you being here today. Keep learning. Keep growing. And remember, let's play volleyball because it's fun. And we'll see you in the next episode. Just go.