BONUS: Skee-Lo Riders

In 1997, after breaking down on the way back from Camden Yards in Baltimore (Yes, the RedSox were in town)...  three of us college buds nearly met Skee-Lo.

We wish we were a little bit smarter... shoulda got a bus charter

It's EEKshow Time

Transcript

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Bonus bonus B O N U S Fucking Sunob episode Bonus Soonob That's fucking bonus backwards I've got a bonus quick story for you for the Eek Show fucking land the Eek Show audience standing at attention saluting This is a fucking Congress One day all the Eek Show listeners will be in one auditorium saluting Not me not me but the culture that is Eek Show It's a utopian fucking land of fucking dreams and fucking just snacks everywhere everything you could think of Crunch and munch fiddle faddle fucking poppycock They're all the same snack They're all the similar same fucking caramel popcorn and peanuts but all fucking differently branded and fucking advertised one's in a yellow box one's in a fucking red cylinder fucking with a cover and fucking crunch and munch I don't even remember maybe fucking yellow and red all three of them are fucking delicious you eat that shit and you're just dying of thirst just salt and fucking sugar can't even breathe when you eat a fucking box of it and oh yeah yeah I've sat there and eaten a whole fucking box and I'll do it again I'll do it again the other day I had lunch I made myself a fucking boar's head it's funny how boars head too had that whole thing where they had salmonella or some sort of fucking meat shit poisoning you know it comes out and nobody buys it it's off the market everybody's scared to death and then they just say oh it's gone we're good again everything's fine shit selling out every fucking day boar's head flying off the shelves like fucking cash I don't know what else is guaranteed to sell people are guaranteed to take money out of the bank that's the best fucking comparison I could come up with on short notice so this is a bonus episode back to my story the sandwich I make the sandwich I had bought not funions funyuns make your breath smell like you've literally been swimming in fucking raw sewage I've been swimming in raw sewage and I love it I love it a naked gun two and a half uh I bought the wise wise makes fucking crunchy potato chips all different flavors and they have a bag of fucking onion rings they're called O-rings or whatever the fuck they are I'm sure they're not it's just processed powder that's made into a fried fucking like it's not a pork rind but it's an onion pork rind it's an onion rind and they're just perfectly fucking fried where they're just like they're wispy and fucking crispy and crunchy and light I don't know how to explain them other than they're like funy's but not quite as fucking drudging you know they don't give your throat some sort of toxic acidity but it's a full bag of them and I ate the whole fucking bag. It wasn't a 20 ounce bag or one of those small ones like a you know those little tiny Frito bags where you feel like you're fucking I don't know you feel like you're a fucking child in the fucking in a parade and you get some little bag of Fritos there's like fucking six of them in there. I don't want six I want six thousand I ate the whole fucking bag the size it's a full size bag of like standard chips I ate the fucking whole bag of onion rings in one sitting at lunch worked out worked came upstairs for some lunch had a delicious sandwich tomato lettuce little fucking spicy mustard some fucking boar's head chicken breast Everose I believe it was fucking delightful the bread was soft and I fucking crushed a whole bag of wise onion rings and you know what I'm okay with it I didn't get sick I didn't have a heart attack I ate the whole fucking bag and I'll do the same with all three brands of fucking nutty fucking comel popcorn so the bonus episode is a quick story I lived in Virginia for one year after college I lived in a fucking home I've mentioned it or if I haven't it was cheap as fuck we had a foosball table downstairs I had great roommates one of them was a fraternity brother from college who lived with his girlfriend downstairs money part of the house everybody else lived in rooms I lived in the fucking dining room with the fireplace with no doors just like my fucking trailer life repeating itself life repeating itself I got a cat life repeating itself that's a cat's name was Fenster after the usual suspects unreal cat after I fucking left there and moved back to Boston lived in fucking Alston and Brighton if you know the cities if you don't you should just out of sight of Fenway Park Yahweh up to Yaqui Way and get a catch of socks tonight get some sausages to fucking Fenway the sausage guy he's one of my friends I know him I know him he makes the sausages I don't give a fuck if he's your friend I want a fucking free sausage then he'll be my friend okay you wanna be my friend give me free shit sausages at fucking Fenway when you're fucking younger and you've been ripping some drinks or some beers sauteed onions and fucking peppers and they just oily melt into the bottom of the fucking roll and you get this big fucking probably not officially fully cooked sausage and you just you're wailing away at it not thinking like there might be live fucking maggots in my fucking sausage right now because the sausage guy is a fucking townie drunk just trying to make money five bucks a pop he's probably not fully paying attention to cooking these at the right temperature constantly over the seven hours he's there next to Fenway sausage guy he's my fucking buddy bonus episode I lived in Virginia right after college for a year fucking shit ass job junior analyst at a company I will not name drop I won't do it but it was in fucking Crystal City sounds fucking like high end doesn't it job fucking sucked ass sucked ass worked with some great people met some good friends great year fun as fucking shit living in a fucking dining room with a fireplace I had plenty of room to fucking learn how to break dance if I didn't know how but I already knew how I already knew how guys gals this is fucking eek show land this isn't some fucking random fucking sheet of paper where I don't know how to fucking break dance this isn't some fucking ass face show some podcast that you turn to you like I don't know if I'm gonna keep listening. You'll keep listening you will because you're gonna be like what's he gonna say next couple of my buddies also lived in fucking Virginia we decided we'd go to the Red Sox Baltimore Orioles game okay one of my buddies had just got a fucking car it's a shitbox. He got it off like a retired auto auction lot unbelievable looking car you look at it it's a black fucking beamer BMW just kick ass car. He got it for some sort of short price driving it around like he's fucking Miami Vice fucking he just got the fucking slip kid was fucking solid driving a new whip. Let's go to the Baltimore fucking Red Sox game. We're all Red Sox fans well he kind of is not but he didn't give a shit that the two of us were three of us all three guys all three of us were friends since freshman year of college and we were still united all these years later and now I lived in Virginia fun times car breaks down has issues the entire ride we get there. I think I remember we get there. Now the story is fucking genuinely true. Everything I remember happened there's a group of our fucking college buddies to this day that don't believe any of this happened but it all happened right down to the letter of the fucking law okay I'm an attorney I've been sworn in by the fucking magistrate the judge the fucking cop who stands there and looks stupid all of them just made me fucking say everything you say today will be held against you if you don't tell the truth, right? You don't want to fucking lie in court. I'm in court this is a bonus episode and I'm in fucking eekshow court we get to the game fun time blah blah blah we're on the way home the car breaks down in full again we're at a gas station I don't remember if the car broke down at the gas station we got it to the gas station we got towed to the gas station that part of the story I don't remember but one of our buddies one of these three somehow convinces a random couple one of them looks like Ski Lo, the rapper who sings I wish it was a little bit taller. I wish it was a baller. I wish I had a girlfriend because I call her I wish I had a rabbit and a bat and a six foot Ski Low and his fucking his girlfriend he looks like Ski Low. He's not Ski Low but for us he's fucking Ski Low. Okay I wish I was a little bit taller. I do wish I was a little bit taller. Five nine and a half on fucking good days five ten is Fletch 6'4 six five six nine with the afro oh fletch he really is bigger than life somehow my buddy at this gas station convinces these two to give us a ride okay this is back in fucking 1998 maybe even it's still 97 right it's baseball season so it might have been 97 still um it probably was 1997 I don't know honestly it could have been 98 though it could have been I don't remember if it was the beginning of that summer or the following summer probably was 1997 honestly it's been a long time man it's talking 29 years ago bitch care how fucking strong your brain is you eat all the fucking blueberries and fucking raspberries and fucking figs or whatever helps your brain it don't matter man you forget shit again this is a fucking bonus episode Sunob so we're fucking stuck at this fucking gas station he convinces this couple and like people that have no brains okay no fucking well being fucking inside thoughts about these two may kill us we get in the car we go with them we go with them we get our fucking ride I assume they're gonna drive us back to fucking Alexandria Arlington Virginia because fucking my buddy's shitbox brand new good looking beamer broke down and in that car ride keep it short it's a bonus episode in that car ride they proceeded to have sex in the front seat in the back seat now mind you they can't be having sex unless someone's driving and yes my buddy who convinced them to give us a ride actually ended up driving at one point I was in the back seat and the girlfriend was in the front seat I was in the back seat with my buddy to my left and ski low to my right and then somehow the girl was in the backseat and it smelt like fucking bad bad bad fucking canned tuna in the car let me tell ya and all kinds of offers were made and we abstained okay we abstained we were scared we knew that the next stop we hoped we'd need gas again we'd get out of there we got back to another gas station of course acted like we were appreciative of the ride and I remember running off and then getting a cab but I'll tell you that ride really happened the three of us somehow randomly got into Ske Lo and his girlfriend's car to get a ride home after my buddy's car broke down on the way home from a Red Sox Orioles game. And again in that car there were so many stories and fucking actual funny lingo fucking drops. The fact that my buddy was driving at one point Ske Lo and his girlfriend I think they had sex both in the front seat and the back seat I remember how bad it smelled that I remember from the get I remember the girl talking to all of us like she was like down for whatever with everybody in the car. Ske Lo was kind of quiet. Maybe he was thinking about his fucking next hit. Now that he fucking wishes he was a little bit taller he wishes he was fucking a little bit fucking I don't know a little bit richer maybe because we were fucking it wasn't a nice car. I wish I could remember what kind of car it was maybe it was a fucking O'smobile I don't know what it was but just imagine a car with fucking tinted windows and fucking rotten fucking canned fish smell in it it happened okay everybody who doesn't know the story it happened everybody we've told the story to that denies it happened it happened I'm putting it out there to the public to the whole world to know we shouldn't have gotten that car we could have fucking been killed we were fucking at least you know 22 year old guys at that point of course we thought it was funny of course we've told the story a thousand times with more intel I don't remember all of it I don't it's been too long don't hitchhike and don't get a ride with strangers don't get candy from don't take candy from fucking strangers unless unless they're giving up boxes of fucking fiddle faddle crunch and munch and fucking poppycock then you take it and you fucking deliver it to me for me to eat the whole goddam box. This is the Eekshow bonus episode eekshow.show info at each show dot show you know where to find me I'll see ya I wouldn't want to be ya but I'll see ya