SLEEP

EEKshow Episode 6 - How do you Sleep (well, unwell, not at all?)...  Anything ever happen due to being asleep, or lack thereof?

EEKshow’s famous PotRoast Recipe:

- 1 Stolen Frozen 8-10 pound Beef Chuck Roast or Rump Roast

- No pan, no Timer

- Bake after 3AM 

- Turn oven knob ON, near a full rotation 

- Must have a Roommate or Mates home to wake you up if you pass out

- It will smoke if heat is working.  Excessive smoke does not mean it’s cooked

- Do not Eat

It's EEKshow Time

Transcript

0:13

It's the each show. It's the eat show. Rocka by each show on the treetop. Excuse me. Do you have any gray poupons? He didn't have it. He doesn't have any fucking mustard. Not on his jog. This is eekshow.show. That's where you can find the fucking social media ties to fucking advertise. Ooh! Ties and ties! Spelled differently. Info eat eekshow.show. That seems to not matter. Nobody's fucking getting in touch with me. I get it. It's new. You're still fucking getting used to the batter. Maybe you're a chocolate chip that's fucking weeding your way through the fucking butter and eggs. You need to find your way to the top so you can fucking press the keys on the keyboard to email me. Or your fucking phone screen where people live most of their lives these days. Do you ever go a day without looking at your phone? It is kind of an extension of your hand, right? And I'm fucking holding it right now to record this masterpiece. Rockaby Eek Show on the treetop. When the shit blows, it came! My dad fucking singing cows to me. Ruckabee baby! Shut up, Linda! Shut the fuck up! Trying to fucking sink I'm trying to sink fucking I sun to sleep! Shut up! And the tree came up! Is it shit, blue? Is it shit? Or is it wind? Shut up! Trauma! That's what that is. Fucking bedtime trauma. My daughter had an idea for an episode. She said it the other day. She's like, why don't you try sleep? Talk about sleep. That's important. I'm not making fun of her voice. I'm just trying to be a different character. That's my teenage girl voice. Love you, daughter! Love you! To fucking Jupiter and back! It's a giant fucking planet where I'm gonna build a goddamn fucking doghouse. Everybody's talking about going to Mars. Well, I'm going to Jupiter. I'm gonna build fucking dog houses and have a third business! A third fucking successful business on Jupiter! Any money I make I won't receive for multiple fucking decades, but that's fine. I'll be okay. Do you sleep well? Do you sleep well? Do you sleep or do you weep? Do you sleep or do you weep? I'll tell you, I'm somewhere between weep and sleep. And what I mean by weep is crying, being upset that you can't get to sleep. You may not physically cry, but the feeling of wanting to cry because you can't get to sleep or stay asleep is a real thing. Insomnia! It's a fucking movie with Robin Williams and Al Pacino, check it out. Good flick. Insomnia or temporary insomnia or fucking fading in and out of insomnia, whatever the fuck it is. I'm not drinking fucking cappuccino or fucking espresso shots at night. I've never gotten good sleep. Not ever. How about you? How about you, Eeksho Land? How do you sleep? Do you sleep like a baby that's fucking just put down after a fucking delicious bottle of fucking breast milk or formula? Do you remember which one you had? I don't. I really don't. Do you just fucking snuggle in and black out? No alcohol involved. Just black out sleep. Both my wife and daughter, they sleep like nurtured little fucking babies in their crib after a bottle. And I'm jealous of that. I am jealous of their sleep, their ability to sleep. I sometimes think if there was a meteor that hit the goddamn fucking backyard, they wouldn't wake up. My face is already melted off. I'm not dead, but I'm fucking a skeleton. I'm fucking trying to try to communicate with my jaw that's now sort of also melting. And they're fucking dead asleep. They're not dead, they're just asleep. Do you sleep well? Do you sleep long? Can you take naps? Are you able to sleep through loud noises? Are you able to sleep through your alarm? Does the snooze button really work for you? I've never slept well. My friends used to make fun of me during college and after college. I'd get up at fucking five in the morning after we were out until fucking three. And I'd be like, wake up! Wake up! I'd be screaming out the window just to be funny. Not truly because I was crazy, just because I'd tap into my fucking humorous gene that I think is a gift. I have no idea if it really is a gift, but I think it is a gift. Nobody bought it for me. It's taken practice of being fucking unrefined and fucking ruthless, but also just risky. Going for it. Trying a bit that nobody else is gonna understand and nobody gets, but I think it's funny. This is comedian I've been seeing. His humor is like massively dark. I'm sure you know him. He's all over the YouTube shorts. It's classic. Everything he jokes about is like dark. Death's fucking violence. And he just keeps it light and he's very calm the way he discusses everything. And he doesn't laugh at his own shit. He's just quiet. It's fantastic. I love it because it just it's so the opposite of everything else that's out there. It's just the bottom of the barrel, dark, but he's just joking around, right? He's not serious. And that's what's amazing about fucking comedy. And maybe he gets good sleep. Because he seems fucking pretty calm every time he does his delivery. How do you sleep? How do you get to sleep? What time do you go to sleep? What time do you get up? Do you get sleep interrupted by having to take a piss? Or a shit? Do girls call it taking a shit? Or do they just say I gotta poop? Or do they say I gotta use the restroom? Are they all fucking dainty and sweet? Which is kind of neat. Kid's fucking a rapper rhyming anytime he doesn't even need to. Do you sleep? Do you have to get up and fucking sheet? Or do you gotta piss? At my age or at my time in life, I'm peeing every night. Once. Middle of the night. 328. Z328. I think that was a fucking Trans Am or fucking some kind of shit Camaro car when I was a kid. Or was it the Z28? I don't even remember. All I remember is every time I saw it, I wanted to fucking throw a rock at it. I knew that. I knew that. Sleep or not, how much rest I got never affected me wanting to pick up a rock and fire it at that fucking car when it drove by. Do you sleep well? Do you feel well rested in the morning? You get to work, everybody's like, hey, good morning, how's everybody? I'm always a good morning person, whether I'm tired or not, whether I've gotten good sleep or not. Good morning, how are ya? Love to make a joke. Probably gonna fucking drop a few rap bombs in that office if I work in an office and of course act like it wasn't me. Maybe this girl she worked with her. She's like, I smell septic. I smell septic. And I'm like, oh man, I don't know who it is. Even though I'm fucking the only one other one in the office. Like, yeah, I think someone left some bad food in the fridge. I smell septic. I'll never forget it. I'm not gonna say her name. She's probably never gonna hear this episode, but I remember that memory very well. Oh, Jack Doc die very well. Oh, forget about when I was younger and still fucking going out and having fun with my buddies, you know, going to the bars, meeting fucking before you meet your significant other, maybe before you're dating, before you move in with somebody, again, guy or girl, whatever the fuck you like, okay? It's PC. I don't give a shit. But before you get serious and commit, you're consuming alcohol. Alcohol, like, is a depressant, right? If you're drinking fucking Red Bull and Sky vodka, skybulls, it's like you're in a tug of war with your own fucking brain. Your body, it's like fucking stimulant, depressant. Do I fucking do I make him jump out a window or do I have him go to sleep? Do I jump out a window, go to sleep? No, no, jump out of window and go to sleep. Jump out the window, two, go to sleep. Double trouble. Oh, double bubble. That shit. Terry Francone used to fucking chew a fucking bucket of that every game. Big giant fucking boulder in his fucking cheek. Double bubble. Fucking shit sweet for like fucking 35, 40, 55 seconds, and then fucking just a piece of fucking raw rubber in your fucking mouth. Gum. Where the fuck does gum go? You ever see gum like where it's just around, it's under the desk, right? When you're younger, you people stick it under the desk. Fucking amazing. Be like, yeah, listen, the Hoover, the Hoover dam, it's gonna fucking bust. We have no solution. Uh, it's a guy who raises his hand in the back, like, uh sir, I got an idea. We're gonna take all the gum that we find in the in the neighborhood that's under the desks in the schools and on the ground that that is never disintegrated because gum is is non-biodegradable, and we're gonna fucking plug that hole in the hoover dam with a big giant fucking wad of gum. And the guy's like, not a bad idea. Is it double bubble? Shut the fuck up, bitch, and use my idea and fix the Hoover Dam. Not here for fucking free. I want payment. I want payment for my brilliant idea, and then I want that money going to the Eek Show. That's what I want. My daughter, based on her sleep episode, is now co-director. I just promoted her. Before she was just a fucking soundcheck person. Now she's a co-director. She also helped write this episode, okay? She's a co-director. We'll figure out her salary. Maybe in 2027. Do you get good sleep? What about the temperature when you sleep? Nobody likes it super hot. I've mentioned this before in one of my episodes. AC or fan. I'm a big fur. I like, you know, do you like white noise? Do you need somebody whispering in your ear? Go to sleep, fucking bitch. Go to sleep, you fucking tired bitch. That might help me. I've never been able to sleep well. That is a fucking true story. I hope you don't know me, because if you do know me out there at Eak Showland, you know it to be true. I never fucking needed sleep or got sleep, and maybe I do need it. Maybe this is the last year of my life, so I can permanently sleep. I'm gonna miss my family, but I'll be getting sleep. I may be fucking dead, but I'm asleep. I'm not gonna have to wake up to piss or fucking be rustled by the dogs. I'll get some sleep. He's dead asleep. Legit dead asleep. Do you weep or do you sleep? I don't think I've ever actually actively weeped, but I sure haven't fucking been asleep. Not permanently. I'm talking like the last time I got good sleep, I think may have been college naps. How bad do you miss the college naps? Between classes, or you have a day where you only have one or two classes and it's a Friday, and you know you're gonna go out for happy hour around like five. So you got a 9.30 class. Maybe you're 11, or if 11:30 is a lecture, and or it's something you don't need to go to, and you skip it. You skip it, kid. Skippy peanut butter, you just skip it and fucking rip it. You're not gonna rip it, you're gonna fucking take a nap. Pull the covers up, kid. Got one of those fucking big colorful tapestries that covered my bed. So I had a little privacy. Again, I just don't know how I ever escaped having fucking wherever I slept, there was really no fucking door. Jesus. I guess there was a door on our room, though, in that fucking fraternity house. There was a door. I had a roommate and I had the fucking the bunk bed, which is classic. It's a huge bunk bed. It was like two giant fucking rafts. My roommate was solid though. I once fucking stole a giant fucking roast from my fraternity. Okay, this was junior year, and it was coming home from the bars, being a normal fucking jackass kid. I wasn't on the meal plan in the fraternity yet, and I took an entire full fucking roast, a frozen one, from the fucking freezer. I walked home with it. We lived in a fucking apartments that were just on off campus. I had like five or six roommates. This apartment we lived in was really cool, man. And I think five or six of us lived there. It was several of the guys that I was still close with, that I'm still close with today from my freshman year. And I came home and everybody was, everybody was asleep. So it's mighty who knows what time it was, but just say it's past three or four. It's definitely not on a weekend night. And I put the frozen roast, I put the frozen roast in the oven. And I fucking turned it on, like, you know, just actively thinking, I'm I'm starving. I want to cook something. Obviously, not using my brain. And I don't need sleep, right? I'm not going to sleep. I'm gonna fucking eat. Of course, I don't sleep, but I pass out. The next thing I remember is my fucking roommate screaming at me, what the fuck are you doing? The whole fucking apartment is like filled with smoke. And I'm like a dog. I'm like a dog. Like, what? What? What'd I do? And I'm, you know, he's like, you put a fucking roast in the oven, you turned it all the way up and went to bed. I'm like, that's not that funny, but it is funny because I I guess in technical, he saved our fucking lives. Um, you know, I'm I'm 20 years old at the time, you know, so this is fucking 30 plus years ago. It's a frozen roast. It's gonna be, I told you I put it in too early. It's gonna be the fucking Thanksgiving turkey from fucking Christmas vacation. Oh no, no. It's just a little dry. Oh, there's the heart. Oh, I remember him fucking, yucky's yelling at me, but he likes me and he just starts fucking laughing at me because the whole apartment's filled with filled with smoke. I'm pretty sure, too. Like, his girlfriend was always there. Um, and I think she was there. I can't imagine them just talking about me after the fact. Like, what a fucking idiot, psycho fucking lunatic. The whole story is fantastic. The best part is I used to do that. I'd shop like for groceries without, you know, late night. Sometimes at my fraternity, I would always go down to their big food place and shop for fucking food for me and my roommates. I'd just take shit. And I got caught once, you know, and like, you know, he was right, but he was so mad at me. Like, you know, hey, you can't be doing it, you know. I was like thinking, like, I never would do it sober, and I wasn't, you know, in my mind, I'm like, I'm not stealing, I'm part of the fraternity, I pay my dues. You need the do's, you need to do's. Fucking animal house. Oh, but I never slept well. Even when I was passed out out of fucking late night with a delicious fucking frozen pot roast in the fucking oven, nearly burning down our entire apartment complex, not just our floor. Luckily, no fire, just massive fucking smoke. And I'm telling you, like, fire department worthy. If he doesn't wake up and shut the oven off and come get me, and we open all the windows, who the fuck knows? I might have gotten good sleep. I might have been dead asleep that night. Can you sleep well when you're not in your normal conditions? Do you sleep well on the road? Do you sleep well in certain hotels? Do you sleep well at your fucking your in-laws, your friends, if you're still younger? Do you sleep well when you're with your girlfriend? Is it tough when you're with your early relationship because you're still so focused on physical contact that you gotta fucking cuddle and envelop? And it's tough to sleep when your fucking right arm is asleep. Like, honey, can you get up my arm? I can't feel my whole fucking side of my right body. You can't feel anything. And you gotta piss. You try to get up, but you fall over because you feel like a one-legged fucking stepchild. Because your half your body's asleep. Again, because you you you want to cuddle, you're in that part of the relationship, but you're still physical, and sleeping over is really not quote unquote sleeping. I never got good sleep. I never needed it. I'd still have high energy and be a fucking just buzzing fucking bee. I hope you all get good sleep out there. I really do. I want you to get some Zs. Nital will help you get your Z. Not my commercial, not my advertisement. I enjoy the jingle. I don't remember what it is. I think it's NITAL, if that still exists. I hope you get some Z's, kid. And I hope in the morning when you're still tired you find your keys. I can get stung by some bees. No, bad rap. Fucking eek show. Always cutting edge. I wish everybody out there a good night's sleep. The one thing, what have I noticed? What have I hated? What have I loved? What have I kind of liked? I'll tell you what I fucking like. I like when people get the fuck out of my way. You ever notice people are always in your way? No matter where you go. Traffic, in your way. Grocery store? In your way. Library? Someone's in your fucking way. I guarantee it at the library. Someone's in your way. The book you want could be some sort of fucking subject on how to make fucking adoptee, and there's someone else who's in that section looking for the fucking same letter. Instead of A D, it's A E. Whatever it is, fucking whatever word, Aesop's fable. They're right there in that section. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were looking for something in this section. Get out of my way, is what I want you to do. Go into the bathroom, someone's in your fucking way. Someone's in your way. You try to walk through the gym, through the fucking Y, just from your locker to get to the fucking bathroom. Nobody's even looking up. You I can't I say excuse me on a fucking. I must say excuse me, pardon me. I do say pardon me. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's an old soul thing. I'm gonna say it 25 times every time I'm gonna walk into the gym. I'm about to walk into the gym, and I already know I'm gonna have to say excuse me, pardon me. I don't ever hear it back. I really don't. Nobody's in fucking I'm not in anybody's way. I'm like a goddamn fucking running back. Fucking bombin' and weaving, fucking faking right, high knees, twist, fucking spin move. Right into the end zone. Get out of my way! Everybody's in my way. This is the Eek Show. Have an excellent week. I'll talk to you soon. I will. Get some sleep.