The Third Answer
The Third Answer explores the space between reaction and understanding. Through reflections on personal experiences and conversations about mental health, performance, culture, sports, and everyday life, each episode moves beyond quick answers to uncover the deeper insights that shape how we think, grow, and live.
Hosted by Dr. Ibn Sharif Shakoor, LPC, a licensed professional counselor, educator, and creative, the podcast draws on both professional expertise and lived experience to examine the intersection of culture, mental health, performance, and personal growth. The Third Answer invites listeners to slow down, think more deeply, and discover perspectives that challenge assumptions and inspire meaningful change.
The Third Answer
The PressureOnline Episode
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PressureOnline joins me for a raw conversation about purpose, resilience, and navigating life beyond the spotlight. We unpack growth, identity, and the mindset it takes to keep moving forward when the pressure never stops.
Peace, my brother. Hey, how are you doing, man? Gary Pressure Online Sanford. Yes, sir. This interview is biased because we're friends. But nevertheless, it's necessary. Let's get into it. So, um, my first question for everyone is, and it sounds cliche, but it's like, how are you feeling? But I really want to know, like, what's your current state of mind? Like, as we speak, how you feeling right now?
SPEAKER_01I like to say I'm feeling ambitious. I'm definitely feeling like uh, you know, I want to achieve more. You know, I've done a lot in my past, but um, you know, life is about growth and elevation. So I guess I'm like tunnel vision right now. That's my current feeling.
SPEAKER_00So when with your tunnel vision, how do you how do you maintain a tunnel vision when you don't feel when it's when you're on the downside, when you don't have that, you always got the internal motivation, but when the days are a little bit on the backside, how do you maintain that that tunnel vision?
SPEAKER_01Well, I don't like the forced inspiration. So um I do things outside of that tunnel vision, such as like I may go bowling, you know, or I may, you know, shoot hoops. Uh, you know, I just do everyday activities just to also not get locked into being um such a businessman, but being a human, you know, first. So that's how I guess I sidetrack myself and you know, when that inspiration comes back around and I lock in.
SPEAKER_00I like that you said that. Um because you know, for me, I try to bring, even though you're an artist, I really don't want to talk about that too much. Um I like to bring people into like my mental health educational field. Um, I always say, you look like money, right? Like, because I mean it's marketing too, right? Like we all market ourselves, but like your content, your quality, you look like money. So when when people see you, that glow that that's there, how does it impact how people view you, right? Like do people ask you for things, people in your close circle?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I mean, when you think about it, when you're a person that um let's just use the word fortunate. Fortunate, yeah. Right? Um, but people don't understand that none of this is good luck. A lot of it is just hard work behind the scenes that people may have not seen. And a lot of times, people that surround you will naturally feel entitled to certain things just based upon the relationship. So, yeah, you know, I deal with that just like anyone else, but it's no different than your grandmother being a person that go to bingo and she'll never mind giving you $10 for the answer. So, you know, it's it's natural, you know, for people to lead you on, especially when they expect you to win.
SPEAKER_00Word. And fortunate can be viewed as so many different ways, right? Like you said, people think that when you're fortunate, it's like something that was given to you. But some of the things that we have, you're just born with. Like some of the skills, you know what I mean, that you hone in on, you were just born with it. So sometimes I feel like it's bigger than us, you know what I mean? And it's just keeping the balance between knowing when to give to someone and when to keep it, keep it all for yourself. Correct. So as a black man, you know, there's a whole there's a narrative out there about fathers, you know, fatherhood and stuff like that. I'm a father, so I don't want to feed into that narrative all the time. But how do you think, just overall, uh the lack of of present fathers in the in the environment that we grew up in, not just based on color, but just the environment because of prison time and stuff like that, how do you think that affects our relationship as as black men as we get older, like how we have relationships with other people?
SPEAKER_01Hmm. Interesting question.
SPEAKER_00I say um don't have to be personal, just just general.
SPEAKER_01For sure. Any kid that deals with um a split home, right? There's never a hundred percent. This is common sense, right? Yeah, you have a mother, you have a father, and it's a 50-50 thing. Um, for a mother to raise a young man is difficult because there's only so much a person could teach you that's the opposite gender. In our minds, we train ourselves to believe that it's possible, but realistically, um, it's different hardships. So I definitely think that it affects um people from our community um for the simple fact that we deal with more trauma in the inner cities than on the outer layers, you know.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. Um man, uh, when you really think about it, right? Like when you see, like, we're we're in that next tier, right? Like, I'm almost at uncle, uh, uncle tier. You're not the you're not there yet. You're not at uncle tier yet. But you do have a age group below you, right, that's coming up under you. When you see like the, I want to say like the emotional, there's a phrase like in therapy, like emotional regulation. Like, they don't sometimes we don't know how to like say, all right, we see something that we don't like or we like, how we react to it, sometimes may seem a little irrational. You know, like do you have any advice for the young people, young men coming up under you? Like you said, like with trauma, sometimes they may act irrationally. It's like, yo, bro, you could have talked that out.
SPEAKER_01But um, my advice to young people coming up, um for one, social media is poison. Very poisonous, and people have to understand that. A lot of times, like you asked me one of the first questions is how do I feel? Yeah. A lot of these kids don't know how they feel. So my advice is to get more in tune with yourself, you know, and don't let uh filters or comments online or so dictate what you feel like your beauty is, your inner beauty of yourself, you know. Sometimes you have to sit still and read a book, you know, watch a movie. You have to do traditional things and not get caught up in the newer technology because you're stripped from your emotions when you kind of like hide behind the screen or this camera. So it's really about putting the devices down and be human. That's it.
SPEAKER_00Great. I I agree with you, and I think that was a good point. Like, a lot of a lot of us don't know how we feel, we don't acknowledge it. Right. So when you walk into a young dude is walking into a classroom, young, young man or woman walking into a classroom, I think that's the first thing they should be asked. How you how you feeling for the day? For sure. Before you jump into stuff. Um, one of my favorite joints that you made was anxiety. Um, I was a part of that process, the video process. Right. Yeah. What does anxiety look like for pressure? Right? Like symptom-wise. How do you know when you're at your peak with anxiety? What does that look like for you?
SPEAKER_01Um, overwhelmed. Um, obviously not focused. Um kind of like a blame game where sometimes you don't even take uh responsibility for your actions, and that can kind of make you feel like, damn, I'm going a little over the edge. So you put it on other people, you know. Um That's interesting. Yeah. Anxiety also is just stress. Sometimes we stress and I know we're stressing, you know. I remember someone taught me that and I didn't understand it and I didn't believe it, you know, because I was like, and I'm young, but you know, you could be dealing with anxiety in your teens, you know. 100%. And I didn't understand that until the situation where my lung collapsed, and I'm on a hospital bed, and then I'm realizing like, wow, I'm stressing. I'm really going through something different than I ever did. So um anxiety to me, excuse me, anxiety, anxiety to me overall is not having control, but believing that you do. You do, yeah.
SPEAKER_00And anxiety looks different for everyone, you know what I mean? Like the way you just said that, that was that's deep. I think you said that when you get, if you get too overwhelmed and you feel feel like you're um uh placing blame on other people, that's probably just a sign of what's just like too much is going on, and your mind is looking for uh a blame, some somewhere to place the blame.
SPEAKER_01Because with anxiety, you kind of lack ownership at that point. It's like you know, you you you put that energy onto others, and um again, that's where the fault comes in at, and you know, you learn yourself though as things go on. True.
SPEAKER_00Learning yourself, that's key. Um, but what would be a trigger for you to get there, get there?
SPEAKER_01Um, since we're talking about growing up in inner cities and certain things, if you think about it, everyone's common issue is money. Finance is a money. So in money, exactly. So when finances is not in to play, all right, because they say money is in everything, but at the same time, money dictates where you're gonna be at in life. So society, yeah. Coming from our background, so uh, yeah, I think that's the first sign. Realizing, like, uh, I want to do this, but I can't. You know, like living life with limitations. That's when it comes in.
SPEAKER_00And the higher arch, they say the hierarchy of needs is like food, shelter, those type of things come first. And if you can't meet those needs, you can't go up to the, you know, all that other special spiritual stuff sometimes. You know what I mean? The basic needs in life, yeah. Basic needs. Daryl versus pressure. Can you give me the difference? Or if there is a difference?
SPEAKER_01For sure. I mean, it's it's Batman Bruce Wayne, for sure. It's definitely a difference. Um, Darryl, Karen, family man, there for everyone. Take the short end of every situation, you know, sacrifice, um, pressure, determined to win, competitive. Um I would even like to say, um, let me see how to formulate this.
SPEAKER_00Um passionate. Passionate. Do you think that like as an artist myself, right? Like, there's art different forms, but like, do you think there was an inspiration for you to create that character pressure? Like, is it tied to anywhere like your childhood or anything like that?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, interesting you said that. I was the only child uh for years, years, like years. Yeah. So when you're the only child, and you know, you have little cousins and all of that, but in my age range, I didn't have many, if anything, female. So having to fend for myself in all situations made me tougher. So those things made me more aggressive, those things made me more, it gotta happen. And that's how pressure comes about. Because it's life you deal with pressures, and pressure should help involve uh evolve you into a greater you. Yeah, definitely.
SPEAKER_00It'll it'll either it'll make you or break you. For sure. You know what I mean? Um, who's the first person that you call when you're under when you're pressures, when pressure's under pressure? Who's the first person you reach out to? Or one of. My mother. Your mother, okay. For sure. Yeah, it makes sense. Definitely makes sense. What's that call like? Or text? How's it how you open up? How she how does she know when you when you going through something?
SPEAKER_01Um I beat around the bush a lot. She knows something coming. Yeah, yeah. If if anything, yeah, yeah. It's like what you doing? Yeah. Something like something like that. Definitely.
SPEAKER_00Um, I ask everyone this question. You you've you've seen me ask people this question before. When's the last time you cried and why? Um, last time I cried. I'm always judging off the initial reaction, like how hard you had to think about it, too.
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna tell you a deep story that I never spoke about on camera. Um I cried. Um last time I cried, where I remember um was at a past friend's funeral. Okay, it's not necessarily because the individual passed away, it was because the terms we were on when they passed, uh-huh and I didn't get a chance to apologize. That hit differently than you know, the everyday I'm just mad about something. Unresolved, unresolved issue. Definitely. I think people should always um moving forward in life, um don't hold on to things that ultimately could be grudges. Exactly. Yeah, like your song. My favorite song from you the grudges. Right.
SPEAKER_00Um I ask because not that I think that we should be just walking around here having a crying fest or anything like that, but I just always find it interesting because as men, sometimes we don't have like the proper outlet, or or like you said, we don't understand how we feel. Right. When I was younger, people might not know, believe this because I'm so calm now, but I used to punch holes in walls and stuff like that. Right. Because I was angry, I was hurt, you know what I mean? But just that emotional regulation is something that I see that you kind of you kind of, I won't say mastered, but you kind of understand things. And what do you think that comes comes from?
SPEAKER_01Like well, I learned to take out my anger um through writing. You know, a lot of times I used to hate to speak to people only because I felt like people would utilize the information I give them against me when they're mad at me. Okay. So it made me kind of.
SPEAKER_00Where do you think that comes from?
SPEAKER_01Um the environment. Sometimes your environment, sometimes your household. Like just watching other people's experiences, you don't want to experience that, so you learn from that. But interesting that you made that point. I used to speak to this guy, uh, his name is uh Eric Lopez, and we had a conversation about young men that don't know how they feel or don't not express themselves, and he said, and this is very interesting, he taught me this. He said, Men, young men, especially young black men in our community, are taught to be tough. You're taught to not cry, suck it up, get over it. So you're compressing and bottoming those feelings, and then at that point, when that outrage comes, that's why you got all these killings and these people that don't have control because they was always taught to keep it in. Yeah. Whether it's cops, whether it's family, don't tell mommy's business what's going on in the household. Yeah. You're taught that. So you're caging everything in, where a young lady, she's taught to cry. She's given baby dolls, she's taught how to be a mother, play house. They're taught how to survive without men and be independent.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01That was deep clean taught about that.
SPEAKER_00It's accurate. And uh, you see somebody when something violent happens out in the street, that's 20 years in the making. You know what I'm saying? That's not that's just not in that moment. Some crimes are in the moment, but a lot of times that's just like they call that displaced anger, where it's like you take out that anger in the wrong, you know, in a different environment where it actually started at. And before we get out of here, this might catch you off guard, but in terms of just relative to what we talked about, what's one thing that people don't know about you, Daryl the man, personally, that you would like to share? Because remember, I might know you a little bit, but through the lens of pressure, right, people may not, you know, people may not know that, you know, no know you.
SPEAKER_01Um I'm a self-educated. I think uh what people don't know about me is uh I like to learn. You know, I'm not just caught up in making music. That's how I ended up doing film work, photography, graphics. Um you're analyzing. Right. I I'm very big on observing. And that's also a trait of how you stay alive. That's true. Um I'm very into paying attention, being on point, and understanding what's going on because, like someone told me, there's three types of people in life. One is the person who makes it happen, one is the second is the person who watches it happen, and the third is the person who don't even know what's going on. So I try to be that person who told you that know what's going on. Ah, it was back in the day, man. Some man had spoken that to me. I forgot his name, but it was a long time ago.
SPEAKER_00So you're an analyzer, an analyzer, an observer. So don't try no funny shit with him because he's gonna peep in. All right, thanks, bro. Appreciate you, man. All right, I think that was dope, man. That was true.
