You’re Not Falling Apart, You’re in Transition | Burnout, Spiraling & Rebuilding Yourself

What if you’re not actually falling apart?

What if you’re in the middle of a transition that’s forcing you to confront the parts of yourself that have been operating in survival mode for far too long?

In this deeply personal episode of Elevate Within, Sandy Davis opens up about spiraling, emotional burnout, identity loss, entrepreneurship, high-functioning depression, and the internal battles many women quietly carry while still appearing “fine” on the outside.

This is an honest conversation about what spiraling really looks like, how to recognize it before it consumes you, and the importance of learning how to stabilize yourself emotionally, mentally, and spiritually during seasons of uncertainty and rebuilding.

Through vulnerable storytelling and practical reflection, Sandy shares her personal experiences navigating burnout, corporate pressure, emotional exhaustion, entrepreneurship loneliness, and the process of reclaiming your voice while rebuilding your life from the inside out.

This episode explores:
• Spiraling thoughts and emotional overwhelm
• Burnout, survival mode, and emotional exhaustion
• The connection between burnout and identity loss
• High-functioning depression and internal pressure
• Entrepreneurship loneliness and rebuilding in uncertainty
• Learning how to interrupt negative thought patterns
• Stabilizing yourself emotionally during difficult seasons
• The power of small wins, reflection, and self-awareness
• Reclaiming your voice and reconnecting with yourself

Elevate Within is a transformational podcast for women navigating burnout, healing, emotional wellness, entrepreneurship, reinvention, grief, self-worth, and personal growth through honest conversations about the “messy middle” of life.

If this episode resonates with you, subscribe and share Elevate Within on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube for more conversations centered around healing, rebuilding, and rising from within.

Connect with Sandy Davis:

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ElevateWithinAlways
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sandra-davis-abb21236/
Website: https://elevateopsadvisory.com/

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hello and welcome back to Elevate Within. I'm your host, Sandy Davis. If you're here today, I want to talk about something real. Something a lot of us are feeling right now, but not always saying it out loud. And that is spiraling. Spiraling. What does that mean? What does that feel? What does that look like? That is what we're going to talk about a bit today. And it usually starts, it is a new month. So therefore, there are new expectations, there are new pressures, and sometimes that internal voice gets a little loud, louder than we would like. So today I want to talk about what that actually looks like, how to recognize it, and how to interrupt it. And also how it connects to burnout, identity, and what it really looks like when you're rebuilding your life or starting something new. I had a conversation with a lady today from Utah, and it really stayed with me, and we were talking about spiraling, and basically it reminded me of how many of us are quietly navigating these seasons, just trying to hold it together while figuring it all out while we're still in the middle of it. And sometimes what we actually need is someone to sit with us in it. So let me give you my definition of spiraling. It's not going to be what's in the true definition, but just my interpretation of what that is. Um it's not necessarily a major breakdown. It's when overwhelmingness consumes you, the pressure and that internal voice of negativity, again, exhaustion, doubt, and of just you don't give yourself space to release any of it. So how do you know if you're spiraling? I'll give you some examples. Um one could be small things, like the smallest things can start to feel heavy. Um that inner voice, that negativity inner voice gets louder than your logic. You're busy or you're keeping yourself busy, but nothing actually feels meaningful. Um you're just trying to fill up the day until you can just go to sleep. And the last one, and uh something that I used to do too often was um isolating myself or you know, pulling back from relationships, conversations, um, making excuses of why I can't hang out or why I can't answer a phone call, um, because I just want to sit in that dark space because I am quote unquote spiraling. So those are just uh a few signs, at least for me, in regards to what spiraling means to me. And you know, that's basically your signal. And I want you to know that that doesn't mean that you're failing, it just means that there's something that needs your attention. So I want to definitely repeat that it's not like you're failing, right? It's really your mind, your spirit, and your body is telling you, like, hey, there's something that definitely definitely needs your attention. And here's the hardest part is you're going through all of this, and you still look like you're holding it together on the outside. And what does that look like? I can go out and walk my dog Rocco, be perfectly put together, smile on my face, especially when I see uh my neighbors or friends, and I'm smiling and I'm like, hey, how you doing? I'm very upbeat. Uh I'm trying to appear as if I have it all together. And as soon as they walk away, I feel extremely heavy. I'm, you know, doing that slow blink, that heavy sigh, and wishing that I actually felt how I appeared to others. So let's talk about the voice in your head and how this encompasses spiraling. And I spoke about this on my last episode, which is that voice in your head and not believing everything that it tells you. So take a look at episode three whenever you get a chance. And I want to state this in regards to the voice in your head is I don't believe in fixing everything at once. Right? So when you're spiraling, that doesn't mean that you have to fix your life. What it really means is you have to stabilize the moment. So for me, that looks like pausing, stop reacting immediately, uh, reducing the noise in my head, you know, making sure that I am not comparing myself with other folks. Um, I'm not doing the dead scroll where it's like, hey, I just need to just live somewhere else for a few minutes where I'm not living in my current life. So I think that's why we end up scrolling and just aimlessly. Um so I find that I have to anchor myself to one small action, not ten things, you know, not everything all at once, but really just one. I need an anchor to basically have me reset on spiraling, reflect what's going on, asking questions, talking back to that voice. And one other thing is recognizing and announcing your small wins, right? So everybody talks about their big wins, everybody um will give you the edited version of their successful life. And what I mean by is someone can say, for example, oh, I left corporate America work and I started my own business and it went so well, and now I make $150,000 or $300,000 a week or a month. And I would be like, all right, hold on, back up a little bit. Let's talk about the middle, that messy middle. Let's talk about your peaks and valleys, and what did you learn from? Um, you know, what were some anecdotes that you can provide to others? What were the lessons that you learned in that? How did you prevent yourself from spiraling? Or when you did spiral, what did that look like? Like what tools did you stop yourself to then therefore become successful in generating the income that you have generated and you know, being purposeful in your journey, in your life's work. Um, and what does that all look like, right? So these are the conversations that I usually have with women. And um when talking about that messy middle of their careers, you know, they were trying to find the big wins, and I would tell them, like, hey, let me tell you my wins, small or big, but I try to recognize my small wins for the day because it gives me the motivation to keep pushing forward, right? So um that also helps with reducing the noise in my head, that voice in my head. So for example, I can take a small win, is hey, I um sent out my emails um for potential clients, or I just finished wrapping up a client today, or hey, I made myself breakfast, I carved an hour out of my time to make sure I actually ate this morning. Um, it could be as simple as, hey, I got up out of bed, I took a shower, and I went for a walk. You know, you have to just be able to find those small wins, um, and they will eventually accumulate to being bigger wins. So that's why I say, like, don't try to fix your life all at once, and you definitely won't be able to fix your life in a spiral. You just need to stabilize the moment, right? And that will get you to kind of course correct because that voice, it gets loud, it gets so loud, especially when you're tired, you're overwhelmed, or you're just unsure. But you know, here's the truth about all of that: just because you think something doesn't always make it true. You have to learn how to separate that voice that's reacting from the voice that's grounded, and that takes practice, right? Sometimes it takes someone outside of your head to help you hear it clearly. Because when you're in it, when you're in a thick of it, everything negative will feel like it's true. And that's when real conversations matter in talking to somebody outside just to get a different perspective, so you're not listening to that negative inner voice, and you're paying more attention to that voice that is more stable, that is going to talk back to that negative voice. And again, from episode three, those, you know, those messages from the negative voice could be, you're doing this all wrong. And I will respond back. Or maybe I'm actually doing it right, and this is the path that I have to take. Or you can hear something like, you need to do better, or you know, you can't get this done. This won't be successful. You need to go back to what you know, you need to go back to that comfort zone that you're in, and I will respond back like nothing grows when you're comfortable. I am stepping out on faith. This is my new journey. I have my purpose, and I will be successful. And I am happy, and I'm walking in my truth, and I feel purposeful, and I'm energized, and I'm happy. You see what I just did there? That voice, that grounded voice, will respond, and then it will stand on its soapbox, and it will almost as if shouting out, like, no, this is where I'm at, this is where I'm going, this is my intention. I believe in myself, I will take better care of myself, I will give myself grace.

SPEAKER_00 12:24

That negative voice becomes silent, right?

SPEAKER_01 12:29

So that's a practice that I do that I wanted to share. And, you know, it can come in different forms. So whether it's you talking to yourself or reaching out, if you have that support system, um, whether it's your friends, family, significant other, pastor, whatever have you, you definitely want to make sure you're having those healthy conversations and basically doing a mind reset in order to persevere, move forward, and stop the spiraling. How spiraling also can come up. Um it's definitely for me, it was in the corporate burnout, right? So let's talk about that. Um, and that could be if you're in corporate America, the burnout, if you are a successful business person, and um you might start feeling that burnout because you are doing everything, you're the top decision maker, you are the one that will bottleneck the whole systems, and then you beat yourself up, and it's like, oh, I I need help, but you don't know how to properly ask for help, you don't know what help looks like. So um that could also be a part of a burnout. And I'm not talking about just being tired, I'm talking about the deeper kind of burnout where you basically are showing up every day, you're performing, you're achieving, but you don't feel connected to yourself anymore. And that's when this becomes an identity because a lot of us, we've worn masks, we've worn the professional version, the version that fits, the version that survives. And over time, you don't even realize how far you have drifted from who you really are. So think like high-functioning depression, where you're keeping busy, you look like you're doing all of the things successfully, but your mind and spirit is just not into it, or you still have that slight tightness in your chest. Um, you have a thousand thoughts going through your head. And when someone asks you, like, hey, how are you doing? you automatically give a response, like, yeah, I'm good, I'm I'm great, I'm busy. But is it really that? Right? We don't take time out for ourselves to just sit and ask ourselves, like, hey, are we good? Let's check in. And again, this happens, you know, through like the corporate burnout or owner-founder burnout. Um, this has to do with the voices in your head, this has to do with you know, new anxieties, new month, whatever is going on in your life. We've all experienced that spiraling, and we need to resolve that, you know, we need to overcome that so we can do a reset because the longer you spiral, the longer you allow yourself to stay in that space where there is a battle internally with those voices, your life, your everything will feel heavier, everything will feel like they're not aligned, and then you can even go into a place of depression, or as I said, like high-functioning depression. Um, we end up losing ourselves in that process, and it's because we're constantly trying on different voices or different versions of ourselves that we think, okay, this will work. This will help me excel. This one will get me through the day, the month, the year, and we don't check in with who we originally were. What was our original voice when we first started working or first started that position, first started that business? Um things like that. That's something that um I want to share with and promote of checking in with ourselves, you know, um making sure we don't lose ourselves in the process, making sure we have the tips and the tools to make sure we catch ourselves with burnout. And that's not to say that we won't be burned out, but it's a matter of when it's coming, when it's starting to percolate a little bit, we know how to stop and uh assess, come back to resetting ourselves, resetting our minds, resetting our spirits, and resetting our bodies. Right? So when it comes to that identity where we're putting on different versions of ourselves just to get through the day at work and tying that into our identity, you know, I I realize that, you know, we've adapted so well, again, that we just forget who we are underneath all of that. Um we basically become who we need to be to be accepted, to be successful, and to survive. Um and then eventually you have this reflective moment where you're looking up thinking, like, wait, is any of this even really me? And I see that a lot, especially in women, especially for me. We've done so many things to so many people that when life slows down or shifts, we don't always know who we are without those roles. And I'll give you uh another example. Um, and this was a conversation that I had with uh a woman in my um networking group. And basically, one of the frustrating aspects of it is when someone asks, like, who are you, or tell me a bit about yourself, especially as women, we are automatically telling them what we do for a living. Um, or you know, if we're not in a career, so to speak, then you know, I'm a mother and I have kids, or we're always talking about what we are doing of service. We are not talking about who we actually are. And I don't know, and I still don't really know, I think it depends on the women, if we're doing that because we have not checked in with ourselves, because we have forgotten who we are from working all the time, you know, building your career, building your business, or if we were subconsciously taught as women, when someone tells asks us the question, you know, tell me about you, we automatically have to go to our resume and talk about our big wins and our accomplishments and what we do. And I found myself, I was doing that all the time. So I would give this whole speech of what I do, and then they would ask, okay, so then what do you do for fun? And that was a moment where I kind of froze up and uh cringed a little bit, and I was like, Oh, okay, let me find something. So hiking is usually a good one. Uh, if you're gonna use that one, make sure you have hiking trails or some something nearby. Because then if you don't, they're gonna ask you, like, where the hell are you hiking? Um, but I would say hiking or you know, reading books. Now, did I I I actually do love reading books? Did I have time to read them? No. So I would do audiobooks. Have I finished a lot of audiobooks? No, because I was always working. But I felt like, hey, if I rattle some of these things off, then I'm in the clear and I will be looked upon as like, oh yeah. So not only does she tell us like what she does for a living, but you know, she has these hobbies or you know, fun activities, so on and so forth. Um, but in reality, like I didn't. It was just I had to learn to find who I am today, um, who I no longer am, which is my past, um, and the versions of myself that I didn't like, the voices um that I no longer, that negative voice I no longer allow to um speak to me or define who I am, right? So I had to take the steps and learning how to be. And find who I truly am and be able to articulate that without necessarily having to read off a resume, right? Um so I hope I hope like for anyone who's listening to this um to really take a few minutes out. Um I don't care if you're jotting it down, like you know, write down three bullet points. Who are you? You and the first one, I'll even give it to you. You you can write what you do. Right? What do you what do you do for a living? Um and then for the other two or more, who are you? Right? What does that look like? What are your what is your true passion? You know, what is your moral compass? What truly makes you happy? What absolutely resonates with you? What is something that you enjoy doing so much you wish you can do more of it, and you're not really doing that yet. That's that's a step, right? Um that's also a step in in having you reset when you are spiraling and that process. Um so hopefully that kind of works out, and then I'll do another episode where you know I'll I'll collect some feedback and we can talk about what that looks like or how this exercise kind of helped you in a moment. Um, for those who are starting businesses, or those who are on their second business, or they're in that messy middle of the business, I want to talk about what that looks like internally, how that feels. Um, and I'll be sharing my own journey of building Elevate Operations, which is a fractional COO work that I do, as well as Elevate Within, which is more of my journey, um, documenting that, um, listening to other women's stories, um, sharing those, sharing those little anecdotes to help elevate us to a more positive level, a more healthier level, um where you actually feel seen and you feel heard. So for those that are starting a business or it's your first time and you are in a space where spiraling can come quite often. And when you see, like if you're on Instagram and you're scrolling through and you'll see, like, oh, online business, oh, I can do a masterclass, oh, I if I take these courses, I'm gonna be successful. Because this person is saying, like, yes, if you take my masterclass, if you follow me, I'll show you how to get rich, where you're making 500K a week. Um, and you're just like, Yeah, that's me, that's what I want to start. So it ends up looking exciting. Um, what they don't tell you, the truth about starting a business is it's quiet. It's quiet, it's uncertain, you're gonna question yourself constantly. And honestly, sometimes it is a bit lonely, especially if you're doing this on your own. So you're building something while you're also rebuilding yourself because you can't build a business, or you can't even really work in corporate America half the time and be successful in your position if you are not in the right mental or emotional space. It's it's gonna be just reactive again, you're gonna spiral again, you're gonna hear those voices. So I'm just giving examples, um, especially for those starting businesses, and that's the conversations I've been having lately with a few ladies, um, where they got into like jumping into doing something and they didn't understand or was not privy to the part of yes, in the beginning, when you're marketing, it is quiet, um, you're not gonna get all the callbacks right away. You're not gonna have everyone respond to your emails, to your DMs on LinkedIn, um, your referrals, warm uh warm connections, like, hey, this is what I'm doing. I'm really excited. If you know of anyone, this is the service I provide, please pass it along. And you're just hearing cricket. So that's when the spiraling will take effect. And two, if you are a solopreneur, you realize just how lonely it is and the many hats you have to wear. Uh, for example, are you not only a founder or owner, but you're also the IT person. So if there's a new application that you're trying to figure out, or the equipment is not working, you're doing podcasting, be like, oh, my camera is kind of fuzzy, or the microphone, it just cut out, or whatever have you. You're you're having to figure that out as IT. You are also the marketing department, you are also the research department. And yes, you have AI tools, but you still have to be wear that department hat for your own business. So it can be a bit overwhelming. It is lonely, lonely. Um, and again, in order for you to multitask and build something, especially in the quiet, especially being lonely, you have to make sure you are good within yourself. That means you are also rebuilding yourself. And I want to tell you this: there's no instant validation. No instant validation, no clear roadmap. It's just you figuring it all out one step at a time. And I'll be honest, some of the most meaningful parts of this journey for me hasn't always been the wins, it's been the conversations I've had with others and sharing that messy middle of life, of business, of building that business, uh, exchanging of ideas, exchanging of solutions, pivoting when need to be. That's when I felt rejuvenated. Um, I had a bit more confidence. I had my aha. I had my aha moment, right? And so you want to make sure you are having those conversations, you're listening to some of those outside voices that have been there or currently going through there, and they provide solutions. So it's moments where you know someone really opens up and shares where they are, and we basically just talk through it, you know, and that's where the real work happens. So it's not just sharing of ideas and business, but it's also uh sharing emotional experiences. Um, and how do we get through them? How do we navigate that? And again, coming back to how can I support you? How can you support me? Um, you got this, keep going. If you need anything, reach out. It's those meaningful conversations, it's those meaningful relationships that matter most. So, again, you're building a business and you're gonna have those lonely moments, you're gonna have those spiraling moments, you're gonna have that negative voices. So, you definitely want to reach out and have those conversations with other folks who are building, who have been successful, um, who are growing or on the same path as you. Again, where you're exchanging uh exchanging ideas and holding each other accountable as well as being supportive. So if you're in that space right now, here's what I want you to hold on to. Focus on one win a day. That's it. Just focus on one win for the day and write that down. Journal it, put it on a post-it, um on your calendar. Uh just focus on a win for a day. Stop comparing yourself. Basically, stop comparing your beginnings to someone else's middle. Does that make sense? It's um, I I used to do that and I stopped that. So if you're starting something in the beginning and you are witnessing someone that is absolutely ahead of you or done it a little bit longer, you can't judge yourself, be like, man, I should be there already. Because you don't know their path, you don't know their journey. Um, you can ask and you can learn from, but don't compare your beginnings to someone else's middle. You need to protect your mental space like it's part of your business. Because honestly, it is, and you need to build structure early, even if it's simple, because structure creates stability, right? And don't underestimate the power of talking it out, not with everyone, but with the right people. That is something that we need to learn how to do, right? So you're not gonna talk about if you are doing uh if you're a CFO or if you're in a finance space, you're not gonna complain to somebody that is in a mechanic, so to speak. Um, I'm I know that's like a bad example, but you don't want somebody who is down in the dumps or has no knowledge to even understand where you're coming from. Um, and nothing that you're gonna say is gonna resonate with them. So those are the conversations that you need to have. You need to make sure you have it with the right people and not just some random person that actually won't get where you're coming from because then you'll get even more frustrated and you'll feel like, oh, no one understands me, no one sees me, I don't know what I'm doing is right. So it is very, very important that you have conversations with the right people because clarity doesn't always come from thinking more, sometimes it comes from being heard, right? So I just want to recap this by saying like spiraling doesn't mean that you're failing, burnout doesn't mean that you're weak, and starting over doesn't mean that you're behind, it means you're in transition, and transition is uncomfortable, but it's where everything starts to shift, you know? So I want to ask you something right now.

SPEAKER_00 34:21

Where are you right now mentally, emotionally write it down or just think about that? Are you are you spiraling or are you stabilizing?

SPEAKER_01 34:46

There's um something else I I want to leave you with before I close out, and this came to me. I call it a message. Both my parents passed away, and if you've read anything on my substack, then you would know I've written about my mom and my dad. And so every once in a while I'll have these epiphanies, I'll have these messages that come to me, and I want to share this with you. Um, I thought about it last night, and what I wrote down is I let go of the past, I no longer live there. Therefore, I have no past fears.

SPEAKER_00 35:30

What will I be afraid of now? Just think about that. Just think about that.

SPEAKER_01 35:47

So I hope this resonated with most of you. Um please take a moment to subscribe, follow, like, and share it with someone else who might need to hear this message too for today. Because a lot of people are carrying things quietly, and sometimes one conversation can shift everything. And I've been having more of those conversations lately, the real ones, the unfiltered ones, definitely with women who are navigating change, burnout, or rebuilding. And I realize that space matters. So if you're in a season and you need someone to talk it through, you need someone who's gonna get it, and you don't have that outside voice. I'm opening up space for one-on-one mentoring, nothing formal, nothing heavy, just a real conversation with intention behind it. You don't have to navigate this alone. Okay, you can find me on LinkedIn under Sandra Davis. You can also reach out to me, my website for fractional COO work that is elevateopsidory.com. And for the most uh personal journey, uh, where I talk about building my business, where I talk about um self-help and inspiration and the messy middle, you can find me on Substack Elevate Within. My podcast you can also find on Spotify and YouTube, and I'll make sure I include everything in the show notes. And before you go, just a reminder take it one day at a time. Find your small wins. Thank you for spending time with me today. And I will leave you with what my dad used to always say to me after a call. And he said, if no one told you that they loved you today, then I love you. So elevate within everyone, and thank you.