Sexual Confidence & Shameless Living | Jackie Golob

How many times have you said yes when you wanted to say no, or stayed quiet when you wanted to speak up? Jackie Golob, sexual confidence coach and host of the Shameless Soul Podcast, joins Sandy Davis for a candid, unfiltered conversation about the parts of ourselves we were taught to hide.

***This episode includes frank, explicit discussion of sex and sexual health throughout.***

After nine years as a certified sex therapist, Jackie rebuilt her business around a more direct approach to helping women reconnect with their voice, their boundaries, and their sexuality. In this episode she connects sexual confidence to the throat chakra, explains why high-achieving women struggle most to ask for what they need, and breaks down what really happens when burnout makes intimacy feel like one more obligation rather than a source of connection.

Jackie also shares a sexual health fact most women were never taught about their own bodies, and offers a practical exercise for moving through body shame using self-acceptance rather than self-criticism.

What You Will Hear in This Episode

The connection between the throat chakra, communication, and sexual confidence.

Why high-achieving women struggle most to ask for what they need or set boundaries.

What burnout actually does to intimacy and why it isn’t about desire being broken.

A sexual health fact most women were never taught about their own bodies.

A practical exercise for moving through shame using self-acceptance.

Jackie’s closing philosophy: stay shameless.

Connect with Jackie Golob

Website: stayshameless.com 

YouTube: @ShamelesslySexyJackie

⭐ If this resonated, please leave a rating or review, it helps reach more women who need this conversation.

🎙️ ABOUT ELEVATE WITHIN Elevate Within is a podcast and community for high-achieving women navigating the messy middle — the space between who you were and who you're becoming.

🎧 SUBSCRIBE & NEVER MISS AN EPISODE 

🎵 Spotify: Elevate Within with Sandy Davis

🍎 Apple Podcasts: Elevate Within with Sandy Davis 

▶️ YouTube: Elevate Within Always 

📻 Amazon Music: Elevate Within with Sandy Davis

📻 iHeart Radio: Elevate Within with Sandy Davis

📖 Substack: https://substack.com/@elevatewithin

⭐ APPLE PODCAST LISTENERS If this resonated with you, a rating or review would mean everything. It helps Elevate Within reach more women who may need this conversation right now.

📖 GO DEEPER ON SUBSTACK Weekly essays and honest conversations about burnout, grief, reinvention, resilience, healing, and the messy middle.

🔓 Free subscribers — full access to all public content 

🔐 Paid subscribers — bonus essays, early access to upcoming series, behind-the-scenes recordings, and direct community engagement

👉 https://substack.com/@elevatewithin

💼 CONNECT WITH SANDY 

📎 LinkedIn: Sandra Davis 

🌐 Fractional COO Services & Discovery Calls: ElevateOpsAdvisory.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Do you find in your practice or with some of your patients or your clients that they're experiencing the same thing where it's like, you know, I as much as I would love to have sex, I actually don't have the strength or I just don't want to.

SPEAKER_02 0:12

A hundred percent. Like that is the conversation. I laugh because I'm like, this comes up so much. It comes out, yes, with burnt out women, high executive women, high achieving women, uh, women that are moms and just had a baby and they're postpartum and they're touched out and they're just like, I cannot. And really, one of the biggest things that I encourage a lot of these women to do, if they're in those cis heterosexual relationships, so cisgender, right? Men, women, heterosexual together. Um, we really need to be educating men a little bit more about these different things, such as hormonal changes, such as perimenopause, such as menopause, such as postpartum, such as also your natural cycles in regards to when you have energy and when you don't. And one of the biggest things that research shows is like if the men push, that's gonna push the women away more. And so they almost have to be able to also be mindful of not trying to push, push, push, but honor the woman's autonomy in that too, and really honor her cycles. And even when it comes to perimenopause and menopause and even period symptoms, all these different things here and post-menopause, men also really need to honor that because historically, what we would do is we would put women in completely different rooms and spaces here. And this would be because women um had a lot of their natural intuition and abilities come online and people thought they were hysterical, whatever.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

Welcome back to Elevate Within. I'm your host, Sandy Davis. Elevate Within is for the high-achieving women and the messy middle, the space between who you were and who you're becoming. This is a space for honest conversations about reinvention, resilience, healing, leadership, and what it really takes to rebuild from the inside out. Each week, I'm joined by my co-host Claudia Queves, licensed marriage and family therapist, as we explore the stories, lessons, and emotional realities behind transformation. Because reinvention isn't just about changing our circumstances, it's about understanding yourself. It's about healing, it's about letting go of who you thought you had to be so you can become who you were always meant to be. Whether you're navigating burnout, grief, identity shifts, career transitions, entrepreneurships, caregiving, or simply asking yourself, what's next? You are not alone. So take a breath, pull up a chair, and join us at the table. This is Elevate Within. Hello and welcome back to Elevate Within. I'm your host, Sandy Davis. Ladies, let me ask you a question. How many times have you said yes when you wanted to say no? Stay quiet when you wanted to speak up, or convince yourself that your needs, your desires, and your voice matter less than everyone else's. Many women spend years learning how to be successful, how to perform, how to care for everyone else around them, how to be what others expect them to be. But very few of us are taught how to confidently ask for what we need or how to trust ourselves, even to honor it. Today's guest helps women reconnect with that part of themselves. I'm honored to introduce Jackie Golo. Jackie is a sexual confidence coach, entrepreneur, and the host of the Shameless Soul Podcast. After years working with traditional therapeutic frameworks, Jackie realized she wanted to help women in a more direct, practical, and empowering way. Today, she helps women strengthen confidence, improve communication, set healthier boundaries, and develop a deeper sense of self-trust and self-expression. In today's conversation, we're talking about confidence, communication, shame, boundaries, authenticity, self-expression, and what becomes possible when women stop apologizing for taking up space in their own lives. Jackie, welcome to Elevate Within.

SPEAKER_02 4:17

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for having me here today. I appreciate you, Sandy.

SPEAKER_00 4:21

I appreciate you as well. Before we talk about confidence, communication, and boundaries, I'd love to start with your story. What led you to focus your work on helping women build sexual confidence? And what did your own journey teach you about confidence, self-expression, and self-worth?

SPEAKER_02 4:38

Mm-hmm. So we might go on a shameless tangent with this one because I know let's go. People are like, How the fuck did you get into that? Never heard about it. Like, all right, let me give you the whole fucking tea. So we're spilling the tea, y'all. Grab a cup. Um, so basically, ever since I was 12, I always knew I wanted to help people. I always knew I wanted to be a therapist. And growing up, this is my background, my history, my story. So my mom, she's got seven brothers. Her parents were Holocaust survivors because they were Polish Catholic in a work camp. So they came over to America when they were 14. And a lot of their Polish mother guilt trip and Catholic traditions and shame really replaced within the family of origin. And my mom was a second mother to all her brothers, no sisters. My dad, opposite, his family came over on the Mayflower from Slovenia, has five sisters, egalitarian tasks of the household, non-traditional roles, and more spiritual, like do good on others, good come back to you, right? So for me, I have one older brother and I'm the youngest, and I'm the baby, and I'm the only woman. Growing up, I had a lot of gender norms and roles placed on me and a lot of um shame when it comes to that. So that's really what got me into sex therapy specifically. And I remember one memory of like a Sunday dinner, and I was in my teens just learning how to like drive and everything like that. And my mom's like, Jackie, you go do the dishes. I'm like, why do I always have to do the dishes? Why can't my brother go do the dishes? And she's like, Oh, because you're a girl. My dad, I got the best dad in the world, y'all. Love you, mom. Rest in power. Um, and this is one of the things where he like had his spoon in his mouth, dropped it, and was like, No, we are not doing that in this household. He was like, This is a pocket. Oh, Carl, like snaps for Carl over here. So he said, No to my brother, you do the dishes, Jackie. I'm gonna teach you and show you how to check and put oil in your car if you need to. And we basically came back around and he was saying, I don't want gender norms and roles placed on my daughter, I don't want them placed on my son. I want our children to be well-rounded here, and that is not okay. So my parents were very much so opposites. In undergrad in um my sorority, I had a lot of sorority sisters that were like, You're so open with talking about sex and all this stuff, and da-da-da, you should be a sex therapist. And I was like, ha ha ha ha ha ha, that's not a thing. And then they were like, What? Why the fuck is she blowing us off with this shit? And I was just like, Holy fuck. I have this aha epiphany moment when I'm at my Bob Jenjadju, that's grandma and grandpa Polish. They are lake home, uh, in the summer one year. I'm just looking out on the water, just kind of sitting there, watching the sunset, meditating. And that's where when flip phones were still a thing back in the day, right? And um, I was like, were people actually fucking serious about that? And everyone was like, if you do not go to grad school for this girlfriend, you are gonna regret it. I was like, There's grad school for this? Oh, somewhat. Okay. I was like, because I've never heard of it. Yeah. So basically I applied to grad school that summer because what the fuck are you gonna get with an under undergraduate degree in psychology? Fucking nothing. So you gotta go back to grad school to be a therapist, right? And um, I applied, I got in on a whim because other people like weren't going through the program and they were like, hey, we'll waive the application process if you want to come interview. And I was like, sold done. So then go back to school right away to get my master's in clinical mental health counseling. Um, and I really had noticed through that process, I had a lot of internalized shame. I was really nervous to tell my parents that I wanted to be a sex therapist. And I was like, holy fucking shit, I need to go to therapy. And I have the best therapist in the world at that time. She doesn't practice anymore, of course. But she said to me, you know, why don't you come up with all these different shame exercises when it comes to sex and relationships and let's process this in your sessions and what's coming up for you, and then you can help your clients with this. And I'm like, fucking brilliant, genius, let's go, done. So I was doing all of that in the midst of everything, and I really enjoyed that. And I just am like, I don't want to be asked and questioned, you know, by my parents about my sex life during that time in college and whatever, right? So that was what I was afraid of. And my parents were very supportive, right? And sometimes we make things bigger in our heads than they actually are, and they were like, that's great. And I was like, oh my God. So then um after that, I went to school for my master's in clinical mental health counseling. Then I went to UW Stout for my certificate in sex therapy, and then I worked for nine fucking years on that certification, become a certified sex therapist. That happened in 2024, and then I completely burned that business model to the fucking ground because it wasn't a part of my life purpose anymore. And that's a part of my story where now I've shifted into coaching and consulting because when I was working on my Astro Sex programs in Peru, for those that don't know, Astro Sex is using someone's astrology natal blueprint down to the minute and their birth time to help them understand their sexuality, their love life, their intimacy, their pleasure. And I called out to the universe. I was just like, I have all these fucking shame resources. I have all these pleasure work exercises, I have all these sexual self-care exercises. And I was just like, I want people who want to show up and do the work, want to do these pleasure work exercises. My clients with sex therapy are great, don't get me wrong. However, they'll be like, oh yeah, just charge me and we'll see you next week. And I'm like, well, I require we do this before next week, then if you want to be working with me. So I got into the process of called out to the universe in Peru as I'm developing these major programs and said, I'm done doing therapy. I'm only doing coaching and consulting moving forward. The universe speaks, gave me three Astro Sex clients that week. And people were just stunned. And I've studied psychology for over 15 plus years of my life, and there's no theory that is 100% to the person besides astrology and besides human design. And I don't have the time, energy, or effort. I will refer people out that want human design, but to the astrology, you can't unsee it when you see these things. And my clients were like, why is this my sexuality though? And so I would work with them and say, hey, we can look at your astrology birth chart if you're open to that. And then I would read their birth chart and they're just like, How the fuck does she know this about me? How does she know this about my love life, my fears, my worries, my shadows in relationships, where I self-sabotage, how I people please, wounds I've had, what I like sexually, my turn-ons, my turnoffs. How does she know my gender just by looking at this or my sexuality? I'm like, yeah, isn't it spooky and fun and wild? And then they like become a believer, right? Because I know it's out there. And so I was like, universe, if I could have just bought, you know, these programs from an astrologer and just paid the money and not taken so many years of my life to develop this, that would have been so easy. But the universe was like, nah, bitch, it's gonna be you and you're gonna be the one to test it and move forward and it's proven and it's all working and everything like that. So my path is really zigzagged and everything like that. And an astrologer actually saved my life that year because she told me if you don't move forward as a spiritual entrepreneur, you can still do astro sex stuff in these programs, but you gotta keep going with your psychic mediumship and you've gotta develop those gifts and incorporate tarot and really expand into this beautiful spiritual entrepreneur. I fear you're gonna get an autoimmune disease. So for those that are like, why the fuck did this bitch burn her a business to the ground?

SPEAKER_00 12:04

That's that's so random.

SPEAKER_02 12:06

Mm-hmm. So she was looking at my birth chart and she was like, You can still help people with their sexuality, but you are going to be going through your Neptune transits, meaning you're going to do the most out there spiritual thing with your business. However, that's what you are called to do. And if you do it, you will have so much success in that. So you cannot hold yourself back anymore. And she said, I fear therapy is keeping you stuck in a box and there's tension there with these cycles and your transits in the past and the future. Tell me about what was going on in March. And I was like, Oh, weird. I literally called that out in Peru and said, I'm done doing therapy. So you just like can't make this shit up when you trust. So there's all these different beautiful things that I've really been able to blossom into and develop. And it's like a major death and rebirth and a process of letting go and moving forward and me staying shameless with that. And that astrologer also said, like, you have to walk your talk, you've got to stay shameless with these gifts, with all these creations and all these things that you're doing moving forward.

SPEAKER_00 13:09

That's my story. Wow. And the fact that you got three clients your first week of launching, you said that was when I just called it out to the universe and I just said no more.

SPEAKER_02 13:18

And then three clients were like signed on like that. I was like, holy fuck, so there's something here.

SPEAKER_00 13:23

Clearly. When people hear the phrase sexual confidence, they often think about intimacy or relationships. How do you define sexual confidence? And why do you believe it's connected to so many areas in a woman's life?

SPEAKER_02 13:38

That's such a great question. For me, when I think of sexual confidence, I think it is being able to use your throat chakra and speak up and be honest and real with people about what you want. I see a lot of women, and I've worked with men and trans and gender expansive folks too in the past, but more so women, I see this with needing to suppress or repress what they really want, needing to like be smaller and be in their survival instincts, feeling like they aren't safe to be able to ask partner, partners, or spouses what they want sexually. And then also I see this inability a lot of times to not knowing what I like sexually. So then they don't even know because then they haven't been taught that. And then they're trying to learn and educate themselves. And even through that education comes transformation because it's that exploration through both. And so confidence to me, sexual confidence, is being able to really understand what you like sexually, intimacy, pleasurably with your sexual self-care. Because I use all those different words. They're very different, right? And being able to just communicate for that with partners and being able to stay shameless with that and advocate for your sexuality and not self-sabotaging or people pleasing in the bedroom or in the kink room or whatever type of room you're having sex in. Whatever being able to say those things in the multiple.

SPEAKER_00 14:57

Yeah, mentioned throat chakras and others. What is that practice? And can you dive more into it for folks that may not know?

SPEAKER_02 15:04

Yeah. So um, throat chakra specifically is an energy wheel, just I mean, just our chakras, just in general. I am going to try my best to explain that for anybody that doesn't know is an energy system within the body that spins with the wheels and everything like that. It is the light blue color. And when our throat chakra is um just not balanced here overall, we can see ourselves where maybe we are just not speaking up, we become lethargic, we slowed down, we are not present, we may be numbing out, we may be just dissociated because we may be so tired of already having to maybe advocate, or maybe we've tried to speak up for certain things in the past. And then we're like, okay, I just don't give a fuck anymore. And then other people, if it's very much so um online, but like so much to the point, it's almost like you can become very aggressive in communication. It can become very overactive, very unbalanced, very charged, very intense, very fired up type of energy. And that in between is really being able to have shameless, healthy communication. So when I say shameless, I say healthy, honest communication. Whereas we can go both ways of that, where it could be unhealthy if I'm not speaking up and I'm stonewalling and I'm just putting a wall up and being silent and using that as a silent treatment, maybe to manipulate partners in psychological um abuse tactics. That is a shame is a symptom of complex trauma and abuse, where if I stonewall and just expect my partner to know what I like sexually, if I don't say anything, well, that can be an underactive, unhealthy way we communicate. Um, another way could be if we are on the other end of the continuum, it could be a lot of like name-calling and a lot of aggressiveness and like even saying things like to partners here. Like I I love trash rally TV, so I'm gonna give an example for this. The summer house, or not summer house with um the valley. Brittany was talking about her ex Jax and how he was very abusive in his communication and she had a baby and how she was not beautiful and how she was ugly. I'm sure it was much more intensive, right? But he was name-calling, he was being so aggressive, so nasty, so angry in his interactions with her that that can also be unhealthy, shameful communication. So it's really about getting things centered, being able to stay shameless, being able to actually think about what you say before you say it, and having that consideration and honest conversation of that balance, be it with one partner or if you got multiple or whatever your relationships look like here.

SPEAKER_00 17:44

Many women who are high achievers, they're successful professionally, but they often struggle to ask for what they need or set boundaries or prioritize themselves. Why do you think so many capable women find that so difficult to do?

SPEAKER_02 18:00

Because then it looks like I'm not doing well. Like if we flip our hand and we self-reflect and we look at like, you know, the shadow of it, like, oh, I'm not worthy, I'm not doing well, I'm not good enough, I'm not fitting into society's boxes, I have to people please her, I have to look at everything here. I have to show people I can always do it and I will always do it, which is actually an unhealthy, distorted masculine energy where we overwork, we don't bring in that divine feminine, that soft energy. We don't bring in that being versus doing. And so I think sometimes when we are in the rat race of life and we're go, go, go, go, go, especially high-achieving women, they don't want to look like they're less than. And I think it's okay to be able to stay shameless and say, I need to ask for help here in different situations. I need other people to also fill up my cup. I need reciprocity in relationships. And really, the three things I just mentioned are not that much. Like that's based like relationship one-on-one stuff, you know?

SPEAKER_00 19:03

I'm just gonna talk about myself. Um, when it comes to the difference between shame and self-acceptance, what is a practice that a woman can do? Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 19:16

Yeah. Okay, so one of the ones I'm gonna talk about, um, because it depends on what type of shame. So I'm gonna talk about body shame, for instance, because it's summer, right? Women, we tend to be very hard on our bodies, but that's also because society is so hard on our bodies, right? So one of the biggest things that I think is so important here as well. Um, and I'll just share this for myself too. Like my weight has fluctuated. I've weighed 196, I've weighed 125. I don't know what the fuck I weigh right now. Right. And this is one of those things where I'm like, okay, I know for my body, like running is one of my favorite things, but it has been slow moving, right? Like the tortoise in the hare over here. And in the mirror a couple weeks ago, I was just like, God, I look good. I see these lovely changes of like me fueling my body with good foods, my body being able to digest this, my body liking feeling a little sore after a nice jog here or walk run or whatever it is. And I'm feeling really happy and healthy in that. And I know sometimes that can be difficult because a lot of times we like to see the end goal, right, in society. We like the end results, we want to be there already. And I know I've done that as well. So I'm like, I just want to get there already. And sometimes we also have to be mindful of have you looked at the entire every single step and every single thing you do in a day when it comes to maybe body shame, for instance. And so sometimes I know that's difficult. And other times I think it's also important to be able to practice gratitude for our bodies. Like, wow, we have this ability to walk. Wow, I have the ability to create through my hands. Wow, I have the ability naturally to put makeup on my face as a gift. And I've never had to take classes. Like, that is a natural talent. That's beautiful. Like, wow, I love it that my body looks great in this type of outfit. Or I'm so grateful my body does everything that it needs to run and just be healthy. And I don't mean run as in physical running, I just mean we run in the process of everything. So that's one that I think is very important. And also, if and when we do experience body shame in those types of moments, I think it's also important to slow down and just kind of ask and like tap into our um feminine intuitive energy and just ask, well, what is my body telling me about this area right now? Like, what's coming up for me? How can I remain curious? And if these thoughts like come and go and they're fleeting, can we just kind of slow down a little bit and just take a moment to maybe sit in that shame? Because the more that we sit in it and we name it, like the less scary it is. It's like a monster in a bedroom, right, as a child or something, right? It's like, oh my God, a big monster. And then the more you name it that you're not afraid of it, it gets smaller and smaller and smaller. And so I think just even being able to say it out loud is such an important practice to be honest and real with ourselves and also say, I am not my body, or I am not my symptoms, or I am not what I'm feeling right now. And I know I'm having these feelings, I'm honoring them, and I'm not going to suppress, repress them, or use defense mechanisms that later can show up maybe as physical disease, mental health disease, sexual health disease, because that's important too.

SPEAKER_00 22:34

Yeah. And the common theme uh for for a lot of women, high achieving or not, it's you know, the voice, as you talk about the voice chakras, and then you know, self-acceptance, which is also really big. You know, we're talking about our bodies, even as we get older, our bodies change. I I know my body is changing. Um and for women who are burnt out, when they're on the stages, so to speak, where they're giving presentations, talking to um, you know, high-profile clients, what advice can you give to a woman? Because a lot of times it's like, hey, I have to turn on and go, but they'll have like some shrinking, or they're not really feeling 100% of themselves. What is a practice, if any, that a woman can do before presenting or before getting on that stage, before talking to those clients?

SPEAKER_02 23:26

Mm-hmm. I think what you just said, honor what's coming up in those moments and don't just let it hold and stay. Like, just say it. And then also, what is kind of your pre-game ritual prior to going on to a game? Like, I know my energy is very calm right now, very soothing, very grinding. But if I had to get up on a fucking stage, I'm gonna be like, let me get my playlist going so I can get the energy flowing. Like, I'm gonna be loud as fuck because that is the type of energy I want to show up in for that, right? And so I think sometimes too, I know in certain types of corporations, or if people don't own their own businesses, or if they do, and maybe they have that permission to just shamelessly share and be like, y'all, I am not a hundred percent here yet. Anybody else like in the audience? Yeah that's beautiful permission giving. I was on a networking call in entrepreneista one time, and women were like, Jackie, how are you doing? And I was like, I'm here, I've got my fucking period though. So this is just one of those things where I'm trying to like be present and be comfortable and be here as much as possible. And the other women were like, Oh my god, I love this conversation we're having right now because we're just talking about sexual self-care, whether or not they know it, and they didn't say that, but they were like, I just love this conversation because I work with men all day and they don't get it. And it's nice to just bring this in because I have my period too, and I have my period too. And oh my god, yeah, I just got through mine last week, right? So it's like if you have that permission like I do, or if you're like a networking call, it settles everybody else down to then speak their truth as as well. The humanness of it.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

I can absolutely resonate with that. One question I was curious about, and um, I'll speak for myself. Um, when I found that I was overworked and burnt out and in a relationship, half the time I just did not want to be around him. Or when it came time to like, okay, you know, the affection, the pleasure, it was just like I felt like it was a job. And I'm not sure if it was a part of me of like, look, I just don't want to do it because I feel like I have to give, give, give. And I'm already give, give, giving at work. Um, not that there's nothing wrong with giving, but have do you find in your practice or with some of your patients or your clients that they're experiencing the same thing where it's like, you know, I as much as I would love to have sex, I actually don't have the strength or I just don't want to.

SPEAKER_02 25:50

A hundred percent. Like that is the conversation. I laugh because I'm like, this comes up so much. It comes out, yes, with burnt out women, high executive women, high achieving women, uh, women that are moms and just had a baby and they're postpartum and they're touched out and they're just like, I cannot. And really, one of the biggest things that I encourage a lot of these women to do if they're in those cis heterosexual relationships, so cisgender, right? Men, women, heterosexual together. Um, we really need to be educating men a little bit more about these different things, such as hormonal changes, such as perimenopause, such as menopause, such as postpartum, such as also your natural cycles in regards to when you have energy and when you don't. And one of the biggest things that research shows is like if the men push, that's gonna push the women away more. And so they almost have to be able to also be mindful of not trying to push, push, push, but honor the woman's autonomy in that too, and really honor her cycles. And even when it comes to perimenopause and menopause and even period symptoms, all these different things here and post-menopause, men also really need to honor that because historically, if what we would do is we would put women in completely different rooms and spaces here. And this would be because women um had a lot of their natural intuition and abilities come online and people thought they were hysterical, whatever. It's like, no, this is fucking tapping into some intuitive shit. And the women would the men would be there to bring women, you know, the different meals they needed, any beverages, making sure they feel comfortable here, making sure they're well rested, making sure that they're pouring back into themselves. And so one of the biggest things, and my partner and I we have this conversation all the time. I had the I had a bad period last week. I just do. And previously, my doctor was like, we can test for endometriosis, but your signs and symptoms show you got it. I'm like, cool, you saved me some money. I appreciate you, right? And um, respect. And my partner's like, okay, do we need to get you ginger rail, ginger tea? Do you have your weighted blanket? Do you have your um warm water here? Do you have all the healthy foods you need? Do I need to run out? Do I need to get you anything? He was making me meals, doing all this different stuff, really pouring into me. And that also this week I'm like, uh, is it the weekend yet? Like, let's go. Like that makes me more attempted to you. Right. Yeah, absolutely right. Yeah. And he's not pushing or anything like that. And so I think what a lot of men don't realize is they think subconsciously, because women are also trained and societally conditioned to do all these things, to think about the kids, to think about dinner, to think ahead about groceries, to think to who's getting the kids to and from soccer practice, to who's bringing them to piano lessons or whatever it might be. And so we almost need more men to come online with these types of things. And but the more time that men step up, right, and do some of these things, she's less burnt out. And come as you are and burn out by Emily Nagotsky is one of my favorite like resources, not only to give to women to learn about these things, but men also need to be really educating on themselves on some of these books. And then even with sex, you mentioned prior, she comes first. That's actually a book. And I don't know if you knew that or not, but it's like a lot of men don't even realize that as well. And there's so much research about this too. And it's like we need to really make sure we're helping our partners, no matter what, to eliminate burnout or decrease burnout a little bit. And historically, a lot of research has been done on men when it comes to sleep, and we all know women's hormones will change perimenopause, menopause, post-menstruality. I'm going through it now. Yep. And your sleep, right? Your hot flashes, your cold flashes, all these different symptoms, right? That's the thing where um we have to pay attention to that as well with rhythms. And then uh with research with that and sleep studies, they have been predominantly done on men. And what men and society also doesn't realize, there's been more studies coming out on women and sleep, and women specifically need at least 12 to 14 hours at least of one day of sleep, specifically because of the hormonal changes. And then during the week, it's at least 10 hours in bed because of hormonal changes. Right. Because we have all this estrategic and we're meant to nurture, we're meant to give. We need men to do that too.

SPEAKER_00 30:18

Yeah. What common theme of women do you normally encounter when they come to you like help?

unknown 30:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:26

Yeah. So it's very interesting. I have a lot of women who are like, I don't know how to talk about what I like. I don't know what's going on with me. Why can't I have an orgasm? Is this because I'm postmenopausal and I can't have an orgasm? I'm like, I'm not postmenopausal and sometimes I can't have an orgasm. And that's okay. I think a lot of times we fixate on the orgasm and then we put sexpectations and sexual pressure on ourselves to perform and also our partners. And then it's like, oh my God, then shame can even get twisted in that because it's like, oh my god, I'm so bad and I have an orgasm. Well, if you've never had an orgasm by yourself, how can you expect to also have an orgasm with your partner here too? And that's another thing as well, where 80% of women need clitoral stimulation to actually have an orgasm. And many don't know that because many weren't taught that, unfortunately. And other people, it's different as well, too. Like it might be dual penetration and stimulation, it might be different, and that's fine. Some people they can't have an orgasm without a sex toy, and you know what? That's fine. And the secure man will not be upset or mad that lube or a sex toy is brought into the bedroom. Hell no, those are your allies, those are your things. No, they're just like, let's let's go for it. Yes. So there's a lot of like education around sexual health as well as turn-ons, and as well as like, oh my god, am I bad because of these things? It's like, no. So we really want to be able to break down any of the shameful communication around sex that we've been programmed or conditioned to believe whether or not they were actually our own experiences too. And then it's interesting as well. I have some, I've had worked with all of them, some women, which this is always interesting. So I'm curious where the research goes in the future. Or they come and they I ask them about perimenopause symptoms, and they're like, I'm not going through any of that. I'm like, good for you. Don't stop doing what you're doing then. They're like, I take care of myself, I eat right, I kickbox, I see my friends, I love my job. I am able to try my best to balance things out in my life. I ask for help. And I was like, maybe there's something about that last one there. Those symptoms are down a little bit. So I'm like, I'm very curious about that one in the future of research. So I see a lot of women who are almost also afraid to ask for what they want. They're afraid to be sex shamed by their partners. They're afraid because of maybe what they knew when they were 10, which a lot of people know about their sexuality when they're 10. There's lots of research to support that. And then they're afraid to open up and say, hey, like I'm actually asexual. I don't want to have sex as much, or hey, I'm actually demisexual, I'm not gonna have sex with somebody unless that emotional connection is there, or hey, I'm bisexual, and then there's a whole plethora of complications there then, because then people feel insecure or inadequate, or there's like some sort of competition. And it's like, no, that's just this person's sexuality. And if that's that person's sexuality, their needs are different than yours if you're heterosexual. And that doesn't mean it's bad, it just means it's different. We have to learn how to honor that and really embrace that and allow for that. Other people are like, I know I've been kinky since I'm 10, right? Like, I knew I was fucking kinky since I was 10. I was like, Jesus is on the cross in church, and like, why is this turning me on in a weird way? Oh my god, bring it on, right? So it's one of those things where people get so nervous about it and it's instead of celebrating it and and being open about it and just be like, Yeah, this is me.

SPEAKER_00 33:55

And that's a definite uh an empowerment.

SPEAKER_02 33:58

Yes, and there's definitely a difference between accepting a person's sexuality and affirming it. Accepting is kind of passive. It can also be passive aggressive, like, okay, I accept that my kid knows that they're bisexual at 11, whatever. I accept it, versus affirming it and saying, no, my child's bisexual, da-da-da-da-da, whatever. And then years later on in their life, there's other conversations that then happen within that family system, right? Different type of example, but like fucking affirm it, right? Embrace it, stay shameless in it. And this is the metaphor and analogy that I use a lot. I see people in a cage, and they're kind of like a bird that's in a cage. And also sometimes we use that metaphor of like, well, are you flying out a little bit? And if you're flying out of that cage, what would it feel like? And then if you flew even further, what would it feel like? And what would these different steps kind of look like? And then if you go back into the cage, what is that like? And now what if you completely got to fly out and be free? And people are like, I'm done. I'm done hiding myself. Like, I'm gonna stay shameless and I'm just gonna let myself be free. And if other people can't affirm my sexuality, then they're not the best partner for me. I'm like, fuck yeah. That's the part that I listen to. Like, fuck yeah, let's go. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:12

Yeah. I love ending the episode where if you can give one reflective advice for a woman who's listening today, who uh might still feel shameless and needs to understand, like, okay, how do I find my voice? How do I accept myself and be free with it and be open about it? What would you say to her?

SPEAKER_02 35:37

And talk to yourself and talk to yourself about sex. Say, Jackie, you are allowed to have your partner tie you up if you want it. Jackie, you can use lube during sex if you want it. Jackie, you can use a vibrator during sex if you want it. Jackie, you can ask for this sexually if you want it. And you know what? It's okay, because my sexuality is sacred. I am allowed to be with it and shamelessly own it, have it, and also share that with others who are also gonna see that as sacred, as beautiful, as loving. And you know what, Jackie? If anybody shames you for your sexuality, you get to stay shameless and say how, hey, I'm my feelings are hurt with that comment that was said, I don't appreciate it. Please do not do that again. And now I get to stay shameless in the future and hold people accountable to certain things with my sexuality. Because if it happens over and over and over again, okay, too many chances of a red flag. I'm gonna give myself the green flag and actually move forward because Jackie, I love you and you fucking deserve to stay shameless.

SPEAKER_00 36:38

I know that's right. I know that's right. Tell the folks where they can find you.

SPEAKER_02 36:46

Yeah. So stayshameless.com is my website. And I actually have, if you scroll down 75% of the way, I actually have a free shameless communication skills workbook that I really use as a freebie, and it's a freebie gift and guide for people to really get into this communication style more and more and more. Um, and I'm also on YouTube at shamelessly sexy jackie here, where I do a lot of my shameless soul podcasts, my psychic tarot readings, all the damn things, and whatever I want to do on shorts, I do on shorts. So I have no method to my madness with that little section of things. And I'm also just on Facebook, Jackie Golover, LinkedIn. If you want to connect with me, I am happy to do that. If you go find me on my Instagram, like I'm not over there, like I actually had it deactivated. So just don't expect a response from me if you reach out there. So that's where you can find me.

SPEAKER_00 37:34

Jackie, I love your energy. I love you so much. You are incredible, and thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and letting women know to be shameless. That matters so much. So thank you.

SPEAKER_02 37:49

Yeah, thank you so much for having me here today. I appreciate you too. And I love your energy too.

SPEAKER_00 37:54

Thanks. If you'd like to learn more about Jackie's work or connect with her directly, you'll find all of her information and links in the show notes. Until next time, keep elevating personally, professionally, and from within. And before I go, if no one told you that they loved you today, I love you. Jackie, love you again, mama. Take care. Bye. If this conversation resonated with you, you're not alone. That's exactly why this space exists. Elevate within is for the high-achieving women in the messy middle. The space between who you were and who you're becoming. The architecture of reinvention is an invitation to pause, to reflect, to heal, and to begin the process of unbecoming everything you were told you had to be so you could become who you were always meant to be. Be sure to join us each Friday for our Architecture of Reinvention Roundtable discussions, where we continue these conversations and explore the deeper lessons, insights, tools, and reflections that emerge from each story. And if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube so you never miss an episode. For Apple Podcasts listeners, I would be grateful if you leave a rating or review. It helps reach more women who may need this conversation right now. And if you'd like to go deeper, join us on Substack at Elevate Within. There, you'll find weekly essays and honest conversations about burnout, grief, reinvention, resilience, healing, and the messy middle. Free subscribers receive full access to all public content, while paid subscribers receive bonus essays, early access to upcoming series, behind-the-scenes recording, and opportunities to engage directly with the community. If you know of a woman who needs to hear this conversation today, please share it with her. You can find me on LinkedIn under Sanders Davis, on Substack at Elevate Within. And if you're in need of fractional COO work or would like to book a discovery call on how I can help, you can reach out to me at ElevateOpsAdvisory.com. You'll find all those links in the show notes. Until next time, keep elevating personally, professionally, and from within.