How Do You Afford This?

#02: The Real Cost of Weddings, From a 200-Time Bridesmaid

• Ashley Feinstein Gerstley • Season 1 • Episode 2

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0:00 | 48:35

Jen Glantz has built an empire around love stories without actually liking weddings. She’s the founder of Bridesmaid for Hire, host of the 1-800-Bridesmaid podcast, and author of multiple books including her newest, Finally the Bride. In this episode, she breaks down the numbers behind her own wedding, her clients' weddings, running multiple businesses and raising a daughter in NYC. 

Jen and I walk through the $35,000 wedding she almost had, the one she pulled off for under $2,000, how her business evolved from a single $500 service into multiple income streams, and why launching over 100 AI tools changed everything after she became a mom. Plus, she shares the brutally honest scripts she gives bridesmaids who can't afford to say yes, and what to say when a friendship gets expensive.

Jen reveals the real cost of raising a child in New York City, how she and her husband combined finances after their daughter was born, and what she's working toward affording next.

Use Ashley’s Wedding Budget to see the true cost of your wedding, compare venues and scenarios, and plan financially.

Get Jen’s new book, Finally the Bride and sign up for her Monday Pick Me Up newsletter!

Check out Ashley’s Money Club to join a community of women unabashedly going after their money goals. 

Take this quiz to get a personalized Wealth Building Blueprint.

SPEAKER_00

You know, it's so crazy because I don't like weddings. I never liked weddings. I didn't like them when I was going to them in my 20s. I didn't like them when I was starting a wedding business. And I don't like them now over a decade later.

SPEAKER_02

My guest today, Jen, has built an empire around love stories without actually liking weddings. She's been a bridesmaid over 200 times. She runs Bridesmaids for Hire, hosts the 1 800 Bridesmaids podcast, and is authored multiple books, including her newest book, Finally the Bride. All while raising a young daughter in New York City. And today she's pulling back the curtain on the actual numbers. Jen breaks down the wedding she almost had and the one she actually pulled off for under $2,000.

SPEAKER_00

And let me tell you, when it was all said and done, we had saved $30,000 and that felt really, really good.

SPEAKER_02

She shares how her business has evolved from a single $500 service into multiple income streams and why launching over 100 AI tools changed everything after she became a mom. Plus, the brutally honest script she gives bridesmaids who can't afford to say yes. And what to actually say when a friendship gets expensive.

SPEAKER_00

I am here to celebrate you in any possible way that I can.

SPEAKER_02

And she gets real about the cost of raising a child in New York City, including the $45 baby class that's just wheels on the bus. I'm Ashley, certified financial planner, founder of the Fiscal Fund, and I'm asking the question everyone is already wondering. How do people actually afford their lives? This is how do you afford this.

SPEAKER_00

Welcome to the show, Jen. I'm so happy to have you here. Thank you so much for having me. I love talking about money, and I'm so excited to be here.

SPEAKER_02

I know it sparked my curiosity when we had our interview last time. So I'm very excited to get into your life. You get to be paid to be a bridesmaid. You've been in hundreds of weddings. You have a thriving podcast, a newsletter, multiple books that I'm obsessed with. You have built this whole empire around people's love stories all while raising a child in New York City. How do you afford this life?

SPEAKER_00

It is tough to afford this lifestyle. And the only way that I really can is to have multiple streams of income always be on my toes and wear different personas because every hour you have to change who you are and see if it's a business hour or a mom hour. And that could be hard to do.

SPEAKER_02

I love it. Do you have any like tips for transitioning between those different personas?

SPEAKER_00

You know, it's really hard when you're a mom who's also working for yourself or you have your own business because all the hours can blend together. So I try to make an effort to really block off my day. So I know, okay, between nine and 11, I'm gonna do work. And then after that, I'm gonna be with my daughter. When she naps, I'll do work. When she sleeps, I'll do work. So I really try to make my day and my schedule so that I can shift who I am, but in multiple hour blocks, or else it gets too complicated. And also our mom brains, like sometimes we just can't switch every half hour or every five minutes. So it's good to have those blocks.

SPEAKER_02

Yes. And I'm always so inspired because you get so much done. You're out there, you're doing interviews, you have multiple streams of income. And it also seems like you get to spend a lot of time with your daughter. So that's something that you do, I think, craft very intentionally. And I'm always inspired by that.

SPEAKER_00

You know, it's crazy because when I was pregnant, I was like, oh, I was working like 60 hours. I loved to just work. And I was like, oh, when she comes, like by the minimum age that she can go, she's going to daycare. I'm gonna be back out there. And then once I had her, I was like, I don't want to do half of the things I'm doing. And I want to cut down my income streams. I want to re-ramp my business. I want to figure out how to spend time with her and work. So I had no idea that I wanted to do it this way until after I met her and my whole world changed. And I realized a lot of the things I was doing were things I didn't care about anymore.

SPEAKER_02

Oh my gosh, I want to dig into that. But before we do, I just want to ask a few questions around the I guess your passion around what you do, because I do want to know what you cut out. You've just authored another incredible book, Finally The Bride, Finding Love after walking down everyone else's aisle. I have been blown away what an incredible storyteller you you are and writer. Like I feel like I'm in those rooms with you. You host a podcast, 1-800 Bridesmaid, you have thriving business, bridesmaids for hire, where clients hire you to be their bridesmaid, but this like through line is weddings. So I'm just curious, what has driven you to craft a career around weddings and love?

SPEAKER_00

You know, it's so crazy because I don't like weddings. I never liked weddings. I didn't like them when I was going to them in my 20s. I didn't like them when I was starting a wedding business, and I don't like them now over a decade later. But what really got me into this world was my passion for working with people, especially women, during difficult situations. And you might be thinking, what? Like weddings aren't difficult. They're supposed to be the happiest times of people's lives, but often they're the loneliness, the loneliest, they're the most dramatic, they're just overall tough. And you don't really have a support system to be there with you. And that's what keeps me in this business is my passion and love for working with women and being their therapist, like their on-call therapist, their best friend, their sidekick, this person who they can be brutally honest with because they don't know and they know they'll never see them again. So that's what got me into this business. It just happened to be in a wedding setting, which makes me, I think, very different than most wedding vendors who love weddings. I don't really like weddings at all.

SPEAKER_02

You're like minimizing the pain of something that you don't like, essentially.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Yeah, it's so true. Like I never understood weddings. And I think what made me the most upset about them was how much they cost and how much it cost to attend a wedding as a guest or even as a member of the bridal party, which should be such an honor, but it is just so expensive that it becomes something that you often resent.

SPEAKER_02

And you talked about and shared how you funded your own wedding. And I want to dig into the numbers with you. Can you walk us through your wedding budget? What did you actually spend? How did you fund it and save up for it? I know, I know that's a big question, but we want all the details.

SPEAKER_00

So when my husband and I got engaged in 2019, we were originally going to plan this like over-the-top wedding that neither of us wanted, but everyone wanted for us. And we had budgeted around $35,000 to do that. It was coming from our own pockets. We had started from 2019 to when the wedding would have been a year later. We had started putting money away. We had started pooling money from different accounts that we had. It was definitely a stretch and it wasn't something financially that we were both comfortable with, but we could do without going into debt. Luckily, the pandemic, the pandemic canceled that wedding, and it canceled it right as we were signing contracts with vendors. So we didn't put deposits down. We got our, we didn't get, we got our money back essentially, and we weren't out that $30 plus thousand dollars. And when we decided to finally get married, we did it very quickly. We decided to just elope at the venue that we met, which was a coffee shop, and we decided to do it within two weeks of having this plan. So when we thought about it, we said, okay, we're gonna do this really, really quickly, and we're gonna do this for the least amount of money as possible. We spent under $2,000 on this wedding, this elopement. A lot of that money, I think, actually went to my outfit that I was wearing. I had two weeks to find an outfit. I never wanted to wear a white dress. I'm a person who loves sequins, loves something a little bit odd. So I found a sequence suit online. I think I paid like $75 in just rush shipping to get it to me quicker. But I think I spent like maybe four or $500 on that suit. I have worn it multiple times again. It's in my closet. It will stay with me for the rest of my life. And I try to find ways to wear the pants or wear the blazer of the suit when I can. The rest of the money that we spent was on just little things here and there. We had a friend who baked the cake for us. We had a friend who did the photos. We got married outside of the coffee shop. So we spent a couple hundred dollars getting drinks and food for people at when they came to watch our elopement. We only had about 10, I think, people there that day. And the rest of the people watched on Zoom. I did spend maybe like 150, 200 on flowers. I wanted a bouquet. I wanted my husband to have a boutonier. I wanted to have some flowers outside of where we got married, but I left all of the flowers at home. So we got to the coffee shop. I realized I didn't have any of it with me. And I just thought to myself, okay, it just proves how much of a cost that was. That was actually a waste because it didn't really matter that we didn't have it. I had it for the pictures later on, but that was an expense that kind of was wasted. And after that, like we didn't really spend that much money on anything else. My husband's brother officiated the wedding. It was extremely low budget. And let me tell you, when it was all said and done, we had saved $30,000 and that felt really, really good.

SPEAKER_02

That's amazing. And any regrets doing it this different way, right? The scaled back way that COVID kind of brought on.

SPEAKER_00

I think the only regret that we had was that people couldn't be there that we loved. Our parents had to watch it over Zoom and a lot of our best friends did as well. And that was more of a product of COVID than anything else. This was 2021. COVID in New York City was still a thing. We didn't know when that was gonna end. So we decided to just do an elopement this way. And I think that was the biggest regret financially. I think if I could go back in time, I would have ditched the flowers and saved a couple hundred dollars there. But I don't really have any regrets financially because it was in our means. We didn't go into debt for it. We didn't really have to pull from our finances for it. And all that money that we were saving up for that year for our wedding that we didn't end up having, we were able to use those funds for other things over the course of the last five years.

SPEAKER_02

Right. And I'm just imagining so many people in that position where there's a budget that's above what they're comfortable with. You mentioned you both were feeling it. Like this is not what we want to be spending our money on. What advice would you give to somebody in that position where they don't have COVID coming in to like make it so they have this excuse? Like, what were the conversations that needed to happen or what would have helped you in that situation to do something that felt more in line financially with what you actually wanted?

SPEAKER_00

You know, when I was planning this big wedding, I wanted it to be low budget. I wanted it to be different. We were getting married in a gymnasium, okay? So I was like, okay, how much could this possibly cost? Like we're gonna rent the gymnasium for $750. Like that was really cheap. But then things started to add up that I never thought could possibly add up. Just having an open bar for the guest was gonna be over $10,000. And I only wanted to serve pizza. But even just serving pizza for 150 people and having the right type of catering staff and the right type of appetizers and things like that, that was adding up to the thousands. And having entertainment, I didn't just want the standard DJ. I wanted a performer, I wanted something special. Well, that was $6,000 and things started to add up. So even though I walked in there and I said, I'm a low maintenance bride, I'm somebody who's not gonna blow my budget on this wedding, before I knew it, things added up, even when I wanted them to be like as casual as possible, and I had no idea. So I think before you walk into your wedding planning and you make your budget, start to do some research so that you can have an idea of how things might cost. And that is not so that then you can go back and adjust your budget and realize you have to spend more, but it grounds you in reality. I think when you do it the other way and you're like, well, I'm gonna have this $40,000 budget and it's gonna cover everything. I don't think you're doing it right because you don't actually know how much things are gonna cost and you probably are gonna overspend and spend more than your budget once you realize that it might not cover all of the pieces. Know how much things cost, then go back and say, okay, knowing that, here's what I really want and here's how much I'm willing to spend.

SPEAKER_02

I love that. So the bottom up is essentially, like starting with the pieces, because I do think numbers multiply it by a lot, like you mentioned, 10 people versus 150. I think also anything with the word wedding on it gets like premium cost. So it's almost too bad we can't pretend we're just having a party. And then I do think, or for me at least, like it's hard not to get caught up in everything. Like I remember having a conversation about table settings, and I don't remember what my table setting looks like, but I just remember being like, wait, we're not upgrading the charger. Like it was it's easy to get caught up when you're in those conversations, I think. And so it's just so relatable what you're sharing.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and you don't know it, but like you think you need all of these things because it's the first time you're doing this. You never planned a party before. So you're like, of course I need the upgraded chairs, and of course I need the deluxe tablecloths. But the truth is nobody sees that. You won't even notice that on your wedding day. So when you're in the moment trying to make these decisions, never ever make a decision on the spot. When you're talking to a wedding vendor and they're presenting you with all these things and you're about to sign the contract and they're giving you one more upsell, two more upsells, say thank you so much. We're gonna take this back home, spend a week, digest what just happened, ground yourself back in reality, think about the cost, and say, is it worth it to spend five extra dollars per chair so that people can sit in a chair that looks like it? And if you start to think about it that way, you're gonna start to be like, whoa, no, none of this is worth it. And I bet you you're gonna save money that way.

SPEAKER_02

I love it. It's like the 48-hour rule, but for wedding decisions.

SPEAKER_00

You know, that 48-hour rule helps me so much, even when I'm shopping and I'm like, oh my goodness, I need this thing so much. Well, now you can buy most of these things online. So I walk out of the store, I wait two days, and then I'm like, wait, what? What why did I need that so much? Like you realize you really don't.

SPEAKER_02

Right. The impulse. And and with weddings, just the emotion is even higher. So, and the stakes feel higher. So it's even, I feel like it's so much easier, even to get caught up. And and we do all the time anyway. I want to move it to other people's weddings because you've been a bridesmaid in hundreds of weddings. I'm curious, do you have the Guinness World Record for that?

SPEAKER_00

I honestly should. I I know that's something I'm like gonna write down to apply to because I I should. You know, even before I had this job, I was going to over a dozen weddings a year as a guest or as a bridesmaid for my friends. I'm from Florida. A lot of my friends got married really young in their early 20s. So most of my 20s were going to weddings. And then when I started working this job, I went to over 200 weddings over the course of uh 12 years.

SPEAKER_02

Yes. I think you should apply. Next time we have another conversation, I'll be like, in the Guinness Burld book world record holder. So as a bridesmaid, whether for your friends or just at part of your job, you know, when you're hired, have you seen much come up around money?

SPEAKER_00

Oh my goodness. You know, I think this is one of the toughest types of conversations because in friendship, you really don't talk about money very often. Like I have best friends who I've known for decades where I don't even know how much money they make. And when they tell me they got a raise, I'm like, oh my God, that's so great. But they don't tell you how much. Like they're very secretive. Yet I know every other intimate detail of their life. We go out to brunch, you know, it's pretty standard. We just split the check down the middle. But when you're a bridesmaid, it is the first time where money really starts to infiltrate the friendship. And it does that in a way that is unfair, awkward, and not really systematic. So for example, when you're asked to be a bridesmaid, you're like, oh my God, yes, but you have absolutely no idea how much it's going to cost. And being a bridesmaid for Jessica might be so different than being a bridesmaid for Mary. For Mary's wedding, she might say, Hey, I don't need you to buy a dress. I don't need you to come to a bachelorette party. But for Jessica, you might be spending $3,000 on the bachelorette party, $500 on the dress, but you didn't know any of that when you said yes. So all of a sudden, you're in the bridal party and now these price tags are hitting you and you don't know how to say no. You don't know if you can say no. And it becomes really awkward because this is the first time when you might have to have those finance conversations with your friend. Like, hey, I can't really afford this, or I don't really have the budget for this. And we don't really have the tools and friendship to talk that way because friendship usually doesn't cross the finance line. So I see and hear finance conversations so often, whether it's from bridesmaids, people getting married, and also guests, and it leads to a lot of resentment.

SPEAKER_02

It makes sense too, because we're not talking about it in the everyday scenarios, but then now it's like this person's special day. And I think a lot of times what makes a money conversation awkward is when we feel like we agreed to something. Like you mentioned, we agreed to it without all the information. And then now we have to kind of renegotiate the agreement. That's when we feel awkward, I think, because we're like, oh, well, I said yes to this, but now I'm not okay with it now that I know more. But it's a hundred percent true. When there's bachelorette parties can be local and you're just having dinner, they can be thousands of dollars when you're traveling. And so I can only imagine how like in weddings where you were hired, have people come to you as bridesmaids complaining about money, or have you had to navigate like how those conversations happen, almost like a coach, a money coach around that?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you know, when I'm the hired bridesmaid, the bride will talk to me about everything. And often they'll say, Okay, well, here's what I'm thinking about for the batched up party, and I'm thinking about this for the dress. And as somebody who has, I'd say, a negative and or realistic views about weddings and finances, I will tell them the truth. I'll say, look, like the dress is beautiful, but I think it's really tough for you to ask your friends to pay $300 for that plus alterations, plus shoes, plus jewelry. Like, I think it's a bit unrealistic. So I'll try to coach them on staying realistic and down to earth with their expectations. And sometimes they will listen to me because I have been to so many weddings. I have seen so much. And sometimes the people in the bridal party will come to me and they'll ask questions or they'll ask me how to approach things. But even outside of people I work with directly, I mean, I get DMs and emails all the time from people who are like Jen, what am I supposed to do? I said yes to being a bridesmaid. I I love this person, I want to support this person. But if I do, I'm gonna go into credit card debt. Or if I do, I'm taking three of my pay days of work off for this person. And I only have, you know, X amount a year, and I can't really afford to do that. So there's all of these awkward situations that people will come to me for. And as an outsider, as that kind of third wheel, I'm able to give them scripts to use of how to bring up these conversations, but it doesn't always end well. Even though you have good intentions of saying, hey, I can't afford this or I can't do this, it doesn't mean the person you're telling it to will understand in that moment because your friend, this is maybe the first time they're getting married. They just think everything goes in a straight line. They don't realize that people might have financial issues or problems that you're asking for. So they might be pushing back or kicking you out of the bridal party or being mad at you and resenting you. And the friendship might end over finances, and that's a horrible, horrible thing to happen. So I think it's becoming a really difficult thing for women to want to be bridesmaids or want to be in bridal parties because the standards and the price tag are just going up exponentially as weddings and bachelor parties are changing. And a lot of that has to do with what we see on social media too.

SPEAKER_02

Right. The expectations. And what do you tell them? I know that you have great scripts that everyone should go and get if they are going through a specific situation. But is there like, I guess if you could give like a tip for starting that conversation or how to structure it, like what do you tell people?

SPEAKER_00

I'd say never ever, ever agree to be a bridesmaid without knowing what you're getting yourself into. It's like entering a job without seeing what the job description is going to be or how much you're getting paid. Like you would never ever do that. It's the same thing with being a bridesmaid. So if someone asks you to be a bridesmaid, you say, Thank you so much. This is such an honor. I have been hoping that you would ask me. I love you so much. I want to celebrate you and make you feel so special. Before I say yes, I just wanted to get clear on what you had in mind for being a bridesmaid, just so I can make sure that I have the finances to do it and also the time to take off work to do it. And if for some reason I don't, I just want to let you know, like I am here to celebrate you in any possible way that I can. And that sets both of you out for realistic expectations. And the bride, who again, you know, give them a little bit of credit, they might not have done this before. They might not know what they're doing. They just think, oh, like we'll figure it out along the way. So if they're like, I don't really know, but like, no worries, we'll figure it out. You've at least opened up that conversation rather than saying, yes, I would love to be your bridesmaid. And then three months in being like, oh my God, if I say no to this bachelor party in Mexico, they're never gonna talk to me again. And they've told me that like everyone has to come. And now you're in this weird, weird position. So say it up front and don't be scared to say it. Because if that person goes, Are you kidding me? Like, you want to talk about your finances and you want to talk about making it work for you, if that's how they approach it, well, guess what? That friendship is never gonna make it. And this wedding was the spotlight that finally shined the light on the fact that this person has no empathy toward the friendship.

SPEAKER_02

I also just was struck by how loving it was. Like, if it's not like you're like, thank you for asking me, but what is the cost of this and the time? It was like that was so filled with love. It was like, I'm so excited to celebrate you. I have hoped you would ask me this. I want to understand this. And then you ended with more love. It's like a love sandwich. So I think that's such a beautiful approach. And they feel the gratitude, the excitement, but then it's like, okay, but I want to make sure I do this job well. It's kind of like any job, right? Like, I want to know the expectations. On the cost.

SPEAKER_00

You don't know what your friend's financial situations are. Like, I have all these friends and I'm like, oh man, like let's go do this, this, and this. But like, never does it occur to me that they might not be able to afford that because I just assume I know how much they're making or how much them and their husband makes. I'm assuming that. But I don't really know realistically how much debt they have or if they're spenders or savers or other financial situations they might be in. We don't know that, right? And in your 30s, you're like cautious of that because you start to realize, like, oh, you don't really know what's behind everyone's door. But in your 20s, you just assume everyone has the same finances as you. So you're like, oh yeah, Jen works a nine to five in New York City, like she could afford this. But like you don't know. So if you're the one getting married, realize like you've probably never seen the insides of your friend's finances. And because of that, do not assume you know based on just what their salary is or their job title is. You don't know what they have going on. So you really can't ask things of them and expect them to say yes.

SPEAKER_02

Such good advice. And this is kind of along the same lines, but uh when you're hired, you're paid to be in weddings. But what has that taught you about the unpaid costs that so many women absorb to be in weddings or in our friendships?

SPEAKER_00

It's crazy because things add up, right? Like you say yes to being a bridesmaid and you're like, okay, well, I know I'm gonna have to pay for bachelor of party dress and probably my hair and makeup, accessories. You're like, okay, gifts, right? Like those are some costs that you get. But then there's always extras. There's tipping the hair and makeup people, which you don't realize that adds up. There's accessories for the bachelor party, there's going in on the bride's dinner, there's all these extra things like traveling. Well, the Uber rides to and from the airport, like all of a sudden what you thought things were gonna cost now is almost doubled. And that's not really talked about. That's not known. Also, like if you're a mom, maybe it's finding extra child care for your kid or having other types of arrangement that now go into how much it's gonna cost you that nobody realizes. So I think it's really important that let's say, you know, you are a bridesmaid, start to like track all of these unexpected costs so that the next time you go into it, you can really add that in when you weigh your decision of whether or not to do this role. I think that if you're a bridesmaid, it should be free. You should have to spend zero dollars. And if the person asking you can't accept that, that you might be the zero-dollar bridesmate, sorry, then they have to realize like maybe there's something wrong with this friendship. And if you are able to spend more than zero dollars, great, but that should be on your terms based on your finances. I just think it's crazy for someone to be like, I won't be my bridesmaid, you have to spend $3,000. If you can't, this friendship is over. Like that is so wild to me, and yet it happens so often.

SPEAKER_02

And how do you see, because you've been in all these weddings, how are people affording their weddings? How are people affording being bridesmaids when it's like a $6,000 price tag? Do you have any idea?

SPEAKER_00

You know, I always, when I'm working with brides, I'm always like, oh, like how are you paying for this wedding? I want to kind of know, right? And that's not just out of curiosity, that's also just out of like, if, hey, if it's coming from your pocket, I want to protect you even more to make sure that you're not making bad financial decisions just because I care about money so much. I've always been so protective. So I'd say that a lot of people that I've worked with these days are taking a big chunk of the cost out of their own finances and then maybe getting a little help from their family members if that's possible for them. Some people are going into debt, they're taking out extra credit cards, they are taking personal loans to pay for the wedding, they are tapping into retirement accounts, they are doing things that a finance expert would be screaming their lungs at for them to pay for this party that's gonna last one day, but they are doing it. Some people are financially smart and they're like, you know what? I know I want to have this wedding of my dreams, and it's gonna take me five years to get there. So I'm gonna wait five years and they do that. So people are doing it all different ways, but it's not pretty often. You know, it's rare that people have like 30, because that's the the average price of a wedding is like 35,000 and you're getting like nothing for that, right? So, you know, it's rare that people have an extra 40,000, 60, 70,000 in an account that they're like, I'm gonna blow on one day of my life. Like, I don't know a lot of people who have that, you know? So I think people are going to extremes to be able to afford this day, and they're hoping that they're gonna get money back in gifts. I hear that a lot, but your gifts never add up to even, I'd say, like a half of what it costs for your wedding. And also, like you get those gifts and you want to use them for exciting things, like a honeymoon or whatever's next for you in life. Like you don't want to use them to pay off your debt all the time, which you probably should, but you don't want to. So I think a wedding is tough because it sets up your first year of marriage often to be in a financially unstable place, which I think is really dangerous.

SPEAKER_02

I love that you ask your clients about the finances of it. I did not expect that, but I should have because of how focused you are on finance savvy. But I love that you ask that because it gives so much context into how you can support the bride, right? And how you can support the budget and the and the stress and give them some helpful tips.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, even if they're like, oh, my parents are giving me the money, I'm like, well, that's amazing. But would you also rather take some of that money and do something else with it? Like, I'm not trying to talk you out of this like dream wedding, but I'm trying to just let you know that like it is eight hours, like this the whole day, and it goes by really fast. You don't get to eat, you're gonna be so stressed having to talk to everybody and take your pictures, and like you're gonna have like, you know, between five and 15 like memorable moments, but the rest is gonna be like blood, sweat, tears. Do you really want to spend all of this money? Because look, no other wedding vendor is gonna tell you that because they have contracts they really want you to sign and they have these, you know, packages for you. Like, I'm not a wedding vendor, I'm hired to be your friend. So it's a little bit different, and I have no problem telling you the truth.

SPEAKER_02

You're like the wedding financial planner.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I'm definitely like the buttons around here. Yeah. I'm like, do we even want to get married? Like, do you even care about this?

SPEAKER_02

Let's get back to basics here. So I want to hear about your business because it's incredible what you've built. But I'm curious what the most expensive thing a client has ever asked of you. And did you say yes?

SPEAKER_00

You know, so it's interesting because they pay all of the bills when I'm the bridesmaid. So they'll pay the travel, they'll pay the dress, they'll pay for the package. So I never have to spend anything on the wedding, but I'm thinking back to when I was a bridesmaid for my real friends back in the day. I mean, I had people ask like for a $600 bridesmaid dress that again, you were supposed to alter. I had a rule, I never altered bridesmaid dresses ever. I used duct tape, I would sew the hems if I had to, I would buy gigantic heels so the dress wouldn't drag, but I'm not spending money to alter a dress and I'm never gonna wear again. So that was like my one personal rule. But I think between that and bachelorette parties, like that, those are crazy, crazy expensive. Like, I don't go on vacations with my family that are as expensive as some of the bachelorette parties I'd had to go on.

SPEAKER_02

Yes. And I love that because I feel like altering a dress could be like $100.

SPEAKER_00

It's crazy. And these these bridesmaid dresses are made for people who are 5'10. So that's how they're given to you. That's how they're delivered to you in a box. And then you then have to go and alter them. And it's like, why?

SPEAKER_02

I feel like there's a business idea there. Yes. So for your business, Bridesmaid for Hire, I'm curious because I'm just thinking about how much work goes into being a bridesmaid. And I was like, as you had more experience, did it change how you thought through charging? Like, curious how your pricing has evolved, what you're earning from your different income streams of your business. I know that's two different questions, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So when I first started Bridesmaid for Hire, I was working as a copywriter at a tech startup. I had a full-time job. I had never run a business before. I had no idea what I was doing. And I had no idea how to put a price tag on this type of business. So I think the first wedding I worked, I was like, oh, $500 is good. And then I started to work like 20, 30, 40 weddings a year. And after every single wedding, I swear to you, I'd come home and I would up my price. Like I would go to my website and be like, five more dollars, $10 more dollars, $15 more dollars. Because I was like, this is such crazy work. And it's also work that has no boundaries. So you're working more hours than you think and you're not getting paid enough. So pricing was really hard for me to figure out, and it took me years and years to do that. And then I started to realize about like four to five years in that I needed to have more services because all of my services were from me in person, and it just wasn't scalable. And I'd hire other people to work for me, but it just wasn't going to be scalable with having a service that required a human. So I thought I started to think about passive income streams. And at that time, I developed a course that taught people how to start their own wedding business and I had that going as a passive income stream. Then I had my books that were out there as passive income streams. Then I launched a card game in 2021. That was also passive income. You know, you make the card game, it sells on its own. I also had like social media going and my newsletter going. So I had affiliate income and brand deals from that. That was another stream of income. And then in 2022, I had a business partner who was like reviewing my packages. And he's like, hey, one of your most popular services is your maid of honor speech writing because I'm a writer, that's my background. And I was doing like 20 to 30 a year, and those cost a couple hundred dollars for clients. It took me so long to do. And he was really into AI. So he's like, How about we figure out a way to clone you, your writing, and what you offer into an AI tool? And that was the start of launching over a hundred AI tools between 2023 and 2025. And those tools brought in passive income, which was incredible for me because I had just had my daughter, and I realized that I couldn't work at the capacity that I used to, and I didn't want to. So developing these tools with him was also a side of passive income. So I'd say since 2017, I've been constantly thinking of ways to have different income streams that don't involve me leaving the house.

SPEAKER_02

I love that. And also I'm just thinking back to a story when you arrive to a wedding, the other bridesmaids were like, who is this? You just it's it's hard to put a price tag on the dynamics that you're dealing with and how difficult they are and and the last minute stress of sewing someone's dress if they ripped, and you're just it's so it's great to hear that over time that you increase your price. And is this earlier you were mentioning how you were taking things out of your day and your time, like what you're not doing since having your child? Like, are those is this kind of the shift that you were you were referring to?

SPEAKER_00

You know, I still do work weddings, but I'm very picky about the ones I will work. If I know it's gonna stress me out or involves a lot of travel, I will say no. But in addition to Bridesday for Hire, I had all these other little businesses that were not related. And a lot of those were costing me a lot of time. So I had to try to realize, okay, I don't want to do that anymore. In 2021, I started a newsletter called Odd Jobs, and it was all about odd jobs, and it was so fast growing with subscribers. Like I don't even write it anymore, but every single week I get a hundred new subscribers. But I didn't really know what to monetize, and it wasn't like I had passion for the topic. So I didn't do anything with it. And when I had my my daughter, I said, you know what? Like I need to press pause on that and maybe pick it up later, maybe not. But I had a couple things like that where I wasn't so passionate about them, but I was kind of going through the motions with them every week that I just said, you know what? Like I only want to focus on a couple things and not everything.

SPEAKER_02

That makes perfect sense. More focus on the things that not only are working but matter to you. Would you be up for sharing like what the different streams are earning or the percentage of your total revenue that they make up?

SPEAKER_00

You know, it shifts all of the time based on when things are launched, based on how popular things are. So, of course, when like a when a course comes out, you're gonna earn a lot of income because you're putting so much marketing behind it. But now that I've had that course out for so many years, like I haven't really marketed, it's on my website and I get sales every month, but it's not a main focus. And when my card game came out, I threw so much marketing behind it and I got a lot of sales. Now it kind of sits on the website and it brings in sales every week, but I don't really do a lot for it. And then, you know, there's things like the AI tools that run themselves, but they do require upkeep and marketing and things like that. And they have become a larger pot of what we're earning every month just because we've been expanding how many we offer. So I'd say our two most popular services are the AI tools and then the in-person services. Those will bring in the most over the course of a year.

SPEAKER_02

And you were ahead of your time having AI tools in 2023.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you know, and and it wasn't, it was so by accident. I teamed up with this person. This was his focus. And even my husband, he also had the idea too. And I was like, I don't even know what AI is. Like, I'm gonna sound like a robot. But this person was an expert, and he just really was able to just hit it at the right time.

SPEAKER_02

Curious. So I love the pink outfits that you wear every time you film your podcast. How much are you spending on those? And can they qualify as a business expense for text?

SPEAKER_00

You know, it's so interesting because when I started my podcast, 900 Bride and Maid, I wanted to have a uniform that I could repeat and not have to think about. Cause the last thing you want to do when you have a podcast is plan what you're gonna wear. So I was like, okay, I after thinking for a very long time about the uniform, I'm like, I'm gonna go with hot pink sequin shirts. That's it. And any bottom I have jeans, whatever I feel like wearing that day, and whatever shoes. So I went on Amazon and I found like five to 10 hot pink sequence shirts and jackets. And I bought those. And then every time I record the podcast, I just pull from them and they're probably like $15 to $20 each. And that's the uniform. It's nothing fancy. They're by no means stylish, like they're not trendy, but it's a uniform, it's a look, and it allows me to save money and not have to think about what I'm gonna wear when I'm already thinking so much about filming these shows.

SPEAKER_02

I love it. And this is just a couple more entrepreneur questions. I have so many questions for you, but a lot of entrepreneurs or business owners struggle to know when and how much to pay themselves. How do you think through when to pay yourself versus reinvest it back into the business? You mentioned marketing or support around team. Like, how do you think through that?

SPEAKER_00

You know, I never take a set salary because every single month my earnings are so different. So I have an accountant that I'll often talk to to figure out how much I should pay myself that month, but I do try to reinvest a lot of it into the business, not even to, you know, maintain the business because that's relatively low cost to do, but to maybe explore producing different products or test out different things. Like I'm trying to figure out, okay, what can I do to constantly expand? And that may require testing in some money. So I actually have an account, like I have one savings account that I'll put money into that's all about like trying new things or investing in myself or the business. So every time I have like a really big paycheck come in or a brand deal or something really cool, I'll take some of that money and put it into that account as like my try something fun. So that helps me realize, okay, like I have a fun money business account for this reason to use, and I'm not tapping into other money, other places.

SPEAKER_02

I love that. And this is actually the perfect segue to something I was wondering. As someone with multiple income streams, how do you handle months where it varies? So, like it sounds like the good months you put that money into this experimentation investment bucket, but like, how do you handle that? And does that require any systems too, like in your marriage? Because you are raising a child in an expensive city.

SPEAKER_00

It's really hard. Like, I'd say pre-baby, my husband and I kept our finances separate. We had separate credit cards, we had pretty much like separate lives. Like we just did our own thing. I made what I made, he made what he made, that was that. And I was so cutthroat about I have to make a certain amount per month. Like I had a number of thresholds, I had to meet that no matter what. And I did, but I often had to find very creative ways to do that or say yes to literally everything to do that. And it was a constant hustle, a constant source of my anxiety. It was constant burnout. And then once I had my daughter and I said, okay, I'm gonna lean more into the passive income stream so I can spend more time with her and take on the child care. And I want to do that. Like we could pay for childcare and we could do all these things, but I want to do that. And that's gonna come at a cost. Like, I'm not gonna be able to put in as many hours as I did before. And I'm also not gonna allow myself to have the anxiety to meet that number that I used to want to meet. So it changed my mindset. It also really improved my happiness because I was trying to hit a number every month, and that was my happiness. And now I focus my happiness on trying to be with my daughter and live my life with her and the different kind of happiness. But because of that, you know, my husband and I decided to combine more of our finances and to kind of lean on each other a little bit more. And we do have an understanding that, yeah, I'm not gonna be able to work as much, I'm not gonna be able to make as much money. So he does pick up more of the bills, and that's a conversation that we had and a decision that we decided to make.

SPEAKER_02

I love it. So it's like together you're able to smooth it out. What does it actually cost to raise a child in New York City? Do you have any real numbers for us, like around and anything that shocked you as you're doing it?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Oh my God. You know what's expensive? It's like the unexpected things, right? So when we had our daughter, we were living in a one-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn, I'd say a luxury doorman building. And this is gonna sound crazy to people, but I'm just gonna give you numbers, okay? We were paying what what is considered very affordable in the neighborhood we're in, in the building we're in. We actually had like an affordable apartment in that building. It was about $3,100, okay, for the one bedroom. She lived in our room for 18 months because there was just no affordable two bedrooms available. And by affordable, I mean when we finally were able to get a two-bedroom, it was over $5,000. And that was what would be called affordable in our neighborhood. Two bedrooms in our neighborhood are anywhere between seven to 10,000, and you are getting maybe 800 square feet. Like it's very, very small. And that's the price of having a two-bedroom in this neighborhood, and we love the neighborhood dearly. So that was one expense. I was like, oh my goodness. You know, she lived in our room for 18 months. We made it work. We lived in like a 450 square foot apartment and we made it work. I mean, she was walking, she was crawling, and it was it was okay. Like it was definitely difficult, but it was okay. So that was one. Childcare is definitely an expense. I think that people pay anywhere between $25 and $30 an hour for a nanny. And a lot of people have them 40 hours a week. They're paying them, you know, a lot of money every single year. Daycare is also anywhere between $2,000 and $3,000 a month, depending on how many days a week you go. That's expensive. But also things like diapers add up, you know, like that's a cost where you're always getting the recurring shipment of diapers. But you know what was really shocking to me is that when I decided to organize my day so that I would work between, let's say, 6 a.m. and 9 a.m. and then spend the rest of the day with Gemma, is that I wanted to take her to one child or baby class a day. That was my goal. Get out of the house once a day and take her to these classes. Well, these classes add up. Every single class I took her to was between 40 and $45 a class. And what they're doing in this class is wheels on the bus. Like, I mean, it's like very basic things. Like for $45 a class, you would think that they'd be getting like, I don't even know, a gold charm bracelet or like something, but they're literally sitting in a circle singing wheels on the bus for 45 minutes, but it got you out of the house and you're around other babies, and it just was something to do with her. So, like I would do that once a day, and that really added up before you realize that you're like, oh my God, I'm spending thousands of dollars a month just to take her to these baby classes. And that was shocking.

SPEAKER_02

Did it change that, like so? Did it change that you did it, or you're like, I just am now absorbing, adjusting to the shock of this, or did you shift going to them or not?

SPEAKER_00

Luckily, we live in an area where there's so many options. So I was able to find some options that had a little bit less of a price tag or that had packages. So if you came every month, you paid $25 a class. So I was able to figure out, okay, Mondays we do a class that's $100 for the month, and Tuesday we do a class that's this much. But we must spend between like five to $700 a month just on classes. And it's important to me because she's not in school and I want her to be able to go out and be in these classes every single day. But that price is still less money than we would spend if we had a nanny or if she was in daycare. So I justify it that way that it's my enrichment classes for her. But you would never catch me at a $45 class for myself. Like I would never do that. But for her, I'm like, let's let's go.

SPEAKER_02

It's like those reels where it's like my son's wearing $300 basketball shoes and I'm wearing bras from the 90s or something. It's so true. It's so

SPEAKER_00

True, like look at my closet and look at hers, and it's like, okay, that's where the money goes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Right. Oh my gosh. I have so many other things I want to talk to you about. So we have to have you back on because I want to talk about relationships and money. And how old is Gemma, by the way? Just so for reference. She's 30. Okay, got it. So just two questions that I like to ask every episode. What's something about your finances people would never guess?

SPEAKER_00

Oh. Okay. So I am a super saver. I am somebody who was raised to never ever buy something that's not on sale. So when I walk into a store, I go directly to the sale section and shop there. And if there's something I like that's not on sale, I will not buy it until I'm able to like extremely coupon stack online or in person. Like I am just a sale shopper. A store like TJ Maxx or the Dollar Store or five and below are like the best things ever for a person like me. So I am just like a super, super on sale saver. I think like if I was ever somebody who was a millionaire and had all this money, I would never change that. I would never, ever, ever change that about myself. And I think it's something that I like to teach Gemma too is buy things on sale because like everything eventually goes on sale. And if you work hard enough, you will find that thing for a less price.

SPEAKER_02

I love it. So you're not intimidated by a store that has a ton of things to go through. Like that is a fun for you.

SPEAKER_00

I love that. Oh my God. Like I love, love bargain shopping, love going to a disaster mess of a store and just going through every single rack. Yeah. So fun.

SPEAKER_02

I also love that it, I love the question. Like, if you had X million dollars, like how would what would change? And it sounds like this part of you would not.

SPEAKER_00

No way. I just like it wouldn't be able to live with myself having something that wasn't on sale. I just would be like, like, what is the point of this? You know, I just I couldn't imagine. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And what are you affording next? You know, this whole episode is about how you afford what's currently happening. What's next on your list? And do you have a plan to get there?

SPEAKER_00

You know, I think a big part of me is I'm a very creative person and I want to be able to try new things, whether it's new businesses or write new books or figure out how to expand my current business. And I like to save up to be able to do that because I want to take risks without feeling like I'm being financially risky. And to do that, I think it has to come from a place of okay, well, I have this fund of my fun business fund that I'm constantly adding money to. And I would love to see that grow so that I can tap into that for just more things to try and do. And you know, when you are a self-published author, no one's paying you until the book comes out and then you hope it sells. So tapping into that fund to help me publish the book, to hire people to edit the book and things like that, that's what makes me the most excited and something that I think I'm constantly working on adding money to.

SPEAKER_02

You've such a great balance of money, Savvy, but then also knowing when it makes sense to invest, like when it's smart to pay invest in yourself. So, and it's a balance that not many of us manage well. It's like we're either the super saver or the spender in both areas. So it's so inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing this behind the scenes look at your life and what you've built, how you afforded your dream wedding and this money side of love that I think there's so much there to talk about. It's not something you can just look up, you know? So we need the insider perspective. Where can everyone find you and support your work and hire you to get support?

SPEAKER_00

Well, thank you so much for having me on the show. I could talk about this forever. I love talking about money. I think it's so important and just I think it's fun. But you can come visit me, bridesmateforhire.com, bridesmateforhire on TikTok, Instagram, Jen Glans on Instagram. You can find the books. If you go on Amazon and type in Jen Glans, you'll find all my books there, the card games on the website. And yeah, definitely say hello. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_02

Yes. Everyone, go follow Jen, sign up for her newsletter, buy her books, check out the AI tools. Thank you so much. Thank you for coming on and sharing.

SPEAKER_01

Yay! Yay!

SPEAKER_02

Thank you so much for listening to How Do You Afford This? If you love this inside look into how people are actually affording their lives, follow and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. We have new episodes dropping every week, and trust me, you do not want to miss them. And please share this with a friend. You'll get credit for introducing them to their new favorite podcast, and you'll be helping me on my mission to make crafting a wealthy life more accessible, more transparent, and a whole lot more fun. See you next week.