What To Believe
Most of what we believe was never actually chosen — we just find ourselves with it, then defend it to the death. In other words, we don't defend ideas because they're true; we defend them because they're ours. What to Believe is where former journalist turned master coach Neil Bierbaum exposes the bug in the human operating system — a bug that makes it hard for us to face the truth about ourselves, and keeps us believing and chasing things that are not real and don’t matter. He offers a method for looking at oneself and life more objectively, to find signal within the noise, and deal with what’s real and what matters.
Fans of Stoicism will find their next level here in the form of ontological coaching, the field in which Neil spent a four-year apprenticeship, and which he has spent two decades — more than 10,000 hours — practicing and teaching. It’s a method for looking at oneself and life more objectively, to find signal within the noise, and deal with what’s real and what matters.
Neil offers a solid foundation drawn from more than 20 years of coaching, 10 years before that as a journalist, and decades of contemplative practice running through both. (Neil also has an academic master’s degree, out of which he won a research award and published a peer-reviewed paper on executive coaching methods.) His methodology integrates ontological coaching, neuroscience-backed mindfulness, and evidence-based psychology.
Three formats: solo deep dives, listener Q&A, and live coaching conversations.
New episodes Sunday mornings. Come skeptical. Stay curious.
What To Believe
The Illusion of Self-Creation
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You didn't decide to wake at 3am and worry — the thoughts simply arrived, and there you were, trying to get back to sleep. That ordinary moment is the clearest demonstration of something most of us never look at: your mind has a mind of its own, and you come after the thinking, not before it.
In this episode I add a third mechanism to the ones we've been exposing — after the need to be right and the need to look good comes the need to believe we created ourselves. We treat our talents, preferences and convictions as things we chose, then defend them as proof of who we are. But look directly and you can't find the moment you authored any of it.
We test it against the humble sportsperson, the self-made billionaire, the protesting liberal and the tick-box dater — and find the same mechanism running underneath. Drawing on the Tao, Buddhism, the Toltec tradition and the ontological coaching lineage, this isn't a path to resignation. It's a path to freedom, humility and a more accurate relationship with reality.
Come sceptical. Stay curious.
Chapters (00:00) Cold open: the flaw in the human operating system (01:09) Your mind has a mind of its own (02:18) Awake at 3am: the clearest demonstration (04:23) A third mechanism: the need to believe you created yourself (07:27) The boat, the ocean, and the background hum of discontent (09:51) The worship of choice (11:15) Life will shape you: the lesson of the tree (12:28) The lineage: what Eastern philosophy saw (14:03) Why the Western mind resists this (18:47) The humble sportsperson (20:22) The self-made billionaire myth (21:41) Custodians, not creators (23:07) Liberal and conservative: nobody chose their side (26:10) The tick-box dater (27:13) Audience, actor, director: whose movie is it? (29:02) The spiritual ego trap — and where the meaning is (31:14) Reading: "True Leadership" (33:12) Close & a look ahead to Episode 5
Written companion on Substack: https://substack.com/@neilbierbaum
Work with me: https://neilbierbaum.com