The Mindset & Habits of Confident English Speakers

You want to speak English with more confidence. You know you need to practise. But every time you imagine speaking in front of other people, the same thought appears: "What if I'm not good enough?"

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In this episode of the Hey Lady! Confident English Podcast, Emma answers a question from Monica in Slovakia and explores what confidence really means for English learners.

You'll discover why confidence isn't something you study or wait for, why so many learners look for answers outside themselves, and what confident English speakers actually do differently.

If you've ever felt confident in your own language but hesitant in English, this episode is for you.

💬 About Emma

Emma is the founder of Hey Lady! and creator of the YouTube channel mmmEnglish, trusted by more than 6 million English learners worldwide.

Hey Lady! is a global English-speaking community for women who want to build confidence through real conversations, connection and consistent practice.

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Transcript

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You wanna speak English with more confidence. You know you need to practise. You know the only way through it is to actually open your mouth and speak. But then you picture it, the call, the conversation, the group of people that you're supposed to be talking to, and in that moment, one thought slips into your head and stops you before you even begin. Ugh, I'm not good enough for this." Everyone else will be so much better than me. How will I keep up? Will I embarrass myself? Hey, ladies. Welcome back, and a big welcome to anyone who is joining us for the very first time. This is the Confident English Podcast. My name is Emma. I'm the founder of Hey Lady! Which is an online community that brings women together from all around the world to practise speaking English. Every week, we break down the barriers that keep you from speaking English with confidence, whether you're at work, while you're traveling, or in everyday life. If you've been learning English for a long time and you're still struggling to speak up, then you are in exactly the right place, and I'm really glad that you're here. All right, Let's get into today's episode. So this episode was inspired by Monica from Slovakia, and Monica writes, Hey, Emma. I know I must practise my speaking, but when I imagine speaking in front of other people, I think"My God, I can't do that! My English is so bad compared to them." I'm not a shy person in my language, so how can I be more confident? How can I speak more naturally in English? Monica, thank you so much for asking this so honestly, because I know that you're not the only one who is sitting with this fear and wondering why your natural confidence isn't coming through in your English. And I wanna answer it, but I wanna answer it a little differently to how you might expect. So Monica is asking how to become more confident as an English speaker, and this is a really great question, one that I love to talk about. If you're a member of the Hey Lady! community, or you've been listening to any of these episodes, you'll already know that confidence isn't something that you can study. Like any skill, confidence is something that grows along with experience. But today I wanna go a little deeper with you because I think that there's a more powerful question underneath this. Not just how do I become more confident, but who do I need to become to have the life that I want in English? Because the women that I've seen build real confidence in English, the ones who go from staying quiet to leading conversations, from avoiding English to seeking it out, they didn't just find the right technique. They made a decision about who they were going to be, and then they started living like that person. So that is what I wanna talk about today. Think about the woman that you want to be in English, the one who speaks with ease, the one who doesn't freeze when someone asks her a question, the one who travels and presents, connects and laughs in English without that knot in her stomach all the time. Who is she? She's not the woman who found some magic method. She's not the woman who waited until she felt ready. She's the woman who decided that becoming a confident English speaker was worth the discomfort of getting there. She speaks before she feels ready. She makes mistakes, and she keeps going. She has a routine, not because she always feels motivated, but because she decided, probably a long time ago, that practice matters more than comfort, so she seeks out conversations instead of avoiding them. She sits with that nervous feeling instead of letting that nervous feeling make decisions for her and leave. She's not fearless, but she's just stopped letting that fear have the final say. Most women at this point in their English journey are looking for an extrinsic solution. Now, that might be a new word for you, extrinsic. Extrinsic means coming from outside of yourself. So when I say that most women at this point in their English journey are looking for an extrinsic solution, I'm talking about something beyond themselves, the right course, the right teacher, the right app, or the right moment when you finally feel ready. Something that's out there that's gonna fix the problem in here. The opposite is intrinsic, and that means it comes from within, from your own values, from your own decision, your own sense of who you are and who you're becoming. Now, I think it's really easy to understand why all of us, we often reach for these extrinsic solutions. It feels easier, and it feels safer to look outside yourself for the answer. Because if the right course just hasn't come along yet, you don't have to feel responsible for that gap between where you are and where you want to be. But no course, n- no teacher, no app can make the intrinsic decision for you. They can give you the language, the rules, but they cannot give you the decision to use it. The woman who has the life that she wants in English, she's stopped looking outside of herself for these answers. She's taken that responsibility for her own practice on. She's made it a priority. Even when life is busy, even when she doesn't feel like it, even when she's tired and her English feels worse than yesterday. So what does it look like when you have the mindset and the habits of that confident English speaker? Well, it looks like deciding that you will speak English this week, not because you feel ready, but because you decided it matters and it's your priority. It looks like finding one conversation, one group, one person, and showing up even when it's not easy or comfortable. It looks like staying in the conversation even when you really just wanna go quiet. Saying, " Give me a moment," instead of apologizing and making excuses, or asking," Can you say that again?" without feeling shame for that. These are not signs of weakness. These are the habits of someone who has decided that she belongs in a conversation even while she's imperfect. And when you hear a woman in a conversation, a woman who speaks with more ease than you do, stop measuring yourself against her. Look at her differently. She's not proof that you don't belong in this conversation. She's proof that it's possible. She is who you are becoming. More fluent doesn't mean more worthy. Faster doesn't mean better or more intelligent. You belong in the conversation right now exactly as you are. Now, I am well aware that all of this is easier said than done, and that's not a weakness either. It's just a fact. When you're becoming a different version of yourself, it is so much easier to do it when you are surrounded by others who are also doing the same thing, where the identity that you are growing into is normal and it's celebrated, where showing up in this imperfect way is expected and respected, where the women who are around you, they are also choosing practise over comfort, routine over excuses, courage over waiting or hesitating. That kind of environment doesn't just support the person that you want to become, but it helps you to become her faster. So let's come back to Monica's question. Monica's question was, "How do you become confident enough to try, to start?" So you start by asking yourself this bigger question," Who do I need to become?" And then you take one small step towards being that person this week. It's not a perfect step, not a fearless one, just one step, one conversation, one moment where you stay in it instead of backing away. One decision that says, " I'm the kind of woman who chooses to back herself." Now, if you, dearest listener, if you are looking for this environment, an environment to become that woman, Hey Lady! was built for exactly this. Women from all around the world together on the same journey, all choosing to show up and to practise. It's not a place to hide. It's a place to become. And you can try it for free for seven days if you'd like. You can join a conversation or two, see how it feels, and make a decision for yourself. The link to join is in the description or in the show notes. And before we go, I wanna hear from you in the comments. What is the fear that is stopping you from speaking English right now? Tell me in the comments. I read every single one, and I love hearing from you. Thank you for spending some time with me today on the Confident English Podcast. And remember, confidence is not something that you wait for. It's someone you decide to become. I'll see you next time.