THE SAFEWORD SOCIETY EPISODE 6 - TO BOX OR NOT

Welcome to Episode 6 of The Safeword Society! 🖤

This week we're talking all about labels in BDSM. Are you a Dom? A Sub? A Switch? A Top? A Bottom? Or do none of those labels quite fit?

We explore how your identity can evolve over time, why the role that fits today might not fit tomorrow, and why you don't need to force yourself into a box just to feel like you belong.

We also share our own experiences navigating a D/s dynamic, how our relationship has changed over time, and discuss real conversations with friends and members of our BDSM community that you may find yourself relating to.

In this episode we cover:
 - Dom/Sub dynamics 
 - Switching 
 - Tops vs Bottoms 
 -Free Use 
 - Power exchange 
 - BDSM events 
 - Finding your place in the community 
 - Why labels aren't a requirement

Whether you're brand new to kink or have been in the lifestyle for years, this episode is a reminder that exploration is part of the journey, and it's perfectly okay if your labels change... or if you don't want one at all.

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Patreon: https://patreon.com/MrandMrsG

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

I'm Mr. G. I'm Mrs. G. And this is a safe word society. So buckle in for another week of chaos.

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Well done. Yeah, got there eventually.

SPEAKER_02 0:12

I wonder why it took us so long.

SPEAKER_00 0:14

Because you're just so unprofessional.

SPEAKER_02 0:18

Wow. And it's another even number episode.

SPEAKER_00 0:23

Oh, you're locked in, which means anything can happen this one.

SPEAKER_02 0:26

It means I'm locked in, but also means it's my subject.

SPEAKER_00 0:29

Is that the way we're doing it? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:31

I feel like that's how it's fellow. I could be wrong.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it has.

SPEAKER_02 0:35

But I think it's me.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

It is because episode four was the uh episode four was the Niche Kinks.

SPEAKER_02 0:40

Niche Kinks. And yeah. I can't remember what episode two was now. Oh. Oh no, episode two was you because you did dream scenes.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

Yeah. So you owed an episode. What was you gonna say?

SPEAKER_02 0:54

I really want to talk about something which I think people don't necessarily understand unless you're in the kink community itself.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:02

So not all tops are dominants. Not all bottoms are submissives. And of course you've got your switches in there as well.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:14

Because I think people read books like Fifty Shades of Grey or all the other smarty books that exist right now. And just think if you're a bottom, you're a submissive. Also, not all submissives are slaves and not all dominants are masters. Like there's a whole spectrum to this.

SPEAKER_01 1:30

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:32

But some people in the kink world just enjoy topping and bottoming.

SPEAKER_01 1:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:38

Doesn't make them any less kinky.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

No.

SPEAKER_02 1:41

Doesn't make it thingy. But some people just don't want to be a dominant or a submissive.

SPEAKER_00 1:46

Some people, I remember speaking to someone about this, and um they were like, I just don't want to label.

SPEAKER_02 1:53

Yeah, some people don't even want a label.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

Sometimes I turn off and I want the shit beaten out of me. He said, sometimes turn off, I want to beat the shit out of someone. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:01

The thing we've always said about this is, for example, you are my only dominant. Yes. I am your only submissive. Yes. We play with other people. Yes. But when I play with somebody else, I am not submissival to them. I'm not submitting to them. Yeah. I am bottoming for them. When you top somebody else, you are not their dominant. You are not topping them.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

No. And it's sorry.

SPEAKER_02 2:25

No. You are not dominating them. You are just topping them.

SPEAKER_00 2:29

Just topping, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

Which is This is so weird to watch you try and try and talk.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

Um it's a it's a term used, but it basically means it's not that deep.

unknown 2:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:42

It's not even that it's not that deep. So for us in a scene like that, so if I'm being a bottom to somebody, they have no right about anything in terms of like kneel for me or whatever. Like in my view, they are topping me for that scene.

SPEAKER_01 3:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:00

And we will negotiate what's going to happen within that scene, but it is for that scene.

SPEAKER_00 3:05

Yeah. Let's give an example of something that's happened between us and a good friend, Mr. Whips and Sticks.

SPEAKER_02 3:12

Okay, go on.

SPEAKER_00 3:13

There was a time where you went to play club.

SPEAKER_02 3:14

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 3:15

You'd done a scene with Mr. Whips and Sticks. Yep. You came home to me.

SPEAKER_02 3:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:19

Job done.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:20

There was no kneeling for Mr. Whips and Sticks. There was no like sort of no deepest level of submission then. Yeah. There was no stuff you'd expect from a DS dynamic. And no. There was no sort of rules. There was no this, there was no that. It was just turn up, do a scene with your mate, behave for your mate. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:38

But that came from you.

SPEAKER_00 3:39

Yeah. But that that's still a bottoming aspect of it, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 3:44

So it's like, for example, when we are when you're doing a scene as a bottom, in my my opinion, and this is my opinion, it is that there's not that um not that level of emotional element. So I will negotiate a scene with someone as a bottom, and within that, if they said, for example, I want you to take your collar off. Well, is there a safety aspect to that? Because if not, then no, actually, I don't know. Yeah, I get you for that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

Yeah, I get you for that. Like the scene you go to someone for should not infringe on our TS.

SPEAKER_02 4:20

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 4:21

Yeah. That's probably a better way of putting it.

SPEAKER_02 4:27

But in terms of people who top and bottom, there are some people who do not want to live DS dynamic, or they don't want to do a DS dynamic from time to time. Yeah. But they still enjoy doing kink. Yeah. They still enjoy topping and bottoming. Yeah. And there it is for that scene, for that moment, for that period, however many times it happens. Yeah. Like I could bottom for the same person multiple times. Yeah. That would not then make us in a form of a dynamic.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

That wouldn't make you their submissive.

SPEAKER_02 4:57

But I feel like from the outside looking in, people might see me do a scene with someone else and be like, oh, they're that's they're they're submitting to them.

SPEAKER_01 5:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:03

And some people do do that. Don't get me wrong, some people negotiate to have a DS scene.

SPEAKER_00 5:09

Yeah. Because uh some some people can do pick or play high protocol.

SPEAKER_02 5:13

Yeah, and they do that as a DS scene.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

DS orientators.

SPEAKER_02 5:17

And they will do that as a negotiated DS scene.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:19

But there are some people who top and bottom in high protocol and there is no DS involved. Now, this to somebody who's not in the kink scene probably sounds like we are just chatting riddles.

SPEAKER_01 5:27

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:28

But it to me it's all about the emotional side of it. I don't know what other people's opinion on it, yeah. But to me, it's the emotional side of it.

SPEAKER_00 5:37

Yeah, it is more about connection and stuff like that, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 5:40

And also topping and bottoming doesn't mean there's no aftercare.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

I was gonna say that, yeah, because when I'd done a scene with one of our friends years ago now, there's still aftercare and everything like that. There was still, you know, um your pre-talk and stuff like that, and you know, what are your sort of safety warnings? Do you put your hand up, do you say words, do you shake, do you wiggle, or um and you know, you still go through all them steps, but you you're right, it it doesn't for me anyway, it doesn't sort of if I was to do the same scene with you, it'd feel a deeper level, if you get what I mean. Um whereas when I did that scene, it was just like just doing a scene with my mate.

SPEAKER_02 6:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:28

It's like that sort of mindset.

SPEAKER_02 6:30

Yeah. I think that brings me on to something else whilst we're in this thing, and that this is what our episodes are like. They move. I think people don't realise that not everyone's compatible to do a scene because of the aftercare requirements. That is controversial but true, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_00 6:46

And uh that's something we've worked into our sort of questioning now. What does your aftercare look like?

SPEAKER_02 6:53

Yes, because if someone wanted aftercare from me immediately, if that as a dominant or a top is what they needed, was immediate aftercare where I'm coddled up to them and they're giving me a I don't do that with anyone but you. Personally, for me, if I do a scene with somebody else and I feel like I need aftercare, I will make sure you're either at the event or I'm doing it at a time where I know I can go home straight to you, and that is within my own risk profile. I personally want minimal aftercare of are you okay? Do you need anything? Let's go and sit and have a coffee and a chat.

SPEAKER_00 7:25

Yeah, that does you, don't I?

SPEAKER_02 7:26

That does me. That's my that's all I need from somebody else.

SPEAKER_00 7:30

Oh, yeah, really good, really enjoyed it. Thank you so much. I'm okay, just need a puppy.

SPEAKER_02 7:34

I don't enjoy intimacy with anyone but you.

SPEAKER_00 7:36

Yeah, same.

SPEAKER_02 7:37

And some people enjoy intimacy with other people, and there is literally nothing wrong with that.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:42

I am not one for intimacy unless it's with you.

SPEAKER_00 7:44

Yeah. Yeah. Don't get wrong, throw an arm around someone, give them a hug and all that. But like the prolonged sitting on the couch, head strokes on your lap and stuff like that, that's not for me. And that's just some people need that.

SPEAKER_02 8:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:02

And and that that's fine. That just means that we don't click together in that way. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:06

And that's it. And I also think there's nothing wrong with that. Yeah. I think you could be compatible to do a scene together, but your aftercare isn't compatible. And that's okay to say no to doing a scene because it's still the same thing.

SPEAKER_00 8:17

But that that that's just being more responsible. Yeah. Because that that's not saying right there's something wrong with your aftercare together. I can't give you the level of aftercare you need, but let me still beat the shit out of you.

SPEAKER_02 8:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:30

Go find someone else for your aftercare. Like that's really irresponsible.

SPEAKER_02 8:34

Or in return, you being like, I'm gonna do aftercare that I'm not comfortable with because I really want to do this scene.

SPEAKER_01 8:40

Yeah. Yeah, or that.

SPEAKER_02 8:42

And that does not mean there's anything wrong with anyone's aftercare because aftercare is aftercare, and genuinely everyone has different things.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

Everyone has different and yours is different. Mine's very depending on the scene. There's sometimes we've done impact scenes. And the the one in particular where um someone gave us some lip and we were like, shut your mouth, or you're on the bench after this. And they went, Well, yeah, go ahead then. Yeah. But it was the other person's partner. You were being double topped at the time, weren't you? It was the other person's partner. And um we finished the impact scene with you. I said, You're alright. Yeah, just gonna get a coffee.

SPEAKER_02 9:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:16

Come and see me after this.

unknown 9:17

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 9:19

Whereas normally we will immediately spend time together those scene, personally. It depends on the scene though, doesn't it? Um if we don't do like a silly, light-hearted scene.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

Then yeah. It's it is just like an arm round, kiss her on the fore, you're alright, yeah. That was okay. Yeah. Is anything hurting? No, I'm good. Sounds good. Do you want to drink? I'll go get it. Yeah. That's what it was, uh obsession, weren't it? Yeah. But that was just a fucking laugh. That was just hilarious. That was a fucking laugh.

SPEAKER_02 9:44

But I think coming into this lifestyle, not everyone understands that DS is incredibly different for every single person.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

Oh, it is, yeah, because it's their DS dynamic.

SPEAKER_02 9:55

Yeah. I think people don't realise within this um scene, your kink is enough. And we've said this in a Patreon video, but I'm gonna say it here on the podcast. Yeah. However, you do kink, whatever you do is enough. If you're happy, you're happy. If you're safe, you're safe. Fuck that, yeah. Yeah. I've said it before, impact is the least thing we do. Yeah. And if we do impact, it's for fun.

SPEAKER_00 10:21

And it's taken us years to get round to that, hasn't it?

SPEAKER_02 10:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:25

Because you come in, you see loads of people doing doing impact, and you see people with the big bruise, and you think, oh shit, that that's that's how to do impact, right? Well, you know, let's fucking crack on at it. And um it wasn't till well, it was a few years ago now, but we were just like, that doesn't work for us.

SPEAKER_02 10:43

That's just not what we enjoy personally. And then you realise that you know what, that's okay. Yeah. For some people, water isn't for them, and that's okay too. Like I think you genuinely cannot have a right way of doing kink.

SPEAKER_00 10:57

As long as it's safe, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, does it? No.

SPEAKER_02 11:01

Um and again, that's what applies to me for topping and bottoming. You don't need to be in a D ice dynamic to be kinky. I'm sorry, you don't. You don't need to want to be submissive to be kinky. No. You don't being the switch doesn't make you less kinky. There are so many things I could go into that I feel like are just so important to put out there in this episode that it's not even gonna cover it properly.

SPEAKER_00 11:19

No, I know, I know, I know. It's like take for example, um me and um RJ, uh, obsession.

SPEAKER_02 11:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

We we got a dragon tail of choice and we hit each other with them. That doesn't make us bottoms.

SPEAKER_02 11:35

No, it was just dueling between friends.

SPEAKER_00 11:37

But that uh we're we are gonna do a proper duel at uh at some point. Um but again, that's I don't feel like that's bottoming. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, not everything needs to have a label.

SPEAKER_02 11:48

No, oh my god, and that that's the thing, isn't it? Not everything needs to have a label.

SPEAKER_00 11:54

We were um they take it back to Battle of the Sadists again, and then every I know it's only banter, but loads of people will be like, oh my god, look at them, they're subbing for each other and stuff like that. And it's just like it's not what it is, yeah. It's it it's a laugh, like it's it's it's just a laugh, and it was for charity, yeah. Um but yeah, not not everything does deserves label. Like I said, that person who said to me, I I don't want to label, I just want to come here with my mates, and on the night I'll decide what I'm gonna do. And I love that, you know. If the other person's up for it, fucking sad, they'll do that.

SPEAKER_02 12:28

I love that because I think more people could do with realizing that how you do kink is okay.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

It is, and the the two people we seen when we were at Maxwell Manor, we done the road performance. Yes, were they both switches? I can't remember now.

SPEAKER_02 12:42

I believe so, yes.

SPEAKER_00 12:43

Did we or they switched for each other?

SPEAKER_02 12:45

No, I think they're both switches, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:47

I could be wrong. Um and again, speaking to them, it was like, oh my god, that that's like I I I I know it wouldn't work for us, but like seeing how well it works for other people, it's like, you know what, that is sick.

SPEAKER_02 12:59

Yeah, because we always talk about I don't have a dominant bone in my body. And everyone jokes about the fact, oh Mrs. G, you do have seen you hit people with a flogger, like you are toppy. That makes me uncomfortable personally.

SPEAKER_00 13:11

You don't like it at all, do you?

SPEAKER_02 13:13

I'm not toppy. I don't want to be toppy. I don't enjoy that, and I don't enjoy that label.

SPEAKER_01 13:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:21

Um, and that's not to take away from friends who joke about it with me. Yeah. Because there are friends who joke about it and it is joking. Yeah. And then there are friends who joke about it, but it's not really joking. Yeah. But I I I sit firmly in my submissive label and I like my label. Even if, as a joke, I spank a friend or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 13:37

Yeah. That's a that's not a top one, though, is it? But some people would view that as me topping. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:42

And I don't think that I think that's where labels go too far as well. Just because you see someone doing something like you say, doesn't mean it needs a label. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:52

Yeah.

unknown 13:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:53

Kink can just be kink for the sake of being kink and fun.

SPEAKER_00 13:56

It's like I I tried needles. I've had one needle in me, just see what it was like. That doesn't mean I was bottom bottoming.

SPEAKER_02 14:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:03

Doesn't mean the other person topped me into needles.

SPEAKER_02 14:05

Yeah, it is just. Sometimes kink is just exploring and having fun.

SPEAKER_00 14:09

Of course it is. Of course it is, yeah. Um, but I think that's the other thing that people get so wrapped up in, especially new people. They're like, I want to be a sub.

SPEAKER_02 14:19

They or they want to f they they want to find a box.

SPEAKER_00 14:23

So I need to fit it. I need to find a DOM.

SPEAKER_02 14:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:25

And it's like, no, you you don't. Like, you know, if you want to dip your toe in, does you can just come to an event and try bottoming and you'll know from that.

SPEAKER_02 14:36

Yeah, I think some people feel like to exist in this community, you have to have it all figured out.

SPEAKER_00 14:42

Yeah, figure it out on the way. That's fine. Figure out what you do along.

SPEAKER_02 14:45

Some people evolve. I know friends who've been bottoms and they're now 90% tops, 90% of the time.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

We we know friends who are strictly um dominant who now occasionally switch. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:59

And that doesn't make them less of a dominant.

SPEAKER_00 15:01

No, god not.

SPEAKER_02 15:02

Like they still prefer to stick in their dominant label. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they enjoy switching.

SPEAKER_00 15:05

Every now and again, for the right person, they will bottom.

SPEAKER_02 15:08

Yeah, and in return, same in return, yeah, they're strictly top, but they will bottom on occasion. Doesn't make them any less of a top.

SPEAKER_00 15:16

No. I don't and even when you see it in the club or an event or wherever, you're like, oh my god, no way, look at so-and-so.

SPEAKER_02 15:24

Yeah, and it's not a label thing. And I think I would love people to realise that to come into this lifestyle, you don't have to have it all figured out.

SPEAKER_00 15:30

No, you don't.

SPEAKER_02 15:31

You don't have to know what box you sit in, where you want to sit, and you don't even have to sit in a box.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

No, I thought it's probably better that way because then you try more things and then you get awakened into these other and you might find a box that you go, actually, this is firmly my box, and I like my box. This is my box, I'm keeping it.

SPEAKER_02 15:47

You might never have a box.

SPEAKER_00 15:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:49

And that is absolutely okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

Does d again do it because we know so many people now. We've seen so many people.

SPEAKER_02 15:56

Like the scene's evolved so much from the old school now. It has.

SPEAKER_01 16:00

It has. Yeah, well, yeah, it was it was very boxy.

SPEAKER_02 16:03

Not in a bad way. That's not me saying it was in a bad way. No. But it was just people had their boxes and they liked their boxes. Whereas now it's so much more fluid and stuff. And I think I just want people to know there's no shame in being who you are, there's no shame in being into kink. And you don't have to have it all figured out to come along to a kink event and start seeing stuff. You don't don't have to be a certain level of kink to come to a kink event.

SPEAKER_00 16:25

God no.

SPEAKER_02 16:26

Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 16:26

Yeah, I know. It's it's like obsession just gone. There's people who came just for a social.

SPEAKER_02 16:33

And just to see what kink scenes were like in person.

SPEAKER_00 16:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:36

And that's okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:37

Did they came to an event that is known for scenes from the minute you walk in for a social.

SPEAKER_02 16:46

Yeah, and that's okay too. So if people can come to one of those events for a social, then and you can go to munches and you might not figure out from munches, but you'll meet some people in the community who maybe then make you brave enough to go to an event.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

That's what I mean. As soon as you start chatting to people and they're like, well, you know, oh well, you know, we did this scene a few weeks ago, or I'm I'm usually into this. In your brain, you might go, that sounds quite fine. I might be into that.

SPEAKER_02 17:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:10

And that's all it is, isn't it? Really? Think just thinking, oh, I might be into that.

unknown 17:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:15

I'm gonna try that.

SPEAKER_02 17:16

Yeah. And do you know what? There's nothing wrong with trying it. And there's nothing wrong with trying something and not liking it.

SPEAKER_00 17:21

Yeah. Yeah. There's there's things we've done where you've just you know we've got it set up and you've just instantly, nah, not for me. Or or I've said, no, it's not for you.

SPEAKER_02 17:32

Yeah. Or you've had it's not for you.

SPEAKER_00 17:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:36

And there's nothing wrong with that either.

SPEAKER_01 17:37

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:39

Like I just genuinely wish that more people would be uh not brave enough, more people would be normalized into believing this lifestyle is for anyone who wants to be in this lifestyle. It is. It is, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:56

Because there's enough of it out there that there's something for everyone.

SPEAKER_02 18:01

There is something for everyone. There is an event for everyone.

SPEAKER_00 18:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:04

Like throughout this country, there's so many kink events that go on. There's no right kink event for anybody.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

There's even events where for people, just the fashion side of it.

SPEAKER_02 18:14

Yeah, there's an event, there's like, but there's also events where it's more like like rave focused, for example, and then you know, I genuinely think there's something for everyone. And if you're curious about this lifestyle, you can find something for you.

SPEAKER_00 18:29

Of course you can. Um, you know, obviously just start with your local, your local scene, your local munch, meet some people, and you know, it it it is a long burn, isn't it? Like you might have an idea of what you're into, but um I think it evolves over time.

SPEAKER_02 18:44

I think kink and people are ever evolving. Like when I look back when I was 18, I was heavy into masochism physically.

SPEAKER_01 18:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:52

Cold caning and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_01 18:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:54

When we came back into kink post children, I I I lost the ability to be a mascist. I still have it in there somewhere, but it takes so so long. We can never do it in public and stuff like that. And I'm now more emotional.

SPEAKER_00 19:07

Yeah. Masochism. I I I think if we were ever to do like a really long, heavy impact scene, it would have to be a silent scene.

SPEAKER_02 19:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:16

And it would take a long time.

SPEAKER_02 19:18

And it would have to just be us. We'd have to just hire somewhere.

SPEAKER_00 19:20

That's what I mean. Yeah. And the the air the all the stars would have to align for that to work.

SPEAKER_02 19:25

Because there's been scenes where I've reached that point and then it's been like, oh crap, 45 minutes is up.

SPEAKER_00 19:29

We've got to give up to be scared. Yeah. Which is fine.

SPEAKER_02 19:32

Yeah. Some events have time, some events don't. Or there's been times where we've been getting close and then people have come in and be like, oh, what you up to, Mr. and Mrs. G, because they're so used to us. Like people know that we are fine with that.

SPEAKER_01 19:43

Yeah, yeah. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:47

But I also don't hate that. Like we've reached this point.

SPEAKER_00 19:51

I don't. I I I I love people coming over and chatting to it.

SPEAKER_02 19:54

I think the way that our dynamic has evolved as well to be so much more denial focused. And people think I must constantly be miserable because I'm constantly in denial. I'm not. I love my rules. And RDS is all about me being a better person.

SPEAKER_00 20:09

Well, that that yeah, I was gonna say that as well. People are always like, oh my god, you're in a DS and you've got rules. Like, what are the rules? I'm like, well, if she's had three nights of bad sleep, I'll take a phone off at 10 o'clock at night. Yeah. Like, what? Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:25

Yeah. It's it's rules like, you know, drink a certain amount of water each day, or she brings me a towel when I'm in the bath. Bring yeah, bring you a towel when you're in the bath or whatever. It's not like whips and chains and all that. Like, don't get me wrong. Sorry, we have scenes like that. Yeah. But for us, that's not the reality.

SPEAKER_01 20:40

No.

SPEAKER_02 20:41

And it never would be. Sometimes we do scenes and I'm there in my pajamas, and all of a sudden we'll start doing a scene. Like I'm not dressed up in in leather and lace and everything else all the time.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

But then you've got the other side of it when we do scene, and then like it's a full-on inspection scene.

SPEAKER_02 20:56

Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 20:58

Which we haven't done for a while.

SPEAKER_02 21:00

We haven't done an inspection scene for a while. The last time we did one was at an event.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

It was. Um, I sort of lost track of where we were. And I looked up, and three of our friends were like I love the inspection scenes and stuff.

SPEAKER_02 21:14

Like, I love challenges and mental challenges. And a lot of my rules are mental challenges around making me a better person. Yeah. But then also, I have a lot of things in life that I struggle with, and that's no secret.

SPEAKER_00 21:25

Yeah, and that's what the rules are there for. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:27

Agoraphobia is no secret. But you would never set me a rule of going out on my own. Because that's just never gonna there's no point.

SPEAKER_00 21:34

Um that'd make you worse.

SPEAKER_02 21:35

Can you imagine send trying to make me go put the bins out? Go out the door on my own.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

Make you get the bus into time.

SPEAKER_02 21:43

Oh never. Never. The f that actually makes me want to cry. The thought of it.

SPEAKER_00 21:52

See, because uh people you know, people would be like, Oh, you could do that as a punishment. I was like, Well, that's yeah, punishments don't work that way.

unknown 21:59

No

SPEAKER_02 22:00

Punishments don't work that way for us, do they? Punishments aren't like that for us.

SPEAKER_00 22:03

No.

SPEAKER_02 22:05

Punishments for us are always something as well. Not overly dramatic, if you get me.

SPEAKER_00 22:10

It's it is more of a punishment, I suppose, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 22:13

Or it's things like, remember that time like where I'd I'd broke a rule and you were like, right, okay, see those ice creams you bought today, you can't have one for two days. And people might laugh at that and be like, that's like what you do with a kid. But it's it's not always super serious stuff.

SPEAKER_00 22:28

No. No, it's just you've done something wrong. This is the consequence.

SPEAKER_02 22:33

Because all my rules I say are to make me a better human.

SPEAKER_00 22:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:38

You wouldn't punish me for forgetting to bring you a towel.

SPEAKER_00 22:44

But you don't, because it's just click.

SPEAKER_02 22:45

Yeah, it's just it's just something we've done for years. Yeah. And it's so subtle because we've got children, so therefore, we can't be. Like, and we never would. Our kids would have no idea. That's where the name boss came from for you as well.

SPEAKER_00 23:01

I d I I never clicked with Sir. Never. Just don't like it at all.

SPEAKER_01 23:05

No.

SPEAKER_00 23:06

Um that that that's not me flaming anyone who does like being called Sir or Master or anything like that. I just just you said to me once, didn't you? And I was like, never call me that again.

SPEAKER_02 23:17

That's not for you, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:19

My penis just in birth it.

SPEAKER_02 23:21

But boss always works. One, it's quite a scouse term that's used quite a lot, so the kids hear it and don't think anything of it.

SPEAKER_01 23:27

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:28

And a lot of the time around the kids, I still call you babe.

SPEAKER_00 23:31

Yeah.

unknown 23:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:32

And that's okay.

SPEAKER_00 23:33

To the point where one of our kids went into his class and went to one of his teachers, Miss, have you got a babe? So he thought babe was the term for husband and wife. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:46

Bless them.

SPEAKER_02 23:47

Because he said, I'm gonna have a babe when I get older.

SPEAKER_00 23:49

Hello, what? A babe.

SPEAKER_02 23:51

But yeah, so school pulled us, said, Can we have a word? You two work nights, don't you? And I was like, Oh, God. What have they seen? What have they said? What have they found? Like, you know, like, but no, actually, it was just to say that their husband was working nights, and therefore our our uh child was like, Oh, so so your babe's working away. Have you got a babe?

SPEAKER_00 24:16

Bless them.

SPEAKER_02 24:17

So funny. But no, we we are very cautious with our king, especially around the children.

SPEAKER_00 24:22

I feel like you've got to be.

SPEAKER_02 24:24

Yeah. And don't get me wrong, when the kids move out and we're older, maybe we'll be more than what we are now, of course.

SPEAKER_00 24:29

Of course, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:29

And when we go away to like hotels and stuff, we do more.

SPEAKER_00 24:32

Oh yeah, of course, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:33

And like when we're in the cars and stuff like that, like you still open my door, close my door, put my stuff in the back. You're still a gentleman. Yeah. But when we go to like a service station or something, I'll go and order the food.

unknown 24:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:45

Yeah, because you you like service subbing, don't you?

SPEAKER_02 24:47

I like service subbing. But you'll be stuck with me, but I'll be ordering the food.

SPEAKER_00 24:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:51

Like on the machine or whatever, or or you know, so it doesn't also doesn't mean that you're not a gentleman.

SPEAKER_00 24:58

And I think some people think that Yeah, there's a yeah, there's a there's a misconception there, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 25:03

Most dominants I've met are still gentlemen.

SPEAKER_00 25:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:07

Same for uh female dominatrixes. Yeah, a lot of them are still very respectful.

SPEAKER_00 25:12

There's loads I can think of that sprung to mind when in a scene you're like, oh my god, this woman is evil. Yeah. And then you speak to them afterwards with a cup of tea, you're like, oh my god, you're amazing.

SPEAKER_02 25:25

One of our um MB friends.

SPEAKER_00 25:28

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 25:28

In a scene, yeah, they are petrifying. Yeah. Psychopath. But they are also the nicest human you would ever be.

SPEAKER_01 25:35

Nicest ever. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:36

And I feel like so, it doesn't matter what your gender is, you can still be respectful. You can still be um, you know, full of manners and help people out and be kind. And your persona in a scene doesn't make it doesn't take away from who you are as a person.

SPEAKER_00 25:53

It's one of the funnest things on the scene. Yes. Is when you meet people and you're like, oh my god, they're so lovely, they're amazing. And you're like, you watch them scene, it's like, holy shit, it's that same person.

SPEAKER_02 26:03

But even people, when you think of our friends who have really intense dynamics all the time, yeah, when you see them as a relationship, there's still so much love there.

SPEAKER_01 26:11

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:12

Still so much love there that you can't take away from.

SPEAKER_01 26:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

And I think that's so important.

SPEAKER_01 26:17

It is. Of course it is.

SPEAKER_02 26:19

So I think what we've tried to say in this episode, where we've waffled on about all kinds, is there's no box. You don't have to have a box, don't have to put yourself in a box. But if you want to put yourself in a box, put yourself in a box.

SPEAKER_00 26:29

Yeah, own your box. And if you don't want a box, fuck the box off.

SPEAKER_02 26:32

Yeah.

unknown 26:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:33

Be in a bubble.

SPEAKER_00 26:34

Just be happy.

SPEAKER_02 26:34

Be in whatever you want.

SPEAKER_00 26:35

Be happy, be safe. I just have some fun, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 26:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:38

Because that that's that's the main aim of it, isn't it? Yeah. Have fun.

SPEAKER_02 26:43

Yeah. A hundred percent. I already know what I want to talk about in the next episode as well.

SPEAKER_00 26:46

Do you?

SPEAKER_02 26:47

Yeah. So we'll see you next time.

SPEAKER_00 26:51

We'll see you next week.

SPEAKER_02 26:52

Love you, bye.