THE SAFEWORD SOCIETY EPISODE 7 - DON'T DRINK & KINK

Welcome to Episode 7 of The Safeword Society! 🖤

Join us as we have an honest conversation around getting started in BDSM. If you think you're bad at something, yes you probably are, we all were at one point. PRACTICE 👏 MAKES 👏 PERFECT 👏 

We share our experience of getting started in BDSM, the mistakes we made, and how much practice and trial and error it takes before scenes and fetish performances feel natural and safe.

We also talk about getting drunk and playing. This is something widely recognised in the BDSM community as something to avoid. Think about it, have you ever made a bad decision while drunk? Imagine that bad decision leading to compromising someone's safety, or your own.

In this episode we cover:
- Dom/Sub dynamics 
- Beginner BDSM
- Consent in BDSM 
- Practicing BDSM
- Drink and kink
- BDSM events 
- When BDSM goes wrong
- BDSM Education 

Whether you're curious about BDSM, attending your first event, or simply looking to build confidence, this episode is a reminder that everyone starts somewhere. Practice, communication and consent are what make great scenes.


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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I'm Mr. G.

SPEAKER_00 0:01

I'm Mrs. G. And this is the Safe Word Society. So let's go again.

SPEAKER_01 0:08

There you go.

SPEAKER_00 0:09

I didn't know what I was saying there. That panicked. I panicked. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:12

Yeah. Me and JP were waiting with wait of breath.

SPEAKER_00 0:15

I feel like sometimes I should come in with a really good line, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 0:19

You never script them though, do you?

SPEAKER_00 0:21

I don't. I just see what comes to my brain at the time.

SPEAKER_01 0:23

Yeah. It's better than what I came up with last week.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

Honestly. You tell me to be professional.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

I am professional.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

I will apologize in advance. I'm very yawny today.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

Well, we've had well.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

I've had two nights of well, yeah, three nights of bad sleep.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

Um That's why I've got the sunglasses on because Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

But I've not got sunglasses on. And makeup works wonders apart from when I yawn. Like that.

SPEAKER_01 0:56

Oh my god, can I help me? Could you feel the oxygen decreasing the moon then, JP?

SPEAKER_00 1:02

God. I know. It'll be alright by episode eight because the caffeine will have Yeah, that's fucking hell. I haven't had a red bolt. This is my problem. Have some of that. I don't like sugar-free ones.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 1:13

I might be in a calorie deficit, but I'm not that desperate.

SPEAKER_01 1:17

Today it's my choice, in a case.

unknown 1:21

It is.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

I had to hold on then, like I was on a roller coaster.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

I've been thinking of like what to call it, but I don't know what to call it, so I'm just gonna explain it to you, and then we'll just go off from there.

SPEAKER_00 1:31

So for clarity, I have no idea. Sometimes we discuss, sometimes we don't. So you're hearing as soon as I'm hearing.

SPEAKER_01 1:39

Yeah. So I was at the BBB, um, Satigon, and a lady came in and she was looking at floggers uh with the submissive, and I went over, chatting to them as I normally do. What are you after? What you want? What da da da? And basically she said, I need a flogger. I haven't got one, but I'm really shit at it. I was like, Oh, what do you mean you're shit added? I was like, Yeah, I'll get one. Come on, we're going to have a mess about because we we always got the uh the spanking bench there. We should get people to hit it, and you know, she was doing the bits, and I was like, Yeah, I'll try and do it like that, like an infinity sign or a figure of ace, however you want to do it. And she got in, she picked it up. After about two or three hits, she was just going dead fast with it, and it was just tangling up and everything, and she was getting all flustered. So, anyway, spent about 20 minutes with her talking to her. I was just like, you know, just keep your speed, speed. And she was like, Yeah, but the thing is, I can't play in public because I'm so bad at flogging, and I just get flustered and think everyone's looking at me, and you know, everyone's better at me, they're better than at flogging than I am, so I don't want to do it. I was like, Yeah, but what you're seeing is the end product of everyone starting where you started.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

I was like Also, nine times out of ten, no one's asked what you're doing.

SPEAKER_01 2:59

Yeah, nine times out of doing it. It's like the gym, innit? Yeah, you go to the gym and you think, oh shit, I don't want to fucking all the beef eds are in here. No one's fucking watching you.

SPEAKER_00 3:11

They might look over and watch for a minute, but no one's judging.

SPEAKER_01 3:15

Yeah, and I that that that's what I was explaining to her. Um and I th I I think you get that a lot on the scene. Because I remember my first public impact scene, it was part of a group scene, remember, with our mates. We'd done like a version of tennis.

SPEAKER_00 3:33

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

Um, and I I was in my head over that. Because there is a lot of, oh, what if I get it wrong? What if I fuck up? What happens if this is I don't know how to do this right and all that. Um, but yeah, I I was just explaining that to her. And I I I think, you know, people can go to these events and watch people do things and think, well, I don't do it like that. I can't, I mean, you know, I'm gonna now I'm gonna leave it, I'm not good at it, and all and you can get inside your head a little bit, can't you? Yeah. But nine times out of ten, it's just a bit of practice, innit?

SPEAKER_00 4:09

Everything takes practice. No one responsible. I'm not gonna say no one, no one responsible has walked in to Kink and known how to do everything.

SPEAKER_01 4:22

Yeah, yeah, exactly. It is, it's a learning process, innit? Yeah, it's a learning process.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

Um it's a lot of practice.

SPEAKER_01 4:28

Yeah, it is. It's it's like um Florentino with Poi floggers. Yeah. We recently got poi floggers, yeah, and I am dog shit out of it. Like I've never tried it, I've never sat there and learned. And it's it's one of them, it's like because we've been on the scene for so long, I am confident enough that I will be able to do it. Yeah, but still it's like that I'm not fucking trying it in public. I don't you know, I that I look like a fucking idiot trying to do it. Um but it that is the case with nine nine times out of ten, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 5:04

The reason it's a kink community is you can approach other people and ask other people for help and advice. Lots of people will help you for free. There's also lots of educational workshops up and down the country based on specific things. And my best advice is find something that you really enjoy and learn to be the best at that. Don't try and be like um a jack of all trades. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:27

Yeah. I mean, eventually you can get around to jack and all trades.

SPEAKER_00 5:31

But you can learn loads of lots of other things, but you'll never be like an expert in everything.

SPEAKER_01 5:36

But you find that on the scene, don't you? And like you can sort of once you get into a little bit of a community, if someone says um, I I really want to know about needles, you'd be like, actually, go and speak with so and so because they are shit hot at it, they know everything about it. Um but it's not like oh they're the only person who knows that they only know about that. So you do kind of specialise in it in a thing, don't you?

SPEAKER_00 6:03

I think you find your passionate thing, you find the thing that really gets you going. Yeah. Yeah. That you enjoy doing. Like yours obviously is water. Yeah. Yeah.

unknown 6:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:13

You know, and I think you have to be realistic in that everything takes time.

SPEAKER_01 6:19

It does.

SPEAKER_00 6:19

You're learning a whole new skill.

SPEAKER_01 6:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

A whole new skill. A whole new risk of safety factors where you can hit, where you can't hit. I'm referring to impact, for example. You know, you have to practice your accuracy. You have to practice the tempo, the how hard you hit, the way different um implements fall and the way they mark. Do you want to leave marks? Do you not want to leave marks? Does the person you know, there's so many things you have to learn that you have to appreciate that you're not gonna walk into that and be brilliant from the start, and that you are gonna have to work at it. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with working at it.

SPEAKER_01 6:55

Yeah, well, it's like all our vloggers. I think we've got about 10 now, haven't we?

SPEAKER_00 6:59

They're all good.

SPEAKER_01 7:00

They all move different, yeah. And uh that's that's from my perspective. Yeah. Um I know I I I get every single one of them and just do that, and every single one of them would move differently.

unknown 7:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:12

Um and that's the beauty of why people have such big kit bags as well.

SPEAKER_01 7:17

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

Because you can get a flogger isn't a flogger. Like there's thousands of different types of floggers that do different things, aim for different things, you know.

SPEAKER_01 7:30

Different materials, lengths, weights.

SPEAKER_00 7:33

Everything.

SPEAKER_01 7:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

And there's so many things you have to account for as a a top or a dominant that you're gonna have to work hard and practice. And genuinely, no one judges someone who says, I'm new and I'm learning this.

SPEAKER_02 7:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

People only form an opinion if you're trying to pretend you're an expert or your ego makes you say you know more than you do. I would rather someone said to me, Listen, I'm really new to this.

SPEAKER_01 8:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:05

But I'd like someone who's experienced and I wondered if you'd be interested in bottoming for this. And if it's something that I've done a lot of, yeah. If you ask me to bottom for needles, it's not happening. I don't do it. I don't know, you know, I'm not going to provide you valuable feedback on that.

SPEAKER_01 8:20

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:20

If you ask me to bottom for water, I can provide you feedback on that.

SPEAKER_01 8:24

Yeah, well it's like w when we've done performances, water performances, or like just hard water scenes, you always get one or two afterwards being like, oh my god, would you do that to me?

SPEAKER_00 8:36

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 8:37

That's like No, because that is a product of ten years of trial and error, experiments, trust, and you know, practice. Yeah. Um what you would get as a tutorial.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

It is. And I think that's also I think something that um it's hard for people to understand is when people say, Can I do a water scene with you? You can you can experience water play with me, it won't be a scene. It won't be a scene. Because the trust, the communication, everything else is so different.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

Yeah. Well, it's not it's not really there at that point, is it? Just still learning the communication cues and the trust and stuff like that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:23

So you will still get the experience. Oh yeah. Yeah. But it won't be like a scene.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

Like I'd I'd make it as, you know, in-depth as I possibly could without it breaching safety. It w it wouldn't be a continuous in and out. It'd be it every up would be a what you think of that? How do you think? Next time you want to go for a bit longer. When next time, when you push up, I'm gonna hold you for a second, just so you can feel that fear. Do you know what I mean? It'd be that sort of talking through every single one.

SPEAKER_00 9:51

You've got to negotiate every single element after every single dunk.

SPEAKER_01 9:55

Yeah. It wouldn't be like me and you do it, like you don't even get a synopsis of what we're doing. No.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

We've got our safe cues, yeah. And that is something else I think as well. People don't realise is you have to have different safe cubes for different things.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

We do, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:10

So with water, I can't just say red.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:14

I can't say amber. So we have different cues. I will always have my hand on you at some point. Yeah. I feel like I'm gonna sneeze.

SPEAKER_01 10:23

Yeah, so you you you're always touching me at some point. Because how are you gonna say red? Did you hear that squeak down?

SPEAKER_00 10:33

I apologize. I apologize. And that's probably deafened some poor person.

SPEAKER_01 10:38

Yeah, fucking JP, yeah. It's a side quest, yeah. Don't start having one of your sneezing fits.

SPEAKER_00 10:47

No, no, no, no, that was just a one-of-the-art.

SPEAKER_01 10:49

Nothing angers me more. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 10:52

So we are suddenly suddenly side questing, just to explain that I have horrific allergies. Yeah. So as you can tell, I'm quite a nasally person. I've got a deviated septum. I have to breathe through my mouth quite a lot, but I have really bad allergies.

SPEAKER_01 11:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:05

And I'm allergic to life essentially.

SPEAKER_01 11:07

So you'll sneeze. I say bless you, gentlemen.

SPEAKER_00 11:11

I can go on for about 15 minutes.

SPEAKER_01 11:14

Majority of the time, don't even get a thank you for the bless you.

SPEAKER_00 11:17

Because I'm in the middle of another sneeze.

SPEAKER_01 11:18

Yeah. And then you proceed to sneeze like 15 times. And oh my god, the rage that comes over me.

SPEAKER_00 11:25

I know. Imagine being me.

SPEAKER_01 11:28

Well, you're you're the one sneezing. It's like an eighth of an orgasm.

SPEAKER_00 11:32

It is let me tell you, the amount of times I sneeze in a row doesn't equate to an orgasm.

SPEAKER_01 11:38

Yeah, no, we end up going like the longer it gets into it, and I'm just there not caring.

SPEAKER_00 11:47

It is, it's very annoying. It's very annoying. But going back to safe cues, we will have like a quick one, two, three.

SPEAKER_01 11:56

One, two, three is get me up.

SPEAKER_00 11:58

That's a amber or a get me up. As in, say if we're going in, and I can tell when I'm going in for as long as I can, because you'll give me a little one, two, three on the back of my head. Say this is gonna be as long as you can, and therefore I communicate that. But if I go in wrong and I squeeze really, really fast, you know something's gone wrong with how I've gone in.

SPEAKER_01 12:16

Or you slap. Or slap.

SPEAKER_00 12:19

Oh yeah, or I'll slap and be like, listen, I need out.

SPEAKER_01 12:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:22

But obviously people don't see that. You can't see it's so subtle, you can't see it.

SPEAKER_01 12:29

The slap. The slap you could say. You can hear, depending on how loud the music is. Um but it's stuff like that that we've built into that over years now, in it.

SPEAKER_00 12:39

It is, and safe words should be adjusted for every single type of scene. If you've got a gag in, you need an alternate safe word.

SPEAKER_01 12:46

But uh what I'm getting at is I'm sorry. I was I was so really they're the things that people don't see, and people just see us doing water on the knife, for example, and they're yeah, sound sign me up for that.

SPEAKER_00 12:58

Or they'll see someone doing an incredible flogging scene. Yeah. Because there are some incredible floggers on the scene. Yeah. Like, I mean, incredible. They take your breath away.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:10

But they've worked hard at that skill.

SPEAKER_01 13:12

Oh my god, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:13

They have practiced and practiced and practiced that skill.

SPEAKER_01 13:16

I'm gonna say his scene name, but uh Floki is hands down. My god. It's incredible. Fuck me. Just yeah. I I I've only ever seen him vlog once. Yeah. Um I can't remember what event it was at, but I was walking through and I just I was like, oh my god. It's like You've never seen anyone be like so fluid.

SPEAKER_00 13:40

I was gonna say, it is like watching art.

SPEAKER_01 13:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

And also saying about that, rope is another one. People think you can just go and pick up rope. Rope is something that we are only looking to learn now.

SPEAKER_01 13:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:55

But I see some people and oh my they make it look effortless.

SPEAKER_01 14:01

I've done follow a few people on uh Insta who do like a lot of you know rope four pictures of photography and stuff like that. And Jesus Christ, some of the stuff they're gonna do. It's incredible. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:10

But how many years do you think that most of those people have spent learning that skill?

SPEAKER_01 14:14

Exactly, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:14

I mean, we've got a good friend who's gonna um teach us who does stunning rope.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:20

But again, has spent years doing it, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:23

So you know, you might you might look at something and think, yeah, I want to do that. But you know, sometimes stay within your thing.

SPEAKER_00 14:33

Say, oh, I want to do some impact, but I'm gonna go in and I'm gonna find an experienced bottom or somebody who can communicate really well. They don't necessarily have to be experienced. But I I personally do advocate for if you're inexperienced, playing with someone more experienced in either way.

SPEAKER_01 14:51

Well, that's how we started.

SPEAKER_00 14:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:53

And it was a case of right, we want to start doing impact. You've done impact before, I haven't. Let's get let's get some proper floggers and just send it and you know, I'll coach you through it. And that's what it was for a long time, right?

SPEAKER_00 15:06

And it was never a scene with us, it was teaching, it was Okay, yeah, you can go a bit harder with that one. Okay, yeah, like blah blah blah. Like, you know, or that it that was a miss hit there. Like, and you you're gonna be like, I was like, What do you mean a miss hit? Yeah, and then it was also getting you realising, oh I could feel that that um move different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can see why that did that. Like, there's so many elements to it that learning isn't always fun, but in the same breath, it can be really fun. Like, I think if you go into it with the mindset of enjoying teaching somebody else, like then you'll do well.

SPEAKER_01 15:44

Yeah, go in with the mindset of sort of this isn't a scene, this is A learning itself. Helping someone out, let's have a little bit of fun with it. Yeah. Um that's what I said to uh this woman. I was like, just go practice, go beat the shit out of your couch. Um and cause her only thing was rhythm, and it was because she she she had everything down perfect. I said, go home, stick some music on, blast it. I said, just flog to the beat. I said as soon as you come off beat, just take a step back. I said, then just come back in. And um she was made up with it. Um obviously bought the vlogger and you know, might see it again next time at the BBB.

SPEAKER_00 16:24

Yeah. I just think you don't have to know it all.

SPEAKER_01 16:27

No, no.

SPEAKER_00 16:28

And if you don't know it all, and there's something you really want to know, the internet is your friend for finding workshops.

SPEAKER_01 16:37

Workshops are really good. There's loads of like day events now, isn't there, for teaching, and you get like a smogger's board of skills that you can learn on the day.

SPEAKER_00 16:45

Or you can just find a more specialist workshop on one thing.

SPEAKER_01 16:48

You could, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:49

Like, you know, I think honestly, and even after one of them workshops, you're not gonna go away being an expert in it, but you're gonna go away with the skill set you need.

SPEAKER_01 16:57

Yeah, like the way I used to teach water was pretty much the the downright basics and safety.

unknown 17:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:05

What to watch out for. Yeah. Um because obviously people Because that is what you have to get down.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

You have to get the safety down first.

SPEAKER_01 17:11

That's the stuff we've learnt, isn't it? Like we go into an event thinking, right, yeah, we'd we'll do a long water scene here, half an hour, 45 minutes, something like that, and you know, we'll we'll just proper go for it and have it have a boss time, 10 minutes in your lips are blue, you're shivering.

SPEAKER_00 17:24

Yeah, but it depends on everything else. There are so many factors that go into every single scene. And I also think that's a key point to bring up as well is your scene might not go the way you want it to go.

SPEAKER_01 17:34

Of course, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:35

Like we've gone into scenes being like, we can't wait. Like we've got this big thing, but like you say, we all plan for like a big water scene where we know we're gonna have a great time. We've been doing it for years. It's one of our favourite things to do together. But the water's just freezing, or the temperature of the room's too cold. Or guess what? I've got a bit of a cold coming on. I remember one time we went to do a water performance and I'd walked into a lamppost and fractured my sinus bone.

SPEAKER_01 18:01

And so it was that was bad as well. You couldn't breathe at all. I couldn't breathe at all.

SPEAKER_00 18:05

So that water scene ended up being about five minutes and it was in and out, in and out, in and out, and it wasn't really what you describe as a water scene, purely from the fact of we freestyled it on the night, really, didn't we? Yeah, because we didn't know how. I mean, it was it was a few weeks later, but I could not breathe stuff. What made you drink pool water? You did make me drink pool water, covered in my own hair dye. Oh, it was red, it was horrible. It was alright. Did you drink it out of a glass or did you make me slurp it? It's very glamorous in my life.

SPEAKER_01 18:35

Yeah, I was gonna bring that off, but then you brought it up. But no, it's it's not that's not just water, but say like say say you've planned an impact scene with someone, and you're like, oh my god, it's gonna be amazing. You're all excited, and you forget to have your tea before the event, and then you get on the bench and you're like, fucking, your blood sugars are dropping, and you know, a few hits and you start feeling dizzy.

SPEAKER_00 18:54

And guess what? Sometimes your head's just not in it.

SPEAKER_01 18:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:58

And that is absolutely okay.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

Sometimes we've gone up to a room and you've just been like, I just want to go home. And we're like, right, so well, let's sit up here for 15 minutes, then pretend we've done a scene, and then be like, and then be like, guys, we're gonna finish it at home.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

We don't pretend, but there's been times we've gone up and we have just sat for five minutes.

SPEAKER_01 19:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:20

Like, I love just sitting. Like there's been times, do you know? There's been times we've gone into a private room and we've been like, right, okay, I just need five minutes. Yeah. And then we come out and everyone's like, Will you just been that one sex?

SPEAKER_01 19:31

And then I'm like, no. No. No, I can't last five minutes. I'm fucking very generous.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

Very generous. But I genuinely think there's nothing wrong with it.

SPEAKER_01 19:41

That you've got no um You don't owe it to anyone to be an expert straight away.

SPEAKER_00 19:48

You don't owe it to anyone to be an expert straight away. And also, if you don't see it doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_01 19:53

No.

SPEAKER_00 19:53

If something goes wrong and you're not in the mood or whatever, that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 19:57

What doesn't matter? What does it matter?

SPEAKER_00 19:58

Are you both happy? Are you both safe? Have you got another event? Have you got another day? Of course you have. There's always another one. So just take the pressure off yourself and enjoy and understand that it happens to everybody. Yeah. And there is nothing worse, I can promise you now, for your mental whatever you'd call it, well-being. Well-being, than trying to push yourself through something that you don't want to do. That is my do not do it. Biggest red flag for people.

SPEAKER_01 20:25

Do not do it.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

If you're not happy, don't do it.

unknown 20:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:30

Don't do it.

SPEAKER_01 20:31

Well, you're not gonna enjoy it. And that's that's why we do all these things.

SPEAKER_00 20:33

You're not gonna do it. And and also you might do something you wouldn't normally do, and then afterwards, you might be left feeling about that. Like, don't do it. And also don't renegotiate a scene in a scene. Sorry, I had to quick I had to get that in. We've still got ten minutes.

SPEAKER_01 20:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:48

Don't renegotiate a scene in a scene because when you're in a scene. No, we started at 10 past. Yeah, but we didn't start actually talking until 19 past. How long were you doing the Patreon bit for? Yeah, we were yes it been. Where are we? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:05

Continue.

SPEAKER_00 21:06

Okay. JP, am I right?

unknown 21:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:09

See? I'm right. Yeah.

unknown 21:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:11

Sneezing. Sneezing, yawning, yawning. That was it, we ain't it. It was nine minutes of yawning. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

So if you're not on Patreon and you've got a bit of a yawn kink, get on there.

SPEAKER_00 21:20

You'll see me. Don't mention yawning because you're gonna make me yawn again.

SPEAKER_01 21:24

As long as it's now sneeze, I don't care.

SPEAKER_00 21:25

So renegotiating a scene in the scene.

SPEAKER_01 21:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:30

Is in my opinion breaching consent. I'm gonna say it. Because in the scene, you've got endorphins flying, you've got all these different emotions going on. That's not the time to be renegotiated renegotiating anything.

SPEAKER_01 21:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:43

That's not a time to renegotiate anything.

SPEAKER_01 21:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

It's um there's always another chance to do another scene, renegotiating.

SPEAKER_01 21:50

It depends on how the endorphins are hitting and stuff like that. Especially if you're in subspace. A lot of people compare it to being drunk. Yeah. And it it is very drunk and woozy as. Yeah. Um so that's like saying, you know, would you renegotiate a scene with a drunk person?

SPEAKER_00 22:07

Would you also would you scene with a drunk person? No, you would not.

SPEAKER_01 22:11

Oh my god, it's a term.

SPEAKER_00 22:12

I know, but I'm just putting that out there.

SPEAKER_01 22:14

No, I know. Come back to that. But what I'm saying is that's like getting someone drunk and then moving the goalposts because they're a bit more lenient to do what you want to do.

SPEAKER_00 22:23

Yeah. And the thing is, they might in that moment be 100% up for it, but you don't know how they're gonna feel after that.

SPEAKER_01 22:29

Yeah, of course, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:32

I love how now there's a periodic part in this podcast every time where I go off on someone what used to be all over my own Instagram, and they still are, but I now go into one of my little This is my opinion.

SPEAKER_01 22:44

Oh yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:48

I like sharing my opinion on safety.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

I don't know. Yeah. You've got a strong sense of justice, though, on you.

unknown 22:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:57

I wonder where I got that from.

SPEAKER_01 23:01

Yes, it is it.

SPEAKER_00 23:03

Power. But pardon me. Also being said, don't negotiate or play when you're drunk. Please God.

SPEAKER_01 23:11

Oh I know. I know. You see it's a sort of thing.

SPEAKER_00 23:13

I mean it's a it's a well-known rule on the kink scene. But I also think on the swing side cause it etiquette. Yeah, I'd say it's an unwritten rule.

SPEAKER_01 23:22

It's an unwritten rule, innit?

SPEAKER_00 23:24

Um I we always say in our um broadcasts don't drink and kink.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

Don't drink and kink.

unknown 23:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:35

I mean, obviously some people can some people have one drink, yeah, fair enough.

SPEAKER_01 23:38

Oh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

When we say don't drink and kink, we mean don't be tipsy. Don't be drinking.

SPEAKER_01 23:43

Don't be getting the Jaeger Wams out and then picking up a fucking bull whip.

SPEAKER_00 23:46

Jesus, please no. You'll have someone's eyeball out.

SPEAKER_01 23:49

Oh yeah. Yeah. But no, it is um don't be disheartened by fucking watching all these experts at events because they've spent a long time learning.

SPEAKER_00 23:59

They've spent a long time learning. And also, I promise you, if you go and speak to them, 99% of them are the most lovely people.

SPEAKER_01 24:06

Honest to God, learning is the fun bit.

SPEAKER_00 24:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:08

Learning is the fun bit. Like, take Dragon Tails, for example. I I still remember when you brought that dragon tailor from Whips and Sticks. Yeah. And I was like, oh my god, this is amazing. I was fucking whipping it like a tea towel and it was fucking going everywhere. And now I'm at the point where I can hit flies with it. Yeah. Like fucking Mr. Miyagi.

SPEAKER_00 24:29

And our headboard took a batter in for many, many months. It did.

SPEAKER_01 24:32

It did. I always tell people to do that because we've got a lot of things.

SPEAKER_00 24:34

If you've got like suede like this, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:36

Little suede.

SPEAKER_00 24:38

It'll mark. So you can kind of keep a good track. Or a suede cushion. You don't have to have a I mean sorry for a headboard.

SPEAKER_01 24:43

Or a throw. Oh yeah. Yeah. Just get a cheap throw, throw it on the back of the couch. And then when you hit it, it'll move the pile in a different way. And then you just brush it back the other way. And that would all I say to people is you're just aiming for an area like that. And then size of a butt. As long as everything's getting in there, you're good enough to go for the ass.

SPEAKER_00 25:02

And the and let's be honest, I mean, I avoid the back. I do. But if you go for a butt and you slightly miss it, you've got your thighs. I mean, if you go too high, you're going to get a kidney, and that's I've got you there once you haven't I. You've miss hit when you first one of the first times you did it. Yeah. Um and that's bound to happen.

SPEAKER_02 25:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:21

But it's a risk you've got to take. It is a r you know, I mean, thankfully a dragon tail is not like getting hit in the kidney with a blooming cane or or a blooming button. Yeah. Like, obviously. But you still want to avoid those areas.

SPEAKER_01 25:33

You feel it.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

You feel it.

SPEAKER_01 25:34

You feel it.

SPEAKER_00 25:35

Um but if you miss and you get on the butt, you might get the thigh. You might get the hip. Hip's not very comfortable.

SPEAKER_01 25:41

But again, it's not gonna Yeah, it's not the end of the world. It's not the end of the world. No. So if you if you are looking to start this journey and get into stuff, especially impact, just go with a soft-ish flogger. We we've had the suede one for years, haven't we? And we use it every warm-up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:02

Um And this isn't an educational lesson. You can't go away from this podcast episode and start doing impact because like like you're saying about warm-up, there's so much you need to learn about warm-up, cool down, cold scenes, warmed up scenes, safety. This is not this is not a workshop.

SPEAKER_01 26:19

Yeah, this is not the tutorial. This is just a chat. You know, just in case anyone's listening out there and they've been following us along this journey and think, do you know what? Fuck it, let's let's do it, let's let's try it. I I'd always say just get a suede one and just have some fun with it. Just don't don't be fucking swinging it from behind your net.

SPEAKER_00 26:37

Just no one needs that, you're not gonna be accurate.

SPEAKER_01 26:40

Yeah, just have some fun with your partner and see where it goes. You know what? You might get it and think, this is shit.

SPEAKER_00 26:46

This isn't for me.

SPEAKER_01 26:47

This shouldn't have been a fantasy.

SPEAKER_00 26:49

Guess what? If you don't enjoy impact, there's thousands of other kinks for you to try.

SPEAKER_01 26:53

Yeah. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 26:55

From trampling to I mean tickling. Tickling to you know, you've got sensation play, wax play. You know, there's there is a million and one other options. Impact might be one of the main things you see online.

SPEAKER_01 27:08

Well, wax was another one that I couldn't get my head round at the start. Because uh the idea with wax is obviously it's a fucking candle body safe candle, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:17

For clarity, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:20

Jesus, please, God. So the idea is you hold it high, don't you?

SPEAKER_00 27:23

So then the wax drips, it cools, and it's still warm, and then the lower down you hold it, lower down you hold it, hot, hot.

SPEAKER_01 27:32

And my my first year were like, yeah, go on, crack on, fucking lay down. I was like, Yeah, go ahead, no worries. But what we also realize as well is top tip for wax players, it was a week or so before your time of the month.

SPEAKER_00 27:50

Depends on your cycle, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:52

Yeah, your sensitivity to heat through the roof, weren't it? I mean, also the titism doesn't help with that one. I know, but the three times we tried wax at home, yeah, funny enough, was the week before.

SPEAKER_00 28:05

Yeah, and they were it was and then when we do it when I'm not at that point.

SPEAKER_01 28:10

At an event or when we were recording or something like that, we'd hire the room.

SPEAKER_00 28:14

When we'd yeah, we'd done a scene um in the club where we'd hide it for um our own selves just to do a scene. And I listen, I love scene around at events and stuff, but sometimes it's nice just as us in it. We just want a scene for us.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

You don't really want to do wax in the house. It's a fucking message.

SPEAKER_00 28:30

I mean, I don't mind doing wax in the house, but do you know what it is? It's all the cleanup afterwards.

SPEAKER_01 28:35

Wax is amazing until you've got to clean it up. But no, we were we we were doing a full UV wax scene and you know, doing this and everything, and we got like halfway through four candles, didn't we? Um and I put them down, I went to go and get the knife to scrape everything off, come back, and she's just like just all over yourself. And I was like, What can I do? You only let me do two drops the other night, what the fuck's going on here? And then we discovered, didn't we? It was like, oh my god, you've got a heightened sensitive to heat when at this time of the month, because we tried getting you in the bath, and you were like, no, fuck that. And I was like, You normally have them like way hotter than this.

SPEAKER_00 29:11

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:12

And then so yeah, you just you just let it.

SPEAKER_00 29:14

Nine times out of ten, my bath is 90% hot.

SPEAKER_01 29:18

With a suggestion of cold. Yeah, I love it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:22

Any other bath, and I'm like, that's freezing cold. Most hotels, the hot water doesn't run hot enough for me. I don't want a bath.

SPEAKER_01 29:27

The village does.

SPEAKER_00 29:28

The village, to be fair, the village, I need I need a suggestion of water.

SPEAKER_01 29:32

Cold water. Yeah, cold water. Yeah. Um the the village runs hot. Yeah. I uh before glow, I was like, oh fuck can I get in a bath? I'm treat myself to a bath. I don't treat it like our bath. Yeah. Hot all the way, dash of cold, you're sorted. Fuck me.

SPEAKER_00 29:48

I mean, you say you're sorted, you get in our baths when I'm getting the bath.

SPEAKER_01 29:52

My I jumped out the bath so quick that my bollocks nearly went over my head. I swear to God, I was nearly in the room above me. Because I just got in it confidently. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And you know, when you lower yourself in and it fucking my ass and my balls hit the water, and I just fucking woof, just flipped out. It's like Jackie Channel, the bath. Oh honest to God. So yeah, the village baths have gave me PTSD, you know?

SPEAKER_00 30:18

Yeah. I had an itchy top lip, but I can't itch because I've got makeup on and we've got another episode to film.

SPEAKER_01 30:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:25

I don't enjoy wearing makeup. So, by the way, if you see me on this podcast and you think, oh, Mrs. G, she looks lovely. I only look like this on the podcast or at an event. Otherwise, I don't wear makeup, do I? I can't. I look like a mole. And to be fair, you know what? If you follow me on Insta, you've seen me looking like a mole because I film a lot of me um Love You Buys. I couldn't think what they're called. Red flag, green flag series. Brain's not working today, is it? It's not. And I film a lot of my red flag, green flag series. Just with the camera.

SPEAKER_01 30:56

Don't take this the wrong way.

SPEAKER_00 30:58

Oh fucking hell. You might insult me and we might end up divorced. Be very careful what you're gonna say.

SPEAKER_01 31:03

Is there really a right way to take this? Inc. No, listen, then let me hang on.

SPEAKER_00 31:12

Hang on, mate. We've lost JP. Because JP can't believe right. Let's see if you can save this.

SPEAKER_01 31:19

I reckon with a bit of like paper mache in that, I reckon we could we could do that, you know. I I don't know who I'd go as.

SPEAKER_00 31:26

Why would I want to be Roz the Slug?

SPEAKER_01 31:28

Uh maybe it's the glasses. Oh no, she's got more like rectangle glasses, hasn't she? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:35

So you sat here this whole episode thinking that I look like Rolls the Slug today.

SPEAKER_01 31:40

Just the eye, bit. Just the eye, can you say uh paperwork? You didn't file your paper. Don't don't I can see the bad impression about to come out. No, no, no, just leave it. Just leave it. Guys leave it.

SPEAKER_00 31:56

I don't I thought I looked quite pretty with my hair sleeked back today.

SPEAKER_01 32:00

You had a fucking bold lip on this morning.

SPEAKER_00 32:02

Is it worn or off?

SPEAKER_01 32:03

Yeah. I I was watching, was I watching Clarkson's Farm. I did you come down, just like I I'm sat on the couch and I just see this floating head come in, hair slick back, bold lip on, comes round the couch completely naked.

SPEAKER_00 32:19

I was gonna say, you're missing out the fact that the main distraction was the fact I was completely naked again. I was like, Woof!

SPEAKER_01 32:25

Before we gotta leave for the podcast, yeah. It's like no, I'm getting dressed. I was like, alright, yeah, sounds whatever. Back to Glocks, it's fun.

SPEAKER_00 32:34

It's a tinting um lip gloss, that one you like. So I don't think you'd want that on your penis.

SPEAKER_01 32:39

Why not?

SPEAKER_00 32:39

Your penis would be pink for hours.

SPEAKER_01 32:42

Turn it into a rainbow. Looks like a free pastel lolly ice.

unknown 32:46

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 32:48

Can you get different colours so we can do it? Oh my god. On that note, guys, thanks for tuning in. Love you, bye.